Of Winners And Whiners

Of Winners And Whiners

Other than their closely similar sounds, WHAT differentiates the Winners And Whiners?  NOT to overwhelm you, dude, BUT the fact is, there is a mega ultra huge disconnect between WINNERS and WHINERS, too wide enough to be comparable to Pacific Ocean, it being the biggest ocean in the world.  BUT back to Winners And Whiners.  This is WHEN in the NBA world, men are separated from the boys and even men with less grit are ejected from a team of 'DAWGs'.  That explains why the vaunted 'MIAMI CULTURE' is both admired and hated in the NBA.  Admired because it has proven its grit since it joined the NBA. WHEREAS, it is hated by those who fail to keep up with the exacting and rigid expectations of the Miami Heat ballclub.  Going around the NBA landscape, most basketball gurus are in unison that only a select few are cut for that MIAMI HEAT CULTURE!!!

So, here's a frank question for you.  Are you a WHINER or a WINNER?  More than just a play of words here, that difference can mean either success OR stagnation [apologies for that quite frightening adjective].  So, here's another frank question.  WHY is it some people seem to be that constantly turbo-boosted ahead WHILE others are stagnant and remain in the same chair doing the same job for donkey years?  Can we draw a correlation here between the chronic complainers versus the perpetual doers?  YES, in the pursuit of success, it is essential to distinguish between behaviors that propel some people forward WHILE holding back some of us.  At this point, rather than we reinvent the wheel, let us pick on the brains of the experts in their fields and they are one in saying that the way to go is for us to differentiate the WINNERS versus the WHINERS📗📙📘

• WHINERS are into negativity, WHINERS remain positive.
• WHINERS focus on problems, WINNERS seek solutions.
• WHINERS blame others, WINNERS take the responsibility.
• WHINERS procrastinate, WINNERS take concrete actions.
• WHINERS seek validation WINNERS maintain confidence
• WHINERS resist change, WINNERS embrace innovations
• WHINERS get impacted by setbacks, WINNERS motivated
• WHINERS complain its not in in their control, WINNERS focus on WHAT they can influence the end-results.
• WHINERS give up when they 'hit the wall', WINNERS remain resilient and go on despite the rough patches along the road

In a nutshell, once we self-reflect, WHETHER deep inside we would realize that we are 'closet' WHINERS or perennial WINNERS, the distinction between them lies in attitudes, actions, and our responses to challenges we face in life.  By cultivating the traits of a WINNER, such as resilience, responsibility, and proactive problem-solving, YES let's celebrate because there is NO monopoly for the ability to unlock that potential💥💥💥

Our takeaway:   Despite all these delineations that are as clear as water, WHAT makes me sadder is that, through the years, I did interact with WHINERS but the sadder part is that they WON'T even admit and acknowledge that they are WHINERS.  And that's the biggest gaping hole you can get trapped, WHEN you yourself WON'T admit and acknowledge it.  For many Christians, before you go to the confessional to confess and seek forgiveness, there has to be an ACT OF CONTRITION, as otherwise, you cannot take the next step of rectifying and RIGHTING THE WRONGs dude😃😃😃

Relationships Top The Charts!

Relationships Top The Charts!

One huge disconnect through centuries is that we are into relationships because it's something we want to, whether it's a romantic. familial or traditional relationship, relationships we form with people are vital to our mental and emotional well-being and even our survival.  True, we humans have an inherent desire to be close to other people.  YES, Relationships Top The Charts!!!

Let's hear it from the experts who claim that social support is a very important part of being a human, and therefore, WHEN social relationships break down OR are damaged, it can have a big impact on our mental health and well-being.  And they add that it SHOULDN'T come down to just one relationship.  One psychologist declared that "IT'S IMPORTANT TO NOT FOCUS ON TRYING TO GET EVERYTHING YOU NEED FROM ONE RELATIONSHIP"📗📙📘

Instead, we are encouraged to focus on having a network of social support with a variety of different types of relationships to hold up our well-being and even quality of life.  And I agree that a positive relationship can be shared between any two people WHO support, encourage, and help each other physically as well as emotionally.  And here's WHEN thing can get tricky because 'healthy communications' can have a thousand versions.  Instead:

