Yes, Sometimes We Need HELP!

Yes, Sometimes We Need HELP!

I'll be the first one to admit that I am NOT good [at all] at asking for HELP.  Looking back, even during my childhood, I was fairly independent.  Probably, I was brought about that way by our family's day-to-day circumstances WHERE my parents were constantly attempting to 'let both ends meet' [more often, to NO avail].  So, probably, that perfectionist attitude got stuck with me since then.  Either way, I wanted to do everything 'RIGHT' and on a different plane, I wanted to do things all by myself.  BUT Yes, Sometimes We Need HELP!  WHY?  WHILE this mindset of self-sufficiency can be beneficial on some fronts, it can very easily swing to the harmful side of things from a HELP-HURT scale perspective.  And I'd like to admit my mea culpa during those times when I refused to seek HELP, find HELP📗📙📘

To a fault, we can partly blame our respective cultures, especially the western culture WHO teaches us all to be fiercely individualistic.  We are taught to pull ourselves by the bootstraps and keep going even in the most difficult situations.  BUT that mindset leaves people suffering all by themselves, without a support system to turn in their most difficult times.  WHEN Covid-19 pandemic hit us all straight from the cold, there was widespread consensus that people were experiencing an epidemic of loneliness and the amount of people with no close friends kept multiplying, year on year, and the numbers hit alarming levels📌📌📌

In the 90s, the popular and fan-favorite show was 'FRIENDS' but today, that would quite unrealistic because generally, people simply DON'T have that many friends anymore [especially in western countries].  Sadly, this is a stark and sad contrast to the way things have been in the past.  Just last weekend, I had a 'mini reunion' with classmates from my elementary and high school days because we did cherish friendships that much💦💦💦

Post-pandemic, mental health issues hit way beyond the ceilings.  And for us with NO mental health issues, let's think about those enduring their mental health issues.  Imagine if even simple tasks like getting out of bed OR washing the dishes seem like too much.  Pitifully, due to shame and stigma, many mentally ill people DON'T even speak up about their needs, either OR ask for the help they need.  Even in a professional setting, WHAT we often hear is the advice that we should be able to get better on our own and that medications are a crutch.  Unfortunately, even for many WHO live a better life these days, many of them still struggle to find happiness in their daily life💧💧💧

Our takeaway:  If things are NOT going awry and YET we are in that pitiful predicament of unhappiness, let us figure things out.  HOW can we be content in life and YET WHAT explains if things are still so bad and so hard?  This is WHERE reaching out for HELP matters especially if making simple mindful alterations in your daily routine DOESN'T help at all.  Taking antidepressants is NOT the final fix if indeed we need HELP.  We just need to adjust to the idea of needing a little extra HELP to give our brain the opportunity to feel a little more emotion and as we begin to accept this, life might just throw a new curve ball right back in your face.  And indeed, SOMETIMES WE NEED HELP💥💥💥

Yes, Friendship Breakups Can Be That Bad

Yes, Friendship Breakups Can Be That Bad

Yes, Friendship Breakups Can Be That Bad.  We might think this is NOT worth to be our thread today BUT me thinks this discussion thread deserves as much space as relationships because in fact and in truth, I'm quite sure that there are more friendships than relationships all rolled into one.  And let us NOT belittle the consequence and ramifications of FRIENDSHIP BREAKUPs because it could be as impactful as worst case scenarios we dread📗📙📘

Numbers DON'T lie.  In the U.S. alone, a recent study showed that 86% of teenagers in the U.S. have experienced various levels of friendship breakups.  Though we tend to think of BAD breakups as the end of romantic relationships, losing a friend , especially one WHO has been close to you, can be just as hard.  Research into attachment can help us make sense of WHY a friendship breakup can be devastating💢💢💢

I remember, as children, our most important relationships are with our parents OR caregivers. BUT during adolescence this changes.  This part of our genetic design, readying us to grow up and build adult lives independent of our parents.  We shift the person we most trust, rely on, and seek intimate contact with, to someone WHO is a romantic partner OR even a best friend.  A bond with a friend, your companion, confidante and co-traveller through big changes as you enter adulthood can be stronger than any other bond💦💦💦

