Why Experience Matters

Why Experience Matters

I stumbled across this one-liner before and I still I can't forget as it says 'EXPERIENCE IS THE BEST TEACHER AND THE WORST EXPERIENCES TEACH THE BEST LESSONS'.  Well said.  Simply put, if everyday in your life is a WALK IN THE PARK, it might not hold water.  Why Experience Matters.  BUT if you do live a normal life [as I do], surely your past experiences are peppered with trials and tribulations📗📙📘

Having survived life's challenges through all these years, facing numerous adversities and precious moments of joy, I'd admit that I've come to terms with the fact that much of our life experiences are a direct outcome of our own belief system.  And admittedly, it takes donkey years to develop a solid belief system built on the foundation of self-awareness, practical optimism combined with gratitude😂😂😂

Frankly, the harsh truth is that for many people, it takes many years for them to develop a solid belief system built on the foundation of self-awareness, practical optimism and gratitude.  Most people take far too long to realize the not so secret 'ingredients' that make life worth living.  BUT at this point, let us set expectations [to avert that frustration that would burst out faster than the speed of light]💧💧💧

And the REALITY is, you and me CANNOT have it all at once.  And as there are five pillars in life, namely HEALTH, CAREER, RELATIONSHIPS, SPIRITUALITY and PERSONAL GOALS, it takes time [like your first 20 to 30 years in life] to construct and strengthen these pillars.  And let's agree, everyone wants a SOLID foundation no less.  BUT they want it by strengthening all the pillars ALL AT ONCE!@#$%? Ironically, regardless of your capability, you can only focus on one or two pillars at a time at most.  To be aggressive and ambitious is laudable but you and I CAN'T and WON'T reach that far regardless of our laudable ambitiousness❎❎❎

Our takeaway?  We are NOT claiming here that only experienced people can make meaningful decisions for themselves.  And this is where expertise comes into the picture.  Like a psychiatrist, for instance, DOESN'T need to have experienced hallucination to know WHAT medications to prescribe to a person with schizophrenia.  And an economist need NOT have experienced poverty to offer solutions to the world's economic problems.  BUT without a lived experience, NOT only can we NOT understand WHAT a person has been through, we simply CANNOT judge them by the same standards we judge ourselves.  This is WHERE understanding the limits of empathy and conceding to its irreplaceable insights that EXPERIENCE can offer us all.  This is WHY EXPERIENCE MATTERS❗❗❗

Those Low-hanging Fruits In Life

Those Low-hanging Fruits In Life

Life by itself is already a GIFT as it offers us that privilege, opportunity and responsibility to give something back by becoming MORE.  BUT dude, can we focus on those  Low-hanging Fruits In Life if only we can achieve those QUICK WINs and SMALL WINs [while we're focused on our ultimate plum in life?  BUT given that life is NOT always that POSITIVE, the real GIFTS in life are often disguised in the cloak of issues and problems📗📙📘

And WHEN we've got so much going on, it is easy to feel like there's NEVER enough time in the day.  Like you want a few more hours to chill OR get stuff done without feeling rushed?  BUT, this early this year, let me unwrap a short list of low-hanging FRUITS if you want to free up at least a hundred hours every year.  Here we go folks:

• STOP snoozing.  Let's do the math here.  Multiply 15mins of snoozing for 300 days a year, that frees up SEVENTY FIVE [75] hours of your time, whew !

• That 'SCROLL HOLE'.  On average, how many minutes you do realize scrolling on sites and threads that are, FRANKLY, of zero-benefit to you?  Let's do the math again, assuming that's eating up FIFTEEN [15] minutes for 300 days a year, that's another SEVENTY FIVE [75] hours freed up time for you
• How about your DECISION PARALYSIS?  How many minutes per day did you get stuck unable to make decisions?  Assuming it's just FIFTEEN [15] minutes per day for 300 days, that's another 75 hours freed up

• Those PHONE TIMES way beyond what is NORMAL?  Can you figure it out, if you're spending extra THIRTY [30] minutes.  Let's do the math again across 300 days a year, you'll reclaim at least ONE HUNDRED FIFTY [150] hours for better use in your life.

