What's Your BATNA?

You and me may NOT be enforcement officers OR negotiators BUT nevertheless, we need to equip ourselves with our 'BATNA' [Best Alternative to a NEGOTIATED AGREEMENT].  Regardless, it makes sense that we need to equip ourselves with that 'BATNA' capability which is aptly defined as a negotiator's BEST ALTERNATIVE to a negotiated agreement, an ability that's very much part and parcel of dealmaking and negotiating techniques📗📙📘

WHILE one might argue that we SHOULDN'T waste time on this BATNA stuff because we are NOT law enforcement officers OR negotiators, let's admit it, regardless WHETHER you are a layman, a teacher, a student, OR anyone for that matter, from time to time you'll find him/herself in a 'negotiating' table [YES, that could be via an informal but very fleeting 'elevator pitch] BUT once you're right there, jumping from the frying pan straight into the fire, you're on your own.  And at times, like in driving, situations will arise randomly and you've got to make LITERALLY split-second decisions💥💥💥

From my own [limited] 'lighthouse' observation post, many of us [and I was one of them a few times in the past] WHO got stuck with the so called 'modus vivendi', a compromise agreement WHICH, often, blindsides us and makes us [wrongly] believe that that negotiated agreement is the best viable option to safeguard your own interests.  Sadly, sometimes, that's untrue❎❎❎

There's this human experience WHICH, I'm sure, almost everyone went through [maybe many more times than we could recall].  WHEN we are in dire straights, WHEN our back is against the wall, more often, there's only one thing prevailing within us and that's the foregone conclusion that you have a solitary goal and that is, to extricate yourself out of a challenging situation.  WHATEVER it takes, you will grab the first opportunity that will offer to extricate you out of that deep morass😡😡😡

Our takeaway:  UNLESS we're in a 'catch me if you can' situation, it behooves that we literally allocate time, NO matter HOW precious it may be, to 'dice and drill', scrutinize the possibly negotiated agreement at hand and BEFORE you affix your 'wet signature', you should have balanced things out multiple times UNTIL you're damn sure that negotiated agreement is the BEST CARD for you to pull out and play.  So, WHAT's YOUR BATNA dude???

Dwelling Way Too Long?

 

YES YES Yowwww, can we STOP DWELLING way too long?  True, our brain ISN'T that wired for happiness BUT surprisingly, experts tell us that gratitude can change all that.  Even as our brain naturally gets fixated on the negativities of life, they claim that gratitude can help retrain it to focus on the positivities instead.  BUT things get much more complicated WHEN even negativity bias makes sobriety harder by amplifying stress, self-doubt and even our cravings📗📙📘

I once attended a teambuilding event WHERE our resource speaker, one of the more famous life coaches I am honored to have sought for guidance in the past, once spoke that a simple gratitude practice can drastically change our life in just 10 weeks!@#$%?  Of course I kind of rolled up my eyes and I even assumed then that he was exaggerating [WHICH I did bear witness in him in the past]💦💦💦

Of course, I knew exactly HOW I would have responded a year prior to that teambuilding.  I would have still rolled up my eyes so hard such that they might have gotten stuck, ouch.  Given my Asian culture, from our childhood days, our parents always reminded us to be 'THANKFUL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE' and more importantly, 'NEVER BE UNGRATEFUL'.  In short, like it OR NOT, gratitude always felt like a 'forced cliche', something we were supposed to do and nothing less than that💚💛💜

Honestly, in the past, I always [wrongly] thought that gratitude seemed that 'overrated' because I remember those 'guilt feelings' I had to overcome WHEN some of my setbacks sent me into a downward spiral, think of that confluence of events of self-pity, frustration numbing it all with that bottle, seriously.  BUT alas, to my surprise, I met up front those past disruptions with something else and that was G-R-A-T-I-T-U-D-E💧💧💧

Our takeaway:  WHAT I can humbly share arising from my own past challenges, instead of fixating on WHAT was falling apart, I started to focus on WHAT was still holding me up, LIKE my boss at work WHO never lost confidence in me, LIKE my small coterie of friends WHO talked me through my options no matter WHAT.  Looking back, I could have easily spiraled into self-victimization, replaying myself through those loops.  BUT the point is, let's CUT & CUT CLEAN WHEN DWELLING WAY TOO LONG😗😗😗

WHAT IF Your Performance Is NOT Bad BUT Putrid?

