Are You In A 'DOWNWARD SPIRAL'?

Are You In A 'DOWNWARD SPIRAL'?

To borrow a favorite American expression, 'sometimes a funk is more than the sum of its parts.  And many more times in our life, circumstances and situations tend to get so intertwined leading us to ask if we Are In A 'DOWNWARD SPIRAL'?  And in most cases, that self-prognosis is just damn right.  So what makes it right?  It's because at the end of the day, most of us are aware that it is HOW we react specific situations that tend to exacerbate things💎💎💎

So, in many cases, we should have NOT ended up in those situations causing our downward spiral.  You just DONT have to go and take that path.  It is NOT the events or the circumstances but it is the way our mind reacts to them that causes a seemingly minor annoyance to sometimes snowball into an ell-encompassing 'black mood'.  In short, the glimmer of hope is that while we CANNOT control a lot of things, we can control the way we react to situations.  Factually, DOWNWARD SPIRALS are often provoked by jumping to the worst case conclusions✅✅✅

Try making a beeline from a boss's critical email right to "I'M GOING TO BE FIRED".  OR you take a friend's failure to call as a 'SURE SIGN' she DOESN'T like you anymore.  But we need to realize that probably, the boss's email is simply part of BUSINESS AS USUAL while your friend was probably distracted by a problem in her own life that has got NOTHING to do with you at all📌📌📌

Numerous studies have shown that humans are 'HIGHLY EVOLVED PROBLEM SOLVERS'.  No sooner do we experience a negative emotion than we then feel compelled to fix it, fast, pronto.  Usually, that 'URGE' goes with the assumption that there's probably SOMETHING WRONG with us for 'FEELING BLUE', which, unfortunately, tends to only compound that imminent depression✅✅✅

Another complexity that seems to commonly worsen things is that by trying to think our way out of a certain predicament [e.g. sadness, depression], ironically we tend to fuel and worsen it.  So, the more we FEED this DOWNWARD SPIRAL with attention, it then becomes very likely that we tend to unconsciously allow it to proliferate.  In the end, such NEGATIVITIES will just continue to multiply, spinning from one thing to two things to ten things.  So, if you are in a DOWNWARD SPIRAL, arrest that skid and turnaround❗❗❗

RETHINK If You're 'Bout To GIVE UP!

RETHINK If You're 'Bout To GIVE UP!

RETHINK If You're 'Bout To GIVE UP!  Yes, those are strong words because we just WON'T and CAN'T hold back and just tap your wrist if you seem to be going wayward.  As studies have proven time and again, what matters most in the midst of our struggles is the ELEMENT of TIME📌📌📌

Yes, we DON'T end up quitting because we find ourselves facing too many obstacles or obstacles that may be too strong.  We then end up quitting because we're too weak. However, deep inside me, the inflection point at which we can no longer avoid paying attention to the idea of quitting, that is, the point of which our strength fails us, can be changed.  We can become stronger by challenging our weakness even if at first we DON'T succeed💎💎💎

Increasing our RESILIENCE, both mental and physical, will be an arduous process that's very rarely linear.  That is, it is a process filled with STOPS and STARTS, periods of either progress and periods of regression.  If we're running in a marathon and with leg cramps we decide to quit halfway, quitting that marathon halfway through should give us the BENEFIT of the EFFORT we made while still in that marathon up to the point where we decide to quit.  Those efforts should strengthen us enough over time as long as we DIDN'T allow our quitting to stop us from going back out the next❎❎❎

That same principle should apply any time we make an effort to break new ground in any new arena or endeavor.  The KEY to SUCCESS is simply to keep coming back for more, even if you quit short of your goal several times over, until you find yourself strong enough NOT to give in WHEN your body OR your mind are telling you to.  Just because you do quit, even a hundred times in a row, the experiences you have up until the various points at which you do are the very things that develop the RESILIENCE you need to win in the end❗❗❗

