Forgiving and Forgetting

Forgiving and Forgetting

Forgiving and Forgetting is one of the most recurring MIX-UP day-IN day-OUT.  Many even equate each other as one and the same.  NO sirrrrrs.  Each is distinct on its own.  Forgiving and Forgetting do NOT happen in fell swoop because these are two separate actions with different intents although the results may be similar💴💷💵

Thing is, people who have suffered 'wrongdoings' are often urged to 'FORGIVE & FORGET'.  Indeed, forgetting the details of past experiences that elicit painful, sometimes debilitating feelings of resentment, anger and hate, seems necessary in order to replace those NEGATIVE feelings with POSITIVE ones📘📙📗

BUT lest we forget, remembering the details of past wrongdoing also seems necessary for FORGIVENESS.  If a person's memory of a past offense were somehow deleted from one's mind, we WON'T say that that person has forgiven the offender.  FORGIVENESS then, seems to require a contradiction.  One must both remember and FORGET to FORGIVE.  How should we understand the precise relationship between FORGIVING and FORGETTING to resolve this paradox❎❎❎

What's perplexing is that, till to date, the relationship between MEMORY and FORGIVENESS remains unclear.  BUT setting that paradox aside, let's put ourselves in the shoes of the offended party.  There you go, you FORGIVE in good faith.  BUT is it fair, just and reasonable for the offended part to totally FORGET that as well?  I've come across many times that hypothesis and I would hit the wall with the question:  HOW WILL I LEARN THE LESSON IF I HAVE TO FORGET❓❓❓

And our takeaway for today?  WHEN a snake bites you, it injects poison into you and slithers away.  You are then in pain as long as the venom stays, while the snake has moved on and DOESN'T even recall biting you.  FORGIVENESS is the act of removing that POISON and eliminating the pain.  However, it is important to remember that even though the POISON is removed and the pain is gone, the snake is still a snake.  Therefore, FORGIVENESS does NOT mean FORGETTING.  It is important to be wise enough to avoid putting yourself in the snake's presence again❗❗❗

That Elusive PEACE OF MIND?

That Elusive PEACE OF MIND?

That Elusive PEACE OF MIND?  Not really that elusive.  You and I would agree that in most days in our life, we do have that PEACE OF MIND, NOT until when ANGER creeps in.  Then, it throws a monkey wrench on you situation.  Visualize a tornado that comes from nowhere and wreaks down the whole countryside, turns houses upside down.  Very much like ANGER❎❎❎

For alignment, PEACE OF MIND is defined as that mental state of CALMNESS or tranquility.  And it may also include that freedom from worry and anxiety.  And WHEN our minds are buzzing with thoughts, it can be intense and that overwhelming.  We just want some PEACE OF MIND, which is to say we want a calm, relaxed and content mind☝☝☝

Now, let's run a pulse check.  Many of us are on our smart phones and gadgets practically 24x7, either overwhelmed by too much work, and nervous about our future.  It's hardly surprising that we struggle to calm our minds or turn off our racing thoughts.  BUT lucky for us, this is NOT the end of the world for us📌📌📌

And so, desperate for some inner calm, we tend to resort to QUICK FIXES.  Deep breathing.  Xanax and get into a movie binge with Netflix, hoping desperately to CALM THE STORM inside our minds, even for awhile.  BUT alas, there are NO quick fixes WHEN it comes to PEACE of MIND.  It's NOT something that can bought OR willed into existence in a moment.  Instead, it must be cultivated, albeit slowly and surely.  Studies show that for those WHO are successful in creating CALMER and more peaceful MINDS may arrive there slowly😀😀😀

Apparently, studies show that developing simple MENTAL HABITS can lead us to more PEACEFUL minds.  In its simplest form, MINDFULNESS just means keeping your attention in the PRESENT rather than the past OR even the future.  Your mind becomes more chaotic and turbulent WHEN it's bouncing around between past mistakes and regrets and even future worries and fears.  Unfortunately, this tendency to get stuck in mental time travel can become a habit, and worse, an addiction.  Our takeaway today:  THAT ELUSIVE PEACE OF MIND, it's ALL IN THE MIND.  Reset and reboot your mind and take control from thereon dude❗❗❗

Getting QUALITY SLEEP?

Getting QUALITY SLEEP?

