The Fish Rots From Its Head

The Fish Rots From Its Head

Allow me to borrow this French expression: The Fish Rots From Its Head.  Most would call this an ancient proverb of unknown origin but some speculate that it came from Greeks or even the Turks dating back from the 1600s and it comes from the idea that after the fish is caught and killed, it first begins to spoil at the head📌📌📌

Swinging back to our lives, the analogy here is to draw the parallelism to our family dynamics and interactions we have with the members of our family.  And what influences our family dynamics?  Obviously the influences of family dynamics will of course vary from family to family and will often include previous generations and it goes through the living generations⏳⏳⏳

Yes, class and culture [and even geographic locations] will also play key roles as to how family dynamics are established, maintained and [even] fractured down the road.  Common factors that would shape up family dynamics [based on current realities] are as follows:

• The nature and state of a parents' relationship
• A parent working overseas for many years.
• A mix of family members living under one roof
• The number of family household members
• Unique personalities of the family members

This leads us to dissect the impact to the family fabric brought about by unabated labor diasporas from Third World countries like India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, amongst others✅✅✅

So, where does this discourse lead us to our thread that The Fish Rots From Its Head?  Again, the onus really falls on the shoulders of the HEAD of the FAMILY.  He has very limited 'wiggle room', a very small room for error.  When he commits a faux pas that recurs, the impact goes down the family structure.  Sadly, I can attest [on a first person account] fathers who consistently remitted the monthly financial needs of the kids, equipping them with iPhones and premium laptops.  To relieve them of the burden of commuting in the midst of traffic gridlocks, the father leased a condo unit for the kids.  Three decades past, the children took nine years to complete a 4-year course.  Worse, they have been jobless the past years.  Not that the father is rotten but the lesson here is that even consistent financial support is NO guarantee that eventually the fish will NOT rot❗❗❗

Don't Color Outside The Lines

Don't Color Outside The Lines

Yesirrrrs, Don't Color Outside The Lines contrary to what this poster shows.  What's the  fuss here?  Thing is, one unwritten rule in life is BUT before we go on that line of thinking, let us agree for us to have those boundaries in life, in case one has not been pre-set.  WHY?  We all want to be fair, kind and loving to the people we care about.  Sometimes, that means going out of our way for them.  At other times, it means putting up with a certain amount of CRAP.  And in the long run, we hope and bet on the odds that it's worth it for relationships to have that GIVE-and-TAKE.  However, giving out love without any boundaries can carry a risk to our own self⏳⏳⏳

We all know that it's important to have boundaries.  On paper, it makes perfect sense to have boundaries.  BUT when we try to put our assertiveness to the test, we often flounder.  Others may refer to us as "DEPENDDABLE" and as someone who can always be counted on.  BUT when we need help, there is NO reciprocation.  Harsh reality❗❗❗

So, WHY is it so hard for us to have boundaries?  WHAT makes us trapped in trying to please others?  HOW does our anger and anxiety start turning inward as we struggle with our inability to say "NO"?  Truth is, that boundary is our LITMUS TEST.  You can discover whether you have an issue with boundaries by doing a simple test📌📌📌

Take a situation of yours that you suspect might be a boundary issue.  Some hints might be that you feel guilty or angry after a particular interaction with someone else.  Most likely, that other person has said, done or implied something that made you feel obligated.  Why is it sometimes we end up offending someone?  Likely we went overboard and went beyond boundaries.  And if we want to spell boundaries in a shortcut, it is spelled P-R-I-V-A-C-Y✅✅✅

Unfortunately, we all share one common but very SERIOUS challenge and that's social media !@$%  WHY?  Because social media is even complicit to the breaches of boundaries that many of us end up enduring.  And this is where we, as responsible persons, should PUT A CAP.  We have all the freedoms in life and you're fine as long as you DON'T COLOR OUTSIDE THE LINES❗❗❗

Bonus Points While Playing Safe?

Bonus Points While Playing Safe?

