A Good Fit Is Fair Enough [A Perfect Fit Is A Bonus]

 

Many of us [and I "WAS" one of those in the past] tend to be quite obsessed with that "PERFECT FIT" criterion BUT hold on, that's the ideal one, right?  And more often, the 'ideal one' will take light-years versus WHAT is feasible and realistic, and that's the 'GOOD FIT' thing.  BUT before I get whacked, we're NOT rallying against perfectionism.  After all, I would openly admit from my school days onwards, perfectionism was always my mantra and I CAN'T imagine myself giving up an inch to compromise.  So, you might ask me, am I acting now like a chameleon?  NO sirrrrrs.  I'm NOT abandoning perfectionism BUT in our daily life, the reality is that perfectionism will remain the ideal path BUT WHETHER it's the way to go, take a pulse check if the prevailing circumstances can validate that ideal path as the realistic path💚💛💜

NOW, WHO wants to be significantly happier?  Obviously everyone raises his hand, right?  Those years WHEN I was so uncompromising with perfection, I DIDN'T realize then that it was outdated, subjective and ultimately unattainable so I let that sh** go and dissipate in thin air.  From WHERE I stand right now, I'll openly admit that I am a hundred-fold much happier at far greater peace and in the end, deep inside and out, I can vouch that my current standing was NOT all because of perfection because all along, I was most often less than perfect💥💥💥

So, the $64 question is, IS PERFECTION OUTDATED?  NOW, that's debatable BUT it is important to question WHY that struggle to PERFECTION exists within us in the first place. Likely, you may tend to flash to those external influences from your childhood, perhaps starting from our own church/religion WHERE the pastor says we were born in sin!@#$%?

Besides considering HOW long ago that was, emulating anyone from our own faith and religion quickly becomes archaic WHEN we tend to envision HOW individuality would drastically stifle if everyone strove to be one version of being perfect.  Compare it to someone saying the perfect car is the BMW or Mercedenz-Benz, so all the rest of the car brands should be at the level of those car make BUT sorry, that's crazy, right😡😡😡

Our takeaway:  Let's cut the crap out here.  Much as perfection is the best inspiration and motivation for each of our pursuits, inside out, it is always subjective.  Bottomline, let's pull to a full stop any tendency to measure up for others.  After all, it's you WHO needs to set the bar for yourself, NOT even PERFECTION!!!

The KNOWNs + UNKNOWNs + IN-BETWEENso In Life

 

YES YES yowwww, life is an equation indeed, that unholy combination of the KNOWNs, the UNKNOWNs and those IN-BETWEENs.  So, the potential next questions is:  HOW DO WE DEAL with the UNKNOWNs?  True, often we have a good grasp of the KNOWNs, the GIVENs. BUT the UNKNOWNs?  Stating the so obvious thing here, life is always filled with uncertainty, worries and apprehensions about the future.  The long and short of it, those are the UNKNOWNs we've got to deal in life.  At the end of the day, it is tying those loose ends and reconciling both KNOWNs and UNKNOWNs into an equation that can be worked on📗📙📘

So WHAT?  In Singapore, the most common expression is:  So HOW?  WHAT's all these UNKNOWNS in our life?  As they seem to be all around us, hovering all over us, never more so than even today, right?  WHETHER it's the global or regional conflicts, those bubbles bursting in the market, the economy pushing mortgage rates to shoot up and even down to our day-to-day personal finances, much of WHAT lies ahead in life is, more often, part of the UNKNOWNs.  And yet, as human beings, we tend to crave for security.  WHO does NOT want for things to be safe and certain, for us to have that sense of control of our lives and well-being!!!

I'll be the very first one to agree that all those UNKNOWNs can potentially leave us stressed and sometimes even anxious to the extent that we tend to feel powerless over the direction of our life.  True, before we know it, it drains our emotional 'battery' with us ending up trapped in that downward spiral of endless "WHAT IFs" and end up painting all those worst case scenarios about WHAT tomorrow and even the next-next days will bring us.  YES, to an extent, we're all different in HOW much those UNKNOWNs would impact our lives💚💛💜

