Is Bouncing Back Really Bouncing Back?

 

How many times do we hear the encouraging BOUNCING BACK expression?  Probably many times, right?  BUT I thought we're hitting a paradox in here because the intention to BOUNCE BACK truly seriously sounds inspirational after a major personal crisis, after losing your job, after losing a blue-chip client OR even WHEN disaster strikes and hits us BUT again, that premise really fails to deliver, whichever perspective you see it💥💥💥

Simply put, it is impossible to reestablish OR even recreate the past because WHAT WAS, NO LONGER IS.  The situation becomes different then and now.  Looking at the past for benchmarks of success would lead us to waste the very essential resources we need to adapt to the present.  YES, admittedly, there's a deeper contradiction woven into the mainstream resilience narrative, which makes this thread exciting✅✅✅

YES, we're NOT totally OR solely at fault here as we've been taught to think of RESILIENCE as a singular, one-size-fits-all skill to overcome our myriad of challenges.  BUT the harsh truth here is that stressors exist on a 'continuum'.  Thus, it stands to reason that RESILIENCE must as well.  And by adding critical context to problems and respecting the multifaceted nature of RESILIENCE, it's possible to navigate the complexities of life and business with less stress and even more ease, hopefully💚💛💜

And this is where we'd like to leverage on industry researches by experts who have hypothesized three distinct types of RESILIENCE to match each challenge with the appropriate response.

NATURAL RESILIENCE - is our survival instinct to withstand, adjust and heal from life's upheavals

LEARNED RESILIENCE - is a response to inevitable day-to-day issues, developed over time

STRATEGIC RESILIENCE - is an advanced skill to proactive prevent obstacle & even streamline things

Our takeaway:  Surprisingly, that industry research went farther by listing three categories of challenges

ADVERSITIES - those life-altering situations with hardly any solution, like a critical health crisis, OR death of a loved one OR even natural disasters

OBSTACLES - problems with potential solutions 

TASKS - actions to be done [and really actionable]

In a nutshell, BOUNCING BACK means we have hone our RESILIENCE because it's the way to go!!!

That Elusive Genuine GRATITUDE

 

Talking about GRATITUDE?  ISN'T this a boring thread?  Me thinks, it will be that boring if we cover this everyday BUT if we're scratching the surface just for once, I personally think that this is beneficial for us all.  On the other hand, I could spend all day long detailing all of the things I'm grateful for in my life BUT that's where I'm sure it will be very boring to read.  So, instead, I'll stick with one and that's my GRATEFULNESS to be able to feel the depth of my GRATEFULNESS on a regular basis.  YESsireeee, GRATITUDE is the closest thing there is to feeling true happiness and WHILE I DON'T feel it everyday, I'll admit that it is much more accessible to me now [more than ever].  BTW, to be GRATEFUL will NOT even cost us a penny.  Time?  Can we partake even a slightest fraction of the idle time we have???

I have to admit though that, early in life, GRATITUDE does NOT even have a place in our own dictionary.  Instead, we get swallowed [hook, line and sinker] by the frenetic pace of our frenzied lives.  And admittedly, we never feel satiated even by the everyday BLESSINGS we receive and benefit.  WHY?  Because of that BIG LIE that whispers through our ears day-in day-out that having MORE and MORE in order to be happy is the way to go.  And this WHERE the disconnect lies📘📙📗

Frankly, the ideal state is for us to cultivate, practice and sustain GRATEFULNESS as an integral part of our approach in life, that one surefire way to transform our lives.  BTW, to be frank and blunt, GRATITUDE is NOT manifested via those very nice THANK YOU notes and even good manners.  NOT the GRATITUDE that reacts, feels indebted OR is solicitous.  Those kind of GRATITUDE are NO less 'transactional'  but are likely conditional, occassional and frankly, fleeting moments💧💧💧

