Are You Your Worst Critic?

Are You Your Worst Critic?

Are You Your Worst Critic?  Often, we're our own worst critic.  When we feel anxious or frustrated, we tend to talk to ourselves more harshly than we'd find acceptable by anyone else.  Harsh statements like 'I blew it', 'I screwed up',  'I miserably failed', 'I fucked up BIG TIME'.  Too bad we seem to wrongly assume that criticism will motivate us to do better.  We become even more of a perfectionist than usual.  Instead of talking to ourselves with self-compassion, we tend to raise our standards for our behavior as a defense against our feelings of DOUBT, ANXIETY or simply utter FRUSTRATION.

How do we deal with this?  From papers and studies I perused, everyone are in unison, that compassionate self-talk is the way to go.  What is it all about?  It starts by using a tone of kindness, recognizing that pain is a universal human experience, taking a balanced approach to our negative emotions that neither suppresses or exaggerates them and expecting yourself to make the best decision, whew!

I myself I got initially lost with self-compassion until I read through studies and they all say that it stars with a GENTLE and SUPPORTIVE NUDGE.  Example, I would ask myself, 'what do I need right now?/  That gives me that flexibility to choose who's most self-compassionate in a given situation.  And then, since sometimes I may be prone to worry and micromanage everything, a message like TRUST THE PROCESS for a while can help me let go.  Other times, greater self-discipline seems to be the kinder thing to do.

How can we get better at compassionate self-talk?  First, control the conversation 'IN YOUR HEAD' and then reframe it positively in a way that feels natural and authentic to you.  When sometimes you tend to be rehashing past decisions, this just tells us to start practicing self-compassion. Another recommended trick is for us to pay attention to what others say that kind of soothes us.  Incorporate what they say into your SELF-TALK.  Hearing their words in your head might help you let go of control and perfectionism.  Listen to your emotions to understand messages you feel better.

What else?  PLAN AHEAD.  Come up with a half-dozen common scenarios in which you think compassionate SELF-TALK would help you make better decisions.  Lastly, never forget to ASK FOR HELP.  Remember your scenarios will be personal to you and if you're stuck, you can tap a therapist [or a friend emotionally skilled enough].  Let's be KINDER TO OURSELVES📌📌📌