Our Most Common Nemesis

Our Most Common Nemesis

Do we have Our Most Common Nemesis?  Yes, we do have and it's those MISUNDERSTANDINGS triggering OR worsening conflicts.  When a MISUNDERSTANDING occurs, guess WHO caused the problem?  Of course, it's a no-brainer, everyone involved in that conversation.  Even in good faith, anyone can be party to a MISUNDERSTANDING💵💴💷

If you have something to say, it's up to you to ensure that the person you are imparting OR delivering your message to have it understood as clearly as WHAT you said and WHAT you did intend the message.  And many times, with our best intentions we say something BUT ending up NOT finding the most appropriate words OR phrase.  And that usually results in either a misinterpretation OR being quoted out of context📗📙📘

At the same time, if you're being spoken to, it is up to you to ensure that you clearly and fully UNDERSTOOD what's been said.  If anything is said that you're NOT 100% certain you did understand, it's crucial that you ask questions to clarify.  Not asking the right clarificatory questions either because you missed OR you hesitated will end up with the same result, that you might end up NOT getting the message as meant and intended❎❎❎

All it takes are 5 simple steps to avert OR avoid MISCOMMUNICATIONS:

• ASK PERMISSION TO DISCUSS THE SITUATION - DON'T hesitate
• ASK QUESTIONS & REALLY LISTEN TO THE CLARIFICATORY ANSWERS
• FIND THE SOURCE OF THAT MISUNDERSTANDING & CORRECT IT
• CHECK THAT UNDERSTANDING HAS BEEN REACHED 
• CONFIRM THAT ALL IS CLEAR

So, WHAT's our takeaway today?  THAT there is more depth to communication than what most people understand. It is easy to assume that if you're comfortable talking to people, that means you have excellent COMMUNICATIONS skills.  BUT looking back my experiences, that is NOT the case because as you begin to break down COMMUNICATION and look at WHAT's actually involved, it could be far more complex than people you realize.  Let us pounce now on OUR MOST COMMON NEMESIS, dude✅✅✅

Why Do You Get UNDERESTIMATED?

Why Do You Get UNDERESTIMATED?

Why Do You Get UNDERESTIMATED?  A recent study in the United States shows that 27% of Americans think that they are NOT well understood, and as such, UNDERESTIMATED.  Are you one of that 27%?  BUT before we go berserk with this topic, let's deep-dive and understand WHY people UNDERESTIMATE us [and maybe you yourself you're UNDERESTIMATING yourself💵💴💷

And before we get bogged down with other arguments, let's look FROM WITHIN.  Let us LISTEN to our own feedback as to WHY we're UNDERESTIMATING ourselves.  MAYBE you're NOT getting enough feedback?  Are others reaffirming how well you're doing?  Science tells us that FEEDBACK MATTERS.  In one study, people performed tasks equally well when given FEEDBACK or NOT.  However, those who were left in the dark actually UNDERESTIMATED their abilities📗📙📘

The thing is, we constantly need an INFLUX of FEEDBACK.  And if you're NOT given one, go, ask for it, look for it.  And we got to be sharp for that 'LIKING GAP'.  STRANGER BIAS is when we meet someone and automatically assume they DON'T like us.  This makes us THINK they've UNDERESTIMATED us BUT in reality, science says otherwise.  Apparently, that 'LIKING GAP' doesn't only apply to strangers BUT even personal relationships as well.  Oh oh, this one should be a relief if you're neurotic like me.  And sometimes, UNDERESTIMATION is nothing but an ILLUSION💎💎💎

There was even a survey of undergrad students and asked them a series of questions about grammar, logic and even jokes.  They then asked the students to score themselves.  Interestingly, the students who OVERESTIMATED their score actually scored the lowest.  As for the students WHO UNDERESTIMATED themselves?  They actually scored the highest✅✅✅

So what's our TAKEAWAYS here?  Let us start a 'SUCCESS FILE'.  Your 'SUCCESS FILE' will be a collection of all your strengths, capabilities and SUCCESSES.  These include commendation emails, endorsement, positive feedback, and even THANK YOU notes.  Just to share, till now, those colorful small stars I received from my 'Mission Impossible' workshop colleagues [hosted in Hong Kong years ago] are posted on the wall fronting my home workstation.  WHY?  Because that constantly reminds me of those best moments wherein my colleagues coming from various countries have given me their votes of affirmation.  So, WHY DO YOU GET UNDERESTIMATED❓❓❓

