Playing Victim?

Playing Victim?

Nope, we're NOT into drama and all those scripts BUT surely, you have heard of circumstances when one seems to be Playing Victim?  Frankly, Playing Victim is a tactic that lots of people use, either consciously OR unconsciously.  Sometimes, they do so because they believe that painting themselves as the injured party could benefit them in a certain situation or even, life in general⏳⏳⏳

And this all boils down to NEVER accepting responsibility for their actions, blaming everyone else for things that go wrong, and complaining that they're always the one who suffers even when that couldn't be farther from the truth.  BUT let's admit.  At some of point in our lives, all of us did Play Victim maybe once or twice, all because it's really part of human nature.  And the sad truth is that very few of us have that mental strength to accept responsibility for our mistakes every single time we make them💊💊💊

Having said all these, it can be frustrating and also a bit confusing to deal with someone whose default mode is the victim.  Now, here's an innocent question for us all:  HOW DO YOU KNOW IF SOMEONE's PLAYING THE VICTIM CARD deliberately?  And how do we deal with it?  Too bad people can be Playing Victim in all kinds of different ways.  How do we figure out one who's Playing Victim❓❓❓

So. what's our FIXes for this Playing Victim kind of thing?  Numero Uno, DON'T ever get dragged into emotions.  Problem is, when people start Playing Victim, emotions become part and parcel of the circumstance.  So, how do you deal with it?  Remain cool.  Be 'poker-faced'.  Just a single misstep can drag you into that quagmire.  Numero dos, DON'T BITE the BAIT as you may end up hapless victim by the Playing Victim📌📌📌

Note that those playing victim do deal in judgments and 'shoulds' in interaction with others.  They tend to operate based on assumptions.  Worse yet, angry and victimized feelings seem to be bottled up inside and worse, that may even lead to depression.  Whether you may end up Playing Victim or ending as a prey of someone Playing Victim, be wary of this❗❗❗

Patience Is More Than Waiting

Patience Is More Than Waiting

How often have we come across people WAITING & WAITING, not because they are 'lazy dogs' but rather because they believe they are exercising PATIENCE, which is technically true and correct but there's a loophole on that logic. Rumi, the 13th century Islamic Scholar was quoted: 'PATIENCE IS NOT SITTING & WAITING, IT IS FORESEEING .  IT IS LOOKING AT THE THORN AND SEEING THE ROSE.   That egged me to have this as our thread today for a simple reason. Patience Does NOT Mean Waiting.  As virtues go, PATIENCE is a quite one.  It's often exhibited behind closed doors, NOT on a public stage.  

Yet, PATIENCE is essential to our daily life.  Having PATIENCE means being able to wait calmly in the face of frustration and adversity.  So, anywhere where there is frustration or adversity, we have the opportunity to practice it.  In school [for students], at home with our kids, at work with our colleagues, PATIENCE can make the difference between annoyance and equanimity, between worry and tranquility.  However, experts have concluded that PATIENCE comes in many 'DIFFERENT STRIPES'

One, there is 'INTERPERSONAL PATIENCE', that virtue of simply facing annoying people with equanimity.  And studies show that those who are more PATIENT towards others also tend to be more hopeful in life whereas another type of PATIENCE involves those waiting for our life's hardships without frustration or despair.  Studies linked this kind of people to those having more hope in life

For those beating their chest because they have been WAITING, be more incisive for that kind of WAITING you are manifesting.  I can attest to have observed people [close enough] who thought they are so PATIENT by WAITING and WAITING.  He had a long list of options and that's all that matters even if the plans have gone awry❗❗❗

In the end, it's true that person managed to stretch his WAITING and WAITING till the last drop, till he ran out of options but where did that lead him to?   He was left high and dry, holding on to a bag of hopes that have gone the drain because he [wrongly] thought that by WAITING and WAITING, he was on the right side of things.  If there's one thing you CAN'T recoup, it is that LOST TIME, all lost on the pretext of WAITING❓❓❓

What Makes CHANGE Difficult

What Makes CHANGE Difficult

What Makes CHANGE Difficult?  It's all due to human nature.  We all love to remain in the comfort zone[s].  BUT the reality is, CHANGE can be seen all around us, and many times it's NOT even our choice at all.  Whether that CHANGE can be taking public transportation rather than taking an Uber/Grab, we all have personal behaviors where we wish we could adjust, stop or start.  From our tender age, we were introduced to CHANGE, some more often than others, and somewhere along, we end up developing our own perceptions💎💎💎

