ANGER Is Like COAL

 

Here's a giveaway and bonus question.  WHO's our common #1 nemesis in life?  Our meddling neighbor?  NOPE!  Our cranky elder who refuses hospice care?  NOPE!  Our monster boss?  NOPE!  Our toughest customer BUT WHO we CAN'T drive away because he's our customer?  NOPE!  Here it is.  ANGER is our common nemesis in life.  It cuts across ages, cultures and all societal barriers.  When ANGER erupts, it's ten times worse than the anger of either Italy's Mount Vesuvius or Indonesia Mount Dukono.   ANGER IS LIKE COAL.  It will burn the hands itself.  And before you know it, we're done, we're burned, we're toast😡😡😡

YES, ANGER can us make feel as though we're at the very mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion we can never run counter.  WHETHER it starts as a fleeting annoyance that eventually worsens into a full-blown rage, ANGER is a completely normal and usually healthy human emotion.  BUT here's the catch, dude.  WHEN it get's out of control and turns destructive, that's it☝☝☝

Worst of worse things, ANGER can lead us to that path towards problems, be it at our home, at work, at our business operations OR even amongst one's colleagues or friends.  Taking a leaf from the experts, they advise that the three main approaches with ANGER are as follows:

• EXPRESSING
• SUPPRESSING
• And...... CALMING

YES, the instinctive and natural way to express ANGER is to respond aggressively!!!

Without being defensive, experts opine that ANGER is our natural and adaptive response to threats as it inspires that powerful and often aggressive feelings and those manifested behaviors that sometimes become uncontrollable, allowing us to fight off and defend ourselves WHEN we feel attacked OR even at least offended.  A certain amount of ANGER is necessary for our survival, at least within WHAT is reasonable until things become unreasonable💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  WHICHEVER path things will evolve WHEN ANGER is at the very core of things, this is WHERE ANGER management is worth considering WHERE the modest goal is to reduce both one's emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that ANGER causes.  YES, we CAN'T get rid of OR avoid the things OR those people WHO tend to enrage us NOR can we change them BUT we can learn to CONTROL OUR EMOTIONS BEFORE OUR EMOTIONS WILL CONTROL US.  YES dude, ANGER IS LIKE COAL, it will eventually burn your hand until you're toast😡😡😡

Stifling Ideas?

 

STIFLING IDEAS?  Better NOT!  YES, at times, blame it on societal factors.  NOT to downplay the impact of socialist regimes BUT obviously, it's the least surprising to hear if ideas are NOT STIFLED there.  Otherwise, indeed, there are multiple factors that feed into this that it would be hard to pin them all down but a few factors do stand out.  Numero uno is selfishness.  We humans have that innate level of selfishness baked deep within us!!!

Eleanor Roosevelt, the revered U.S. First Lady of the 19th century said:  GREAT MINDS DISCUSS IDEAS.  AVERAGE MINDS DISCUSS EVENTS.  SMALL MINDS DISCUSS PEOPLE. Whooooooooa!@#$%?  Let's get back to our smartphones now and 99% of the time, WHAT do we stumble across?  IDEAS?  NO!  EVENTS?  Hardly!  PEOPLE, YES SI JA SHI-DE OO!@#$%?  We would relish and enjoy more talking about people people people and people, their lives, their flops, their failures, their outliers in life!@#$%?  WHY is that so?  Blame it on our very human frailties.  To many of us, IDEAS are nothing but ambiguous, vague and hollowed words, period!@#$%?

Do we need to be creative?  NOT necessarily BUT I firmly believe, as always, that the best things in life start with an IDEA that evolves in a similar way that the seed, WHEN planted, germinates BUT with NO guarantees that that seed will indeed grow.  Back to our lives, STIFLING IDEAS start right at our very homes.  BUT it's understandable WHEN we were young and little, anything we would blurt out is ignored [99% of the time] by adults BUT that was ages, long ago dude😄😄😄