In particular, women in particular tend to discuss personal issues with friends more than they do with family.  HOW often do we hear that friends provide ongoing stability even WHEN romantic relationships might come and go.  Having a BEST FRIEND is an important part of our healthy development.  So, it's NO wonder that it can rock your world if things go wrong with that person.  It can be especially disorienting IF you DIDN'T see it coming.  Even recent researches show that the most common method of ending a FRIENDSHIP is by avoidance, NOT addressing the issues involved.  Indeed, this can be a shock and the feeling of being rejected can hurt as much as physical pain😖😖😖

WHAT befuddles me is WHY do FRIENDSHIPS breakup?  Studies show that the biggest reasons for FRIENDSHIPS ending in young adulthood are physical separation, making new friends which replace old ones, growing to dislike the friend and interference due to dating OR marriage.  Visually imagine that scenario where there are three people and you're in the middle between the guy courting you and your bestie.  WHEN you come to terms with the guy courting you, literally, you significantly orbit much closer to him, widening that gap and distance between you and your bestie.  BUT FRIENDSHIPS DON'T have to end over changes like this, if you can try to empathize with WHAT your friend is going through rather than judging them OR taking it personally💥💥💥

Yes, You Can Take A Break BUT....

Yes, You Can Take A Break BUT....

We live in a cross-cultural environment [globally in fact] that values being BUSY, where HARD WORK means working long hours and working all the time.  How many times have you bumped someone on the street and you ask them HOW they're doing and they sigh and say, "OH BUSY".  So, indeed, being BUSY seems to be the NEW NORMAL.  And it seems that because of this, WHEN we're NOT busy, we feel like we're doing something wrong.  So, what's the antidote? You Can Take A Break BUT NOT FOR LONG.  Why do we caution you up front that your BREAK should be NOT FOR LONG?  Because I can attest I have witnessed many people I know first hand WHO went on a break that ended up as a sabbatical.  WHERE ARE THEY NOW???

BUT before you get so excited and start to arrange all your travel logistics, let's be proactive to ensure that your BREAK is NOT FOR LONG.  So HOW?  

CONTROL WHAT YOU CAN - This is NOT to say that you got to work 60 hours a week so you feel OK taking the next week off.  Instead, WHAT we meant is to do some planning so you feel more comfortable taking the time off.  Are there tasks you can delegate WHILE you're away so all that work ISN'T waiting for you WHEN you get back to your desk?  Can you enable your Outlook out-of-office?  Are there meetings or calls that can be rescheduled💥💥💥

It's true our brains love to feel being comfortable and in control.  A bit of prep work can help you feel a bit more confident that the world ISN'T going to end if you're away from your emails for a few days.  And moreover, it is imperative that at work, we should develop someone who will be our 2IC [2nd in command].  Preparing your 2IC to ensure his readiness will go a long way in keeping you calm and NOT apprehensive that in case you to take a leave off from work, there is a co-driver who will remain in the steering wheel, rather than grounding to a halt💧💧💧

GET YOUR BRAIN TO THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX - Remind yourself of the benefits of taking a break when guilt creeps back in. Culling from my past experiences, these are the 'low hanging fruits' I did reap through the years:

• My brain got the chance to REST/RECHARGE
• My body did rest as well and RE-ENERGIZED
• I became MORE creative if I'm NOT stressed
• My motivation had a 'shot in the arm'
• I was able to come up with trailblazing ideas
• Yes, I managed to achieve that work-life balance that was elusive for many years.  From that time on, I managed to give the quality time in my personal life, which for the longest time I was guilty of

Our takeaway:  DON'T take a break way far too long because:

1. You might lose the MOMENTUM
2. You will lose that enertia, for sure
3. You will lose the tempo that keeps you going
4. You may get misguided by spending more time for your REST [far way too long]

At the end of the day, WHILE we do deserve a BREAK from our frenetic pace in life, let us ensure that we get back and roll up our sleeves as soon as we got re-energized 😀😀😀