The mere mention of CHANGE may start to cause others to feel uneasy [at the very least].  And we often find ourselves resisting CHANGE, perhaps because of the PERCEIVED risk or fear associated with it.  I am NOT a Buddhist but do allow me to quote Buddha: 'CHANGE IS NEVER PAINFUL.  ONLY RESISTANCE TO CHANGE IS PAINFUL'.  Facing the mirror awhile ago, I asked myself, HOW MANY TIMES IN THE PAST I REFUSED or RESISTED CHANGE? After some soul searching, my answer is NONE, NADA, NICHTS, RIEN, ZILCH📌📌📌

Without unnecessarily divulging proprietary information, in my company's global organization, there are myriad of strategic initiatives plotted for execution within the years and topping the list is no less than all communications related to CHANGE as an initiative.  It is a global move with very high visibility because there is this consensus across the global organization that CHANGE is crucial enough to reverberate its impact, whether a CHANGE rollout becomes a success or failure⏳⏳⏳

Let's swing back into our personal lives and we could attest CHANGE has happened over and over again way beyond what we want.  A daughter WHO, for the first time, has to leave home and attend school in the capital city.  A daughter getting married.  Difficult changes would include putting up the family property FOR SALE [due to financial reasons].  A more difficult one might be a working parent [who's the family breadwinner] quitting work due to illness✅✅✅

To progress through a CHANGE stage, it is essential that we instill MOTIVATION toward the CHANGE.  One, by educating oneself on the behavioral change.  If I am an alcoholic and I want to CHANGE, I must listen/accept all the lessons and information about the disadvantages of being an alcoholic.  Securing your personal BUY-IN is 'primus inter pares', the very first among equals for us to disprove that CHANGE is DIFFICULT❓❓❓

When Can New Habits Come

When Can New Habits Come

When Can New Habits Come?  Can we buy it from Amazon?  Or from the online stores?  I stumbled across a study from Duke University researches who confirmed that HABITS account for approximately 40 percent of our behaviors on any given day.  For us to know and learn how to build new HABITS is essential for us to make progress in our life✅✅✅

BTW, I don't want to come clean [because no one on this planet] is as dainty and as immaculate because as humans, we have our faults.  BUT here's a BIG BUT.  Accepting that we do have this and that bad HABIT is a good first step for us to realize that we need to BREAK that bad HABIT as a first step.  To set expectations, however, breaking bad HABITS will entail you to summon your fortitude to decide WHEN to break it instead of being like a dog with all bark and nothing else❗❗❗

Yes, I grabbed this poster because it could be the most popular first question from any novice.  HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO CREATE A NEW HABIT? Here's our 2-cents.  First, as Former U.S. President Bill Clinton once said, KEEP IT SIMPLE.  Start with an incredibly small habit, something that is SO easy you just CAN'T say NO.  But hold on, what's the common retort we hear from people who want to have a new HABIT?  OH I NEED MORE MOTIVATION......  HOW I WISH I HAD MORE WILLPOWER LIKE YOU DO.  These are self-defeating statements💎💎💎

Oh Oh, I'm afraid this is the WRONG FIRST STEP.  Research shows willpower is like a muscle.  It gets fatigued as you use it throughout the day.  Another way to think of this is that your motivation EBBS and FLOWS.  It rises and falls.  Experts call this 'MOTIVATION WAVE'.  So, you got to solve this problem by picking a new HABIT that is easy enough⏳⏳⏳

Yesirrrrrs there is a SIGNAGE, this way to "NEW YOU" but to reset expectations, that is NOT a one-stop destination, that is NOT a 'catch all-have all; endpoint, that is NOT a point-to-point travel with an estimated travel time a.k.a. ETA for road warriors/travellers.  That 'NEW YOU' signage will simply lead you to the correct direction .  So, WHEN CAN NEW HABITS COME?  Start it NOW, pronto and constantly stick to it, then you'll be fine📌📌📌

EMPTY Exhaustion Versus FULFILLING FATIGUE

EMPTY Exhaustion Versus FULFILLING FATIGUE

If we all have a commonality in life, we all feel drained or zapped at various points in our daily life.  The question is, where is the RED SEA that sets apart the vast difference between an EMPTY Exhaustion Versus FULFILLING FATIGUE?  Those are two poles very much comparable to the gap between the skies and the ground.  Too bad some of us are unable to distinguish the huge difference between EMPTY Exhaustion Versus FULFILLING FATIGUE