It os true that the risk of becoming grounded in SELF-DEFEATING thoughts when you're defeated by yourself [because you chose to GIVE UP] , we should note, is far greater than when you're defeated by something else.  It may very well be psychologically easier to get yourself to try again in the latter case than in the former you're far more likely to buy into a narrative that defines YOU as a QUITTER and thus, undeserving of SUCCESS.  So, you got to RETHINK IF YOU'RE 'BOUT TO GIVE UP✅✅✅

Never Bid Against Yourself

Never Bid Against Yourself

When we start looking into the market out there, it's all commercials.  That's when $$$$$ 'TALKS'.  So, once you plunge into the market [whether as a jobhunter or as an entrepreneur], gentle reminder here:  Never Bid Against Yourself unless yours is an outlier of a story📌📌📌

Years back when I was 'ACTIVE' in the job market [thanks to my headhunter], I knew my PRICEPOINT like the palm of my hands.  YET, each time, I would take a PULSE CHECK of the job market and do a mapping as to where I stand vis-a-vis the market.  If and when there is a gap between my PRICEPOINT and what the market benchmarking shows, it won't take me a second to succumb to reality as pragmatism creeps in, all because of commercials.  And this narrative runs true to entrepreneurs as well💊💊💊

Now, let's swing over to the other end of the spectrum.  WHAT IF you worry too much.  WHAT IF you are pessimistic of your chances in the market.  WHAT IF you are approaching that DESPERATION point.  WHAT IF you're inching towards raising the WHITE FLAG.  That's when you play devil's advocate and question yourself why you seem to be pricing yourself way below the bottom-floor of the market.  Are you that DESPERATE❓❓❓

Unfortunately, when you're out there playing within the market, you got to wear the hat of a boxer, shielding himself and covering up his vulnerability and YET, he's ready enough to throw the wicked punch once he sees that slightest opening from within his end.  If you carry yourself with the traits of a typical boxer, you've got one foot by then💎💎💎

Borrowing this poster from the now defunct but popular PRICE IS RIGHT TV shows, this says it all.  You got to button hole yourself with the PRICE is RIGHT.  Challenge is, the definition of 'RIGHT' is very relative.  What is RIGHT for you may be too low from my perspective.  So, this is when things become a bit trickier.  Now, whether you're into entrepreneurial or job market forays, be cautious enough.  NEVER BID AGAINST YOURSELF⏳⏳⏳

Has Extra-Marital Issues Reach An Alarming Level?

Has Extra-Marital Issues Reach An Alarming Level?

Has Extra-Marital Issues Reach An Alarming Level?  Unfortunately, the most recurring issue but the LEAST TALKED one are extra-marital issues which has been creeping across, regardless of economic strata or even religion or culture.  Just today, I watched TED Talks and the agenda was no less extra-marital issues.  Today as well, I stumbled on a similar thread from ChannelNewsasia💊💊💊

Truth is, from whatever perspective we look at it, most divorces are triggered by infidelities.  Unfortunately, infidelity is the ultimate betrayal  but does it have to be?  So why do people cheat this way and unpacks affairs in a traumatic way?  In most cases, they threaten emotional security although without defending parties at fault, psychologists point to that expression of LONGING and LOSS as the most common triggers of infidelity✅✅✅

And I can't disagree more with Esther Perel from her recent TED Talk.  No less than in tiny but stable Singapore, the kettles percolated the recent weeks when two key politicians from both the rulling [PAP] party and the Workers Party both had to quit, lest they will end up destroying and causing irreparable damage to their respective parties❎❎❎

Overriding question is, why do people succumb to it?  In these times where there is human diaspora [yes, even in the United States, the diaspora happens across states] and that emotional distance from a spouse leaves someone feeling 'UNVALIDATED or UNAPPRECIATED' at home.  So, when a colleague shows empathy, that''s when the seeds of percolation get planted📌📌📌

So is there a FIX?  Yesirrrrrs.  SET BOUNDARIES.  Work and personal life CAN'T get mixed.  Try living a life with NO LIMITS, you can guess where you will likely end up.  Second, AVOID PHYSICAL TOUCH.  Imagine the 'RIPPLE EFFECT' when a make colleague constantly holds a lady's elbows or even across shoulders.  Third and the most IMPERATIVE step:  COMMUNICATE with your spouse, pronto!  Then take the next step, SPEND TIME with your spouse [even virtually if you're 10,000 miles away.  Let's hope the infidelities will simmer down at least📌📌📌

What Separates The DOER From The DUD?

