Kindness Starts From Within

Kindness Starts From Within

This is the kind of stuff that gets hardly discussed in threads because through the ages, we [wrongly] thought that this is not a talking point ?!@#$%  But hey, we are grossly wrong because basic logic dictates that we can 'walk the talk' of being KIND TO OTHERS only if Kindness Starts From Within.  Simply put, this is telling us that we need to be that kind to ourselves, that being kind INSIDE OUT unconditionally.

Why KINDLY ?  Yesirrrrrrs, it is regrettable that [save for the exceptional few who are dyed-in-the-wool as lazy as the tortoise] many of us have hardly been kind kind enough to our very own self.  Frankly, we're tough with ourselves.  We demand much from ourselves, sometimes more than what we are capable of.  And don't get me wrong because that's very laudable BUT the bigger question, should we just carry on with that SELF-TOUGHIE mindset from within us ?  No way, Jose.  Being that tough to ourselves does NOT guarantee that we could remain that kind enough to others.  WHAT IF our health skids and goes down the drain ?  Who can get kinder?

Oh, we [frequently] wrongly assume that criticism will motivate us to do better.  We tend to be more perfectionist than we should be.  When we feel anxious or frustrated, we talk to ourselves more harshly than what we'd find acceptable by anyone else.  Instead of talking to ourselves with SELF-COMPASSION, we raise out standards for our behavior as a defense against our feelings of DOUBT, ANXIETY or FRUSTRATION.

SELF-COMPASSION improves people's participations in groups and is associated with a more adaptive attitude to failure.  People who are SELF-COMPASSIONATE recover better from psychological knocks like relationship breakups and career setbacks.  One way to manifest SELF-COMPASSION is through SELF-TALK.

So what's COMPASSIONATE SELF-TALK ?  It's taking a balanced approach to our negative emotions that neither suppresses or exaggerates them and expecting yourself to make the best decision you can in the situation you're in.  Sometimes, it is an irreverent challenge of beliefs. Example, I could have written hundreds of blogs and I have enough readership.  Yet I continue to doubt my capabilities.  Why can't we all rekindle that KINDNESS FROM WITHIN US ❗❗❗

That 'SEISMIC MOVE' to Relevance

That 'SEISMIC MOVE' to Relevance

BE SO GOOD THEY CAN'T IGNORE YOU.  Sounds good for slogans, right ?  BUT, if you are aware THAT a 'SEISMIC MOVE' to Relevance is that jolt, that shot in the arm you need, go for it and I promise you, you WON'T MISS THE BUS.  True, this is a motherhood statement but it is what it is because this is so generically relevant across all the landscapes in our life, regardless if you are a student, a worker, an entrepreneur or a partner to your spouse/loved one.  The worst thing in life is not what happens but instead, what does not happen in the first place.

This is not to make a mountain out of a mole hill but how would you feel if you realize that indeed you are appearing to be that IRRELEVANT ?  In school, you are hardly called to recite, if at all.  In business, your cash register seems stuck.  At work, your boss is oblivious of your presence.  And your relationship, you and your partner go through the motions but that's about all.

That unwanted IRREEVANCE though comes in as a 'multiplexed' challenge in our life because we need to keep up with the challenges in life both from within ourselves and even out there, when we end to contend with the mammoth crowd of humans, each with their respective capabilities to showcase whereas you yourself, you [wrongly] thought there was no need to squeeze more juice.

Oh well, going up the ladder of success was never told to us to be a 'walk in the park'.  The ladder itself is always steep, enough to throw you back after inching by a step.  Back in school, when the professor very rarely called our name. And you felt good ?  YOU MISSED THE BUS!  At work, your manager hardly tosses your name when a new task comes in.  And you felt good ?  YOU MISSED THE BUS!  In your relationship, your partner does not nag you at all.  And you felt good ?  YOU MISSED THE BUS!  In business, your cash register hardly moves.  YOU MISSED THE BUS!  