BREAKING NEWS: Inside Job Unraveled

BREAKING NEWS:  Inside Job Unraveled

Yesirrrrrrs here's an early BREAKING NEWS:  Inside Job Unraveled.  And it is the fact that HAPPINESS IS AN INSIDE JOB.  HAPPINESS is something that everyone strives for.  Unfortunately, we often look for it in EXTERNAL FACTORS such as relationships, careers OR possessions.  Have you ever heard yourself say 'I WILL BE HAPPY WHEN.....?'  This kind of thinking implies that our HAPPINESS is dependent on some EXTERNAL FACTOR or circumstance that may OR may not be within our control💴💷💵

When we say "I WILL BE HAPPY WHEN I GET A PROMOTION AT WORK', we are essentially saying that our HAPPINESS is contingent on something that may OR may not happen.  Even if we do get a promotion, it may NOT bring us the sustained HAPPINESS that we expect.  If we are always looking towards some future event OR circumstance to bring us HAPPINESS, we will be sure to miss out on the joy and contentment that is available to us right now and we will NEVER feel truly fulfilled OR satisfied in our lives📙📘📗

So, while circumstances can certainly impact our mood and well-being, our HAPPINESS ultimately comes from within us.  This means that we have the power to cultivate HAPPINESS regardless of our external circumstances.  One way to cultivate HAPPINESS from within is to practice GRATITUDE💎💎💎

By focusing on the things that we are thankful for, we can shift our perspective and find joy in the present moment.  GRATITUDE also helps us to appreciate the positive aspects of our lives even when things may NOT be going as planned.  Another way to promote HAPPINESS from within is to practice SELF-CARE💙💛💚

Taking care of ourselves physically, mentally, and emotionally can help us feel better overall.  This includes things like getting enough sleep, eating well, exercising, and taking time for ourselves to do things that we enjoy.  Our takeaway for today is a no-brainer.  Let us NOT depend on external factors for our HAPPINESS.  It has to be within our control❗❗❗

You Need BOREDOM To SUCCEED

You Need BOREDOM To SUCCEED

In our society, getting BORED is almost always LOOKED DOWN upon as there's always a CONSTANT PUSH to do more, and have more.  So WHAT'S your take on this dude?  The thing is, we are confusing being productive with being reactive.  So many of us fill ever spare moment, whether we're waiting in line for coffee, for the elevator, with a quick email, a tweet OR a 'LIKE'.  Hey, You Need BOREDOM To SUCCEED💴💷💵

These two boys seemingly idle at the window, would you agree there is a higher probability that in the midst of that BOREDOM, a very raw [and seemingly silly] idea could pop-up in their minds and voila!  The problem is, we adults [wrongly] think of those spare moments as WASTED TIME and opportunities to respond to family, friends, colleagues, OR just the headlines.  BUT actually, waiting in line and allowing yourself to get BORED ignites a network in your brain called 'THE DEFAULT MODE'.  This is where we can do our most original thinking, problem solving, and future planning📙📗📘

WHY don't we consider to take back those spare moments for deeper thinking about your work and life?  Can we consider to try skipping that EXTRA TWEET or SMS/text message that you WON'T even remember come next day?  BUT most of our iGen/Gen Z and Millennials will all blame technology for their behaviors that become FILLERs to their BOREDOM.  Then BOREDOM dissipates, no thanks to SOCIAL MEDIA💎💎💎

Balancing the PROs and CONs of technology might be our BIG personal and societal issue of our time.  We love being CONNECTED and having access to a global wealth of information BUT yes, many of us are weary of the constant interruptions, news and SOCIAL MEDIA overload, and privacy issues.  So WHAT's our FIX for this dilemma?  Primero, when you go to your apps OR platform, ask yourself whether that tap is just a reflex OR an action that will actually help you at that very moment.  Segundo, encourage yourself and the people around you to get BORED more often✅✅✅

NOT only can it ignite CREATIVITY, BOREDOM can help people be more empathetic and imagine WHAT it's like to be in someone else's shoes.  If we all collectively rethink our digital habits and ignite our DEFAULT MODES more often, maybe some of our best brains can find solutions to our problems.  Our takeaway today:  value that slack time to induce that BOREDOM that will ignite your CREATIVITY❗❗❗

When SAMPLE SIZES Are Not Enough

When SAMPLE SIZES Are Not Enough

Our piece today is NOT on statistics or probabilities [as that's NOT my domain] BUT we'd like to take stock of things when we start counting our SMALL WINS versus When SAMPLE SIZES Are Not Enough.  WHY does the SAMPLE SIZE matter?  Yes dude, much as we want to avoid statistical jargon, truth is a SAMPLING SIZE makes OR unmakes our off-the-cuff analysis OR post-mortem.  In brief, the principles of statistics prevails even in daily life📗📙📘