By way of contrast, there is a kind of GRATITUDE that can really permeate every moment and lasting enough.  One that precedes and suffuses everything.  It is NOT only a 'something good happened' GRATITUDE OR 'I got WHAT I wanted'.  Instead, it is an 'I WOKE UP AGAIN TODAY' GRATITUDE and 'I WALKED INTO THIS ROOM ALREADY GRATEFUL'.  YES, it seems and it is a radical GRATITUDE with a 'NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, I CAN STILL FEEL GRATITUDE FOR SOMETHING' attitude.  That kind of radical GRATITUDE invites us to experience our lives as that kind of 'living laboratories' for feeling thankful, and 'FULL' enough, encouraging us to lead even with vulnerability, respect, generosity and YES, authenticity.  In this way, we can learn to live NOT just with GRATITUDE but from it, from that deep well of well-being WHICH never dries up.  And from that place, we easily give, receive and ask for WHAT is needed, all of it GRATEFULLY💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  One thing I realized over and over again is that, without being defensive, one common reason WHY GRATITUDE seems to slip through us is because experiences WHICH grant is GRATITUDE fly through our lives like 'shooting stars', thrilling us BUT disappearing as quickly as it came.  Stumbling blocks of GRATITUDE?  FEAR. DENIAL.  DESPERATION.  ENTITLEMENT.  ENVY.  EXPECTATIONS.  SCARCITY.  Name it.  One too many reasons WHY we overlook geniuine GRATITUDE but these are NO huge bumps to overcome.  Hoping GRATITUDE kicks in💚💛💜

When Generosity Kicks In

 

Think of the last time you were a recipient of an act of kindness [OR GENEROSITY].  HOW did it make you feel?  Did it brighten up your day?  Did you tell someone about it?  Did it inspire you to pass kindness OR GENEROSITY on to someone else?  True, we CANNOT receive an act of kindness OR GENEROSITY and NOT be impacted, right dude?  It is crazier to even think that even those small acts make a difference.  These acts affect the receiver, the giver and anyone WHO witnessed it!!!

Chances are, WHEN you thought of your recent 'gift', it was NOT monetary.  And I have to admit I have been extremely fortunate to have been around many generous people.  And admittedly, my wife is one of the best on this.  And although she is generous in many ways [I remember many times my thoughts of generosity were overriden with her generosity ideas WHICH were many levels way much butter than WHAT I thought of].  YES, I often smile WHEN we face a challenge WHILE she immediately voices the positive aspect we will now get to enjoy.  YES, admittedly, she radiates that positive impact on the people she encounters and leaves that much higher level trail of GENEROSITY💚💛💜

True, I have never known a GENEROUS person WHO stopped being GENEROUS.  Having said that, I regularly see GENEROUS people becoming more and more GENEROUS because it brings them such joy and fulfillment.  And there is a very important lesson on that aspect, and that is, everyone connected to GENEROSITY wins, regardless if you are the recipient, the giver, and anyone else WHO picks up lessons from that act of GENEROSITY.  YES, neither can we deny that a GENEROUS living 'lived in good faith' is an exceptionally wealthy way to live life💥💥💥

Stating the obvious, GENEROSITY can also bring incredible benefits cutting through generations of a family's lineage.  NOT to downplay the billionaire moguls, WHEN they donate tons of monies for a good cause LIKE academic institutions, even as the university buildings and even the college departments are renamed in their honor, his family's next generations will reap its benefits

Our takeaway:  Much as GENEROSITY comes and manifests in different forms and shapes, it behooves that GENEROSITY comes into fruition out of good faith and undoubtedly in the most sincere way.  WHICH irks me WHEN I remember the indemically CORRUPT traditional politicians WHO can go around and purportedly shower his constituencies with tons of monetary help WHEN the real truth is that those budgets come from the government coffers [NOT from their own pockets]. Ouch😡😡😡

Our Two Brains!

 

YES dude, we're truly blessed.  We've got our first brain up there and our second brain somewhere midway.  No need to scour the internet as to WHY our gut is tagged as our second brain.  Even AI is a very strong proponent as to WHEN to trust our GUT INSTINCTS.  NOT a long list for us to have another 'super-lame inexcusable excuse' that we've got NO time to spare?  C'mon dude!@#$%?

