Can We DEFY BOUNDARIES?

Can We DEFY BOUNDARIES?

Looking back to the Stone Age, do we agree that life was more casual, with more spontaneity, more natural.  Whereas when our civilizations started to be governed by rules and laws, BOUNDARIES were pre-set which BTW is perfectly fine.  What is quite an irony is that those BOUNDARIES got replicated into our lives, our norms, our culture alongside everything that's DE FACTO.  

Much as many of us were wanderers and curious as ever, we seemed constrained by boundaries, many of which were simply DE FACTO and so virtual you can be unaware.  How did that impact our lives?  We got shaped and influenced to live, work and play within BOUNDARIES, giving us practically no room to wiggle, to stretch out and fathom how far and how deep can we further go.

From the time we got uprooted from home and started to live our school life, even our most basic fundamentals were shaped to co-exist within BOUNDARIES.  Over time though, by the time we left the portals of our school, that was the time we realized that hey, we CAN DEFY BOUNDARIES.  By that time, you are on your teens close to legal age.  Ironically, that has been our dilemma but isn't it just TOO LITTLE TOO LATE by then?

Oh yes, eventually we woke up from our deep slumber and realized that in fact and in truth, our life is in the midst of a wide expanse of open fields where the horizons tell us that you just cannot see things because of the gargantuan size of the whole landscape that's staring at us.  By that age approaching twenty, that is probably most of us would then realize that indeed we can DEFY BOUNDARIES, that we can plot our path.

Yesirrrrs, even if you fly off to Maldives, you won't need to ask yourself if you Can DEFY BOUNDARIES because you would realize that the only boundaries in life are those which you imposed on yourself.  And you need to fight that off because within our own selves, there will always be two opposing protagonists running on different directions and unless you take FULL CONTROL of your life, you can't DEFY BOUNDARIES by then, and that's pitiful to say the least😶😶😶 

Which Narrative Ending Do You Prefer

Which Narrative Ending Do You Prefer?

Like it or not, the eventual narratives of our respective lives remain inescapable.  Whichever ending you will have in your hands, at that point, the most we can do will be to look back and hark back to all the past chapters and phases of our life.  Question is:  Which Narrative Ending Do You Prefer?  Basically we got only a handful of scenarios on hand and these are no-brainers BTW.  Either it will be a HAPPY ending just like most love stories, a TRAGIC one [or at the very least, a FAILED one] or a BITTERSWEET one.  BTW, you got to figure things out as early as possible because it takes a lifetime to prepare for all these.

But as in love stories and relationships, nothing is built overnight.  You got to plant the seeds of its foundation, then nurture it on a constant basis and shape it up, brace for all the rough and tumbles in life with the optimistic hope that at the end of the long arduous marathon [of life], you will still end up standing albeit scathed and bruised.

In short, life is NOT simply reaching the FINISH LINE.  Definitely, it is much more than that because otherwise, it will be a huge disservice if we end up with a very myopic view of things.  What's running much in our favor is that we have our lifetime to prepare reaching for the FINISH LINE but a gentle warning though:  We CAN'T moving only on the last 2 minutes.

Many people prefer to take the path less trodden, less travelled.  However, we need to agree that to play BIG in the game of life, we need to take BOLD risks without retreating to the comforts of the KNOWN.  And while aiming for ordinary lives is NOT a crime, we need to remember that we deserve to achieve MORE.  Our limiting beliefs is what holds you back from claiming your greatness.  

Even if in a worst case scenario where and when your life is turning upside down, this is where we need to push ourselves harder.  We just CAN'T hold back.  A life of regret is NOT a life of meaning but one of GUILT and MISERY.  There will just be NO joy lamenting the past.  Which Narrative Ending Do You Prefer❓❓❓

Control What You Can Control

Control What You Can Control

We all agree that CONTROLLING is one of our most cherished strengths and pluses in life.  And I think everyone is on the same page insofar as the benefits we reap for having CONTROL.  What seems to be overlooked is that more often, we tend to go overboard, over-stretching ourselves more often to the detriment of others.  Hey, we are reminded to Control What You Can Control

What is often misconstrued is that we thought we can simply go overboard because everything is up for our taking, for us to CONTROL.  But that's NOT the storyline, not the narrative.  Factually, there is quite a list of things we CAN'T CONTROL [and in the interest of space and time, I won't rattle that off].  All that's needed from us is to be on the same page on what we CAN'T CONTROL.

