Not To Devalue Our Self-Worth

 

Never devalue your SELF-WORTH.  Even without any bragging rights, have you ever felt like you're NOT good enough, NO matter HOW hard you try?  YES, you're NOT alone.  There are many of us in that very same boat.  Many people struggle with their SELF-WORTHINESS, that supposed unshakeable belief that you are capable, valuable and more than anything, deserving respect📗📙📘

Experts define SELF-WORTH as your own evaluation of yourself as a capable and valuable human deserving consideration and respect.  They call it, in layman's terms, an internal sense of being worthy of love.  Often, we would hear the most popular words like 'LOVE' and 'RESPECT' about our relationships with others such as our family members, friends, colleagues and even neighbors.  However, 'SELF-WORTH' gauges HOW much we respect, love and value ourselves📌📌📌

For a zillion reasons, SELF-WORTH is important enough.  Experts tell us that people with positive SELF-WORTH tend to have greater self-confidence and even self-esteem.  On the other hand, swinging to someone with low self-worth, it's nothing short of judging oneself harshly and having a low opinion of oneself.  Worse, researches showed that there is a tendency to focus on one's mistakes and shortcomings rather than one's abilities and strengths❎❎❎

Taking a lift from the pages of the experts' researches, they listed these common factors to influence SELF-WORTH:

• THOUGHTS and FEELINGS
• CAREER and PROFESSION
• CORE BELIEFS and VALUES
• HEALTH and PHYSICAL FITNESS
• EMOTIONS and MENTAL WELL-BEING
• OUR RELATIONSHIPS, both past and present
• OUR EXPERIENCES & INTERACTIONS with others

Our takeaway:  In the past, I struggled gauging my SELF-WORTH.  BUT I realized I should overcome that difficulty because gauging myself did help me with no-holds-barred questions I had to answer LIKE:

• HOW MUCH do I value myself?
• HOW WOULD I describe myself to a stranger?
• WHEN I self-reflect, am I more positive OR 'NEGA'?
• DO I believe I'm worthy of others' respect, love or consideration?

Yes dude, let us NOT DEVALUE our SELF-WORTH😔😔😔

Decide, Define, Deploy, Defend

 

For the longest time, either I always heard OR invoked "DECIDE, DEFINE, DEPLOY, DEFEND' at work, so all along, this sounds more like jargon BUT I realized that this is as relevant to our personal life as it is at our work life.  WHY?  Because in life, we will always have tons and tons of DECISION-POINTS.  As we move along in our life journey, there's just NO option for us to be going back to page one of our life every day, with some of them far more complex than others📗📙📘

Frankly, our DECISIONS in those critical or complex moments matter and it may even likely trigger a ripple effect as to WHAT NEXT may happen.  Think about dominoes falling one by one.  One day, we may be choosing one strategic priority over another option BUT we might also be choosing between 2 apples or 2 oranges that are almost similar except for 1 or 2 differentiating factors.  At times, DECISION-POINTS are tough📌📌📌

LIKE you might get into the crossroads of deciding on the career you now have versus another career option.  That's WHEN you will have to cautiously weigh the UPSIDEs and DOWNSIDEs of each of the 2 career options.  Unfortunately, from my life experiences, it is very extremely rare to have a  'perfect option' because no matter how 'near perfect' one option may be, there is OR are a couple of downsides WHICH you need to weigh on, so you can arrive at an INFORMED DECISION😄😄😄

Sometimes, the choice we have on our hands is so crystal clear, it becomes a no-brainer BUT at times, that fork in the road stumps us and we become consumed with the weight of the DECISION.  I personally have experienced ordeals like this and WHILE I considered them as 'happy problems', we need to be mindful that all it takes is one wrong decision for things to turn upside down, for you to get waylaid and get off-track.  Sometimes, WHERE we were once confident in our DECISION-making, we tend to question ourselves and even our choices [despite all the tedious considerations we had to go through before reaching that DECISION POINT.  BUT we're better off compared to an INDECISION!!!