WHEN it comes to one's SAFETY, that comes as 'primus inter pares', first amongst equals in fact.  Verily true, more often, taking a 'deep read' of our GUT INSTINCTS is challenging even under the most normal circumstances.  LIKE WHEN we just CAN'T explain things WHY a certain situation, person OR location seems unsafe for us to get into.  On the other hand, let us think a hundred times because that instinct can protect us as it triggers the signaling of those subtle cues💧💧💧

I remember that 9/11 narrative WHEN the life of United Airlines Flight Attendant Elise O'Kane was spared WHEN her supposed UA flight crashed into the World Trade Center.  Her miss?  There was that scheduling glitch in the UA system BUT WHEN she got hit with that glitch wherein she got booked to another domestic flight instead, she decided and opted NOT to raise a howl [and NOT even a whimper], NOT to anyone in the UA organization.  Oh God, that spared her life💚💛💜

Sneaking into the relevant science, we are told that communication between our brain and GUT is in fact a bidirectional process that, besides efferent connections, it also involves afferent pathways that carry information from the gastrointestinal tract to the central nervous system [CNS - as pictured on the left].  Somehow, that complex afferent communication system provides our brain with integrated information on our GUT function and in that task, the GUT-BRAIN axis contributes to interoception, a process that enables our brain to 'know' the internal state of our own body, aligning it to our mental activity💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  In the simplest layman's terms, WHEN do we NOT ignore our GUT INSTINCTS?

WHEN our personal safety seems to be 'on the line'.

WHEN we're sick and unwell, just NEVER ignore it at all.

WHEN we feel distrusting someone with a scary red flag

WHEN important life decisions will kick in, take stock of it

WHEN CHANGE is needed, after getting stalled sometime

WHEN excitement spikes, it may be an opportunity aligning either with your purpose, priorities OR needs in life

YES dude, we've got TWO BRAINS💚💛💜

Increasing Our Value?

 

A couple of times I asked this same question to different people:  "HOW DO YOU INCREASE YOUR VALUE?" Instantly, they responded back and alas, their responses were aligned based on one wrong assumption, i.e. that is, they took my question literally, WHICH means, WHEN they heard "VALUE", they considered those pecuniary $$$$$$ considerations [WHICH was NOT the context of my question].  So, I reframed my question so that they DON'T take it literally.  And that's WHEN I did observe they started to 'crack their brains', sort of💥💥💥

In short, setting aside all the material and financial things in life, HOW DO WE INCREASE OUR VALUE [as a person]?  BTW, I did NOT concoct that question because I was asked that same question as well [and I made the mistake of assuming that I had to take that question literally].  After soul-searching, I thought I can INCREASE MY VALUE by revisiting those intangibles, those attributes that has got nothing to do with material things BUT instead, as a reflection of oneself💚💛💜

HOW about in those moments of disagreement, can we stand pat without disrespecting others?

HOW about honoring our commitments [to a 'T'] to earn that reputation of being reliable?

HOW about encouraging others to improve and help them grow even either as a person OR as a worker?

HOW about valuing peopl's efforts, not just outcomes?

HOW about NOT reacting to everything, if not needed?

On a more positive note, wholeheartedly believing in yourself that you're capable of achieving things realistically, that will likely be your catalyst towards your road to success, YES you can even call it your road to redemption, if you may.  And YES do acknowledge that there is only one barrier along the way and that is YOU yourself.  WHICH means, you gotta remove that barrier😡😡😡

Our takeaway: Through the years, I always believe that we ourselves are capable to break that glass ceiling up there.  BUT WHAT is quite exasperating is WHEN I hear someone blurt with self-defeating statements like "THAT'S HOW FAR I CAN GO?" That's no different WHEN one says "OH NO, I'M NOT GOOD IN MATH!"  Oh Oh Oh, this brings me back to what I said awhile back that the only barrier along the way is our own self.  Let us clear that barrier ASAP, dude!!!

Fence-sitting In Life!

 

Supposedly, there is NOTHING wrong with FENCE-SITTING.  WHEN probably you're resting OR relaxing.  BUT in life, FENCE-SITTING gives us a totally different dimension. From a layman's perspective, FENCE-SITTING means withholding your judgment OR opinion until you have firmed up as to WHETHER you agree OR not with a particular situation that requires a decision.  In fact, FENCE-SITTING is usually a good idea until you are informed enough to come up with an informed decision.  Moreover, it is possible you can take both views to be mistaken OR inadequate BUT complementary and at the same time, there is a meaningful sense in WHICH the above expresses something similar.  YES, FENCE-SITTING in life can be tricky at times💥💥💥

