'LET IT BE' In Life!

 

Nope sirrrrs, I'm NOT trying to relive and reminisce the Beatles' all-time hit LET IT BE.   HOW often do we want to control OR at least influence things?  Surely, that happens many times everday, whether it's at your home, your business OR even @workplace.  I'll be the first one to admit that although I am NO control-freak, many times I wish to had at least an influence on either/and or its progress.  BUT sometime in the past, I thought I've spent the better part of my life trying to get things in control [WHEN I CAN'T, ouch!].  BUT NOT to be defensive, many times, our tendency to control things emanates from something much deeper.  LIKE WHEN I was a kid, I want to play more and enjoy things.  LIKE WHEN I was in high school, I was looking forward to college.  LIKE WHEN I graduated, I wanted a plum job no less💧💧💧

And even for the most diehard fans of The Beatles, my frank question is, do OR did they really take the lyrics seriously, by heart?  Maybe yes for some BUT I doubt even among the plurality.  And I was guilty of this in the past as well.  LIKE WHEN I just CAN'T accept the fact WHEN I failed.  LIKE WHEN I blamed myself WHEN I didn't hurdle a job interview for a juicy corporate role I dreamt💚💛💜

LIKE WHEN you left no stone unturned in wooing the girl of your dreams and YET you were spurned again and again.  WHY CAN'T we LET THAT BE IT?  LIKE WHEN we're finally in a relationship but after perennial arguments that worsened as full-blown wars, WHEN your partner walks away, WHY CAN'T we LET THAT BE IT???

LIKE WHEN here you are, an aspiring and budding entrepreneur BUT your business ventures flops upside down, pushing your financials to the lowest point?  WILL you find another investor OR source out another loan WHEN all the results point that your strategy and execution just DOESN'T and DIDN'T fit to a 'T'.  WHY CAN'T you LET IT BE then❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  This may sound poetic BUT WHY CAN'T we LET LIFE FLOW akin to the waters finding its way from the mountains down to the springs, streams, creeks and rivers until it reaches the mouth towards the open seas?  And our stumbling blocks to LET THINGS BE?  That sense of entitlement WHICH makes us believe that something is ours, WHATEVER it takes.  WHY force ourselves on something we have proven that it just CAN'T be ours dude😡😡😡

I'll Tag This As 'LABYRINTHs Of LIFE'

 

Even as I grabbed this poster, allow me to tweak it as the LABYRINTHs OF LIFE.  WHY?  Because, as defined by Mr Webster and AI, it is a "complicated irregular network of passages" BUT I think life CAN'T be as simple as that.  We all live a life with multiple LABYRINTHs, so complicated to end up with networks of convoluted and entangled LABYRINTHs often leading us to a worst bedlam we least expect!@#$%?

And when do we find ourselves stucked OR stalled in those LABYRINTHs?  Many times we're right in the midst of it especially WHEN things are triggered by the ironies in life.  LIKE WHEN we stumble across quite nosey and probing folks WHO ironically will be the first to 'cry wolf' if your body language will be suspected as over-stretching your curiosity by prying across the fence?  LIKE WHEN you bear witness to an over-bearing person WHOSE presence pushes everyone to the background only to find out he is no less a hollowed version💥💥💥

As this poster goes, LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL.  Not until a monkey wrench gets thrown upon you.  WHAT happens next may not be far different from bedlam.  YES, those ironies in life lead us to more LABYRINTHs than ever.  LIKE you thought someone so articulate is the right voice to heed and follow only to realize that that was no less than a hollowed spiel and worst, disinformation.  LIKE you thought someone is a legitimate authority weilding the credibility you thought as 'legit' enough❎❎❎

BTW, irony is no mere figure of speech.  It is a reality we bear witness almost on a day-to-day basis.  NOT to downplay the normal 'good faith' of being noisy and even sometimes over-bearing BUT from my vantage point, generally, WHEN we do engage and interact with the 'noisy' folks, we may have to be more discerning and accepting hook, line and sinker may NOT be appropriate at all.  Please DON'T get me wrong as there will be outliers, those folks WHO by their nature are 'noisy' enough BUT at times, even the most braggadocious can be a legitimate one.  Just need to be more discerning😒😒😒