Fast-forward to today, WHAT gives if we STIFLE IDEAS?  A lot, a lot dude!  Have we noticed, a huge chunk of organizations prize innovation more than anything else.  In my latest organization, we even set up an INNOVATION OFFICE.  And WHILE valuable ideas can emerge top-down, leaders cannot deny that the inputs from employees are essential as they're at the frontline💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  Let us NOT belittle even the rawest of the raw ideas at all.  A big chunk of them can end up in the dust bin BUT can we give IDEAS that fair chance to be validated and assessed?  It could happen at your home, your household, your workgroup or even your motley group of workers in your startup business.  Even if statistics show that the best and brightest IDEAS approximate less than 5% of all IDEAS, WHERE else can we pluck out that 5%.  It's either free, volunteered OR unsolicited.  Still STIFLING IDEAS?  Give it your serious consideration before you regret it, dude😡😡😡

That 'BIG CART IN FRONT OF THE HORSE' Is A No-No!

 

YES YES yow, this is stating the obvious, that we should NEVER PUT THE CART IN FRONT OF THE HORSE.  And we DON'T need to delve WHAT this means because this has been one of most talked topics anyways.  WHAT somehow reawakened me is my observation that at times, we just DON'T see the CART ON FRONT BUT at times, I did witness seeing a big huge CART right in front of the horse, whew💚💛💜

Although the conventional interpretation of putting the CART IN FRONT OF THE HORSE more often refers to executing things that are either NOT in sequence OR NOT being that prepared enough.  BUT WHAT bewilders me are those circumstances WHEN someone puts out in front of him NOT just a cart BUT a damn huge cart WHICH in the end may NOT be that realistically achievable😡😡😡

Frankly, there is NOTHING wrong for us to set our sights on grandiose and lofty goals in life BUT if we DON'T run our due diligence [like as follows]:

• Can you ascertain your capability beyond doubt?
• Can you anticipate NO major potential blockage[s]?
• Can you have a good level of confidence to achieve?
• Can you get unconditionally 'locked in' to achieve it?
• Can you revalidate your goals to be realistic

I've heard a few narratives with a shared commonality WHEREIN the persons concerned had very serious and focused goals.  The problem staring right on their faces is the fact that the goals they set were way too far to achieve, NOT because they were less determined, and NOT because they were NOT focused BUT simply because they DIDN'T have the means and capability to achieve it.  YES, that was frustrating to say the least.  Imagine ourselves dreaming to be a part of NASA team BUT we're so way off the mark to even have that respectable fighting chance to achieve it!!!

Our takeaway:  Much as there is NO cost to incur for us to aim for our 'dream goals' in life, first and foremost, we need to identify the roadblocks down the road.  By identifying those upcoming challenges, as early as possible, we can figure out our countermeasures and strategize our approach.  LIKE if you dream to put up a modest small-scale franchise-based business, do the math, run the numbers and know your shortfall.  By having a good feel of your potential shortfall, that gives you that breathing room to get prepared for the next stretch in your life journey.  Worst thing to happen is for our boat to get stuck in the middle of the waters WHEN that low tide catches up on you.  YES dude, THAT BIG CART IN FRONT OF THE HORSE IS A NO-NO, because it just WON'T work!@#$%?

When Things Are 'NEAR-PERFECT'

WHO wants to live 'NEAR-PERFECT'?  Mi, Moi, Mich.  WHO DOESN'T want it anyways?  When Things Are 'NEAR-PERFECT', of course life will continue to be like life itself.  Problems here and there.  Hiccups.  Mix-ups.  Blunders, if you may.  BUT alas, I'd humbly admit that I did had that rare privilege to live in a 'NEAR-PERFECT' place for over eight years.  'NEAR-PERFECT' from the perspective of living in a country WHERE you, as a tax-paying citizen, WON'T have any qualms even paying for more taxes because I was reaping the fruits as a naturalized citizen then📗📙📘

WHEN the state government is efficient with nary the slightest tinge of dishonesty OR corruption.  WHEN the government legislates laws that have the 'teeth' WHEN implemented.  WHEN even the most petty regulations CAN'T be given 'lip service', else you could be at the receiving end once they crack the whip for any breach.  WHEN the country's infrastructure is just way too efficient, you DON'T need to track the ETD's and ETA's of the metro trains.  WHEN NOT just your neighborhood BUT anywhere for that matter, [almost] everything is squeaky clean, giving you almost zero chances to trip on a broken pavement.  WHEN it's just too safe to move around anytime [even in the dead of the night] anywhere within the island-state💚💛💜