Let's face it.  In life, indecisions are a fact of life, and it can be quite a 'lonely' decision OR even a plain situation.  BUT admittedly, if you ask me, by default I am a FENCE SITTER until such time I breach my own self-imposed self-timer.  And WHEN I'm a FENCE-SITTER, it is NOT because of my lack of conviction OR courage to take a stand BUT most of the time [I'll say 99%] of the time it is because I'd like to see, read and understand both sides of a story and weigh things😌😌😌

Before I would hear a chorus of "I TOLD YOU SO", allow me to caution you that FENCE-SITTERS get a bad rap BUT being a FENCE-SITTER does NOT mean avoiding to make decisions OR even vascillating to take either side OR choice to agree OR disagree.  BUT it's NOT about waffling OR dodging solutions either.  Instead, WITHOUT being defensive, it is about thoughtful contemplation and evaluating all available information thoroughly before committing to a particular stance of an issue OR a situation.  YES, WHILE that may give one a semblance of being indecisive, it can be a strategic way of ensuring that you will eventually come up with an informed decision💥💥💥

The problem arises WHEN we end up so cozy and comfy being a FENCE-SITTER to the extent that you end up buying time way beyond WHAT is reasonably justifiable.  True, we may seem wishy-washy BUT in a world WHERE everyone has an opinion OR even a theory WHICH they seem so certain to be true enough quick decisions are often valued over thoughtful ones and FENCE-SITTERS are the ones WHO ensure that every angle is sufficiently considered.  True, by straddling the fence, we can avoid the pitfalls of unconscious biases that cloud judgment.  YES, we strive for objectivity WHICH is essential in making fair and balanced decisions✅✅✅

Our takeaway:  NOT to downplay the worthiness of this thread BUT simply put, if FENCE-SITTING is more apt and more ok, by default, that is applicable to political views and corporate decisions.  Other than those exceptions, it behooves that we should NOT embrace FENCE-SITTING as a default BUT in life, time is of the essence.  Even if you're grappling with domestic decision-points at your home, you can only buy time so much BUT establish a threshold WHICH you yourself should embrace and commit to.  YES dude, FENCE-SITTING IN LIFE is really it😡😡😡

Good Versus Bad Thoughts

 

Our thread today is one of the simplest thoughts I ever considered to spend time, that is GOOD versus BAD THOUGHTs.  Per se, it's pretty normal to have those BAD OR GOOD THOUGHTs from time to time BUT what's quite alarming are the results of recent researches showing that, generally, BAD THOUGHTs may likely lead to 'BAD LIFE' WHEREAS GOOD THOUGHTs may likely lead to 'GOOD LIFE'.  Word of caution here, GOOD LIFE DOESN'T imply you'll be instantly successful WHILE BAD LIFE DOESN'T necessarily mean you're instantly a total wreck😡😡😡😡

NOT surprisingly, experts opine that as a general rule, BAD begets BAD, GOOD begets GOOD.  And that dovetails with their studies that lead to the fact that personality traits such as optimism and pessimism can indeed affect numerous areas of our health and well-being.  That POSITIVE thinking that usually comes with optimism is a key part of effective stress.  And effective stress management is associated with many health benefits, which on the other end, if we tend to be entertaining those BAD thoughts, e.g. pessimism, we can be courting trouble more than anything else.  In Feng Shui, although I am NOT an ardent believer of it, Feng Shui experts keep harping that BAD thoughts begets BAD results WHILE the GOOD thoughts may likely lead you to GOOD results!!!

Thrice I attended events hosted by Francis Kong, a highly respected business and motivational speaker WHO did highlight multiple times that POSITIVE thinking DOESN'T mean that we should ignore life's pleasant situations.  Simply put, POSITIVE thinking means that we approach unpleasantness in a more POSITIVE and productive way.  In the fewest words, it's kind of thinking that the best is going to happen [and NOT the worst].  Oh YES, I remember his opening statements:  POSITIVE THINKING OFTEN STARTS WITH SELF-TALK.  Digging in, self-talk is that endless stream of unspoken thoughts that run through your head.  YES, those can be POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE thoughts❎❎❎

