Clarity Helps [A LOT]!

 

One oh-so boring topic very rarely discoursed, if at all, is CLARITY.  For many of us, CLARITY is just one of the one too many moving parts that is NOT worth talking about because the pervasive misconception is that CLARITY is and will never be a needle-mover or even a game-changer.  BUT the undeniable fact is that it really is a needle-mover and a game-changer.  We can go on and on with iterations of all possible scenarios and I'll pose this simple question:  IF THINGS ARE LESS CLEAR ENOUGH, WILL YOU STILL ACHIEVE THE SAME RESULT💚💛💜

NOT to gloss over OR hype CLARITY, we can rattle one setting after another and I can tell you right straight to your face that without CLARITY, goals may NOT materialize, plans may NOT come into fruition, initiatives may NOT succeed, relationships may fumble and eventually flounder and fail, business ventures may NOT achieve the pre-set targets, and yes, even one's health may fail with no CLARITY!!!

I rattled all these scenarios because I was like seated at the front seat WHEN I did bear witness to all these floundering, foul ups and failures in fact.  At work and in business, this is an ingredient that should be defined crystal-clear up front.  If there is no clear alignment from amongst the stakeholders and down the line of the work force, a potential disconnect will continue to haunt us down the road.  Relationships can be dissected at a unique dimension because generally, we feel there is enough CLARITY between couples and partners.  BUT NO dude, as it has been proven time and again, one can woo and court his/her eventual partner and spouse in life BUT they WONT really get to know each other deep enough way beyond the surface NOT until they live under one roof and be constantly together most of the time💥💥💥

Common question here:  Can we push that need for CLARITY at the backburner and tackle it down the road.  Obviously we can always say, YES by all means BUT that is a highly risky approach to take.  It's very akin to taking on a vehicle, steering it forward BUT there is NO clarity with your end-point destination and even the pit-stops were NOT even pre-determined.  HOW can you finalize your execution plan, including provisioning and budgeting time and all the resources needed?  WHAT IF you tackle CLARITY on the fly?  YES dude, you can BUT it could be a case of a TOO LITTLE TOO LATE📙📘📗

Our takeaway:  Let us NOT gloss over and give little value to the not-so-obvious need for CLARITY in every pursuit we get engaged in life even if it's NOT perceptible on the surface.  Giving lip service to the need for CLARITY is even one of the root causes of gaps that leads to arguments before it worsens as full-blown conflict.  If there something that scares me, it is that post-mortem finger-pointing, passing the blame and fault for fiascos and failures.  YES dude, CLARITY HELPs [and it helps a lot]😗😗😗

Those Noises In Life

 

Those NOISES IN LIFE, from where are they coming from?  Tough question.  Any guesses?  YES dude, those NOISES IN LIFE do come from everywhere and BTW, one of its very sources are from within us, our own selves either WHEN we are so self-conflicted OR even maybe simply overthinking.  Think about it, if the decibels of those NOISES outside our own selves are obviously way beyond manageable, those NOISES from within us are WHAT we can manage and even control💜💛💚

YES, it's a fact that some of us do face those sensory processing challenges and NOT surprisingly, those challenges can create that impact in our everyday life.  WHETHER we take things literally OR figuratively, our own sensitivity to NOISE can make things hard for us to filter out those unimportant ones versus the valid and legitimate ones.  Imagine stepping into a room with 20 of your friends and WHEN you toss an idea, expect 20 versions of opinions💥💥💥

I heard this sage advice many times from just one too many sources but it tells us that we need to optimize our brain for us to be success-driven, we are counselled to reduce excessive and negative NOISE.  BUT HOW?  Let's step back a bit.  Researches say that on average, our brain receives 11 million bits of information per second from the environment.  Now, hold your breath.  Do we know WHAT's our capacity to process?  Yes dude, DON'T fall off from your seat because we can only process 40 bits of information per second😡😡😡

SO HOW? Experts encourage us to train our brain to notice more of the POSITIVE NOISES around us.  And this could be a huge challenge for us [and it was too challenging for me in the past too] because this means we need to either ignore OR dismiss a huge chunk of unnecessary information a.k.a. NOISE NOT only those hovering around you BUT even those internal NOISES within us.  SO HOW?  Experts advise us to "BLOCK OUT" those NOISES as early as the point WHERE we perceive it NOT to be worth it!!!

