Listening Is At The Core of Our Communications Problems

Listening Is At The Core of Our Communications Problems

Are we having communications problems almost everywhere many times of our waking hours?  Yes, Listening Is At The Core of Our Communications Problems but this is NOT due to the lack of such communications but instead, this all boils down to the fact that many of us are [apologies to be frank and blunt here] poor listeners, period⏳⏳

Truth is, LISTENING is more than just being physically present when another person is talking.  It goes way beyond that.  Instead, anyone who has deployed a disengaged 'hmmmmm' while one's spouse or partner is asking about dinner.  But LISTENING [and NOT just hearing] means a lot more than that.  And for us to commit ourselves to be an ACTIVE listener augurs well as it opens up the horizons of communications💊💊💊

The rules of thumb of basic LISTENING are fairly simple but it's for us to embrace those basic behaviors that augurs well for healthy communications and a most auspicious way to start is for us to SHUT UP and LISTEN.  And while that may sound simple, it's actually an important FIRST STEP.  Now, let's get into semantics💎💎💎

In case we're mixed up, let's juggle the spelling of L-I-S-T-E-N and we will end up with S-I-L-E-N-T.  A quick disclaimer though.  NOT everyone deserves your time or attention.  The foundation of LISTENING is RESPECT so you DON'T need to put up with folks who disrespect your boundaries.  When someone is done speaking, take a bit of what the person said and add a bit to it.  This is REFLECTIVE LISTENING❗❗❗

WHY is there an unabated uptick of arguments that lead to squabbles then worsening to an argument that goes out of hand to become a full-blown conflicts and for couples, many even end up divorcing?  Easily, 30% of this vicious cycle is caused by the absence of a GOOD LISTENER.  Indeed, Listening Is At The Core of Our Communications Problems ✅✅✅

Do You Have A Card Or Two To Play?

Do You Have A Card Or Two To Play?

French Writer Francois Marie Arouet a.k.a. Voltaire once said: 'EACH PLAYER MUST ACCEPT THE CARDS LIFE DEALS HIM OR HER; BUT ONCE THEY ARE IN HAND, HE OR SHE MUST ALONE DECIDE HOW TO PLAY THE CARDS IN ORDER TO WIN THE GAME'.  In any casino even way out of THE STRIP [in Reno, Las Vegas], once the dealer deals all the cards, the players have to play whatever cards they were given.  In short, they have to play the cards to the best of their ability.  They have to live OR die with the hand that was dealt to them.  They have to do their best with the hand they were given.  Now, Do You Have A Card Or Two To Play❓❓❓

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Life is a lot like a game of cards.  We all are dealt a hand and whether good or bad, we have to play that hand according to the rules of the GAME of LIFE.  In fact, we live or die with the hand that was dealt to us.  We do their best with the hand we were given.  And no matter how UNFAIR we think our hand is, we just can't trade it in⏳⏳⏳

However, as in most card games, every player has a chance to pluck meaning pick new cards can be added to each player's hand.  If you get enough plucks you can even replace your original hand and the only scary thing is you NEVER know which card you will pluck.  In life, we all are given opportunities, BIG time and more small ones.  Sometimes these opportunities hit us like a ton of bricks and we would be dumb if we didn't take them.  But sometimes, things can be a bit more subtle💎💎💎

Regardless, we are all given opportunities in life.  Yet, these opportunities are worthless if we squander them.  If you get an opportunity, please DON'T let it go to waste, take full advantage of it no matter how big OR small.  DON'T let any opportunity pass you by even if it's nothing more than a networking event❗❗❗

You might NOT meet your business partner or that person who's going to take your career to the next level but you MIGHT meet the person who knows someone who can.  Winning in this game of life has little to do with the cards you were dealt and more to do with how you play them.  Just because some of us were born poor doesn't mean we will lost from birth.  It just meant we were dealt a bad hand BUT not all is lost.  Eventually, you get your turn to pluck a card for a chance at another opportunity.  Make sure you HAVE A CARD OR TWO TO PLAY✅✅✅