Through the years, I did recognize that those 'automatic thoughts' can either be POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE.  YES, some of our own self-talk comes from logic and reason.  Other self-talk may arise from misconceptions that we tend to create because of that lack of information OR even expectations due to probable preconceived ideas of WHAT may happen.  And if those thoughts that run through our head end up to be predominantly NEGATIVE, it is very very likely that our outlook on life is more likely pessimistic.  On the other hand, if your thoughts tend to be frequently POSITIVE, there is that likelihood that you are an optimist, someone WHO practices POSITIVE thinking😌😌😌

Our takeaway:  Rather than exert extra efforts to dig deeper on this thread, allow me to paste EN TOTO the below health benefits of POSITIVE thinking [as published by Mayo Clinic:

• Increased life span
• Lower rates of depression
• Lower levels of distress and pain
• Increased resistance to illnesses
• Better psychological & physical well-being
• Better coping skills during the times of stress

Second Chances? Take It As The "LAST CALL" [For Boarding]

 

SECOND CHANCES in life?  As WHAT Meta's FB says, we should be FEELING BLESSED😍😍😍  Exactly dude!  If at all, SECOND CHANCES come very rarely and if they do, time becomes a crucial factor because that rarity can stem from the time that has passed, a person's unwillingness to change OR broken trust, making each chance valuable and a potentially new beginning.  Even as each new day is a new chance, BUT a specific second chance at a past situation is limited by time.  Without sounding like a threat, IF and WHEN those SECOND CHANCES do knock on your door, spare no extra second to swing that door wide open, grab that SECOND CHANCE and pour it out, give it all so it WON'T be in vain💙💛💚

A zillion times, I did witness first-hand people having those SECOND CHANCES but I've to admit, I felt aghast WHEN they take their own sweet time.  MAYBE they DON'T want to appear as so eager-beaver?  MAYBE they HAVEN'T recovered from that previous slip-up?  MAYBE they believe that they had all the time in the world?  MAYBE they are just as slow-footed as turtles?  MAYBE they [wrongly] expect that close to the heels of SECOND CHANCES, a THIRD CHANCE OR even a FOURTH CHANCE will still be in the offing?  MAYBE he's pride is so lofty and as high as the top of that lighthouse tower, oblivious of the fact that although he may stand out as a lighthouse, he stands so isolated out there???

BUT sometimes, playing the devil's advocate, I sometimes ask this question:  WHY give someone that SECOND CHANCE WHEN he screwed up?  WHY do people plead for forgiveness AND THEN, screw up [AGAIN!@#$%?] This is especially most perplexing in plots WHERE the characters screw up so damn badly that we end up baffled as to HOW they get another SECOND CHANCE at all.  Stories like that indeed frustrates and annoys me no end [although admittedly, I did have my share of faults in the past]💥💥💥

Many times, I perceived that with SECOND CHANCES, it applies to those big SCREW UPs.  NO sirrrrrrs.  SECOND CHANCES also apply to those little things, like forgetting a lunch appointment, OR breaking a small promise.  OR even promising your kid you'll buy something WHEN you go home from work yet you arrive home empty handed.  Question me if your credibility does NOT get dented by that miss???

Our takeaway:  If I had my way, I'll obliterate "SECOND CHANCES" from the English language and call it instead as "LAST CALL".  NOT as a threat BUT that's the messaging I'd like to drive out here.  In fact, I strongly feel that things will be much better off if we embed that "LAST CALL" mindset everytime that SECOND CHANCE does happen.  Because that "LAST CALL" should be enough to tell us frankly and bluntly to SHAPE UP OR SHIP OUT!@#$%?  And lastly, if I may add, let us NOT even think of THIRD and FOURTH chances.  Frankly, enough is enough.  Let's live life as a ONE-OFF CHANCE and WHEN that SECOND CHANCE comes, let's take it as that "LAST CALL"!@#$%?

Nothing Gets Hidden Forever!