BUT not to dampen our optimism and hopes, life's GIFTS are NOT always POSITIVE.  We can have all those moments that we'd never want to go back BUT which we can still appreciate them for marking us WHO we are today.  Because our problems are the very thing that it takes to step up to the next level of life.  These are the key to MORE freedom, MORE joy, MORE love, MORE excitement, MORE impact in our life.  Our takeaway?  Let us NOT miss out on those LOW-HANGING FRUITS IN LIFE as easily we can reclaim hundreds of hours hitherto wasted💧💧💧

Anger Assessment

Anger Assessment

Yahooooo, our thread today has a HOT topic for us and this is all about ANGER.  Is there urgency for this topic?  NOT that urgent.  BUT can this be a HOT topic?  Absolutely.  WHY? Because we need to control ANGER before ANGER controls us, period.  HOW can we accept this harsh truth wherein ANGER can make you feel as though you're at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion?? So, we all know what ANGER is📗📙📘

Whether as a fleeting annoyance OR as a full-fledged rage, we all agree that ANGER is a completely normal and usually healthy, human emotion.  BUT here's the thing.  WHEN it gets out of control, it can turn its ugly head and become destructive and it can worsen and spiral, leading to other problems arising from that singular emotion, be it problems in personal relationships and even in the overall quality of your life.  Mother of all worst things to happen in our life, ANGER can make you feel as though you're at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion way beyond your control😖😖😖

Now, let us align with a common understanding by adopting this ANGER definition which says, it is an 'emotional state' that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage.  And like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes.  WHEN you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure goes up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, and adrenaline💦💦💦

Unfortunately, ANGER can be caused by both external and internal events.  You could be ANGRY at a specific person OR event [like a pestering traffic jam]  OR your ANGER could be caused by worrying OR brooding about your personal problems.  Memories of traumatic OR enraging events can also trigger such ANGRY feelings.  And the instinctive and natural way to express ANGER is to respond aggressively.  ANGER is a natural, adaptive response to threats.  It does inspire powerful and often aggressive feelings and behaviors which allow us to even fight or defend ourselves when we feel attacked💢💢💢

So, HOW do we manage ANGER?  Yes it can be suppressed and then converted OR redirected BUT when that happens, it means you would try to HOLD ON to your ANGER, stop thinking about it and focus on something POSITIVE.  Our takeaway?  Our aim is to inhibit OR suppress your ANGER and convert it to a more constructive behavior.  Caution, DON'T leave unexpressed ANGER because it can lead and create to new problems💥💥💥

Consider INVERSION THINKING

Consider INVERSION THINKING

For alignment, let's borrow Mr Google's definition of INVERSION THINKING which is defined as that practice of THINKING through problems in 'reverse', that practice of 'INVERTING' a problem, turning it upside down to see it from a different and opposite perspective.  A classic example is how an endeavor could fail, and then being careful to avoid those pitfalls.  The troubling question is once we do decide to Consider INVERSION THINKING, could it improve our decision-making📗📙📘

Without selling INVERSION THINKING to us all, allow me to share its highlights:

• INVERSION THINKING would ask us to mentally simulate a scenario in WHICH our answer is incorrect 
• Working backward like reverse engineering is a common method in problem-solving
• Once you end up with a 'bad' hypothetical answer, it may help generate better ideas

In layman's terms, INVERSION THINKING is very much akin to playing "DEVIL's ADVOCATE" in terms of 'WELL, WHAT IF....." OR "ON THE OTHER HAND....", This INVERSION THINKING is even compared by experts to a toddler WHO keeps asking WHY WHY WHY until he runs of reason to ask WHY.  So, INVERSION THINKING asks us to mentally "REVERSE ENGINEER" the thinking process and identify WHY and HOW it did go wrong📌📌📌

