FEELING Grateful Versus BEING Grateful

FEELING Grateful Versus BEING Grateful

Our thread today is related NEITHER to grammar NOR semantics.  BUT it is vital that we make a distinction between FEELING Grateful Versus BEING Grateful.  True, we DON'T have total control over our emotions.  We CANNOT easily will ourselves to feel GRATEFUL, be less depressed OR be happy.  Our feelings follow from the way we look at the world, thoughts we have about the way things are, the way things should be and that distance between these two points📌📌📌

BUT being GRATEFUL is a choice, a prevailing attitude that endures and is relatively immune to the gains and losses that flow in and out of our lives.  When disaster strikes, GRATITUDE provides a perspective from which we can view life in its entirety and NOT be overwhelmed by temporary circumstances.  Yes, I would admit that this perspective is hard to achieve BUT it's worth our effort💎💎💎

In fact. the trials and tribulations we endure in life can actually refine and deepen GRATEFULNESS if we allow them to show us NOT to take things for granted.  In the United States, they have a 'THANKSGIVING' holiday that, according to Ameircan historians, was born and grew out of HARD TIMES.  Now, here's more of the stark realities in our life.  When times are good, people take prosperity for granted and begin to believe that they seem invulnerable.  In times of uncertainty, though, people realize how powerless they are to control their own destiny.  Let's look back at that pandemic❎❎❎

If we begin to see that everything we have, everything we have counted on, may be taken away from us anytime, it becomes much harder to take it for granted.  So, indeed, a crisis can make us more GRATEFUL and expert studies show that GRATITUDE also helps us cope with crisis.  Consciously cultivating an attitude of GRATITUDE builds up a sort of immune system enough to cushion us when we fall✅✅✅

Studies show that GRATEFUL people are more resilient to stress, whether its minor daily hassles or major personal upheavals.  The study in contrast between SUFFERING and REDEMPTION serves as the basis for us to to practice GRATITUDE.  Remember your worst 'DOWN MOMENTS' then look where you are now, that should push you to be both FEELING GRATEFUL and BEING GRATEFUL all rolled into one❗❗❗

When QUID PRO QUO Does Not Happen

When QUID PRO QUO Does Not Happen    

The Latin phrase QUID PRO QUO has been part of our daily lives since time immemorial.  Such that, while it has become a default norm [and even way of life], some stretch it out, exploiting it to unimaginable proportions.  And that's our thread today, When QUID PRO QUO Does Not Happen💊💊💊

When does QUID PRO QUO not happen but instead other types of harassment come in?  While QUID PRO QUO harassment is a type of workplace harassment that involves an unwelcome sexual advance or request for sexual favors in exchange for 'employment-related benefits', what sets it apart from other types of harassment such as hostile work environment, is the clear and direct link between the harasser's behavior and the victim's employment status💎💎💎

While in QUID PRO QUO cases there is often power dynamic at play where the person making the overture [commonly known as 'advances'] holds some form of authority over the victim.  This can be a supervisor, manager or even someone higher up in the corporate hierarchy.  The harasser may use his authority to pressure their victim into engaging in unwanted sexual acts or behaviors📌📌📌

Another key aspect of QUID PRO QUO harassment is that it must involve something tangible being offered or withheld based on whether or NOT the victim complies with the harasser's demands.  This could include anything from promotions, raises, favorable assignments or shifts to threats regarding demotion or worst, even termination✅✅✅

It is important to note that even witnessing ongoing harassment can contribute to create a hostile work environment for some.  If you feel like being subjected to any form of harassment or hostility within the workplace and find it hard to cope with such situations, then SPEAK UP.  You have the natural and legal rights [under your country's laws] that protects you, so take action if you experience discriminatory behaviors because that's an instance when QUID PRO QUO does NOT happen❗❗❗

To Poke Lots Of Holes Is To Challenge Yourself

To Poke Lots Of Holes Is To Challenge Yourself

Who buys this very debatable statement?  To Poke Lots Of Holes Is To Challenge Yourself.  Let me walk years back in my life.  During my school days in the university, my most awaited day is the first day of classes when we'll submit our 'class card' to our academic professor/instructor for the first time and within that first day, I had a small notebook where I will scribble down the name of my academic subject and my targeted FINAL RATING📌📌📌

