Lessons Learnt Late [Ouch, BETTER LATE THAN NEVER!]

 

Verily true, there are tons and tons of LESSONS LEARNED in life but as the old cliche goes, BETTER LATE THAN NEVER, right?  I DON'T need to look farther than the corporate life I have had through the years.  NOT that I regret it at all.  On the other hand, I remain enormously grateful I spent the best years in the corporate world.  BUT ironically, would you believe, even as we speak now, I am learning tons of lessons, very much late in life.  BUT rest assured, we DON'T intend to rattle that off in this blog, lest we will end up burning the midnight oil to cover the whole nine yards💥💥💥

If there's one key thing I learned positively [before we go over to the lessons learnt late], it is the fact that in the corporate world, I can vouch over and over again that performance is rewarded, by and large.  And if it happens you are at the 'right place at the right time', such rewards can literally be 'rewarding'💚💛💜

BUT, much as rewards in the corporate setting are just too attractive enough to lure anyone else, there's this irony WHEN it comes about to one's indispensability.  Frankly, we all feel good if we seem to seem indispensable, the mother of all ironies is that it inadvertently [more often, NOT intended and premeditated even by my bosses then] functions like a trap, one that prevents one to get promoted, all because, ironically, you're indispensable😡😡😡

And as one progressed in his career path, we CAN'T be blamed if we tend to be constantly optimising for other people's approval.  BUT at some point, that has to ground to a halt.  WHY?  Because we CAN'T hinge on other people's approvals every step of the way.  As long as you're 'delivering the goods' in good faith, rightfully you are at the right place☝☝☝

Our takeaway:  One key realization I am so eager-beaver to share is the fact that there is a marked differentiation between the lessons in school versus the lessons in life is that WHILE in the former, they are served on a platter for us to simply pick it up, down the road, the lessons are often clothed and cloaked for one to exert an effort to uncork it.  BUT uncorking is one.  LEARNING LESSONS is as crucial as uncorking it because before we know it, LESSONS get LEARNT LATE, ouch😡😡😡

YES, Life Is NOT A Sprint!

 

WHO says LIFE IS A SPRINT?  Noooo sirrrrrrs, it is definitely NOT.  True, there were obvious outliers, LIKE I remember WHEN I was taking my own sweet time at the cozy airport lounge, totally forgetting that time was ticking off for the long-haul flight I was boarding.  Whewwwww, I remember I was LIKE huffing and puffing even if I was going through the interconnected walkalators.  BUT other than those outliers, I firmly stand on solid grounds that YES, LIFE IS NOT A SPRINT at all.  WHY do we hear narratives of some folks falling flat on their face?  You're 'spot on' dude, that folk must have been SPRINTING no less📗📙📘

Let's do a quick 'dice and drill' here.  WHAT sets apart SPRINTS and MARATHONS?  Simple, simple dude.  With SPRINTS, it's akin to have all your cylinders in full throttle.  Those times WHEN I was on a long-drive and I had to overtake a slew of vehicles, sometimes, 20-wheeler trucks all in one go.  Those were times WHEN I had to give my 'all out'💚💛💜

From an infusion perspective, there's a super-huge difference WHEN comparing SPRINTS and MARATHONs.  WHEREAS in SPRINTS, you've got all your cylinders 'on fire', in MARATHONS, you've got to pace yourself, reserving your energy, your fuel for the long-haul.  With that famous Boston Marathon, I've heard of marathoners WHO would breeze past throngs of runners only to find themselves 'eating dust' towards the last mile OR so.  WHY?  Simple.  They DIDN'T pace themselves well enough OR if they did, their pacing was just totally way off the mark.  Such narratives happen over and over again our life.  Bright students in school WHO doggedly work right on Day-1 of classes only to falter towards that crucial 'last lap' because other competitive students reserved their energies for the last lap as well💥💥💥