Now, let's set the score straight.  Each of us is unique and different in HOW much all those UNKNOWNs can be tolerated in life.  I've met people WHO seem to relish and really enjoy taking risks and living a life midst of multiple UNKNOWNs.  Others?  YES, many of us will find having those UNKNOWNs and that sort of randomness of life deeply distressing💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  Let's face it, regardless of our mindsets, we all have limits and thresholds WHICH may be breached.  BUT if we feel overwhelmed by UNKNOWNs, many of us are in that same boat.  It's further imperative to note that no matter HOW helpless and hopeless we may feel, it is HOW we deal with the UNKNOWNs that will shape up the probable outcome arising from all these equations with multiple UNKNOWN variables😡😡😡😡

Choose Right FromThe 'GET GO'

 

While watching the Netflix Series "Billionaire's Bunker", someone advised:  YOU MUST CHOOSE RIGHT FROM THE GET-GO".  And I CAN'T agree less with this because in any endeavor OR path we need to thread, way prior to the GET-GO, ideally, everything has to be crystal clear.  Your goal.  Your path to take.  Your strategy.  Your 'WHAT IF' scenarios to mitigate risks identified up front.  And you've got to reconcile your short-term goals with the medium-term and preferably, to be strategic, with your long-term💚💛💜

To quote the great American civil rights leader, Martin Luther King, YOU DON'T HAVE SEE THE WHOLE STAIRCASE.  JUST TAKE THE FIRST STEP.  And if I piggy-back from there, CHOOSE RIGHT FROM THE 'GET GO'.  Nothing gets better than having an auspicious start.  Look no farther than during our school days.  Nothing beats Day-1 if we started off enjoying the whole day with our classmates we missed during the school break😊😊😊

WHICH reminds me of the Dutch style wherein my boss, our Dutch IT Manager then, brought me [right on my Day-1] at his favorite bar in the middle of the city's red light district, right at 12 high noon.  Before I get whacked, allow me to take exception to that kind of Day-1 because I won't vouch for it, definitely NOT the way to CHOOSE RIGHT FROM THE 'GET GO'.  But other than that outlier, let's go back to all our Day-1's.  Be it your Day-1 in your new job or Day-1 in the operations of your commercial foray, it augurs well that we CHOOSE RIGHT FROM THE 'GET GO'.  Now, let's run WHAT IFs.  WHAT IF you flop right on your Day-1???

YES YES yowww, definitely, if you flop right on Day-1, it WON'T be the 'end of the world', absolutely NOT unless Armageddon happens, knock on wood.  BUT nevertheless, WHO would welcome that kind of Day-1?  NOT me, definitely.   NOW, let's go back to basics.  HOW do we want to start our week?  Very obviously, we want things to start right, right?  Let's take a leaf from competitive sports.  Right from the buzzer, the basketball hoops coach will always remind his First 5 players to ignite a fast-paced first quarter.  WHY take that fast-paced first quarter?  Simple.  The team wants to pile up more than enough points WHILE leaving the opposing team huffing and puffing, whew!@#$%?

Our takeaway:  Like it OR not, how much effort will one exert at the starting line versus the FINISH LINE?  Normally, it's at the FINISH LINE.  BUT can we take a paradigm shift.  WHY DON'T we CHOOSE RIGHT FROM THE 'GET GO'?  The UPSIDEs run up with a 100 to 1 ratio with the DOWNSIDEs and still counting😉😉😉

Who Wants To Be A Quitter? Then, Join Me Now!

 

WHO Wants To Be A Quitter?  Then, Join Me Now!  YES dude, this is a serious call.  No joke.  No jerks.  Thing is, we are raised, schooled, trained and mentored NOT to QUIT [at all cost].  You'll get haranqued with 'A QUITTER NEVER WINS' and so on.  Oooops, can we pull the brakes for now please?  We're NOT egging you to QUIT on WHAT is good OR on WHAT is an UPSIDE for your life.  NOT at all dude💚💛💜

True, through the years, I did mellow, I did become more circumspect and less 'off the cuff' either in my reactions or even actions.  And even as I believe I became more 'balanced', I did QUIT a few things in my life, WHEN and WHEREVER my judgment call did tell me that it was the best move and best act to take [at that point in time].  BUT sometimes even with a heavy heart, I'd admit that at times, I seemed to torture myself in that 'in between' moments NOT until I was certain I did it right in QUITTING💥💥💥

NOT to blame our forefathers and mentors, we were all recipients of lessons that emphasized all-out hard work, staying the course and grinding it out as the rightful path towards success.  BUT alas, those behaviors somehow became synonymous with virtue.  Seeing things through to the end, NO MATTER WHAT, somehow meant that you OR me, were a better person.  Seriously?  BUT alas, that false belief gets baked into our psyche.  And quoting recent research studies, many of those ideals have led to alarming rates of anxiety, depression and even burnout.  And that post-pandemic movement of quite QUITTING was a sign that millions of us were somehow disillusioned by the promises of those virtues.  BUT the truth is, we've all known someone WHO did QUIT an unfulfilling job, an unhappy relationship OR even an unhealthy passion and instead found joy and success somewhere else.  Sounds familiar???