To simplify the analogy of INVERSION THINKING, experts want us to think of those times we were a child in school .  Did YOU raise your hand all the time?  Probably NOT all the time.  Perhaps only WHEN you knew [OR you thought] that you were right.  MAYBE you DIDN'T raise your hand at all, BUT NOT because you were NOT engaged BUT rather, maybe because you DIDN'T want to risk being wrong in a public setting❎❎❎

Our takeaways?  WHY don't we introduce this INVERSION THINKING into our thought process.  Obviously, it will take time BUT hey dude, UNTIL and UNLESS you do it and practice it, you will NEVER get to develop this and have this habit embedded within your thought process.  Bottom line here is that for many centuries, most of us humans have been thinking along conventional thought process.  ISN'T it time for us to consider INVERSION THINKING❓❓❓

Simplicity Is The BEST LIFE

Simplicity Is The BEST LIFE

True, we have NECESSITIES in life BUT the challenge that many of us face is that we keep redefining WHAT our NECESSITIES are, wanting MORE and MORE.  If the recent Covid-19 Pandemic benefitted us, if at all, is that everyone, AS IN everyone in the world, realized that we ca and should focus on WHAT our true needs are and shift away from UNNECESSARY wants.  This is WHY Simplicity Is The BEST LIFE📗📙📘

Having said this, the perplexing question we need to ask is 'HOW MUCH IS ENOUGH?'  Do we really need MORE monies?  MORE cars? MORE clothes?  MORE luxuries? MORE alcohol?  MORE drugs?  Are we filling our lives with an over-abundance of 'stuff'  in order to feel MORE secure?  MORE successful?  And MORE accepted by others?  Are we filling our lives with activities to keep ourselves busy and to avoid asking the deeper existential questions that might cause us to face up to our deepest issues❓❓❓

Most importantly, though, after that recent Covid-19 pandemic, now is the time to SIMPLIFY our approach to life in order to focus on living with MORE meaning.  Indeed, the costs, both intended and unintended, of the hunt for MORE are staggering.  We ignore our relationships and our health as well as lose sight of the true meaning in life WHEN we are so focused on seeking "MORE".  I recall stumbling across numerous philosophical pieces telling us that 'EVERYTHING IN EXCESS'  is opposed to nature and our natural selves💧💧💧

Studies tell us that focusing on NECESSITIES enables us to create the emotional space to focus on knowing ourselves better and, in doing so, become better equipped to live simpler and MORE meaningful lives.  Truth really scares.  The costs, both for the intended and the unintended, of the hunt for MORE are so staggering.  We tend to ignore our relationships and our health as well as lose sight of the very true meaning of life WHEN we are so focused n seeking MORE and MORE.  So, WHAT steps can we take to start to simplify💥💥💥

Our takeaways?  Primero, REFLECT and REFLECT on the differences between needs, wants and even luxuries.  Segundo, CATEGORIZE each of your NEEDS between 'material goods' OR time OR goals OR even relationships.  Tercero, TAKE ACTION.  Reflecting on the purpose of each item OR each activity in our life helps us to start to focus on WHAT we believe is really necessary for living a more meaningful and purposeful life.  At the end of the day, we cannot destruct into pieces the unsullied mantra that SIMPLICITY IS THE BEST LIFE [ever]😋😋😋

Life Is Like An Aircraft

Life Is Like An Aircraft 

I used to be a 'road warrior', sometimes living out of my suitcase, having weekly flights within the Pan-continent, monthly flights within the Asia-Pacific Region and at least one long-haul flight every year.  So, through these years, by analogy, I always thought that Life Is Like An Aircraft.  So, even if I was a frequent flyer for many years [NOT until Covid-19 pandemic hit is hard], yet, with all those travel experiences, I still take a knuckle-white grip on the armrests when we encounter TURBULENCE up there.  LIFE is much like flying in an airplane.  There is TURBULENCE more often than NOT, BUT just like the airplane, we are built to handle the TURBULENCE in life and sometimes, it's MORE than TURBULENCE📗📙📘

