You Can't Squeeze Blood from Stone

 You Can't Squeeze Blood from Stone

We've been in numerous points in our life when and where we wanted things to turn out more than what is/was realistic.  We yearned for outcomes that were way beyond feasible.  We wanted results that seem to go way beyond the roof.  We wanted finances that were beyond our reach.  We wanted the most ideal relationships which we didn't deserve, after all.  We wanted a burgeoning business even if the amount of effort we did put in at wor/in business was much less than what it can result in business.  In brief, we seemed to SQUEEZE BLOOD FROM STONE, a wish that is unthinkable if in the first place, everything was UNREALISTIC.

But hey, even Frankenstein can hardly SQUEEZE BLOOD FROM STONE.  So, what do we do next ?  FIX THE PROBLEM, NOT THE BLAME.  Replace blame with the benefits of the doubt.  Do you recall being blamed ?  Likely, right ?  What's the fix ?  Try mindful reflection.  Remember, most things we fret over in life are either an illusion or insignificant.  If you deem it important, then there are effective ways to communicate without bashing each other.

When there are gaps or issues in our relationships, one of the most common causes or triggers is P-R-I-D-E. While generally PRIDE connotes something on the positive, it's not always that way though.  It can also mean conceit, arrogance or that feeling of superiority.  This kind of pride is based on SELF-CENTEREDNESS and it's agreed this is destructive.  Selfish pride is especially destructive to relationships because the opposite of loving others is not hating them but instead being self-centered. 

The point here is that each person's pride is in competition with everyone else's pride.  It is because someone may wanted to be that 'noise' in a party.  Thing is, PRIDE is COMPETITIVE in nature.  Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man.  We say that people are proud of being cleverer or richer or better looking than others.  Imagine this, if everyone else became equally rich, good looking or cleverer, there would be nothing to be proud about.  It is the COMPARISON that makes you proud, that pleasure of BEING ABOVE THE REST.
 

So how do we solve this riddle about PRIDE? #1-RECOGNIZE & ADMIT YOUR PRIDE.  You will never get to solve a problem that you either don't know or don't accept that exists.  #2-EXPRESS YOUR GRATITUDE.  There is something about saying 'THANK YOU' that makes our eyes off of ourselves and puts them back on the BLESSINGS we've received and the people who've blessed us.  #3-TRY PRACTISING SERVANTHOOD.  Serving others requires us to focus on their needs rather than our own and this reminds us of how we are part of something bigger than ourselves.  #5-Lastly, do LAUGH AT YOURSELF. There's this old saying "BLESSED ARE THEY THAT LAUGH AT THEMSELVES FOR THEY SHALL NEVER CEASE TO BE ENERTAINED'✅✅✅

Not This Time to Play 'HARDBALL'

Not This Time to Play 'HARDBALL'

Who claims that anytime we can Play 'HARDBALL' ?  Me thinks, that should be an outlier rather than a default.  'Playing hardball' means we tend to become hard-nosed and inflexible to the extent of standing our ground in an obstinate and stubborn manner.  More often, though, we tend to stand on our ground NOT BECAUSE we are cocksure of our reasons but rather it happens when there's a trigger.

Before we look and turn elsewhere, let us see if there are tell-tale signs that we're that STUBBORN and OBSTINATE:  Do you keep on insisting on something EVEN IF you're aware that you're wrong ?  Do you still push to do something EVEN IF no one else wants it ?  When others present an idea, are you so vocal to rattle off all the reasons why IT WON'T WORK? 

Do you feel frustrated or worse, angry, when others will persuade you on something you don't agree ?  And worst of all, do you tend to agree or commit halfheartedly to others' requests when you know all along that you are going to do something entirely different ? The thing is, STUBBORNESS is the ugly side of perseverance.  

Those who exhibit this attribute cling to the notion that they're passionate, decisive and full of conviction and able to stand your ground.  Being stubborn isn't always a bad thing but if you're standing your ground for the wrong reasons, are you really doing the right thing ?  So how do we make sure our holding the ground doesn't get into the way ?  SEEK TO UNDERSTAND.  