Quite funny BUT to keep this thread light, during those eight years I cherished, I just CAN'T recall finding even a corner WHERE to hide my face, if I was longing for obscurity.  WHERE else in the world WHERE all you need to put focus can be limited to your family, your health, your work, your own wellness.  OH, NOT to mention, there is practically no traffic gridlock to endure.  WHICH reminds me of the chronic traffic in various metropolitan cities like Jakarta, Mumbai, Mexico, Bangkok, just to name a few BUT I was truly blessed, for over eight years, I DIDN'T even need to buy my own car because there was NO need for it, because the transport system was way too efficient, NOT to mention that the government heavily regulated the procurement of cars to curb traffic woes😕😕😕

WHICH brings me to a realization that, regardless WHERE we live in now, let us look around all the UPSIDEs we're benefiting and take it from there.  True, we can highlight the DOWNSIDEs BUT WHAT does bring on to you?  Probably anxiety?  And more anxiety?  BUT is it worth it?  And do you deserve to endure those escalating anxieties?  Listening from the medical experts, our longevity hinges way beyond our food, our monies, our standing in society.  Instead, those 'unseen' forces like anxiety and incessant negativities can pul us down, deep into that morass❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  Much as 'NEAR-PERFECT' is most ideal, more often, you can reach that 'ideal state' light years down the road WHEREAS as you live your life now, WHAT matters most is living in the present, cherishing every minute of the present because WHEN the next day dawns, we will face a new set of opportunities a.k.a. challenges.  BTW, would you rather preempt the challenges of tomorrow instead of focusing on today's challenges?  YES dude, forget that 'NEAR-PERFECT' stuff because it can remain as such, one of those pipe dreams😡😡😡

What Separates The Men From The Boys?

 

What Separates The Men From The Boys?  Truth is, over the past years, masculinity has gotten a 'bad rap'.  We've been told THAT it's toxic, THAT it's dangerous, and THAT it is a vice more than a virtue.  Alas, somewhere along the way, some of us took the hint and decided to reject mature masculine virtues in favor of seemingly permanent adolescence.  Seriously?  As a result, we seem to have an entire generation of 'MEN' WHO are little more than teenagers running around in an adult's  body.  Perplexed?  Flummoxed?  Let's dissect this!!!

How's that?  HOW often do we witness some of us living at home, relying on our parents' income to support our own lifestyles, and opting for the life of that regular partier instead of living a life of contribution.  BUT before we get embroiled into semantics, can we agree and align that being a 'MAN' ISN'T determined by our age, our experiences, OR even accomplishments.  Instead, it's our choice.  WHICH reminds of this very old quote: "BEING MALE IS A MATTER OF BIRTH, BEING A MAN IS A MATTER OF AGE, BEING A GENTLEMAN IS A MATTER OF CHOICE".  Well said, right???

YES YES YOW, it's not even a talking point that at some point in our own lives, we've got to grow, leave behind our shortfalls arising from our 'rawness', for lack of a better adjective.  To call a spade a spade, let's start off with the most basic distinction between boys and grounded men WHEREIN boys act on feelings WHEREAS men act on vision.  To be blunt, boys are like a feather in the wind WHEREIN they allow their emotional state to govern their actions, and at times they decide in the heat of the moment❌❌❌

Let's revisit some real-life scenarios LIKE WHEN BOYS will hit snooze on the alarm instead of waking up and rising up to start the day.  Oh yes, BOYS tend to have a loose time management, showing up in meetings [even virtual Zoom and MS Teams calls] on time [WHICH means, they're late!].  Oh yes, WHO can argue that BOYS tend to procrastinate even at work, deferring a lot more task at a later time [and sometimes, failing to take action].  And HOW's that "HOW TO ADULT" 101???

Our takeaway:  Let's face it.  It DOESN'T matter if a MAN wants to eat another piece of cake OR smoke a cigarette OR even sleep for another 50 minutes, as long as he knows the vision that he has for his life and he's serious enough NOT to compromise his future success for pleasure in that current moment.  True, they are human just like you and me BUT REAL MEN know that their actions must be congruent with their vision most of time if they want to continue thriving in this world.  So, WHAT SEPARATES THE MEN FROM THE BOYS???