Instead, please reference this infographics as it outlines that common area where we can put FOCUS and do what it takes for us to envisage CONTROLLING those CONTROLLABLE. I did receive a challenge question asking why cant we focus outside the common area?  Simple.  Outside that shaded common area, things will be beyond our CONTROL, our periphery of influence.

Pilots are our best role models for this CONTROL discussions.  They are so trained with regard what is CONTROLLABLE versus the Non-CONTROLLABLE.  And it just behooves that we lead our lives in parallel to the way pilots handle all their responsibilities from the time they walk-in to the cockpit until it safely lands.  Pilots lead a rigidly disciplined life once they are inside the cockpit.  In life, we got to be pilots as well.

What are the consequences when we try to CONTROL what we can't CONTROL?  Likely you will end up with a train wreck, a failure to be blunt about it.  Over-stretching yourself means you are breaching the areas where either you are incapable or circumstances simply will NOT allow you to CONTROL things.  What happens next, your guess is as good as mine.  So, never lose sight that you can Control What You Can Control❗❗❗

Enjoy the Sunshine While it Shines

Enjoy the Sunshine While it Shines

We all love and relish sunshine.  Too much in fact so that we get so captivated to the extent that we tend to spend a bigger chunk of our time right there in our cocoon.  But shouldn't we enjoy the sunshine while it shines?  We got to realize that not all countries enjoy their maximum time with the sun shining up there.  And that is where the parallelism between life and the sun's orbit itself because in life, we should not be missing the sunshine itself.

So why do we really need to Enjoy the Sunshine While it Shines [in life] ?  For many reasons we have to.  #1 when everything is going our favor, very likely things will NOT go wrong.  Remember those times in our life when we are in a winning streak.  In school, we're getting high marks quite often.  At work, we're getting commended left and right.

Over in the Nordic countries where sunshine is extremely limited a big chunk of the year, life is very much like the cycles in these countries because there will be periods in our life when there will be rough patches.  But before going through those rough episodes. let's ask ourselves what can we leverage for our lives when everything is running and happening very much to our favor.  

So where and how will we be badly hit when we have those LOST OPPORTUNITIES?  Theories by social scientists have circled on 'REGRET' as the most common offshoot when LOST OPPORTUNITIES rise up. And it's suggested that REGRET gets intensified by perceptions.  And those feelings of regret are more likely elicited by perceptions of LOST OPPORTUNITIES.  We tend to regret outcomes that could have been changed in the past but can no longer be changed and for which people tend to experience low psychological closure.  

Now, how do we avert missing the sunshine, missing opportunities?  #1 STRENGTHEN RELATIONSHIPs.  It's all about engagements and follow-up.  #2  SEEK FEEDBACK and ASK QUESTIONS.  Simply put, you DON'T know what you DON'T know. #3 BE DECISIVE.  Vascillating won't help when in fact you can enjoy the sunshine while it shines✅✅✅

Know WHERE to ANCHOR !

Know WHERE to ANCHOR !

Oh, we all know our life is akin to traversing the high seas and me thinks we all know how damn important an anchor is, especially in life.  But do we Know WHERE to ANCHOR !  I believe that's the most important question because many of us are all on the same page, being aware that we're all travelling the SEAS of LIFE but I am doubtful that we are all aware up front as to where will we drop our ANCHOR of LIFE.  And that will be the scariest harsh reality to be uncorked.

So why do we really need to Know WHERE to ANCHOR?  Plain and simple.  As we embark in our lifetime journey, we need to know NOT just our final destination but even our very 'pit stops'.  Remember, you may be running a marathon or triathlon but bottom line is, you need to establish your intermediate stops along the way where you need to refuel, so to speak.