 

WHAT IF your performance Is NOT BAD BUT PUTRID?  IF there is one thing so obvious anywhere in this global village, to the extent that we have unconsciously ignored it because it seems normal more than anything else, it is our human tendency to settle for mediocrity.  BTW, this is NOT unique to any culture, any calling OR any of the strata in society.  Even at work, people on the outside looking in have always [wrongly] mistaken that the most common problem of us managers is poor performance.  NO sirrrrrrrs.  It is mediocrity and NOT that lackluster performance OR that major boo-boo at work [because those are outliers].  I have to admit, though, that from a management standpoint, mediocre performance is insidious and YES, it's subtle📗📙📘

Admittedly, many times in the past, that gauntlet has been thrown back to us managers quite many times.  WHY?  Because UNTIL and UNLESS we resolve the issue of performances that may NOT be bad BUT putrid enough, that issue of mediocrity creeps endlessly until it kind of becomes like an infectious situation that keeps engulfing areas hitherto pristine and untainted.  YES, that seems to be the path of least resistance💥💥💥

Admittedly, for anyone of us WHO should be 'policing our ranks' WHEN those symptoms of mediocrity would creep in, it is all too easy for us to look the other way WHEN something is NOT a flop BUT far from great.  The not-so-raging debate is that performances of middling quality is NOT a recipe for a disaster BUT on the other hand, it CAN'T scale-up to the level of high excellence.  And sadly, they will end up falling into that quite murky gray area.  YES, you can get by with it [and that exactly is our problem, ouch]💚💛💜

BUT frankly, here's the thing.  WHO wants to court conflict?  Generally, the school of thought is, IF YOU CAN AVOID IT, then by all means, AVOID IT.  And in our management space, I have to admit that the path of least effort is simply to avoid it and you will end up NOT dealing with it.  BUT here's the catch though.  There is huge yet unseen downside to such avoidance.  By NOT addressing that mediocrity issue, effectively, we are tacitly accepting it, condoning, tolerating things.  Frankly though, once we make an issue of something, that could invite pushback, right???

Our takeaway:  WHILE there are paths we travel in life WHICH are safe enough, it helps if we challenge our own selves and ask if that is the best path and best performance we can churn out?  And WHAT IF YOUR PERFORMANCE IS NOT BAD BUT PUTRID???

Why MOVING ON Is Indeed Damn Hard

 

Everytime we hear MOVING ON, instantly, almost everyone would construe that it is about relationship breakups.  Nope sirrrrrrrrrrrrs.  MOVING ON can be transitioning from one normal day-to-day situation to another.  LIKE transitioning @workplace.  LIKE MOVING ON to a new local community [where you seem to be LIKE a foreigner even in your own locality.  LIKE MOVING ON from a business/commercial setup with you managing a coterie of operations teams and suddenly, LIKE suddenly falling off from the skies, here you are, alone and forlorn, managing your downsized business all by yourself.  OH YES, MOVING ON can still be about the post-mortems after a relationship breakup.  Regardless, the key thing here is that MOVING ON is NOT and NEVER the 'end of the world', NOT AT ALL dude💚💛💜

BUT let's take a step back here.  WHY indeed is MOVING ON Damn Hard?  Nope, we DON'T need to burn the midnight oil to find an answer to my own question because in real life, transitions in life simply DON'T have timeframes and timelines in the first place.  For the toughest transitions, it could even linger for months and even donkey years.  And the hardest part just gets ten times harder WHEN our own emotions effectively take over our own selves, LIKE WHEN we're grieving for someone😌😌😌

NOW, let's face the music, WHATEVER kind of music gets played during those transitions, if at all.  Transitions and MOVING ON will definitely impact our daily lives BUT if there is a light at the end of the tunnel, YES dude, it's NOT an incoming train BUT the passage of time itself will help although it is NOT the panacea it is often made out to be.  For some people, time helps BUT are we aware of that 'MAGIC WORD'???