When NOT To Feel GUILTY?

 

Out of the over one million English words [including those 170,000 to 470,000 words compiled in both Oxford and Merriam Webster's dictionaries], I'm quite sure that one of the words least used OR referenced [except during legal proceedings] is the word 'GUILT' or 'GUILTY'.  So, finding this intriguing, I thought let's reserve today's thread space WHEN NOT to feel GUILTY?  NOT because we are suffering OR enduring any GUILT BUT we'd like to reference numerous situations WHEN in truth and in fact, you are NOT really GUILTY and yet, there you are, feeling various levels of GUILT.  For alignment, let's paste the standard definition of GUILT which refers to that emotion that involves feelings of remorse and self-judgment.  This way, we WON'T be led astray in dissecting it's multiple dimensions💚💛💜

WHAT's quite a cause of alarm here is that WHILE it can be a helpful emotion for personal growth, letting it linger way too long can take its toll on one's emotional health.  I myself [and surely everyone else] would admit that over the course through our lifetime, we have caused OR done something that we regret.  And even if that's the offshoot of our our own mistake[s], we would be hesitant to even make an excuse that that's the natural part of our natural growth.  After all, a mistake is a mistake and there's no way around it💥💥💥

YET, I myself, I have to admit it that in the past WHEN I was manifesting those GUILT feelings, I felt that GUILT creeping in and stakes out space in my own consciousness and admittedly, those moments did cause a hell lot of emotional and physical turmoil.  OH YES, I recall I know GUILT best as the nauseating twist in my stomach.  Perhaps, at times, we're also dealing with that recurring self-judgment and criticism related to our own memories of WHAT happened.  True, as an emotion, GUILT has that immense power.  And verily true, GUILT can help us acknowledge our actions and fuel our own motivation.  True, it might also lead us to fixate on WHAT we could have done differently.  And that's WHEN remorse and the accompanying GUILT feelings will creep in.  To quote experts, if we've never felt able to come clean about a mess-up, our GUILT might feel magnified to an almost unbearable degree😕😕😕

There is one countermeasure many have succumbed to, towards managing their GUILT and that's by ignoring it OR trying to push it away on the assumption that it will eventually dissipate in thin air.  Psychologists opine that that is NOT actually the case.  Like many of our multifarious emotions, unaddressed GUILT can indeed stick around, like an albatross around your neck, and as studies proved, eventually, things simply turned from bad to worse.  Worst of worst, for us to be refusing to acknowledge our GUILT might temporarily keep it from spilling into our everyday life BUT masking our emotions generally DOESN'T work as a surefire solution as truly addressing our GUILT requires us to first accept that GUILT, however unpleasant it may be😡😡😡

Our takeaway:  Much as we are harping now that we got to acknowledge and accept that GUILT feeling, let us be mindful that NOT all of our GUILT feelings are valid enough.  NOT WHEN say NO in good faith.  NOT WHEN you are incapable to help someone.  NOT WHEN you stand up for yourself.  NOT WHEN you manifest some of your imperfections [WHO's perfect in the first place?].  In a nutshell, there are multiple reasons for us NOT TO FEEL GUILTY dude!!!

Are We 'OVERLOADING' Our Brain?

 

Are We 'OVERLOADING' Our Brain?  Good question.  Despite the incessant proliferation of mobile apps and tools [both for personal and business], some of us [OR probably many of us?] would still end our days feeling either overwhelmed, overloaded and seemingly LIKE 'mentally spent'.  Problem is, many of us [and that does include moi] frequently [and wrongly] think that it's all because of OVERLOAD [either at work or stuff that keeps us thinking] BUT alas, researches managed to debunk and disprove that misconception💚💛💜

To my shocking surprise, researches proved that this all boils down to the way we use our brains.  To borrow the jargons from the experts, many of us heavily rely on one key region of our brain called PREFONTAL CORTEX [PFC], that region responsible for the high-order functions like focus, planning, even self-regulation and decision-making.  Sadly though, experts say that the PFC has its limitations💥💥💥