Simply put, try listening to the other person rather than automatically shutting down the conversation by seeking to understand the idea and rationale behind it.  BE OPEN TO POSSIBILITIES.  Overly stubborn people often believe that there is only one viable course of action and as a result, they remain solidly staunched in their positions.  ADMIT WHEN YOU'RE WRONG.  Being convinced that you're right is one thing.  Own up to your error and mistakes and hold yourself accountable for your decisions and actions. Let's DUMP our PRIDE into the thrash bin ❗❗❗

Never Hit Your Head With Your Own Bat

Never Hit Your Head With Your Own Bat

Oh yes, this is a no-brainer.  No one amongst us will ever hit our head with our own bat BUT this shouldn't be taken literally.  Instead, we're referring to numerous real life experiences when we ended up with the consequences and outcome arising from our very own mistakes.  The low hanging fruit here is that based on studies, typically, at the very least, 20% of our mistakes could have been averted and avoided.

And that is the regrettable part.  After we end up with mistakes which in the end trigger those 'self inflicted wounds', what happens next is that we will be starting to exert an enormous amount of efforts [and very likely, TIME + $$$] to initially do a 'damage control' because when a wrong decision leads to untold consequences, doing 'damage control'.  And as this Covid pandemic has created a season that leaves all of us inevitably more vulnerable.  Let's think about the presence of isolation.  The heightened use of social media triggering comparisons and the past year has somehow fertilized the very vulnerabilities that can lead to an implosion.

If most of us are akin to an 'average person', we are all having days in which we do struggle.  At times, we will face discouragement. At times, anxiety.  There will be some days when we just want to escape that 'crazy whirlwind' brought about by this long-drawn pandemic.  However, we also need to know that part of maturing and preventing a destructive collapse is learning to tolerate the discomforts and uncertainties in life.

Challenge is how can we avoid hitting ourselves with our own bat ? Hmmm, indeed, isolation, boredom. pride, despair, all these require coping skills. In fact, we need those coping skills everyday in our lives.  We, as average persons, need more coping skill right now than we would have needed prior to this pandemic.  We are in a particularly vulnerable TIME and SPACE and our prevention of self-imposed or self-inflicted wounds or worse, ruin are dependent on our coping skills that we utilize to manage our inevitable vulnerabilities.

If we are concerned about wrecking our life, and you can see present dangers, we encourage you to PAUSE.  Maybe, others have sounded a warning but we are unable to see the problem.  Hey, it won't hurt to pull over and inspect your situation rather than continuing to race ahead.  How do we then inspect our situation ?  Let's take an objective PEEK at our coping skills.  Are they helpful enough ?  Or are they even causing you to spiral ? Reassess your mental state.  Are you hurting so badly that you have lost your care regarding potential consequences ?  Are you responding impulsively ?  Consider your recent PATTERN of decisions.  Are they bordering towards disaster ?  Are you on the brink of another decision ?  Think it over cautiously✅✅✅

Weighing the Costs

Weighing the Costs

There's so much debates and argument whether everyone should go down into the nitty-gritty of weighing the COSTs versus BENEFITs before making a decision.  Some would argue why turn simple situations into complex ones ?  A cost-benefit analysis is the process of comparing the projected or estimated costs and benefits [or opportunities] associated with a decision to determine whether it makes sense from a person's perspective.

Bottom-line is, every decision that needs to be made must be an INFORMED DECISION.  Otherwise, any decision not referencing relevant information will not be an INFORMED DECISION. What happens then if we do not end up with an INFORMED DECISION ?  The likely outcomes and consequences are as follows:  The decision you made is either NOT the best decision you could have made or worse, you could have made a wrong decision.  To UNDO or not is another discussion.

If you have ever made a big personal purchase, chances are you conducted an informal cost-benefit analysis.  Whether you're committing to a personal purchase, making a decision or assessing an option, you will likely use some sort of analysis to weigh the estimated costs and benefits of your choice.  Cost-benefit analysis is a key way to determine the value of a decision. 

UNDERSTANDING the VALUE of an upcoming decision should always be a top of the totem pole.  Always remember in weighing values, there's FINANCIAL values, EMOTIONAL value, SOCIAL value, INTELLECTUAL value, you name it.  You need to consider all of them.  Whatever it takes, always WEIGHT the COSTS before you reach for a decision❗❗❗

There Are No UNCERTAINTIES, Only OUTCOMES

There Are No UNCERTAINTIES, Only OUTCOMES

Everyone does dread uncertainties.  I myself I used to be so scared when I was staring with an UNCERTAINTY right in my face.  Honestly, I used to hate those times because I felt I was blindfolded and walking into the darkest room I can ever imagine.  Being petrified and shaken was even an understatement.  What baffled me more is that 'deja vu' feeling because I always felt that in our life, to face UNCERTAINTY is the only CERTAIN thing in life, no pun intended.  But after all the bruises I had to endure with all those debacles, I began to debate with myself whether UNCERTAINTIES are indeed the norm of the day.  But at hindsight, I realized, why the hell should we be so troubled with UNCERTAINTIES ?

