Beautiful Mistakes

Beautiful Mistakes    

No sirrrrs, please DON'T get me wrong. I'm NOT pitching the Beautiful Mistakes Billboard hit by the very popular American pop rock band Maroon 5 last year in several virtual concerts despite the pandemic still hovering.  But instead, let us discuss why NOT all mistakes are bad.  In fact and in truth, a lot of our mistakes are beautiful but on the basis of specific conditions.

For many of us, finding out that we made a mistake can feel like a threat to our self-identity.  When that happens, we're likely to act out in ways that undermine us even more such as arguing or blaming others, withdrawing or digging in our heels [which smacks of a hardliner].   So, before you are viewed as either WRONG and arrogant, aloof or unaccountable, you need to get ahead of the situation.  You'll want to talk with whomever you may have impacted your decision.  

When you make a mistake, TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. Say, ' I was wrong instead of an arrogant statement like 'MISTAKES WERE MADE' or 'IT DIDN'T TURN OUT THE WAY I HAD ANTICIPATED'. Reactions like these statements deflect or minimize your personal contribution.  Offer a brief explanation but DON'T MAKE EXCUSES.  Do acknowledge that the mistake you committed had a negative impact on others and be willing to really listen without sounding defensive at all.  Just DON'T interrupt but do apologize.  Tell others what you're doing right now to remedy the mistake and distinguish between the parts that can be fixed or not. 

What even makes things worse is when others are involved.  It's one thing to hold a committed belief, make plans or execute a task that only you know about, and then end up being wrong.  When that happens, you get to reconcile it privately between you and yourself, period.  But when you've shared your convictions with others and rallied the troops to get them on board, and if it

happens that you're wrong, you;re now faced with an 'IDENTITY GRANTING' problem.  You may have seen yourself as a smart cookie but f those around you DON'T, or they did and now they DON'T, that means the identity you chose for yourself hasn't been affirned by others.  Yes please, it's fine to make  Beautiful Mistakes  but do learn lessons PLS✅✅✅

How Do You FEEL GOOD About Yourself

How Do You FEEL GOOD About Yourself

Happy weekend.  I thought our piece today should be relatively light so I'd start off by asking as to How Do You FEEL GOOD About Yourself?  You might ask why is this question worth our time today?  Yes folks because you DON'T need to look far.  Get back to yourself.  When was the last time you blamed yourself?  When were you ever harsh to yourself? Remember that time you passed the buck back to you simply because things went awry when things didn't come true to form?

Dismissing negative thoughts and staying open to other ideas can help guide one's life in a positive direction.  To handle disappointment, it's helpful to learn to process one's feelings then take some kind of action.  Humans will always bump heads, that's for sure.  They key is to respond instead of react.  There will be days that will be better than others.  On those days that go less well, we usually end up being hard on ourselves.  So how do we go about all these?  First, KEEP GOING.  Don't let life's changes throw you off track but remember that most extenuating circumstances are temporary.  Gain more clarify by staying the course.

Second, TRUST YOURSELF.  Believe in your inner resources no matter what and you'll grow from that experience.  I believe that the answers usually lie within and you are probably smart enough to figure out what you need to do.  Give yourself a little time and have patience.  Third, BE FRIENDS WITH LIFE.  Remember that that world is not out to get you and it does NOT punish you.  You do that to yourself and learn to focus on other opportunities or in another direction can give you some perspective.

Fourth, WATCH YOUR THOUGHTS.  Your thinking will be 100 percent positive.  You must learn to dismiss the negative thoughts and stay open to other ideas that will help you move in a positive direction.  Start recognizing negative thoughts and use your mind to quell them.  Fifth, SUMMON YOUR STRENGTH.  Learn to access and direct your strengths to the highest good.  Always believe that your strength and intelligence can help you deal with anything.