Fast forward, when I was then part of the job market, when I searched jobs, I would tend to scrutinize opportunities like going through the eye of a needle.  I did this on the basis that an employment is a two-way relationship wherein it's NOT just me needing the job [I want] but expectedly, the prospective employer must be rigorous enough to need and want me as well💊💊💊

And whilst they say we should NOT be over-sensitive with criticism [about YOU], your BEST CRITIC should be, GUESS WHO, yessssirr you are your BEST CRITIC and NO one else can be a better CRITIC than yourself.  BUT here's the caveat.  DON'T be so soft to yourself.  On the other hand, you got to be damn hard to yourself because you can be most effective in flipping your own thought process as you go through with the challenges in life.  Try being soft to yourself and you loose✅✅✅

Everything now boils down to our mental toughness.  HOW resilient are you?  Some people seem to quickly bounce back from personal failures and setbacks whilst others find it much more difficult.  WHEN life knocks you down, are you quick to pick yourself up and adapt to the circumstances at hand?  OR do you find yourself completely overwhelmed with little confidence in your ability to deal with challenges?  Think about it, not bad TO POKE LOTS of HOLES because that is the best way to challenge yourself❗❗❗

At the end of the day, it is ONLY yourself who can either MAKE or BREAK your own self.  As our resilience is often tested when life circumstances change unexpectedly and for the worse [such as death of a loved one, the loss of a job or the fatal end of a relationship], we got to realize that such challenges present that singular opportunity for you to rise above and come back even stronger than you were before.  And never cease to constantly POKE LOTS of HOLES because that will dictate as to how far you can go on in life💎💎💎

Hanging On When You're 'ON THE EDGE'

Hanging On When You're 'ON THE EDGE'

Before I get harangued with today's thread, allow me to be clear.  There's simply NOTHING wrong for us to be ON THE EDGE. No one, NOT even Elon Musk is immune OR exempt from being ON THE EDGE. I myself, I've BEEN THERE, DONE THAT [many times [and I thought I WON'T survive]].  At the veru least, though, we must be aware enough if ever we're  'ON THE EDGE'💎💎💎

The least we can do now is to increase awareness as to when we're ON THE EDGE.  Some low-hanging tell-tale signs which may help us pre-empt things:

• WHEN you see, to keep worrying
• WHEN your self-criticism is peaking
• WHEN you seem constantly drained, exhausted
• WHEN you're working non-stop, with no breaks
• WHEN you're eating gets distracted, irregular
• WHEN you're becoming more cynical, negative

Digging up for the more common root cause of these manifestations, many studies have traced this to situations of getting overworked and/or constantly stressed out.  The unfortunate common end-result of these ON THE EDGE circumstances initially lead to INEFFICACY, which means, experiencing diminished personal accomplishment, a perceived decline in competence or productivity, and expending energy at work without seeing any results📌📌📌

That's NOT the end of our 'horror' story, though.  Much as we DON'T want it to happen, physical illness may creep in.  Initially, the physical symptoms can surface in a subtle manner.  You may experience headaches, a recurring, persistent cold, a stomach bug or an upset stomach or even a weak immune system in general.  Then, if we tend to ignore these early signs, your body may HIT A WALL and later end up with a more serious diagnosis.  Lesson here is we should NEVER look the other way around and ignore even seemingly subtle tell-tale signs in our daily life because WHEN THINGS TURN SOUTH, when things turn for the worse, you might likely end up grappling with a situation requiring twice or more of the effort to fix things✅✅✅

Our insight for today is that we should prepare ourselves way ahead even before being ON THE EDGE happens.  Tough to say this but we got to embrace it as one of the harshest realities which, by deftly handling our situation, we can, at the very least, influence the situation from turning it from the harshest one to a less harsh situation.  Softening up the situation by pushing you a bit OFF THE CLIFF when you're ON THE EDGE may mean a world of difference between a situation bordering between failure versus survival.  That's being ON THE EDGE❗❗❗