In the end, we seemed to be mimicking David Copperfield with all his eye-popping balancing acts but this time around, balancing our steps in the midst of our UNCERTAINTIES in life.  And here's the rub.  Somewhere in my life journey, I questioned myself why all these UNCERTAINTIES should be bother me, in the first place.  I realized what matters most are the OUTCOMES, the RESULTS, the CONCLUSION.

Indeed, if we did preoccupy ourselves with those UNCERTAINTIES, that will be a vicious cycle that will trap us, probably for the rest of our life.  But who dares to be trapped in the midst of all those UNCERTAINTIES ?  And how often have we heard reactions like NO IDEA, NOWHERE, NOT SURE, amongst others ?  I do regret, however, that I would hear those hazy and dubious expressions from people who are either LOST already in their journey or one who's on track to be LOST, whew.

In many typical days, you will be so confused with various conflicting directional symbols and that's the kind of confusion that has to be put in order.  How ?  Let's go back to basics.  OVERCOME your fears.  STOP overanalyzing. REACH OUT to your helpline for guidance.  VISUALIZE the outcomes.  Grapple with minor decisions [because that leads you towards the major ones].  Oh, don't try to be PERFECT [because you never will be] and set a BOLD and AGGRESSIVE goal no less.

When the dust does settle down, that should lead you towards the crossroads, that road crossing that will lead you to come up to grips and be decisive as to which way you wanna go.  Conclusion ?  OUTCOMES should bother us, day-in day-out.  But hey, we are in control of most OUTCOMES.  So little effort should lead to that miserable outcome, right ?  A heavy dose of overflowing efforts should lead you to that huge quantum leap that will position you well to even LEAPFROG the frontrunners.  YES YOU CAN MAKE IT⌛⌛⌛

Look Before You Leap

Look Before You Leap

We used to hear that we shouldn't think twice, that we should strike while the iron is hot, etc.  On the other hand, there has always been that old school of taught reminding us always to Look Before You Leap because for so many reasons, we shouldn't plunge down deep for the not so well-thought reasoning that we prefer to go for swift and decisive people who do cross the bridge and make decisions when it is called for.  But not unconditionally though.

One too many scenarios.  Maybe it's a matter of what you choose for breakfast. Maybe it's what you decide to speak up about to your boss.  We make so many decisions big and small on a daily basis but they can't all be taken lightly.  We can't just eat our foodies because that's what everyone else is eating or because someone who may or may not have been fully trustworthy told us that this was the best choice for our future health.  It's all about THINKING, paying ATTENTION and taking on the world in a way where the world won't drop out under your feet.

But hey, there seems to be a recent trend of people doing a lot of LISTENING and NODDING their heads but not taking a good look around for themselves.  OBVSERVATION and REFLECTION are amazing tools of the human mind.  What does your gut say about the situation ?  It may or may not be in agreement with the crowd closest to you but if it's what you believe, that's okay.  In fact, if you made your decision and took your leap after making up your own mind about all of the facts at hand, that's commendable.

Oh this poster says it all.  When you decide to leap, make sure you got a 'parachute' as an option because you don't want to fatally jump to your death.  #1-IDENTIFY the decision and simply REALIZE that indeed you need to make that decision.  #2-Gather RELEVANT INFORMATION because you need to arrive at an informed decision. #3-Find the ALTERNATIVES so you can assess your final decision.  

#4 - Gather the ALTERNATIVES and do an apples-to-apples comparison.  #5 - Then, TAKE ACTION before you review your decision and relook at its consequences.  This LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP should not be hard sell, i hope.  You can take your own sweet time before reaching your decision because in life, there is no option to UNDO your decisions❗❗❗

Where Possible, Don't Leave Crumbs

Where Possible, Don't Leave Crumbs

Crumbs shouldn't be grabbing headlines, crumbs as they may.  But unless we are meticulous enough in our discipline and behavior, even the seemingly innocuous crumbs can blow-up to be a thread worth spending time.  But where possible, DON'T LEAVE CRUMBS in our daily lives because we want to leave things unmarked and not unkempt, where possible.