Our takeaway:  Allow me to share my simple decision matrix

• Take stock of the first option/choice you have at hand.
• Then, compare apples-to-apples your options like a X/Y axis
• On the flip side, consider which options are of low-impact as they might provide you an 'easy path' towards a DECISION
• Then, map both long and short-term risks associated with your high and low impact DECISION POINTS 
• Finally, step back & take a final look before it's crunch time

Easier said than done BUT to DECIDE, DEFINE, DEPLOY and DEFEND runs in parallel to our DECISION-MAKING!!!

Does Effort Help Us More?

 

IF we look back at our everyday life and rate the efforts we exert everyday on a scale from 1 to 10 and HOW much will we give of it every single day, WHAT would be your score?  IF you AREN'T WHERE you want to be OR seeing the results that you want to see, then chances are a lack of effort over long periods of time may be the reason WHY.  True, EFFORT ISN'T the only thing we need in order for us to need to be successful and get to WHERE we want to go BUT it sure is an absolute must and something that lacks in a whole lot of people WHO desire massive amounts of success📗📙📘

And IF we followed around 10 people WHO were highly dissatisfied with their station in life, I can bet their effort WOULDN'T even come close to someone WHO is doing the exact same thing they are doing except on a much higher and wider level.  And me things the missing link here is that EFFORT.  The fact of the matter is this, anything and everything that we want to achieve in life has always an equivalent price tag on it.  We got to give up something in order to get something in return💥💥💥

And those rewards and fulfillment that comes alongside that true and genuine success are well worth the effort and fight every day.  And as each day passes, we pay our lives for that day.  And as each month passes we tend to pay our lives for that month.   And as each year passes, we pay our lives for that year.  We DON'T get those days, months and years back and the only thing we have to show for it comes down to WHAT kind of effort we gave and exerted throughout those days, months and years along the way📌📌📌

One key lesson I learned [the hard way though] is that an often overlooked BUT major key to SUCCESS is to give an incredible and ridiculous amount of effort, the one thing that each and every one of us controls on a daily basis over long period of time.  And that's WHERE the confusion enters in for most.  Those WHO complain about their lot in life and HOW unlucky they have been are the same ones WHO only give maximum effort WHEN they feel like it OR WHEN the timing seems to be right for them.  True, we all have different seasons in our life, no doubt about it.  There will be times WHEN great things will happen and there will be times WHEN bad things will happen as well❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  With so many success stories around, I think many people do look upon them, so awed HOW they reached the pinnacle of their successes.  WHAT they DON'T know is the sacrifice, work, and most importantly, those insane amount of effort that was required for 20-plus years.  WHAT really keeps many of us back is simply that UNWILLINGNESS TO PAY THE PRICE, to make that exertion.  So, DOES EFFORT [really] HELP US MORE???

When We're Always Wanting More

 

How often have we ever wanted something so badly that it somehow permeates every second of our waking hours?  Just like a melody you CAN'T get out of your head, that WANTING loops endlessly in our mind and its beat mimics that of your own heart.  And looking back, wanting of this kind is usually strongest for those things that are partially OR completely outside of our control📗📙📘

Perhaps [OR should I say surely] we are driven to desire more deeply the things we CAN'T automatically have as some form of psychological compensation for WHAT we CAN'T bring about with action alone.  And to make up for WHAT we lack in power over the circumstances in question, we tend to want it and really want it so badly, even having us bundled up mentally, emotionally and sometimes physically.  Perhaps we are at times driven to desire more deeply the things we WHICH we just CAN'T automatically have as some form of psychological compensation for WHAT we CAN'T bring about with action alone.  And I can attest to the fact that our WANTING MORE can be like so immense with no end in sight as it can span across finding love, having a baby, improving our health, finding our dream job, improving our financials, so on and so on!!!