Our takeaway:  Translating all counsellings into our layman's terms, allow me to share my 2-cents:

• RECOGNIZE NOISES as early as possible.  If you miss this out early on, this could be a HUGE MISS
• Some NOISES may NOT be necessary.  Like if there is a breaking news of an earthquake in a far flung province of Myanmar, would you like to retain the name of that province?  Unless you intend to pitch in and help the victims out there?
• Those HYPOTHETICALS, there are one too many of those "WHAT IFs" LIKE WHAT IF it rains, WHAT IF there is a typhoon and those WHAT IFs never end

Those NOISES IN LIFE, let's be more wary dude!!!

Go For A 'CLUTTER-Free' Life [Where Possible]

 

YES YES yowww, can we go for a CLUTTER-free life [as much as it may be feasible and possible]?  Unfortunately, more often than NOT, WHEN we hear DECLUTTER, often it is assumed to pertain OR refer to organizing and/OR getting rid of some belongings in our homes, and at times, it all starts from our bedroom, our desk, our closet. BUT no dude, DECLUTTERING is way beyond clearing through stuffs at home, personal items, kitchen stuff and everything at your homes.  Doing and infering to that literal interpretation can be huge miss we can be guilty of [WHICH can happen in good faith].  Verily frankly, DECLUTTERING starts from our own persona, from within, our internals, our mindset, our habits, our discipline and even our approach in life.  And if we rattle those off, combining it all can be as huge and as enormous as the Milky Way OR even the solar system💚💛💜

As the old cliche goes, a journey of a thousand steps starts with one small step.  So, can we self-reflect and ask ourselves some frank and inquisitive assessments:

• HOW do we live life?  Do you look around before you move?  Do you think of WHAT others might react [behind your back even it's NOT their business]?
• HOW genuine is your helping hand?  WHAT motivates you to extend a help?  Is it because you're affiliated in a non-profit OR church-affiliated organization?
• HOW's your self-discipline?  Before you crack the whip like a stern taskmaster, do you have double-standards between yourself and others?

BTW, please DON'T get me wrong.  I'm NOT trying to be EXTRA hard on our own selves.  Because again, DECLUTTERING is way beyond ourselves.  Let's assess our associations and affiliations.  Are you often in the company of people WHOSE interests [and even ethics and discipline] are NOT aligned with WHAT is prim and proper?  As that one-liner goes, TELL ME WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE, I'LL TELL YOU WHO YOU ARE.  Nope dude, I DON'T mean you should dissociate yourself from your circle of friends now because that's your choice BUT think about it before you get innocently drawn to an aggrupation OR circle of friends WHOSE interests [and even values] may be aligned with yours because at times, we DON'T mean to go astray BUT we still end up astray, sometimes out of our sheer innocence😌😌😌

Now, let's move to your goals and plans in life.  Are you having one too many pre-set goals in life such that your head sometimes spin out of sheer dizziness?  Probably, you're in a situation WHERE you're attempting to take things more than WHAT you can chew and digest.  Nothing wrong being overly ambitious [because I was there in the past, quite several times] BUT think about it, are your goals and plans one too many that's now akin to CLUTTER.  Think about it dude💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  NOT to meddle into your personal domain, take time to revisit the way you've been doing your decision-making in your personal life.  I did bear witness to folks WHO, before coming up with a decision, will consult his partner/spouse, his parents, his in-laws and sometimes even relatives and friends.  Rightfully, one is NOT breaking any laws for that kind of decision-making BUT that's a setting WHERE we would strongly encourage that you consider DECLUTTERING your decision-making process.  Fact is, the shortest distance between two points is a straight line [and NOT a hypothenuse].  YET, let's figure it out.  WHEN you have to consult 5 to 10 people before you come up with a personal decision, ISN'T that one too many to consider?  UNLESS it's a life-changing decision like getting married OR abandoning one's vocation as a priest and those outliers WHICH are few and far in between😡😡😡

'LET IT BE' In Life!