Our takeaway:  Verily true, many of us are truly blessed to have the well--meaning friends, folks WHO you can seek refuge in times of turmoil BUT without encouraging you to be cynical, it still pays to be judicious enough especially if you happen to be associated with 'fair weather friends' because WHEN bad weather hits you, you may find yourself alone and forlorn.  Dude, let us sharpen our awareness and consciousness with all these LABYRINTHs OF LIFE😡😡😡

When It's Worth To 'ROLL THE DICE'

 

Peaks and valleys, the UPs and DOWNs, they all come and go in life.  So, WHEN IS IT WORTH TO ROLL THE DICE? Good question with no single correct answer to it.  We could end up running an iteration because of those multiple WHAT IFs in life.  With so many moving parts in the equation of life, it could be mind-boggling no less because WHETHER you ROLL THE DICE as early as possible OR after a quarter of the way OR midway OR towards the final quarter of your journey, you need to factor-in one too many variables.  Having said this, we can simplify this huddle without over-simplifying it lest we end up in a self-inflicted trap👎👎👎

BTW, let's take things literally for now if we're using the dice as an example.  Assuming we have a standard six-sided dice, the odds of rolling a particular value are 1/6 and there is that equal probability of rolling each of the numbers 1 to 6.  BUT WHAT IF we have 2 dices?  the odds are NOT as simple as it seems.  Swinging back to our life, do we say that life has 6 dimensions and that's all?  NO WAY JOSE.  Much as things are finite enough, our life has many more sides and dimensions than any of those dices rolling out💥💥💥

Back to the question:  WHEN DO WE ROLL THE DICE?  The long and short of it is that, generally, it becomes one's judgment call.  WHEN you are driver steering the wheel from the time you ignited and started your journey, generally you would have a good feel as to WHEN will you go full throttle.  And if there is a hump down the road, that's WHEN you go back to the drawing board and do an apples-to-apples comparison of ALL your options!!!

I did bear witness multiple times WHEN people did ROLL THE DICE and the end result was showing that they did a fumbling act?  WHY and HOW?  You might wonder, you thought it all hinges on one's judgment call?  YES and YES dude, it still on one's judgment call BUT one's judgment call must NOT stand on sands OR worst, on shaky grounds.  One has to come up and reach an informed decision for the best timing to ROLL THE DICE.  The thing is, DON'T ROLL THE DICE as if you're in one of those gaming tables at the Las Vegas strip❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  WHILE I am no expert in counselling, these are the very tenets I have embraced all throughout my decision-making phases in life:

• DON'T ROLL THE DICE out of pressure
• DON'T ROLL THE DICE with a gambling mindset
• DON'T ROLL THE DICE because you're keen on it
• DON'T ROLL THE DICE because you've got to do it
• DON'T ROLL THE DICE NOT as an informed decision
• DON'T ROLL THE DICE because you want to take a risk

Bottomline, ROLLING THE DICE doesn't mean you've to play the high-roller's game😡😡😡

That Massive Chasm Between WANTING & CAPABILITY

 

Everyone has his overflowing and sometimes endless WANTS, right? And that desire is nothing to snide because everyone has his rights, right?  You might wonder then, WHERE'S THE BEEF here?  YES, it's that massive chasm between our WANTs vis-a-vis our CAPABILITIES.  And I guess this is way beyond any debate OR argument because every adult needs certain CAPABILITIES to get and keep a job, to provide responsive care for one's family, managing one's household and contributing productively.  You might wonder, WHAT happens WHEN those needed CAPABILITIES are not honed or acquired?  YES, we've got to pay the price for such shortfalls.  BUT let's NOT get embroiled with zillions of CAPABILITIES because that's one too many to handle.  Instead, let's zero-in on the very LIFE SKILLs because these are the very factors that may make OR break us💥💥💥

BUT before some of us get scared, LIFE SKILLS is NO rocket science.  Any skill that is useful in life can be considered a LIFE SKILL, and that's a CAPABILITY.  Broadly speaking, our LIFE SKILLS capability is usually unique  amongst us all because each of us have our own list of SKILLS we consider as most essential in our life.  Someone living in a remote rural community might put driving a car high on their list of essential skills while a New Yorker OR Londoner would probably rank that pretty low.  WHY DON'T we dice and drill!!!