Getting QUALITY SLEEP?  I am NOT into the medical field so I won't put up a false facade that this thread is within my turf.  BUT even if you just tap Mr Google, he tells you that QUALITY SLEEP will lead you outright to numerous benefits, topped by that benefit that you may lower your risk of serious health problems [like heart disease and diabetes and a lot more.   So, I guess our thread today is worth it💵💴💷

BUT do you know that good SLEEP habits [sometimes referred to as 'SLEEP HYGIENE'] can help you get a good QUALITY SLEEP?  And in real life, SLEEPING well gets complicated when more than one person is involved BUT many people relish that SENSE of SAFETY and SECURITY that can come from sharing a bed with your spouse/partner BUT for some couples, the 'level of disturbance' starts to override the psychological benefits'📗📙📘

There was a JAN 2023 survey by SleepFoundation.org which found that 53% who decided to sleep separately said it improved their SLEEP quality BUT, that 'SLEEP DIVORCE' is NOT the only option though.  Be mindful if our spouse/partner is considered as a 'RESTLESS SLEEPER', someone who drifts IN and OUT of SLEEP or moves around a lot.  Medical specialists advise that restless sleepers have an underlying SLEEP disorder📌📌📌

Studies also show that SLEEP patterns are partly hard-wired and couples may run into issues WHEN trying to sync up.  Night owls may be fidgety simply because they're NOT really tired yet and that can keep a morning lark awake.  SLEEP experts even advise to consider that maybe one person just needs to get into bed earlier than the other and get into a good, sound SLEEP before the night owl comes in☝☝☝

NOT to unduly raise alarms, experts claim that sometimes, restlessness is simply a sign of discomfort and a few tweaks can lead to a good payoff and that can cut down on the tossing and turning.  For some, it's that damn phone he keeps fiddling even at 2am.  Knock on wood, if SLEEP APNEA, Insomnia OR Narcolepsy creeps in, consider treatment for you to get get that QUALITY SLEEP💧💧💧

Be Okay With Yourself

Be Okay With Yourself

Much as we hear that, by nature, man is selfish, let's dive-in and zoom into our lives.  Have we been that selfish most of the times?  Sometimes, we do, we are but NOT most of the times.  Instead, let's reflect and we'll realize that we have been thinking and caring more for others rather than ourselves.  Our loved ones, our families, our REAL friends, and even our work colleagues, often we spend more time  [& effort] thinking about their welfare than our very own selves.  BUT we need to Be Okay With Yourself, first and foremost.  WHAT happens if we're NOT okay💴💷💵

I did bear witness first hand to people WHO really gave everything they have [till to date], their time, attention, monies and everything to take care of his/her loved one[s] WHO indeed needs to be taken cared of.  And that is indeed appreciated well enough and understandable if one's loved one[s] has tons and tons of regular medicines as part of one's maintenance [BUT it should NOT be at the expense of the very person defraying all the expenses]📘📗📙

How many times have you stopped yourself from saying things that you wanted to say worrying that WHAT impression would make of you?  WOULD you appear silly, bossy, stupid OR arrogant?  WHEN was the last morning WHEN you woke up and felt excited about doing WHAT you actually wanted to do rather than WHAT you had to do?  WHEN was the last time you had the thought that you DIDN'T need caffeine to keep you goin throughout the day?  I remember stumbling across this quote:  ABOUT ALL YOU CAN DO IN LIFE IS BE WHO YOU ARE. SOME PEOPLE WILL LOVE YOU FOR YOU.  MOST WILL LOVE YOU FOR WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR THEM💚💛💜

Thing is, life goes too fast, the best way to make sure you are living it is to stop for a while, analyze things once and decide WHAT's best.  We do all make plans for our life and for some of us life DOESN'T always turn out to be the way we wanted it to be.  BUT that DOESN'T mean we are unfortunate OR unlucky.  It's just that we [probably] made wrong assumptions along the way💧💧💧

Now, sometimes [and probably many times], we suffer setbacks in life.  AND THAT'S OKAY.  Making mistakes, taking wrong judgments, unable to meet expectations, having NO willpower OR even succumbing under pressure.  Our takeaway?  We've all hit that bump on the road.  DON'T be too hard on yourself OR rush into the process of 'BEING OKAY' because it's OKAY that NOT everything is OKAY in your life all the time.  Please BE OKAY WITH YOURSELF, whatever it takes😂😂😂

