Out Of Control?

Out Of Control?

By nature, we human beings really have that deep-seated desire for certainty and CONTROL.  And of course, the fact that we coined 'CONTROL FREAK' indicates our need for CONTROL can go too far in fact.  BUT what if your life is Out Of Control? Maybe we shouldn't be surprised then that so many measures of our collective mental health are all heading in the wrong direction these days.  BUT given that the world looks unlikely to grow less crazy anytime soon, does that mean we're doomed to be miserable until our lives feel CONTROLLABLE📢📢📢

BUT not to despair, though, studies show that while we may NOT always be able to CONTROL events [OR even triggers] in life, we certainly can CONTROL our reaction to them and that can make a world of difference for our happiness.  Psychologists' researches show that there are two kinds of CONTROLs, namely, PRIMARY CONTROL and SECONDARY CONTROL💴💷💵

Examples of PRIMARY CONTROL are your decisions WHERE TO LIVE or even WHAT TO ORDER in a restaurant.  And while that's the most common one, SECONDARY CONTROL is very much close to its heels and the stark difference in the latter is that you DON'T CONTROL the events herein BUT you do CONTROL how you think about and respond to them.  SECONDARY CONTROL kicks in when you reframe a failure as a learning experience, that kind of HALF-FULL stuff📗📙📘

Over and over again, studies all scream in unison that humans prefer PRIMARY CONTROL [for obvious reasons] BUT they also showed that SECONDARY CONTROL can go a long way to promote feelings of both moment-to-moment HAPPINESS and even overall life satisfaction.  Intrinsically, it is a richer notion of WHAT it means to live a GOOD, FULL LIFE.  It's an attitude that DOESN'T downplay the negative experiences of life, yet it allows for a different kind of engagement with life✅✅✅

This gets to what SECONDARY CONTROL is about, being able to fit one's experiences into a broader narrative in life.  Events may be very often out of our hands BUT it is HOW we interpret and understand them which matters more.  Our takeaway:  You can always CONTROL how you tell your story.  WHEN you can't steer events, you can always steer HOW you think about them.  And this is when life being OUT of CONTROL becomes a thing of the past❗❗❗

When Do You SPEAK?

When Do You SPEAK?

When Do You SPEAK?  Good question.  Tough question though.  And the answer is that there is NO clear-cut answer to that question because you need to factor-in a couple of things before deciding on the best timing to SPEAK UP.  BUT Let's hear from Nelson Mandela, South Africa's most famous anti-apartheid activist who shared what he learned from his father💵💴💷

And Mandela said, two things he learned from his father.  Have all attendees sit in a circle and always speak last.  BUT let's throw out those assumptions that we are like Mandela or even Jeff Bezos.  Let's stick to being a layman, a worker, a father figure at home, a businessman.  The recommended best practice regardless of the environment you are in, is to set the tone that goes like this:  HERE'S OUR AGENDA, HERE'S WHAT I THINK BUT I'M INTERESTED TO HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS📗📙📘

Studies show that the skill to hold your OPINION until everyone else has spoken does two things, namely:  It gives everyone else the feeling that they have been heard and you get that benefit of listening to valuable inputs from everyone else before rendering your thoughts.  And as you sit there and listen, yes you can ask questions BUT a word of caution.  If you agree with somebody, DON'T nod YES and if you DON'T agree, DON'T nod NO,  In that way, you will be able to understand NOT only what the speakers mean BUT also where they are speaking from, listening from their perspectives📌📌📌

Let's play roles here, assuming it will be a serious discussion amongst your family members and you happen to be the most respected patriarch.  Imagine if you will be the first one to talk and talk, either some of them will get intimidated OR discouraged OR at the very least, some will be hesitant to speak out especially if they end up in loggerheads with you❌❌❌

The most difficult part is to develop that skill to hold your OWN OPINIONS to yourself until everyone has spoken because as per studies, it leads to two things, namely:  It gives everybody else the feeling that they have been heard and that it gives everyone the ability to feel that they have contributed.  And secondly, it gives us the benefit of hearing what everybody else has to think before you speak out.  The last thing you want to see are people withdrawing and settling down to their gadgets, refusing to speak up.  Our takeaway, DON'T speak out SO SOON❎❎❎

