Friends REDEFINED

 Friends REDEFINED

Not so long ago, who were your FRIENDS?  Surely it's either of the following:  your classmate from way back, your neighbor, your former colleague, the friend of your sibling, the friend of your relative, your regular close contacts in your commercial initiatives, your real estate agent whom you have gotten close.  So, it was hard to fathom if you would have anyone else other than from within that circle whom you will consider as your 'BONAFIDE' friends as it has been traditionally defined across cultures, not until FACEBOOK came into our lives.  Then, FRIENDS got REDEFINED.

When Facebook was first introduced by Mark Zuckerberg way back 2004, it was initially for Harvard students only.  But in 2008, the floodgates suddenly swung wide open.  Anyone AS IN anyone can have that coveted FB account and start collecting FRIENDS from a hundred to thousands and even to millions for the social influencers. But this FB phenomenon just threw a 'MONKEY WRENCH' to our age-old tradition, understanding and even practice of what Friends are really are.  But FB just REDEFINED it, Suddenly, you can be a cave man, a recluse or an introvert but INSTANT FRIENDS can be INSTANT.

And not so long ago, even in the context of the American culture, Friends are indeed friends during the Friday BARBECUE gatherings and during 'Family Day' events.  So, the hardest question is, is there still a glimmer of hope for us to help FRIENDS REDEFINED?  Yesirrrrrrs we have a concrete chance to have these FRIENDS REDEFINED.  So how?

Simple.  Go back to your FB Friends LIST and 'SANITIZE' it pronto, 'CLEANSE' it right now.  How do you SANITIZE & CLEANSE it?  DELETE strangers.  DELETE even people you know but probably made a FRIEND REQUEST just to snoop into your FB.  DELETE those incognitos.  And do consider DELETING even legit FRIENDS but who seem to be on the 'OTHER SIDE of the FENCE', whew

Why don't we reminisce even our friendship with our pet dogs.  They may be animals but hey, friendship with our pet dogs is as genuine and as legitimate as it can get.  Let's NOT be so CAUGHT UP with the 'REAL NUMBERS' of your FB FRIENDS unless you can assure yourself that you have CLEANSED and SANITIZED your FB FRIENDS LIST so that you will be bereft, divested and devoid of BOGUS, PHONY  and SHAM friends.  You deserve LEGIT ones, no less✅✅✅

Too Little Too Late

 Too Little Too Late

Indeed, our lives remain colorful despite sometimes, things do become that boring.  But sometimes, either we are ahead of the pack and sometimes, we're doing some catch up.  Sometimes we exert lesser efforts but we're not in 'catch up' mode whereas sometimes we're in 'catch up' mode but our efforts are just right.  Things turn to bad and even worse when, without us realizing it, it is Too Little Too Late.  Imagine you are in a 'serious trouble' and you realized by then that you are in that Too Little Too Late situation.

Honestly, in life, we end up with so many 'Too Little Too Late' situations but it does NOT seem chronic because each exception seems unique to itself.  Like way back in school, you realized your academic grades were not so good and by the time you did a 'catch up', it was the fourth quarter, Too Little Too Late.  Or at the workplace, you have been flopping with various misses and miscues and by the time you did a 'catch up', it was Too Little Too Late because performance appraisal time was around the corner and how can you turn things around at that point in time.  Or when your relationship was floundering and by the time you did a 'catch up', your partner/spouse just walked out❓❓❓

Or at those points when you were simply adventurous and kept paddling your kayak farther and farther from the shore until you ended up in 'catch up' mode but by that time, it was Too Little Too Late.  We could rattle off a long list of travails and turmoil when we were, over and over, in 'catch up' but in the end, when it was Too Little Too Late, we failed to recoup and recover, whew

Often times, the single most impactful element that triggers us to get into a 'catch up' mode is our TIME MANAGEMENT, that's it.  Many of us just DIDN'T develop that rigid self-discipline of managing our TIME. TIME is often taken for granted because its neither bought nor billed to us.  We thought it does NOT affect us financially.  No $$$$$ at all.  But we miserably fail to realize that TIME is worth more than just sheer $$$$.