 

Nope sirrrrs, I'm NOT trying to relive and reminisce the Beatles' all-time hit LET IT BE.   HOW often do we want to control OR at least influence things?  Surely, that happens many times everday, whether it's at your home, your business OR even @workplace.  I'll be the first one to admit that although I am NO control-freak, many times I wish to had at least an influence on either/and or its progress.  BUT sometime in the past, I thought I've spent the better part of my life trying to get things in control [WHEN I CAN'T, ouch!].  BUT NOT to be defensive, many times, our tendency to control things emanates from something much deeper.  LIKE WHEN I was a kid, I want to play more and enjoy things.  LIKE WHEN I was in high school, I was looking forward to college.  LIKE WHEN I graduated, I wanted a plum job no less💧💧💧

And even for the most diehard fans of The Beatles, my frank question is, do OR did they really take the lyrics seriously, by heart?  Maybe yes for some BUT I doubt even among the plurality.  And I was guilty of this in the past as well.  LIKE WHEN I just CAN'T accept the fact WHEN I failed.  LIKE WHEN I blamed myself WHEN I didn't hurdle a job interview for a juicy corporate role I dreamt💚💛💜

LIKE WHEN you left no stone unturned in wooing the girl of your dreams and YET you were spurned again and again.  WHY CAN'T we LET THAT BE IT?  LIKE WHEN we're finally in a relationship but after perennial arguments that worsened as full-blown wars, WHEN your partner walks away, WHY CAN'T we LET THAT BE IT???

LIKE WHEN here you are, an aspiring and budding entrepreneur BUT your business ventures flops upside down, pushing your financials to the lowest point?  WILL you find another investor OR source out another loan WHEN all the results point that your strategy and execution just DOESN'T and DIDN'T fit to a 'T'.  WHY CAN'T you LET IT BE then❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  This may sound poetic BUT WHY CAN'T we LET LIFE FLOW akin to the waters finding its way from the mountains down to the springs, streams, creeks and rivers until it reaches the mouth towards the open seas?  And our stumbling blocks to LET THINGS BE?  That sense of entitlement WHICH makes us believe that something is ours, WHATEVER it takes.  WHY force ourselves on something we have proven that it just CAN'T be ours dude😡😡😡

I'll Tag This As 'LABYRINTHs Of LIFE'

 

Even as I grabbed this poster, allow me to tweak it as the LABYRINTHs OF LIFE.  WHY?  Because, as defined by Mr Webster and AI, it is a "complicated irregular network of passages" BUT I think life CAN'T be as simple as that.  We all live a life with multiple LABYRINTHs, so complicated to end up with networks of convoluted and entangled LABYRINTHs often leading us to a worst bedlam we least expect!@#$%?

And when do we find ourselves stucked OR stalled in those LABYRINTHs?  Many times we're right in the midst of it especially WHEN things are triggered by the ironies in life.  LIKE WHEN we stumble across quite nosey and probing folks WHO ironically will be the first to 'cry wolf' if your body language will be suspected as over-stretching your curiosity by prying across the fence?  LIKE WHEN you bear witness to an over-bearing person WHOSE presence pushes everyone to the background only to find out he is no less a hollowed version💥💥💥

As this poster goes, LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL.  Not until a monkey wrench gets thrown upon you.  WHAT happens next may not be far different from bedlam.  YES, those ironies in life lead us to more LABYRINTHs than ever.  LIKE you thought someone so articulate is the right voice to heed and follow only to realize that that was no less than a hollowed spiel and worst, disinformation.  LIKE you thought someone is a legitimate authority weilding the credibility you thought as 'legit' enough❎❎❎

BTW, irony is no mere figure of speech.  It is a reality we bear witness almost on a day-to-day basis.  NOT to downplay the normal 'good faith' of being noisy and even sometimes over-bearing BUT from my vantage point, generally, WHEN we do engage and interact with the 'noisy' folks, we may have to be more discerning and accepting hook, line and sinker may NOT be appropriate at all.  Please DON'T get me wrong as there will be outliers, those folks WHO by their nature are 'noisy' enough BUT at times, even the most braggadocious can be a legitimate one.  Just need to be more discerning😒😒😒