Sixth, DON'T WANT TOO MUCH.  As humans, our desires are unsatiable [to the extent that we are driven to become greedy].  Desire can be a powerful motivating tool that wanting something too much can be very painful and very expensive, so DON'T live beyond your means or covet whatever that is unattainable.  Seek your desire but KEEP YOUR INTEGRITY.  Lastly, recognize that disappointment is PART OF LIFE.  Even the most successful people have to deal with disappointment but they have learned how to use it to get to the next level Better to FEEL GOOD About Yourself❗❗❗

How Habits Shape Up

How Habits Shape Up

Back in high school, once I was in a heated but healthy debate with my classmate who insisted that HABITS are inherited and/or replicated from within families.  At one point of our exchange, he did score a point when he amplified that a lazy parent may develop a similarly lazy child.  Or a violent parent will lead a child to be a violent.  So, at one point I did struggle how to counter back what my strong belief How Habits Shape Up

Not until I managed to regroup myself and started to explain that actions repeated over time gradually become HABITS, with a curious life of its own.  Of course, not all HABITS are developed mindfully.  Some HABITS develop unconsciously from internal or external stress.  These tend to be negative or 'maladaptive' HABITS. 

So, how are HABITS really formed?  That question of HABIT formation canbe approached from a perspective or a more subjective and experiential one.  PASSIVE HABITS arise from exposure to things we eventually get used to whereas ACTIVE HABITS are those we develop by repeated intention and efforts.

HABITS as skills can also be seen as a springboard to creativity.  Based on what we can habitually do, we reach new heights as when a jazz musician ingrains the playing of a basic melody then later improvises new and adventurous notes on top of the original theme.  Let's go back that time when we first learned to tie our shoes, the attempts are quite conscious and effortful.  As you practice this skill, it becomes a HABIT.

Another key aspect to habit formation is positive reinforcement or reward.  For an activity to become a HABIT, it helps if it's NOT only repeated often but also positively reinforced.  For those of us who are stuck [till now?], it shouldn't take too much effort to sit down, soul-search and [MAYBE] face the mirror and once for all, cast out and cast off any of our HABITS that are beating us down, drowning us down.  Time to wake up dude❗❗❗

Of BELLS & WHISTLES

Of BELLS & WHISTLES

Is this worth our talking point today?  Of BELLS & WHISTLES?  Me thinks this is a topic that has gone so cold and unnoticed because on the surface, it seems mundane and probably one of the most boring topics ever.  But hold on.  How often do we see BELLS & WHISTLES?  We ourselves how often do we hang BELLS & WHISTLES at various points in our life?

Whether during our growing up years going into early adulthood till we found our footing to be on our own, do we not recall those moments where we need to put up all the niceties in life, those trimmings, those buntings, all to spruce up things and for us or our situation to look more alluring and probably attractice beyond doubt?  

To evoke pomp and come up with pompous events, those BELLS & WHISTLES were the very tools we wpuld tend to grab first.  When we were fresh graduates from school and now job hunting out there in the market, do we remember all the BELLS & WHISTLES we would attach in our CV/Resume to window-dress it?  Which BTW is nothing wrong.  But the issue is often clouded deep beyond our eyes.

The saddest part though is that after all the BELLS & WHISTLES and trimmings we would window-dress either our persona, our character or our life itself, deep inside are SKELETONS in the CLOSET.  Really sad and regrettable.  We would sometimes put up a happy facade but beneath the surface, we are either decaying or not reflective of what we are trying to project.  So what's our lesson here?  Let's be GENUINE and TRUE to ourselves regardless if there are BTW, BELLS & WHISTLES.  Just DON'T put up a farcical facade📌📌📌

Oversized EGO, Anyone?

Oversized EGO, Anyone?

Oversized EGO, Anyone?  But hold on.  Let us look back.  How many conflicts and quarrels that were NOT resolved, all because of EGO?  How many battles and war just spiraled out of control because of EGO?  How many relationships eventually floundered all because of EGO?  How many business enterprises eventually went for bankruptcy simply because of the oversized EGO of the entrepreneur?