• Understand WHERE the other person is coming from.
• Be willing to hear someone even if you think it's untrue.
• Listen WITHOUT preparing your rebuttal OR response

Collating how I witnessed from my 'observation deck', let us consider the following proven good practices:

• LISTEN to each other WITHOUT pre-judgments
• REMEMBER relevant details about each other
• MAKE TIME for each other.  It's a MUST-DO
• Work COLLABORATIVELY [not individually]
• FOCUS on a mutually beneficial relationship 
• TRUST and RESPECT each other, period
• ENGAGE in healthy activities TOGETHER

Our takeaway here:  Pooling all our needs, wants and likes, NOTHING beats RELATIONSHIPS but if there is one thing often missed out is that, unlike the airborne flights, after building up and reinforcing the foundations of a RELATIONSHIP, you CAN'T leave it at that, to fly on auto-pilot mode because all these RELATIONSHIPS will remain in a work-in-progress mode [even at the peak of its strength]. Once you loose your guard, the very robust foundations can gradually waiver and weaken till it crumbles.  Yes dude, RELATIONSHIPS TOP THE CHARTS!!!

When Finding Peace Really Comes

When Finding Peace Really Comes

Very true, everyone of us would dream of FINDING PEACE.  No amount of SUCCESS [OR whatever trillions of wealth] can supplant OR replace genuine INNER PEACE.  Let's ask billionaires Jeff Bezos OR Bill Gates [whose net worth are $200 billion & $138 billion respectively].  We sincerely wish they have found their INNER PEACE even after their 'expensive' divorces from their 'EXes'.  That's When Finding Peace Really Comes becomes our talking point today📗📙📘

A bit nostalgic with this pic I grabbed because it looks similar to DARUANAK, a very small islet near my hometown.  Back to our talking point today though.  Studies tell us that mental strength and INNER PEACE go hand in hand.  Their research subjects showed that mentally strong people are confident that they can handle WHATEVER life throws their way.  That's NOT to say they DON'T feel pain OR that they DON'T get sad.  On the contrary, studies showed that their emotions do run on a DEEP LEVEL💦💦💦

So WHERE's the gap then? Experts tell us that for mentally strong people, they stay focused on managing their own thoughts, feeling and behaviors.  Years back WHEN I had to face one storm after a storm, I constantly reminded myself to keep the MAIN THING THE MAIN THING.  In brief, I had to be rock-focused on WHAT is the issue at hand.  WHERE I faced two storms in one go, CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES [because it is highly unlikely you can weather two storms in one go]!!!

To quote Oprah Winfrey, INNER PEACE is possible and BTW, she remind us that you DON'T need to meditate on a mountaintop OR break the bank for a wellness retreat in order to find it.  Carving out time to relax is wonderful BUT it's amid the frantic pace of everyday life WHEN we need serenity the most.  Let's take a realistic daily life scenario.  You're in a long queue in the pharmacy and the contents of your bag spill on the floor as your mobile phone rings with a frantic call from someone asking for HELP!@#$%?

Our takeaway:  Let's dice and drill things here.  First off, look around WITHIN YOU.  The people you surround yourself will affect the way you think, feel and behave.  NOT to scare you BUT engaging people who lie, gossip, bully OR cheat will take its toll on your well-being. Mentally strong people DON'T waste their energy trying to change toxic people.  Ooops, STOP excessive self-blame and START chasing happiness and continue to pursue for imperfection [even if we're imperfect].  THAT'S WHEN FINDING PEACE REALLY COMES😃😃😃

When Obsession Creeps...

When Obsession Creeps...

Per se, OBSESSIONS are recurrent ideas, thoughts, impulses OR images that are experienced as being intrusive and senseless BUT are recognized as the person's own thoughts.  Fortunately, I DON'T recall falling into that 'mouse trap' even in the past BUT in sharings by those WHO went through the gauntlet, they tell us that the experience itself is distressing and attempts to resist its content OR form are NOT successful.  To make matters worse, those compulsions include actions OR cognitions which include even counting OR praying even as they are referred more as rituals.  When Obsession Creeps, that's WHEN we got to take a stand📘📙📗