BUT my uneasiness with TURBULENCE comes with good reason.  Many years ago, I was in a Cessna twin-engine aircraft cruising across dense forests when our pilot advised me and my boss that one engine seemed to have 'CONKED OUT'.  At that point, I WON'T be surprised if our pilot will radio-out MAYDAY.  BUT not just to assuage our fears but to manifest that he was in FULL CONTROL of things, our pilot assured us that we will reach our destination safe enough even with one engine left to keep our heads above water💦💦💦

Just like our pilot in that near-harrowing experience I went through, we can be DISTRACTED by things.  Emotions, like being overwhelmed and feeling fear, can DISTRACT our focus and make any situation harder than it needs to be.  Those emotions are usually rooted in the stories I tell myself about any given situation💥💥💥

If our LIFE is cruising like that aircraft flying in AUTO-PILOT, it's like a 'walk in the park' BUT the thing is, EMOTIONS, like being overwhelmed and feeling fear, can DISTRACT our focus and make any situation harder than it needs to be.  Those emotions are usually rooted in the real-life narratives I become aware in life.  So, it always helps me to FOCUS on WHAT I can do, WHAT is important, and WHAT I can change💧💧💧

Our takeaway?  IF I get DISTRACTED by all the kinds of drama that unfolds in life, the NEGATIVE emotions and even SELF-PITY, the situation will feel overwhelming that may cause me to doubt my ability to handle all that might be happening.  Sometimes, our EXPECTATIONS really cause the TURBULENCE in our life.  WHEN we expect ourselves or others around us to reach and respond in a certain way.  WHEN something small threatens to destroy your attitude and POSITIVE outlook in life, remember everyone makes mistakes [that's WHY we have a life-jacket for emergencies].  Bear in mind, mistakes are part of life.  DON'T let one TURBULENCE turn you upside down because LIFE IS LIKE AN AIRCRAFT, indeed😌😌😌 

Say NO If It's For Your Own Good

Say NO If It's For Your Own Good

As we live in this challenging world that constantly bombards us with requests, demands, deadlines, and expectations, it's easy to feel overwhelmed and sometimes overburdened.  We often find ourselves saying YES to things that will drain our TIME, our ENERGY, and even compromise our own happiness and satisfaction in life, sometimes leaving us quite depleted and worse, even resentful.  WHAT's the antidote to all these dilemmas?  Dude, the sage advice is:  Say NO If It's For Your Own Good

BUT should we NOT learn to say NO?  The simple act of saying NO can be a powerful tool for reclaiming control over your life and even creating space for the things that truly matter.  By learning to say NO to the things that drain us, we can open ourselves up to new opportunities, experiences, and relationships that bring us joy and fulfillment.  So, jointly, let's figure things out how to develop that capability to say 'NO'

Let's hear it from the sage advisories of experts:

• DON'T fall into that PEOPLE-PLEASING TRAP.  That is a common habit that can trap us in a cycle of self-sacrifice and even resentment.  That's WHEN we constantly put the needs of others before our own, often to our detriment
• DON'T fall for NEGATIVE thoughts like, 'I'M NOT GOOD ON THIS' or 'I'M GOING TO MESS IT UP',  NEGATIVE thoughts can be a powerful force, holding us back from achieving our goals

• DON'T fall into that PERFECTIONIST TRAP.  Let's picture out you're writing a paper and you're NOT happy with it.  You keep rewriting it to make it PERFECT but hey, NO matter how hard you try, it will NEVER be good enough because PERFECTIONISM is a relentless pursuit of an unattainable ideal.
• DON'T get trapped in COMPARISONS.  You're scrolling through social media and you see pictures of people with perfect bodies or guys with luxury cars, amazing careers.  Then you start to feel INADEQUATE and then, you feel DOWN