Our takeaway:  Verily true, many of us are truly blessed to have the well--meaning friends, folks WHO you can seek refuge in times of turmoil BUT without encouraging you to be cynical, it still pays to be judicious enough especially if you happen to be associated with 'fair weather friends' because WHEN bad weather hits you, you may find yourself alone and forlorn.  Dude, let us sharpen our awareness and consciousness with all these LABYRINTHs OF LIFE😡😡😡

When It's Worth To 'ROLL THE DICE'

 

Peaks and valleys, the UPs and DOWNs, they all come and go in life.  So, WHEN IS IT WORTH TO ROLL THE DICE? Good question with no single correct answer to it.  We could end up running an iteration because of those multiple WHAT IFs in life.  With so many moving parts in the equation of life, it could be mind-boggling no less because WHETHER you ROLL THE DICE as early as possible OR after a quarter of the way OR midway OR towards the final quarter of your journey, you need to factor-in one too many variables.  Having said this, we can simplify this huddle without over-simplifying it lest we end up in a self-inflicted trap👎👎👎

BTW, let's take things literally for now if we're using the dice as an example.  Assuming we have a standard six-sided dice, the odds of rolling a particular value are 1/6 and there is that equal probability of rolling each of the numbers 1 to 6.  BUT WHAT IF we have 2 dices?  the odds are NOT as simple as it seems.  Swinging back to our life, do we say that life has 6 dimensions and that's all?  NO WAY JOSE.  Much as things are finite enough, our life has many more sides and dimensions than any of those dices rolling out💥💥💥

Back to the question:  WHEN DO WE ROLL THE DICE?  The long and short of it is that, generally, it becomes one's judgment call.  WHEN you are driver steering the wheel from the time you ignited and started your journey, generally you would have a good feel as to WHEN will you go full throttle.  And if there is a hump down the road, that's WHEN you go back to the drawing board and do an apples-to-apples comparison of ALL your options!!!

I did bear witness multiple times WHEN people did ROLL THE DICE and the end result was showing that they did a fumbling act?  WHY and HOW?  You might wonder, you thought it all hinges on one's judgment call?  YES and YES dude, it still on one's judgment call BUT one's judgment call must NOT stand on sands OR worst, on shaky grounds.  One has to come up and reach an informed decision for the best timing to ROLL THE DICE.  The thing is, DON'T ROLL THE DICE as if you're in one of those gaming tables at the Las Vegas strip❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  WHILE I am no expert in counselling, these are the very tenets I have embraced all throughout my decision-making phases in life:

• DON'T ROLL THE DICE out of pressure
• DON'T ROLL THE DICE with a gambling mindset
• DON'T ROLL THE DICE because you're keen on it
• DON'T ROLL THE DICE because you've got to do it
• DON'T ROLL THE DICE NOT as an informed decision
• DON'T ROLL THE DICE because you want to take a risk

Bottomline, ROLLING THE DICE doesn't mean you've to play the high-roller's game😡😡😡

That Massive Chasm Between WANTING & CAPABILITY

 

Everyone has his overflowing and sometimes endless WANTS, right? And that desire is nothing to snide because everyone has his rights, right?  You might wonder then, WHERE'S THE BEEF here?  YES, it's that massive chasm between our WANTs vis-a-vis our CAPABILITIES.  And I guess this is way beyond any debate OR argument because every adult needs certain CAPABILITIES to get and keep a job, to provide responsive care for one's family, managing one's household and contributing productively.  You might wonder, WHAT happens WHEN those needed CAPABILITIES are not honed or acquired?  YES, we've got to pay the price for such shortfalls.  BUT let's NOT get embroiled with zillions of CAPABILITIES because that's one too many to handle.  Instead, let's zero-in on the very LIFE SKILLs because these are the very factors that may make OR break us💥💥💥

BUT before some of us get scared, LIFE SKILLS is NO rocket science.  Any skill that is useful in life can be considered a LIFE SKILL, and that's a CAPABILITY.  Broadly speaking, our LIFE SKILLS capability is usually unique  amongst us all because each of us have our own list of SKILLS we consider as most essential in our life.  Someone living in a remote rural community might put driving a car high on their list of essential skills while a New Yorker OR Londoner would probably rank that pretty low.  WHY DON'T we dice and drill!!!