If this may become a 'hard sell', I'm more than willing to give my spiel, my pitch.  Similar to the F1 races, pit stops are part of the equation.  It's an outlier to state that life journeys DON'T NEED lay-overs or pit stops [and if there are non stop flights, those are outliers just like that flight from New York's JFK Airport to Changi, Singapore.  Other than that, it is a given that generally in life, way before we can reach our final destination, we need to anchor our boat/ship along the way because lay-overs are a reality in life.

In case I don't get yet your BUY-IN for our need to anchor from time to time in life, here's a challenge question.  If you are out there in the high seas, when a brewing storm threatens you, shouldn't you have pre-identified where to anchor?  Fact is, you just DON'T sail out to the seas without having a contingency plan.  And your port to call should be within feasible distance.

What happens when life gets messy?  When you get hit with a storm in the middle of the high seas?  By definition, ANCHOR is defined as a person or feeling one uses to keep his or herself GROUNDED or in a CALM STATE when things hit a rough patch.  As the old cliche goes, life is NEVER a WALK in the PARK.  Life needs YOU to always plan your life based on tons of WHAT IF scenarios because any of those scenarios may happen, albeit remotely.  And if it does, do you know WHERE TO ANCHOR❓❓❓

WHEN Democracy is 'UP FOR GRABS'

WHEN Democracy is 'UP FOR GRABS'

Everyone in this planet all clamor for DEMOCRACY but what could explain why our whole planet of communities are NOT consistently GREEN ?  Yet everyone of us do hunger for Democracy. Ironically, DEMOCRACY  is 'UP FOR GRABS'  but again we got to work hard for it because it is NEVER served on a silver platter.

Let's see how and where DEMOCRACY now stands across the globe.  Oh I envy the Americas and even South America. From north down to south, it's almost all GREEN except for Venezuela and some countries in Central America.  But what explains why a big chunk of the Americas are all GREEN ?  

Hmmmm well the answer is pretty simple.  YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW.  If there are dictators and strongmen lording it over the country, very likely, the people themselves have acquiesced to such autocratic rule, if not necessarily asking for it.  Even in Singapore where I resided for over eight years, it may be debatable as to where it stands as a democracy but to keep this discussion simple, I'll argue that Singapore is a democracy because the democratic bodies all function true to form.  

Obviously, it is beyond argumentation and debate that the United States is the very bastion of democracy.  But so does all the FIRST WORLD countries name it, the U.K., Sweden, Norway, they lead a mile-long list o democracies countries.  So what happens to the THIRD WORLD?  

And what, when and where is our best channel towards DEMOCRACY?  It all starts by  exercising our RIGHT to VOTE during elections.  The U.S. citizenry are our role models for that exercise.  Their campaign events will have the candidates fight an acrimonious battle but whoever wins, the eventual winners are the people, the electorate ❗❗❗

Your 'NORTH-SOUTH' Moments

Your 'NORTH-SOUTH' Moments

Morning morning morning.  Surely you have had your 'NORTH-SOUTH' Moments [and very likely you had it many times in your life].  Whether it was in school, at your workplace, at your business or right with your relationships, you should have gone through the wringer when protagonists were at opposite poles, with one fuming mad as hot as the iron whereas there you are so icy cold.  Or way back in school when your professor was just in that bad-bad mood he starts shouting expletives to the hapless students?  Or at your workplace when after a hiccup hits you, you end up receiving a tongue-lashing from your boss?

So how exactly did you handle things during your 'NORTH-SOUTH' Moments?  Did you FIGHT FIRE with FIRE?  Or did you douse cold and icy water to tame off that fire?  Honestly, there is NO sure-fire formula to fix things when you are in the middle of a furious and raging storm But still, you gotta weather it, like it or not.  What is best is we need to agree on some 'ground rules' to get over your 'NORTH-SOUTH' Moments 

The crux of the matter here is that the common denominator in ALL your 'NORTH-SOUTH' Moments is that we're dealing with EMOTIONS no less, EMOTIONS that are going opposite directions and differing trajectories.  As our life is full of emotional challenges and all too frequently we seem encouraged to BLOCK OUT and avoid our emotions because of the 'tricks' our bodies use to constrict our emotions which even make matters worse.

