Nope, Life Is NOT A Competition!

Nope, Life Is NOT A Competition!

Like all these flowers that bloom on their own and NOT bothered as to how the other flowers are blooming, there is that growing misconception that given the challenges in life, life is a competition BUT Nope, Life Is NOT A Competition at all.  And although it seems that way, it is unfortunate that it seems, sometimes jealousy can get the best of us.  So, HOW often do you find yourself getting jealous of other people?  And does jealousy affect the way you perceive others OR the way you perceive yourself???

Many times in the past, I admit that I had that recurring tendency to compare, compete and be jealous of others, thinking that I DIDN'T measure up].  BUT alas, over time, I did learn HOW to navigate these feelings of jealousy by understanding the difference between NEGATIVE competition and POSITIVE competition.  So, HOW did I learn that life is NOT a competition

NOT to blame my parents or even my mentors in school BUT as a young adult, I was under the constant impression that life is a competition, WHICH was a big issue for me and seemed to make sense, especially as someone involved in real-life competitions.  So, the past decades or so, I've done quite a bit of personal growth even as I erroneously believed then that I was already past that stage of being jealous of others

NOT until I went through numerous challenging situations, and those were 'friendly reminders' to me as to HOW jealous and competitive I can still be [during those years]. With intense soul searching, I realized that much of the conflict and judgment that shows up has got to do more with me being overly competitive with them [WHEN in truth, I DIDN'T realize then that there was NO competition].  By then, I realized I had to navigate jealousy itself.  And while it was easy to tell someone that life is NOT a competition, it was hard to eliminate jealousy within ourselves 

Our takeaway:  As we live in a very competitive world, early in life we learn to compete and as we get into the 'real world', we often continue to compete with family members, friends, coworkers and the rest, especially in our professional lives.  WHAT we missed out are the NEGATIVE effects of competition which can even result in lower self-esteem, sometimes even impacting relationships.  And before things turn from bad to worse, let us agree that LIFE IS NOT A COMPETITION!!!

Nope, You CAN'T Be Nice To Everyone!

Nope, You CAN'T Be Nice To Everyone!

From our childhood into adulthood, we were taught and exposed to be NICE TO EVERYONE, which just makes sense.  No question about that BUT here's the BIG BUT.  You DON'T need to mentally and/or physically exhaust yourself to be NICE TO EVERYONE.  Nope, You CAN'T Be Nice To Everyone!  BUT please DON'T get me wrong.  We are NOT egging you to roam around being rude intentionally.  Instead, in life, it's all about setting the demarcation lines, the boundaries📗📙📘

The problem with one of the very first rules we learned in life, that of BEING NICE, is its over-generalization because there are certain times WHEN you DON'T have to be NICE and indeed SHOULDN'T.  This explains WHY it is imperative to give ourselves permission to 'BREAK THE RULE' when necessary.  Problem is, challenging the imperative to be NICE is a 'feminist' act because 'NICENESS' is so frequently gendered.  The old school taught us that girls are supposed to be made of 'sugar, spice and everything'.  This means the girls are expected to smile all the time , help others without expecting anything in return and avoid making people angry💦💦💦

Hey, since those AREN'T really the qualities of a leader, being too nice can hold us back in our careers.  Of course, KINDNESS is generally a good thing and we SHOULDN'T discourage it WHEN it's NOT harming anyone just because the majority DON'T manifest it.  BUT there are situations WHEN it could have negative effects, like we SHOULDN'T feel pressured to be NICE to others if that means sacrificing our own well-being💥💥💥

In fact, it's always OK to say NO to requests if and WHEN accommodating such request[s] may even strain you OR put someone else's wants above your own comfort level.  And sometimes, you do miss out an opportunity if you wait for everyone to have a fair shot.  It's OK to be competitive if that's WHAT it takes to get a promotion, a seat on the train, or something else that's in limited supply.  BTW, being NICE is different from being KIND and KINDNESS can require telling people things they DON'T want to hear in order to help them.  Oh YES, it's always OK to use WHATEVER means necessary to defend yourself or get yourself out of a dangerous OR risky situation💦💦💦

Our takeaway:  Fact of the matter here is that we humans have a limited capacity to be NICE to everyone.  After some time, the energy wanes and derails, till we get exhausted.  Have you heard of narratives where the older sibling kept financially supporting a younger sibling WHO was like a 'parasite' to him.  Until one day, the older sibling realizes that 'ENOUGH IS ENOUGH'.  Hey, we DON'T want to be unconditionally NICE to everyone at all times!@#$%?