Broadly speaking, our CAPABILITIES should never just gloss over these key areas:

• Decision-making & problem-solving SKILLS
• Creative thinking & critical thinking SKILLS
• Communication & interpersonal SKILLS
• Self-awareness & empathy
• Assertiveness & equanimity
• Resilience Resilience Resilience

It's very true that domain areas require those specialist SKILLs that become the very core of our CAPABILITIES but those are specialist SKILLs whereas these 6 MUST-HAVEs were the result of a combined research by the United Nations agencies namely WHO, UNICEF and UNESCO.  And this list should be the least of our surprises because these are generalist SKILLS everyone recognizes as important and the same ones that many people pursue even with life coaches😐😐😐

Our takeaway:  Much as we recognize that it is those specialist skills that seemingly catapult us to the peak and zenith of our successes in life, let us NOT downplay the value and criticality of those generalist skills because as they form the very core of our foundational layers, we can aptly claim that you will be hard pressed to scale up many notches unless and until you have these very core CAPABILITIES.  Ignore the core CAPABILITIES and the likelihood is you could probably suffer not just isolated cases of shortfalls BUT likely more than less.  WHY?  It all boils down to this massive chasm between our WANTING vis-a-vis our CAPABILITIES.  Take your pick dude!!!

When Do We 'FLIP THE NARRATIVE'?

 

NARRATIVEs.  So, WHEN DO WE FLIP IT? BTW, as a baseline, can we agree that we all live now in a world awash with 'FAKE NEWS'?  On the other hand, some sources have been quite smart as to coin 'ALTERNATIVE FACTS' without misleading OR even masking the truth.  YES, verily true, the stories we tell ourselves do matter, really.  They make a difference in HOW we think about WHO we are and the way we even structure our lives.  YES, they do affect the paths we blaze and those we follow.  Our stories inform every sigh and every tear and that can keep us afloat down the road💚💛💜

True, those stories about us are so fundamental to WHO we are, are based upon just some of the facts from our complex lives.  YES, we are our very stories, no doubt.  BUT here's the catch.  We are much more than that too.  BUT how often do we miss out those fleeting opportunities to FLIP THE NARRATIVE?  We tend to hold fast to facts that are absolutely true and at times, we tend to weave these truths into a story that is somehow less than true, ouch💥💥💥

Along the way, everyone of us at some points in life do get broken, at times falling flat on our face.  BUT we are more than just that too.  At times, the narratives we tell ignore HOW brave we've been OR how resourceful, HOW funny OR HOW wise.  And at times, our stories neglect the healing and growth that is possible and that we continue to be just breathing❌❌❌

Surely, most of us did hit those lowest points in life.  And likely, that's WHAT triggered you to FLIP THE NARRATIVE.  BUT hold on.  Do you really need to wait to hit that lowest point for you to FLIP THE NARRATIVE?  The common reason [a.k.a. alibi] I would hear is that that was trigger point.  Seriously?  WHY did we have to wait to hit the lowest point so that the trigger will cause you to FLIP THE NARRATIVE???  You might ask, WHAT's the hard lesson that we should be picking up?  Plain and simple.  DON'T wait to hit the lowest point for you to FLIP YOUR NARRATIVE❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  WHILE I will never claim to give expert advice [because I can be as novice as you are as a professional coach], I did learn my lessons the hard way in the past.  So WHAT's our FIX?  In your life journey towards achieving your pre-set goal, establish thresholds because that becomes your trigger point.  Clear example here, if I have a goal to achieve in 12 months, rightfully, sometime around 6 months down the road, at the very least, I should have progressed roughly 50% [OR even more] BUT if midway in your ballgame, you've progressed to only around a paltry 20-30%, that's the threshold that should be the trigger point for you to FLIP THE NARRATIVE.  Think about it dude, where possible, avoid getting into that TOO LITTLE TOO LATE conundrum😡😡😡

That 'COMPARISON TRAP'

 