ALWAYS Ace The Test

ALWAYS Ace The Test

Would you believe, there is a plurality of our population who would loathe or hate any TEST that comes into one's life but do you know that it's NOT that we can choose our battles.  TESTS come into our life as a 'FORCE MAJEURE'.  It comes NOT because it is our choice or preference.  Instead, it comes because it has to come even at our weakest point, at our lowest point in life.  No amount of power and/or influence can even stall or delay things once a TEST is about to hit us.  All we need to do is this:  ALWAYS Ace The Test💊💊💊

No matter our cultural background or our work/vocation, everyday we get confronted with various challenges.  You got a warning from our university professor for a possible marginal academic result, you caused a slip-up at work, you offended your partner or spouse but with no ill intentions, your business partner/supplier reneged on his contract to supply you your raw materials, you hit a financial patch, etc📌📌📌

What do we do?  Not to over-complicate things, we got two options namely, to accept these challenges and face it head on OR you resist or ignore them, hoping and praying that it will just go away and dissipate in thin air.  But let us accept this harsh reality that those challenges are very much closely woven into the fabric of our lives⏳⏳⏳

Now, have we wondered what the purpose of your life is?  Most common answers will be either success, happiness OR satisfaction.  But all these are worthwhile goals, the real purpose of our life is to [REALLY] face each of the challenges every TEST.  In a nutshell, life is a TEST for you to be and become your BEST SELF [and no less than that]✅✅✅

Now, while we cannot choose most of the tests we face in life, we can choose most of our tests in life, we can choose how we're going to face them.  Are we going to have a miserable experience, crumble under pressure, run away or avoid such TESTS in life?  OR are we going to find our inner strength to rise to such challenges and fully actualize our own potential?  Bottom line here is to really ALWAYS ACE THE TEST❗❗❗

Yes, Satisfaction Waxes And Wanes Too

Yes, Satisfaction Waxes And Wanes Too

Yesirrrrrrrrrs, much to our chagrin, even our Satisfaction Waxes And Wanes Too.  BUT you might retort, WHY? Well, while researches have yielded mixed results, those studies still reached a common ground by concluding that relationship satisfaction tends to decrease from age 20 to 40.  Then, from that low point, it typically increases until age 65 then stays relatively stable for approximately another 10 years or so.  When they analyzed relationships by length, the pattern was slightly different.  Couples tend to be less satisfied during the first 10 years but that satisfaction REBOUNDS for the next 20 years before it wanes again📌📌📌

Exactly, the researchers tagged this all as the TRAJECTORY OF LOVE.  Why are we least happy with our relationships as we approach mid-life before the trajectory recovers and rebounds again?  Everyone points to the MID-LIFE crisis as indeed a real phenomenon, with happiness levels dipping around that time and those studies tend to link this even to our romantic life⏳⏳⏳

Indeed, researchers have just reaffirmed that in our middle age, we may be juggling busy work hours while multi-tasking to raise the kids and to add to that, to look after aging parents.  Those findings did suggest that parents to be less satisfied with their relationships compared by partners without kids.  On the same breadth, the SENSE OF POSSIBILITY that comes with being young may get lost with us adults💎💎💎

And as we cross mid-life, life-changing events do happen.  One gets divorced and finds a new, happier relationship. Or we might simply make peace with the partner we have [NOT BECAUSE you're still swoon over heels] because there may be NO infinite options out there.  That's when reality sinks in✅✅✅

What this all tells us is that we got to realize that indeed our satisfaction does have its peaks and valleys BUT here's a big BUT.  We DON'T need to succumb to this trending patterns because it's us who should maneuver and dictate the trajectory of our life.  And regardless if our satisfaction does WAX and WANE, it should not impact our relationships❗❗❗

Keep Playing Until The Wheel Falls Off

Keep Playing Until The Wheel Falls Off

Who says we just need to keep moving but be watchful of the wheels?  Of course we have to BUT just Keep Playing Until The Wheel Falls Off, that's the mantra we need to embrace in life. Unfortunately, many of us [and I'm guilty of it several times in the past] are so captivated by perfection and idealism such that before we take the next step, we would wish that the next step we'll take is an almost zero low risk with the lowest probability of failure entailing the least effort and/or resources.  BUT life wasn't meant to be that way💊💊💊

It's perfectly nice to be ideal but to reach that ideal point may need you to take a donkey years more whereas if you go for what is reasonably acceptable, you can then start grabbing those low hanging fruits.  Heard of someone who wants to enroll in an Ivy League School, stretching his patience to wait and wait till he hurdles all the pre-requisites BUT after many years passed, he's there stuck and stalled ⏳⏳⏳

