Stop Wanting So Badly

 

Stop Wanting It So Bad [AND LIKELY YOU'LL HAVE IT].  BUT it's human nature for us to be tempted to spend $$$$$$ even WHEN we are on a budget.  OR even perhaps we are trying to give up watching silly TV programs OR those video games.  SO, WHAT should we do WHEN we want to stop wanting something?  Sometimes, the answer seems counter-intuitive BUT it may be surprisingly simple📗📙📘

SO HOW?  Experts do advise us that as a first step, we should admit that we want something that we have decided it so badly [OR sometimes even so wrongly].  To an extent that we would tell ourselves to ignore that desire and we end up admonishing our own selves if we continue to want it [up to the point of being obsessive].  That dance between our desires and in our attempts at self-discipline creates a tension that, unfortunately, can only be resolved by eventually giving in and having the thing.  Instead, to fully admit that we want WHATEVER it is.  SO HOW did I go through this dilemma before?  After I admitted my own WANTING, I told myself just to get things done [although it may seem admitting that we desire something and then NOT getting it would be torture BUT you'll be surprised to find that the opposite s true.  In fact, it can actually relieve that tension😌😌😌

One thing that challenged me head-on was that inner conflict I had then WHEN WHAT I wanted was sometimes NOT consistent with my behavior then.  YES, I realized then that you can want something and still choose NOT to have it OR do it.  And one way to do this is to make decisions about your behavior before you are tempted with the opportunity.  LIKE if you are attending a company OR networking event for the second year in a row.  Like last year, knowing that drinking alcohol takes you off your game, you decided you DIDN'T want to have any drinks.  BUT once you arrived, you found beautiful glasses full of tasty wine everywhere you turned and then, you caved in.  You would have been much more likely to keep this promise if you had dedicated more than just a passing thought to the goal before for the actual event took place.  WHEN I reached those crossroads, I was confronted with a couple of questions I was hard pressed to respond to💥💥💥

Questions like:  WHY was that restraint important to me?  HOW will I behave if someone offers me a drink?  Would there be any exceptions?  Is there a way my plan to reward myself for complying with my own request?  And HOW can I best support myself in keeping that promise?  I realized that admitting WHAT I wanted and keeping it separate from WHAT I do about is a habit that can build into the discipline we have always wanted for ourself. BUT like all good things, start small and work on it💧💧💧

Our takeaway:  Looking back, I noticed HOW I felt WHEN we do something we wish we HADN'T but instead, pay attention only to the facts.  Another realization was that part of least resistance by learning to become the 'creative force' in my life. Oh Oh, I wish I could say I thought up the ideas on HOW to change behavior patterns all on my own BUT the seed for that wisdom came to me quite donkey years ago.  The hard-earned lessons that resonated through my travails is that, NEVER force your something on something that may NOT be for you.  BUT if at all it is intended for you, it will come.  Trust me, dude!!!

Was Your Personal Credentials Compromised?

 

These numbers from 2024 may seem obsolete BUT these are like current statistics WHICH should send shrivers through our spine.  Just for email addresses alone, 183 million accounts and their associated data have been breached.  BUT let's NOT understate it because those numbers are beyond statistically alarming.  Unfortunately, breaches are an unfortunate reality of this digital era.  Chances are, some of the companies to WHOM we trusted our personal data are going to get potentially hacked📗📙📘

In straight terms, some of the data stored in servers [way beyond our control] may be going to be leaked.  And if you've been online for a long time, that means quite a bit of your and my data is floating around various corners of the internet.  And WHILE there is no single centralized database for all those stolen credentials on the web, one researcher compiled quite a fairly large database, which later we can check if your OR my email address/accounts were somehow breached beyond our awareness💧💧💧