Why FUTURE Should Be For The FUTURE

Why FUTURE Should Be For The FUTURE

Why FUTURE Should Be For The FUTURE.  But the bigger question, what pushes most of us to be preoccupied with the FUTURE?  The answer is in a 4-letter word spelled F-E-A-R.  When we FEAR something, we DON'T FEAR that particular thing BUT instead we FEAR how it will feel to go through it OR how it will affect you.  You then FEAR the emotional part💴💷💵

Now, if we rattle off the list of FEARS that causes us to struggle, it's a loooooong list, namely FEAR of change, failure, loneliness, rejection, uncertainty, getting hurt, bad things happening, being judged, inadequacy and that loss of freedom.  Think about HOW many of those FEARS you are currently experiencing📗📙📘

True, those fears like losing one's job, OR that FEAR of rejection OR failure are valid BUT WHAT IF you saw losing your career as an OPPORTUNITY?  It would become something you no longer fear.  Indeed, many people FEAR those standard parts of life.  They FEAR unavoidable things that are guaranteed to happen.  The question is, WHAT can you do to live a meaningful, vibrant, engaged life in the face of all FEARS❌❌❌

We know it, WHEN we FEAR things, we know WHAT will happen next.  It will paralyze you and it WON'T allow you to move past that FEAR.  You can curb that WORRY, build your confidence, and thrive by applying practical measures for us to STOP worrying about the FUTURE.  So HOW?  When new technologies come, we often resist it NOT because they're bad but because how we FEAR change❗❗❗

What's our takeaway today?  When you DON'T connect to your FEARS, you often resist change that is GOOD for you.  CHANGE is going to happen whether you decide to accept it or NOT.  If we're aware of WHAT you're scared to lose, you can protect those things without losing everything.  BUT not everything we FEAR makes sense because THE FUTURE SHOULD BE FOR THE FUTURE📌📌📌

When POSITIVITY Rubs Off

When POSITIVITY Rubs Off

Are you POSITIVE-minded enough?  OR can you be more POSITIVE than what you are now?  OR on the downside, are you more of a NEGATIVE person who deserves to be flipped to be POSITIVE enough?  So, When POSITIVITY Rubs Off, do we stand a china man's chance to improve even by an inch from what OR where we are now?  C'mon dude💴💷💵

If there's something we DON'T need to exert any effort, it's how to distinguish POSITIVE from NEGATIVE as it's like WHITE versus BLACK, GOOD and BAD, RIGHT and WRONG.  In which case, that desire to live a good and POSITIVE life comes naturally to us.  A POSITIVE life is different from just a specific goal we set to achieve.  If you want a specific thing like money, assets, a job or a person, then you might have it BUT it's still something you CAN'T always control.  But a POSITIVE life is something you can always take control of and change from within because you can live a positive life NO matter WHERE you are, WHO you are📗📙📘

So, WHAT is a POSITIVE life after all?  Numero uno, it's more than something you can just control.  It entails a series of thought processes, beliefs, and an overall mindset.  And going down on the nitty-gritty, it is maintaining an overly POSITIVE and realistic attitude and taking POSITIVE actions.  Focusing on the solutions to your problems rather than the problem itself💊💊💊

Consistently exerting that honest-to-goodness effort to constantly improve yourself and your life ignites you to learn especially from your failures and your mistakes, then moving past them and trying again with a new approach.  Living in the PRESENT and making the most of it while NOT dwelling much on the PAST or even the FUTURE.  And most importantly, FOCUSING the GOOD traits in people and NOT solely focusing on their flaws.  This then will lead you to more empathetic and even less judgmental and ultimately, you can strive your best with WHAT you have to work with✅✅✅

Now, indeed, all these are easier said than done.  So, where do we go from here?  CONTROL your mindset.  Let's look back how do we wake up everyday?  Do we wake up when the alarm clock goes off?  That's kind of saying that the idea of waking up early is a BAD thing and your mind makes the alarm clock as the trigger.  Another petty thing is waking up grumpy because you DON'T have to start your day that way BUT doing so, it's like you programmed all by yourself in your mind.  Think POSITIVE.  Act POSITIVE.  Live POSITIVE.  And mingle with POSITIVE people.  That's when POSITIVITY rubs off, promise❗❗❗