It's true, sometimes we hear cliches that OPPORTUNITIES knock only once.  Verily true many times.  BUT again, it hinges on one's perspective.  If you take that opportunity you now have as a 'once-in-a-lifetime' kind of thing, then, go for it.  BUT seriously, how often are there 'once-in-a-lifetime' opportunities?  I guess you can count on your fingers and throughout your lifetime, you will NOT run out of fingers counting it through your pair of hands.  That's the thing.  With human nature, we tend to kind of 'stereotype' opportunities as 'once-in-a-lifetime' stuff WHEN in fact, more often, they are NOT 'once-in-a-lifetime' opportunities at all.  Because down the road, similar opportunities will 'pop up' from time to time☝☝☝

Our takeaway:  Bottomline here is that you've got to finish that race, that marathon of our life.  Do whatever it takes for you to finish that marathon.  Moreover, if you can finish it several notches way ahead of your target-goal, then you're much better off.  As long as we DON'T forget that LIFE IS NOT A SPRINT dude😌😌😌

Is Your Work Your Life?

 

Is YOUR WORK YOUR LIFE?  Better NOT dude! BUT before I get whacked by the workforce [and by companies and organizations], please DON'T get me wrong. Through the decades, I fully embraced my work life, NO IFs, NO BUTs.  WHY?  For the most obvious reasons, e.g. Firstly, it's our means to an end, i.e. our work provides the financial support needed to pay for our food, shelter, home and even life's basic daily needs.  Add to it is funding our passions, hobbies and interests💚💛💜

BUT through the years, even WHEN admittedly I was a 'road warrior' myself, I would hear some vent out in frustration like "I NEVER SEE MY FAMILY".  This is a dilemma exactly as we have reached a point in human history WHERE having a job can mean giving up your favorite activities, downtime and even time with people WHO desperately need you, like your immediate family, amongst others.  Getting all the pieces of your life together LIKE finding the 'right' job, setting boundaries around your personal life and otherwise doing your work is a lifelong endeavor😡😡😡

BUT I have to temper the expectations if one is a damn optimist.  Finding our path in life is a slow and gradual process.  Nothing instant.  Nothing overnight.  And the key is to begin our journey by realizing that every step will be your very own decision, NOT even a decision WHEN you have to 'pass the buck' if it becomes NOT the best decision after all.  And taking responsibility for your life and every aspect of it is our very first assignment, and nothing gets higher than it in the totem pole💧💧💧

Oh Oh Oh, I heard this 'exit clause' many times:  IT WAS NOT MY DECISION!@#$%?  Seriously, that's the problem at our very core.  We tend to put blinders on ourselves so that we DON'T have to ask those hard questionswe are beginning to ask.  YES, we do hurt ourselves by doing so.  The analogy here is that the very first step to getting the life you want is to realize that you are driving your very own car.  You get to and have to make all the decisions.  You CAN'T blame anybody else for your situation OR tell yourself that other people are more powerful than you are💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  All along, the key thing here is to believe that you can accomplish WHAT you set your mind to achieve.  And once you take that step, the way forward becomes much clearer then.  NOW, HOW often do we hear "I AM TRAPPED IN MY JOB"?  Seriously, you and me are NOT trapped in our job.  We are NOT a victim of our own success either.  WHAT do we need then?  Let's find and get more altitude.  And WHEN we drift up to a higher level and see the situation from there, we can realize that WORK IS NOT LIFE!!!

When Things Are GREENER And Less GLITTERY!