So, which path do you want to take?  That path to EXHAUSTION?  Or that path to that 'YAY' moment?  But did you know that the difference in terms of efforts between an EXHAUSTED person versus a 'YAY' person is not that of a HUGE DIVIDE?  But everything boils down to TIME MANAGEMENT, enough to tilt things when it becomes Too Little Too Late📗📕📘

Our Illusions in Life

 Our Illusions in Life

Yesirrrrs life is all real but did we realize that we are being swarmed with all shapes and forms of Illusions in Life?!@#$%&  and it's unavoidable that even all the kinds of fears and limits we struggle [and live] in life are more illusionary than real.  Trust me.  For the non-swimmers who till now have yet to acquire Swimming 101, all those fears are illusionary.  And the limits we thought in life, they are illusions no less

Everyday, we are exposed to a perpetual Illusion of what we think life should look like that is portrayed through social media feeds name it, Instagram amongst others.  And when you plug-in the add-ons like all the filters technology offers, what do we have?  PERFECT portraits, selfies with PERFECT backdrops and zoom virtual calls with scenic beaches as our virtual background.

Browse the digital magazines and people are dressed to the 9's.  Even those pestering adverts which litter our social feeds with things we think we want but DON'T have.  All of these layers upon layers of social programming in the matrix.  Not only that we all contribute, participate and add to the programming.  And this illusion creates a perpetual state of dissatisfaction that keeps us buying shit we DON'T need to impress people we DON'T like, whew.  Our default is to feed a voracious and insatiable appetite for more.  Buy, eat, download, and acquire more.  Truth is, illusion is an imagined reality and social construct.  But with enough consumption, it becomes quite easy for us to confuse this illusion with objective reality.  When we envy a life that someone has curated, edited and uploaded, we have bought into the illusion of what we think our lives should look like and overlook that what we're experiencing is a filtered reality.

The illusion of what your life should look like is the ultimate marketing tool and a form of propaganda.  For the longest time, we valued the notions of security and safety.  A good life meant a good job with a steady paycheck.  But when an entire generation watches the one that came before them lose their retirement funds, it's NOT surprising that they DON'T place much value to security.  Some have called millennials an entitled generation because they do things on their own.  But what's happening is NOT just entitlement but a significant cultural value shift.

What throws a 'monkey wrench' to all our discussions is when someone believes that reality is an illusion we all agree on.  Oh to some extent, I agree with this.  If you ask me why most websites or creative projects are successes, my take is that it satisfies our need for our community our need to belong to something.  Lesson here is that illusions are littered all over in our life✅✅✅

The Spirit & Intent of a Law

The Spirit & Intent of a Law

This is NOT an advertorial of Singapore, the country where I resided for nine years and who I did embrace when i swore to take my allegiance to Singapore when I acquired the Singaporean citizenship. But instead, I want to trumphet Singapore's justice system because it gets accurately reflected in The Spirit & Intent of its laws.

What egged me to have Singapore's justice system as our talking point today was this news dispatch today October 26, 2022 from Channelnews Asia [please click for reference @ https://www.channelnewsasia.com/singapore/man-charged-failing-give-pet-cat-enough-food-and-water-resulting-its-death-3026256.  Heart warming and heartbreaking indeed when I saw the news dispatch 'MAN CHARGED FOR FAILING TO GIVE PET CAT ENOUGH FOOD AND WATER RESULTING IN ITS DEATH'.

Really spell-binding.  I realized that there is so much injustice in the Middle East and even in Ukraine and the Crimea and yet, here we are, witnessing Singapore's brand of justice which I am DREAMING [because I'm sure it will remain a PIPE DREAM] to be replicated across because of the very fair justice that is consistently imposed across, regardless of race [especially in a multi-cultural country like Singapore].  I just really envy Singapore Justice

But clearly, this is NO news to me because I bear witness with the Singapore brand of justice during my nine years residing in the city-state.  What is a cause of surprise for me is that, looking around the global villages, very few countries, if at all, have been able to replicate even a shadow of the Singapore brand of justice.  Not to water-down the justice systems in the U.S., North America and across EU and Australasia regions, it so happens that Singapore's Spirit & Intent of its Law is the one romping off as the 'runaway' model of justice system we hope gets replicated or modeled across.  MAJULAH SINGAPURA

You Could NOT Change What You Were BUT...