To quote from lifehacker.com, Cybersecurity research company SYNTHIENT has compiled a massive database of stolen credentials from [almost] countless sources across the internet.  Guess HOW big is that compiled breached data?  It is 3.5 terabytes !@#$%? And to quote lifehacker.com further,  the database itself contains [hold your breath] 183 million email addresses alongside the websites they were associated to [I'll admit my own email address is one amongst those breached data ].  Check this site if you may:  https://haveibeenpwned.com/ by typing your email address/acount [with NO passwords]💥💥💥

As such, if your email address happens to be one of the breached data, that will show up and likely, your next question is:  WHAT SHOULD YOU DO? Change your password ASAP, pronto, immediately because the best countermeasure with the least efforts you need to exert.  NOT to be threatening BUT if someone attempts to access your compromised credentials, your exposed data becomes a potentially serious risk❌❌❌

Our takeaway:  UNLESS you DON'T have an email account [WHICH I really doubt that you DON'T have], I very strongly encourage you to consider visiting that above-mentioned site and check if your personal credentials was/were one of the compromised ones.  If you're skeptical about this 2-cents advice, we leave things as it is, hoping you're personal data remain very much uncompromised till to date😡😡😡

Fishing For Trout In Saltwater Is NO MEAN FEAT

 

Fishing for trout in saltwater is NO mean feat.  By analogy, even as we are constantly obsessed to find for opportunities, finding and exploring in a wrong approach may NOT land us to catch that trout as we dreamt of.  Looking for opportunities in a wrong way can mean being reactive instead of proactive, sometimes ending up for us to be focusing on negative aspects instead of seeing potentials OR ending up being overwhelmed by the sheer number of possibilities.  It can also involve NOT leveraging on our existing 'networks' or even missing subtle cues about opportunities disguised as 'problems'📘📙📗

At the workplace, a lot of us [and that includes me sometime in my not so distant past] fail at work and even in life because we tend to focus too much on the obstacle rather on the opportunity at hand.  I'm sure it is often true to many of us.  And WHEN something goes wrong, we spend donkey hours and even days and weeks dissecting it.  Then, we often refer to those episodes as 'post mortems' [whew, I had a fair share of it many times in the past], which, literally means, 'after death'📌📌📌

Nope, I'm NOT suggesting that we should stick our heads in the sand.  BUT I do think we should spend more of our time and our resources focused on WHAT we want to create, WHERE we have been successful, and HOW we can leverage our strengths.  That age-old story of David and Goliath provides us an excellent example of someone WHO focused on the opportunities rather than the obstacle😕😕😕

Whether we are Christians OR not, I guess we have heard that thousands of sermons have been preached about that David and Goliath Story and even hundreds of books have been invested on it.  NOW, skimming back quickly to that story, before David arrived on the battlefield, everyone was focused on the problem, which is Goliath.  No wonder, the eventual champion of the Philistines was nine feet four inches tall and WHO can ignore that kind of behemoth?  And in the midst of that, David arrives on the scene and sees Goliath😡😡😡

Our takeaway:  As everyone knows, David won it BUT NOT because of sheer size WHERE he was severely handicapped BUT because he put more focus on the opportunity and NOT on the obstacle.  Perhaps, if we were David, we would have spent more time focusing on the problem, analyzing Goliath and digging deeper into the problem and trying to understand the various options before us.  NOT David BTW as he NEVER flinched.  Takeaway here is we should rethink about FISHING FOR TROUT IN SALTWATER!!!

Finding The GOOD In The BAD

 

WHEN we're going through something difficult, I'll be the first to admit that it's doubly hard to think positively.  And if you're already feeling depressed OR anxious, it even becomes that harder.  You might even have a hard time noticing anything good about your situation OR about your very life.  BUT that can become a 'double whammy' because if you'll get into that situation, that may even put you on track for that downward spiral.  Thinking positively NOT only feels better than simply thinking negatively.  BUT more than that, it may also help you find ways to improve your situation.  So, HOW do we find the GOOD in a BAD situation💚💛💜