• DON'T get trapped with EXCUSES.  Picture this out.  You have a DREAM you always wanted to pursue BUT you keep making excuses for WHY you CAN'T do it.  You'd say you DON'T have enuf $$$$$, enuf TIME, enuf resources.  Dude, you will NEVER run out of EXCUSES
• DON'T overcommit. If you're constantly saying YES to every request, WHETHER it's a work project, a social obligation OR a favor to a friend, you're likely feeling overwhelmed and stretched out thinly

Dude, SAY NO IF IT'S GOOD FOR YOUR OWN GOOD

Pour It Out By WRITING It Out

Pour It Out By WRITING It Out

No sirrrrrrrrrs, this is not straight from the Billboard Charts.  BUT I can sound like a broken vinyl record [Ooooops, who else knows about it?] BUT I've been in many situations in the past, MOMENTS when I was euphoric way beyond the clouds, MOMENTS when my anger was boiling way beyond boiling point, MOMENTS when I was so deeply thankful for the blessings heaped on me, MOMENTS when I was utterly frustrated for hitting rock bottom.  So, HOW did I handle things, I did Pour It Out By WRITING It Out, literally speaking 📗📙📘

Yesirrrrrs, literally I poured out everything from deep within me.  If it was about my car's fuel tank, I EMPTIED it out.  So, WHEN did i EMPTY things out?  Right in the heat of things.  Right in the midst of my simmering emotions, regardless if it was out of euphoria OR out of anger. So, from a timing standpoint, you might ask me:  Could you POUR IT OUT a day or two later?  I'm sorry dude, that will be TOO LITTLE, TOO LATE💥💥💥

Frankly though, for many of us actually FEELING OUR FEELINGS is NOT something we have much experience with.  Maybe we've dismissed our disappointment, our sadness, our anger, our anxiety, our grief for years.  And that's just OK.  Because it's something you can work on.  And NOT just experts but I myself, I have proven it over and over again that the best way to start off managing these situations is to WRITE IT OUT, POUR IT OUT💧💧💧

Oh Oh, please DON'T worry if you are NOT a writer.  You need NOT be one.  You DON'T even need to be proficient in English.  You can WRITE IT OUT, POUR IT OUT in your own language, your own dialect.  Because this is NOT about English.  This is all about giving justice to ourselves by WRITING IT OUT to POUR IT OUT, all the emotions that are suppressed deep within you.  DON'T worry if you DON'T think of yourself as a writer.  DON'T worry about creating sentences at all.  Just WRITE FROM THE HEART.  However it comes out.  And if you'd like some structure OR guidance, allow me to share from the results of researches by experts in this field💥💥💥

• Write from a 'third person perspective'.  That gives you 'SOME DISTANCE' from the feeling.  Like, instead of saying 'I'm so anxious lately', say it like 'John has been feeling anxious lately 
• Write about your MEMORIES.  Look back for some of your emotional 'HIGH POINTS', like 'When did I feel so confused?' OR 'When did I feel so embarrassed or angry?'  
• Write out your feeling REGULARLY.  Any time you're feeling any kind of feeling, write it down

Dude, trust me, POUR IT OUT BY WRITING IT OUT

Ironically, FEWER Choices Make Us HAPPIER

Ironically, FEWER Choices Make Us HAPPIER

An American comedian's favorite one-liner joke was:  His mom's menu consisted of two choices, namely, TAKE IT or LEAVE IT.  Enough of that though.  Although it may sound counterintuitive, having FEWER CHOICES can promote happiness.  And I'd like to refer to numerous studies whose results supported this stand.  And while I'm NO psychology expert, I stand four-square that Ironically, FEWER Choices Make Us HAPPIER, you bet📗📙📘