 You Could NOT Change What You Were BUT...

Very true indeed. You Could NOT Change What You Were BUT why is this our talking point today?  It's because many of us [even myself sometime in the distant past] thought that we could UNDO what just went through whether it was last week or yesterday.  There are just one too many things in life that we, you, can't just change, no matter how hard you try.  In fact, continuing to beat your head against the wall is NOT effective and worse, painful.  In fact, perseverance and tenacity are only good qualities when the objective you're working so hard to achieve is actually attainable.  There's just a lot in life you just can't change.  

But sometimes, we cannot be solely faulted for attempting in vain to change something in the past because of external factors but hey, you CAN'T please everyone.  Seriously, just STOP it.  Trying to make everyone happy is a thankless and soul-sucking endeavor that will only leave you drained and miserable.  Now, if you're holding a grudge on someone?  That is so futile unless what is you're really after is prolonging your own pain and unhappiness.  If that's what you're after?

Similarly, you CAN'T control what someone else thinks.  You can suggest, demand, implore or you can scream in at the top of your lungs but you CAN'T always change another person's mind.  You CAN'T make anyone like, love or forgive you.  You CAN'T win their respect if they're NOT willing to give it.  You just CAN'T.  And the NOT so difficult thing to do is that YESTERDAY IS OVER.  You just CAN'T get it back.

There are just NO UNDOs, NO REDOs.  Stop dwelling on the past.  You CAN'T change it.  The world around you, you CAN'T change it.  It's nice and inspirational and all to think one person could actually change the world but some things are just bigger than all of us.  You can definitely make a difference in the world around you.  Do keep watch that you're keeping your expectations of the impact you can actually have in check.

Sometimes, we would have LOST something in life.  That could either be material things or even losing someone in a relationship but there's just no way for you to recoup and replace something that is or was LOST because sometimes, the fact is, what's LOST is gone forever.  This is especially true of relationships which may be rekindled BUT trust me, it WON'T BE THE SAME again❗❗❗

That FAKE Photo of REALITY

That FAKE Photo of REALITY

Reality is a given but 'FAKE REALITIES' are all over the place these days, right?  When truth should be peddled as truth comes in multifarious shapes and forms.  That explains why for today, we'd like to spend time assessing as to why there remains a huge segment in our population who seem to be the PURVEYORS of either half-truths or worse, those FAKE REALITIES in life.

Let us not look far.  See all those sunglasses around us.  What's the consequences of wearing those captivating sunglasses?  Obviously, it's either or a combination of our need to be see a better view of things and/or so we would look a bit better, which by the way, is pretty normal or nothing off about it.  But when we translate it into our lives, That FAKE Photo of REALITY becomes off.

No thanks to technology, even digital cameras are just so damn good, it could turn bushes into an alluring landscape like this.  But in the areas of photography, that is very much a given but in life?  How many times did we bear witness to many circumstances when people project not what and who they are but instead, what they want to be seen and perceived, all 

because of That FAKE Photo of REALITY

Why can't be life as genuine and as truthful as it can be?  Times when we call a spade a spade.  Those days when a sunny day really means it's sunny out there.  In society's strata, why can't be WHO WE ARE?  It's just unfathomable that we would witness many instance when some people seem to be keeping up with the JONEses when they are much a part of the lower strata of society?  Or at the workplace, you would bump across a 'KIT' [Know It All] guy when in truth and in fact, he is even much less mediocre than the spoiled lemons down on the ground?  And of course, the mother of all these FAKE Photos of REALITY are much apparent in business enterprises where the entrepreneur would purportedly sell a premium product when it's ROTTEN❗