To be happier WHEN we're dealing on something that's tough, as the more common advice goes, we can consciously look for that bright side of life's challenges.  As an example, we can reframe the thought itself.  LIKE 'WHY was I unlucky to have my bike stolen?'  to 'I'm lucky to still have my insurance coverage to buy the newer bike I've been wanting to.  And WHEN you take that approach, experts tell us that it is likely you'll feel better by then💧💧💧

LIKE if you're into dire financial straits, be positive that you still have your home, your family and your basic daily needs met.  BUT of course, you DON'T stop there, right?  If you're facing that home mortgage payment which have compounded with the skyrocketing interest, pick up the phone OR visit your mortgagee bank so that you can propose a restructuring OR refinancing.  LIKE you just went through a serious medical illness, be thankful that you did survive the ordeal and you're very much alive now.  Of course you DON'T stop there because you've got be steadfast to go through a rigorous therapy program.  LIKE if you're grieving when a loved one died, be thankful that your loved one does NOT need to suffer again from that ordeal before he/she passed away.  LIKE if you're given the pink slip because of an economic downturn, be thankful that you are skilled and experienced enough.  Imagine if you're a fresh and very raw graduate from the university???

BUT I'll play devil's advocate here.  All these scenarios I did rattle off awhile back might risk leaving the impression that we should be able to turn every negative into a positive.  NO sirrrrrrrs.  NOT guaranteed.  In reality, it can feel forced OR even futile to tell ourselves upbeat stories about life's biggest hardships.  Here comes the experts WHO tell us that sometimes we forget about those BIG STRESSORS as they tend to come in complex situations.  Take that Covid-19 Pandemic as the threat of illness was threatening BUT many of us enjoyed more time with our family💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  Some of life's BIG STRESSORS can be super negative BUT positive things can still happen out of it.  And even as stresses are complex and heterogeneous, experts advise us that another way to feel better is NOT to change the meaning of anything BUT instead, let us zero-in on those positive elements and just focus on that.  That distinction might seem subtle BUT WHAT that means we DON'T have to feel pressured to feel grateful OR optimistic about a difficult experience in its entirety.  Instead, we're just invited to pay attention to some of the smaller good things that happen alongside it.  In a nutshell,  even overcast and gloomy skies will still show a streak of sunlight at some point.  YES, we can still FIND THE GOOD IN THE BAD😀😀😀

Your NORTH STAR?

 

Your NORTH STAR?  WHETHER your NORTH STAR is a dream, your goal OR your lifetime inspiration, you're right, we've got to have that NORTH STAR in life!  For alignment, NORTH STAR is metaphorically defined as something that could represent your core values, your guiding principles OR even your overaching purpose that provides direction and meaning to your life.  Assuming you're NOT consciously aware of your NORTH STAR, let's go📘📙📗

The reality, however, is that [culling from my past experiences] many of us [at one point I was guilty of this] really DON'T take the time to think about WHAT fuels them, WHAT guides them, and WHAT they were put on this planet to achieve, if at all.  It's true life has a way of keeping us distracted and focused only on the moment.  Day after day and week after week, many people go to work without much thought of anything else.  That's sad, right❌❌❌

BUT I beg to defer that by default, we should really live life like that, right?  Because I believe we are built to do so much more than just to simply survive.  Because we are built to thrive and build a life that we love, NOT just make a living.  One of the true joys really living life is to be of help to anyone other than yourself.  And it's even heartwarming WHEN I end up helping someone WHICH, as an afterthought, I believe that helping is one of my NORTH STARs😁😁😁

Frankly, finding your NORTH STAR would VERY LIKELY help you live a more purposeful life, NOT to say that you are NOT living one now BUT somehow it gives us a reference point to keep ourselves moving in the right direction.  And it DOESN'T mean that life ISN'T still challenging.  Of course, we all have our UPs and DOWNs BUT it's entirely different if we're living with a purpose because by then, it will be much easier for us to stay on track and weather the storms that come our way.  That's WHEN our NORTH STAR really comes into the equation😔😔😔

Our takeaway:  Now let's drill and dice things because we can keep repeating NORTH STAR but it might sound hollow.  Instead, we can do a pulse check of ourselves and ask ourselves, WHAT gets you motivated and WHAT gets you inspired?  And WHAT are the causes and beliefs that will get you out of bed in the morning, rain OR shine, fired up and ready to go?  Yes, DON'T be surprised if you realize that your passion about causes and beliefs DON'T even tie up to your work BUT it could be your NORTH STAR!!!

