Has Extra-Marital Issues Reach An Alarming Level?

Has Extra-Marital Issues Reach An Alarming Level?

Has Extra-Marital Issues Reach An Alarming Level?  Unfortunately, the most recurring issue but the LEAST TALKED one are extra-marital issues which has been creeping across, regardless of economic strata or even religion or culture.  Just today, I watched TED Talks and the agenda was no less extra-marital issues.  Today as well, I stumbled on a similar thread from ChannelNewsasia💊💊💊

Truth is, from whatever perspective we look at it, most divorces are triggered by infidelities.  Unfortunately, infidelity is the ultimate betrayal  but does it have to be?  So why do people cheat this way and unpacks affairs in a traumatic way?  In most cases, they threaten emotional security although without defending parties at fault, psychologists point to that expression of LONGING and LOSS as the most common triggers of infidelity✅✅✅

And I can't disagree more with Esther Perel from her recent TED Talk.  No less than in tiny but stable Singapore, the kettles percolated the recent weeks when two key politicians from both the rulling [PAP] party and the Workers Party both had to quit, lest they will end up destroying and causing irreparable damage to their respective parties❎❎❎

Overriding question is, why do people succumb to it?  In these times where there is human diaspora [yes, even in the United States, the diaspora happens across states] and that emotional distance from a spouse leaves someone feeling 'UNVALIDATED or UNAPPRECIATED' at home.  So, when a colleague shows empathy, that''s when the seeds of percolation get planted📌📌📌

So is there a FIX?  Yesirrrrrs.  SET BOUNDARIES.  Work and personal life CAN'T get mixed.  Try living a life with NO LIMITS, you can guess where you will likely end up.  Second, AVOID PHYSICAL TOUCH.  Imagine the 'RIPPLE EFFECT' when a make colleague constantly holds a lady's elbows or even across shoulders.  Third and the most IMPERATIVE step:  COMMUNICATE with your spouse, pronto!  Then take the next step, SPEND TIME with your spouse [even virtually if you're 10,000 miles away.  Let's hope the infidelities will simmer down at least📌📌📌

What Separates The DOER From The DUD?

What Separates The DOER From The DUD?

Before anything else, please allow me to clear-up things.  While I admit I'm a self-proclaimed DOER, there is NO intent here to put down [or worse, push down] the DUD because I was a DUD too several times in the past.  So, What Separates The DOER From The DUD?  I think this deserves space in our thread today if only to continue encouraging the DOERS to continue sustaining their SUCCESSES and enlighten the DUD that they are NOT approaching the END OF THE TUNNEL, yet

It is a GIVEN that there is a sizable percentage of the population who were born with a silver spoon but those are outliers.  So, what's the best ever advice we would receive from practically almost all experts and inspirational gurus?  INVEST IN YOURSELF, period.  Their main argument is that ANYTHING THAT IMPROVES YOUR OWN TALENT is the best ever investment you can infuse.  This advice revolves around the idea that KNOWLEDGE is our ultimate asset✅✅✅

Let's take a sneak preview of the common habits of the successful names across industries.  They admit spending a considerable slice of their time everyday READING, LEARNING and STAYING INFORMED about various markets and industries. If we're an entrepreneur, we can apply this principle by embracing continuous learning and staying updated in the goings-on.  Investing to LEARN equips and leads us to reach INFORMED DECISIONS, and even spot opportunities and adapt to the rapidly changing landscape these days❗❗❗

INVESTING in oneself is NOT limited to learning new things.  Let us expand that to include SELF-IMPROVEMENTS which can encompass building SELF-CONFIDENCE and continuously improving your skills.  As our journey is filled with challenges and risks, and worst, uncertainty.  By investing in our personal growth, we'll develop SELF-CONFIDENCE, boldness and resilience to face these obstacles head-on and overcome them when we face obstacles💎💎💎

One gaping hole that is buried deep beyond the surface is for us to identify and leverage our strengths as it becomes critical for us to understand our unique capabilities which can help us focus on areas where we excel.  BUT there's a flip side to this though.  We need to develop that SELF-AWARENESS to know what tasks to take on and what tasks that fall outside your expertise to delegate to others who can handle them better, thus optimizing your time and your efforts as well.  And DON'T forget to INVEST IN DOING WORK YOU LOVE because the biggest lesson here is improving ourselves as it stands gthe test of time and is even apropos in this age of QUITE QUITTING.  You just got to know if you're a DOER or a DUD❓❓❓

