When WHINING Is More Than Just WHINING

 

All along, I [wrongly] shrugged off WHINING as nothing BUT one of those petty manifestations NOT worth talking about.  LIKE a trouble shared lightens our mental load and facilitates gaining other perspectives.  LIKE WHINING makes us feel good?  Especially if we get validated, YES at times it could be a way to bond and connect.  Personally, I feel that small doses of WHINING and verbalizing our gripes can be a stress reliever💚💛💜

Statistical data shows that on average, we spend 10,000 minutes a year WHINING and moaning, call it any other way.  YES, the data showed as well that millennials WHINGED the most.with relationships and work colleagues dominating the source of those WHININGs and moanings.  No here's the bombshell from experts.  Excessive WHINING is NOT good for our physical and psychological health.  Apparently, chronic complaining induces NEGATIVITY, rewires our brainand activates the stress hormone cortisol.  Then, our immune system gets weakened and even our blood pressure rises and what happens next, your guess is as good as mine💥💥💥

Listening to the experts, although the general understanding is that we feel that venting and WHINING releases those pent-up pressures, the reality is it fuels negativity rather than ameliorates it.  Going on about something OR someone ignites negative feelings as we relive the scene.  And worst of all worse stuff, with social media hovering all over us, ranting online will NOT make us feel better, that's for sure😀😀😀

In the shortest words, instead of blowing off steam, WHINING fuels fire.  True, we hear people often complain to gain support BUT if that becomes repetitive and intense, ironically, it wears down the patience of others.  NOW, that's NOT the last of the warnings.  Apparently, frequent WHINING becomes habitual and increases the likelihood of feeling NEGATIVE even about other aspects of life.  Things then can get nastier❌❌❌

Our takeaway:  NOT to be overly tough on our own self, let us NOT turn a blind eye even for the tiniest RED FLAGs that may seem to surface because those are the best times to 'nip things in the bud' [and it is a known fact that if any effort that gets exerted at the earliest point in time can equate to the least efforts you and me can exert.  YES dude, there will be moments WHEN WHINING IS MORE THAN JUST [simply] WHINING😡😡😡

Reacting Versus Responding

 

Puzzling OR even bewildering because in every situation, sometimes, we [wrongly] thought that it's all about a coin that needs to be flipped.  BUT supposedly, this is a non-discussion BUT the thing is, sometimes the other side of the coin has two more sides, that is, REACTING versus RESPONDING.  Yes, frankly, there is a huge whale of difference between either REACTING OR RESPONDING💥💥💥

I've been into a bind a zillion times WHEREIN in the aftermath, I would blurt out LIKE WHEN I look back on my knee-jerk reactions, many times I realized that Is should have just taken a breath.  The irony here is that many of us tend to have a mix-up of REACTING versus RESPONDING, [wrongly] thinking that it's one and the same, synonymously.  BUT they are NOT.  In fact, they're poles apart💚💛💜

WHEN we say OR do something 'WITHOUT THINKING', that's our unconscious mind running the show, driven either by the beliefs, biases OR prejudices.  YES, the harsh truth is that a REACTION is based 'in the moment' and it does NOT take into consideration the ramifications and/or consequences of WHAT we say OR do.  From a psychology perspective, REACTIONs are more survival-oriented and frankly at times, it reflects a level of defense mechanism.  It might turn out okay BYT often a REACTION is something you and me will regret later, that's something we can be sure of.  Been there, been burnt many times💥💥💥

And HOW about RESPONSEs.  Anyone who's excited may feel frustrated [and probably impatient] because RESPONSEs usually come and happen agonizingly slow.  NOT to point fingers here and there BUT WHO RESPONDs and NOT REACTs would exert effort + time to gather all the information both from our conscious and unconscious mind.  YES, RESPONSEs take into consideration the well-being NOT just of oneself✅✅✅

Our takeaway:  Allow me to share a real-life scenario WHERE a beggar approaches you out in the streets.  If you gave out money out of fear, embarrassment OR guilt, that is a REACTION  BUT if you gave that money from a solid sense of "I'm here to help my fellow man in whatever form", that is a RESPONSE.  YES dude, there is a world of difference between REACTING versus RESPONDING even in exactly the same life circumstances😡😡😡

Interruptions, Anyone?