BUT psychologists tell us that that WANTING does color our present moment.  It's kind of like a hologram dancing in front of you, a 'WHAT-MIGHT-BE' version of the future preventing you from living fully in the 'HERE' and 'NOW'.  As per researches, it somehow, it seduces us with that spectral light diffracting our attention away from WHAT is to WHAT could be.  At this point, I believe that we should qualify that we're NOT implying that WANTING something we DON'T currently have is wrong is simply pointless or even unhelpful.  BUT not at all.  Because WANTING is a perfectly natural response to being connected to our own values and committed to creating meaning in our life.  Committed to pursuing those things that make your heart beat faster and even harder.  The feelings and sensations of WANTING are information.  And this information confirms that the source OR outcome attached to the wanting rates on our scale of WHAT really matters in life💚💛💜

In the simplest terms, IF we plan on living fully, richly and vibrantly, I can bet that WANTING will show up as part of our emotional repertoire.  It's our human desire to be living fully, richly, and vibrantly, then we can bet that WANTING will show up as part of our emotional shield.  And it's just human to desire.  It's okay to want [UNTIL it gets in the way].  And WHEN our WANTING becomes the 'CALL ME MAYBE' of our thought processes, WHEN it takes over and you CAN'T hear anything else, we can find ourself kind of 'entrapped'.  So, WHAT do we exactly do if WANTING is constantly playing in the background?  HOW do we stop it from paralyzing us WHILE still acknowledging our deepest desires?  Keep in mind that the answers may be different for us BUT my thoughts are, TAKE THEM WHERE THEY FIT [given our experiences]📌📌📌

Our takeaway:  True, we DON'T want to start the war with something that is inherently human.  Instead, acknowledging our desire for WHAT IT IS, is the way to go.  Even the experts tell us DON'T RESIST THE WANTING BUT on the other hand, DON'T indulge it so much that you inadvertently delay your own happiness simply because we CAN'T possibly be happy until we get WHAT we want, right?  Zillion examples are out there and smoking is just one of them.  WHEN WE'RE ALWAYS WANTING MORE😋😋😋

Are You Into 'PEOPLE-PLEASING'?

 

Are you into PEOPLE-PLEASING?  For alignment, WHAT exactly is a PEOPLE-PLEASER?  By definition, that's typically someone everyone considers helpful and kind [and supposedly, there's NOTHING wrong with that].  WHEN we need help [WHETHER at work OR in any undertaking], the PEOPLE-PLEASER will always be more than willing to step up, even if it means he/she has to 'move mountains'.  Just IF ever you see yourself somehow in the above-mentioned definitions, you may be a PEOPLE-PLEASER.  BUT at some point, constantly making yourself available to others can take a huge toll on you, NOT just emotionally BUT even physically if that means your physical presence [even remotely]📗📙📘

The mother of all worst implications and ramifications, you may even find yourself to be neglecting your very own needs because you simply fear disappointing others WHEN they ask for your help.  I guess WHAT's interesting here are the tell-tale signs that someone is indeed a PEOPLE-PLEASER.  True, it's one thing to want to help others because it's part of your nature.  BUT PEOPLE-PLEASERs often end up being taken advantage of by others.  This is a FACT no less📌📌📌

SO HOW?  HOW can we nip things in the bud? 

• CHANGING personality like a chameleon
• YOUR WORTH on how others would see you
• NOT being able to say NO - even if you want to
• APOLOGIZING even WHEN you're NOT at fault
• AGREEING to get their admiration and NOT because you believe on it

To be frank, NOT all PEOPLE-PLEASERS are motivated to be as such due to their ulterior motives.  Some eventually would eventually develop that PEOPLE-PLEASER habit because of circumstances, like any of the following:

• In some cultures, being the youngest or one of the youngest amongst the siblings, they are expected to be acquiescing until it becomes PEOPLE-PLEASING
• In some circumstances, someone is staying in a home NOT by his/her immediate family.  That situation then leads someone to be a PEOPLE-PLEASER
• PEOPLE-PLEASING out of reciprocity [e.g. favor]

Our takeaway:  Generally, being a PEOPLE-PLEASER never happens overnight.  Instead, it is molded and developed, sometimes unconsciously, sometimes NOT premeditated.  SO HOW?  It is imperative that we 'police' our own, being mindful WHEN tell-tale signs show that we are succumbing to that PEOPLE-PLEASER syndrome because that's the last thing we want for you to be, dude😌😌😌