And that 'MAGIC WORD' is the CLOSURE itself.  So, WHEN is CLOSURE that tough?  LIKE WHEN the protagonists themselves are NOT aware as to WHAT caused things to end up that way.  LIKE WHEN the parties themselves keep ruminating WHAT WENT WRONG, and obviously that exacerbates things.  IF there is a frequent mix-up, some quarters [wrongly] think that CLOSURES are dependent on other people.  Especially in relationships, it is NOT uncommon to fantasize about the good times they had in the past💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  Regardless of the quandary one may face in those transitions in life, up front, I did bear witness to people WHO thought they suffered an 'identity loss' during a difficult transition.  And the experts counsel us that we will be hard pressed if we end up disconnected.  And while I heard others taking the scientific approach while others succumbed to the tarot card.  Either way, from my own travails, WHEN I had to cross the bridge, I took it as a 'no turning point' to motivate myself in MOVING ON😡😡😡

To Sink Or Swim?

 

In life, sometimes we find ourselves forced to swim WHEN we DON'T even want to.  And there are times WHEN the opportunity to decide WHETHER OR NOT we want to make the dive into waters that are either perilous OR NOT simply safe enough OR as easy as it used to be for us.  So, in life, how many times did we pass up those uncertain waters of some situations because we hesitated, all because we're afraid to SINK???

WHAT IF, instead, the opportunity allowed us to experience something much greater, even if it started out a little rough [as it is typical in long-drawn challenges]?  YES, allow me to share that a few times in the past, I did take a leap into unknown waters and it was NO mean feat.  And those were the years WHEN very few did dare to take the risk of flying out as a tourist and trying that long shot attempt to find an opportunity in an entirely foreign market💥💥💥

OH YES, I constantly embraced CARPE DIEM, that's seizing the day, even creating a long shot of an opportunity from nothing.  And WHILE that Latin phrase may seem somewhat trite, there's tons of reasons WHY ti has been popular [of course to those WHO embraced it].  Some tidbits of info, that Latin phrase originally came from a line from an ode of Horace, the famous poet and philosopher, "CARPE DIEM, QUAM MINIMUM CREDULA POSTERO" which literally meant "SEIZE THE DAY WHILE TRUSTING LITTLE WHAT TOMORROW MIGHT BRING".  And WHEN applying this phrase into our life, it's often a justification to do something wild, different and/or even exciting😗😗😗

It then somehow becomes the rationalization that that opportunity at hand may NOT come again [so, I'll gonna grab it now].  WHAT happens next?  people eat crazy delicacies, jump out of planes, travel to unexpected places, take the least travelled paths and more.  BUT WHAT IF this phrase motivated more than just our own personal exploration?  WHAT IF we approached our career with an attitude of seizing, taking and leveraging unexpected opportunities and moments that come up at our job?  Obviously, it is easier to let them pass you by BUT are you sure it's worth it letting it pass you by???

Our takeaway:  Taking a lookup through my years, many opportunities are more uncomfortable than ever.  And NOT to weaken the spine-less, it may be anxiety-inducing and sometimes feel like 'NOT THE RIGHT FIT", and sometimes I even murmured "NOT THE RIGHT TIME'.  YES we fear the unknown BUT often many opportunities present themselves in the realm of the unknown.  So, it's your call, do we SINK or SWIM dude???

The Weight Of REGRETS

 

Believe it OR NOT, The WEIGHT OF REGRETS takes its toll on us, sometimes compartmentalized [like hitting our mental OR physical health] and worst, it hits hard the very core of our lives.  Having said this life is too short to carry the WEIGHT OF REGRETS.  BUT the harsh reality is that, Numero Uno, we all make and made mistakes in life.  WHO does NOT and did NOT?  WHETHER it's NOT pursuing your dream career [YES, I ended up NOT in my dream career BUT I've let that dream career just as that, as another footnote], missing out on a trip of a lifetime OR wishing you had been able to say that final goodbye to a dying loved one, REGRETS can be truly damn hard to move on from📗📙📘