Broadly speaking, our CAPABILITIES should never just gloss over these key areas:

• Decision-making & problem-solving SKILLS
• Creative thinking & critical thinking SKILLS
• Communication & interpersonal SKILLS
• Self-awareness & empathy
• Assertiveness & equanimity
• Resilience Resilience Resilience

It's very true that domain areas require those specialist SKILLs that become the very core of our CAPABILITIES but those are specialist SKILLs whereas these 6 MUST-HAVEs were the result of a combined research by the United Nations agencies namely WHO, UNICEF and UNESCO.  And this list should be the least of our surprises because these are generalist SKILLS everyone recognizes as important and the same ones that many people pursue even with life coaches😐😐😐

Our takeaway:  Much as we recognize that it is those specialist skills that seemingly catapult us to the peak and zenith of our successes in life, let us NOT downplay the value and criticality of those generalist skills because as they form the very core of our foundational layers, we can aptly claim that you will be hard pressed to scale up many notches unless and until you have these very core CAPABILITIES.  Ignore the core CAPABILITIES and the likelihood is you could probably suffer not just isolated cases of shortfalls BUT likely more than less.  WHY?  It all boils down to this massive chasm between our WANTING vis-a-vis our CAPABILITIES.  Take your pick dude!!!

When Do We 'FLIP THE NARRATIVE'?

 

NARRATIVEs.  So, WHEN DO WE FLIP IT? BTW, as a baseline, can we agree that we all live now in a world awash with 'FAKE NEWS'?  On the other hand, some sources have been quite smart as to coin 'ALTERNATIVE FACTS' without misleading OR even masking the truth.  YES, verily true, the stories we tell ourselves do matter, really.  They make a difference in HOW we think about WHO we are and the way we even structure our lives.  YES, they do affect the paths we blaze and those we follow.  Our stories inform every sigh and every tear and that can keep us afloat down the road💚💛💜

True, those stories about us are so fundamental to WHO we are, are based upon just some of the facts from our complex lives.  YES, we are our very stories, no doubt.  BUT here's the catch.  We are much more than that too.  BUT how often do we miss out those fleeting opportunities to FLIP THE NARRATIVE?  We tend to hold fast to facts that are absolutely true and at times, we tend to weave these truths into a story that is somehow less than true, ouch💥💥💥

Along the way, everyone of us at some points in life do get broken, at times falling flat on our face.  BUT we are more than just that too.  At times, the narratives we tell ignore HOW brave we've been OR how resourceful, HOW funny OR HOW wise.  And at times, our stories neglect the healing and growth that is possible and that we continue to be just breathing❌❌❌

Surely, most of us did hit those lowest points in life.  And likely, that's WHAT triggered you to FLIP THE NARRATIVE.  BUT hold on.  Do you really need to wait to hit that lowest point for you to FLIP THE NARRATIVE?  The common reason [a.k.a. alibi] I would hear is that that was trigger point.  Seriously?  WHY did we have to wait to hit the lowest point so that the trigger will cause you to FLIP THE NARRATIVE???  You might ask, WHAT's the hard lesson that we should be picking up?  Plain and simple.  DON'T wait to hit the lowest point for you to FLIP YOUR NARRATIVE❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  WHILE I will never claim to give expert advice [because I can be as novice as you are as a professional coach], I did learn my lessons the hard way in the past.  So WHAT's our FIX?  In your life journey towards achieving your pre-set goal, establish thresholds because that becomes your trigger point.  Clear example here, if I have a goal to achieve in 12 months, rightfully, sometime around 6 months down the road, at the very least, I should have progressed roughly 50% [OR even more] BUT if midway in your ballgame, you've progressed to only around a paltry 20-30%, that's the threshold that should be the trigger point for you to FLIP THE NARRATIVE.  Think about it dude, where possible, avoid getting into that TOO LITTLE TOO LATE conundrum😡😡😡

That 'COMPARISON TRAP'

 

One too many TRAPS in this world indeed BUT way before Google Chrome's INCOGNITO function was even conceptualized, that COMPARISON TRAP has been running in INCOGNITO mode for the longest time now.  And if you're as innocent as the new-born infant to ask if there are COMPARISON platforms?  DON'T look farther than social media.  OR if you want to travel back in time WHEN there was NO internet, we can reminisce those times WHEN we would hear from our parents and mentors that we should be LIKE THIS and LIKE THAT because he/she is a successful scientist, doctor OR an outstanding professional reaping so many laurels in his field💚💛💜

Swinging back to social media, we can find profiles so damn impressive of folks appearing to lead a charmed life, an executive at work and WHEN on a holiday in Europe, taking pictures in the most popular tourist spots!  Oh YES, even for people up close with someone, that person might also have a family of good and great standing up front.  BUT HOW can we be so sure that that person internal view of life is much darker.  WHAT IF that person is perenially obsessed and so locked in with that COMPARISON TRAP???