So what's our FIX?  NEVER be tempted to FAKE the TRUTH.  NEVER be lured by the quick gains for projecting yourself as FAKE.  NEVER embolden your misplaced desires to LOOK GOOD & FEEL GOOD simply by being a peddler for that FAKE REALITY✅✅✅

Why Many Heists Succeed

Why Many Heists Succeed

Why do many heists succeed to a 'T'? Let me be very crystal clear though.  I am NOT here to incite or instigate anything that's sinister-like with regard heists.  In fact, we all condemn all kinds of crime and especially heists.  BUT here's the BUT.  Can we take a leaf from all those heist Netflix movies till to date?  Why are these heist movies so stereo-typed such that you would know how the script starts, how it develops including all the twists and turns before voila, the whole plan comes up true to form?

Oh yes, everybody dreams and dreams of a great life.  Who doesn't want it anyway.  But looking back at those heist movies, does the script share to us how they plan a great life?  Nope they DON'T.  Instead, what those heist movies will share with us are the planning and execution of all those heists.  

For the latest Netflix heist movie I did watch, the brains and mastermind of the heist didn't plan for decades.  In fact, the #1 brains admitted that he did nothing but THINK & PLAN about the heist for about three hundred days, that's all.  He was so focused such that he planned and worked on all the nitty gritty for very long hours per day until D-Day came and there was no turning back, so to speak.

Obviously, when we hear heists, we can visualize all those guns ablaze from masked men.  But if all these gangs were successful, can we agree on their proven recipe?  Yesirrrrrrreee, it is PLANNING PLANNING and PLANNING round the clock.  Besides being 'spot on' and super meticulous in every detail, their PLANNING side is impeccable at the very least.

Now, what's the lesson we can pick up here?  It is for us to give the buy-in to the proven mantra that all the hard work gets paid off once all the goals you have set would have come into fruition.  Except for those one in a million LOTTO jackpot winners where surely they can never replicate their flash in the pan success stories, for us all, let's ride that bandwagon of PLANNING, PLANNING and PLANNING because there's no other way❗❗❗

Beautiful Mistakes

Beautiful Mistakes    

No sirrrrs, please DON'T get me wrong. I'm NOT pitching the Beautiful Mistakes Billboard hit by the very popular American pop rock band Maroon 5 last year in several virtual concerts despite the pandemic still hovering.  But instead, let us discuss why NOT all mistakes are bad.  In fact and in truth, a lot of our mistakes are beautiful but on the basis of specific conditions.

For many of us, finding out that we made a mistake can feel like a threat to our self-identity.  When that happens, we're likely to act out in ways that undermine us even more such as arguing or blaming others, withdrawing or digging in our heels [which smacks of a hardliner].   So, before you are viewed as either WRONG and arrogant, aloof or unaccountable, you need to get ahead of the situation.  You'll want to talk with whomever you may have impacted your decision.  

When you make a mistake, TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. Say, ' I was wrong instead of an arrogant statement like 'MISTAKES WERE MADE' or 'IT DIDN'T TURN OUT THE WAY I HAD ANTICIPATED'. Reactions like these statements deflect or minimize your personal contribution.  Offer a brief explanation but DON'T MAKE EXCUSES.  Do acknowledge that the mistake you committed had a negative impact on others and be willing to really listen without sounding defensive at all.  Just DON'T interrupt but do apologize.  Tell others what you're doing right now to remedy the mistake and distinguish between the parts that can be fixed or not. 

What even makes things worse is when others are involved.  It's one thing to hold a committed belief, make plans or execute a task that only you know about, and then end up being wrong.  When that happens, you get to reconcile it privately between you and yourself, period.  But when you've shared your convictions with others and rallied the troops to get them on board, and if it

happens that you're wrong, you;re now faced with an 'IDENTITY GRANTING' problem.  You may have seen yourself as a smart cookie but f those around you DON'T, or they did and now they DON'T, that means the identity you chose for yourself hasn't been affirned by others.  Yes please, it's fine to make  Beautiful Mistakes  but do learn lessons PLS✅✅✅

How Do You FEEL GOOD About Yourself

How Do You FEEL GOOD About Yourself

Happy weekend.  I thought our piece today should be relatively light so I'd start off by asking as to How Do You FEEL GOOD About Yourself?  You might ask why is this question worth our time today?  Yes folks because you DON'T need to look far.  Get back to yourself.  When was the last time you blamed yourself?  When were you ever harsh to yourself? Remember that time you passed the buck back to you simply because things went awry when things didn't come true to form?