BUT did you hear that QUITTING is in our DNA?  Our hunter-gatherer ancestors knew WHEN to QUIT a chase so they DIDN'T become the prey.  They knew WHEN to gather their belongings and move on to greener pastures.  BUT hey, there are stuff to QUIT!

QUIT trying to please everyone, will you?

QUIT fearing change & focus on present possibilities.

QUIT living in the past & NOT dwell on regrets or hurts

QUIT putting yourself down because you are ENOUGH

QUIT overthinking and trust your instincts instead

Our takeaway:  WHILE QUITTING per se connotes something NEGATIVE, there are numerous things in our life WHERE QUITTING is the way to go, WHERE QUITTING is the no-brainer decision, WHERE QUITTING seem to carry that lifelong stigma of negativism BUT WHEN it is given more than just another cursory consideration, we DON'T need to move mountains and swing around one hundred eighty degrees our mindsets because, the obvious truths are right there for our picking, one too many things in life WHERE QUITTING is the best fix to the root cause❗❗❗

Those Racing Thoughts

 

Everyone of us would have those moments WHEN our brain suddenly goes haywire.  Been there [and it's tough, dude].  Many times, I would get fixated on the same thought, like being stuck on a hamster wheel.   OR at times, my thoughts would aimlessly bounce from one random topic to the next LIKE those pinballs.  In the world of psychology, they refer to this as those RACING THOUGHTS.  And the most common cause?  Psychologists point to anxiety and they support that hypothesis based on the study WHICH showed that WHEN people struggle with those RACING THOUGHTS, they become contantly worried [with those RACING THOUGHTS]📗📙📘

Studies show that the most common behaviors of people struggling with RACING THOUGHTS are constantly worried about WHAT needs to be done, WHAT HASN'T been done and WHAT is next.  In the simplest words, they seem to be obsessed about the PAST, the PRESENT and even the FUTURE situations, endling up rattling with a long list of WHAT IF scenarios.  WHERE does this lead us to?  Obviously, we get hostaged by either the PAST, the PRESENT or the FUTURE!!!

Can we hear from the experts to handle our RACING THOUGHTS? Experts advise us to consider those RACING THOUGHTS as noise and nothing more than that.  And as it is sometimes WHAT are minds do, let it be.  Then, that would give us that sense of control so we DON'T feel helpless.  And WHEN we put our RACING THOUGHTS in that proper context, they would feel that less threatening and in the end, much more effective to be managed.  And here's a practice advice from the experts.Let's try to distract our own self as experts claim that we can sometimes 'break the cycle' by distracting our own mind.  A practical advice is this snide comment 'HERE I GO AGAIN WITH MY LIST OF THOUGHTS THAT NEVER ENDS'💥💥💥

Now, this sounds like a token advice BUT experts opine that we got to keep moving.  WHY?  Simple and straightforward.  Moving is helpful for defusing anxiety as it NOT only breaks a vicious cycle of those RACING THOUGHTS but in the end, it gives our mind something else to focus on.  It could be as like doing a set of push-ups, 10 jumping jacks, then take a five-minute walk OR as simple as doing household chores.  And building up a regular exercise schedule into our life as well as it will offer those short bursts of activities.  BEEN THERE, DONE THAT and I can attest it works.  WHILE I am NO exercise buff, we pursued a consistent daily walk [for roughly an hour everyday [except if there are heavy rains] to prepare ourselves for our 2-week Japan holidays💚💛💜

Our takeaway:  If those RACING THOUGHTS seem to bother you as frequent as it's been, even as a non-expert, I would advise you to 'arrest this skid' pronto and ASAP before it becomes too late for any action to be effective.  At the end of the day, we need to realize in life that if something needs to be ACTIONED, take ACTION and close things out only after the ACTION becomes successful enough.  Otherwise, THOSE RACING THOUGHTS might take over your life😡😡😡