 

When Things Are GREENER And Less GLITTERY, it becomes a no-brainer.  WHO does NOT relish and cherish GLITTER in the first place?  I LUV it.  You LUV it.  Everyone LUVs it.  BUT that's about it dude!  Because, in real life, GLITTERs DON'T pop-up everyday!  In truth, GLITTERS may NOT be one-offs BUT save for the scions of the rich and famous.  Instead, GLITTERS come in sparingly.  So, WHEN THINGS ARE GREENER and less GLITTERY, that's WHAT we need to live with💚💛💜

BUT here's a troubling question.  Are we settling in for a lackluster life?  Frankly, I believe in zillions of things BUT one thing you CAN'T swing me back is settling.  WHETHER you are settling for a relationship that DOESN'T meet your needs, a job that DOESN'T light up your soul OR a lifestyle that might NOT even inspire you.  BUT again, here's the trap.  WHAT happens WHEN everyone's doing it?  We've been taught that work ISN'T supposed to be fun, that marriage is hard and that life is about making the best of the cards you are dealt.  YES, somewhere along, we have created a society of settlers complaining about our lives and accepting that this is HOW things are.  Seriously???

Another TRAP we sometimes fall in is the mindset that "MY LIFE IS A-OK"!  Then, you retort further with "WHO AM I TO WANT MORE?"  Depending on HOW you were raised, you may think it's selfish to want more than you have.  You think that by having more money OR wanting more happiness and joy in your life that you're just being ready.  You may even believe that by having more for yourself, you are taking away from those WHO are worse off than you.  Then we start thinking and ask ourselves:  I SHOULD BE HAPPY WITH WHAT I'VE GOT.  To make matters worse, at times, we seem to fear the unknown.  WHILE your life may be a bit lackluster overall, you may find comfort in the monotony of things.  Reaching for bigger and better things that you truly desire could lead you to experiences that are far way outside your own comfort zone and that's scary, dude, to be honest💥💥💥

At times, we [wrongly] think that it seems too late to change.  Up close, I've seen the miserable circumstances of people I know first-hand.  WHEN we have invested so much time and effort in our life, to an extent that you CAN'T fathom making OR initiating a change this late in the game, that traps us.  So, HOW would you restart or reboot?  WHAT then if you fail?  YES, that question can float through your mind and instead of imagining the best possible outcome, we tend to allow our own fears to overwhelm [i'll call it OVERPOWER] our desire.  Until, eventually, you will end up succumbing to the realization that, THIS IS IT [which is NOT the case though] UNTIL you get locked in and bounded by your 'current reality' WHERE every choice you make is based on your current reality and you are stuck in that story.  YES, in your mind there is NO other way.  BUT that's NOT the case dude❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  Think about it.  Maybe, you have forgotten WHAT it feels like to dream?  WHEN you were much younger, WHEN you were feeling unleashed for the first time, you [wrongly] thought that anything was possible BUT as we matured, we seemed to have let go of the wonder and magic of life and instead, we tend to end up focusing solely on WHAT is directly in front of us.  At times, we DON'T even remember WHAT it feels like to be inspired anymore.  We seemed to have let our logical mind guide us to merely surviving.  BUT life has LESS GLITTERS dude😡😡😡

Do We Settle With MORE SMOKE Than FIRE?

 

DO WE SETTLE WITH MORE SMOKE THAN FIRE?  Obviously, NO ONE wants FIRE BUT here's the BUT.  DO WE SETTLE WITH [just] MORE SMOKE?  WHAT is NOT so crystal clear to many of us that literally speaking, SMOKE more than FIRE kills.  And figuratively speaking, in life, the widespread misconception is that those 'FIRES IN LIFE' kill, something that is way off mark because the reality is, SMOKE, more than fire, kills.  That's the harsh truth in fact💥💥💥

Listening from the fireman's best practices, we can as well apply their best practices even in our real life WHERE at times, we [wrongly] fear FIRES more than t.  And WHILE FIRES itself are a scary topic to even discuss, the truth of the matter is that before a situation turns into a real FIRE, there is that billowing SMOKE WHICH by itself presents us the opportunities to 'nip things in the bud' by looking and identifying for the very source of that SMOKE.  In real life, we are counselled to step back, wait for the visibility to improve [in case the billowing SMOKE has really hampered the overall visibility] and then, let's deal only with facts instead of ending up in a state of panic💥💥💥