BUT let's call a spade a spade here.  REGRETS and disappointments are a burden as they hold us back mentally and even emotionally.  In the end, that keeps us stuck in the past.  And WHILE we may NOT be consciously aware of them, our REGRETS can be a real heavy weight, and WHO knows, we can end up associating with that emotional weight with any physical weight we may be carrying.  And the truth is, it will be real difficult to feel lighter so long as our 'lost dreams OR aspirations' translated into past REGRETS continue to loom❌❌❌

BUT studies over time have shown that as long we are unable to address the emotional weight of a mistake OR a disappointment, NO amount of physical weight loss can give us that much deeper experience of lightness we deserve after all.  BUT here's the silver lining we deserve.  Sometimes, we do make the right choice.  And then, sometimes we then spend the next months OR even years dealing with REGRET.  Maybe it's because of a missed opportunity OR a hasty decision [maybe decisions either rushed OR uninformted decisions] that continues to gnaw at you.  YES, that can leave you feeling more than just down BUT even angry on yourself and in the end, empty.  BUT please DON'T get me wrong.  It's NOT only you ruminating over past decisions.  All of us do it at some points in our times.  We may feel as if we're stuck in a loop of 'SHOULD HAVES' and "WHAT IFs".  BUT IF we can travel through those negative emotions by learning HOW to deal with REGRET and moving forward💥💥💥

Truth is, even the best and the brightest made and continue to commit mistakes even now.  And REGRET is an inescapable  part of our human experience.  It is a universal, albeit uncomfortable, teacher.  YES, it DOESN'T mean you WON'T be happy again BUT somehow that reminds us of the sheer power of our choices.  And WHILE it can feel relentless, truth is, REGRET usually fades over time✅✅✅

Our takeaway:  One observation I did witness at times is that we can be REGRET-aversive and that means, PLAYING SAFE, making choices and decisions designed to sidestep future feelings of REGRET.  And that means, fear of feeling negative emotions, like awkwardness OR sadness, WHICH can steer your decisions.  Knowing that feeling REGRET is likely and preparing yourself for it might lead to making necessary choices that at times yield better outcomes [and mitigating that risk of REGRETS]😀😀😀

SMALL TALK Is BIG!

 

Many times in life, SMALLNESS is being treated as such.  BUT unless you are an ardent believer of the BIG BANG Theory, I always embraced SMALL TALK UNLESS/EXCEPT if we end up with snoopers, kibitzers, meddlers.  Otherwise, many positive results and developments in life start off with SMALL TALK, regardless WHETHER it's during your airport layover, in-transit while commuting to work and so on📗📙📘

The old school of thought is that SMALL TALK is good for Sales folks.  From Day-1, I always disagreed with that because SMALL TALK is as relevant at home, at the workplace and practically anywhere anytime and sometimes, even for no purpose at all.  I remember in one of my domestic flights in Japan [that Tokyo-Hiroshima leg], I greeted the Japanese lady executive next to me with OHAYO GOZAIMASU and she greeted back, giving me her NTT business card✅✅✅

To cut a long story short, I managed to eke out a commercial 'talking point' between our Global Sales Enablement and NTT, all because of that SMALL TALK.  There you go.  I was never into Sales BUT I ended up creating a Sales opportunity even at that global scale.  Back to our daily lives, though, that SMALL TALK could start with couples/partners.  HOW often have we witnessed couples with very limited TALK at all, even a SMALL TALK at that?  Instead, either OR both partners will talk only for the MUST-DOs or MUST HAVEs LIKE, we got to pay this bill as it's due today OR we got to replenish our rice stock as there's nothing left OR DON'T forget to pay the school fees as it has to be settled before the upcoming quarterly exams.  Other than those 'TRANSACTIONAL' stuff, HOW often have we heard one partner asking his partner HOW is it traversing through the traffic gridlock OR those flash floods after the suddent torrential rains???