It's OK To Fail [BUT DO IT RIGHT]

It's OK To Fail [BUT DO IT RIGHT]

Yes folks this should not be bothersome,  It's OK To Fail [BUT DO IT RIGHT] but this could lead us to a pandora's box. All of us, barring the transparent ones, will admit that all along, they have been DOINT IT RIGHT but the catch-22 question is, how often have we FAILED and how often those FAILURES seem a recurring thing?  Doesn't that merit us to look back and re-examine if we are DOING IT RIGHT rather than having recurring FAILURES❓❓❓

When we try new things and FAIL, that is experimentation.  And we DON'T have to be Lab Specialists to learn from the 'EXPERIMENTS' in life.  Conversely, when we deviate from a proven practice maybe because of 'INATTENTION', that is NO less a MISTAKE.  So, it is imperative for us to know the difference and create that 'WORKSPACE' when and where we can feel psychologically safe to take on smart risks.  So, what should we do after we FAIL?  Taking a POST-MORTEM is no less than the next step to take and it has to be done thoroughly with the ROOT CAUSE pinned down no less❗❗❗

Bottomline is a previous FAILURE should NOT and NEVER repeat itself.  To quote experts, ' A FAILURE, EVEN AN INTELLIGENT FAILURE, IS NO LONGER INTELLIGENT THE SECOND TIME IT HAPPENS'.  Now, what poses a tougher question is how do we handle things we're doing the first time.  Can we just FAIL because it's the first time✅✅✅

So, is there a mitigation to reduce FAILURES of first attempts?  Yes, there is and such first-time stuff need extensive EXPERIMENTATIONS no less and there's NO other way around it.  NO one can debate that EXPERIMENTATIONS are exercises in futility.  Remove it from the equation and expect for the worst of the worst FAILURES to recur over and over again.  EXPERIMENT and we guarantee your HIT RATE to shoot up❗❗❗

Let's look no farther than competitive sports.  It's true more than 90% of aspiring sportsmen FAIL but why do we have the sports greats regardless whether it is in basketball, boxing, tennis, swimming or athletics, what do they have in common?  They all poured thousands of hours  to reach the level where they have reached.  So, IT'S OK TO FAIL [BUT DO IT RIGHT]✅✅✅

So, Why Do We Give Up?

So, Why Do We Give Up?

Let's admit it [and I'm one of those openly admitting this].  We give up SO EASILY when the going gets tough primarily because we're afraid to FAIL.  So, Why Do We Give Up? It becomes like our defense mechanism simply because we're afraid to FAIL.  Indeed, we all come across a point in our life when we FAIL numerous times and NOTHING else we do seems to work in our favor, NADA❗❗❗ 

This chart says it all, it lists down the eight most common reasons WHY DO WE GIVE UP [sometimes so easily].  Those times we FAIL are the times when we need to push ourselves the hardest and tap into our mental strength to see those FAILURES eventually rolling up to become our SUCCESSES.  True, to develop that habit of THINKING POSITIVELY will take years because it NEVER happens overnight✅✅✅

Not to further weaken the weak hearted, it takes years of training to THINK POSITIVELY and for our brain to have that mental strength.  There is lot of HARD WORK involved and it is something that people are afraid of WHEN it comes to following their dreams.  No one is willing to put in the required TIME, EFFORT and PATIENCE to endure the hardships ahead📌📌📌

UNTIL we willingly accept the fact that NOTHING COMES WITHOUT A PRICE, there will be fewer SUCCESS stories and more people listening to them.  IF we think we have little time to develop our mental strength owing to our regular job OR any other work, let's RETHINK again.  As we are all given an equal number of time in a day, it's only a matter of utilizing it to the best💎💎💎

IF you are surrounded by discouraging emotions and 'negative' people, hearing negative things about your capabilities can lead many of us to [wrongly] believe in them till we become WEAK and ready to GIVE UP [so easily], sometimes even without lifting a finger.  So, WHY DO WE GIVE UP if we can envision ourselves to be someone akin to this successful guy💊💊💊

How Can We Be Special?

