The Day I Learned I Was A NOBODY

The Day I Learned I Was A NOBODY

For several decades, hospitals were as foreign to me as the planetary bodies.  Many times I even boasted and bragged that the only time I got hospitalized was during my executive checkup UNTIL two Decembers ago, I went under the knife for the first time in my life.  Now I confess that was The Day I Learned I Was A NOBODY.  THAT I was NOT infallible.  THAT I was vulnerable.  THAT I was just human.  And WHAT does this tell me?  That SELF-EXAMINATION is one of the hardest things we humans can do.  Since at times our own ego is bigger than what we can handle, it takes an enormous amount of effort to recognize and accept our FAULTS💴💷💵

Although I grew up in our family where financial struggles was the norm ALMOST EVERY DAY [BUT that's not to heap the blame to my parents BUT I always accepted it as the harsh realities of life], I did develop that feeling of invincibility when growing up.  Ironically, going through the shackles from our family's financial struggles during my childhood DIDN'T deter me or shoot down my willpower.  BUT how can I blame myself.  When I was 19, while I was 'RAW', I guess many teens would blurt the same thing, 'WHAT CAN GO WRONG'📘📗📙

Incredibly, my solace was partly the knowledge that I have my entire life ahead of me.  So, I asked myself, 'WHY WORRY?'  Indeed, I took more chances than anyone I knew, even among my classmates and contemporaries.  While I did NOT live for the thrills, I did live for the CHALLENGES which indeed did wet my appetite and hunger to aim for more.  If I got a bit misguided, it was my [skewed] thinking that I could come up unscathed.  Only then much later in life did I start questioning NOT only my life BUT also my PURPOSE.  Suddenly, the 'thrills' ceased to be WHAT they once were💎💎💎

Then, at some point, I became increasingly disappointed [frankly, I was MORE frustrated than disappointed] in myself and everyone around me.  I then felt confused and anxious.  I was looking for something that I couldn't name, couldn't even pin down, something that would satisfy my SEARCH for something I DIDN'T even know WHERE to find, whew❌❌❌

Before I ended up stuck with credit-grabbing, WHAT woke me up were these undeniable facts.  My name?  WHO gave it to me?  My ID or even my driver's license?  WHO issued it to me?  Did I school yourself?  NOPE, I went to a place of learning.  And how about my IDEAS?  NOPE, I followed and did embrace the IDEAS of others.  And I settled for standards?  NOPE, they were the RESULTS.  In the shortest words, I am a CARBON COPY of millions like me, who follow the rules.  Regardless of culture, society labels us compulsively.  It's demanded that we do, to show our value.  BUT we already ARE.  To borrow the jargon of theologians, WE ARE THE ESSENCE OF DIVINITY ITSELF❗❗❗