One too many TRAPS in this world indeed BUT way before Google Chrome's INCOGNITO function was even conceptualized, that COMPARISON TRAP has been running in INCOGNITO mode for the longest time now.  And if you're as innocent as the new-born infant to ask if there are COMPARISON platforms?  DON'T look farther than social media.  OR if you want to travel back in time WHEN there was NO internet, we can reminisce those times WHEN we would hear from our parents and mentors that we should be LIKE THIS and LIKE THAT because he/she is a successful scientist, doctor OR an outstanding professional reaping so many laurels in his field💚💛💜

Swinging back to social media, we can find profiles so damn impressive of folks appearing to lead a charmed life, an executive at work and WHEN on a holiday in Europe, taking pictures in the most popular tourist spots!  Oh YES, even for people up close with someone, that person might also have a family of good and great standing up front.  BUT HOW can we be so sure that that person internal view of life is much darker.  WHAT IF that person is perenially obsessed and so locked in with that COMPARISON TRAP???

YES, that's the inevitable TRAP we will end up.  Try maintaining that highly visible profile in social media and then, your other FB 'friend' starts posting more impressing globe-trotting updates.  Then that leads you to feeling so down, so obscured, so 'nothing' all because your FB "friend's" posts are garnering tons of comments and HIGH FIVEs.  WHERE does that drive you to?  IF you end up COMPARING yourself with your FB friend on the basis of MORE likes, MORE comments, MORE followers, you're doomed stalled dude💥💥💥

YES, undoubtedly, those COMPARISON TRAPS will drive oneself's ambivalence about LIFE's choices, LIFE's decisions, LIFE's outcomes.  BUT does that make sense?  WHICH reminds me of a quite controversial research WHICH loudly 'proclaims' that measuring oneself against others is akin to a 'modus operandi' of our human mind [although in some way, it could be somehow helpful].  True, the inspiration we may feel about someone else's achievements can rev up our own self-motivation BUT that's about all❌❌❌

Our takeaway:  Awhile back WHILE scribbling this blog today, I overheard my wife's smartphone playing out louda priest's sharing questioning WHY do we need to COMPARE yesterday with today? WHY CAN'T we be thankful that we're very much alive, health and kicking today?  Then enjoy every tick of the clock, even smelling the flowers, appreciating the aroma of your daily morning coffee?  Think about it, there are more DOWNSIDEs than UPSIDEs to that COMPARISON TRAP.  Can we just cut and cut clean from that COMPARISON TRAP dude😡😡😡

Does Mental Toughness Matter?

 

Before I get flagged down for infringement into I.P. rights, allow me to acknowledge grabbing this photo from Linkedin [3 Mental Toughness Myths and Much More].  BUT other than this photo, our contents for today's thread is mine no less.  And rather than re-do things, allow me to quote AI's definition of MENTAL TOUGHNESS as the ability to stay resilient focused and confident WHILE persistently pursuing goals despite challenges, pressures and setbacks!!!

Indeed, mental toughness may seem so limited to our mental aspect but across all disciplines, experts are one in categorically stating that MENTAL TOUGHNESS is just too all-encompassing because it combines resilience, emotional control and even adaptability to thrive even in the worst ever challenges we may face💥💥💥

For alignment, MENTAL TOUGHNESS comes in multifarious forms and shapes.  So, WHILE there is no singular definition as to WHAT it means, it should be comfortably safe to link MENTAL TOUGHNESS as an extension of our resilience.  As such, MENTAL TOUGHNESS encompasses cognitive, emotional and even behavioral skills that enable individuals, couples and groups to endure adversity WHILE adapting and growing from within💚💛💜

Let's dice and drill being MENTALLY STRONG versus MENTAL TOUGHNESS.  True, a strong-minded individual can be unyielding OR fixed in their outlook.  On the other hand, WHEN someone is mentally strong and adopts that strong mindset, they are confident in WHO they are and their abilities, adopting that growth mindset that would support us rather than fixating on obstacles along the way😡😡😡

Our takeaway:  Through the years, I've witnessed first hand people WHO had all the resources in life, folks WHO were kind of 'positioned at the runway, ready to takeoff' BUT aborting the takeoff that was next in line, all because that MENTAL TOUGHNESS suddenly softened, suddenly weakened in the face of surging challenges.  WHAT this tells us is that even WHEN we're about in that 'TAKEOFF' mode at the runway, that does NOT guarantee that your TAKEOFF won't get aborted for reasons becayuse your MENTAL TOUGHNESS suffered an impactful hit.  Our FIX?  Reinforce  your inner strength to further strengthen your MENTAL TOUGHNESS.  No other way dude👆👆👆

Struggling Getting Things Done?

