Keep COOL When Things Get HOT!

Keep COOL When Things Get HOT!

Easier said than done BUT the reality is, tensions as well as conflicts warm up so damn quickly, much faster than the speed when NASA launches its space ship.  BUT let's put ourselves in real-life situations.  When we disagree on something, it is tough to keep mum and just take a deep breath.  More often, we would react before BUT to Keep COOL When Things Get HOT📗📙📘

Frankly, our emotions can lead us to act in ways we'll regret later.  So, WHAT do we do?  Let us endeavor to create a space between the 'STRESSORS' and your response.  And then, similar to pulling the hand brakes of your car during emergency situations, consider to pause to recognize what your FEELINGS are.  Simply observe your FEELINGS, then take that conscious choice on HOW to channel them💎💎💎

And when EMOTIONS get the better of us, try to speak CALMLY and try to understand the other person's perspectives.  And where there seems to be a 'GREAT DIVIDE' or a gap, find for a 'COMMON GROUND' because that's the modus vivendi that should be 'palatable' to both the protagonists.  As always, CONFLICTS will arise from time to time, so let us reflect on WHAT truly matters.  Show as much respect as you can, just like you want to be treated📌📌📌

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Thing is, there is power and freedom in HOW we govern our EMOTIONS.  Do stay anchored in your values, then take a deep breath.  To sound a bit poetic, 'THE DARK CLOUDS WILL MOVE AWAY AND THE STORM SHALL PASS'❎❎❎

What's our takeaway today?  When faced with a high-stress situation, one that even feels threatening , it can FEEL like we DON'T have control over our response.  Even researches have shown that our bodies can instinctively go into a 'FIGHT or FLIGHT' reaction.  What can we do from our part?  Let us endeavor to self-regulate our reactions.  In the field of neuroscience, it even offers insights into this process of SELF-REGULATION and we can move from the 'FIGHT or FLIGHT' response to a higher state of openess that invites thriving.  So, let's KEEP COOL WHEN THINGS GET HOT❗❗❗

Is MOTIVATION Your Problem?

Is MOTIVATION Your Problem?

Is MOTIVATION Your Problem?  Before we dive into it, let's agree as to what MOTIVATION is.  It is NO less than our drive to achieve our goals OR needs.  BUT it is heavily dependent on the extent of the GOAL you have set and WHAT are your expected GAINS vis-a-vis WHAT are the consequences and ramifications if you fail to achieve.  Let's face it, most people want to change at least one thing in their life.  BUT it can be challenging to find the MOTIVATION just to make a start. It helps if you understand what MOTIVATION means to you so you can find your own ways to get MOTIVATED along the way💴💷💵

So, without pushing hard, just to be aligned, MOTIVATION is important because it provides you with GOALS to work towards, which, along the way, may help solve your problems and even change your OLD habits for you to be able to cope with challenges and opportunities.  SO HOW?  Most people struggle with MOTIVATION but it becomes more challenging if this gets compounded with anxiety or depression📗📙📘

So, HOW do we go from here?  Numero uno, set one GOAL at a time, something that is specific, concrete and achievable.  Thinking about how to include your GOAL in your life, this goes with the question of WHAT you need to do to make it happen.  Putting a timeframe on is a MUST-DO.  Now, here's the tricky part that needs to be simplified.  Break your GOAL into small, easy tasks, preferably in a STEP-BY-STEP approach which you need to stick to📌📌📌

BUT if we perceive ourselves as lacking in MOTIVATION?  If you do, I guess you need to wait until you have that MOTIVATION to accomplish WHAT you want.  DON'T find MOTIVATION in action, it WON'T work.  It only comes from waiting on your bed.  MOTIVATION comes from scrolling through Instagram.  With that kind of habit-formation, sad to say, you are destined NOT to succeed.  And that will become more of a certainty if you persists scrolling and procrastinating.  Just keep doing those same stuff until your enemy becomes much more stronger than you.  Keep doing that UNTIL you would realize that there is NOTHING you can ever achieve in your life.  Now, here's a glimmer of hope in case you're in this dire predicament.  You DON'T need to find MOTIVATION by scrolling through social media [no thanks to your Pre-Paid UNLI subscription]❌❌❌

BTW, you can find MOTIVATION in doing something, even for just a little bit.  HOW?  Start small.  If you're wondering why people say "AIM FOR BIG GOALS, THEN START TAKING SMALL STEPS", it is because NOT all people have that abundant discipline.  NOT all people are born with great skills of commitment and discipline to achieve their GOALS in the first place.  Take action, due so that MOTIVATION is no longer a problem❎❎❎

What Drains You?

What Drains You?