As this cute poster says, "DON'T WAIT FOR THE PERFECT MOMENT.  TAKE THE MOMENT AND MAKE IT PERFECT".  Exactly, you got to grab the bull by its horns [and NOT the other way around].  By buying and biding your time, you then get that window to go for perfection📌📌📌

You could be the 'odd man out' when no one quits except yourself but if it's the other way around, when everyone else quit and you're the LAST MAN STANDING, then you are perfectly fine, you're on the right track.  In my not so distant past, I had batch mates, we're like in the open track and field, ready for the firing gun.  Regrettably though, a good number of my batch mates felt it was NOT yet their time to go 'ALL OUT' in their relentless pursuit of their goals.  Some did quit even before the race started whilst some did quit a quarter of the way and some just got waylaid halfway through💎💎💎

Lesson here is that NEVER GIVE UP IN LIFE, even if you're battered and bruised, black and blue.  As long as you're ALIVE & KICKING, some of your wheels are still serviceable so the only recourse is to keep going because eventually you will get your second wind.  It's always a win-win for you to Keep Playing Until The Wheel Falls Off✅✅✅

The Bed You Made Is The Bed You Lay In

The Bed You Made Is The Bed You Lay In

Before anything else, allow me to clear up things.  Today's piece is neither about travel or tourism but we just want to draw the parallelism for The Bed You Made Is The Bed You Lay In because that message resonates in our daily lives in multifarious ways and shapes.  This adage just CAN'T be debunked because this is air-tight enough to hold that water regardless if the water gets heavier💊💊💊

Harvest what you planted.  Reap what you started.  There's just NO WAY you will harvest a bounty of fruits if what you planted is grass.  NO WAY can you reap the best fruits if what you planted is NOT any of the FRUITS you dreamed of.  If you're still in the academe, the grades you will get is based on the results of your academic performance⏳⏳⏳

Let's swing over to the workplace.  From the time you first take a plunge into the job market, the trajectory of your career heavily hinges on your performance at work.  Do things lazily, you know what's in store for you.  Do things shabbily, you know the QUALITY SCORE you'll get.  Do things reactively, you will get what you deserve.  Move over to your relationships.  How long and how far your relationship will go on and endure heavily hinges on the way you nurtured it to be healthy enough to withstand the challenges along the way💎💎💎

I can attest to having witnessed young students LOST in the MAZE simply because they did NOT put in the required effort in their academic life.  I have witnessed people with potentials yet never even reaching even halfway through their ceiling.  I also bear witness to relationships that seem rock solid only to flounder down the road.  I have seen budding entrepreneurs with all the business acumen only to end up kaput✅✅✅

Now for that icing of the cake.  Nothing can be best exemplified the way we parents raise our children.  Although there are results that defy the given rule of thumb, by and large, how the children are raised by their parents do carry a very big weight in their next phase in life.  That explains why children whose parents get divorced do often end up as COLLATERAL DAMAGE.  The thing is, THE BED YOU MADE IS THE BED YOU LAY IN❗❗❗

That CLARITY IN LIFE

That CLARITY IN LIFE

Living intentionally requires CLARITY.  When we are clear about what makes us happy, healthy, loving and wonderful, we can be happy, healthy. loving and wonderful as well.  Let's imagine a life with less confusion and doubt.  CLARITY makes everything easier but getting there requires change and commitment especially if we are busy, distracted or overwhelmed.  If ever we want to come up with better decisions, we need to become MORE trusting, be healthier and do more meaningful work.  This is all about That CLARITY IN LIFE💊💊💊

One of the most common advisories I receive is for us to CREATE SPACE because our mind has to process everything that crosses our field of vision.  If within our home or work environment is cluttered and messy, that mess and clutter results in brain fog. we can't work effectively or even live thoughtfully in chaos.  In short, CLEAR THE CLUTTER and CREATE SPACE.  Thereafter, IDENTIFY WHAT MATTERS.  Scribble and write down your PASSION STATEMENTS for work and life.  What may not really matter [like passion statements] are really a MUST.  That CLARITY IN LIFE⏳⏳⏳