WHAT is beyond debates and arguments is that the more CHOICES we have, very likely the more opportunities you have to regret the CHOICE you've made.  LIKE you wished you have a different mobile phone model?  OR a different car model?  OR you regret you did NOT decide on a European holiday instead of a tropical holiday?  IRONICALLY, the more CHOICES there are, the smaller the percentage that your CHOICE is 'RIGHT'💧💧💧

I remember more than a year ago, after we attended a major-major political rally by our presidential candidate, as we were literally speaking, standing on our feet for more than TWELVE [12] hours under the sweltering heat of the sun [until humidity creeped in by evening], when we finally wiggled our way out of a crowd of almost one million, the only thing we were looking for was a cold soda drink, WHATEVER brand it was, that didn't matter💥💥💥

Prior to the Covid-19 pandemic, almost everyday was kind of a struggle for me because I had to decide what attire to wear everyday.  BUT when I was on a business trip to Thailand [when all I had was ONE [1] business suit], that's it, it was a no-brainer, and YET I was happy for that one and only CHOICE I had.  This is where we all get too spoiled, no thanks to CHOICES, which is all to our detriment though❎❎❎

Our takeaway?  It's true that simply making CHOICES can ex exhausting as studies showed that it interfered with peoples' ability to pay attention and even complete fairly simple arithmetic problems.  So, if you want to FOCUS your attention on an upcoming event OR you need that 'emotional equilibrium' to handle challenging personal situations, you'll be BETTER OFF limiting the number of CHOICES you make✅✅✅

Life Is Not All X's and O's

Life Is Not All X's and O's

These days. most of us [and that includes moi] find ourselves seeking a LIFE that is LESS distracted.  A LIFE where we can unplug occasionally.  A LIFE less busy.  A LIFE much fuller with focus.  A LIFE fuller of clarity and meaning and NOT necessarily stuff.  In brief, an intentional life.  BUT can we agree that is Life Is Not All X's and O's?   The irony of moving toward living a simpler life is it takes a lot of effort.  Simple it may be BUT it's NEVER easy.  My own path to wanting to live a simpler LIFE is, surely, a typical one, NOT a story that stands out.  After almost a decade residing in Singapore, LIFE was going well with little to complain about in the grand scheme of things📘📙📗

With a roof over my head and my next three square meals quite assured, I was looking UP and OUT for that glass ceiling, so to speak.  BUT in my daily LIFE, material possessions would come into play, MORE commitments, MORE meetings, MORE WeBex Calls [a few times I was in in more than one WeBex Call between 12midnight and 6am the next day [and I had to excuse myself from the escalation call because I got to shower up and rush to office, whew💠💠💠

As a direct reaction to all these confluence of events, I felt like LESS and LESS of MY TIME was, mine.  The quality of TIME was decreasing as more was added to it.  And then, I started to question myself, am I WORKING to LIVE?  OR LIVING to WORK?  So, I got caught in that constantly busy motion BUT I WASN'T getting anywhere near WHAT I truly desired out of my LIFE.  So I questioned myself more📌📌📌

I then realized that I was losing touch with WHAT it was I did truly desire.  I had bought into the concept of MORE and that MORE would be the constant answer.  This was NOT proving so.  Then, I knew that I was OFF-TRACK, just too aware that I had lost myself a little and I realized that I knew some things needed a CHANGE.  WHAT followed suit was periods of deep reflection and those periods of reflection helped lift the clouds of fog that seemed to constantly hover around and eventually enveloped me💦💦💦

As Confucious, the Chinese philosopher has been widely quoted, the constant culprit is NOT life itself because by itself, it is SIMPLE enough BUT it is us humans WHO would whip things and turn it around to be complicated, sometimes way beyond WHAT we can handle.  Our takeaway?  Never miss out to SELF REFLECT because that could unravel a multitude of realities that you sometimes get blinded.  And as I can attest from my personal experiences, those reflections was key to bring me back on the road after being OFF-TRACK for quite sometime.  So, dude, LIFE IS NOT ALL X's and O's💥💥💥