So what's the basic trick ?  Branding Branding Branding.  Remember YOU are the product itself and YOU are the very salesman of YOUR PRODUCT.  And you may be gifted with that GIFT of GAB but again, it all boils down to your PRODUCT BANDING.  In school, do your professors recognize as one of the top performers ?  At work, does your managers recognize not just your unquestioned technical capabilities but your consistent SENSE of OWNERSHIP on an end-to-end basis ?  In your relationship, does your partner/spouse recognize you as responsible and reliable enough ?  In your business, are you the first option customers will go to if they wanted to buy the products which are very much at the core of your business ?  If your response is NOT YET, please consider THAT 'SEISMIC MOVE' to RELEVANCE✅✅✅

Rome Was NOT Built in One Day [BUT]

Rome Was NOT Built in One Day [BUT]

Oh, till now I am in awe with the grandeur that was Rome.  No wonder it remains on the A-List of tourists through the decades.  But hey, Rome Was NOT Built in One Day.  And if we draw a parallelism in our lives, it shouldn't be late to realize that similar to the grandeur that was Rome, careers are NOT built in one day.  BUT whew, how often do we stumble and witness bare and bold impatience of today's generations, impatience that stretches farther than it should be ?

Not to pick on Gen Z but they represent the best sampling of generations impatient than they can be.  Besides making us worry about their impatience, what is more worrisome is their stretched impatience in life itself.  And that spans across from their daily lives all the way to their career lives.  And if we remind them that Rome Was NOT Built in One Day, to hell they'll retort.  To them, Rome is not even a 'talking point' because that's history.

But what makes things miserable is that many of our younger generations are oblivious that they are TRAPPED by the vicious cycle of social media.  How ?  Don't look far.  Monitor up close enough our youngsters.  After they have posted something in FB, Twitter or what not. If the LIKES are scantily coming in trickles, observe their moods, their motivation.  Don't they seem depressed or at least down-hearted ?Again, they're not aware that  Rome Was NOT Built in One Day

Oh, I vividly remember the old school wherein cinemas wll advertise upcoming movies as either "NEXT PICTURE' or 'COMING SOON'.  Today, click on your NETFLIX App, presto, what do we have are tons and tons of movies right at your fingertips right now.  So, how cab we convince our young generations that Rome Was NOT Built in One Day ?

So, how do we literally rescue today's generations from that dopamine addiction ?  Oh well, there is solution but this is not an overnight pill though. In Silicon Valley, Dopamine Fasting is the way to go with people determined to literally reset their dopamine levels by completely abstaining that brings them pleasure.  Name it.  Smartphones.  Social Media, Netflix.  And dopamine fasters all realize that  Rome Was NOT Built in One Day✅✅✅

Damage Control

Damage Control

I'm back [after a medical leave] and before anything else, allow me to greet my readership a MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS.  Hoping everyone will reap the blessings you deserve this Christmas.  Which brings me to our Christmas topic, more about this stuff called Damage Control.  Why do we need to spend time on Damage Control ?  Simple.  In our everyday life, damage will happen, in various forms and shapes.

if you are a seafarer, surely several times you experienced your vessel tilting on one side.  And if you've been driving, surely you had to struggle those moments when your car conks out for whatever reason.  And during those moments, things could easily turn from bad to worse.  Except if you managed to inject damage control.

But even before things bring us to a point of doing a damage control, it behooves that we be PREEMPTIVE in life.  By being preemptive, we tend to be predictive in anticipation of something that may likely happen.  And this is where we can avoid things from going from bad to worse.

Yes, to be pre-emptive means damage control really gets into our radar when it comes to our relationships with our loved ones, our partner/spouse.  Even with the slightest rough patch, that should trigger us to be pre-emptive because fixing things up front will likely entail lesser effort + time, not to mention the agony partners will have to go through.  When your issue is on financials, who wants the debt to be ballooning by leaps and bounds ?