People with large egos can be difficult to deal with whether in personal relationships  or in business.  Signs of a BIG EGO include high self-confidence, blindness to personal flaws, focus on oneself instead of others and difficulty seeing other points of view.  Others may find such a person's egotism an annoying trait.  It's worth noting, however, that egotistical behavior does not necessarily indicate narcissism because that is more of a personality disorder instead.

Bragging, boasting and exaggerating accomplishments are common giveaways as well.  Someone with a BIG EGO may be a very skilled person but it's when self-confidence tips into self-absorption that such egotistical behavior can become annoying to others.  Often, people with BIG EGOs are thinking about themselves to the exclusion of others and worse, they need to be reminded to tone down their behavior.  Part of self-confidence is a blindness to one's own FLAWS.  Someone who has a BIG EGO might not be able to see how he/she is impacting others.

According to Harvard Business Review, alpha males tend to have BIG EGOs.  As a result, alpha males tend to have a hard time asking for help or accepting feedback, thinking that they always know best.  Someone with a BIG EGO may have a hard time showing vulnerability and therefore refuse to admit any flaws.  A relationship of trust and communication is required before someone with a BIG EGO can become vulnerable.

A person with a BIG EGO will naturally find himself interesting and tend to focus on himself more than others.  Egotistical people take care of themselves first, making sure they have everything that they want even if it creates disadvantages to others.   Bottom line is, although we can't avoid Oversized EGO, we should be able to handle them before they handle us❗❗❗

Tough To Say 'NO', Is It ?

Tough To Say 'NO', Is It ?

Do you have a hard time saying NO?  Don't hesitate. Here's the truth:  Saying NO is indeed hard.  Let's admit it.  There are ways to say NO but either we feel awkward or just afraid to hurt feelings or relationships.  And sometimes, we're avoiding that GUILT feeling.  But the mother of all question is:  Is it really that Tough To Say 'NO', Is It ?

But with that mindset that indeed it is Tough To Say 'NO', what has that brought up in us?  Problems popping up when there should be none in the first place.  Personal pressure from within, for us to resolve an issue that should not be there in the first place.  Averting a financial crisis because you didn't say 'NO' to an earlier ASK is unacceptable.

Not to save face here, I used to face that recurring dilemma wherein indeed it was damn Tough To Say 'NO'.  Out of pity.  Out from the soft spots in our heart.  Out from our inability to withstand the pressure that envelopes around us.  In some local settings, if you turn down and say NO, the local community will looked down upon you.  And from a self-serving mindset, you would get worried 'WHAT IF I NEED HELP' in the future, to whom will I turn to?

Ok, let's go for the proven hacks to overcome that plight of saying NO.  First off, you DON'T have to jump straight and say NO.  How about saying NO much later?  And why not craft this default reply:  LET ME GET BACK TO YOU.  Other proven safe clauses are:  LET ME CHECK MY SCHEDULE AND GET BACK TO YOU.  Or I'LL HAVE TO ASK MY SPOUSE IF WE HAVE ANYTHING GOING ON LATER.  Or  THAT'S A NICE SUGGESTION BUT LET ME THINK FIRST.  Or GREAT, LET ME SEE IF I END UP WORK EARLY SO WE CAN CATCH UP.  Seriously, adopting any of those responses should NOT be that tough, right?

Now sharing this poster though.  These are polite but definitely firm responses.  And more importantly, you will NOT end up in a bind for any of these responses because it shuts off any probability of you yourself giving in and caving in to undue pressure.  And if it is at the workplace, you can ask people to email or send you an SMS [because it is ten times easier saying NO either via SMS or email].  If it's a close friend asking favor, give an acceptable 'counter offer'.  Here's a caveat though.  DON'T and DON'T rely on your 'LATERS' forever.  And just DON'T lie.  Once your 'LATERS; are all used up, saying 'LATER' again can just cause you to seem untrustworthy in the long run.   So, it's NOT that TOUGH TO SAY NO, no sirrrrrs❗❗❗ 

Thinking Things Through

Thinking Things Through

Hey, is this a good talking point today?  Me thinks it is.  Thinking Things Through is something that is VERY OFTEN glossed over [and to be brutally frank, IGNORED] by many of us.  During your school days when you would receive a tongue-lashing from your parent, did you ever Think Things Through?  I doubt it.  When you and your partner/spouse were having differences of opinions and you proceeded to do it things your way, did you ever Think Things Through?  When your entrepreneurial forays was hitting its rough patches and you were advised to re-look at things, did you ever Think Things Through?