How Can We Be Special?

Allow me to share this Quora.com sharing from Mathew Vanderburg about that NAPKIN EXPERIENCE.  If you're hosting a party either at wprk or at home, try this experiment.  The first time, put the plain and regular napkins in a bunch for guests to use.  And watch the guests 'abuse' the napkins, pulling out wantonly, in any number and most people will take more than one.  And they will throw the napkins at the trash without care and get more as needed.  The next time you refill, try this.  NOTHING SPECIAL there, right❓❓❓

The next time you did refill the napkins, try refilling it with exactly the same brand, specs and quality.  Except for the colors which you chose pink.  Guess what happens next?  Notice the difference this time around.  People will tend to treat the pink napkins as SPECIAL, even pulling it out with care one at a time.  They will also likely preserve the napkins longer💊💊💊

What's the end result from this NAPKIN EXPERIMENT?  Safely, people tend to attach automatically an importance when something looks different or more sophisticated than they are used to.  This is also the same principle where well-dressed people get to be treated better.  Recently, our broker/friend confided the same recurring experience.  They really need to get attired impressively lest the clients they meet may look down on them📌📌📌

BTW, being SPECIAL does NOT just mean being exceptional or being better than others at some task, ability or skill BUT instead, being SPECIAL means being RESPECTED.  And if we want to stand out from the crowd and be recognized as a SPECIAL person, you can learn to start developing your inner self, giving it the RESPECT it deserves⏳⏳⏳

The cautionary advice here is NEVER pressure yourself to be that SPECIAL.  Simply put, be your natural self WHO remains steadfast to endeavor standing out where in a small room or in a crowd because that could lead you to be SPECIAL❗❗❗

Can You 'HOLD YOUR OWN'?

Can You 'HOLD YOUR OWN'?

To quote Indian Subodh R, Can You 'HOLD YOUR OWN'?  Somehow, this question seems as tame as it sounds BUT this question does bite.  To HOLD YOUR OWN means the world to us because this question challenges us as to whether we can HOLD YOUR OWN in the midst of all the challenges and tribulations in our lifetime journey, proven NOT to be that easy💎💎💎

This does NOT need any convincing or even nudging.  Fact is, to HOLD YOUR OWN means many things and everything in life.  It means HOLDING FORT.  It means RISING UP [from all the FALLS].  It means GETTING BACK ON-TRACK [after getting off-tracked].  It means picking up the broken pieces all over the floor💊💊💊

I vividly remember, I was safely ensconced in a decently paying job in Singapore when a headhunter literally HEAD-HUNTED me and did prey on me.  Long story short, they did prey on me because I surreptitiously accepted their "CAN'T REFUSE" $$$$ offer, only for that employer to literally abandon me 'HIGH and DRY' when the project bidding [where they literally USED my credentials in the BID] failed 📌📌📌

Only then I realized [belatedly] that life is no less a TUG-of-WAR as it involves all the PUSH & PULL which results with both WINNERS and VANQUISHED.  As an after-thought, I realized that indeed I can HOLD MY OWN once I'm grappling with a crisis whose severity level can't be worst than it is✅✅✅

So what's our insight for today?  Regardless of the support structure built around you, it is YOU and YOU YOURSELF you need to summon when you are in the midst of the mother of all crisis.  Others may FAIL you BUT you need to be strong and stern enough to tell yourself that regardless of the extent of your personal crisis at hand, it behooves that you HOLD YOUR OWN❗❗❗

Have You Dodged A Bullet Yet?

Have You Dodged A Bullet Yet?