When we're into these very difficult moments, behavioral experts always counsel us to go the technique called 'OPPOSITE ACTION'.  Emotions are powerful motivators that mobilize us to behave in certain ways.  Each emotion comes with a related action urge.  When we are fearful, we tend to avoid or escape that anxiety.  When we're sad, we become passive, withdrawn, isolated.

Most importantly, we need to KNOW what we DON'T KNOW, i.e. let's ask ourselves whether the emotion in question fits the actual facts of the situation triggering it and if it will be more effective to act upon the action urge you are going through? Be aware that sometimes, our emotions are disproportionate to the situation.  Example is we're having FEAR not because the situation is a threat but simply because we're about to give a presentation to an audience.  But where FEAR is valid, take the 'OPPOSITE ACTION' by letting thing simmer down when fire is raging.  Else, you lose fighting fire with fire.  Bottom-line, handle well enough your 'NORTH-SOUTH' Moments❗❗❗

March to the Beat of Your OWN Drum

March to the Beat of Your OWN Drum

Drums are everywhere and that explains why we have a cacophony of drum beats.  And that doesn't surprise us all if each of us tend to go at paces even differing from our very own drums.  And to make matters worst, are you aware that there are drums so damn loud enough it will break your eardrums with their decibels till you end up marching to the beat of their OWN Drum [and not yours] !

Most people have been told to 'GO WITH THE FLOW' and 'DONT ROCK THE BOAT' their whole lives but that advice isn't always appropriate.  History has shown that change is often brought about by the people who stand out, those who march to the beat of their OWN drum.  But it turns out you shouldn't be like everyone else if you want to live a happier and more fulfilling life.  Now, to be proactive, it helps that you are able to discern [in fact, DETECT] if indeed you are march to the beat of their OWN drum.  First, YOU GOTTA BE YOURSELF.  Our whole lives, we're told to FIT IN and CONFORM TO THE GROUP.

In some cases, that seems a good advice.  Still, it has one major flaw it PREVENTS YOU FROM BEING YOURSELF and it happens YOU are an individual who deserves to stand out for the things that make you different.  NON-CONFORMITY isn't easy because the GROUP MENTALITY always pushes back against it, but that doesn't make it wrong.  the people who stand out as different tend to stand out in positive ways.  Think of how STEFANI GERMANOTTA's career flourished after she stopped conforming to the cookie cutter standards by spreading her wings to be who she truly is and that's LADY GAGA.

People have been standing out all the time in this manner.  A lot of them have enjoyed the benefits of expressing themselves for who they are.  When someone has to hide the things that make them different [for FEAR of bullying], they deny their individuality which can be dangerous for their self-esteem [and probably, even mental health ?].  In short, be WHO YOU ARE even if that means you won't be like everyone else.  At the end of the day, that's a good thing.  You are a unique person and everything that makes you who you are is special.  Embrace that and you will enjoy YOUR friends, YOUR family, YOUR work and YOUR life as long as you keep marching to the beat of your OWN drum✅✅✅

Why Sizzle When Things Fizzle Out

Why Sizzle When Things Fizzle Out

Which happens more often?  Your guess is as good as mine.  We all know that most of the time, things will fizzle out over and over again whereas how often do we sizzle?  As the old cliche goes, 'ONCE IN A BLUE MOON?' What could explain that huge disproportion between SIZZLING when things FIZZLE OUT? Indeed that seems a huge puzzle but it is not.  What is ten times more puzzling is the swiftness when things go from SIZZLING to FIZZLE OUT.  We would hear narratives like... Nothing was wrong with our relationship  We had fun together.  I though we were seeing where things went naturally without any pressure to make anything 'official'.  One day, two weeks of non-communication, things seemed OVER ?!@#$

These days when social media is lording it all over our lives, we need to come into the realization that the disconnect happens much more swiftly and so saddening all because of technology, of our gadgets, of social media.  Even CLOSURES seem a thing of the past.  Instead, social media kicks in.  Messages alerts keep adding up in our social media apps.  But is this fair?