 

Struggling with GETTING THINGS DONE?  No worries, you're NOT alone in that predicament.  In fact, generic surveys tell us that generally, 67% are NOT done [completely] within the timeline required.  That could be household chores OR even your deliverables at work.  That is the long and short symtom [and I want to tag it as the domino effect triggering all the unwanted pressures in our pacing WHETHER it's at home, in business OR at work.  Obviously, household pressures are NOTHING, right💚💛💜

So, is this worth our talking point today?  Absolutely dude!  Time as a resource is finite.  Obviously, our human efforts look like infinite like that bottomless jug of tea at Friday's.  BTW, it is NOT uncommon if from time to time, you're getting hit with that GTD [Getting Things Done] dilemma.  BUT looking back, I realized that more often than NOT, it seemed [and it still seems] that there is always something more important OR there's a deadline to be met.  And for the longest time I was @workplace, knowing the heights of productivity, admittedly I was constantly under pressure to 'deliver the goods' BUT the mother of all shockers here is that a few times, I simply gave up from pressures constantly building up until it simmered😖😖😖

After all my nerve-wracking soul-searching questioning myself when I was struggling GETTING THINGS DONE, I realized that doing a complete brain dump was a major breakthrough by itself as I started to write down every single thing either I am doing OR planning to do [and that includes a lot more I am still contemplating and thinking].  YES, it took me a long way to work things out BUT I did find the way to wiggle out💥💥💥

@workplace WHEN I was at the entry-level, WHEN I learnt about the difference between projects and next actions, I realized that I have been screwing myself over with a tons of undoable tasks.  YES, procrastination loves a fuzzily defined large task [WHICH we fail to break down a.k.a. Work Breakdown Structure [WBS]].  Once you miss that WBS, those big ticket items become procrastination magnets.  YES, GETTING THINGS DONE taught me that if a thing takes more than one step to complete, then it's akin to a project😡😡😡

Our takeaway: You might be curious HOW I ended up [after overcoming those GETTING THINGS DONE predicaments]?  Firstly, I'll admit that I felt I went through that evaporation of stress, even that kind of stress I never knew I had.  Eventually, WHEN I was back on-track, I realized that once I could trust the system, I could relax knowing that everything was in it.  WHAT I was doing by then was the right thing to do and everything else WASN'T being forgotten OR ignore.  That load was gone. YES you can hurdle GETTING THINGS DONE!!!

No Pain, No Gain [Again?]

 

NO PAIN, NO GAIN is an age-old BUT popular rah-rah motto cum slogan through the years and admittedly I have embraced that unconditionally.  On the other hand, hearing skeptics, there's a saying that whoever said NO PAIN, NO GAIN never had chronic pain@#$%^? And that's WHEN I beg to defer although up front, I fully and whole-heartedly agreed with that quote.  YES, we do all understand the meaning of this quote BUT there's more to this though💧💧💧

The long and short of it, some quarters still insist that NO PAIN, NO GAIN is a myth?  In general terms, do we really need to push ourselves to some level of discomfort in order for us to get those gains we want to achieve?  Drawing its parallelism to our daily life, there's a huge throng of believers that for us to achieve the fruits of that NO PAIN, NO GAIN motto, it does make sense that we need to push past that point of discomfort.  NOT until we have breached it, we can never tear down the purported benefits of continually pushing for that NO PAIN, NO GAIN 'marching song' because it does make sense💥💥💥

Looking at the harsh realities of life, through the years, breaking news after breaking news, we would hear that recurring news about rampant human trafficking, with many of the victims ending OR are just so desperate to land in Europe, WHATEVER it takes.  And WHILE those hapless victims are indeed suffering and enduring all the harshness in those illegitimate routes WHICH they obliged to be a part of, we'll fall back on the dictum that THE END DOES NOT JUSTIFY THE MEANS.  Much as we dream of having and living better lives, it should be aligned with the spirit and intent of NO PAIN, NO GAIN itself.  Otherwise, those breaking news of hapless victims will never slacken off if we continue to shun off that PAIN we got to endure for us to achieve the GAIN we want💚💛💜