When it's your health and well-being, your pre-emptive and proactive steps can easily save you unnecessary efforts, resources, time + sacrifices.  I can attest to this.  Two days ago, I decided to go through a pre-emptive medical procedure that caused me two hours to be on general anesthesia and in another two hours, I recovered.  Today, I am back on my feet, as if nothing happened. With no damage control, my recovery period could have spanned weeks.  Think about damage control in your life, PLEASE❗❗❗

WARNING: The Circle is Small

WARNING:  The Circle is Small

Oh, this thread could be controversial and debatable I guess.  To argue that the Circle is NOT Small, I'll volunteer to debate all-night long because I'll strongly insist that indeed The Circle is Small.  C'mon, let's liken the circle to all those opportunities that indeed abound in our life.  As go through the motions of life, many of us [wrongly] thought that the circle is sooooo big, such that, even some of us would ardently believe that the circle is actually our door towards infinity because many [wrongly] believe that those pipelines of opportunities will not dry up.

Now, even if we turn that circle into a square, do we think that there will be much more opportunities that will come our way in life ?I'm sorry folks, such is NOT the case because whatever way we shape things out, the truth of the matter is that opportunities are there for our picking only at a very limited time.  Let it go past your fingers like quicksilver, you just can't recoup the losses because again, the fact is the Circle is Small.

Now, even in those moments in our life when the whole horizon was as bleak as the grayed skies before a raging super storm comes to ravage our communities.  Not even wealth.  Not even health.  Neither of them can persuade us to believe that The Circle is NOT Small because that's a fallacy where we won't even lift a finger to tear down the defenses.

So how do we weather and fight off all the negativities that get into our way ?  Clarify your goals no less.  Challenge yourself to revalidate and reconfirm your goals once and for all.  Without your goals, it WON'T matter to you even if I stand my ground and defend that the Circle is Small. At various points in life, we [including myself in the past] would have been guilty for losing by default [which is akin to abdicating the throne you already have].

So, even if the horizon tells us that there are opportunities ahead, it's NOT unlimited.  Even in health, you may be in the pink of the health through the years but one, Father Time will knock on you to let you realize that you got chinks in your armor.  On this note, allow me to [temporarily] signoff for a few days as I attend to my medical remediations within the coming days.  Should be back.  Ciao.💊📌⏳

When All You Have is a HAMMER, Everything Look like a NAIL

When All You Have is a HAMMER, Everything Look like a NAIL

Apologies for being a late comer for this expression because historically, this is an English expression that traces all the way back in 1868 with that 'Birmingham screwdriver' which got derived in the 20th century with this one-liner: When All You Have is a HAMMER, Everything Look like a NAIL.  But this statement means a mouthful because countless realizations came in the way for more than one century now.  Simply put, this is a realization that has been well accepted across cultures and countries.

Even in Behavioral Science, Silvan Tomkins stated that there is always that TENDENCY of JOBS to be ADAPTED to TOOLS instead of ADAPTING TOOLS to the JOB.  And even in this current age of technology, Kenneth Colby stated that the 'COMPUTER PROGRAM MAY BE OUR HAMMER'.  Meaning, we need to remind our developers that the computer program must be intuitive enough to execute beyond what was coded to execute. 

In our life, how many times were you left with a hammer on hand and you were so glued to it such that you were treating things you see as just another nail ?  In school, did you treat academic work as JUST FOR COMPLIANCE?  At work, did you work JUST AS A DELIVERABLE?  In your relationship, did you treat your spouse/partner just as that, just as a partner based on the perceived pre-defined role?  In business, when the cash register was constantly busy, how did you treat your customers?  Just as sources of your revenues?  When you get confronted with the trials and life, when you felt helpless, how did you handle things?  Did you immediately run and cling to the helpline just because they did extend help for you in the past?  

What we are harping here is that you need to think OUT OF THE BOX.  NEVER dictate your next moves based on the tools you are equipped with.  NEVER compel yourself to pound on something where the outcome is unpredictable at best because that means you are NOT equipped.  NEVER demand everyone to toe the line at work if you yourself will be hard pressed to do the same if you were in their shoes.  

When coping with problems, you might be relying on the same coping mechanisms when faced with certain problems rather than finding new solutions.  This over-reliance can often maintain psychological difficulties and inhibit processes of change.  Simply put, it is important to learn different and new ways of thinking and behaving when facing recurring challenges.  Learning these techniques forms a fundamental aspect of psychological therapy and helps us identify factors that are maintaining their difficulties and to develop new ways of responding to them.  What's our wake up call then?  When All You Have is a HAMMER, Everything Look like a NAIL❗❗❗

Your Time to go SOLO Comes Anytime

Your Time to go SOLO Comes Anytime

Yes Your Time to go SOLO Comes Anytime and as everyone lives in communities and in a family-focused environment.  And that's very fine because that's how our human race evolved even way back the Stone Age.  But at some point, Your Time to go SOLO Comes Anytime And that's more than just concerning because once we get into our adulthood, it behooves that we're all ready enough for the grinds in life.