That's the sad part.  Sometimes, we [wrongly] believe so much in ourselves.  You would even blurt out "I KNOW, RIGHT?" Yes you knew it but how cocksure are you that what you knew then was right?  Or did you just believe so much in yourself that you CAN'T go wrong?  Or was it your ego or pride that prevailed over yourself such that you did not even give a lip service to Think Things Through.  When a couple is hitting rough patches and they yell in unison, 'GO TO HELL', did they ever Think Things Through 

But to be fair, sometimes it is NOT our ego or pride that prevails over us but instead our honest and sheer desire to take and make swift decisions because situations will call for it.  And honestly, I went through those turmoils many times in the past and GUESS WHAT?  Many times I fell flat on my face, seriously.  Why?  Because in haste I wanted to finish things off in a whiff but oblivious of the fact that the risk of making ill-fated decisions just goes up significantly.  Why?  Precisely because during those times, we hardly Think Things Through 

So where's our fix?  Akin to watering and nurturing the plants and flowers, can we assiduously take care of ourselves exactly in that same fashion?  Because only then can we polish and develop and enhance our wisdom to be more learned, more thorough and just less vulnerable to committing one faux pas after another, no thanks because we must have forgotten to Think Things Through 

So, regardless how the clouds are gloomy.  Regardless if it may be like zero-visibility that denies an aircraft to land on the strip.  Despite the murky waters around your circumstance.  We just should NOT and can NOT miss out to Think Things Through because that's all that matters most in our decision-making.  And knock on wood if you end up with an ill-advised decision, the next words you would spew out of your frustrated self will be reflective of compunction, contrition, guilt, remorse and maybe an endless loop of regret all because you miss out to Think Things Through✅✅✅

Optics Matter

Optics Matter

Today's piece has got nothing to do with optical or optometrists but instead, let's discuss about as to why in our life, why does Optics Matter.  What people see.  How they see it.  What happens right before their eyes.  How things transpire right in our naked eyes.  All those are inputs which people will draw out before they arrive at conclusions and judgments.  Truth is, many times, the conclusions and judgments of people about us could either be wrong, skewed, slanted or altogether wrong but do we fault and blame them when in real life, Optics Matter.  And what they can bear witness, what they saw and the can attest with their naked eyes all will lead towards one's conclusion.

We all agree that for visions less than 20/20, things are blurry not until they wear those indispensable spectacles.  So we can't blame people once they get to be bespectacled, things become crystal clear and and once they draw conclusions, trust me, that gets embedded and cast in stone. All because Optics Matter.

And even from afar. people can draw conclusions, no thanks to those binoculars.  I really cannot blame people from sometimes ending up with conclusions that are less than 100% accurate. Why?  Because we acted in ways that drew a different perspective.  Because we manifested behaviors that were not aligned with what is the TRUTH.  And worst, we blurted out words that reaffirmed the very Optics which all Matters.

Now let's play scenarios.  What if we are NOT transparent.  We are NOT expressive.  We DON'T 'walk the talk'.  What if we come out vague and ambiguous?  What could be the end result?  People will still draw out conclusions and judgments about us but either they will [accurately] judge us as either vague or ambiguous OR worst, they will end up with totally inaccurate conclusions all because Optics Matter.