Life Is NOT Just RED Or BLUE

 

I'd rather NOT delve into COLOR PSYCHOLOGY because that's a foreign domain to me BUT having said that, it's inevitable that we sometimes veer about colors because Life Is NOT Just RED Or BLUE because it's NOT our choice or expectation that WHEN we see RED , we seem energized?  OR WHEN we see BLUE , we feel calmed and relaxed?  So it behooves that we listen to the insights of artists WHO, for the longest time, believe that COLOR can dramatically affect our moods, feelings and emotions📗📙📘

So YES, even as layman, it's NOT difficult to agree that COLOR is a powerful communication tool and it can be used to signal action, OR influence mood OR even influence physiological reactions as certain COLORS are associated with physiological changes, including increased blood pressure, increased metabolism, and eyestrain.  Just like today, we're about to celebrate an event, I decided to be attired with fiery red shirt with matching maroon socks and my tangerine walking shorts💚💜💛

NOT to showcase my Mazda CX-5 [because it's like 9 years old now], BUT WHEN I bought it then, I decided to fork out quite an additional premium cost WHEN I decided that SOUL RED model.  WHY?  It's because I want that WHENEVER I drive my CX-5 , it will in a way influence me even before I get into the driver's seat.  In short, I want to feel that I am energized enough and NOT lethargic once I drive it💥💥💥

In short, as I'm stepping out of my home in a bit, I believe I have that fiery spirit in me now, energized to  outwit the simmering heat of summer.  YES, while COLOR may seem so trivial to be deserving as a thread, it can play an important role in conveying information, creating certain moods and even influencing the decisions people make.  COLOR preferences also exert an influence n the objects people choose to purchase, the clothes they wear, and the way they adorn their environments✅✅✅

Our takeaway:  Much as COLOR itself seems so trivial, please DON'T shun it off OR just simply sweep it under the rug once you start your day because I can attest that COLORs really does factor-in and influence our energy.  And WHAT else do we want but to be energized, right? Rather than be lethargic because that will be a struggle, a drag as you carry on with your activities for the rest of the day [NOT to mention if you will be driving through those traffic gridlocks OR you'll be going for a long drive.  YES dude, LIFE IS NOT JUST RED OR BLUE😍😍😍

Even As The Raft Will Drift, The Lotus Will Reunite

 

Sifting through my current events updates over in Malaysia, Nurul Izzah, the smart daughter of its PM Anwar Ibrahim, confirmed she was joining the fray as a deputy president candidate for the upcoming PKR elections.  And as she noted that everything, including the kitchen sink, seems to be thrown on her even from within the PKR party, she lamented that EVEN AS THE RAFT WILL DRIFT, eventually THE LOTUS WILL REUNITE📗📙📘

Indeed, this has been the perennial challenge everyone of us will face, WHEN the real nemesis will come from within your family, your party, your own aggrupation.  p.s. Let's exclude the woes of politicians because they live in the rough-and-tumble world of the rowdy world of politics.  BUT for us laymen, life is always full of UPs and DOWNs.  One day, we may feel like we have figured things out.  Then, things become fluid💧💧💧

In a moment's notice, we could be thrown that dreaded curve ball.  YES, you're NOT alone in those feelings.  Everyone of us has to face their own set of challenges. Learning HOW to overcome those challenges will help us stay centered, on course and remain calm even WHEN we are under intense pressure and stress.  True, everyone has his/her own preferences for HOW to face a challenge in life📌📌📌