Before we get mixed up, people with and without obsessive compulsive disorder [OCD] can experience OBSESSIONS.  It's just that those with OCD tend to experience more distress, guilt, negative emotion, and interference in daily life compared to most of us.  WHAT's quite perplexing is what studies show that most people know their OBSESSIONS are excessive BUT feel unable to control them.  And because they are unwanted and disturbing, OBSESSIONS usually cause anxiety.  As many of us could have gone through the symptoms of OBSESSION, it may help to 'drill and dice' it💧💧💧

Hearing from the experts, OBSESSIONS typically fall along certain anxiety-inducing themes, such as fears of harm, sickness and, knock on wood, bad luck as well as things that are inappropriate OR wrong.  Oh oh, I remember one OBSESSION I had [probably till now] and that's perfectionism.  And as per studies, perfectionistic OBSESSIONS are overwhelmed by a fear of making mistakes, doing something wrong, OR leaving things out of place😌😌😌

Surprisingly, perfectionist OCD may involve:

• Order, symmetry and organization
• Neatness [ouch, I'm guilty of it]
• Following rules/routines [been there]
• Completing tasks perfectly [as always]

BUT contrary to popular belief, perfectionistic OBSESSIONS AREN'T always about organization, neatness because it could mean rigidly adhering to strict religious, ethical and/or moral beliefs💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  WHAT this all tells us is that consciously OR not, we all do manifest various behaviors of OBSESSION but WHAT matters most is that we need to ensure that those OBSESSIVE manifestations do not push us to the extremes to the extent that we get buried under the weight of all the unnecessary OR unwanted OBSESSIONS.  Let us be on the lookout WHEN OBSESSION creeps❗❗❗

Do We Have An ATTENTION DEFICIT Problem?

Do We Have An ATTENTION DEFICIT Problem?

It is NOT uncommon for us to see people working and grinding hard [yes, that includes even the ultra wealthy  business moguls and even Fortune 500 CEOs to juggle two OR three mobile phones even WHEN in a meeting.  YES, ATTENTION DEFICIT is a legitimate problem and researches show that it is now the silent killer that is the very root cause of a lot of misdecisions OR wrong decisions we make.  So, the question is:  Do We Have An ATTENTION DEFICIT Problem???

BUT before we get mixed with ATTENTION DEFICIT, no sirrrrrs, we WON'T discuss either ADD [attention deficit disorder] or ADHD but we'd like to tackle WHAT our brains are doing WHEN we multitask, switching rapidly between tasks.  Neuroscientists claim that such constant switches taxes our brain one too many as it essentially tires it out and makes it less efficient.  Effectively, this affects our ability to focus our attention in general, even WHEN we are NOT multitasking😌😌😌

For alignment, multitasking essentially means that you are trying to perform two OR more tasks at the same time.  Many people mistakenly believe that multitasking reflects a high level of cognitive ability and think that you should multitask to maintain your brain health.  BUT here's a big BUT from experts.  Our brains are NOT and were NOT set up for multitasking at all.  Instead, our brain was designed to be a 'monotasker', that is, to focus on and complete one task at a time❗❗❗

The wide misconception prevailing for so long now is that our brain can multitask.  YES and NO.  It can because it CAN'T say NO.  BUT as neuroscientists claim, those constant brain switching essentially tires out our brain and in the end, it makes us less efficient.  I remember my first  stint in Singapore, I was about to be introduced for the first time to our client whose project I'll be managing.  I requested for a project briefing from the consulting director and I was advised I'll be briefed once we are on the road to the client's site.  Whoa, when finally we were on the road, the consulting director was rushing on a document in her laptop while verbally briefing me at a 'shinkanzen speed'.  I pulled the brakes and said, can we pause and focus before multitasking???

Our takeaway: multitasking has more short-term  effects than we thought.  One correlational study showed that individuals WHO are high media multitaskers have smaller brain volumes in an area of the brain known as 'cingulate cortex', which experts claim, are important for regulating emotions and behaviors.  However, it is unclear if multitasking causes permanent brain changes if people with smaller volumes in this brain region are more likely to be drawn to multitasking.  So, DO WE HAVE AN ATTENTION DEFICIT problem???