Frankly, HOW many relationships weakened, withered until it crumbled, all because there was nary a talk, NOT even SMALL TALKS to enliven those moments even during that early MORNING RUSH for breakfast?  There's a common excuse though.  That there is NO room for SMALL TALK because we were in a RUSH.  Seriously?  BUT dude, every morning is no different.  That constant RUSH has become part of its staple regardless if you're in the First World OR Third World.  Point is, let us reconsider the value we inject with SMALL TALK, instead of shrugging it off😂😂😂

Our takeaway:  Everything boils down to this:  COMMUNICATIONS.  I remember my boss way back my HSBC days.  His favorite one-liner was:  NO TIME? MAKE TIME!  Problem is, people from many walks of life all share this commonality, that is, using TIME as the constant excuse [frankly I'll call it ALIBI] that time is the constant constraint.  To hell no.  SMALL TALK IS BIG, dude❗❗❗

Our Circle Of Control

 

Our CIRCLE of CONTROL is one of the least talked about topics in life.  WHY?  In our increasingly complex world, we often encounter a multitude of challenges that can leave us feeling overwhelmed and disempowered.  And many of the things that seem to concern us these days are clearly way beyond our CONTROL.  And yet, we just CAN'T seem to stop worrying about them.  However, worrying about WHAT we CAN'T CONTROL is NOT a wise use of our limited energy📗📙📘

Frankly, spending our mental energy wisely is of utmost importance especially for those of us WHO may be prone to anxiety, ruminating and worrying and YES, those WHO get exhausted.  Truth is, some things are within our power, WHILE others are NOT.  And within our power of opinion, our motivation, desire, aversion and at times WHATEVER is of our own doing, these are the things that we should focus on and work to improve.  By contrast, there are tons of very obviously, there are things way beyond our CONTROL💥💥💥

Other people's actions, opinions and even feelings about us, and bundle that up with the weather, the local economy and those random events in life, we are reminded NOT to waste our energy worrying about it.  Someone might argue that he has to worry about the weather WHEN typhoons cause floodings that impact our local community.  My blunt retort there is, attack the problem fix it [IF YOU CAN].  WHERE you CAN'T, then figure out a mitigation as a countermeasure, LIKE, if you need to consider relocating your domicile if that is the best mitigation, then go for it, take ACTION.  Worst thing to happen is WHEN something SEEMS to be beyond our CONTROL but in reality, we have some level of CONTROL by way of figuring out a mitigation and countermeasure.  That's a miss WHEN we wrongly tag something as BEYOND our CONTROL😡😡😡

In multiple researchers, it showed that the CIRCLE of CONTROL can be quite a difficult concept to grasp, it being a concept, especially in this world WHERE we often feel like we need to be in CONTROL of everything.  BUT the huge upside here is that once we accept that idea  that there are things we simply CAN'T CONTROL, studies showed that it can be profoundly liberating from within a person💚💛💜

Our takeaway:  Allow me to share this very effective graphics as the first and smallest circle at the center is the CIRCLE of CONTROL, representing aspects of our life pver WHICH we have direct CONTROL.  It is that sphere in WHICH we can effect change.  The CIRCLE of CONTROL symbolizes the areas WHERE we can take meaningful action and make a positive difference.  Most philosophers agree that this area encompasses our inner lives, our own thoughts, beliefs, emotions, interpretations, and judgments of external events.  In a nutshell, WHILE we have that next CIRCLE of INFLUENCE, we can put focus on thins we can CONTROL.  Anything more than that is a bonus😋😋😋

A Good Fit Is Fair Enough [A Perfect Fit Is A Bonus]

 

Many of us [and I "WAS" one of those in the past] tend to be quite obsessed with that "PERFECT FIT" criterion BUT hold on, that's the ideal one, right?  And more often, the 'ideal one' will take light-years versus WHAT is feasible and realistic, and that's the 'GOOD FIT' thing.  BUT before I get whacked, we're NOT rallying against perfectionism.  After all, I would openly admit from my school days onwards, perfectionism was always my mantra and I CAN'T imagine myself giving up an inch to compromise.  So, you might ask me, am I acting now like a chameleon?  NO sirrrrrs.  I'm NOT abandoning perfectionism BUT in our daily life, the reality is that perfectionism will remain the ideal path BUT WHETHER it's the way to go, take a pulse check if the prevailing circumstances can validate that ideal path as the realistic path💚💛💜