WHAT IF after I graduated from university, I landed a plum job and I scream that I have a SUCCESSFUL life?  WHAT IF after I settled down and started raising my family, I'll scream that I got a SUCCESSFUL family life?  WHAT IF after I finally opened my personal bank account for the first time and I claim that I am financially stable already❓❓❓

Sun Tzu, the well respected Chinese military general and strategist way back the Eastern Zhou period [from 771 to 256 BC] said:  'VICTORIOUS WARRIORS WIN FIRST AND THEN GO TO WAR, WHILE DEFEATED WARRIORS GO TO WAR FIRST AND THEN SEEK TO WIN'.  BUT the harsh truth is, most people celebrate too early [I committed that Faux Pas in the past]💵💷💶

Let's NOT look farther back.  That Covid-19 pandemic hit us badly for almost three years and when the blinding dusts from the 'sandstorms' stabilized, many of us [TILL TODAY] were [and still are] celebrating because finally the Covid-19 pandemic is behind us.  NOT SO FAST.  Go around countries, starting with China, the Covid-19 infections are coming back❌❌❌

At work, it's true you would have achieved legitimate SUCCESSES but hell, have you etched your name in your organization's portals on the basis of one or two small and minor WINS?  Our takeaway here is that, sustain that winning streak and you're on the way to achieving the coveted laurels of a perennial performer who worked like a 'DAWG' year-round.  Our human failing here is that some of us are NOT aware that SMALL SAMPLE SIZES are NOT enough and sufficient for you to beat your chest.  Got to grind more, dude❎❎❎

DON'T Overplay Your Hand

DON'T Overplay Your Hand

How Often do we Overplay our hand?  I'm sure NOT too often but nevertheless, from time to time, let's admit it that we tend to Overplay our hand and at times, unconsciously.  So you might retort, am I making a mountain out of a molehill?  NO sirrrrs, there is enough mountains all over the landscape caused by us.  This explains why we DON'T Overplay our hand💴💷💵

So, you might wonder under what scenarios do we Overplay our hand?  Let's start with social media, everybody's staple food these days.  HOW much time we spend in social media when we got too much stuff to work on, whether in school, at home, at work OR in our own business?  ISN'T it a no-brainer, many of our SCREEN TIMES are way beyond the roof?  So, we do Overplay our hand📙📗📘

How many times we heard of high-rollers in the casinos end up kaput?  Simple story.  It's because they Overplay their hand.  On to the job hunter, here he comes about to receive a job offer BUT before he signs on the dotted line, he OVERPLAYS HIS HAND and start for asking a salary rate way above his pay grade, whew.  What happens next, that you can guess.  He goes home empty handed.  Heard of someone selling either properties and finally here comes a very serious buyer.  And guess what, the seller UPs the price.  Guess what happened next?  The buyer goes off.  WHY?  Because the seller OVERPLAYED HIS HAND📌📌📌

Over in the labor market, there could be well organized unions like the powerful AFL-CIO in the United States.  And NOT to downplay the labor unions in the U.S., they deftly handle negotiations so well, playing their cards close to their chest.  And while their organized labor will egg them to PLAY THEIR HAND, the negotiators are well cautioned NOT to OVERPLAY THEIR HAND❎❎❎

When we move to NEGOTIATIONS 101, we are well advised to be very sharp in the negotiations to discern when they have the UPPER HAND and even WHEN they should be talking about the celebratory cocktails.  Our takeaway for today.  BE pragmatic.  BE realistic.  BE reasonable.  BE in control.  HOW?  DON'T OVERPLAY YOUR HAND❌❌❌

Your Face DOESN'T Make You Beautiful

Your Face DOESN'T Make You Beautiful

There's this overly over-used one-liner which says:  THE SHINY GLORY FACE DEFINES BEAUTY AND THE OLD WRINKLED FACE IS NOT CONSIDERED BEAUTIFUL'.  Of course, except for a misguided few, surely most of us will NOT buy that one-liner, right?  Your Face DOESN'T Make You Beautiful.  Exactly, that's what is being popularly peddled across, regardless of culture, standing in social strata or even gender.  Since ancient times, we have been considering beauty to behold by, fair skin, fit body, and those WHO DON'T have this is mocked up in society by body shaming and telling to use creams to increase their tone.  Baloney💴💷💵