Multitasking Is A MYTH, Period

Multitasking Is A MYTH, Period

Good day folks.  For our thread today, please allow me to kickstart off with this declarative statement that regardless, Multitasking Is A MYTH, Period, and this is NOT even a conditional statement.  What's frustrating is that MULTI-TASKING continues to be peddled and advocated by many of us when in truth, we can debunk MULTI-TASKING anytime we want💴💷💵

Way prior to even that Covid-19 pandemic did hit us hard, across all industries, we all hear MULTI-TASKING.  Let's be cautious, though, that there are cases when the GREEN LIGHT for MULTI-TASKING illuminates from the top of the organization, by and large, let us NOT drag management and our bosses into that MULTI-TASKING conundrum📗📙📘

In these frenetic times, the hustle, hurry and bustle have become a regular way of life for many of us, so much so that we have embraced a word to describe our never-ending efforts to respond to the many pressing demands of our time, spelled as M-U-L-T-I-T-A-S-K-I-N-G.  Let's blame the computing industry for this one and you can QUOTE me on this.  I can make this statement without batting an eyelash because back then, as I was working in IBM mainframe-based environments, that thing on MULTI-TASKING was supposedly in reference to the computing power of those mainframe computers at that time❌❌❌

With MULTI-TASKING coined for decades to describe the parallel processing power of the high-end computers, MULTI-TASKING has now evolved to be the shorthand for that human attempt to do simultaneously as many things as possible, as quickly as possible, preferably marshalling the power of as many technologies as possible, ALL-IN-ONE, where possible❎❎❎

Of course, way back the 1990s and 2000s, one sensed a kind of exuberance about the possibilities of MULTI-TASKING.  Even those advertisements for electronic gadgets celebrated the notion of using technology to accomplish several things at once.  BUT at what price?  FOCUS.  QUALITY.  And, even ironically, PRODUCTIVITY.  WHY?  Where QUALITY has been compromised, obviously PRODUCTIVITY dips, obviously.  So, it's a given that MULTI-TASKING IS A MYTH❗❗❗

Does Opinion of Others Matter?

Does Opinion of Others Matter?

I've known people close enough WHO were like in a recurring STATE of STUPOR simply because they got kind of "PARALYZED" or stalled to make a decision OR to take a concrete action simply because they continue to weigh the OPINION of others.  Nothing wrong to listen to others' OPINIONS but for your decisions OR actions to get stalled because of others' OPINIONs is a NO-NO💵💴💷

But here's a WHAT IF.  WHAT IF the OPINION of others are hurtful and/or harmful?  That ugly tail will start to weave you out of your logical and/or practical senses.  Now, the reality is, sometimes, we really DON'T want to care WHAT others think or say about us.  And sometimes, we do succeed at that.  Sadly, more often than NOT, we fail.  Even one completely ridiculous and untrue OPINION that borders more of being rubbish or thrash does hurt📗📙📘

Though most of us [and that includes moi] would deny it, people's OPINIONS do matter to us.  WHY?  Simple.  Because people matter.  BUT there is one study that equates others' OPINION = PAIN and somehow I agree, literally it is a PAIN.  Think of the SOCIAL PAIN we've been enduring, caused by bullying [especially cyber bullying these days], rejection, breakups.  And when you factor in SOCIAL MEDIA, those tons and tons of UNSOLICITED OPINIONS would come in like an unabated avalanche during the harsh winters❗❗❗

Now let's face it and admit it, some of us [and I was guilty of this too several times in the past], to avoid that PAIN coming from others' OPINIONS, become people pleasers.  Kow-towing, personality-less-yes-men and women who give other human beings too much power, treating them like GODS or Semi-GODS.  Others go to the opposite extreme though, locking up their hearts, pulling out their masks of meanness and cynicism, looking down on human beings as either stupid, narrow-minded, worthless creatures whose thoughts are worth NO more than those of a cockroach.  But personally, me thinks that this kind of mindset is a stretch, seriously✅✅✅