NOW, WHO wants to be significantly happier?  Obviously everyone raises his hand, right?  Those years WHEN I was so uncompromising with perfection, I DIDN'T realize then that it was outdated, subjective and ultimately unattainable so I let that sh** go and dissipate in thin air.  From WHERE I stand right now, I'll openly admit that I am a hundred-fold much happier at far greater peace and in the end, deep inside and out, I can vouch that my current standing was NOT all because of perfection because all along, I was most often less than perfect💥💥💥

So, the $64 question is, IS PERFECTION OUTDATED?  NOW, that's debatable BUT it is important to question WHY that struggle to PERFECTION exists within us in the first place. Likely, you may tend to flash to those external influences from your childhood, perhaps starting from our own church/religion WHERE the pastor says we were born in sin!@#$%?

Besides considering HOW long ago that was, emulating anyone from our own faith and religion quickly becomes archaic WHEN we tend to envision HOW individuality would drastically stifle if everyone strove to be one version of being perfect.  Compare it to someone saying the perfect car is the BMW or Mercedenz-Benz, so all the rest of the car brands should be at the level of those car make BUT sorry, that's crazy, right😡😡😡

Our takeaway:  Let's cut the crap out here.  Much as perfection is the best inspiration and motivation for each of our pursuits, inside out, it is always subjective.  Bottomline, let's pull to a full stop any tendency to measure up for others.  After all, it's you WHO needs to set the bar for yourself, NOT even PERFECTION!!!

The KNOWNs + UNKNOWNs + IN-BETWEENso In Life

 

YES YES yowwww, life is an equation indeed, that unholy combination of the KNOWNs, the UNKNOWNs and those IN-BETWEENs.  So, the potential next questions is:  HOW DO WE DEAL with the UNKNOWNs?  True, often we have a good grasp of the KNOWNs, the GIVENs. BUT the UNKNOWNs?  Stating the so obvious thing here, life is always filled with uncertainty, worries and apprehensions about the future.  The long and short of it, those are the UNKNOWNs we've got to deal in life.  At the end of the day, it is tying those loose ends and reconciling both KNOWNs and UNKNOWNs into an equation that can be worked on📗📙📘

So WHAT?  In Singapore, the most common expression is:  So HOW?  WHAT's all these UNKNOWNS in our life?  As they seem to be all around us, hovering all over us, never more so than even today, right?  WHETHER it's the global or regional conflicts, those bubbles bursting in the market, the economy pushing mortgage rates to shoot up and even down to our day-to-day personal finances, much of WHAT lies ahead in life is, more often, part of the UNKNOWNs.  And yet, as human beings, we tend to crave for security.  WHO does NOT want for things to be safe and certain, for us to have that sense of control of our lives and well-being!!!

I'll be the very first one to agree that all those UNKNOWNs can potentially leave us stressed and sometimes even anxious to the extent that we tend to feel powerless over the direction of our life.  True, before we know it, it drains our emotional 'battery' with us ending up trapped in that downward spiral of endless "WHAT IFs" and end up painting all those worst case scenarios about WHAT tomorrow and even the next-next days will bring us.  YES, to an extent, we're all different in HOW much those UNKNOWNs would impact our lives💚💛💜

Now, let's set the score straight.  Each of us is unique and different in HOW much all those UNKNOWNs can be tolerated in life.  I've met people WHO seem to relish and really enjoy taking risks and living a life midst of multiple UNKNOWNs.  Others?  YES, many of us will find having those UNKNOWNs and that sort of randomness of life deeply distressing💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  Let's face it, regardless of our mindsets, we all have limits and thresholds WHICH may be breached.  BUT if we feel overwhelmed by UNKNOWNs, many of us are in that same boat.  It's further imperative to note that no matter HOW helpless and hopeless we may feel, it is HOW we deal with the UNKNOWNs that will shape up the probable outcome arising from all these equations with multiple UNKNOWN variables😡😡😡😡