 

INTERRUPTIONS, anyone?  Supposedly, INTERRUPTIONS should be the least of our worries, right?  Rightfully so EXCEPT WHEN it's either recurring more often OR even if it does rarely, it is impacting you, your focus, your thought process.  And more often, a lot of bigger issues in life initially pop-up as those little insignificant and inessential stuff😡😡😡

And WHEN INTERRUPTIONs become quite constant, it can indeed be difficult to deal with BUT understanding a bit more with a broader perspective can help us cope with it.  Oh YES, recognizing WHY INTERRUPTIONS happen is a great place to start.  And before we look around elsewhere, it should NOT take much effort from our end to do a SELF-ASSESSMENT in case there is something to be rectified OR at least improved from us, maybe the way we articulate? OR probably we have behavioral body language that seems to trigger the 'INTERRUPTERs'???

Oh yes, DISCUSSIONS matter so much in our daily life, be it at home, at work OR even in our business forays.  And a DISCUSSION can take only so many INTERRUPTIONs before it ceases to be a DISCUSSION.  For that reason, chronic INTERRUPTIONs are 'conversation-killers' that will expectedly disrupt even the healthiest exchange of information.  YES, listening to experts, we need to have a better grasp of that psychology of INTERRUPTING😂😂😂

• CULTURE/FAMILY BACKGROUND - Some tendencies to INTERRUPT can stem from cultural differences.  That may mean like a natural behavior for them.
• NEED FOR CONTROL - There are some INTERRUPTERs WHO are goal-driven, impatient people WHO likes 'straight to the point'.  At times, we find out that there are ELEPHANTS IN THE ROOM😡😡😡

Our takeaway:  Facing the mirror, allow me to share my self-realizations as well:

• EXCESSIVE EXCITEMENT - That has happened to me multiple times, with excitement taking over me as WHEN I am unable to go straight to the point, INTERRUPTERs end up interrupting me
• LACK of AWARENESS - Chronic INTERRUPTERs sometimes have NO idea they are even doing it.  As the Singaporean expression goes, "IT'S AS PER NORMAL"

Dude, next time around, can we handle INTERRUPTIONs much better???

Does It Really Matter [If You've Got More Seasons Behind Than Ahead]?

 

In the crazy hoops world of the NBA, seasons matter, from the time an up and coming hoopster joins the Annual Draft Day until he goes through the punishing rat race in a very competitive NBA world WHERE everyone knows, much as it is the love of sports and basketball, at the end of the day, NBA is sheer business and no less than that.  And WHAT happens if a hoopster has got more seasons behind than ahead?  YES, I'm referring to Norman Powell, the 32 year old Miami Heat player💚💛💜

YES, this may be a mere fun fact with regard Norman Powell BUT although I've never been closer to the NBA world besides being an avid fan of it, there are two harsh realities every NBA player has to live with.  Firstly, you've got to earn your spurs as soon as you get drafted as a rookie on your Year-1.  And secondly, with one foot in, you've got to ramp up and create that career breakthrough for you to earn those fatty-fatty NBA contracts that continues to skyrocket as you get recognized.  BUT here's the catch.  Time will NEVER be on your side.  Sadly, even the best and brightest players get sidetracked by injuries and before they know it, they lost the momentum year-on-year.  And as much as there are tons of success stories, there is a similar share of sad and utter failures😡😡😡

BUT here comes Miami Heat's Norman Powell.  He seemed to have broken that jinx because as we speak, he's now 32 years old [a long list of NBA players did prematurely retire way before they hit the 30-year mark] and now on his fourth ballclub spanning more than elevent years, whew.  BUT within the past one month, Norman Powell has proven his doubters wrong.  In fact, he's having a last laugh WHEN he remembers his former ballclub, the LA Clippers, WHO unceremoniously traded him last year to Miami Heat, trading for players of less and lesser values💧💧💧