In life, way before couples divorced, business partners part ways, entrepreneurs rescind contracts and even reaching out for judicial settlement of court cases, the protagonists would have always passed through lots of billowing smoke until the visibility becomes so poor and impaired.  An apples-to-apples comparison here are divorced couples.  Statistics showed that at least 90% of divorces  showed its tell-tale signs of things going offtrack way early before the protagonists finally agreed to cut the umbilical cord.  If we look back at many situations that ended in breakups, divorces, corporate dissolutions and even acrimonious judicial litigations, bad situations could have been addressed for them NOT to turn worse.  And that's WHERE the SMOKE stuff gets into the picture

The thing is, we should never, AS IN, never wait for smoke to turn worse into a fire.  At that point WHEN the situation has worsened, it will take double or triple the efforts expected in the previous bad situation.  WHY wait for things to worsen?  Will bad situations in life dissipate and die a natural death?  Sadly, that will NOT likely happen.  That's akin to a medical condition and you're hoping your illness will be cured without taking corrective action.  Instead, we can guarantee you that if you leave a bad situation AS IS, the likelihood is that it will go down south and just worsen.  Regrettably, I've been there, had that and admittedly, it was bad.  Once you fail to lift your finger, you can be assured that that bad situation will move on to its next phase as a worse situation, with more ramifications staring on you

Our takeaway:  Let us NOT devalue OR worse, ignore SMOKE because more than FIRE, SMOKE could be the major intersection you need to cross and if you take a fatal misstep, it could be fatal enough.  Thing is, let us NOT wait for things to worsen as that only butttresses our case that UNLESS you execute 'quick fix', you might even end up empty-handed, ouch😡😡😡

When Life Gives You Lemons, MAKE LEMONADE!

 

When Life Gives You Lemons, MAKE LEMONADE! Seriously, LIFE gives us lots and lots of wins, both BIG WINs and SMALL WINs.  BUT oooops, it's NOT all about WINs, big OR small.  Some downturns do happen.  In fact and in truth, many downturns happen as much as many WINs happen.  And those downturns can either be bad or challenges that we had to face up front.  Look here dude.  For many countries WHO are blessed to have real legitimate summer seasons, NOT everyday does the sun keep shining and dandy.  There will be gloomy skies from time to time.  Knock on wood, sometimes, natural disasters will get into the way💚💛💜

I remember this poetic one-liner:  WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS, YOU CHOOSE THE RECIPE.  Of course, we're NOT talking about lemons.  We're talking about those unexpected things that happen in our life, especially those unfortunate challenges that get into our way.  And the reality is that uncertainty is one of life's only certainties.  Everything else remains uncertain, ouch.  NO matter how much you plan and prepare, surprises will indeed pop up, some good, some bad, some frustrating, some daunting and even may be that tragic BUT their commonality is coming in unexpected👌👌👌

WHAT happens next WHEN these unexpected things hit us?  It will test us to our utmost limits.  Our sheer determination.  Our dogged pursuit.  Our resilience, character, discipline and focused mindset, all rolled into one.  YES, the bottomline is, it is HOW you respond and/or react to the unexpected situation that you're facing.  Obviously and naturally, it's nice WHEN things go according to plan OR at the very least, in our favor.  YES, sometimes, the stars will align in our favor.  Routines, habits, and structure help us stay healthy, happy and grounded.  BUT imagine if every day unfolded exactly as expected, NO surprises, NO deviations.  YES, life will be no less stagnant, predictable and frankly, dull.  Growth happens in moments of disruption.  It's in the unexpected that we stretch, adapt, and build our resilience, WHICH we need down the road💥💥💥