Apparently, our PFC region fatigues quite quickly,, struggles with overload and is highly sensitive to distraction and even stress.  Very bluntly, the experts declared that in most cases, we are NOT running out of time.  Instead, we're running out of 'cognitive bandwidth'.  BUT this is something we CAN'T be guilty of because according to the experts, this is NOT our 'personal failure' BUT instead a systemic 'design issue'.  Apparently, we've structured the way we work in a way that demands that 'nonstop' performance from a part of our brain NOT meant to run continuously❌❌❌

Problem is, the environments we live in now would, from time to time,nudge us toward distraction, fragmentation and even urgency [Does that sound familiar?  WHERE almost anything we decide to do seems urgent and rushed?]  BUT often unconsciously though.  And WHILE there have been some proponents of individual techniques like breathing OR even time-blocking, the experts would debunk again that myth that  willpower alone can indeed 'rewire' our system.  Instead, we are encouraged to go way beyond individual hacks and start redesigning the environments we live, LIKE those 'spaces' that drive our attention, our behavior and even our own collaboration😀😀😀

Our takeaway:  Taking a lift from the experts' advisories, they now tell us that the FINAL FIX for this issue ISN'T just putting more FOCUS or more GRIT but instead, it's learning to leverage the whole brain, including powerful BUT underutilized systems like that 'default mode network' [DMN] which supports integration, creativity and insight and that so called 'salience network' WHICH detects the relevance and even emotional nuance and helps distinguish WHAT feels urgent versus from WHAT is legitimately important.  The not so obvious upside highlighted by the experts is that WHEN we are engaged strategically, these systems will help us become even more innovative, more emotionally attuned and even be capable to make better decisions [even under pressure].  So, ARE WE OVERLOADING OUR BRAIN dude???

What's Your BATNA?

You and me may NOT be enforcement officers OR negotiators BUT nevertheless, we need to equip ourselves with our 'BATNA' [Best Alternative to a NEGOTIATED AGREEMENT].  Regardless, it makes sense that we need to equip ourselves with that 'BATNA' capability which is aptly defined as a negotiator's BEST ALTERNATIVE to a negotiated agreement, an ability that's very much part and parcel of dealmaking and negotiating techniques📗📙📘

WHILE one might argue that we SHOULDN'T waste time on this BATNA stuff because we are NOT law enforcement officers OR negotiators, let's admit it, regardless WHETHER you are a layman, a teacher, a student, OR anyone for that matter, from time to time you'll find him/herself in a 'negotiating' table [YES, that could be via an informal but very fleeting 'elevator pitch] BUT once you're right there, jumping from the frying pan straight into the fire, you're on your own.  And at times, like in driving, situations will arise randomly and you've got to make LITERALLY split-second decisions💥💥💥

From my own [limited] 'lighthouse' observation post, many of us [and I was one of them a few times in the past] WHO got stuck with the so called 'modus vivendi', a compromise agreement WHICH, often, blindsides us and makes us [wrongly] believe that that negotiated agreement is the best viable option to safeguard your own interests.  Sadly, sometimes, that's untrue❎❎❎

There's this human experience WHICH, I'm sure, almost everyone went through [maybe many more times than we could recall].  WHEN we are in dire straights, WHEN our back is against the wall, more often, there's only one thing prevailing within us and that's the foregone conclusion that you have a solitary goal and that is, to extricate yourself out of a challenging situation.  WHATEVER it takes, you will grab the first opportunity that will offer to extricate you out of that deep morass😡😡😡

Our takeaway:  UNLESS we're in a 'catch me if you can' situation, it behooves that we literally allocate time, NO matter HOW precious it may be, to 'dice and drill', scrutinize the possibly negotiated agreement at hand and BEFORE you affix your 'wet signature', you should have balanced things out multiple times UNTIL you're damn sure that negotiated agreement is the BEST CARD for you to pull out and play.  So, WHAT's YOUR BATNA dude???

Dwelling Way Too Long?