What Separates The DOER From The DUD?

Before anything else, please allow me to clear-up things.  While I admit I'm a self-proclaimed DOER, there is NO intent here to put down [or worse, push down] the DUD because I was a DUD too several times in the past.  So, What Separates The DOER From The DUD?  I think this deserves space in our thread today if only to continue encouraging the DOERS to continue sustaining their SUCCESSES and enlighten the DUD that they are NOT approaching the END OF THE TUNNEL, yet

It is a GIVEN that there is a sizable percentage of the population who were born with a silver spoon but those are outliers.  So, what's the best ever advice we would receive from practically almost all experts and inspirational gurus?  INVEST IN YOURSELF, period.  Their main argument is that ANYTHING THAT IMPROVES YOUR OWN TALENT is the best ever investment you can infuse.  This advice revolves around the idea that KNOWLEDGE is our ultimate asset✅✅✅

Let's take a sneak preview of the common habits of the successful names across industries.  They admit spending a considerable slice of their time everyday READING, LEARNING and STAYING INFORMED about various markets and industries. If we're an entrepreneur, we can apply this principle by embracing continuous learning and staying updated in the goings-on.  Investing to LEARN equips and leads us to reach INFORMED DECISIONS, and even spot opportunities and adapt to the rapidly changing landscape these days❗❗❗

INVESTING in oneself is NOT limited to learning new things.  Let us expand that to include SELF-IMPROVEMENTS which can encompass building SELF-CONFIDENCE and continuously improving your skills.  As our journey is filled with challenges and risks, and worst, uncertainty.  By investing in our personal growth, we'll develop SELF-CONFIDENCE, boldness and resilience to face these obstacles head-on and overcome them when we face obstacles💎💎💎

One gaping hole that is buried deep beyond the surface is for us to identify and leverage our strengths as it becomes critical for us to understand our unique capabilities which can help us focus on areas where we excel.  BUT there's a flip side to this though.  We need to develop that SELF-AWARENESS to know what tasks to take on and what tasks that fall outside your expertise to delegate to others who can handle them better, thus optimizing your time and your efforts as well.  And DON'T forget to INVEST IN DOING WORK YOU LOVE because the biggest lesson here is improving ourselves as it stands gthe test of time and is even apropos in this age of QUITE QUITTING.  You just got to know if you're a DOER or a DUD❓❓❓

It's OK To Fail [BUT DO IT RIGHT]

It's OK To Fail [BUT DO IT RIGHT]

Yes folks this should not be bothersome,  It's OK To Fail [BUT DO IT RIGHT] but this could lead us to a pandora's box. All of us, barring the transparent ones, will admit that all along, they have been DOINT IT RIGHT but the catch-22 question is, how often have we FAILED and how often those FAILURES seem a recurring thing?  Doesn't that merit us to look back and re-examine if we are DOING IT RIGHT rather than having recurring FAILURES❓❓❓

When we try new things and FAIL, that is experimentation.  And we DON'T have to be Lab Specialists to learn from the 'EXPERIMENTS' in life.  Conversely, when we deviate from a proven practice maybe because of 'INATTENTION', that is NO less a MISTAKE.  So, it is imperative for us to know the difference and create that 'WORKSPACE' when and where we can feel psychologically safe to take on smart risks.  So, what should we do after we FAIL?  Taking a POST-MORTEM is no less than the next step to take and it has to be done thoroughly with the ROOT CAUSE pinned down no less❗❗❗

Bottomline is a previous FAILURE should NOT and NEVER repeat itself.  To quote experts, ' A FAILURE, EVEN AN INTELLIGENT FAILURE, IS NO LONGER INTELLIGENT THE SECOND TIME IT HAPPENS'.  Now, what poses a tougher question is how do we handle things we're doing the first time.  Can we just FAIL because it's the first time✅✅✅