To share a sampling of my 'down' moments, they're quite a handful in the past.  And YES, frankly, I was at the very edge of the cliff, about to give up 'in a snap'.  If someone will press me for an adjective, I would run out of it because it's beyond superlatives.  BUT without getting bogged down to details, several times in the past, WHAT started as a disastrous situation DIDN'T swing-around overnight in 180 degrees BUT I was able to turn things around as an opportunity.  HOW?  I CAN'T recall a quick-fix.  There was just NO ONE SIZE THAT FITS ALL.  BUT if at all, with sheer determination, I told myself that the situation was unacceptable and I had to turn around things in 180 degrees no less.  And with that mindset, I gradually inched forward in swinging things around😗😗😗

Our takeaway: YES dude, WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS, we always have a choice.  It's NOT something like we are pushed in a corner and our only option left is to give up.  To craft things in a light way, WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS, how about you make a snack OR just have a good laugh and juggle them.  Either way, it's up to you BUT the bottomline is, you've got to wiggle out and extricate yourself out of that quagmire because defaulting and NOT lifting any finger will mean you are giving up, WHICH, by any perspective, remains unacceptable even to a neutral bystander like me.  Dude, WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS, MAKE LEMONADE!!!

That 'NUMBERS GAME'!

 

Sadly and quite terrifying, almost all of us have been driven in life based on the NUMBERS GAME.  MORE accolades.  MORE assets.  MORE honors.  MORE milestone successes. MORE headline-grabbing successes that can reverberate across one's communities and its networks.  BUT, without playing like a 'kill joy', can I vociferously pitch that LIFE is NOT and NOT a NUMBERS GAME all the time.  Because that's a stretch that has gone way too far❌❌❌

It's true, metrices established the baselines.  Metrices kind of embedded goals in concrete.  Much as goal posts have been moved from time to time [even midway of a game], even WHEN such metrices are embedded deep.  BUT WHO is to blame for those metrices?  True, we were schooled based on those yardstick measurements laid down by our mentors.  BUT alas, those metrices started to get propagated across the landscape, to a stretch in fact.  Suddenly, you can define your success BUT there's the NUMBERS GAME!!!

You might retort, WHERE does this us to without the NUMBERS GAME?  Dude, did we bury under the bushel of oblivion the boring word spelled as Q-U-A-L-I-T-Y?  Much as QUALITY gets tagged more for QA disciplines in manufacturing industries, there's been a concerning miss that the very essence of QUALITY has been missed out in our daily lives.  How about QUALITY honors instead of zillion of honors?  And QUALITY job roles instead of prestigious plum roles  And QUALITY successes instead of posting in Meta Facebook and IG one recognition after another.  And QUALITY friendships that are meaningful instead of having 10,000 Meta FB friends and 5,000 followers.  And QUALITY celebrations with instead of frequent celebrations with any Tom, Dick and Harry, all for the sake of having celebrations.  Just one too many gaps here💥💥💥

Admittedly, I am eating my words now because sometime back, I was very much deeply engaged in that NUMBERS GAME.  Those times WHEN I was part of the global pre-sales & delivery team, anything and everything was driven by the NUMBERS GAME.  Who's to blame then if our KPI's were dictated by the NUMBERS GAME? And WHEN I veered towards managed services and operations, I taught I had wiggled my way out of the NUMBERS GAME until every powerpoint slide I had always reflected those NUMBERS GAME.  It's all SLA's It's all about service improvement.  Throw in QUALITY, then you've got a hodge-podge of NUMBERS GAMEs💚💛💜

Our takeaway:  While it's a reality that many times in our life journey, it's a NUMBERS GAME, let us NOT get hostaged to those NUMBERS GAME every step of the way.  We need to unshackle ourselves from it and take a more QUALITY than QUANTITY mindset.  At the end of the day, I can assure you that you will be remembered more for the QUALITY instead of those NUMBERS GAME😡😡😡

More Than Just BODY LANGUAGE

 