Who wants BONUS?  Everyone wants it, right?  Who wants to play SAFE?  A lot of us are comfortable with that, right?  Now here's the catch.  Are we aware that there are NO Bonus Points While Playing Safe?  Exactly, that's our common faux pas.  We all want to have the cake and eat it too but dude, not all things in life are served on a platter.  Even if you join those fun events that are designed for winners to surface based on sheer luck, those BONUS POINTS just DON'T come as easy as twiddling your thumb.  You gotta grind.  You gotta kick your own ass.  You gotta work like a DAWG no less.  This destroys the myth that there are Bonus Points While Playing Safe❔❔❔

This all revolves around our mindsets with regard those BONUS POINTS a.k.a. INCENTIVES.  And at UC San Diego USA their studies have shown that INCENTIVES send signals and our objective is to make sure that signal gets aligned to our goal[s].  Even those Grab abd Uber drivers who are paid per ride have that INCENTIVE to drive really fast and there are a lot of problems that are associated with that📌📌📌

Sometimes there are INCENTIVES in life that have gone wrong.  At the Wells Fargo [U.S.] Bank, they wanted to increase their number of accounts so they incentivized the bank employees with a rewards system with a simple message:  GO OUT & SELL MORE.  But with no CHECKS & BALANCEs on their incentives, employees ended up creating more than three million false credit card accounts.  In the end, Wells Fargo had to fire 5,000 employees for such a debacle.  We may be talking about commercials now but we can easily draw a parallelism that there are NO BONUS POINTS BY PLAYING SAFE💎💎💎

BTW I love this poster because it didn't hold back saying "DOING NOTHING IS EASY.  THAT'S WHY SO MANY PEOPLE DO IT".  I really do love this poster because it points fingers all over the place.  So, this explains why we see dismal outputs and performances all over the place.  So, this explains why the whole nine yards is cluttered with snafus, snags, mistakes, failures and worst, blunders✅✅✅

All these are akin to paying someone to go to the gym and it works NOT until you remove that financial incentive.  So, this all boils down to HABITS.  Now let's even swing over to those games of chance and luck in life, which is fine.  Things go off-track when we start to inflate our expectations, hoping to reap the best dividends that are NOT in proportion to the efforts we exerted.  When things are not equitable anymore, do we still deserve those BONUS POINTS in life❓❓❓

Catch Lightning In A Bottle?

Catch Lightning In A Bottle?

Still expecting to Catch Lightning In A Bottle?  Not by a china man's chance, dude.  But our most common problem is the blurring between excellence and perfection.  Oh well, this is a given.  When we strive for EXCELLENCE, we set the bar, the standards high enough.  And DON'T get me wrong.  Setting high standards can encourage us to make improvements, solve problems amongst others.  On the other hand, PERFECTIONISM  is just an impossibly high standard with no room for imperfections and worse, no compassion for mistakes.  And sadly, high standards may be a stretch to achieve but they are that attainable.  They are things that we can reasonably accomplish with effort, practice and persistence.  They are things that we can reasonably accomplish with PATIENCE + PERSISTENCE📌📌📌

BUT again, you still expect to to Catch Lightning In A Bottle?  So sorry folks.  NOT to dampen your spirit BUT pursuing perfection is futile.  I just can NEVER be achieved.  And yet, perfectionists pursue impossibly high standards even when doing so negatively affects their health and even relationships with their loved ones.  Moreover, having impossibly high standards adds stress to everything you do.  It can even be demoralizing because you can never meet your impossibly high standards💎💎💎

To Catch Lightning In A Bottle may lead you to constantly feel like a failure regardless of how much you may have accomplished.  And setting impossibly high standards for others and even your family and co-workers may lead to nagging, frustration and worse, arguing negatively impacts relationships as things seem to erode till its beyond repair⏳⏳⏳

I love this funny poster but it says a lot and I can't agree less with its truism.  Now, do you still contemplate to indeed Catch Lightning In A Bottle?  Now, to further position perfectionism versus excellence.  People who strive for excellence can accept that mistakes are inevitable and value what they learn from them.  They DON'T let mistakes define them.  BUT perfectionists see mistakes as evidence of their inadequacy or inferiority.  They even expect to know everything✅✅✅

If you're still dreaming to indeed catch a lightning in a bottle,  look at all our smart devices.  It always offers us to do a RESET/RESTORE factory settings after probably enduring so much frustration because of us being so stubborn to still hope to catch a lightning in a bottle❓❓❓

When In A 'KITCHEN SINK' Situation?