Breakthroughs Are The Best Things In Life

 

BREAKTHROUGHs are the best things to happen in our life.  BUT WHAT makes BREAKTHROUGHS like an enigma, so elusive to have in life.  Several times in the past, I did bear witness to people WHO placed all their marbles on that very optimistic hope that a BREAKTHROUGH will happen soon, IF NOT next day.  BUT alas, I was flabbergasted because I CAN'T fathom HOW can they anticipate such a BREAKTHROUGH to be happening📗📙📘

So, do you want your life to be better come next month, OR next semester OR even come next year?  And then for it to get even better the next year?  Funny BUT NOT so funny WHEN a new year is turning up around the corner and everyone is busy with their new year's resolutions, setting goals and even 'dreaming' to be changing habits.  BUT for many of us, there is a better way we can improve our life💚💛💜

WHAT better way we can take so that it can take less effort alongside a higher upside for a leap-ahead progress.  It's actually fun and it can add a sense of adventure to our day-to-day life.  True, there's nothing wrong with resolutions, goals OR habits  BUT those approaches are at best incomplete and that contributes to them often being ineffective.  In fact, sometimes they are limiting by keeping us so focused on the details that we miss the big picture of HOW life really works📌📌📌

YET, we can't be blamed for hungering for those BREAKTHROUGHS, that dramatic discovery OR development that changes our life significantly for the better.  Sometimes they come upon us unexpectedly BUT we can find them more readily if we choose to look for them.  Too often in our heads-down pursuit of self-help and do-it-yourself improvement, we tend to lose sight of the sense that life is meant to be an adventure.  We can reclaim that sense of wonder by searching for 'epiphanies' as well as miracles❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  YES, we all yearn for something more, something better.  BUT if we pause to think about it, we may notice that there are things we deeply desire OR dream about and we may NOT know HOW to go about finding them.  OR, worse, we can choose to disregard that desire and then get by with the angst of that yearning, and cover it up with that "busy-ness'.  YES, been there, done that.  I had my share of faux pas in the past WHEN that expected BREAKTHROUGH didn't materialize, I [wrongly] thought I can just move on and redirect my focus on something else.  The worse mistake I committed then was that, instead of focusing and fixing my 'big miss', I entirely avoided it and started to focus on new goals only to realize that skipping and avoiding that 'big miss' only exacerbated my situation.  YES, BREAKTHROUGHS ARE THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE [BUT we got to double-triple our efforts to increase our chances of achieving it]😃😃😃

Those Writings On The Wall

In human relationships, I always believe that the medium that facilitates everything is that WALL where communications and interactions would bounce from one direction to another.  Even amongst the closest friends ever, there is always that WALL that is omnipresent, enough for either parties be given a heads-up of a developing thread.  WHETHER we talk about couples, boss and subordinate, mentor and mentee, buyer and seller, landlord and tenant, employer and employee, at some point, either OR both parties need to be cognizant enough of Those Writings On The Wall.   As NOT all words are spoken out, this is WHEN THOSE WRITINGS ON THE WALL would matter most📗📙📘

One popular retort I would receive was this:  WHAT IF no one cares about THOSE WRITINGS ON THE WALL?  Good question.  Good grief though.  Because if that is the case, all parties will be IN for surprises along the way.  WHAT's risk is that NOT all surprises are akin to good tidings.  In fact, I believe a plurality of THOSE WRITINGS ON THE WALL are tell-tale signs enough to give us a heads-up💥💥💥

I remember someone WHO I knew up close.  He had a knack to initiate startup businesses.  From the time he ignites his engines, all of his car's cylinders are ON FIRE.  So far so good.  UNTIL days came WHEN his business' sales turnover was 'going south' even in the coming weeks.  YET, he turned a blind eye to those WRITINGS ON THE WALL.  Instead, he ramped up his recruitment with new staff getting onboarded.  BUT the bigger question was:  Can he handle his payroll yet???