It is NOT Enough To Be CLEAN

It is NOT Enough To Be CLEAN

Oooops, please don't get mixed up.  Our thread today is NEITHER about health nor hygiene but instead we'd like to zoom in the way we constantly LIVE LIFE because It is NOT Enough 'To Be CLEAN'.  To give the context for being NOT Enough 'To Be CLEAN', we refer to the persona, the character, the integrity, the personal record and credibility of a person.  But here's the caveat, 'To be CLEAN' does NOT mean being factually 'CLEAN'💎💎💎

So, the 'WILD CARD' in this equation is PERCEPTION.  A word of caution, however.  PERCEPTION is NOT reality.  Just because one thinks something is reality DOESN'T make it reality.  Unfortunately, we hear it a zillion times, within marriages, within the corporate world and even in the political arena that whenever there is a conflict, PERCEPTION IS REALITY.  Not true⏳⏳⏳

The aphorism that PERCEPTION IS REALITY is often used to justify a perception that may be objectively unjustifiable or just plain out of touch with REALITY.  It is often employed as a cudgel to beat others into accepting someone's preferred so-called REALITY.  This also seems to create a sense of relativism in circumstances that are more likely absolute📌📌📌

To put PERCEPTION and REALITY on the same page, let us take a lift from its definitions whereas PERCEPTION is the 'way of regarding, understanding or interpreting something' whereas REALITY is that 'state of things as they actually exist', an existence that is absolute, self-sufficient or objective and NOT subject to human decisions or conventions.  Clearly, PERCEPTION and REALITY have very different meanings.  The former occurs entirely in the mind in which 'mental gymnastics' can turn any belief into REALITY whereas the latter exists completely outside of the mind and CAN'T be easily manipulated✅✅✅

To clear up things, let's think of this way.  PERCEPTION acts as a 'lens' through which we view reality.  Our PERCEPTIONS influence how we focus on, process, remember, interpret, understand and act on REALITY.  Going back to being CLEAN, it is NOT sufficient to be CLEAN because you got to be perceived of being CLEAN.  Not to badmouth politicians, but BTW, what's your PERCEPTION of politicians❓❓❓

Defying Gravity

Defying Gravity

Morning folks.  Our thread today is NOT an attempt to discuss science or even get into the turf of Minecraft because either way, that's foreign to me.  Instead, we'd like to discuss Defying Gravity in our life.  This is NOT an attempt as well to get into any discussion related to astronomy but it is WHEN and HOW are we Defying Gravity when we face life's challenges💎💎💎

Indeed, Defying Gravity is quite unthinkable.  Imagine as it involves an uphill battle, requiring us to move upstream, cut against the grain, then take that narrow way as opposed to the easy way.  That is a clear definition when we are Defying Gravity.  I remember several decades back, I was just wrapping my first university year in our province when I told myself I will NOT be one to be left out rotting in the province.  I told myself I deserve more than the situation I was in, at that time, simply because I was cocksure of my potentials, albeit undiscovered yet💊💊💊

At that point in time, if someone asked me my probability to succeed when I plunge into that glitzy, alluring yet cruel capital city, I would admit that I'll peg my chances by 5% at best.  Indeed, at that point, I clearly knew that I was courting or breaching Defying Gravity.  But whether I was optimistic, I covered that shortfall of optimism with my stubborn gung-ho intestinal fortitude📌📌📌

This Defying Gravity challenge is akin to the Wizard of Oz which is essentially about a journey of discovering what you already have.  By facing their fears, the character named Dorothy and her three comrades came to find that they already had what they thought they lacked, e.g. home, brains, heart and courage.  So, essentially we are into our journey in life✅✅✅

Do, our journey in life is really about getting to know, accept and work with the person we already are.  Indeed, this is the kind of change in itself.  BUT the emphasis is on putting one step in front of the other as you follow the path that is laid out before you, paving your way to be Defying Gravity in life❗❗❗