WHAT's the lesson we can learn and pick up from Norman Powell.  Numero uno, your age is never a show-stopper even if you need to ambitiously climb up Mount Rushmore.  Segundo, your only enemy and nemesis is your own self if you refuse and resist that challenge to overcome even the worst challenges.  As the stars even seem to align now for Norman Powell, this year is his 'contract year' because by next year, unless he inks a new contract, he could try the free agent market and very obviously, this year seems to be Norman Powell's breakout year and turn to relentlessly ignite that offensive juggernaut the coming months💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  Nothing and nothing can ever stop us in life.  NOT even after so many debacles.  NOT even after we have turned black and blue a zillion times.  All we need to have is that gumption of NEVER giving up, NOT until your last gasp, NOT until the last drop of your sweat, NOT until your last drip of blood arising from your sacrifices.  So, DOES IT REALLY MATTER IF YOU'VE GOT MORE SEASONS BEHIND THAN AHEAD?  NOT at all if we hear this latest cinderella run from Norman Powell😊😊😊

Is Bouncing Back Really Bouncing Back?

 

How many times do we hear the encouraging BOUNCING BACK expression?  Probably many times, right?  BUT I thought we're hitting a paradox in here because the intention to BOUNCE BACK truly seriously sounds inspirational after a major personal crisis, after losing your job, after losing a blue-chip client OR even WHEN disaster strikes and hits us BUT again, that premise really fails to deliver, whichever perspective you see it💥💥💥

Simply put, it is impossible to reestablish OR even recreate the past because WHAT WAS, NO LONGER IS.  The situation becomes different then and now.  Looking at the past for benchmarks of success would lead us to waste the very essential resources we need to adapt to the present.  YES, admittedly, there's a deeper contradiction woven into the mainstream resilience narrative, which makes this thread exciting✅✅✅

YES, we're NOT totally OR solely at fault here as we've been taught to think of RESILIENCE as a singular, one-size-fits-all skill to overcome our myriad of challenges.  BUT the harsh truth here is that stressors exist on a 'continuum'.  Thus, it stands to reason that RESILIENCE must as well.  And by adding critical context to problems and respecting the multifaceted nature of RESILIENCE, it's possible to navigate the complexities of life and business with less stress and even more ease, hopefully💚💛💜

And this is where we'd like to leverage on industry researches by experts who have hypothesized three distinct types of RESILIENCE to match each challenge with the appropriate response.

NATURAL RESILIENCE - is our survival instinct to withstand, adjust and heal from life's upheavals

LEARNED RESILIENCE - is a response to inevitable day-to-day issues, developed over time

STRATEGIC RESILIENCE - is an advanced skill to proactive prevent obstacle & even streamline things

Our takeaway:  Surprisingly, that industry research went farther by listing three categories of challenges

ADVERSITIES - those life-altering situations with hardly any solution, like a critical health crisis, OR death of a loved one OR even natural disasters

OBSTACLES - problems with potential solutions 

TASKS - actions to be done [and really actionable]

In a nutshell, BOUNCING BACK means we have hone our RESILIENCE because it's the way to go!!!

That Elusive Genuine GRATITUDE

 

Talking about GRATITUDE?  ISN'T this a boring thread?  Me thinks, it will be that boring if we cover this everyday BUT if we're scratching the surface just for once, I personally think that this is beneficial for us all.  On the other hand, I could spend all day long detailing all of the things I'm grateful for in my life BUT that's where I'm sure it will be very boring to read.  So, instead, I'll stick with one and that's my GRATEFULNESS to be able to feel the depth of my GRATEFULNESS on a regular basis.  YESsireeee, GRATITUDE is the closest thing there is to feeling true happiness and WHILE I DON'T feel it everyday, I'll admit that it is much more accessible to me now [more than ever].  BTW, to be GRATEFUL will NOT even cost us a penny.  Time?  Can we partake even a slightest fraction of the idle time we have???