That POWER of COMPLIMENTS

That POWER of COMPLIMENTS

Are you stingy when it comes to monies?  That's understandable.  That's a GIVEN.  BUT my subtle question is, are you stingy with WORD, with COMPLIMENTS? Think about it, how much will it cost you at least in efforts exerted?  Very very minimal, if at all.  That POWER of COMPLIMENTS will just burn a few calories, in fact📙📘📗

I, for one, CALLING SPADE A SPADE is intrinsically part of my persona.  I just DON'T mince words.  If someone is mediocre, I won't look the other way around.  BUT if someone does his task way beyond expectations and sometimes taking that Xtra mile, I won't miss that opportunity to compliment as well.  The last working day of December 2023 was never different.  I looked back the calendar year and I took note of each service group all around our organization and for those with year-round consistencies of support, the least I can reciprocate is to compliment the support groups and cited specific names who did stand out💴💷💵

WHAT happens after we COMPLIMENT someone?  BTW, the COMPLIMENTs I'm referring to, goes beyond superficial ones like 'your haircut looks great' OR 'your speech was so good'.  Because the COMPLIMENTS I'm referring to are the deep-seated words of appreciation, like COMPLIMENTING a service support group for their help the whole year❗❗❗

Thing is, COMPLIMENTS makes us feel good.  TRY IT. DO IT.  Whether it is GIVING or RECEIVING, that feeling of being valued and appreciated works both ways.  Studies tell us that feeling valued and appreciated are BASIC HUMAN NEEDS since APPRECIATION is also foundational in relationships, both those with partners/spouses and with friends.  It is part of WHAT makes us want to cooperate and collaborate with those around us😀😀😀

COMPLIMENTS help us communicate that appreciation we feel toward one another.  And that makes us feel good as well.  Social Scientists also found that being paid a COMPLIMENT actually lights up the same parts of your brain that get activated WHEN you get paid a monetary award.  BTW, it's NOT just the receiver who walks away better off.  COMPLIMENTS benefit the giver too.  Being in the habit of giving COMPLIMENTS help us notice and appreciate WHAT's good and WHAT we like.  Having said all these, COMPLIMENTS must be SINCERE and SPECIFIC.  That POWER of COMPLIMENTS✅✅✅

FOCUS Issue?

FOCUS Issue?

FOCUS Issue? Normally, this is NOT something that's quite earthshaking as everyone's attention tends to drift at times, like when you lose concentration for a moment while doing routine tasks.  Many people shrug off these lapses in FOCUS as 'senior moments' BUT they might be related to a vulnerable brain process which psychologists call as "EXECUTIVE FUNCTION', which as per research, that helps to plan, make decisions, and even pay attention.  But these experts claim that this 'EXECUTIVE FUNCTION' peaks alongside other brain functions in your early 20s and gradually diminishes over time💴💷💵

Good news to us all, that 'degradation' process is slow.  Having said this, studies show that everyone's brain is wired and programmed differently, and some people struggle with attention more than others.  And if such symptoms do surface, let us NOT ignore it as likely there is an underlying condition📗📙📘

Meanwhile, Harvard Medical recommends that we contain such degraded FOCUS by:

• TRACK that lack of attention.  
• PRACTICE mindfulness meditation.
• STOP distractions, e.g. notifications, devices
• WORK in blocks of time - research shows that working in small chunks of time with rest and break in between to help improve FOCUS
• ENGAGE your brain - get involved in things that need more mental effort
• STAY SOCIAL - social engagements protects against loneliness, which leads to depression, anxiety and stress📌📌📌

As DISTRACTIONS are infinite, it's essential you remove certain behaviors from your life.  But removing such behaviors is just the very first step because at the end of the day, FOCUS is a skill.  It can be developed over time.  BUT that's far down the road yet as you need to set yourself up for SUCCESS for now✅✅✅

To start on our 'baby steps', let us FOCUS in 'obliterating' MULTI-TASKING.  Studies have showed that MULTI-TASKING is 'melting' our brain.  It is stopping us from being able to FOCUS on one thing at a time.  And as a result, that is leading us to create a 'below average' work.  If you're trying to write something while listening to music with repetitive lyrics, very likely you will NOT be able write anything substantive.  But dude, let's aim for this low-hanging fruit❗❗❗