Expectation Versus Reality

Expectation Versus Reality

Despite the seemingly predictiveness in life, bedlam and confusion continues to be sowed, all because of the disconnect with Expectation Versus Reality.  With social media playing the dual roles both as harbinger and catalyst of things, common outcomes are EXPECTATIONS being either inflated, stretched and sometimes hyped-up and in such instances, studies show that 80% of the time, the actual EXPECTATION does NOT get aligned with the actual REALITY📌📌📌

EXPECTATIONS are what we think will happen while REALITY is what actually transpires.  While we hope that these two will match up, often they DON'T.  This common disparity between EXPECTATION versus REALITY can often lead to feelings of discontentment, frustration and unhappiness.  So, we should be focused how to fix and mitigate the risk of EXPECTATIONS that can lead to feelings of disappointment when REALITY does NOT measure up💎💎💎

So, how can we handle EXPECTATIONS, those beliefs that will hold about the outcomes of events.  And while these EXPECTATIONS can play an important role in determining what happens and may contribute to goal-directed behavior, they can also lead to disappointment when REALITY does NOT match up to WHAT we had hoped to happen💊💊💊

Now let's pause for a while and identify the tell-tale signs that we are having EXPECTATIONS.  WHEN you anticipate a certain outcome.  WHEN you hold a vision in your mind of how things will play out.  WHEN having a set idea of what you want or need from a situation.  Problem is, sometimes, we end up so attached to our EXPECTATIONS that we are unable to to see the reality of our situation up front✅✅✅

To quote William Shakespeare, the famous English playwright, 'EXPECTATION IS THE ROOT OF ALL HEARTACHE'.  Where Shakespeare is coming from, it's because many EXPECTATIONS are NOT realistic enough to cause undue stress when EXPECTATIONS do NOT match with REALITY.  To recap, our EXPECTATIONS in life may be unrealistic and skewed based on what we think others have.  We need to realize the gap between EXPECTATION and REALITY because our perspective of others is limited and biased❗❗❗

When The Luster Is Lost [With BURNOUT]

When The Luster Is Lost [With BURNOUT]

Way back my very first job with the Multinational SHELL Group, my Dutch boss admitted not extending his term [which was his option] in his cross-posting assignment at that time due to 'BURNOUT', that term introduced by Dr Herbert Freudenberger.  As defined, BURNOUT equates to exhaustion, detachment, paranoia and sometimes depression.  That's When The Luster Is Lost [which often happens unnoticed]📌📌📌

The results of Dr Freudenberger's studies proved that while most of his premium clients had once pursued life with vigor, excitement and optimism, over time, their passion had been DULLED, in some cases, killed by what he called a 'DEMON BORN OF THE SOCIETY AND TIMES WE LIVE IN'.  The results showed that his clients manifested disengagement, disenchantment and being uninvolved even when surrounded by family and friends.  They began to view their jobs as draining and unrewarding💊💊💊

For many, life seemed to have LOST ITS MEANING.  Sounds familar?  It should.  Sadly, the world we live in today is that similar.  That recent pandemic, financial woes, health issues, endless stress, all these are taking its heavy toll on the minds and bodies of our best and brightest💎💎💎

So, where do we start?  Let's develop an ability to pre-empt and detect how BURNOUT stems out from nowhere.  Apparently, BURNOUT is a chronic condition, something a person has been working toward over a period of weeks, months or years.  Now, the burning question, who will most likely fall prey to BURNOUT?  Sadly, studies show that the most prone are, IRONICALLY, decent individuals who have striven hard to reach a goal✅✅✅

Lifting from the studies, the most common symptoms to BURNOUT include exhaustion , detachment and boredom that is bordering on cynicism.  Topping the list includes impatience, heightened irritability, a sense of OMNIPOTENCE, and that constant suspicion of being unappreciated.  So what's our FIXes?  First off, be sharp enough to detect that you seem to be in that direction of BURNOUT.  Next off, be Xtra of all possible manifestations.  And at the core of things. reassess your situation and craft an ACTION PLAN, even if that may end up to be a drastic one [as long as it fixes your BURNOUT]❗❗❗

Problems Can Be 'HAPPY PROBLEMS'

Problems Can Be 'HAPPY PROBLEMS'