Remaining Calm When Triggered

Remaining Calm When Triggered

Staying CALM during challenging [and sometimes turbulent] times is easier said than done.  Whether you live in Europe, Americas, Middle East OR Asia [OR jokingly, even if you live in the high seas in the middle of South China Sea], there are numerous tense situations [call it turmoil to be blunt] BUT that's the least of our concerns because what matters most is our personal life.  So, WHEN you get into heated situations, How was it, Remaining Calm When Triggered?  If I may guess, a plurality of times, we were unable to retain our consistent CALMNESS, not to our fault BTW.  So, our thread today is how can we endeavor to Remain Calm When Triggered📗📙📘

Nowadays, simply tuning in to the daily news is likely to be stressful.  Add the stresses of our daily life, you will have at hand a hodge-podge of variables that can trigger you away from your CALMNESS anytime [especially at your most unguarded moments].  Coping with family issues like illness, caregiving OR [even, especially] financials, you may likely end up begin to greet each day with apprehension and worry.  In other words, you can end up anxious💧💧💧

Psychiatrists tell us that some degree of anxiety is pretty normal [and sometimes necessary, else it may falsely lead you to think that life is a bed of roses].  BUT when anxiety creeps in, it signals us that something is awry OR might need your attention.  However, you DON'T want the response to become exaggerated OR to dominate your life.  Good coping mechanisms for stress and anxiety can help us stay grounded [and hopefully healthy] even during the worst of turbulent times in life❎❎❎

Now, this gets interesting [however, convoluted].  NOT every anxiety should be passed on as an everyday anxiety. The flip side of everyday anxiety can lead you to worse situations you would have least expected. WHEN you get obsessed about finances to the point WHEN these thoughts would then interfere with your daily life. WHEN you end up with panic attacks WHERE you break out in a sweat, shake and end up with palpitations.  WHEN you're terrified of something that DOESN'T pose a threat to you, like that colored RED, and do everything you can to avoid it.  WHEN you avoid social situations out of fear that people will laugh at OR judge you😕😕😕

Our takeaway:  We may want to begin things by considering WHETHER our anxiety is normal OR whether we have an anxiety disorder which experts define as symptoms that have plagued you for the last recent months. And if your anxiety has interfered with your daily life for a while, we are counselled to consider any of these:

• TALK ABOUT IT-Explain your situation to family and friends
• TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF-Take healthy, tasty meals
• KEEP A LIST-Write down every worry or fear that creeps 
• USE CALMING TECHNIQUES-Get into mindfulness, relaxation or even download smartphone apps that will guide you Bottomline:  Let's REMAIN CALM [even WHEN TRIGGERED]

Why Rush To Overcome Fear?

Why Rush To Overcome Fear?

To state that we want to conquer FEAR may be quite a strong word, stronger than WHAT we receive.  YES, FEAR describes overcoming an obstacle, an enemy.  I find that FEAR is a formidable enemy [regardless of your FEAR], so the way to go is to conquer FEAR BUT allow me to ask, Why Rush To Overcome Fear?  Is there a deadline?  An imprimatur? A final call?📗📙📘

Neuroscientists tell us that our human brain and body are beyond facination in their design.  And that every thought and emotion that we experience and every action we take is the result of an electrochemical reaction occurring inside the most advanced chemical factory on the planet.  And as learned from the experts, we have those 'happy hormones', e.g. oxytocin, endorphins, serotonin and dopamine.  As humans, we innately seek out experiences that increase our serum levels of these chemicals in our bloodstream.  And many of us have at least one outlet that we use to boost this endogenous drug production.  An almost unlimited number of activities exist to satisfy our cravings.  WHETHER it's our craving to eat delicious foods, OR gambling OR even drug abuse, the root cause of many addictions lies within a person's subconscious need to achieve a certain dose of their neurochemical of choice💧💧💧

Sharing a bit of HAPPY HORMONES 101:

• DOPAMINE - The 'REWARD HORMONE' or the 'FEEL GOOD HORMONE'
• OXYTOCIN - The 'LOVE HORMONE' known to increase trust
• SEROTONIN -The 'CALM HORMONE' for well-being and happiness
• ENDORPHINS - The 'WILL POWER HORMONE' that helps create good habits