So, is there a mitigation to reduce FAILURES of first attempts?  Yes, there is and such first-time stuff need extensive EXPERIMENTATIONS no less and there's NO other way around it.  NO one can debate that EXPERIMENTATIONS are exercises in futility.  Remove it from the equation and expect for the worst of the worst FAILURES to recur over and over again.  EXPERIMENT and we guarantee your HIT RATE to shoot up❗❗❗

Let's look no farther than competitive sports.  It's true more than 90% of aspiring sportsmen FAIL but why do we have the sports greats regardless whether it is in basketball, boxing, tennis, swimming or athletics, what do they have in common?  They all poured thousands of hours  to reach the level where they have reached.  So, IT'S OK TO FAIL [BUT DO IT RIGHT]✅✅✅

So, Why Do We Give Up?

So, Why Do We Give Up?

Let's admit it [and I'm one of those openly admitting this].  We give up SO EASILY when the going gets tough primarily because we're afraid to FAIL.  So, Why Do We Give Up? It becomes like our defense mechanism simply because we're afraid to FAIL.  Indeed, we all come across a point in our life when we FAIL numerous times and NOTHING else we do seems to work in our favor, NADA❗❗❗ 

This chart says it all, it lists down the eight most common reasons WHY DO WE GIVE UP [sometimes so easily].  Those times we FAIL are the times when we need to push ourselves the hardest and tap into our mental strength to see those FAILURES eventually rolling up to become our SUCCESSES.  True, to develop that habit of THINKING POSITIVELY will take years because it NEVER happens overnight✅✅✅

Not to further weaken the weak hearted, it takes years of training to THINK POSITIVELY and for our brain to have that mental strength.  There is lot of HARD WORK involved and it is something that people are afraid of WHEN it comes to following their dreams.  No one is willing to put in the required TIME, EFFORT and PATIENCE to endure the hardships ahead📌📌📌

UNTIL we willingly accept the fact that NOTHING COMES WITHOUT A PRICE, there will be fewer SUCCESS stories and more people listening to them.  IF we think we have little time to develop our mental strength owing to our regular job OR any other work, let's RETHINK again.  As we are all given an equal number of time in a day, it's only a matter of utilizing it to the best💎💎💎

IF you are surrounded by discouraging emotions and 'negative' people, hearing negative things about your capabilities can lead many of us to [wrongly] believe in them till we become WEAK and ready to GIVE UP [so easily], sometimes even without lifting a finger.  So, WHY DO WE GIVE UP if we can envision ourselves to be someone akin to this successful guy💊💊💊

How Can We Be Special?

How Can We Be Special?

Allow me to share this Quora.com sharing from Mathew Vanderburg about that NAPKIN EXPERIENCE.  If you're hosting a party either at wprk or at home, try this experiment.  The first time, put the plain and regular napkins in a bunch for guests to use.  And watch the guests 'abuse' the napkins, pulling out wantonly, in any number and most people will take more than one.  And they will throw the napkins at the trash without care and get more as needed.  The next time you refill, try this.  NOTHING SPECIAL there, right❓❓❓

The next time you did refill the napkins, try refilling it with exactly the same brand, specs and quality.  Except for the colors which you chose pink.  Guess what happens next?  Notice the difference this time around.  People will tend to treat the pink napkins as SPECIAL, even pulling it out with care one at a time.  They will also likely preserve the napkins longer💊💊💊

What's the end result from this NAPKIN EXPERIMENT?  Safely, people tend to attach automatically an importance when something looks different or more sophisticated than they are used to.  This is also the same principle where well-dressed people get to be treated better.  Recently, our broker/friend confided the same recurring experience.  They really need to get attired impressively lest the clients they meet may look down on them📌📌📌

BTW, being SPECIAL does NOT just mean being exceptional or being better than others at some task, ability or skill BUT instead, being SPECIAL means being RESPECTED.  And if we want to stand out from the crowd and be recognized as a SPECIAL person, you can learn to start developing your inner self, giving it the RESPECT it deserves⏳⏳⏳

The cautionary advice here is NEVER pressure yourself to be that SPECIAL.  Simply put, be your natural self WHO remains steadfast to endeavor standing out where in a small room or in a crowd because that could lead you to be SPECIAL❗❗❗

Can You 'HOLD YOUR OWN'?