OLD Keys Won't Open NEW Doors

OLD Keys Won't Open NEW Doors

Our thread today has got nothing to do with locksmith stuff but OLD Keys Won't Open NEW Doors simply tells us that in life, OLD WAYS will NOT lead us to NEW results at all.  No doubt is filled with a hell lot of opportunities and potentials awaiting to be uncorked and discovered.  And this is what makes life worth living as it offers each and every one of us the privilege of making our decision that will mold what we're going to be in the future.  To be brutally frank, this implies that we should leave our COMFORT ZONE, NO ifs, NO buts💴💷💵

So, WHY should we leave our COMFORT ZONE?  Indeed, stepping outside and beyond our COMFORT ZONE can feel like a daunting task to take.  Then we hear one-liners like, LIFE BEGINS AT THE END OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE, NOTHING GROWS IN YOUR COMFORT ZONE, STEP OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE and so on📗📙📘

Now, for the SOFT SELL.  Why are we egging you to leave your COMFORT ZONE?  Primero, you'll NEVER know WHAT will happen.  One of the most obvious reasons WHY you should start taking chances is the fact that the outcome will always be a SURPRISE [whether GOOD or BAD] and even though there's always a RISK that things may end up worse than where you are in now.  BUT, there's always the flip side, that it will turn out nicely😀😀😀

Not to forget, those WHO are afraid of taking RISKS are always haunted by the tons and tons of WHAT IFs.  Dude, you DON'T want to be like them, do you?  Now, WHO wants REGRETS?  For those who have missed out taking the chance OR making the BIG LEAP, I guess you will agree that you have experienced a feeling of REGRET, right?  That unpleasant feeling will often occur especially if that RISK could actually help you become much better than WHAT you are right now.  Although it can be reassuring to take the safe side every once in a while, you MIGHT end up REGRETTING [if only you were MAN ENOUGH]❗❗❗

Now, have we thought about NEVER succeeding?  BUT life is all about taking risks and chances.  How can you get far in life if you're afraid of stepping out of your COMFORT ZONE?  Looking back, had I not taken that RISK, that LEAP of FAITH, to try luck in Singapore [initially with a working visa, until I became a permanent resident and until I became a naturalized Singapore citizen], I would NOT have gone this far.  And talking about TOUCHING LIVES, out of humility, I'll avoid mentioning how many lives are much better off because I risked going to Singapore [with just a parachute as a backup]💚💛💜

Attitude Tops The List

Attitude Tops The List

Throughout the years I screened job applicants, what will consume the hiring manager's time are the tons of top-heavy credentials of the candidates.  And that's excluding the window dressings we all expect in CV/Resumes. BUT I didn't spend much time except mapping the candidates with the basic pre-requisites. And I waited for the second phase because to me, Attitude Tops The List💵💴💷

In company recruitments, it's a no-brainer.  Three things we look for are either knowledge, skills and/or ATTITUDE.  And ATTITUDE TOPS THE LIST.  Because organizations DON'T want to have a basketful of apples OR eggs with one rotten one in it because a BAD ATTITUDE are more contagious than ever.  As we now work in 'networked' and collaborative environments, the isolated silos are gone📗📙📘

In short, as this post-it note says, ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING.  But if you think the ATTITUDE aspect is damn critical in company organizations, let us NOT lose sight that that precious ATTITUDE should still TOP THE LIST if you're looking for the partner you want to share your life with.  And when domestic circumstances get into the picture, that ATTITUDE factor can surface in various forms and shapes.  LAZY.  IRRESPONSIBLE.  DISRESPECTFUL.  INSENSITIVE.  PETTY.  UNACCOUNTABLE.  Name it.  All these manifestations can all manifest out of someone's ATTITUDE📌📌📌

And frankly, while in organizations and companies, someone who's a confirmed rotten apple OR egg can still be given the pink slip by HR, in your domestic affairs, there is simply NO HR department who will take care of someone who's confirmed to be a square peg in a round hole.  You're stuck with that person with serious ATTITUDINAL issues. And when you're stuck with someone carrying a bagful of ATTITUDINAL issues, you're stuck❎❎❎

So, what's our takeaway?  Be meticulous and incisive enough when figuring out the ATTITUDINAL-side of your prospect, whether he's a job candidate or he/she is the person you're contemplating to be your partner/spouse to share the rest of your lifetime.  Think about it.  He/she could be affluent, impressively working in the corporate world, a swashbuckling top sales performer but when you and him/her finally are under one roof OR one organization, think of the ramifications a rotten apple OR egg will impact you, your team, your life❗❗❗

NOT SO FAST, Dude

NOT SO FAST, Dude

Many times, we shoot from the hip much faster and even before we could validate OR digest things.  South Korean A-Lister actor Lee Sun-kyun was the latest one who took on his own life when he was accused of being a drug user by the police.  By the time the drug test result was NEGATIVE, hefty fines arising from commercial contracts had already been imposed on the poor actor.  Even after his death, his wife had to file for bankruptcy because they CAN'T pay the hefty fines imposed based on the onerous contracts📗📙📘

Allow me to share this Quora.com post by Norton Karp.