So, to drastically lower the probability of us being wrongly judged, be YOURSELF, be TRANSPARENT, be TRUTHFUL.  Let us NOT send 'mixed signals, saying one thing but doing another thing. Where possible, avoid words or actions where you will be misconstrued.  And for the mother of all NO-NO's, never look HAPPY when you're SAD, never look PLEASED if you're DISPLEASED because Optics Matter❗❗❗

When Things Get BAD

When Things Get BAD

No sirrrrs, we're not manifesting paranoia here but this is just to accept the harsh realities of life wherein sometimes When Things Get BAD, things can get really very UGLY.  Of course, there are outliers wherein a BAD situation sometimes does a turnaround for the better but by and large, many BAD situations really get us buried deep in the mud.  And what's the confirmed recovery rate when things turn BAD?  Oh, studies confirm it's really BAD.

If you ask me to look back those years when my situation was that BAD, I have to [sadly] admit that many things i remained stuck in the mud for quite sometime. And my woes didn't end there.  Why?  Because, things turned from BAD to WORSE [and sometimes to WORST] before I was able to extricate myself out from that treacherous mud.

Not to scare, this poster is NOT meant to scare but this is the harsh reality.  Everything really that is BAD is in effect the WORST problem.  But if it does not look WORST, it's because things have yet to turn from BAD to WORST. What's our most common mistake?  It is when we are just shrugging our shoulders when confronted with a problem.  Why?  Because many of us [wrongly] look at BAD situations as NOT THAT BAD and while positive attitudes like that are laudable, please DON'T fool yourself by just looking at the side of things when you get hit.

Think of the chameleon.  They can surface in different colors.  That's how problems can be like chameleons. Many times our problems DO NOT surface like a problem.  In fact, sometimes, problems will surface as good tidings, as good news when in fact there's nothing GOOD in it except that it appears like a chameleon.  So, to be forewarned is to be forearmed.

So, what are our lifehacks for today's piece?  DON'T ignore problems.  DON'T underestimate challenges.  DON'T belittle the bumps and humps.  DON'T hope things will turn from BAD to GOOD without lifting your fingers, no sirrrrs.  DON'T be that positive to expect that BAD situations will maintain it's status quo because problems never go on a standstill.  Either things will go NORTH or SOUTH, never remain levelled.  Not wishful thinking but we hope that everyone of us will be on their toes and even 'nip in the bud' at the slightest hint that things are BAD because we DON'T want things to turn UGLY✅✅✅
 

It's YOUR CHOICE

It's YOUR CHOICE

Allow me please to quote this poster verbatim because it says a mouthful but if I were to compressed it with brevity, I'd say.... It's YOUR CHOICE.  Studies have shown that 70% of the time, what happens to our life is a consequence of OUR CHOICE[s].  You're blessed to be attending a good school because your parents chose to send you the best school possible.  If your school is not a top-tier one, it was likely your parents' choice.

Why do we hear repeating stories of drug couriers waiting for execution in Singapore or in Indonesia who are dead serious in implementing their drug laws?  Simple.  Those drug couriers ended up that way because twas their CHOICE,  Why do we hear about despicable gang rapes in India?  Likely it's because a foreigner-backpacker decided to explore India within areas which were hitherto NO MAN'S LAND even to local Indians.

When I was at the crossroads, squeeze by utter cultural shock during my first months of stay in Singapore, it was my CHOICE to be there in the first place.  And when I was struggling with the sizzling hot weather in Hyderabad, India, it was my CHOICE to be there in the first place.  For those in the lower strata of society where couples are struggling to feed countless mouths in their family, it was their CHOICE to have those out-sized families despite their daily financial woes.

All these will boil down to this triage between our THOUGHTS, our FEELINGS and our ACTIONS.  This is the vicious cycle we are all caught and squeezed in between.  And where does these all lead us to?  It's to the consequence of our CHOICE.  Desist from a thought or a feeling, I guarantee that you will be deviated from a consequence ahead.

How can we avert a doomed ending?  Let's revisit our thought processes that lead us to our CHOICEs. This is no rocket science.  It's basic and logical thinking.  Weigh down each option, compare options based on apples-to-apples, then take on that option that ends up with the upper hand.  NEVER decide based on impulses and emotion because it is really YOUR CHOICE❗❗❗