I have to admit though that, early in life, GRATITUDE does NOT even have a place in our own dictionary.  Instead, we get swallowed [hook, line and sinker] by the frenetic pace of our frenzied lives.  And admittedly, we never feel satiated even by the everyday BLESSINGS we receive and benefit.  WHY?  Because of that BIG LIE that whispers through our ears day-in day-out that having MORE and MORE in order to be happy is the way to go.  And this WHERE the disconnect lies📘📙📗

Frankly, the ideal state is for us to cultivate, practice and sustain GRATEFULNESS as an integral part of our approach in life, that one surefire way to transform our lives.  BTW, to be frank and blunt, GRATITUDE is NOT manifested via those very nice THANK YOU notes and even good manners.  NOT the GRATITUDE that reacts, feels indebted OR is solicitous.  Those kind of GRATITUDE are NO less 'transactional'  but are likely conditional, occassional and frankly, fleeting moments💧💧💧

By way of contrast, there is a kind of GRATITUDE that can really permeate every moment and lasting enough.  One that precedes and suffuses everything.  It is NOT only a 'something good happened' GRATITUDE OR 'I got WHAT I wanted'.  Instead, it is an 'I WOKE UP AGAIN TODAY' GRATITUDE and 'I WALKED INTO THIS ROOM ALREADY GRATEFUL'.  YES, it seems and it is a radical GRATITUDE with a 'NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, I CAN STILL FEEL GRATITUDE FOR SOMETHING' attitude.  That kind of radical GRATITUDE invites us to experience our lives as that kind of 'living laboratories' for feeling thankful, and 'FULL' enough, encouraging us to lead even with vulnerability, respect, generosity and YES, authenticity.  In this way, we can learn to live NOT just with GRATITUDE but from it, from that deep well of well-being WHICH never dries up.  And from that place, we easily give, receive and ask for WHAT is needed, all of it GRATEFULLY💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  One thing I realized over and over again is that, without being defensive, one common reason WHY GRATITUDE seems to slip through us is because experiences WHICH grant is GRATITUDE fly through our lives like 'shooting stars', thrilling us BUT disappearing as quickly as it came.  Stumbling blocks of GRATITUDE?  FEAR. DENIAL.  DESPERATION.  ENTITLEMENT.  ENVY.  EXPECTATIONS.  SCARCITY.  Name it.  One too many reasons WHY we overlook geniuine GRATITUDE but these are NO huge bumps to overcome.  Hoping GRATITUDE kicks in💚💛💜

When Generosity Kicks In

 

Think of the last time you were a recipient of an act of kindness [OR GENEROSITY].  HOW did it make you feel?  Did it brighten up your day?  Did you tell someone about it?  Did it inspire you to pass kindness OR GENEROSITY on to someone else?  True, we CANNOT receive an act of kindness OR GENEROSITY and NOT be impacted, right dude?  It is crazier to even think that even those small acts make a difference.  These acts affect the receiver, the giver and anyone WHO witnessed it!!!

Chances are, WHEN you thought of your recent 'gift', it was NOT monetary.  And I have to admit I have been extremely fortunate to have been around many generous people.  And admittedly, my wife is one of the best on this.  And although she is generous in many ways [I remember many times my thoughts of generosity were overriden with her generosity ideas WHICH were many levels way much butter than WHAT I thought of].  YES, I often smile WHEN we face a challenge WHILE she immediately voices the positive aspect we will now get to enjoy.  YES, admittedly, she radiates that positive impact on the people she encounters and leaves that much higher level trail of GENEROSITY💚💛💜

True, I have never known a GENEROUS person WHO stopped being GENEROUS.  Having said that, I regularly see GENEROUS people becoming more and more GENEROUS because it brings them such joy and fulfillment.  And there is a very important lesson on that aspect, and that is, everyone connected to GENEROSITY wins, regardless if you are the recipient, the giver, and anyone else WHO picks up lessons from that act of GENEROSITY.  YES, neither can we deny that a GENEROUS living 'lived in good faith' is an exceptionally wealthy way to live life💥💥💥