It's a fact that FEAR is an emotion provoked by a threat of danger OR harm OR even pain.  And true, everyone experiences fear at some time.  It's a normal part of life and can protect us from harm.  True, FEAR can be caused by a real threat [like that angry snarling dog] OR by an imagined threat.  WHERE FEAR is due to an imagined threat, it can usually be overcome by logic and reason.  BUT here's the thing.  NEVER RUSH to overcome FEAR because that should take it's natural course💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  Things may turn to worse before it improves.  A persistent FEAR that becomes irrational and 'out of proportion' to the situation has been termed as PHOBIA but we're NOT referring to typical PHOBIAs here but more on the mental obstacles that sometimes mean that we simply need to resolve concerns on our feelings of anxiety [a.k.a. excessive worry].  A practical advice from the experts:  Let us try to OVERCOME FEARS is to do the very thing you are anxious about and WHICH causes FEAR😗😗😗

[BREAKING NEWS]: Life's Simple Pleasures Are FREE!

[BREAKING NEWS]:  Life's Simple Pleasures Are FREE!

[BREAKING NEWS]:  Life's Simple Pleasures Are FREE!.  You DON'T need to BREAK THE BANK at all!!!  It could look so simple  like WHEN you stayed late last night.  Then you hit the pillow at 3am.  Then you woke up five hours later barely crawling out of your bed.  Then you grabbed your shirt and headed out for your breakfast.  Then the sunlight just started to reflect off the morning dew.  Then you took several steps, then you found the spot WHERE the sun perfectly landed on your face.  Then you stood out there for a minute with eyes closed.  Then the energy from the sun filled you with joy.  Then you wanted time to freeze.  You wanted that moment to stay forever.  Then you realized you are enjoying one of life's most underrated pleasures AND IT'S FREE!!!

WHERE does this bring us to?  Surprisingly, a fairly new topic of interest by psychologists revolves around GRATITUDE.  And as GRATITUDE has many benefits, various researches show that individuals WHO are more grateful tend to be happier and healthier than those WHO are less grateful.  That grateful disposition is related to subjective well-being. Experts also claim that GRATITUDE also has its social benefits and they found out that it even builds and enhances friendships.  They suggest this occurs because people WHO experience GRATITUDE on a regular basis are likely to feel cared for by others.  Additionally, they suggests that GRATITUDE reflects and motivates in both the gift giver and recipient.  Piggy-backing on that assumption, they suggests that grateful feelings may make the gift recipient likely to respond to acts of kindness by acknowledging the benefit and expressing appreciation and thankfulness☝☝☝

Now, in our everyday life, a perfect day does NOT have to be extraordinary.  True, it is tempting to spend our lives pursuing the extraordinary, all the while missing out on the wonder that lies within life's more SIMPLE PLEASURES.  As the Singaporean would characteristically ask, "SO HOW?"  To do that though, we have to learn how to savor life itself, to actively look for the joy waiting to be found in WHAT we otherwise might consider mundane.  WHEN we discover HOW to do this, it's akin for us to get an instant life upgrade.  WITHOUT spending any more money, without having to visit an exotic holiday destination, without having to buy some new gadget, we get to have a richer life simply through a change of perspective💧💧💧

Feeling pressed to get everything done at this time of the year?  Many people think that the answer is to put their nose to the grindstone and set aside PLEASURE.  Now, things become interesting because very recently, psychologists found that a specific kind of PLEASURE, specifically SIMPLE PLEASURE, helps you to make progress on your daily goals, particularly WHEN life feels challenging and quite stressful too😖😖😖

Our takeaway:  Let's keep things SIMPLE enough.  And our SIMPLE PLEASURES could be those brief, positive, emerge in everyday settings and are accessible to most people at little OR no cost in fact.  They are highly personal, meaning WHAT is a simple pleasure for you may NOT be a SIMPLE PLEASURE for others.  Taking a walk in the sun, having a cup of tea with a close friend, OR getting green traffic lights [whew, i love that, seriously] all the way to work.  WHAT matters most is that SIMPLE PLEASURES bring you joy and happiness, unlike those temptations WHICH bring no less BUT torment and conflict❗❗❗

Why Doing LESS May Mean MORE

All along in our lives, almost everyone of us grew up being taught and mentored that doing MORE is the way to go.  And that carries through our adulthood.  BUT ISN'T it that focusing on one thing is greater than focusing on many things at once?  So, Why Doing LESS May Mean MORE?  True, we all want to chase many things.  And somehow, it seems that being LESS is like limiting ourselves to our bigger capabilities in life📗📙📘