Can You 'HOLD YOUR OWN'?

To quote Indian Subodh R, Can You 'HOLD YOUR OWN'?  Somehow, this question seems as tame as it sounds BUT this question does bite.  To HOLD YOUR OWN means the world to us because this question challenges us as to whether we can HOLD YOUR OWN in the midst of all the challenges and tribulations in our lifetime journey, proven NOT to be that easy💎💎💎

This does NOT need any convincing or even nudging.  Fact is, to HOLD YOUR OWN means many things and everything in life.  It means HOLDING FORT.  It means RISING UP [from all the FALLS].  It means GETTING BACK ON-TRACK [after getting off-tracked].  It means picking up the broken pieces all over the floor💊💊💊

I vividly remember, I was safely ensconced in a decently paying job in Singapore when a headhunter literally HEAD-HUNTED me and did prey on me.  Long story short, they did prey on me because I surreptitiously accepted their "CAN'T REFUSE" $$$$ offer, only for that employer to literally abandon me 'HIGH and DRY' when the project bidding [where they literally USED my credentials in the BID] failed 📌📌📌

Only then I realized [belatedly] that life is no less a TUG-of-WAR as it involves all the PUSH & PULL which results with both WINNERS and VANQUISHED.  As an after-thought, I realized that indeed I can HOLD MY OWN once I'm grappling with a crisis whose severity level can't be worst than it is✅✅✅

So what's our insight for today?  Regardless of the support structure built around you, it is YOU and YOU YOURSELF you need to summon when you are in the midst of the mother of all crisis.  Others may FAIL you BUT you need to be strong and stern enough to tell yourself that regardless of the extent of your personal crisis at hand, it behooves that you HOLD YOUR OWN❗❗❗

Have You Dodged A Bullet Yet?

Have You Dodged A Bullet Yet?

No sirrrrs, I'm NOT into guns or bullets but BTW, Have You Dodged A Bullet Yet?  I believe that by the time we have graduated from university and plunged into the job market or commercial forays, you, me and most of us can take an honest personal attestation that at some point, we Have You Dodged A Bullet

BTW, for one to DODGE A BULLET is no fun thing.  Neither is it a foray for some weaklings.  BUT unlike the military personnel deployed by their respective countries in the world's 'HOT SPOTS', name it, Afghanistan, Iraq and the like, unlike those military specialists, surely NEVER in our lives are we harboring [at all] even that ever wildest dream of courting disaster by looking for a bullet which later you will attempt to DODGE.  Because apart from the military specialists, for us civilians, DODGING A BULLET is neither hoped or wished for [because we know it's fatal]

Problem is, DODGING A BULLET does NOT mean that you need to be at the level of Usain Bolt, the Jamaican who's the fastest runner in the world.  Because frantically running away to DODGE A BULLET does NOT require that kind of lightning speed and quickness.  Instead, it is a combination of handling a situation deftly and praying endless Hail Mary's hoping that the stars will align and will be by your side

With transparency, I'll admit that I did DODGE BULLETS a couple of times in my life.  And it is NO joke that all those bullets were fatal enough to lead me down six feet under the ground.  And some of those bullets were close shaves, those situations where I manage to save myself by the skin of my teeth, of course with all stars aligned during those dire moments❗❗❗

Oh yes, there were very low points in my life when and where I had to BITE THE BULLET [simply because my back was against the wall and I just ran out of luck] but again, BITING THE BULLET need NOT be that fatal ending.  Instead, it is your very last moments when and where you're clutching on thin and worn-out straws about to snap off BUT you still cling to it because those are the very LAST STRAWS.  Bottomline is, once you have DODGED A BULLET, learn the hard lessons and get it embedded in you no less✅✅✅