Many of us, though, alternate between looking at those opinions as either coming from GODS or cockroaches.  BUT be forewarned that without being ill-intentioned, sometimes, OPINIONS of others could end up as a POISON.  Sometimes, the wrong words have killed more dreams than self-doubt ever will.  Just a word is ENOUGH to bring you away from one's desires.  High performers NEVER react to WHAT people say.  WHY?  Because their mental belief acts as a shield to protect their dreams where they are focused.  Now, DOES OPINION OF OTHERS MATTER❓❓❓

Be Wary of WORDS

Be Wary of WORDS

For most of us in our daily lives, WORDS are just part and parcel of the totality of the snippets in our daily lives.  Be Wary of WORDS.  Watch out WHAT you speak.  Human beings are blessed with a unique ability, a distinctive talent to communicate with each other.  It is such an extraordinary blessing that we can govern this world because of this unique benefit.  This boon is the capability to speak.  The words that come out of our mouth may seem too light BUT they are heavier than the brawniest object in the world.  The words spoken by a person can either make OR break another person💴💷💵

It is said that the BULLET SHOT FROM A GUN and the WORDS SPOKEN can never be taken back.  This explains why it is indispensable to use the most appropriate words possible.  As human beings, we need to use them in a way that they should be appreciated.  A word of encouragement spoken in the right way and the right tone are the best ever📗📙📘

Whereas, if we end up 'spewing words' that are least fit, it can even break a heart, cause friction OR worse, even sour relationships.  The wounds caused by the words are more resonant and painful than the injuries caused by anything else.  Impolite words NEVER miss the target of shattering the heart.  Choosing them wisely is the least we can do✅✅✅

Many great personalities have come and gone in this world.  They could 'RULE OUR HEARTS' just by the way they spoke and held us together with affection and perseverance.  Verily, even a fair and ethical discourse can drastically turn a monster into a saint.  Always think a thousand times before you speak.  It influences the one who hears it.  The worst of it, it can cause friction or even trigger an argument even on a NON-ISSUE❌❌❌

Now, for the 'ICING ON THE CAKE'.  Be most wary of the UNSPOKEN words but instead are manifested with ACTIONs because as that very old cliche goes, ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.  True, sometimes we are outraged or frustrated.  The best way is to keep mum and be silent because silence can ward off and pre-empt problems that are just waiting to be ignited.  The fact that we have our fair share of problems in our daily life, the last thing we want is to unnecessarily create problems easily avoided❗❗❗

Are We EFFECTIVE Enough?

Are We EFFECTIVE Enough?

Are We EFFECTIVE Enough?  Or are we so effective enough that this topic is NOT worth spending another 5-10 minutes?  Unfortunately, EFFECTIVENESS seems like a boring and dry word, devoid of the excitement that triggers human interest.  BUT while in the business world, inefficiency is monitored and quantified in almost precise numbers, in our personal life, WHO would take pains to collect and log our EFFECTIVENESS data on a day to day basis💵💴💷

The downside of EFFECTIVENESS is that it is more a buzzword that you'll often hear on the list of criteria prospective employers would look for when seeking a new talent.  It is also an attribute that is frequently linked to people WHO are that motivated, organized and know WHAT they want and consistently set out to get it📗📙📘

Now, here's my soft-selling. Understanding EFFECTIVENESS and crafting a plan to implement it in your life is really the best way to pursue both personal and even professional growth.  So, what really is EFFECTIVENESS at least from a personal context?  In the shortest words possible, EFFECTIVENESS means getting the best out of yourself no less❗❗❗

It is our approach to SUCCESS that entails utilizing all of our energy, skill and motivation to develop and reach the goals you pre-set for yourself.  WHY is this important?  It being a trait often linked to positive well-being, it will likely lead to a successful and fulfilling life✅✅✅

Please note that EFFECTIVENESS is NOT limited to our technical capabilities and skills.  It covers even our COMMUNICATIONS skills.  Do you know that at least 20% of the problems we face are either caused OR worsened by disconnects or lapses in COMMUNICATIONS between parties? So, what's our takeaways?  Develop your CONFIDENCE, understand your STRENGTHs and LIMITS, be OPTIMISTIC, be PERSISTENT, focus in fixing [and NOT just patching] problems and never stop in building your good habits in TIME MANAGEMENT and SELF-MOTIVATION.  All these encompass the EFFECTIVENESS we need to focus❗❗❗