When In A 'KITCHEN SINK' Situation?

Certain life changes can ROCK you to your core.  Others leave you wondering what's the point of it all.  When these feelings overtake you, you may be experiencing an 'EXISTENTIAL CRISIS', a situation that can evolved into a difficult and sometimes an unbearable When In A 'KITCHEN SINK' Situation❔❔❔

Psychologists define EXISTENTIAL CRISIS as a normal transitional phase that many of us do experience.  Here's quite a scary scenario:  When something in your life makes you confront that you will die at some point, and that's whether someone in your life dies, there's an illness or something similar, you might then start to ask questions about WHERE YOU ARE in life.  So you might blurt out, WHAT DOES THESE ALL MEAN?  The studies of psychologists show that there's usually a TURNING POINT and moment of awareness that's often linked with worrying about death.  That TURNING POINT triggers a A 'KITCHEN SINK' Situation📌📌📌

That TURNING POINT causes people to think about and question the meaning in their lives.  They look at what they're doing and WHY they're doing it.  They may have profound feelings of dissatisfaction about where they are in life.  BTW, no one is immune from getting into A 'KITCHEN SINK' Situation.  Many times in the past, I've been in that 'KITCHEN SINK' situation and many times I kinda jumped straight from the frying pan into the fire⏳⏳⏳

A financial crisis is another trigger of A 'KITCHEN SINK' Situation.  Even that idea about death, we can keep it at bay for a long time but when that coronavirus pandemic hit us all, death was so suddenly FRONT & CENTER for many people.  It's like they were running on a hamster wheel everyday just trying to catch up.  But so suddenly, that dreaded pandemic stopped that wheel.  People then slowed down enough to start to wonder 'WHY AM I ON THIS WHEEL?  DO I EVEN WANT TO BE ON IT?  WHY DO I KEEP GOING?'  People then started to question the things that they had been doing in a rote way.  It's really all about the meaning of it all💎💎💎

So before we all get shocked to be in A 'KITCHEN SINK' Situation, here are the most common triggers:

• Death of a loved one 
• Illness/Grave medical situation
• Sudden change in circumstances, e.g. an unexpected job loss
• Age-related 'LIFE CHANGE', e.g. kids leaving home

Where possible, never get into A 'KITCHEN SINK' Situation✅✅✅

Those Doubting Thomases

Those Doubting Thomases

No sirrrrrrs, our piece today is NOT about religion or more so Christianity, not at all.  Instead, we'd like to zero-in on real life situations we all come across when there are Those Doubting Thomases.  And today, I read an article on Dwayne Wade who was kind of bashed for taking a minority ownership with the NBA Utah Jazz ballclub instead of Miami Heat where he retired💊💊💊

Now, please allow me to quote Dwayne Wade:  'WHEN PEOPLE STILL DOUBT YOU, GO FAR AWAY SO YOU WON'T HEAR THEIR NOISE'.  Oooops that did hit things on the nail's head and I came to realize that that's a valid statement.  No need to run your counter-arguments and no need to waste time reacting to noises in the periphery which remain as NOISES at that and nothing else.  And if you are perturbed, indeed, as Dwayne Wade said, GO FAR AWAY⏳⏳⏳

I did run into all these fracas and noise in the past.  Some quarters doubted me as to my capabilities, as to how far can I go, reach and end up in my journey.  So, how did I handle things?  I went so far away such that I DON'T & WON'T hear all those Doubting Thomases.  End result, I managed to disprove all those doubts about me💎💎💎

So how exactly did I handle those situations?  First off, I literally 'SHUT OFF' all my eavesdropping around me.  But this action is a double-bladed step because once you SHUT OFF, if there are good advices, you can miss them out so how did I tweak things?  I did that selective filtering so that my eardrums remained wide and open to anything coming from my spouse/partner, loved ones and my most trusted circle📌📌📌

To recap, allow me to share this cycled diagram I stumbled across.  It is fairly simple but this cycle is ensconced on two feet firmly on the ground.  First off, stand pat and firm on things you really believe in.  No amount of pressure and coercion can throw you off your saddle on that.  Secondly, when doubts linger, DON'T accept such doubts hook, line and sinker.  As this poster goes, DOUBT YOUR DOUBTS because it's your call [and NOT the Doubting Thomases]✅✅✅