Hands-down, Calling Is WAY BETTER Than Messaging/Texting

 

Hands-down, Calling Is WAY BETTER Than Messaging/Texting BUT WHAT'S GOING ON???    Message threads [regardless of the messaging platform] are getting longer way beyond WHAT I have had with email threads since that time WHEN the email platforms were pioneered by IBM then.  And HOW about audio calls?  Sadly, it's getting fewer and rare.  BUT WHAT explains that downturn❓❓❓

We're NOT about to dip our hands to compare prevailing cellular phones ownership across different countries BUT in the United States alone, there is more than 98% ownership WHILE in the rest of the First World, they have almost 100% ownerships across their population.  BUT before we get stuck up with that ownership stuff, the question is, WHAT's the percentage of mobile phone owners WHO prefer messaging instead of audio calls❓❓❓

NOT to our surprise, almost all surveys from most countries both from first world and the third world point to a solid majority [68% in fact] WHO prefer messaging [either in text, SMS or even via other messaging platforms, e.g. Messenger, WhatsApp, Telegram, etc] over audio calls.  BUT WHY?  Obviously, there are multiple factors tilting the numbers in favor of messaging BUT topping that long list of reasons is the huge upside of messaging over audio calls💥💥💥

Very obviously, since messaging is an asynchronous communication, messages can be sent and replied on at a time most convenient to the concerned person[s].  Besides the 'timing' factor being intrusive for audio calls, messaging gives us all that luxury of time to think and even prepare and finalize the very content of our messages before sending it.  With that, there will be very little OR low pressure WHEN was is in the midst of preparing the message.  WHEREAS bloppers and blunders happen more often during audio calls😡😡😡

Our takeaway:  Even as there are no hard rules WHETHER we should be messaging OR calling, throughout the years, I always pushed that we should pick up the phone IF:

• IF the content is serious and/or intense enough
• IF there is a sense of urgency in the message[s]
• IF it will likely require more than just one retort
• IF imparting a message will need more than just one short, crisp one-liner
  

And WHEN is messaging the way to go?

• WHEN it's SMS [short messaging] at that
• WHEN it's likely a one-way update OR alert

Otherwise, hands-down, calling is WAY BETTER than messaging/texting [UNLESS circumstances portend that messaging is the way to go😊😊😊

BTW, how many couples have parted ways [for good] because all exchanges were limited messages???

Show Up In Every Moment

 

In the competitive world of sports, SHOWING UP IN EVERY MOMENT is NOT even a talking point.  In the NBA, where rosters are required to have 14-15 players, one can be a damn good player BUT if you're NOT part of the starting five, the best hope you can cling to, is to bea rotation player.  Unfortunately, NBA coaches would normally dip down to 9 players and rarely do they rotate down to the 10th player.  So, if you're part of the 15-man roster and you're likely a rotation player, you are expected to be physically and mentally ready anytime your name is called to play in the court.  Besides having that NEXT MAN UP mindset, every player is duty-bound to SHOW UP IN EVERY MOMENT.  And this runs true especially in our daily lives.  WHETHER it's at home, at your business OR at the workplace, everyone of us is expected to SHOW UP IN EVERY MOMENT📗📙📘

I remember that horrific crash of the Air India flight bound for London.  After that tragedy, pictures of a one family of Indians taking selfies as the plane was taking off from the runway, everyone was smiling from ear to ear and instantly, they sent those pictures to their friends and relatives just a minute or less before the plane crashed into a school next to the airport runway.  Those pictures melted the hearts of almost everyone, even as their super-happy selfies showed that they were all SHOWING UP in those moments💚💛💜

Much as we feel sad for that tragic plane crash, this accentuates the need for us to SHOW UP IN EVERY MOMENT regardless your whereabouts or your company.  WHY?  There are multiple compelling reasons WHY we need to SHOW UP EVERY MOMENT.  Primero, the PRESENT MOMENT deserves all our focus and attention, whether that's at our family home, at work, at our business forays OR even WHEN we're hanging with friends for coffee @Starbucks.  I CAN'T imagine being half-hearted whether I'm at work OR at home💥💥💥