Then, we were taught further that if you keep limiting yourself, you might be wasting your time trying to reach your full potential.  This is WHY being LESS is touted to be useless and NOT the way to succeed.  And we get harangued, like, START GRABBING AS MANY SHINY THINGS AS SOON AS YOU CAN.  So, is that HOW you achieve success?  Oh, apparently, these days, everything is now MORE, MORE, MORE.  Aim for this and that.  Find this and that.  Pursue this and that.  We all have heard that, and even like crypto, coding, freelance and many more💦💦💦

Go to social media.  A lot of people in Youtube and other platforms recommend donkey ways to become rich and richer.  This is when FOMO [that FEAR OF MISSING OUT] gets into the picture as it leads us to grab many shiny things and once we have it, it becomes hard to get out because of the money, time, and sacrifices that we have poured out💥💥💥

Dude, we CAN'T go back and let all of that be wasted, right?  This is caused a lot by that FEAR OF MISSING OUT.  We tried to become more and more and more.  Trying to grab many things at once.  BUT the biggest underlying problem is that focusing on many things is a BIG LIE.  Let's swing back to real-life scenarios. LIKE you want to focus 20% on investing, 20% on your job, and 20% on working.  Hey hey hey, that's actually NOT focusing BUT that's diversifying.  You tend to spread your focus on each activity you are working on.  This is the BIG LIE that most people are holding right now.  Most people think that grabbing many things and focusing on all of them is actually focus💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  Let us NOT lose track of our priorities and WHERE possible, let us NOT go off-grid by getting into that DIVERSIFICATION of our focus, which effectively is a classic case of distraction.  Moreover, once we end up 'segmenting' our time, we need to realize that at the end of the day, we may end up with 3, 4 or 5 tasks all ongoing BUT NOTHING accomplished.  Indeed, DOING LESS MAY BE MORE💧💧💧

[Sometimes] Our Own Ambition Is Our Problem

[Sometimes] Our Own Ambition Is Our Problem!@#$%?

[Sometimes] Our Own Ambition Is Our Problem!@#$%? Here we go again.  AMBITION is generally regarded as a good thing.  And the whole world really loves a go-getter.  People WHO want to save the planet, populate other planets and make trillions of dollars WHILE doing so.  WHATEVER gets the boat floating.  That explains WHY Elon Musk remains the world's #1 billionaire even as we speak now.  BUT again, SOMETIMES, OUR OWN AMBITION IS THE PROBLEM.  DON'T look farther folks📘📙📗

Unfortunately, a big fraction of us all do fall prey to our own AMBITIONS.  In excess, AMBITION damages reputations, relationships and can lead to catastrophic failure.  On the other hand, too little AMBITION can make the person in question look lazy OR worse, unmotivated.  Further, it can result in mediocre performance, boredom and a bleak sense of futility.  BUT again, fostering a healthy level of AMBITION is NOT that easy, and amidst so much uncertainty, it may seem like a low priority💥💥💥

BUT, a well-balanced AMBITION leads to creativity and innovation, greater levels of performance and deeper levels of joy and satisfaction at work, WHEREVER work may be.  Having that 'pause button' hit makes this a wonderful time for us to step back and reflect on our professional and even personal aspirations.  For a while in the past, I'll admit I felt AMBITIOUS.  OR at the very least, I tried to be one😌😌😌

After al, culture's 'conditioning machine' had been convincing me that I should be AMBITIOUS.  BUT here's the thing.  Deep down inside me [during those years of unabated AMBITION], I just wanted to sit outside, enjoy the sun, and generally take things easy and comfy enough.  And you know WHAT?  Our society will make you believe that it's WRONG to want that!@#$%?

Our takeaway:  In the dictionary, AMBITION is simply that strong desire for success, achievement, power and wealth.  WHICH is fair game!  BUT through the years, I did notice a subtle shift in the usage of the word itself, an almost imperceptible stepping back in its use.  Perhaps, the current models of great ambition are either politicians OR business moguls like Elon Musk, more on power and wealth and less on success and achievement.  It now seems that people would rather chase dreams OR visions and not AMBITION as there has been a growing NEGATIVITY about it.  Either way dude, you got to strike the 'right' balance between low and high AMBITION so you end up on the right flank❗❗❗