Very often, we are counselled and advised to be cognizant of BODY LANGUAGE, both our and everyone's else.  BUT, WHILE it's true that facial expressions, body posture, gestures, eye movement, touch and even the use of space are the best indicators of BODY LANGUAGE, HOW often are we advised while BODY LANGUAGE often complements verbal communication, HOW strong has been the messaging that unspoken words OR that eerie silence are equally very effective tools to complement those tell-tale signs that help us understand things well☝☝☝

To be brutally frank, WHILE BODY LANGUAGE keeps me alert [and awake, frankly] for those tell-tale signs, I am ten times much sharper and more conscious with eerie silence because to fathom and comprehend that eerie silence could be like playing with Russian Roulette.  Unless one knows a person deep enough inside out, to decipher and understand the eerie silence coming from a person one is NOT very much familiar with would be like reading and understanding any Tom, Dick and Harry.  In that branch of mathematics under probability, reading and understanding empirical data spans from zero [which is IMPOSSIBLE] to one [which is CERTAIN].  This is akin to saying that there is very little room for mistake because it's kind of like hit OR miss💚💛💜

BUT that explains the legitimately pressing reason that we should go way and beyond just BODY LANGUAGE.  Learning the rudiments to understand silence is equally pressing.  To be frank, NOT all people are openly vociferous.  So, that's likely your takeoff point to understand silence.  Is that person really silent by his very nature?  OR did his decibels just nosedived for a reason?  Indeed it's ten times complicated if you're facing a stranger WHERE you hardly have any references to piece together an equation like 1+1=2.  Admittedly, many times in the past, I did engage and interact with a stranger and suddenly, I was faced to decipher and understand that eerie silence.  HOW do we handle that?  Understand the very context therein.  It is imperative to confirm that the two protagonists are on the same page with the context!!!

WHAT happens WHEN we miss out on that 'undelivered' messaging of an eerie silence?  Could be a 'huge divide' between parties no less.  Obviously, HOW can protagonists be on the same page if you DON'T end up correctly 'reading' each other?  I remember getting squeezed in a 'boardroom impasse' because my internal stakeholders were in loggerheads with my external stakeholders.  HOW did things lead to that point?  Hmmm, every time there was a standoff, the meeting got adjourned, ouch😡😡😡

Our takeaway:  There is this other somewhat odd school of thought which espouses that silence is a manifestation of a cool handling of a situation.  I'd say YES and NO, that's like playing Russian Roulette, that's a hit OR miss no less.  So WHAT'S the FIX for that eerie silence?  Keep talking sans the emotions because it is very likely, the other protagonist will eventually react OR speak up.  YES dude, this is MORE THAN JUST BODY LANGUAGE💥💥💥

MLK: You DON'T Have To See The Staircase

 

Dr Martin Luther King, the great American civil rights leader was well quoted:  YOU DON'T  HAVE TO SEE THE WHOLE STAIRCASE, JUST TAKE THE FIRST STEP.  YES YES yowww, that's the thing.  There's one too many staircases that seem so steep, so high, so daunting, so overwhelming like Mount Rushmore OR even Mount Everest.  Even careers in the very rare fields of aeronautics and medical science are roads very least travelled.  So, the question is, are all those overwhelming scenarios indeed so daunting and even frightening to the extent that some of us end up running away from it like headless chickens?  So sorry, the answer may NOT be that straightforward and so simple BUT as the late great American civil rights leader Dr MLK said, YOU DON'T  HAVE TO SEE THE WHOLE STAIRCASE, JUST TAKE THE FIRST STEP💚💛💜

Indeed, WHO WON'T get feel daunted if you're at the ground level and then you look up up up high up to that highest point of your line-of-sight [and sometimes, it's NOT alongside our line-of-sight BUT our imaginary vision].   Even in the field of science and technology WHERE there is a heavy dose of in-depth and long-term research, the initial results are often dismaying and any weaker soul WOULD easily run away and just give up.  Heard of that newbie WHO, upon his induction for the KT [knowledge transfer] suddenly disappears beyond the horizon?  Sounds familiar, right???