No sirrrrs, I'm NOT into guns or bullets but BTW, Have You Dodged A Bullet Yet?  I believe that by the time we have graduated from university and plunged into the job market or commercial forays, you, me and most of us can take an honest personal attestation that at some point, we Have You Dodged A Bullet

BTW, for one to DODGE A BULLET is no fun thing.  Neither is it a foray for some weaklings.  BUT unlike the military personnel deployed by their respective countries in the world's 'HOT SPOTS', name it, Afghanistan, Iraq and the like, unlike those military specialists, surely NEVER in our lives are we harboring [at all] even that ever wildest dream of courting disaster by looking for a bullet which later you will attempt to DODGE.  Because apart from the military specialists, for us civilians, DODGING A BULLET is neither hoped or wished for [because we know it's fatal]

Problem is, DODGING A BULLET does NOT mean that you need to be at the level of Usain Bolt, the Jamaican who's the fastest runner in the world.  Because frantically running away to DODGE A BULLET does NOT require that kind of lightning speed and quickness.  Instead, it is a combination of handling a situation deftly and praying endless Hail Mary's hoping that the stars will align and will be by your side

With transparency, I'll admit that I did DODGE BULLETS a couple of times in my life.  And it is NO joke that all those bullets were fatal enough to lead me down six feet under the ground.  And some of those bullets were close shaves, those situations where I manage to save myself by the skin of my teeth, of course with all stars aligned during those dire moments❗❗❗

Oh yes, there were very low points in my life when and where I had to BITE THE BULLET [simply because my back was against the wall and I just ran out of luck] but again, BITING THE BULLET need NOT be that fatal ending.  Instead, it is your very last moments when and where you're clutching on thin and worn-out straws about to snap off BUT you still cling to it because those are the very LAST STRAWS.  Bottomline is, once you have DODGED A BULLET, learn the hard lessons and get it embedded in you no less✅✅✅

People Have Long Memories

People Have Long Memories

Yes folks, People Have Long Memories but this is NOT meant with any undertone BUT simply to highlight the mysteries of our MEMORY and how it impacts our life.  Till now, many mysteries of our MEMORY remains as a mystery. How are our MEMORY gets encoded within the neurons of our brain?  How distributed in our brain are the cells that ENCODE a given MEMORY? And HOW does our brain activity correspond to HOW we experience MEMORIES?  How MEMORIES are formed, stored and recalled, all these are puzzles that will never end confusing the typical layman like us.  BUT that's NOT our concern.  Our thread today focuses on the value of our LONG MEMORIES💎💎💎

Indeed, there's no one place within our brain that holds all of our MEMORIES.  Scientists confirm that the different areas of our BRAIN form and store different kinds of MEMORIES and different processes.  Our emotional responses such as FEAR does reside in one specific region of our BRAIN.  MEMORIES related to skills are associated with a different region of our BRAIN.  And another BRAIN region is crucial for forming, retaining and recalling declarative MEMORIES✅✅✅

So where does all our awareness of our BRAIN's MEMORY lead us to?  For practical reasons, let us ask ourselves?  Should I be more mindful in my interaction with others?  Should I minimize, where possible, unpleasant things in life?  Can I encourage more positive human experiences?  So HOW, WHEN and WHERE can I influence my own behavior more to my positive advantage❓❓❓

Given all these, does it make sense that we should cherish and treasure all the BEST things happening in our daily life?  It is being "IN THE MOMENT" and NOT distracted by either the past or the future.  Like these two little girls, they are in the midst of enjoying their "IN THE MOMENT" situation, oblivious that one of their BRAIN's regions is starting to store those bits and pieces of their ongoing "IN THE MOMENT" situation💊💊💊

On the other hand, let's face it, there are various INEVITABLES in life, especially those unpleasant moments and just to be up front to you, one of our BRAIN's regions will be storing those INEVITABLES. And as we move on in our daily regimen in life, our awareness of that "HUGE" capacity of our BRAIN's various regions to store all our past should encourage us to endeavor being a STEP AHEAD given people's LONG MEMORIES 📌📌📌

Life Is Perfectly Imperfect

Life Is Perfectly Imperfect

Do we all agree with this pedestrian statement that Life Is Perfectly Imperfect?  Yesirrrrrrs absolutely.  This reminds me of this joke from Quora.com [courtesy of Euterpe Muse]:  Rakesh is 35 yrs old and still single.  One day, a friend asked, 'WHY ARE YOU NOT MARRIED?  Rakesh replied, ACTUALLY I'VE FOUND MANY WOMEN I WANT TO MARRY BUT WHEN I BRING THEM HOME TO MEET MY PARENTS, MY MOM DOESN'T LIKE THEM'💞💞💞