When That Weight Starts To Wear You Down

When That Weight Starts To Wear You Down

No sirrrrrs, our piece today is NOT related to either weight loss or weight gain.  Instead, we'd like to spend a bit of time about those burdens in life.  BTW, no one wears teflon to keep one immune from the burdens in our life.  Whether you were born with a silver spoon or you grew up the hard way, we all go through that gauntlet to test our mettle.  The biggest question though is how do we handle our life When That Weight Starts To Wear You Down⏳⏳⏳

All of us experience times when we are overwhelmed with our BURDENS.  Even our patience and hope wear thin as our energy is drained under the weight of our responsibilities.  We then feel helpless and discouraged and wonder if there is any way to escape such troubles.  So, the bigger question is, when your heart feels heavy and your body weary, what's next❓❓❓

Injury.  Illness.  Unemployment.  And even strained relationships that end up.  There are one too many burdens in our life.  I'm no Buddhist but allow me to quote one of Buddha's teachings which says:  'WANT WHAT YOU HAVE AND TO NOT WANT WHAT YOU DON'T HAVE'.  In simpler terms, let us embrace our life AS IT IS rather than as YOU WISHED IT TO BE.  Being present means being present to the life that you have RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW and when we embrace it all, that gives us a better chance to enjoy life💎💎💎

Another tip given by psychology SMEs to us is to 'TAKE YOUR TIME'.  As the story of the tortoise and the hare goes. SLOW & STEADY wins the race.  By being in a hurry , we actually seem to thwart our own success.  We even end up getting ahead of ourselves.  And in the end, we are more prone to commit more mistakes than what is normal.  And I'm guilty if this [MANY TIMES in the past] wherein I tend to cut corners then I usually end up paying for it later.  We may learn the easy way but not necessarily the best way.  To quote an old adage: "THE SLOWER YOU GO, THE SOONER YOU GET THERE"✅✅✅

Now for the hard part.  Let us accept the fact that successes and failures are part of life's journey.  We're all learning and NO ONE gets it right every time.  Now, for our achilles heel, that's our tendency to NEGLECT what matters most, and that's our relationships with our loved ones.  BTW, such relationships DON'T happen magically but instead, they grow and get sustained through our attentive and consistent care.  And When That Weight Starts To Wear You Down, our relationships with our loved ones should NEVER be impacted❗❗❗

Listening Is At The Core of Our Communications Problems

Listening Is At The Core of Our Communications Problems

Are we having communications problems almost everywhere many times of our waking hours?  Yes, Listening Is At The Core of Our Communications Problems but this is NOT due to the lack of such communications but instead, this all boils down to the fact that many of us are [apologies to be frank and blunt here] poor listeners, period⏳⏳

Truth is, LISTENING is more than just being physically present when another person is talking.  It goes way beyond that.  Instead, anyone who has deployed a disengaged 'hmmmmm' while one's spouse or partner is asking about dinner.  But LISTENING [and NOT just hearing] means a lot more than that.  And for us to commit ourselves to be an ACTIVE listener augurs well as it opens up the horizons of communications💊💊💊

The rules of thumb of basic LISTENING are fairly simple but it's for us to embrace those basic behaviors that augurs well for healthy communications and a most auspicious way to start is for us to SHUT UP and LISTEN.  And while that may sound simple, it's actually an important FIRST STEP.  Now, let's get into semantics💎💎💎

In case we're mixed up, let's juggle the spelling of L-I-S-T-E-N and we will end up with S-I-L-E-N-T.  A quick disclaimer though.  NOT everyone deserves your time or attention.  The foundation of LISTENING is RESPECT so you DON'T need to put up with folks who disrespect your boundaries.  When someone is done speaking, take a bit of what the person said and add a bit to it.  This is REFLECTIVE LISTENING❗❗❗

WHY is there an unabated uptick of arguments that lead to squabbles then worsening to an argument that goes out of hand to become a full-blown conflicts and for couples, many even end up divorcing?  Easily, 30% of this vicious cycle is caused by the absence of a GOOD LISTENER.  Indeed, Listening Is At The Core of Our Communications Problems ✅✅✅

Do You Have A Card Or Two To Play?