I recall one time at the workplace, one of my Team Leads reached out to me, seeking help how to manage one Asset Team analyst WHO kept committing one error after another that very day.  I had to tap our team member and talked to him.  Without any premature guessings, I reached out to understand his situation.  Sadly, he was facing a couple of family-related issues at home and as much as he was trying to cope up, I understood his predicament.  My QUICK FIX?  I suggested that he will take a 'TIME OFF' right after our 1-on-1 so that he can focus on his domestic situation😡😡😡

Our takeaway:  Regardless of the situation we are in now, SHOWING UP IN EVERY MOMENT is expected from each of us.  IF we are facing personal challenges that need to be hurdled, face up to it, give it the impetus it needs.  IF one is struggling with financial issues, instead of avoiding or running away from the problem, face it and fix it because that problem will never dissipate in thin air.  IF you're attending a social function, enjoy those moments no less.  IF you're at work, keep your focus until you wrap things up.  IF you are with your loved ones OR best friends, relish those moments because that same moment will NEVER replicate come next day, next week OR even next year.  YES dude, SHOW UP IN EVERY MOMENT😊😊😊

Be Cautious About HABIT FORMATION

 

Be Cautioned about HABIT FORMATION.  WHICH reminds, me, HOW many times we do something out of HABIT?  LIKE drinking coffee.  LIKE biting your fingernails WHEN you're nervous.  LIKE checking your emails a hundred times day and your social messages a thousand times a day.  We end up going through the motions WITHOUT a second thought because it's just WHAT you do.  NOW, HOW many of those HABITS do we think are actually productive???

WHILE we'd like to say all our HABITS make us feel great, it's quite likely we also have some HABITS that are inhibiting our productivity.  YES, HABITS are behaviors we perform on the regular and often subconsciously.  IF we're trying to break a bad HABIT, first things first, step #1 is to identify WHAT IT REALLY IS💚💛💜

Once we pinpoint WHAT it is you're doing that makes you that unproductive, we are advised to actively work NOT to do it.  YES, it requires work [+ Xtra courage].  BUT as I went through that, I managed to get back the extra time back during those days once I successfully cut out those distractions.  Common unproductive habits could be these:

• CHECKING YOUR PHONE - do this LESS FREQUENTLY
• PRIORITIZING SOMEONE ELSE - prioritize YOURSELF
• BEING PERFECTIONIST - instead, COMPLETE FIRST
• DELAYING DECISIONS - face things HEAD-ON ASAP
• WORK AT YOUR LEASE PRODUCTIVE TIMES
• PICK UP THE PHONE TO CLARITY - Reduce messages
• DON'T PRIORITIZE YOUR WORK OVER HEALTH
• AVOID INFO OVERLOAD - you'll get overwhelmed, drowned

Besides these common NOT so ideal HABITS, I observed [even on myself many years back], that sometimes we tend to compare ourselves with others.  I'll tell you WHAT.  That is a very self-defeating HABIT.  HOW much time will you waste wondering WHY your coworker got a promotion over you OR WHY your high school classmate is now a CEO [while you're NOT].  Probably more than admitting, there is NO benefit comparing yourself to others, that's a FACT!!!

Our takeaway:  One last thing.  Sometimes, our own pride lords it over us.  And we end up reinventing the wheels WHEN all we needed to do is ASK FOR HELP.  WHILE I was guilty of that a few times in the past, I reaIized that I should NOT be spinning my wheels if all I needed was to get an insight from someone else.  Asking for help is always an option.  More importantly, it's NOT a tough call to revisit our NOT so helpful HABITS dude😍😍😍 

Are You Playing The Same Sport?

 

Nope, WHEN I asked ARE YOU PLAYING THE SAME SPORT, I DIDN'T mean it literally [because it's possible you DON'T have any sport] BUT instead, I'm drawing a parallelism here with our directions in life.  WHAT keeps you busy in life?  WHAT goals are you focused to achieve?  WHAT is your own preferred 'destination' for you to proclaim you have achieved success?  Exactly my point here.  So, ARE YOU PLAYING THE SAME SPORT?  Are you into commercial forays in a startup small-scale business [WHEN you DON'T have even that slightest motivation to kick your ass hard enough and grind to the limits, working and stretching your effective work hours way beyond the typical 8x5 office-based work💜💛💚

HOW often we heard these rumblings around:

WHY am I in this job WHICH I hate?

WHAT explains I ended up in this startup?

WHY am I enrolled in this course I DON'T want?