His friend pauses and says, 'JUST FIND ONE WHO IS JUST LIKE YOUR MOTHER'.  Few months later, they meet again and his friend asks, 'DID YOU FIND A PERFECT GIRL YET?  DID YOUR MOTHER LIKE HER?  With a frown on his face, Rakesh says, 'YES I FOUND THE PERFECT GIRL. SHE WAS JUST LIKE MY MOTHER.  MY MOM LIKED HER VERY MUCH'.  Then the friend asks, 'THEN WHAT WAS THE PROBLEM?' Rakesh replied, 'NOW MY FATHER DOES NOT LIKE HER'📌📌📌

Indeed, that's how frustratingly life can be imperfect.  Not even if you attempted AMERICA'S GOT TALENT.  Would you expect judges like Simon Cowell to give you a PERFECT 10?  HELL NO.  That's our problem with PERFECTION.  The desire to be PERFECT burdens many people and ironically dooms them to unhappiness,  At first, we might think that trying to be PERFECT is desirable.  Let's take a close look at that belief.  PERFECTION does suggest a state of flawlessness, without any defects for that matter.  Seeking PERFECTION at a particular task might be achievable and certainly, students can strive to attain a perfect grade✅✅✅

Yet Yet Yet, the goal of being PERFECT in life is altogether a different story.  Even a machine or electronic device may operate PERFECTLY [at least for a while].  Over time, it will wear down and require repair.  BUT hey, isn't it we humans were NEVER intended to be PERFECT!  That's part of the definition of being human.  Heard of the expression, "I'M JUST HUMAN".  We really need to remind ourselves that the goal ISN'T to emulate a machine BUT to embrace the imperfection of being human❗❗❗

Problem is, even in our cross-cultures, we move relentlessly towards greater emphasis on achievement and goal focus and when we do so, we seem to lose that capacity for wonder and awe.  Ironically, if someone ever could achieve that impossible state of PERFECTION, it is likely that very few people would accept that.  Again, it's all because LIFE IS PERFECTLY IMPERFECT➕➕➕

Truth Will Set You Free

Truth Will Set You Free

Do we believe that Truth Will Set You Free?  Allow me to share this Quora.com post by Cruisepower, a pilot.  As a pilot, he never missed a flight while working for one of the biggest global airlines.  One day, he didn't wake up as for some reason, his phone alarm didn't buzz.  Next thing he did was to call his chief pilot and told him the TRUTH.  The chief pilot then told him he'll call back in 10 minutes📗📙📘

That 10 minutes seemed like 10 hours [with all the agony of waiting].  Finally, the chief pilot said that a standby pilot took over his post for that flight and that incident should serve as his LAST WARNING.  Indeed Truth Will Set You Free,  And we can't argue further with this quote from Mark Twain, the father of American Literature:  IF YOU WILL TELL THE TRUTH, YOU DON'T HAVE TO REMEMBER ANYTHING💎💎💎

This is neither about religion nor has this got to do with the Bible verses.  Many years ago, I did flop at my work.  How did I handle it?  I told my boss that I missed out one step of the procedure.  On another instance, I delivered output whose QUALITY was less that stellar.  How did I wiggle myself out of it?  Truth Will Set You Free📌📌📌

So, what happens if we DON'T tell that darn Truth?  Obviously, there will be numerous consequences and implications.  First off, you are NOT achieving CLOSURE of that exception as you tend to cover it up or bury them under the bushel of oblivion.  Secondly, that issue arising from the exception may likely exacerbate and worsen instead of being managed and controlled.  Thirdly, by keeping that "PANDORA's Box" open, you are exposing yourself to undue stress and anxiety.  And at worse, it may even impact your health.  Isn't that mind-boggling?  Only Truth Will Set You Free but you got to grab the bull by its horns❗❗❗

So what's our FIX?  Fairly simple.  Stick to this mantra and never skirt it or five it a lip service:  Truth Will Set You Free and that will save you from tons and tons of unnecessary anxiety, stress and undue pressure [especially if you're guilty of that undoing].  BUT who doesn't make mistakes?  Think about this hardened TRUTH that Truth Will Set You Free✅✅✅