Now, here's a very common FAUX PAS.  We tend to multi-task these days.  But hey, DO ONE THING AT A TIME.  When you're writing, WRITE.  When you're doing the dishes, DO the wishes.  You DON'T need that TV, Twitter and eleven other mobile apps all at the same time.  Immerse yourself in the TASK AT HAND.  To reinforce this, ELIMINATE distractions.  You may feel so comfy to the beeps and dings of your smart phone with those alerts and flashing messages but they DISTRACT you, right?  Studies show that it can take fifteen [15] minutes or more to recover from even the slightest distraction.  C'mon, just TURN OFF those notifications and if you CAN'T resist the pull of your device, just TURN IT OFF when you're doing other work. That CLARITY IN LIFE📌📌📌

Now, this could be a hard sell.  Try writing things down to get CLARITY.  You DON'T need to be writer to even scribble and write short pieces.  If you are experiencing great CLARITY, write it down.  If you CAN'T get clear, write that down too.  Sometimes, you will realize that you can WRITE out that distraction and get down to CLARITY.  Thereafter, take a step further. EXPERIMENT.  You just DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW.  If you want CLARITY about the foods that best fuel you, the habits that improve your life, or the work you want to do an EXPERIMENT.  Try learning through experience and experiements.  That CLARITY IN LIFE✅✅✅

Now, for the hard part.  PUT YOUR ASS WHERE YOUR HEART WANTS TO BE.  Sounds emo, right?  But to quote famous American writer Steven Pressfield, '"THAT'S THE TRICK AND THERE IS NOTHING MORE TO IT".  Getting to That CLARITY IN LIFE may seem daunting but it's NOT❗❗❗

Heavy Lifting In Life

Heavy Lifting In Life

So sorry folks if you mistook today's thread as being written by a gym buff because I'm not one. But instead, we'd like to delve more about our Heavy Lifting In Life.  While we all keep harping on our sense of responsibility in terms of taking care of our families and loved ones, what pops up as well is the frequency and extent of our Heavy Lifting In Life.  Are we single-handedly taking the Heavy Lifting In Life💊💊💊

The other day as we were on a short countryside holiday, I noticed a line of ants crossing the path in front of me.  Momentarily I paused and watched them all queueing in a single line.  Not aware where they were going or if they were walking with a purpose, I then noticed one carrying a leaf.  And then I noticed another.  And another again.  And those ants carrying leaves  seemed to be keeping up BUT the longer I watched, the more I noticed they were walking a little slower than the others📌📌📌

I DON'T know much about ants and I have NO idea how they decided which ants need to carry the leaves and which ants can continue walking unencumbered.  All I noticed was that some ants were walking peacefully while others were carrying a heavy burden.  And that reminded me about life itself.  Sometimes, we tend to walk peacefully but other times, Heavy Lifting In Life comes into play.  There are seasons in life where the path is easy and the burdens are light⏳⏳⏳

Indeed, during those times, health is good, $$$$$ is in the bank, relationships are healthy and our habits are serving us well.  But there are seasons in life where the burden is heavy.  For those with families, kids are making unwise choices, our relationships with our loved ones seem to be turning against us and bad news continues to mount with no end in sight.  Yet, when we look around, everyone else seem to be fine, unencumbered, enjoying their path through life and even celebrating their share of successes.  BUT we're stuck carrying that HEAVY LEAF.  We're trying our hardest to keep up BUT the burden seems heavy💎💎💎

Quo vadis?  Here's our challenge of a lifetime.  Those of us rushing swiftly from one end to another, unburdened, without that LEAF.  Take time to notice those with HEAVY BURDENS.  There is a temptation when our burden is light to NOT notice the HEAVY LIFTING being done by others.  That Heavy Lifting In Life✅✅✅

When Intentions Are NOT Enough

When GOOD Intentions Are NOT Enough

Does this sound familiar?  When we uttered YES  a zillion times when we were prodded to do or perform something.  Fast forward, how was it?  If I may guess, those zillion YES replies all got stalled.  So, what's our issue here?  It is WHEN GOOD INTENTIONS ARE NOT ENOUGH  that's becoming a challenge for us, even in the most sublime and seemingly mundane fashion.  But c'mon, we got to take this seriously⏳⏳⏳