NOW, much as I'll share HOW did I go through all these in life, the caveat here is that there is NO ONE SIZE THAT FITS ALL.  I can only share HOW I extricated myself BUT WHETHER one can replicate WHAT I did to his/her situation, it's something you will have to figure out tweaking and fine-tuning it to adapt to your very unique circumstances.  BUT first and foremost, we got to have a PLAN.  MAKE A PLAN.  WHILE you DON'T know WHAT is going on to happen in the future, you can plan ahead and look at the shaping patterns in your life and see WHAT challenges you've struggled with😌😌😌

Our takeaway:  I've been in that quagmire countless times and WHAT kept my head above water was my unsullied faith and belief that much as I was going through one of the toughest ordeals in life, I always reminded myself that surely, others were in much worst situations.  Realizing that, I would even tap my shoulder to remind myself that I'm fortunate enough because my situation is NOT the worst ever.  YES, EVEN AS THE RAFT WILL DRIFT, THE LOTUS WILL REUNITE💚💛💜

Not To Devalue Our Self-Worth

 

Never devalue your SELF-WORTH.  Even without any bragging rights, have you ever felt like you're NOT good enough, NO matter HOW hard you try?  YES, you're NOT alone.  There are many of us in that very same boat.  Many people struggle with their SELF-WORTHINESS, that supposed unshakeable belief that you are capable, valuable and more than anything, deserving respect📗📙📘

Experts define SELF-WORTH as your own evaluation of yourself as a capable and valuable human deserving consideration and respect.  They call it, in layman's terms, an internal sense of being worthy of love.  Often, we would hear the most popular words like 'LOVE' and 'RESPECT' about our relationships with others such as our family members, friends, colleagues and even neighbors.  However, 'SELF-WORTH' gauges HOW much we respect, love and value ourselves📌📌📌

For a zillion reasons, SELF-WORTH is important enough.  Experts tell us that people with positive SELF-WORTH tend to have greater self-confidence and even self-esteem.  On the other hand, swinging to someone with low self-worth, it's nothing short of judging oneself harshly and having a low opinion of oneself.  Worse, researches showed that there is a tendency to focus on one's mistakes and shortcomings rather than one's abilities and strengths❎❎❎

Taking a lift from the pages of the experts' researches, they listed these common factors to influence SELF-WORTH:

• THOUGHTS and FEELINGS
• CAREER and PROFESSION
• CORE BELIEFS and VALUES
• HEALTH and PHYSICAL FITNESS
• EMOTIONS and MENTAL WELL-BEING
• OUR RELATIONSHIPS, both past and present
• OUR EXPERIENCES & INTERACTIONS with others

Our takeaway:  In the past, I struggled gauging my SELF-WORTH.  BUT I realized I should overcome that difficulty because gauging myself did help me with no-holds-barred questions I had to answer LIKE:

• HOW MUCH do I value myself?
• HOW WOULD I describe myself to a stranger?
• WHEN I self-reflect, am I more positive OR 'NEGA'?
• DO I believe I'm worthy of others' respect, love or consideration?

Yes dude, let us NOT DEVALUE our SELF-WORTH😔😔😔

Decide, Define, Deploy, Defend

 

For the longest time, either I always heard OR invoked "DECIDE, DEFINE, DEPLOY, DEFEND' at work, so all along, this sounds more like jargon BUT I realized that this is as relevant to our personal life as it is at our work life.  WHY?  Because in life, we will always have tons and tons of DECISION-POINTS.  As we move along in our life journey, there's just NO option for us to be going back to page one of our life every day, with some of them far more complex than others📗📙📘

Frankly, our DECISIONS in those critical or complex moments matter and it may even likely trigger a ripple effect as to WHAT NEXT may happen.  Think about dominoes falling one by one.  One day, we may be choosing one strategic priority over another option BUT we might also be choosing between 2 apples or 2 oranges that are almost similar except for 1 or 2 differentiating factors.  At times, DECISION-POINTS are tough📌📌📌