A boss is walking through his company observing his workers doing their jobs and happy that everything is humming along perfectly until he sees a young kid leaning against a wall doing nothing. Just staring at his phone and scrolling.

The boss is fuming. He storms up to the kid and yells; “WHAT DO YOU MAKE A WEEK?”

The young kid just stammers at the red-faced man; “Ah, about $250.”

The boss reaches into his pocket and starts counting out $500, shoves it into the startled kid's hand, and yells; “NOW GET OUT! AND DON’T COME BACK!!”

The kid hurriedly leaves.

A few seconds later, a junior manager walks out, looks around, and asks the boss; “Where’s that messenger waiting to take our package downtown?”

From those Wild Wild West movies I watched during my childhood, GUNSLINGERS from the Wild West often lived another day by quickly grabbing their Colt 45s to put an end to a threat.  The latest version of GUN SLINGING is happening everyday across the globe as salespeople 'shoot from the hip' in meetings with sales prospects, usually relying on memory alone for the questions asked.  This often leads to poor marksmanship as details are inevitably missed as they focus too much on WHAT they are going to ask next versus hearing every little nuance and detail being told to them.  In the end, they could miss their target📌📌📌

The above-mentioned Quora.com story is, of course, a joke, but it happens REAL-LIFE.  I do bear witness to countless times when people are prematurely judged either based on biases OR the unvalidated raw information  which, often, are plain and simple hogwash and baloney.  BUT what's troubling is that because of PREMATURE JUDGMENT, people get destroyed [hear that most recent suicide in South Korea] and even relationships end up NOT just strained but shattered❎❎❎

I may NOT be a law enforcement officer but it behooves on each one of us to advocate REASONABLE and JUST fair play.  Sad enough because when social media comes into the picture, one seemingly harmless rumor can get retweeted faster than the Australian bushfires.  NOT SO FAST, dude❌❌❌

Active Listening, Anyone?

Active Listening, Anyone?

What's the most simple obvious GIVEN in life ?It is the fact that when we speak, maybe 99% do LISTEN to us.  BUT Active Listening, Anyone?  For alignment, allow me to quote from Mr Google which defines ACTIVE LISTENING as a way of LISTENING and RESPONDING to another person that improves mutual understanding.  So, back to my frank question:  How often do we do ACTIVE LISTENING?  Probably, a plurality do.  You'll be surprised with the numbers below📗📙📘

Surveys show that between 70-80% of the day we're engaged in some form of communication, of which, 55% is devoted to LISTENING.  But WHAT is quite alarming is that on average, the average LISTENER only remembers a measly 25% of a talk OR conversation😑😑😑

Thing is, oftentimes, we DON'T retain WHAT we hear.  In fact, the tests from Harvard Business Review attests that the average LISTENER does remember 25% [ONLY] of a talk or lecture.  ACTIVE LISTENING requires much deeper attention and empathy, which ideally leads to greater understanding.  It is the practice of paying FULL ATTENTION to what someone is saying in order to demonstrate unbiased reflection😀😀😀

This is NOT just about the benefits to our career.  Empathy, the very basis of ACTIVE LISTENING, is crucial in building meaningful relationships.  ACTIVE LISTENING can even help you to manage your emotions, retain data or information much better and where there are gaps, conflicts or disconnects, ACTIVE LISTENING is very key in helping resolve such conflicts📌📌📌

The rising demand for social and emotional skills [and that includes ACTIVE LISTENING] is projected to grow by more than 20% between 2016 and 2030 and that projection cuts across industries.  BTW, won't you get FRUSTRATED [at the very least] if you're talking intently but obviously, the person you're talking to, simply blurts back with his spiel?  Time for ACTIVE LISTENING, anyone please❗❗❗