IF we need to find role models, we can pick from those competitive sportsmen.  They follow a regimented training schedule even if they have to clock-in 4am or 11pm.  But outside of competitive sports, this is where we pity some of us.  Have you witnessed idle and effectively doing nothing many hours yet you would hear one yawning, confusing you whether you are seeing a legitimate EXHAUSTION or just a hollowed FATIGUE❓❓❓

To keep things as basic and as simple as possible, the very gauge is NOT simply whether you're physically/mentally manifesting a 'LOW BATTERY' but we got to validate our manifestation.  Was it caused because you just came home after working twelve pressurizing hours?  OR you just drove a 10-hr stretch?  OR did you spend the past hours on social media?  Switching from Meta/FB to IG to Twitter, name it.  OR you were in a to-and-fro video call with your pal, talking anything EXCEPT sense?

IF only we spent our time diligently.  IF only we enforced our time management efficiently.  IF only we stuck to our targeted tasks for the day.  IF only we DE-PRIORITIZED social media until your tasks have tapered off.   IF only you politely disengaged yourself from a 'nonsense conversation' even if that was with your BFF.  IF only you realized that any unutilized time is LOST time.  IF only you constantly reminded yourself to be accountable for every ticking minute of your 'awake' hours

With humility, I'll admit I NEVER went through this kind of predicament, wherein in the end, I would regret so much time has passed yet I was unable to DO what I needed to DO.  And as the old adage goes, regret comes only at the tail-end.  BUT given the choice, would you prefer yourself going through an EMPTY EXHAUSTION instead of a FULFILLING FATIGUE?  C'mon dude✅✅✅

Did You HEAR What You Wanted To HEAR?

Did You HEAR What You Wanted To HEAR?

No No No sirrrrs, our thread today is NOT about hearing problems that may need a hearing aid.  Instead, this is intended for everyone with NO hearing problems, per se.  Instead, we'd like to dig in and figure out why people with normal hearing capabilities are facing a different dilemma, and that's their tendency to HEAR WHAT THEY WANTED TO HEAR, period.  Do you follow me?  Can you relate to this.  If NOT you yourself, did you bear witness to some people whose hearing discipline is more SELECTIVE, a.k.a. FILTERED wherein they end up hearing ONLY WHAT THEY WANTED TO HEAR and nothing more❓❓❓

Heard of this fact:  Schools teach courses on HOW TO PRESENT.  BUT have you heard of courses on HOW TO LISTEN?  Very likely you haven't heard.  Oh Oh, well, LISTENING is the kind of skill that benefits from NOT just teaching but really WALKING THE TALK.  To take a step back, a participant in any conversation has two goals, namely to UNDERSTAND the message and to convey an INTEREST to it⏳⏳⏳

Now, before we swing to other people, how are you, how do you LISTEN?  Let me share HOW do I discern if the person I'm talking to is NOT sincerely LISTENING.  If he does NOT react OR comment at all to what I said, that is my reliable barometer that the person I'm talking to is NOT sincerely into that conversation.  OR to give that person the benefit of the doubt, maybe there's something that's mentally bothering him RIGHT NOW📌📌📌

So what's our FIX?  Let us understand that ACTIVE LISTENING has three aspects namely, COGNITIVE, EMOTIONAL and BEHAVIORAL.  The COGNITIVE piece expects us to pay attention to all the information.  The EMOTIONAL piece expects us to stay calm during the convu, including containing emotional reactions [e.g. are you getting annoyed OR bored]❗❗❗

Now, let's come up with a CHEAT SHEET.  

1. REPEAT the person's last words back
2. DON'T put it in your own words unless you need
3. OFFER non-verbal cues that you're listening
4. ASK more questions as it manifest listening
5. AVOID distractions during the conversation
6. APOLOGIZE if you can't understand something
7. RESPOND only once the person stopped talking
8. MANAGE your emotions as much as possible
9. Once the person is done, take a brief pause, then compose your thoughts  [as that takes a conscious effort] and since people think four times faster than the one talking, that's the time your brainpower starts to gain momentum

We hope that after your two-way interaction, you managed to HEAR NOT JUST THINGS YOU WANTED TO HEAR✅✅✅

Do The Things You LOVE

Do The Things You LOVE

No sirrrrrrs, we DON'T need to be kittens to DO THE THINGS YOU LOVE [to do]. It's just a hard fact in life that we got a myriad choices and options to do [especially during non-work days].  But the bigger question to everyone is, do you subscribe to this mantra Do The Things You LOVE?  If NOT, you must be threading scary waters.  Now, what sets apart billionaires from us?  Of course, they are crazy rich so our natural assumption would lead us to believe that $$$$$$ makes them happy?  NO sirrrrrrrrrrrs❗❗❗