LIKE you might get into the crossroads of deciding on the career you now have versus another career option.  That's WHEN you will have to cautiously weigh the UPSIDEs and DOWNSIDEs of each of the 2 career options.  Unfortunately, from my life experiences, it is very extremely rare to have a  'perfect option' because no matter how 'near perfect' one option may be, there is OR are a couple of downsides WHICH you need to weigh on, so you can arrive at an INFORMED DECISION😄😄😄

Sometimes, the choice we have on our hands is so crystal clear, it becomes a no-brainer BUT at times, that fork in the road stumps us and we become consumed with the weight of the DECISION.  I personally have experienced ordeals like this and WHILE I considered them as 'happy problems', we need to be mindful that all it takes is one wrong decision for things to turn upside down, for you to get waylaid and get off-track.  Sometimes, WHERE we were once confident in our DECISION-making, we tend to question ourselves and even our choices [despite all the tedious considerations we had to go through before reaching that DECISION POINT.  BUT we're better off compared to an INDECISION!!!

Our takeaway:  Allow me to share my simple decision matrix

• Take stock of the first option/choice you have at hand.
• Then, compare apples-to-apples your options like a X/Y axis
• On the flip side, consider which options are of low-impact as they might provide you an 'easy path' towards a DECISION
• Then, map both long and short-term risks associated with your high and low impact DECISION POINTS 
• Finally, step back & take a final look before it's crunch time

Easier said than done BUT to DECIDE, DEFINE, DEPLOY and DEFEND runs in parallel to our DECISION-MAKING!!!

Does Effort Help Us More?

 

IF we look back at our everyday life and rate the efforts we exert everyday on a scale from 1 to 10 and HOW much will we give of it every single day, WHAT would be your score?  IF you AREN'T WHERE you want to be OR seeing the results that you want to see, then chances are a lack of effort over long periods of time may be the reason WHY.  True, EFFORT ISN'T the only thing we need in order for us to need to be successful and get to WHERE we want to go BUT it sure is an absolute must and something that lacks in a whole lot of people WHO desire massive amounts of success📗📙📘

And IF we followed around 10 people WHO were highly dissatisfied with their station in life, I can bet their effort WOULDN'T even come close to someone WHO is doing the exact same thing they are doing except on a much higher and wider level.  And me things the missing link here is that EFFORT.  The fact of the matter is this, anything and everything that we want to achieve in life has always an equivalent price tag on it.  We got to give up something in order to get something in return💥💥💥

And those rewards and fulfillment that comes alongside that true and genuine success are well worth the effort and fight every day.  And as each day passes, we pay our lives for that day.  And as each month passes we tend to pay our lives for that month.   And as each year passes, we pay our lives for that year.  We DON'T get those days, months and years back and the only thing we have to show for it comes down to WHAT kind of effort we gave and exerted throughout those days, months and years along the way📌📌📌

One key lesson I learned [the hard way though] is that an often overlooked BUT major key to SUCCESS is to give an incredible and ridiculous amount of effort, the one thing that each and every one of us controls on a daily basis over long period of time.  And that's WHERE the confusion enters in for most.  Those WHO complain about their lot in life and HOW unlucky they have been are the same ones WHO only give maximum effort WHEN they feel like it OR WHEN the timing seems to be right for them.  True, we all have different seasons in our life, no doubt about it.  There will be times WHEN great things will happen and there will be times WHEN bad things will happen as well❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  With so many success stories around, I think many people do look upon them, so awed HOW they reached the pinnacle of their successes.  WHAT they DON'T know is the sacrifice, work, and most importantly, those insane amount of effort that was required for 20-plus years.  WHAT really keeps many of us back is simply that UNWILLINGNESS TO PAY THE PRICE, to make that exertion.  So, DOES EFFORT [really] HELP US MORE???