The most attractive 'low-hanging fruit' in our daily lives is simply learning from mistakes.  Some of these mistakes do happen the first time but that's only 50% understandable because at least 50% of those mistakes could have been averted if we simply leveraged on our fundamentals in life.  In the first place, 'WE WERE NOT BORN YESTERDAY'.

Even things as mundane as slipping when you step on banana peel, there are tons of similar mistakes which could have been avoided with the least efforts, in fact.  How to avoid as much mistakes as possible ?  BE FOCUSED on what you are doing, period.  You can be an expert in your trade but unless you are focused, expect a spotty record at best.  Where possible, AVOID DISTRACTIONS. Do TAKE BREAKS.  We're not machines who can operate non-stop.  REACH out to your HELPLINE, if need be.  

In life, we don't want to see the path we travelled, littered with debris all over the place.  If you don't learn lessons from your mistakes, you'll flounder in your academic work over and over again.  Your relationships, it may skid.  Your work, it may continue 'going south'  Your business, God knows how long it will hang by a thread.

In whatever foxhole you're now down deep, each time you do commit a faux pas, to TURNAROUND is a must-do and that's when things get tricky because there is no one size that fits all.  Avoiding a REPEAT of mistakes is non-negotiable and unforgivable if such mistakes repeat. But why do we witness a REPEAT of mistakes ?  It all boils down to our personal mantra.  If we swear to put up QUALITY academic work in school, QUALITY relationships with our loved ones, QUALITY work in our jobs, QUALITY product and/or service in our business, you have successfully broken down that vicious cycle at least by a half at the very start.  Think of it, everything is possible as long as you DON'T LEAVE CRUMBS as you trek down the road✅✅✅

That UNCERTAIN Ground Beneath You

That UNCERTAIN Ground Beneath You

Who claims we always stand on firm, rock solid ground ?  That's baloney because that's farthest from the truth.  Truth of the matter. by default, we stand on shaky ground, on wetlands, on marshlands, nothing solid in place for us.  We got to remember that UNCERTAINTY is all around us, never more so than today.  Whether it concerns a global pandemic, the economy or your finances, health or your relationships, much of what lies ahead in life remains uncertain.  Yet, as human beings, we tend to crave for SECURITY.  We want to feel safe and have a sense of control over our lives and well-being.  Fear and uncertainty can leave you feeling stressed, anxious or powerless over the direction of your life.

Did you had those low points in your life when you felt your head and your whole self seemed spinning ?  Hmmm, we're all different in how much uncertainty we can tolerate in life. Some people seem to enjoy taking risks and living unpredictable lives while others find the randomness of life deeply distressing.  But all of us have a limit.  If you feel overwhelmed by UNCERTAINTY, it's important to be aware that you're not alone.  Many of us are in that very same boat.

While we may not acknowledge it, UNCERTAINTY is a natural part of our life.  Very little about our lives is constant or totally uncertain and while we have controil over many things, we can't control everything that happens to us.  As this pandemic demonstrated, life can change very quickly and very unpredictably.  One day, things may be fine, the next day you suddenly become sick, you lose your job or you find yourself struggling to put food on the table or provide for your family.  

To cope with all this UNCERTAINTY, many of us use worrying as a tool for trying to predict the future and avoid nasty surprises, so to speak.  Worrying can make it seem like you have some control over uncertain circumstances.  You may believe that will help you find a solution to your problems or prepare you for the worst.  Maybe if you just agonize over a problem long enough, just think through every possibility or ready every opinion online, you'll find a solution and be able to control the outcome.  Unfortunately, none of this works.  Chronic worrying can't give you more control on uncontrollable events.

How can we handle UNCERTAINTY then?  FOCUS ON CONTROLLING those things under your control.  You could lose your job but you still have control over how much energy you put into searching online for work. CHALLENGE YOUR NEED.  While uncertainty and change are inescapable parts of life, that UNCERTAIN Ground Beneath You can be pre-empted, PROMISE❗❗❗

Is There a Cost in Opportunities ?

Is There a Cost in Opportunities ?