The more we hear like, GO TO the gym, and workout and lose fatty layers, and to thin to eat more food to add more fat to the body because their eyes DON'T find it attractive.  The children's book differentiates between beautiful and ugly based on color, age.  Even the children's brains are like mud, we give it shape to make it beautiful structures.  So, if it is rather told that GOOD deeds and GOOD heart are beautiful, NO age, NO colors, and NO shapes have the power to degrade it📙📗📘

Reality is, beauty is PURE just like a beauty in the HEART.  Beauty is one which does NOT go by ages nor by skin color and neither by the body.  It is always within the HEART, that feeling of humanity is WHAT is beautiful.  The old people are told to go to a religious place and chant the mantras as they are on the door of death , to eat food which is NOT full of spiciness.  Wear light colors because the color of their life is even fading📌📌📌

BUT the death is NOT localized to old people since death can come to anyone anywhere.  So, let's NOT define beauty by white shiny hairs and wrinkled faces OR by skin color BUT rather the purity of the HEART.  This will bring HAPPINESS in the world if one understands the meaning of being beautiful.  NO one will be disheartened OR broken.  Moreover, they will love themselves and will give back the same love and respect.  As the old cliche goes, beauty lies in the eye of the beholder, so let's behold the beauty by the feelings and spread immense HAPPINESS and LOVE❎❎❎

So what's our takeaway today?  It is that people tend to fall for beauty and face in seconds.  People DON'T judge others when they are beautiful by face and NOT by heart.  And we follow that definition of beauty defined by people and NEVER get to know what real beauty is.  BUT when you fall for someone's heart, they DON'T judge you BUT instead, they will try to understand you.  And let's face it, there's a very thin line between love and attraction.  When you love someone, you DON'T try to force it.  You try to understand instead.  NOT to downplay the importance of beautiful faces but let us NOT pish into oblivion the beautiful heart from within❗❗❗

Finding Comfort In Darkness

Finding Comfort In Darkness

For some of us, that which traditionally causes comfort leaves us feeling anxious rather than calmed.  YET, some kinds of darker experiences create feelings inside that are deeply comforting to those WHO simply cannot accept comfort in the more widely accepted traditional ways.  Oh, our brains have etched in processing grooves from a past which could be full of long stretches of emotional pain and discomfort, to the point WHERE those places of DARKNESS are WHAT feels like our baseline.  Call it Finding Comfort In Darkness💴💷💵

WHEN our life gets twisted and sometimes painful for long periods of time, your soul hurts and lingers in the past, leaving it feeling strangely compelling to stay hidden in the DARK places.  Some people cannot accept JOY and KINDNESS at all from others, because it CANNOT be accepted into their DARKENED soul.  It feels alien and jarring.  We do try and it's often a source of pain and distress for partners and friends WHO try to show the love and comfort BUT who fail to hit the right ways as our receptors are wired upside down compared to their own.  And while many of us with painful pasts can accept some level of joy and light into our lives, many of us also seek out the DARKER sides to the world around us📗📙📘

DARK films, DARK humor, DARK imagery, and DARK clothes feel familiar to be around and therefore comfortable to those WHO grew up in a wilderness of abuse OR neglect.  We seek out the DARK because it's the only thing that creates a space that feels safe around us.  The light carries NO intrinsic balm to our soul, BUT the DARKNESS feels like a warm cosy blanket wrapped around us☺☺☺

Goths and vampires, skulls and bones, lovecraft, they all pull us in, those that were forged in fire and ashes.  They speak to something twisted inside and create a sense that we are NOT alone in our FORTRESS of SOLITUDE.  When we finally find a passage out of the danger, a way to let go of our trauma, do we shy away from DARKNESS❓❓❓

The DARKNESS, the controlled fright, the playful ways we can take control of the DARK.  Illusion OR not, it feels like 'normal' to me.  ISN'T all magic made of shadows, light, reflects, and distractions?  Perhaps it's a kind of magic, this perverse translation of DARK to light.  Our takeaway?  Even if the DARK is our home, it could be a place where sorrow can be refined into hope, madness into genius, and trauma unleashed into memories.  This is all about FINDING COMFORT IN DARKNESS💚💛💜

Are You Sure That PROBLEM Is The PROBLEM?

Are You Sure That PROBLEM Is The PROBLEM?

There's this interesting quote from Albert Einstein:  IF I WERE GIVEN ONE HOUR TO SAVE THIS PLANET, I WOULD SPEND 59 MINUTES DEFINING THE PROBLEM AND ONE MINUTE RESOLVING IT.  Well said.  We all have PROBLEMS and those PROBLEMS make us feel bad.  So, to make the BAD feelings go away, we have to channel all our efforts into solving our PROBLEMS.  Are You Sure That PROBLEM Is The PROBLEM???