WHAT happens if we refuse to embrace NO PAIN, NO GAIN?  Not to sound like those Armaggedon scripts BUT frankly, anyone WHO dreams and still insists to be on that easy, fast and swift lane, there will always be that probability that he may end up off-track because experience tells us that the roads ahead are NOT paved in concrete, NOT AT ALL😡😡😡

Our takeaway:  WHILE in the world of fitness, health and competitive sports, NO PAIN, NO GAIN is a given, in our day-to-day life, we just got to have this embedded deeply within us because more than just being a needle-mover, this could be a game-changer as we traverse the milestones in our life.  One can a scion of the 'rich and famous' BUT that truly blessed fellow is and WON'T be guaranteed to have a 'WALK IN THE PARK' because he's got to earn his spurs and sweat it out to achieve the GAINs he likely deserves dude!!!

That Constant Need To Be Better

 

Oh Oh, that CONSTANT NEED TO BE BETTER.  Supposedly, there's nothing wrong with it, right?  WHICH reminds me of this unknown quote:  ENOUGH IS A DECISION, NOT A CONDITION.  Looking back, I now realized that for a huge fraction in my past, my definition of being 'BEST" was often a moving target.  And many times more, even in the middle of my pursuits, I kept moving my goal post.  WHICH meant I was constantly pouring it out, giving it all until I was sort of 'empty' and down the road, finding more to give [UNTIL I got emptied AS IN empty].  WHICH meant equating outcomes with worth and if the end results did NOT meet my own expectations, those efforts DIDN'T count, ouch💢💢💢

BUT if I had any [hard] realization along the way, it is the undeniable fact that "MY BEST" was constantly changing, very much fluid literally almost every day.  Admittedly, there were days WHEN my BEST was all over productivity.  Then, there were days WHEN my creativity seemed to surface.  Oh yes, other days, it would be showing up tired and still trying.  And sometimes, YES it's showing up BUT without me realizing it, my energy level was going down down the drain.  And YES, at times, my BEST seems to be at it's "OFF DAY", choosing NOT to push!@#$%?

YES YES yow, to state the NOT so obvious stuff here, doing our BEST ISN'T about checking and ticking all the boxes.  Instead, I realized [in the midst of my own internal bedlam] is that it's all about showing up even WHEN the outcome ISN'T perfect enough OR even if it does NOT approximate your own expectations. At some point, I thought I had to right the wrongs and even tweak the right ones.  Then, one day, I started to summon myself, looking for evidences of my effort and NOT the perfection I used to be so obsessed with.  And me thinks, this quandary does happen to many of us and it's NOT a despicable situation to have BUT the most important thing is for us to RIGHT THE WRONGS💧💧💧

And I recall, one huge miss I was guilty many times in the past was measuring my performance [and obviously, if and when I fail to reach the mark, that becomes my 'down' moments.  Down the road, I realized that I should be measuring my progress [and BTW, even my non-progress].  And WHEN I did dig deeper into my limited arsenal, I realized that I should be practicing gratitude instead of being overwhelmed with that guilt feeling that keeps haunting me back.  And WHEN my mind replays those regrets, I would pause and thank myself for at least giving it a shot.  YES dude, gratitude and guilt CAN'T just share the same breath and choosing gratitude quiets that noise❌❌❌

Our takeaway:  All throughout, two simple words kept resonating within myself over and over again and that's CHOOSING ENOUGH.  True, man's desires are unsatiable BUT should we translate that being unsatiable everyday in our lives, we will remain locked and cornered in that vicious cycle of struggles and frustrations all rolled into one.  True, even as we speak now, there are days WHEN I get drawn back to my bad habits of being better, being better off than it was yesterday OR worse, even unduly comparing with others [WHICH is a big NO-NO because no two people can be compared apples-to-apples].  YES dude, one day [sooner than later], we hope to be on the same page that that CONSTANT NEED TO BE BETTER mindset should be cut and cut clean, with NO strings and straws left to cling😡😡😡