 

YES YES Yowwww, can we STOP DWELLING way too long?  True, our brain ISN'T that wired for happiness BUT surprisingly, experts tell us that gratitude can change all that.  Even as our brain naturally gets fixated on the negativities of life, they claim that gratitude can help retrain it to focus on the positivities instead.  BUT things get much more complicated WHEN even negativity bias makes sobriety harder by amplifying stress, self-doubt and even our cravings📗📙📘

I once attended a teambuilding event WHERE our resource speaker, one of the more famous life coaches I am honored to have sought for guidance in the past, once spoke that a simple gratitude practice can drastically change our life in just 10 weeks!@#$%?  Of course I kind of rolled up my eyes and I even assumed then that he was exaggerating [WHICH I did bear witness in him in the past]💦💦💦

Of course, I knew exactly HOW I would have responded a year prior to that teambuilding.  I would have still rolled up my eyes so hard such that they might have gotten stuck, ouch.  Given my Asian culture, from our childhood days, our parents always reminded us to be 'THANKFUL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE' and more importantly, 'NEVER BE UNGRATEFUL'.  In short, like it OR NOT, gratitude always felt like a 'forced cliche', something we were supposed to do and nothing less than that💚💛💜

Honestly, in the past, I always [wrongly] thought that gratitude seemed that 'overrated' because I remember those 'guilt feelings' I had to overcome WHEN some of my setbacks sent me into a downward spiral, think of that confluence of events of self-pity, frustration numbing it all with that bottle, seriously.  BUT alas, to my surprise, I met up front those past disruptions with something else and that was G-R-A-T-I-T-U-D-E💧💧💧

Our takeaway:  WHAT I can humbly share arising from my own past challenges, instead of fixating on WHAT was falling apart, I started to focus on WHAT was still holding me up, LIKE my boss at work WHO never lost confidence in me, LIKE my small coterie of friends WHO talked me through my options no matter WHAT.  Looking back, I could have easily spiraled into self-victimization, replaying myself through those loops.  BUT the point is, let's CUT & CUT CLEAN WHEN DWELLING WAY TOO LONG😗😗😗

WHAT IF Your Performance Is NOT Bad BUT Putrid?

 

WHAT IF your performance Is NOT BAD BUT PUTRID?  IF there is one thing so obvious anywhere in this global village, to the extent that we have unconsciously ignored it because it seems normal more than anything else, it is our human tendency to settle for mediocrity.  BTW, this is NOT unique to any culture, any calling OR any of the strata in society.  Even at work, people on the outside looking in have always [wrongly] mistaken that the most common problem of us managers is poor performance.  NO sirrrrrrrs.  It is mediocrity and NOT that lackluster performance OR that major boo-boo at work [because those are outliers].  I have to admit, though, that from a management standpoint, mediocre performance is insidious and YES, it's subtle📗📙📘

Admittedly, many times in the past, that gauntlet has been thrown back to us managers quite many times.  WHY?  Because UNTIL and UNLESS we resolve the issue of performances that may NOT be bad BUT putrid enough, that issue of mediocrity creeps endlessly until it kind of becomes like an infectious situation that keeps engulfing areas hitherto pristine and untainted.  YES, that seems to be the path of least resistance💥💥💥

Admittedly, for anyone of us WHO should be 'policing our ranks' WHEN those symptoms of mediocrity would creep in, it is all too easy for us to look the other way WHEN something is NOT a flop BUT far from great.  The not-so-raging debate is that performances of middling quality is NOT a recipe for a disaster BUT on the other hand, it CAN'T scale-up to the level of high excellence.  And sadly, they will end up falling into that quite murky gray area.  YES, you can get by with it [and that exactly is our problem, ouch]💚💛💜

BUT frankly, here's the thing.  WHO wants to court conflict?  Generally, the school of thought is, IF YOU CAN AVOID IT, then by all means, AVOID IT.  And in our management space, I have to admit that the path of least effort is simply to avoid it and you will end up NOT dealing with it.  BUT here's the catch though.  There is huge yet unseen downside to such avoidance.  By NOT addressing that mediocrity issue, effectively, we are tacitly accepting it, condoning, tolerating things.  Frankly though, once we make an issue of something, that could invite pushback, right???

Our takeaway:  WHILE there are paths we travel in life WHICH are safe enough, it helps if we challenge our own selves and ask if that is the best path and best performance we can churn out?  And WHAT IF YOUR PERFORMANCE IS NOT BAD BUT PUTRID???