When Transparency Comes At A Price

When Transparency Comes At A Price

I admit I am one of the most vociferous ones when it's all about TRANSPARENCY but this is NOT something we're preaching unconditionally.  There are always circumstances and situation When Transparency Comes At A Price and a classic case are your pre-set GOALS.  Thinking of sharing OR announcing your pre-set GOALS to others?  Think about the ramifications💴💷💵

Swinging back to my own life, I expect transparency whether it's at work or at home.  And I can assure you that I do WALK THE TALK.  But when and where my pre-set GOALS are concerned, I am adamant that I keep it closest to my chest, NOT even my BFF's, NOT even my trusted friends, NOT even my closest relatives are made aware.  In the first place, WHY should I be prematurely spilling my pre-set GOALS to anyone else📘📙📗

Common belief tells us that publicly announcing your GOALS increases the chances of SUCCESS.  WHEN you tell everyone that you're going to jog everyday, then you would feel the pressure of having to follow through on your GOAL, OR otherwise let everyone down.  At least, that's WHAT we believe so.  Early in life, I did that twice OR thrice.  After all, it feels nice to 'ANNOUNCE' all the things I want to achieve in the future BUT researches show that this action leads to results that are otherwise unfavorable to you📌📌📌

Studies and researches extensively covered this debatable action BUT the results confirm that those whose intentions were known tended to act LESS on their intentions than those whose intentions were left UNKNOWN.  So, what's wrong kind of 'ANNOUNCING' your pre-set GOALs?  Researches confirm that telling people of what you want to achieve creates a PREMATURE sense of completeness❎❎❎

Studies further show that when you write down OR think your intentions, there's a GAP between WHERE you are and WHERE you want to be.  The compelling need to close this GAP helps you to act on your intentions.  BUT when you let others know about it, the GAP closes because you [artificially] feel the same way you should after completing your intentions.  Indeed, this is WHEN TRANSPARENCY COMES AT A PRICE❌❌❌

Can We Be A BAMBOO In Life

Can We Be A BAMBOO In Life 

That bamboo out there is NOT one that captures interests or attention.  UNLESS we  are asked if Can We Be A BAMBOO In Life at all?  Are you a bamboo?  Maybe.  Maybe NOT but there are over 1,000 species of bamboo.  However, the story of the Moso bamboo is the closest to our own and has the most to teach us.  Most plants will begin to germinate in 1-2 weeks.  BUT bamboo doesn't even shoot after four years.  So, you're that bamboo, I guess💵💴💷

As the bamboo builds its foundations for the first four years, it still appears that it all came at once, it DIDN'T.  The seed was always growing , just beneath the surface.  BUT we didn't see that.  Our eyes lied to us.  Somehow we're blind to the reality of things.  We fixate on the wrong things because expect to see the fruition of what we do within a given timeframe.  If there is something we can pick from this, it's that we DON'T reap in the same season we sow.  The price we pay for this we allow doubt and disbelief to creep in📗📙📘

Then, we become fearful and begin to lose faith and give up.  If we DON'T see the shoots after long enough, that's enough for us to believe that the seed is dead OR deduce something went wrong and give up.  Ultimately, the bigger the building, the deeper the foundations.  The taller the tree, the deeper the roots.  We've all seen a construction site that suddenly becomes a full-fledged skyscraper✅✅✅

The thing is, you CAN'T trust what you see OR don't see.  Studies show that 90% of the time, there's more to see OR you CAN'T see what you need to.  You only REAP AFTER YOU SOW.  So you might ask, is it worth it?  The best-efforts answer is, IT DEPENDS.  WHAT are you trying to grow?  Your expectations have to be relative and proportional to your desired outcome❗❗❗

What's our takeaway here?  It's that the development time is proportionate to the size of the output.  If you want to grow a patch of grass, then fine.  You DON'T need to do much.  DON'T expect it to take too long.  BUT you CAN'T have the same expectations if you want to grow an oak tree, right?  If you want to build a tent, maybe in 10 to 15 minutes, you're done BUT that won't withstand a storm.  Rain and cold, that is NOT a long-term solution.  A long-term solution is a brick house but it will take 100 times the effort and time to finish it.  CAN WE BE A BAMBOO IN LIFE✅✅✅