Dismissing negative thoughts and staying open to other ideas can help guide one's life in a positive direction.  To handle disappointment, it's helpful to learn to process one's feelings then take some kind of action.  Humans will always bump heads, that's for sure.  They key is to respond instead of react.  There will be days that will be better than others.  On those days that go less well, we usually end up being hard on ourselves.  So how do we go about all these?  First, KEEP GOING.  Don't let life's changes throw you off track but remember that most extenuating circumstances are temporary.  Gain more clarify by staying the course.

Second, TRUST YOURSELF.  Believe in your inner resources no matter what and you'll grow from that experience.  I believe that the answers usually lie within and you are probably smart enough to figure out what you need to do.  Give yourself a little time and have patience.  Third, BE FRIENDS WITH LIFE.  Remember that that world is not out to get you and it does NOT punish you.  You do that to yourself and learn to focus on other opportunities or in another direction can give you some perspective.

Fourth, WATCH YOUR THOUGHTS.  Your thinking will be 100 percent positive.  You must learn to dismiss the negative thoughts and stay open to other ideas that will help you move in a positive direction.  Start recognizing negative thoughts and use your mind to quell them.  Fifth, SUMMON YOUR STRENGTH.  Learn to access and direct your strengths to the highest good.  Always believe that your strength and intelligence can help you deal with anything.

Sixth, DON'T WANT TOO MUCH.  As humans, our desires are unsatiable [to the extent that we are driven to become greedy].  Desire can be a powerful motivating tool that wanting something too much can be very painful and very expensive, so DON'T live beyond your means or covet whatever that is unattainable.  Seek your desire but KEEP YOUR INTEGRITY.  Lastly, recognize that disappointment is PART OF LIFE.  Even the most successful people have to deal with disappointment but they have learned how to use it to get to the next level Better to FEEL GOOD About Yourself❗❗❗

How Habits Shape Up

How Habits Shape Up

Back in high school, once I was in a heated but healthy debate with my classmate who insisted that HABITS are inherited and/or replicated from within families.  At one point of our exchange, he did score a point when he amplified that a lazy parent may develop a similarly lazy child.  Or a violent parent will lead a child to be a violent.  So, at one point I did struggle how to counter back what my strong belief How Habits Shape Up

Not until I managed to regroup myself and started to explain that actions repeated over time gradually become HABITS, with a curious life of its own.  Of course, not all HABITS are developed mindfully.  Some HABITS develop unconsciously from internal or external stress.  These tend to be negative or 'maladaptive' HABITS. 

So, how are HABITS really formed?  That question of HABIT formation canbe approached from a perspective or a more subjective and experiential one.  PASSIVE HABITS arise from exposure to things we eventually get used to whereas ACTIVE HABITS are those we develop by repeated intention and efforts.

HABITS as skills can also be seen as a springboard to creativity.  Based on what we can habitually do, we reach new heights as when a jazz musician ingrains the playing of a basic melody then later improvises new and adventurous notes on top of the original theme.  Let's go back that time when we first learned to tie our shoes, the attempts are quite conscious and effortful.  As you practice this skill, it becomes a HABIT.

Another key aspect to habit formation is positive reinforcement or reward.  For an activity to become a HABIT, it helps if it's NOT only repeated often but also positively reinforced.  For those of us who are stuck [till now?], it shouldn't take too much effort to sit down, soul-search and [MAYBE] face the mirror and once for all, cast out and cast off any of our HABITS that are beating us down, drowning us down.  Time to wake up dude❗❗❗