YES, that's the inevitable TRAP we will end up.  Try maintaining that highly visible profile in social media and then, your other FB 'friend' starts posting more impressing globe-trotting updates.  Then that leads you to feeling so down, so obscured, so 'nothing' all because your FB "friend's" posts are garnering tons of comments and HIGH FIVEs.  WHERE does that drive you to?  IF you end up COMPARING yourself with your FB friend on the basis of MORE likes, MORE comments, MORE followers, you're doomed stalled dude💥💥💥

YES, undoubtedly, those COMPARISON TRAPS will drive oneself's ambivalence about LIFE's choices, LIFE's decisions, LIFE's outcomes.  BUT does that make sense?  WHICH reminds me of a quite controversial research WHICH loudly 'proclaims' that measuring oneself against others is akin to a 'modus operandi' of our human mind [although in some way, it could be somehow helpful].  True, the inspiration we may feel about someone else's achievements can rev up our own self-motivation BUT that's about all❌❌❌

Our takeaway:  Awhile back WHILE scribbling this blog today, I overheard my wife's smartphone playing out louda priest's sharing questioning WHY do we need to COMPARE yesterday with today? WHY CAN'T we be thankful that we're very much alive, health and kicking today?  Then enjoy every tick of the clock, even smelling the flowers, appreciating the aroma of your daily morning coffee?  Think about it, there are more DOWNSIDEs than UPSIDEs to that COMPARISON TRAP.  Can we just cut and cut clean from that COMPARISON TRAP dude😡😡😡

Does Mental Toughness Matter?

 

Before I get flagged down for infringement into I.P. rights, allow me to acknowledge grabbing this photo from Linkedin [3 Mental Toughness Myths and Much More].  BUT other than this photo, our contents for today's thread is mine no less.  And rather than re-do things, allow me to quote AI's definition of MENTAL TOUGHNESS as the ability to stay resilient focused and confident WHILE persistently pursuing goals despite challenges, pressures and setbacks!!!

Indeed, mental toughness may seem so limited to our mental aspect but across all disciplines, experts are one in categorically stating that MENTAL TOUGHNESS is just too all-encompassing because it combines resilience, emotional control and even adaptability to thrive even in the worst ever challenges we may face💥💥💥

For alignment, MENTAL TOUGHNESS comes in multifarious forms and shapes.  So, WHILE there is no singular definition as to WHAT it means, it should be comfortably safe to link MENTAL TOUGHNESS as an extension of our resilience.  As such, MENTAL TOUGHNESS encompasses cognitive, emotional and even behavioral skills that enable individuals, couples and groups to endure adversity WHILE adapting and growing from within💚💛💜

Let's dice and drill being MENTALLY STRONG versus MENTAL TOUGHNESS.  True, a strong-minded individual can be unyielding OR fixed in their outlook.  On the other hand, WHEN someone is mentally strong and adopts that strong mindset, they are confident in WHO they are and their abilities, adopting that growth mindset that would support us rather than fixating on obstacles along the way😡😡😡

Our takeaway:  Through the years, I've witnessed first hand people WHO had all the resources in life, folks WHO were kind of 'positioned at the runway, ready to takeoff' BUT aborting the takeoff that was next in line, all because that MENTAL TOUGHNESS suddenly softened, suddenly weakened in the face of surging challenges.  WHAT this tells us is that even WHEN we're about in that 'TAKEOFF' mode at the runway, that does NOT guarantee that your TAKEOFF won't get aborted for reasons becayuse your MENTAL TOUGHNESS suffered an impactful hit.  Our FIX?  Reinforce  your inner strength to further strengthen your MENTAL TOUGHNESS.  No other way dude👆👆👆