Stating the obvious, GENEROSITY can also bring incredible benefits cutting through generations of a family's lineage.  NOT to downplay the billionaire moguls, WHEN they donate tons of monies for a good cause LIKE academic institutions, even as the university buildings and even the college departments are renamed in their honor, his family's next generations will reap its benefits

Our takeaway:  Much as GENEROSITY comes and manifests in different forms and shapes, it behooves that GENEROSITY comes into fruition out of good faith and undoubtedly in the most sincere way.  WHICH irks me WHEN I remember the indemically CORRUPT traditional politicians WHO can go around and purportedly shower his constituencies with tons of monetary help WHEN the real truth is that those budgets come from the government coffers [NOT from their own pockets]. Ouch😡😡😡

Our Two Brains!

 

YES dude, we're truly blessed.  We've got our first brain up there and our second brain somewhere midway.  No need to scour the internet as to WHY our gut is tagged as our second brain.  Even AI is a very strong proponent as to WHEN to trust our GUT INSTINCTS.  NOT a long list for us to have another 'super-lame inexcusable excuse' that we've got NO time to spare?  C'mon dude!@#$%?

WHEN it comes to one's SAFETY, that comes as 'primus inter pares', first amongst equals in fact.  Verily true, more often, taking a 'deep read' of our GUT INSTINCTS is challenging even under the most normal circumstances.  LIKE WHEN we just CAN'T explain things WHY a certain situation, person OR location seems unsafe for us to get into.  On the other hand, let us think a hundred times because that instinct can protect us as it triggers the signaling of those subtle cues💧💧💧

I remember that 9/11 narrative WHEN the life of United Airlines Flight Attendant Elise O'Kane was spared WHEN her supposed UA flight crashed into the World Trade Center.  Her miss?  There was that scheduling glitch in the UA system BUT WHEN she got hit with that glitch wherein she got booked to another domestic flight instead, she decided and opted NOT to raise a howl [and NOT even a whimper], NOT to anyone in the UA organization.  Oh God, that spared her life💚💛💜

Sneaking into the relevant science, we are told that communication between our brain and GUT is in fact a bidirectional process that, besides efferent connections, it also involves afferent pathways that carry information from the gastrointestinal tract to the central nervous system [CNS - as pictured on the left].  Somehow, that complex afferent communication system provides our brain with integrated information on our GUT function and in that task, the GUT-BRAIN axis contributes to interoception, a process that enables our brain to 'know' the internal state of our own body, aligning it to our mental activity💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  In the simplest layman's terms, WHEN do we NOT ignore our GUT INSTINCTS?

WHEN our personal safety seems to be 'on the line'.

WHEN we're sick and unwell, just NEVER ignore it at all.

WHEN we feel distrusting someone with a scary red flag

WHEN important life decisions will kick in, take stock of it

WHEN CHANGE is needed, after getting stalled sometime

WHEN excitement spikes, it may be an opportunity aligning either with your purpose, priorities OR needs in life

YES dude, we've got TWO BRAINS💚💛💜

Increasing Our Value?

 

A couple of times I asked this same question to different people:  "HOW DO YOU INCREASE YOUR VALUE?" Instantly, they responded back and alas, their responses were aligned based on one wrong assumption, i.e. that is, they took my question literally, WHICH means, WHEN they heard "VALUE", they considered those pecuniary $$$$$$ considerations [WHICH was NOT the context of my question].  So, I reframed my question so that they DON'T take it literally.  And that's WHEN I did observe they started to 'crack their brains', sort of💥💥💥

In short, setting aside all the material and financial things in life, HOW DO WE INCREASE OUR VALUE [as a person]?  BTW, I did NOT concoct that question because I was asked that same question as well [and I made the mistake of assuming that I had to take that question literally].  After soul-searching, I thought I can INCREASE MY VALUE by revisiting those intangibles, those attributes that has got nothing to do with material things BUT instead, as a reflection of oneself💚💛💜

HOW about in those moments of disagreement, can we stand pat without disrespecting others?