Recently in our regional [EMEA Region] operations, we onboarded an experienced line-manager, and obviously, we had exalted expectations from him given his credentials.  Meanwhile, as my wife has been privy of WHAT's going on at my [virtual] workplace/workspace, just a week ago, she gave a NOT so pleasant forecast WHEREIN she anticipated that that new manager will NOT last long and instead, could leave our organization anytime soon.  Lo and behold, 2 or 3 days after her 'Nostradamus-like' forecast, that new manager resigned, admitting that he CAN'T adjust to our pace of work [even in that virtual workspace]❌❌❌

And I CAN'T blame that guy WHO eventually gave up even WHEN he had just landed at the very first step of that staircase.  Probably, he looked up at that very steep staircase and felt just too overwhelmed.  Probably, even before he could successfully complete taking the very first step of that steep staircase, he concluded that he WON'T successfully hurdle that end-to-end lap.  OR probably, I am just NOT privy, I'm wildly speculating that, maybe, he did NOT anticipate to see a staircase to go up BUT maybe, just maybe, he [wrongly] thought that it's a plain sheet of land hardly needing him to lift his foot😡😡😡

Our takeaway:  THAT's the thing.  If you DON'T recalibrate your expectations to WHAT you are going in, you've got a brewing problem right at hand.  It's akin to driving long stretches of remote roads you haven't been to in the past.  Even if you launch your WAZE or cling to GPS to guide you, you would need more than just WAZEs and GPS's.  The thing is, YOU DON'T HAVE TO SEE THE STAIRCASE.  Just take the first step!!!

Voice Matters!

 

Does VOICE MATTER?  To many of us, it does NOT seem to be.  In at least 60 to 70% of gaps that turned to friction and worsening to full-blown arguments, I witnessed that for most protagonists, they would end up oblivious of the decibels ringing up and out from their voice especially in the middle of those intense exchange of opinions that start from sort of calm and cool exchanges leading and later on brewing towards heated exchanges.  Alas, this is one of our human frailties [WHICH I admit I was guilty many times in the past, ouch]💚💛💜

WHAT I personally missed out many times in the past is this undeniable fact:  THAT no amount of decibels can ever win an argument OR worse, a quarrel.  One key lesson I learnt the hard way here is that, even before we should start to understand our protagonist [we're arguing with], let us understand our very own anger.  Once we understand that conflicts begin in the brain, experts claim that from that point onwards, it takes charge of it.  YES, I realized that ANGER s instinctive as it is a natural human response WHEN we do perceive something to be a threat.  Before we know it, it fuels our body to act aggressively.  LIKE we seem to want to shout, slam the door and even [Noooo please] throw anything that is close to you.  Are we at fault then😡😡😡

Experts explain that that is an unconscious and biological response and in that sense, it is NOT necessarily 'you'.  And surprisingly, many studies show that 9 out of 10 times, we humans feel guilty and embarassed in the aftermath when we have emotionally 'blown up'.  And the technical explanation arising from the studies is that it is because we're allowing our base-level instincts to control our responses rather than our conscious mind!!!

This brought me to the realization that by being aware of our emotions and identifying WHEN we're having an ANGRY response, we can and we SHOULD learn to to calm ourself down.  BUT DOESN'T mean ignoring the problem at hand BUT it does mean controlling those aggressive impulses that begin to take over.  In the shortest words, this is us 'taking over' instead of being 'taken over'💦💦💦

Our takeaway:  I also realized that in life, sometimes, we do have some underlying issues WHICH explains WHY ANGER could be a sign of a deeper problem.  Someone just transitioning from a messy divorce.  OR one whose health has been skidding down faster and unexpectedly.  OR one who's been financially struggling.  YES, the harsh reality is that sometimes, ANGER is often linked to anxiety, depression and even past trauma.  Meanwhile, let us enhance our awareness that VOICE MATTERS dude😃😃😃