Thing is, good intentions are just NOT enough.  We usually expect our gifts and help to strengthen our relationships with our recipients.  But that doesn't always happen.  Indeed, givers are sometimes taken aback when recipients respond negatively.  They often think of things like:  I WAS ONLY TRYING TO HELP or WHY DO THEY RESENT ME WHEN I'VE BEEN SO GOOD TO THEM'.  Back at work, have you ever worked so hard at something that the more you tried, the harder the task became and the further away your goal seemed to get?  In the shortest words, ONE STEP FORWARD, TWO STEPS BACKWARD.  Ironically, the same way that fear brings to pass what one is afraid of, likewise a forced intention makes impossible what one may forcibly wish for📌📌📌

Let's go back to our work scenarios.  Our jobs are always MORE THAN OUR JOBS.  They represent relationships between us and others within the workplace.  And that even extends to our customers.  All these relationships weave together through our work, they all have their meanings, both individually and collectively.  When we focus too intently on the outcome, these relationships may suffer💎💎💎

Meaning is then found in our awareness of the MOMENT and when we get too far from the MOMENT we start to lose our effectiveness.  Even when the stakes are high and our success is essential, , focusing on the results rather than the process can actually get in the way of a successful outcome.  We all know how it works.  The higher the expectations are, the more disconnected we are from the actual accomplishment of it and the less able we are to participate when it unfolds✅✅✅

To quote Victor Frankl, a well respected psychiatrist, "OUR GOOD INTENTIONS ACTUALLY BECOME THE CAUSE OF OUR FAILURE".  When a specific success is so fervently sought that we tend to overlook and neglect the relationships that are an integral part of the process, we lay the seeds for something to go wrong.  In the end, we seem to fly in the face of our own success. Really, When Intentions Are Not Enough❗❗❗

Your BELLS & WHISTLES

Your BELLS & WHISTLES

Please DON'T get me wrong here.  Your BELLS & WHISTLES are most welcome because that's part and parcel of life.  Boosting and enhacing our life and our relationships with our loved ones really need those BELLS & WHISTLES.  So, you might wonder:  So what gives? What is it that bothers us?  Hmmmmm, not that it's bothersome but in life, beside all those BELLS & WHISTLES, we need to make and shape things to be content-heavy and not that hollow that seemingly makes life alive via BELLS & WHISTLES.  We just DON'T want you to waste your life.  And while no one sets out to fritter away one's time, who knows💎💎💎

Let's do some basic number crunching.  As per studies, each of us has roughly 27,000 days to live, subtract a third or so of that for sleeping and another chunk for those early formative years which you DON'T remember and CAN'T just control, you're left with a pretty terrifying low number.  Oooooops i'm sorry, this is NOT to depress you.  But as the great philosophers have reminded us, remembering the SHORTNESS OF LIFE is what spurs us all to live authentically⏳⏳⏳

And frankly, when you are cognizant of the fact that time is short, trust me, you will value it appropriately.  And when you value time appropriately, you just DON'T want to waste it.  And if you have any sense at all of how precious life is, you will then tend to avoid obvious ways to fritter away your hours and years, just like many TV and movie binges.  But there are many ways to let life pass you by that are less easy to spot and therefore more dangerous.  So, HOW can we complement the BELLS & WHISTLES?  DON'T surround yourself with the 'WRONG PEOPLE'.  Just choose to spend your time with those where you will be productive and happy.  Be wary to end up with a recipe for wasted time📌📌📌

Obviously, there are many ways we can go wrong [like, God forbid, spending and wasting your energy dealing with manipulators and narcissists], whew.  BUT one of the most disastrous can also be the easiest to fall into because it's based on kindness and optimism, sticking with a relationship of any sort simply because you were thinking the other party will change✅✅✅

But again, that's another recipe for tons of wasted time.  In fact, studies have proven that RELATIONSHIPS REQUIRE MAINTENANCE' but again there's a difference between maintaining a good relationship and trying to force a bad once that doesn't make much sense to begin with.  When you're fundamentally incompatible with someone [whether that's in business or in romance], cut your losses or risk wasting too much of your limited time.  Always remember folks that we should not end up with a 'hollowed life' that goes with those BELLS & WHISTLES.  Our need is to have a substantive and meaningful life no less❗❗❗