Problem is, till now, many of us remain to cling and remain dependent in the various facets of life.  Which means, that dependency even goes beyond financials and those daily needs.  It even extends to the emotional and psychological structure. But not in the western world, whom I am in awe because their cultures dictate upon themselves to be less and lease dependent as early as possible in life.  We got to remember that Your Time to go SOLO Comes Anytime

Things will seem to turn from bad to worse if our dependence goes way and beyond the day-to-day needs in life.  And that's what makes me envy the western culture because from toddlers up, they are reared to be less and lease dependent  as early as possible in life because they remain mindful that eventually their Time to go SOLO Comes Anytime.  Swing over to the  non-western countries and you witness their cultures that are very family-based which is fine except that more often, many of them overlook the fact that their Time to go SOLO Comes Anytime

As life often hits you with unexpected events that are much more difficult to to deal with than if you simply received a basket of lemons when all you asked was a basket of oranges.  Whether you get hit with an unexpected bill, a death in the family or even as mundane as losing your mobile phone [which seems to be a common story these days], be aware that life is more complex than just a basket of lemons or oranges. And as it now sinks into our mind that our Time to go SOLO Comes Anytime, getting back to basic is a must.  Like KEEPING YOUR KITCHEN STOCKED.  Not only in the event of natural calamities.  Studies show that after a death in the family. shopping is the last thing you want to do.   

Preparing for the flu and cold season is the other side of our readiness.  The last thing we want to happen is falling ill.  As you grind in life, ask yourself, what are the TOUGHEST LESSONS you struggled to learn [but that, you still need to learn it].  Identifying all the chinks in your armor is a MUST-DO because our Time to go SOLO Comes Anytime❗❗❗

The MOST DIFFICULT Point in Our Life

The MOST DIFFICULT Point in Our Life

Setting aside our day-to-day problems [which will never end BTW], what has been your MOST DIFFICULT Point in Our Life ?  Regardless whether you are just starting your academic life or you have now started to carve a niche in your career life or whether you are contemplating to settle down for good or you're contemplating to become an entrepreneur and run your own show,what could be your MOST DIFFICULT Point in Our Life 

It may be difficult to admit it but we got to accept what's probably hounding us throughout our life, that moment when you have a firm plan and you are at the precipice to take the first step towards a concrete goal or plan.  True, either way it is a scary place to be when you aren't sure what the future holds.  Hurdling that crucial point and moving your first foot forward will always be the MOST DIFFICULT Point in Our Life

But hey, noting is more consistent in life than endings and beginnings, and when you embrace that reality, starting over does not seem so daunting.  On a personal note, I'll humbly admit that when I put into action my plan to migrate to another country, I turned upside down the supposed MOST DIFFICULT Point in My Life by turning it as one of my best milestone success to date.

This poster is 'spot on'.  That is, your first step forward does NOT take you to where you want to go.  BUT here's the big BUT.  It does take you out of where you are NOW.  Isn't that a positive note to start with ?  Extricating you from that foxhole.  Rescuing you from that quagmire you were stuck to.  If you've decided to take the risk of migrating to a country new to you, that doesn't guarantee you that you will become an immigrant but that sets you forward towards achieving that goal.

If you're now in a state of stupor because you're struggling whether to push through with your first step or not, it does NOT matter if what you're about to take is NOT yet a quantum leap.  I'd etch on stone my declarative statement that your first step forward brings you one step closer to your goal.  So, do gather that gumption to overcome that MOST DIFFICULT Point in My Life and it has to be NOW, dude❗❗❗

Are You in a FREE FALL ?

Are You in a FREE FALL ?