Hmmmm, that may be [partly] true but $$$$$$ alone DOES NOT lead to SUSTAINABLE happiness if the other areas in your life are careening towards or actually becoming OUT of CONTROL.  So, this early, what's our FIX?  Studies tell us DO THE THINGS YOU LOVE, period.  Billionaire Warren Buffet was quoted 'DO SOMETHING YOU ENJOY ALL YOUR LIFE.  I URGE YOU TO WORK IN JOBS THAT YOU LOVE.  YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR MIND IF YOU KEEP TAKING JOBS YOU DON'T LIKE BECAUSE YOU THINK IT WILL LOOK GOOD ON YOUR RESUME'❗❗❗

Indeed, there are RISKS involved in chasing after that 'dream job'.  You DON'T just wake up one day and quit your job and the financial security of a steady paycheck to start a business.  BUT when you do discover the work or career that will spring you out of bed every morning, it will be totally worth it.  Many times in my life I have seen SQUARE PEGS in ROUND HOLES, whew.  Now, saying 'DO WHAT YOU LOVE' is easier said than done.  Look for your PURPOSE.  But you CAN'T have that PURPOSE without that PASSION, which comes from your DESIRE to make a difference✅✅✅

Allow me to 'zoom and sneak' into my private life.  WHY do I really LOVE going to market [even 'wet markets']?  WHY do I really LOVE going shopping [NOT just malling]? WHY do I keep blogging-blogging regardless if it comes right after I 'logout' from work OR deep into the night or even on a supposedly LAZY Sunday morning [like today]?  Dude, it's a no-brainer.  I LOVE, as in, LOVE doing all these.  Ask my wife for an attestation📌📌📌  

In a month's time, we [my wife and myself] are reaching our 16th year, a milestone countless naysayers were willing to bet [14-16 years ago] that ours will not last.  In my career, I stayed for 12 years in my first job and in my current job, I'm now 12 years and counting.  In conclusion, what helped me reach these milestones this long, both in my personal and professional life?  WHEN YOU LOVE WHAT YOU DO, it does not come out as an obligation to do but instead, it adds up as a contributor to make and keep you happy in life⏳⏳⏳

Weapons of 'MASS DISTRACTION' [This is NOT a Typo]

Weapons of 'MASS DISTRACTION' [This is NOT a Typo]

Weapons of 'MASS DISTRACTION.  No sirs, this is NOT a typo [unlike almost two decades ago when the western superpowers were all ganging up on Saddam Hussein's WEAPONS of MASS DESTRUCTION].  But please DON'T get me wrong, I am NOT against or aghast with all what social media offers us today because I do use this blogging tool and yes, I do use Meta too but this thread is NOT about social media

And BTW, what really distracts us is NOT just social media.  It COULD be music audio being played.  It COULD be that busybody in your neighborhood snooping around.  It COULD be the infant crying in the bedroom.  It COULD be an emergency ambulance blowing its horn nonstop along the road.  In short, we have a cacophonous combination of MASS DISTRACTION.  The question is, how do we handle all these❓❓❓

Indeed, we face two tough challenges in the light of all these distractions.  #1 is learning the tricks to handle it and #2 developing that self-discipline to handle it.  Studies show that in the United States, on average, the typical American gets distracted every eleven minutes and that it takes approximately twenty five minutes for you to settle down again to your task but regaining that LOST FOCUS for more complicated tasks is tougher than ever❗❗❗

Oh this pic looks like fiction but seriously, my naked eyes has witnessed this scenario a zillion times.  Pedestrians walking but so glued on that gadget.  Drivers behind the steering wheel BUT reading/texting an SMS [that's short messaging service].  These are real-life 'horror stories' and that vicious cycle has not been broken up even as we speak now.  So, WHY does it take time for us to RE-FOCUS back to our task?  This happens because our brain has to take considerable effort switching between objectives the person wants to pursue✅✅✅

What's our FIXes?  #1 STICK to your vision and goals in mind, period.#2 PRIORITIZE & PLAN your day right after you wake up.  #3 REDUCE the chaos in your daily life.  Much as you want to do 20 tasks, seriously, that's next to impossible.  #4 START + COMPLETE the prioritized tasks as per schedule, pronto.  #5 Drill-down and FOCUS on the smallest part of your task.  Many get lost because they are so enamored with the BIG PICTURE, period.  Lastly, control your CONTROLLABLE distractions, be it as simple as closing the door, turning off the Spotify music.  Be wary of today's WEAPONS of MASS DISTRACTION📌📌📌