Now, let's refocus with REALITY, with WHAT'S happening on the ground.  If focusing on your PROBLEMS and trying to tackle them head-on with all the effort you can muster works, WHY do you still have so many PROBLEMS?  If the common way of solving PROBLEMS is so effective, WHY are our lives a string of PROBLEMS, one seamlessly flowing into the next one like abacus beads❓❓❓

Part of the issue is that we consciously OR subconsciously believe that life is a combination of EFFORT + STRUGGLES, that nothing comes without HARD WORK, and that putting your nose to the grindstone is the ONLY WAY things can change.  And I think that is a very sad and depressing approach to LIFE and I'm going to make a case for another approach.  So, WHY is it the COMMON PROBLEM-SOLVING APPROACH doesn't work?  Now, imagine you have money problems now.  Perhaps you DON'T even need to imagine it because you actually have them right now, right❔❔❔

Most of us have OR had that issue.  So we all know HOW shitty this feels.  Anxiety, worry, and stress are all UNPLEASANT side effects of having a money PROBLEM.  NOW, to solve this issue, naturally, we do the ONLY thing that we've been taught to do WHEN it comes to solving PROBLEMS.  Focusing our attention on it and trying to figure a solution out😇😇😇

BUT there are two issues with this problem-solving approach namely:

• ANXIETY, WORRY, and STRESS get intensified
• RARELY do we find a satisfying solution

These two outcomes make sense IF we look at WHAT the focus-on-the-problem approach actually does.  Because a lack of money is emotionally associated with anxiety, worry and stress, the more we FOCUS on it, the BIGGER these emotions become our very own experience.  These negative emotions are the felt sense of our PROBLEM state.  We DON'T like this state.  So, now we want to move from the PROBLEM state to the SOLUTION state.  BUT because our whole system is in the PROBLEM STATE, we CAN'T get to the solution.   So, ARE YOU SURE THAT PROBLEM IS THE PROBLEM???

That ART of LETTING GO

That ART of LETTING GO

I heard this one-liner gazillion times:  YOU DON'T GIVE UP ON THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE.  And I admit I live by that saying.  It makes so much sense  that IF you love someone, you DON'T give up on them.  You keep trying, you keep putting yourself on the line because GIVING UP IS NOT AN OPTION.  Now experts say that is wrong, incorrect and hurtful.  So, how's That ART of LETTING GO📗📙📘

Now, experts are telling us that you CAN'T hold unto people, long after they've let you go OR in fact ever.  You have to GIVE UP on them at some point because if you DON'T, you're just creating this magnanimous God-like image of yourself in your head [which becomes toxic].  So I thought hey, I love this person, so I got to keep fighting.  BUT the only person you could be hurting in this process is yourself.  The person you love and are, apparently, are NOT giving up on has GIVEN UP on you and left you long before you even knew it, while you stand there, hurting yourself and pushing yourself, over and over again, just because you them and NOT yourself❓❓❓

Is that healthy enough?  The person that you have to continue choosing OVER and OVER again is yourself.  It DOESN'T have to be your parents, your partner/spouse, your siblings, your bff, OR anyone for that matter. i admit that in the past, I did struggle with putting myself first for the longest time.  At first go, I might come across as someone who's rather selfish and DOESN'T believe in giving anyone a piece of their heart.  BUT, I actually just put everyone on the pedestal and myself way below.  Back then, I acted mostly out of impulse.  As a result, I kept living in the scenarios inside my head, rather than the real ones💎💎💎

I DON'T think anyone knows how to completely let go OR not fall back from time to time if they do, BUT there are definitely ways to make it easier for you to let go WHEN you relentlessly DON'T want to let go.  So WHAT's our FIX?  ACCEPTANCE is the first step in doing anything.  Living IN DENIAL will hurt you more than anything and NOT accepting your emotions is harming yourself in ways you just CAN'T decipher❎❎❎

There's this proverb which caught my attention sometime back:  'WHAT IS DESTINED WILL REACH YOU, EVEN IF IT BE UNDERNEATH TWO MOUNTAINS.  WHAT IS NOT DESTINED WILL NOT REACH YOU, EVEN IF IT BE BETWEEN YOUR TWO LIPS'.  In a nutshell, let us LIVE OUR LIFE the way you did, with OR without the person/thing.  Wake up, workout, run, eat healthy, work harder and LIVE while accepting the fact what you LET GO, is gone.  Practicing the ART OF LETTING GO😔😔😔