Mr Webster defines FREE FALL as that state wherein the free falling object that is falling under the sole influence of GRAVITY.  Any object that is being acted upon only the force of GRAVITY is said to be in a state of FREE FALL.  Over to our life, did you experience your life being in a FREE FALL at some point in the past ?  Definitely, each of us must have went through that state at some point in the past.

If it where an event in our life, FREE FALL is part and parcel of our life.  BUT where it concerns the actual state of your life, then we gotta pull the brakes, pull all the stops and trigger the most drastic measures to radically change the situation by pulling and grinding it to a halt no less.

The biggest question though is not that actual FREE FALL itself but rather HOW and WHEN can we detect that indeed our life is in a FREE FALL ?  Fairly simple.  Firstly, when all your fumbling acts and failures hit you consecutively.  Failures that happen close to each other's heels point to a looming and bigger problem that may hit you [VERY SOON] down the road.  When tell-tale signs and/or premonitions are shaping up, those are NOT to be ignored.  Our worst mistake is shutting off our eyes and looking at the opposite direction.  Bluntly, that is a dastardly cowardice act because, even if we ignore and disagree it, not getting into that realization that things may turn from bad to worse will be your worst undoing EVER.

If in school, your LOW marks are becoming a lot more, if at work, you had to explain numerous times your foul-ups, if your relationship seems to have hit rough patches or if your business seems to be in the RED for so long now, this is your last hurrah, your last hope to jump and take your parachute solution ASAP.

BUT when the unimaginable happens and life goes into a FREE FALL, it simply boils down to one choice and that is to face it head on.  When you are kind of stripped back to your bare bones, there is nothing but the PRESENT MOMENT, that uncertainty.  There is only trust that whatever happens or doesn't, it is perfectly designed for our deepest evolution.  And while all of this ricochets through our lives and the people all around us, let me quote this POEM:  When disaster hits, please it rip you open.  Let the pain lead us into our hearts, not out.  Let it show us how much we love.  And let the horror tear down our busy schedules and kick us out o safety.  In the end, IT'S ALL ABOUT OUR CHOICE✅✅✅

Confidence Matters

Confidence Matters

Few days back, I was into my remote work when my wife egged me to watch the final round of the most recent Miss Universe Pageant.  And with no effort, I obliged because finally the 80+ candidates will be whittled down to the Final Five.  And historically, the way they handle the Q & A will dictate who responds 'with flourish' will go up to the Top 3 favorites. To cut the long story short, our preferred candidate in that Top Five to go up to the Top 3 didn't make it. Why ? Me thinks that indeed Confidence Matters and at that juncture of the Q & A, she was quite fidgety and despite even her smile betrayed the veneer of peace she exuded.

Indeed, Confidence Matters and it can lead you to new heights you haven't reached yet in life.  Admittedly, I didn't have that confidence way back my grade school days but when I moved up to high school, with me getting squeezed by our school's cream of crop, I had to push myself more than just hard enough.

Let us not get in a hard-sell on this.  Confidence Matters simply because confidence will lead you up to new heights.  And even if you're in a crowd, the likelihood is that you will stand out from that crowd if your confidence will be there to push you much harder and farther.  Being part of the mainstream is just not enough.

Assuming our confidence level right now is somewhere at the cellar, REPROGRAM yourself.  What it means is you need to convince yourself that you can accomplish a thing and that will exponentially increase your odds of obtaining what you desire.  SET A GOAL and GO for IT.  That's crystal clear enough.  GET FIT.  Simply put, unless you're healthy, your confidence will go nowhere.  PRACTICE GRATITUDE.  When you express it, that will boost how you feel about yourself.  

GET OUT of your COMFORT ZONE.  Force yourself out of your comfort zone, your CONFIDENCE will shoot up dramatically, promise.  Lastly, EMBRACE SPONTANEITY.  Once we force ourselves to be spontaneous, we stretch ourselves, allowing ourselves to be open to potential discomfort and the uncertainty of the unknown.  Being spontaneous exposes us to scenarios where we don't have a script easy enough to rely on.  As such,  SPONTANEITY FORCES US TO ADAPT.  Let's pick up the pieces folks. Don't forget though that CONFIDENCE is ONLY A PART OF THE RECIPE, that's not the only recipe✅✅✅