Regardless, if there is one NO-NO.  Let us NOT sulk because that will needlessly kill us.  On the surface, letting communication simply 'flatline' seems lazy and slightly cowardly but it's also a reflection of the low stakes emotional investment that a pair of people have staked in a brief dalliance.  When you've been seeing each other only for a short time, and the texts and phone calls have already begun to wane and peter out, it seems dramatic and slightly narcissistic to pick up the phone and tell someone what they already know.  There is no need to deliver a KILLING BLOW to something that is already dying a natural death.

Psychiatrist studies have shown that rarely two people have exactly the same feelings about what happened, what is happening and what is not speaking means.  This explains why psychiatrists recommend recommend a closure conversation.  Otherwise, can we imagine when someone leaves someone else with the aggrieved party not knowing why the other party ended things.  To say that that is painful may be an understatement.  But the biggest question we need to address is the puzzle how and why things can FIZZLE OUT so quickly?

But rather than waste time to deep-dive on something that is done, why don't we increase our awareness with proactive ways to pre-empt another future failure.  First, ensure the two parties are ALIGNED, which means both parties have the same expectations and commitment.  Second, both parties must be at the same level of READINESS to plunge into that relationship.  Where there is an imbalance, FIZZLING OUT is not far behind.  But when things FIZZLE OUT, that means you got to CUT and CUT CLEAN.  DIVERT your focus.  DIVERT your priorities.  DIVERT your direction [just like a landing aircraft that diverts when the runway does not meet the minimum visibility.  Bottomline is, Sizzle When Things Fizzle Out✅✅✅

Everything That is in the PAST is PAST

Everything That is in the PAST is PAST

Is it true that many of us still get hostaged by our past?  I think so.  I can attest on a first-person basis that many of us [including me in the past] got caught up with our respective past till we realized that we got hostaged inside out.  So, why can't we just bury the past with a shovel and with a trench that is deep enough to cover it beyond oblivion?  So, can we pitch that Everything That is in the PAST is PAST.  Why?  For multifarious reasons, we have to without learning the lessons we absorbed from past failures, past mistakes and even blunders in life.  We just need to agree that everyone of us has a share of the rough and tumble games in life, that we need to admit.

Truth is. the moment we begin to live in the past is the precise moment that we should leave it behind us.  To LEAVE THE PAST BEHIND and drop WHO and WHAT hurt you isn't something that comes easy.  It takes a hell lot of EFFORT, TIME and PATIENCE [+SELF-RESPECT] to keep moving forward.  

Closure is NECESSARY but not always something that's handed out.  Some people are able to push past WHO or WHAT hurt them while others LET IT EAT THEM ALIVE whew.  Accepting what happened for what it is and forcing your mind to focus on other things is a lot easier said than done.  However, LEAVING THE PAST IN THE PAST is undeniably one of the best choices to make.

Frankly, here the arguments why the PAST is PAST.  First, you got to MOVE FORWARD.  If you allow yourself to live in the past and be CONSUMED by what's already done, then you don't give yourself the chance to move on and leave what's in the past TRULY IN THE PAST.  Second, LIFE IS TOO SHORT.  Look, letting the past reside in your head is like letting a SCAB NEVER HEAL.  Letting it not to heal to a point where you keep picking at it, so it keeps re-opening the wound.  Situations and people can only destroy us if we let them.  When life removes somebody or something from your life, if you're able to let it go, then 9 out of 10 you will find that life will replace it with something far bigger and better than you could have ever imagined.

And have your energy spent on a POSITIVE act.  Remember this one-liner: 'GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE, THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THINGS I CAN AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE'.  This quote is the true example of what you need in your life. Everything That is in the PAST is PAST ✅✅✅