PATIENCE May NOT Mean WAITING

 PATIENCE May NOT Mean WAITING

English may NOT be a language more complex than Russian BUT sadly, many of us continue to stand pat in WAITING and WAITING on the pretext that WAITING is a manifestation of PATIENCE.  Oh Oh this is a gross mix up.  Unfortunately, many questions we have in life require PATIENCE And that involves a big chunk of game-changing and life-changing decisions so PATIENCE May NOT Mean WAITING💎💎💎

Oh, when we were kids, we wade through a long season eagerly looking forward to the next.  We would wait.  Our birthday comes.  So does Halloween [and Trick or Treat].  As we grow, we anticipate being old enough to play a sport, to drive our own car and to vote as a citizen or to have our wisdom tooth pulled.  So, during those days, we sublimely learned 'delay gratification'.  Over time, we learned more💊💊💊

Over time, we may have heard or learnt that IMPULSE CONTROL and FRUSTRATION tolerance can have benefits.  Our lives abound in so many opportunities to practice developing these habits.  We should have heard stories that tell us that devoting TIME, MONEY and EFFORT can bring rewards that CANNOT be gained without FOCUS, HARD WORK and yes, that ability to DELAY GRATIFICATION📌📌📌

So, what's our FIXes?  First off, PREPARE.  If you want to migrate to France, learn French.  If ypu're about to onboard to a new organization, learn the new tools and systems, not just keeping to your existing skills set.  that's being PREPARED.  Secondly, Handle DISTRACTION deftly.  When WAITING becomes uncomfortable enough to derail us from being our normally efficient self, endeavor to SWITCH GEARS to another tack✅✅✅

Yes please, STOP WAITING IN LINE!  What do you gain by passively waiting in the queue?  Is it just being part of the bandwagon?  BUT are you sure everyone in that bandwagon share the same plan and goals as you have plotted for yourself?  Sadly, I know first-hand people who wasted decades of their life simply because they thought they were PATIENT enough when in line.  PATIENCE MAY NOT MEAN WAITING, dude❗❗❗

Are You Waiting For The Other Shoe To Drop, Really?

Are You Waiting For The Other Shoe To Drop, Really?

Are You Waiting For The Other Shoe To Drop, Really?  In simplest English, we're referring to manifestations by some who tend be so apprehensive or worried on something unfavorable that may happen next.  And what's the probability of that worry to happen?  Honestly, only God knows.  Could be anywhere between 1% to 99%.  So, really, the ask is Are You Waiting For The Other Shoe To Drop, Really❓❓❓

So what explains why some of us tend to be worrisome?  Scientific explanations do explain its common causes. and topping the list are people who repetitively think NEGATIVE thoughts to avoid NEGATIVE emotional contrasts.  Oh, there is a second jargon we got to grapple with, that's RUMINATION so let's differentiate WORRY vs RUMINATION. While WORRY refers to repetitive NEGATIVE thoughts about potentially unpleasant future events, RUMINATION refers to repetitive NEGATIVE thoughts concerning either present or past difficulties📌📌📌

So that's it.  RUMINATION refers to either present or past whereas WORRY refers to the future.  Despite these differences, RUMINATION and WORRY share much in common as both are peppered with NEGATIVITY, REPETITIVE and UNCONTROLLABLE circumstances.  Not to be an alarmist, both are also associated with mental illness⏳⏳⏳

So, here's what's bogging us.  What ties us up to repetitive NEGATIVE thinking?  Studies show that NEGATIVE repetitive thinking tends to decrease the chances of experiencing NEGATIVE emotional contrasts and instead, INCREASES the chance of experiencing POSITIVE emotional contrasts.  And here's a bit of a twisted take from some worrisome folks.  They would explain that they are focusing on the NEGATIVE because allowing themselves to feel happy leaves them vulnerable to feeling terrible in the end✅✅✅

So what's our FIX [f we can exhaust fixing this]:

• Challenge POSITIVE beliefs regarding the usefulness of repetitive NEGATIVE thinking
• Endeavor to reduce the SENSITIVITY to NEGATIVE emotional contrasts
• Try reducing SENSITIVITY to prolonged positive mood.

So let us NOT Wait For The Other Shoe To Drop❗❗❗