C'mon, let us NOT shun off PROBLEMS because Problems Can Be 'HAPPY PROBLEMS', so WHY shun it off?  Frankly, i have had my fair share of problems in my life but I'll swear that approximately half of all my problems in life were HAPPY ones.  To say that we're living through challenging times sounds both a cliche and an understatement.  BUT when we look back at our lives, it is usually the most difficult challenges that gave us a new perspective or even grow the most💎💎💎

Of course, in the midst of a crisis, we really DON'T feel that way.  But we are always taught with coping mechanisms during those difficult times, enough to turn around problems to become HAPPY ones.  Besides our common sense approach, psychologists are pitching for POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY, which is all about opening to what is happening, cultivating and even savoring the GOOD in our life.  If we develop that habit of COUNTING OUR BLESSINGS, we may be better able to appreciate the POSITIVE ASPECTS of life that remain even after a painful event like a job loss or an untimely death📌📌📌

So, how exactly can problems become HAPPY ones?  First off, psychologists recommend that practice of PURPOSELY FOCUSING your attention to the present moment and accepting it WITHOUT any judgment.  In practical terms, we are advised to SHARE SOME KINDNESS because research shows that people who volunteer their time tend to be happier than those who DON'T💊💊💊

Two decades back, while I had to manage and contain my own challenges in life, I volunteered as a Probation Officer with the Singapore Ministry of Culture and Development.  And It was during that phase when I realized my appreciation of having seen myself concretely helping someone else to be extricated from his plight.  The results DIDN'T happen overnight but by the time my Probatee completed the program, no less than his parents admitted to me that he has changed❗❗❗

In the midst of our problems, we will be akin to someone who does NOT know the basics of swimming but has been thrown out in the ocean.  While survival is key, if you have embedded in yourself that sense of gratefulness that you're alive and given the chance to survive, that puts you one foot in. And when you spin around to gain momentum, that's when PROBLEMS CAN BE HAPPY PROBLEMS✅✅✅

Time For HOPE, Time For ACCEPTANCE

Time For HOPE, Time For ACCEPTANCE

HOPE and ACCEPTANCE are NO Siamese Twins.  In fact, they are poles apart BUT they are intertwined in life for what it is. Time For HOPE, Time For ACCEPTANCE is like the harbinger of truth such that they are two paths that follow a LOSS.  BUT both paths can help us continue to live and grow.  Just like a 'FINDER' in life, when I lost something, I WON'T leave a single stone unturned as I would exhaust all possible options before I get to conclude that I've done everything I can and that's how far I can go.  So, the biggest question is, deciding between HOPE and ACCEPTANCE.  So, when do we ACCEPT  and when do we HOPE?  If we never HOPE, we lose the opportunity to change ourselves and the world💎💎💎

This reminds me of the rock solid, strong advocates of specific advocacies, civil rights, climate protection, name it, we could come across the strongest advocates in life and what's their commonality?  They all KEEP HOPING rather than ACCEPTING things.  BUT hey, ACCEPTING can get us stuck in the past.  So, HOW do we decide when to ACCEPT and when to HOPE?  Now, the very first ground rule is to HOPE REALISTICALLY.  This is non-negotiable⏳⏳⏳

BTW, let me explain what triggered me to have this as our thread today.  I got this thought when I was watching the NETFLIX movie 'STILLWATER' of Matt Damon.  The whole movie traversed the themes of HOPE and ACCEPTANCE, with unexpected twists leading the characters to transition from HOPE to ACCEPTANCE📌📌📌

With regard HOPE, how much time does it take?  Sometimes, we can keep HOPE alive in a corner of our minds while moving on with life.  When I lost some important facets in my life in the past, I did NOT turn my life upside down.  Rather, I continued to LIVE LIFE and do glance for those streaks of HOPE✅✅✅

In summary, HOPE and ACCEPTANCE are both natural responses once we lost something in life.  Sometimes, we need to embrace one, sometimes the other, sometimes, we got to embrace both.  Although there is no confirmed recipe, if we are honest about the loss and our feelings, we can take the path that will help us to continue to live and grow.  And sometimes, when we least expect it, we'll find what we've lost❗❗❗