Do You Have A Card Or Two To Play?

French Writer Francois Marie Arouet a.k.a. Voltaire once said: 'EACH PLAYER MUST ACCEPT THE CARDS LIFE DEALS HIM OR HER; BUT ONCE THEY ARE IN HAND, HE OR SHE MUST ALONE DECIDE HOW TO PLAY THE CARDS IN ORDER TO WIN THE GAME'.  In any casino even way out of THE STRIP [in Reno, Las Vegas], once the dealer deals all the cards, the players have to play whatever cards they were given.  In short, they have to play the cards to the best of their ability.  They have to live OR die with the hand that was dealt to them.  They have to do their best with the hand they were given.  Now, Do You Have A Card Or Two To Play❓❓❓

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Life is a lot like a game of cards.  We all are dealt a hand and whether good or bad, we have to play that hand according to the rules of the GAME of LIFE.  In fact, we live or die with the hand that was dealt to us.  We do their best with the hand we were given.  And no matter how UNFAIR we think our hand is, we just can't trade it in⏳⏳⏳

However, as in most card games, every player has a chance to pluck meaning pick new cards can be added to each player's hand.  If you get enough plucks you can even replace your original hand and the only scary thing is you NEVER know which card you will pluck.  In life, we all are given opportunities, BIG time and more small ones.  Sometimes these opportunities hit us like a ton of bricks and we would be dumb if we didn't take them.  But sometimes, things can be a bit more subtle💎💎💎

Regardless, we are all given opportunities in life.  Yet, these opportunities are worthless if we squander them.  If you get an opportunity, please DON'T let it go to waste, take full advantage of it no matter how big OR small.  DON'T let any opportunity pass you by even if it's nothing more than a networking event❗❗❗

You might NOT meet your business partner or that person who's going to take your career to the next level but you MIGHT meet the person who knows someone who can.  Winning in this game of life has little to do with the cards you were dealt and more to do with how you play them.  Just because some of us were born poor doesn't mean we will lost from birth.  It just meant we were dealt a bad hand BUT not all is lost.  Eventually, you get your turn to pluck a card for a chance at another opportunity.  Make sure you HAVE A CARD OR TWO TO PLAY✅✅✅

ALWAYS Ace The Test

ALWAYS Ace The Test

Would you believe, there is a plurality of our population who would loathe or hate any TEST that comes into one's life but do you know that it's NOT that we can choose our battles.  TESTS come into our life as a 'FORCE MAJEURE'.  It comes NOT because it is our choice or preference.  Instead, it comes because it has to come even at our weakest point, at our lowest point in life.  No amount of power and/or influence can even stall or delay things once a TEST is about to hit us.  All we need to do is this:  ALWAYS Ace The Test💊💊💊

No matter our cultural background or our work/vocation, everyday we get confronted with various challenges.  You got a warning from our university professor for a possible marginal academic result, you caused a slip-up at work, you offended your partner or spouse but with no ill intentions, your business partner/supplier reneged on his contract to supply you your raw materials, you hit a financial patch, etc📌📌📌

What do we do?  Not to over-complicate things, we got two options namely, to accept these challenges and face it head on OR you resist or ignore them, hoping and praying that it will just go away and dissipate in thin air.  But let us accept this harsh reality that those challenges are very much closely woven into the fabric of our lives⏳⏳⏳

Now, have we wondered what the purpose of your life is?  Most common answers will be either success, happiness OR satisfaction.  But all these are worthwhile goals, the real purpose of our life is to [REALLY] face each of the challenges every TEST.  In a nutshell, life is a TEST for you to be and become your BEST SELF [and no less than that]✅✅✅

Now, while we cannot choose most of the tests we face in life, we can choose most of our tests in life, we can choose how we're going to face them.  Are we going to have a miserable experience, crumble under pressure, run away or avoid such TESTS in life?  OR are we going to find our inner strength to rise to such challenges and fully actualize our own potential?  Bottom line here is to really ALWAYS ACE THE TEST❗❗❗