 

NOTHING GETS HIDDEN FOREVER. It's true the scents of perfume smell so nice.  Meanwhile, through the centuries that we are aware of [at least even referencing our history books], TRUTH prevails regardless if it is a positive OR negative one.  Just like in our own homes, at times, we tend to sweep the dust under the carpet and even keep anything that smells unpleasant way beyond.  BUT it goes only as far as time can handle it BUT for how long?  Even more than 6 years after his suicide while imprisoned, that JEFFREY EPSTEIN saga has dragged one too many personalities and as it is, scandals know NO BOUNDARIES.  You can even be a member of the British Royalty like the former 'PRINCE' Andrew, one of the key members of the Mountbatten-Windsor Family💚💛💜

Studies show that much as our body needs ATP [Adenosine Triphosphate], that universal energy currency molecule our brain needs, it needs that constant supply of ATP to 'power' its functions such as neurotransmitter cycling.  Surprisingly, without that ATP, our brain cannot perform complex tasks like forming thought OR even moving muscles.  And the derived conclusion is that it is human nature for us to be as perfect as possible💧💧💧

Then, voila, WHAT happens next?  Lies and dishonesty may creep in.  BUT the huge catch here is that no one and nothing can ever-ever hide the truth for so long, including the most unpleasant ones.  BUT here's the thing.  WHY can there be chronic and idemic lies over and over again?  WHEN some things are better left unsaid, NOT because they are shameful OR wrong BUT because saying them out loud might do more harm than good.  YES, we all do have passing thoughts, small frustrations, OR those private feelings that live in the quiet corners of our minds.  And sometimes, sharing every single one of them does not help BUT instead, it chips things away❌❌❌

So, here's a NOT so challenging question.  Does keeping something to yourself mean you are being dishonest?  I had to sneak into the world views even from psychology experts and in unison, their response is "NOT ALWAYS"!.  As there is a difference between hiding and choosing peace.  Between silence and secrecy, knowing WHEN to speak and WHEN to stay silent is a quiet skill, one that grows with time, trust and even, hold your breath, unconscious care.  These experts further opine that because while dishonesty matters deeply, NOT all truths need to be voiced to be valid.  Sometimes, keeping a few personal secrets is just a softer way of holding space💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  Interestingly, allow me to paste here instances WHERE experts opine are better off as UNSAID:  Those small annoyances that do NOT truly matter.  Those doubts that could be just passing emotions.  Past hookups that have NO relevance now [YES, your own history is YOURS😡😡😡]  Those opinions and heresay that remain as such.  WHY repeat them?  True, NOTHING GETS HIDDEN FOREVER but NOT everything is either black OR white from this dimension, dude😁😁😁

Digging Deeper Into The Weeds

 

Oh Oh, sorry folks, I'm NOT misleading you towards agriculture as I was NOT born with that 'green thumb' BUT instead, this brings us back to our small planet earth WHERE there are just one too many myriad micro-level stuff, enough to catch us by our lapels.  Literally, think about the restaurant cook trying to cope up with the mile-long queue of food orders.  At that point, HOW else can the Cook DIG DEEPER INTO THE WEEDS???

I remember when I was @Shell, WHERE for the very first time, I got introduced into those very structured annual performance reviews and come the review period, I'd do WHAT I need to do and during my F2F's with each of my team members, they had a common reaction, that my narratives were way too verbose, too long, and they thought they were reading a book, ouch.  I thought that was a complement but belatedly, I realized that it was the opposite.  Ouch, that hurts, sort of❎❎❎

NOT to be defensive, I came across this quote from Anthony D'Angelo. And instantly, I told myself, Oh Oh, I was doing the right things after all!!!  BUT there are two sides of the coin here.  One is, DIGGING DEEPER INTO THE WEEDS to fix and resolve a problem, even finding its very root cause.  On the other hand, from a leadership perspective, this leads us to that judgment call we have to make💚💛💜

WHICH brings me back to one of the annual reviews WHERE I was at the receiving end.  Much as it seems that I performed well that year [from the perspective of my Dutch expat line manager then], my improvement area [as per my boss then] was for me to manage OR contain my tendencies to be 'micro-managing' things.  And NOT to be defensive, I acknowledged it as a valid observation and NOT to defend myself, I explained that having started as a 'techie' from the ground up, I had that tendency💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  Let's close this out from two different perspectives.  From a problem-solving scenario, YES, we gotta DIG DEEPER INTO THE WEEDS because that's the only way to eke out the very root cause and apply that final fix.  Other than that scenario, it behooves that we should pull-in OR pull-out depending on the circumstances enveloping you at that time.  WHAT's important here is your timely moves IN or OUT when DIGGING DEEPER INTO THE WEEDS😗😗😗