HOW about honoring our commitments [to a 'T'] to earn that reputation of being reliable?

HOW about encouraging others to improve and help them grow even either as a person OR as a worker?

HOW about valuing peopl's efforts, not just outcomes?

HOW about NOT reacting to everything, if not needed?

On a more positive note, wholeheartedly believing in yourself that you're capable of achieving things realistically, that will likely be your catalyst towards your road to success, YES you can even call it your road to redemption, if you may.  And YES do acknowledge that there is only one barrier along the way and that is YOU yourself.  WHICH means, you gotta remove that barrier😡😡😡

Our takeaway: Through the years, I always believe that we ourselves are capable to break that glass ceiling up there.  BUT WHAT is quite exasperating is WHEN I hear someone blurt with self-defeating statements like "THAT'S HOW FAR I CAN GO?" That's no different WHEN one says "OH NO, I'M NOT GOOD IN MATH!"  Oh Oh Oh, this brings me back to what I said awhile back that the only barrier along the way is our own self.  Let us clear that barrier ASAP, dude!!!

Fence-sitting In Life!

 

Supposedly, there is NOTHING wrong with FENCE-SITTING.  WHEN probably you're resting OR relaxing.  BUT in life, FENCE-SITTING gives us a totally different dimension. From a layman's perspective, FENCE-SITTING means withholding your judgment OR opinion until you have firmed up as to WHETHER you agree OR not with a particular situation that requires a decision.  In fact, FENCE-SITTING is usually a good idea until you are informed enough to come up with an informed decision.  Moreover, it is possible you can take both views to be mistaken OR inadequate BUT complementary and at the same time, there is a meaningful sense in WHICH the above expresses something similar.  YES, FENCE-SITTING in life can be tricky at times💥💥💥

Let's face it.  In life, indecisions are a fact of life, and it can be quite a 'lonely' decision OR even a plain situation.  BUT admittedly, if you ask me, by default I am a FENCE SITTER until such time I breach my own self-imposed self-timer.  And WHEN I'm a FENCE-SITTER, it is NOT because of my lack of conviction OR courage to take a stand BUT most of the time [I'll say 99%] of the time it is because I'd like to see, read and understand both sides of a story and weigh things😌😌😌

Before I would hear a chorus of "I TOLD YOU SO", allow me to caution you that FENCE-SITTERS get a bad rap BUT being a FENCE-SITTER does NOT mean avoiding to make decisions OR even vascillating to take either side OR choice to agree OR disagree.  BUT it's NOT about waffling OR dodging solutions either.  Instead, WITHOUT being defensive, it is about thoughtful contemplation and evaluating all available information thoroughly before committing to a particular stance of an issue OR a situation.  YES, WHILE that may give one a semblance of being indecisive, it can be a strategic way of ensuring that you will eventually come up with an informed decision💥💥💥

The problem arises WHEN we end up so cozy and comfy being a FENCE-SITTER to the extent that you end up buying time way beyond WHAT is reasonably justifiable.  True, we may seem wishy-washy BUT in a world WHERE everyone has an opinion OR even a theory WHICH they seem so certain to be true enough quick decisions are often valued over thoughtful ones and FENCE-SITTERS are the ones WHO ensure that every angle is sufficiently considered.  True, by straddling the fence, we can avoid the pitfalls of unconscious biases that cloud judgment.  YES, we strive for objectivity WHICH is essential in making fair and balanced decisions✅✅✅

Our takeaway:  NOT to downplay the worthiness of this thread BUT simply put, if FENCE-SITTING is more apt and more ok, by default, that is applicable to political views and corporate decisions.  Other than those exceptions, it behooves that we should NOT embrace FENCE-SITTING as a default BUT in life, time is of the essence.  Even if you're grappling with domestic decision-points at your home, you can only buy time so much BUT establish a threshold WHICH you yourself should embrace and commit to.  YES dude, FENCE-SITTING IN LIFE is really it😡😡😡