UNTIL one day, he had to close shop because his startup business was 'bleeding', so to speak.  WHEN things happened that quick in one fell swoop, I asked myself:  Did he see OR read THOSE WRITINGS ON THE WALL?  That was despicable to say the least because I saw all the sacrifices and efforts he exerted for his startup business to launch smoothly BUT WHEN he slowly delegated tasks to someone NOT capable and competent enough to handle such responsibilities, I thought he DIDN'T READ THOSE WRITINGS ON THE WALL❗❗❗

Our takeaway:  NEVER MISS THOSE WRITINGS ON THE WALL because missing it means like pushing you from the tip of the cliff over to the cliff, plunging hundreds of feet deep.  Had you become aware of those WRITINGS ON THE WALL, maybe you could have taken a concrete approach to face the real score.  YES dude, THOSE WRITINGS ON THE WALL matter most😊😊😊

No One Wants To Disappear Into The Abyss

WHO wants to DISAPPEAR INTO THE ABYSS?  NO one wants that to happen, right?  BUT much as very few will admit at all, how often do we become aware of people we know WHO, deep inside, seems wanting to DISAPPEAR INTO THE ABYSS?  Common triggers?  Some of us seem to live a life with a lack of purpose and meaning.  True, a life of mediocritycan feel meaningless, like just going through the motions without a deeper purpose OR satisfying goals.  OR at times, even as we are all nursing for growth and progress in life, things get stunted OR stalled.  LIKE we fail to develop our full potentials, leading to a life that remains static📗📙📘

And sometimes, FEAR itself creeps through our life.  And while mediocrity is often rooted in fear, WHEN things skid down south, the FEARs of failure and rejection would, in the end, seem to prevent us from taking risks OR exploring new opportunities.  Too bad though, WHEN mediocrity becomes a telling factor in our life, it behooves that we dig up for the probable root cause and sometimes, it boils down to those 'shallow' relationships as it draws us off track!!!

More often though, from my own reflections through my life journey, I do bear witness to comfort and complacency that tend to portend bleak outcomes WHEN people would prefer to remain in that 'lukewarm' state WHERE they feel that they DON'T need to change OR strive for something more.  Regrettable indeed BUT for zillion times, I've been sharing with my close friends that WHAT is very 'key' for one to be on the right track to achieve his goals would heavily hinge on his 'TAKEOFF' in life.  Regardless of one's societal standing, once you position yourself at the runway for your takeoff [in life], your 'TAKEOFF' will tell us how high OR how high far will your cruising altitude will be💥💥💥

Long story short, if we DON'T want to DISAPPEAR INTO THE ABYSS, can we flip things and look at this from a positive perspective?  LIKE WHAT?  LIKE embracing growth because a life of purpose involves striving for personal growth, learning and developing one's full capabilities.  LIKE taking action because escaping mediocrity requires us to take those calculated risks and exerting efforts to seek out opportunities for our growth and progress.  LIKE finding meaning to focus on ideas that will lead us to deeper connections with more meaningful existence💚💛💜

Our takeaway:  Despite the stretch of roads we need to traverse, for us NOT to DISAPPEAR INTO THE ABYSS, first things first, let's embed deep within us that that you will never end up DISAPPEARING INTO THE ABYSS.  With that focused mindset, trust me, you will be strong enough to weather the storms to overcome those humps and roadblocks as long as you remain steadfast NOT TO DISAPPEAR INTO THE ABYSS😡😡😡

Wiggling Out Of Toxic Environments

 

If there is one commonality we all share across, it's the obvious fact that we all exist and live in our respective ENVIRONMENT.  We may NOT co-exist BUT each of us needs to live and even survive whichever ENVIRONMENT we have.  BUT WHAT is expected from us is our sharp awareness of the ENVIRONMENT we have.  I've seen many people really working hard and NEVER complaining.  And that was GREAT.  BUT it is actually something most people lack sometimes BUT it is NOT the reason for WHATEVER discomfort we would also endure along the way.  At times, we feel that discomfort because we DIDN'T get any recognition from other people, even for just a bit📗📙📘