Interesting topic indeed:  Is There a Cost in Opportunities ?  Guess it's high time to clear up the air of some mix-ups and confusion because all along, the misconception is that opportunities are FREE for our taking.  No sirs, in real life, there is no such thing as a FREE LUNCH.  Doing one thing makes you sacrifice the opportunity to do something else of value.  But before I get tempted to talk a bit from an economics perspective, the fact is that OPPORTUNITY COST is the cost of NOT CHOOSING the next best alternative for your money, time or any resource.

That American aphorism "THERE AIN'T NO SUCH THING AS A FREE LUNCH".  The thing is, life is all about values and priorities.  You face trade-offs.  Life requires you to make choices among mutually exclusive alternatives.  Everytime you select something, you forfeit other alternatives and the benefits.

The COST of SOMETHING is what you will give up to get it.  This is opportunity cost.  Question is, you can do anything but not everything.  What will you sacrifice when you choose one option over the others ?  When multiple choices are available, the quality of any option cannot be assessed in isolation from its alternatives.  The PRICE YOU PAY [or the sacrifice you make or the benefits you give up] for doing what you've chosen to do instead of doing something else is an OPPORTUNITY COST.

In short, an OPPORTUNITY COST is the cost of passing up the opportunities that a different option would have afforded.  Many costs are calculated in terms of money.  Howeverm just because you don't have to spend money to do something does not imply that the options you face are without their costs.  For example, you don't have to spend money to go for a hike or watch a sunset.

Thing is, OPPORTUNITY COSTS apply to all our choices, big and small.  Opportunity cost is a concept of greater magnitude.  It is one of the simple concepts in social sciences that are difficult to master and tough to put into consistent practice.  We really need to learn to evaluate life choices via the lens of opportunity costs so that the stakes become clearer.  As we live in a world of scarcity and must therefore make choices, we cannot avoid regret since there are OPPORTUNITY COSTS for every choice we will make. Ultimately, we need to conclude that the BENEFITS we will reap from an opportunity is much bigger as compared to the cost of an opportunity❗❗❗

DON'T Rush Because The Rim WON'T Go Anywhere

DON'T Rush Because The Rim WON'T Go Anywhere

All along we have been encouraging everyone to be decisive, being swift and quick in coming up with their decisions.  But here's the flipside though.  All of us, at some points in our lives, we tend to be rushing to come up with decisions prematurely [and I admit I did make premature decisions in the past]. But in retrospect, we need to remind ourselves that hey, DON'T Rush Because The Rim WON'T Go Anywhere.

If there is anything in life that is constantly difficult, it is all about decision-making.  Even the most petty decisions cannot be easily made 'on the fly'  but before drilling down there, let us look back with regard making poor decisions.  MENTAL ERROR ?  This is most common as this shows up most frequently in our lives.  What can cause these MENTAL ERRORS ?  Oh, we tend to overestimate the importance of events we can easily recall and underestimate the importance of events we have trouble recalling.  This is referred by psychologists as ILLUSORY CORRELATION.

But what are the BARRIERS for us to reach solid decisions ?  One of the common obstacles is the false assumption that we don't have time to think.  But this is NOT acceptable because if we don't think properly, we'll surely make decisions which will end up taking a lot more time, let alone WASTED money and MISSED opportunities.

At hindsight, EFFICIENCY seems prioritized over EFFECTIVENESS when it comes to decisions.  From studies, another common barrier to making good decisions arise from the bias that stems from how human short-term works.  DECISION FATIGUE is another factor that can severely impact our ability to make sound decisions.  Studies have proven that the QUANTITY of DECISIONS impact the QUALITY of those decisions.

How then do we make better decisions ?  #1 - UNDERSTAND THE PROBLEM, that's the long and short of it.  #2 - ELIMINATE UNIMPORTANT DECISIONS.  If there's so much clutter [a.k.a. garbage/rubbish], you would end up with a GIGO [Garbage IN-Garbage OUT] dilemma. #3 - GIVE YOURSELF SOME OPTIONS.  Problem is, most people only have a Plan A and with no Plan B, C or D.  #4 - DEVELOP AN APPROACH.  Project managers are clear examples of this best practice.  #5 - GET SOME DISTANCE - When you're too close to make a decision, it's too easy to miss the forest for the trees.  Stepping outside of yourself will help.  Always remember DON'T Rush Because The Rim WON'T Go Anywhere✅✅✅