WHAT happened WHY I ended up in this event?

WHY do I have to grind WHEN I DON'T like this?

WHAT influenced me to develop this skill I hate?

WHY should I work on this WHEN I wanted to pursue a different vocation???

In the world of competitive sports WHERE one has to invest enormous time and effort, NOT to mention sacrifices, it's just a NO-NO for you to be aspiring to be part of the next NBA annual draft pool WHEN all you wanted was to harness your skills as a woodpusher WHO can be the next Magnus Carlsen?  OR you might end up in physical sports WHEN your passion's very core was eSports and no more than that???

SO HOW?  Frankly, this all boils down to plotting one's direction in life.  Regardless WHETHER you are in your 30s, 40s OR fresh from graduating from the university, OR just retired, trying to figure out your new direction in life can be tough.  This is also relevant if you are living a life you're NOT satisfied with and hope to change your life's direction.  This reminds me of two words that keeps ringing in my ears:  TAKE ACTION💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  NOW, WHAT ails some of us that stops us from taking action?  Yes, it is spelled F-E-A-R.  WHEN we're scared of messing up, scared of things NOT working out, OR scared of realizing that WHAT they thought was the 'right direction' ISN'T after all.  BTW, taking action DOESN'T mean you will get committed to that path forever.  NO Senor.  You can change your mind if it DOESN'T work out and that's great.  Bottomline is, you must be damn sure that you are still PLAYING THE SAME SPORT you really want to, in terms of desire and pursuit❗❗❗

Yes, We Need Our VULNERABILITY Too

 

Many of us [and I'm many times guilty of it in the past] fear and/or loathe VULNERABILITY.  I would openly admit that I both feared and loathed VULNERABILITY countless times in the past, [wrongly] thinking that it was my nemesis.  Lo and behold, after repeating the same mistaken loatheness many times in the past, I was shocked with my own self WHEN I did a 180-degree turn, NOT only to look favorably at my own VULNERABILITY but to embrace it unconditionally as I recognized my ANCHORS IN LIFE in those moments📗📙📘

BUT for now, please lend me your ears.  DIDN'T you gain so much during your VULNERABILITIES?  Especially WHEN you recognized your ANCHORS IN LIFE?  Sadly, the vicious cycle of life brings us to the top of the world, WHEN we have all the material things, all the successes, name it, leading us at times 'intoxicated' [figuratively IF NOT literally] for all those blessings heaped upon us.  NOT until we stumble and fall flat on our face, then we realized our VULNERABILITY until at some point, our yet incognito ANCHOR IN LIFE comes to literally rescue us.  Sounds like a corny stereo-type kind of script BUT let's admit it, this sort of corny narrative is most common to hear💧💧💧

Let's recall those times after we went over a hump, hurdling a challenge. WHAT would we hear often?  I REALLY APPRECIATE THE SUPPORT.  Yes, most of the time, people just want to feel heard and understood [and NOT bombarded with fixes and fault-finding].  Offering genuine emotional support and truly listening and respecting boundaries, and guarding someone's trust AS IF it were his own are WHAT make people realize that they found their ANCHOR IN LIFE💚💛💜

Allow me to ask this sensitive question:  Does VULNERABILITY improve our relationships?  I think so.  SO HOW?  WHEN we're vulnerable, DIDN'T we find our hitherto unknown greater strengths?  OR improved self-acceptance? All leading towards reinforcing relationships?  As VULNERABILITY is a state of emotional exposure that comes with a degree of uncertainty, it behooves that we learn HOW to be VULNERABLE that comes along with our willingness to accept the emotional risk that comes from being open and willing to love and be loved.  And WHILE VULNERABILITY is a very common fear, once we understand that central emotional challenge, experts opine that we can develop a deeper appreciation WHY VULNERABILITY is worth the effort💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  Let's NOT debate on this, that our VULNERABILITY allows us to foster deeper relationships and even greater acceptance BUT again, let's temper expectations by admitting that it's always easy.  My personal sharing here is that it was a tough grind spanning rough patches of the long roads as it entails our own selves to talk and admit our own mistakes, being honest with our needs and most importantly, being remorseful and committed to turn a NEW LEAF come NEXT DAY.  Otherwise, NOT to scare you dude, knock on wood, you might end up in that scary VULNERABILITY LOOP.  Oh No😡😡😡