True, many of us are NOT seeking validation BUT it's just that they know WHAT you do BUT DON'T want to acknowledge it.  As we would try to bring about WHAT we did, WHAT is important in working, BUT we would sometimes find our own self becoming that somewhat arrogant person in the room for the work you have done.  BUT alas, I feel blessed because I was in this ENVIRONMENT only once many years back📌📌📌

IF and WHEN we do realize that we are in that TOXIC ENVIRONMENT, WHAT'S next?  The experts would be quick to counsel us to LET GO OF WHAT YOU CAN'T CONTROL.  And I CAN'T agree less with this.  WHEN attempting to survive a TOXIC ENVIRONMENT, it becomes critical to remember that there are things outside our periphery and sphere of influence.  And WHILE we typically CAN'T control the culture itself, we can control HOW we respond to the situation💥💥💥

If there's one harsh lesson I learnt while going through the gauntlet in a TOXIC ENVIRONMENT, it's that everything becomes draining.  And belatedly then, I realized that it is imperative to develop and enforce boundaries between parties, even with the closest of your close coterie of friends.  A real-life example is WHEN one starts to bad-mouth someone else, WHAT you can do is CHANGE THE SUBJECT.  That way, you can avoid getting sucked into that looming negativity❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  Looking back WHEN I was trapped in that foxhole of a TOXIC ENVIRONMENT, I thought I had to come up with an action plan, WHICH I did.  And I realized that WHEN I was 'into an action', I hardly felt being worried OR helpless as I was in the middle of all the action.  On the tail-end, I realized my career DOESN'T define me because if we become so enmeshed, that locks us in in a TOXIC ENVIRONMENT we need to extricate ourselves😕😕😕

When Life Gets Harder

 

NOT to be a pessimist BUT life has been laid out for us in such a way that it's NEVER a WALK IN THE PARK, that is a guarantee.  By itself, LIFE IS HARD.  In fact, NOTHING about life is easy.  As a student, it's NEVER easy to get good grades in school [ooooooops, just yesterday, I stumbled across a social media post of a student committing suicide after her father harangued and spewed her with the harshest possible words] all because she missed out garnering academic honors [IF only the parent was NOT that circumspect]📗📙📘

I heard of spine-tingling stories of someone going through a grueling surgery and did struggle to recuperate.  BUT my friend did confide that it was also a struggle to lay at home despite wanting to go out.  Early in my career life, I admit that there were times I found it difficult to plot out things, struggling even on a day to day basis, battling with decisions, thoughts and feelings that come to mind💡💡💡

And quite surprisingly, there were many days I struggled just trying to get out of bed.  And I recall those times WHEN it was equally difficult for me to heal from a disconnect OR an argument.  And YESSSSS, surprisingly, for the NOT so obvious reasons, I found it difficult even WHEN I was awash with $$$$$$.  And to make things more confusing, I did struggle to make new friends BUT more confusingly, it was more difficult to maintain them once you have them.  WHILE it's difficult to make a load of $$$$$$, it was another kind of ballgame to keep it💥💥💥

YES YES yowww, difficulty, struggles and hardship are all woven into life.  You and me CAN'T just easily escape OR even wiggle out of it.  WHAT's difficult and easy are two sides of the same coin, BTW.  You CAN'T have one and NOT the other.  One thing that makes things easier OR more convenient also makes other things more difficult.  Even in the most normal situation, it's one thing is made easier, another is made so difficult❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  The numerous paradoxes in life will always lead us to conclude that it is equally as difficult NOT to be happy and suffer in your pity as it is to do something about it.  And it's equally as difficult to remain in pain as it is to go through the healing process.  And it's equally as difficult to become rich as it is to remain poor.  And it's equally difficult to conquer one's fears as it is to let them conquer you.  YES, both difficulties and challenges AREN'T exclusive to the things that happen once OR infrequently.  In fact and in truth, everyday can be just as challenging as the one-offs😌😌😌