What Drains You?  If you scaled up Mt Everest, that's perfectly fine.  If you went through a harrowing tragedy where fire was ablaze all over your place and you had to lift heavy stuff on your shoulders, that's understandable.  If you got hit with a flat tire and had to change tires under the scorching heat of the sun, that's a given.  BUT if it's because of any of these listed DRAINING HABITS on this poster, poor boy, you must be in the worst shape ever and this kind of 'rock bottom' situation calls for drastic actions that can trigger off a quick turnaround, else things are turning from bad to worse faster than you can cope📗📙📘

On the other hand, WHAT does this empty poster tell us?  Simple.  That we SHOULDN'T waste our energy on petty cum EMPTY things in life.  BTW, we are gifted twenty four hours a day, enough for us to get re-energized for a reasonable eight hours [even if you're living a frenetic-paced of life].  BUT with so many hours per day, you DON'T need to be egged to stop WASTING your time, your ENERGY📌📌📌

BTW, our life is NOT  a gadget with a rechargeable battery pack.  Our life takes more than just recharging because after we drain ourselves, we need a QUALITY way to regain and recharge ourselves.  Sadly, some of us end up so hanged up, sleeping late way beyond what is reasonable, then hitting the sack and lucky enough to catch an 'x' hours of sleep with little OR low quality, and struggling to push oneself to grind come next day❎❎❎

I've seen people up close WHO literally wasted thousands of precious hours in activities that brought them back ZERO RETURNS.  Problem is, WHEN you spend energy, it's just essential that you get back in return that will make you feel to have spent your energy [and time] on something worthwhile.  WHEN we invest ourselves in something, frankly, we spend ENERGY.  It is then up to us to decide if WHAT we get back in return was really worth the ENERGY [and time] spent.  Life ENERGY, whether it's emotional, social, mental, OR physical is what we use to live.  Spending this power and getting back NOTHING IN RETURN [or worse in some cases, LESS THAN NOTHING] leaves us LOST & WASTED✅✅✅

Let's admit it, it's hard to build a better life WHEN you spend your ENERGY [and time] on "ENERGY-sucking" things, name it, a nuisance around the neighborhood, the unhealthy pollution out there, a work colleague whose work attitude is simply detestable BUT it's hitting you hard, a client WHO's been demanding and squeezing more from you despite your ALL-OUT services rendered OR probably just another Tom, Dick or Harry whose personality you just DON'T feel comfy with.  If you see yourself in any of these "ENERGY-sucking" scenarios, back-out and pack-off, pronto❌❌❌

Out Of Control?

Out Of Control?

By nature, we human beings really have that deep-seated desire for certainty and CONTROL.  And of course, the fact that we coined 'CONTROL FREAK' indicates our need for CONTROL can go too far in fact.  BUT what if your life is Out Of Control? Maybe we shouldn't be surprised then that so many measures of our collective mental health are all heading in the wrong direction these days.  BUT given that the world looks unlikely to grow less crazy anytime soon, does that mean we're doomed to be miserable until our lives feel CONTROLLABLE📢📢📢

BUT not to despair, though, studies show that while we may NOT always be able to CONTROL events [OR even triggers] in life, we certainly can CONTROL our reaction to them and that can make a world of difference for our happiness.  Psychologists' researches show that there are two kinds of CONTROLs, namely, PRIMARY CONTROL and SECONDARY CONTROL💴💷💵

Examples of PRIMARY CONTROL are your decisions WHERE TO LIVE or even WHAT TO ORDER in a restaurant.  And while that's the most common one, SECONDARY CONTROL is very much close to its heels and the stark difference in the latter is that you DON'T CONTROL the events herein BUT you do CONTROL how you think about and respond to them.  SECONDARY CONTROL kicks in when you reframe a failure as a learning experience, that kind of HALF-FULL stuff📗📙📘

Over and over again, studies all scream in unison that humans prefer PRIMARY CONTROL [for obvious reasons] BUT they also showed that SECONDARY CONTROL can go a long way to promote feelings of both moment-to-moment HAPPINESS and even overall life satisfaction.  Intrinsically, it is a richer notion of WHAT it means to live a GOOD, FULL LIFE.  It's an attitude that DOESN'T downplay the negative experiences of life, yet it allows for a different kind of engagement with life✅✅✅

This gets to what SECONDARY CONTROL is about, being able to fit one's experiences into a broader narrative in life.  Events may be very often out of our hands BUT it is HOW we interpret and understand them which matters more.  Our takeaway:  You can always CONTROL how you tell your story.  WHEN you can't steer events, you can always steer HOW you think about them.  And this is when life being OUT of CONTROL becomes a thing of the past❗❗❗

When Do You SPEAK?

When Do You SPEAK?

When Do You SPEAK?  Good question.  Tough question though.  And the answer is that there is NO clear-cut answer to that question because you need to factor-in a couple of things before deciding on the best timing to SPEAK UP.  BUT Let's hear from Nelson Mandela, South Africa's most famous anti-apartheid activist who shared what he learned from his father💵💴💷

And Mandela said, two things he learned from his father.  Have all attendees sit in a circle and always speak last.  BUT let's throw out those assumptions that we are like Mandela or even Jeff Bezos.  Let's stick to being a layman, a worker, a father figure at home, a businessman.  The recommended best practice regardless of the environment you are in, is to set the tone that goes like this:  HERE'S OUR AGENDA, HERE'S WHAT I THINK BUT I'M INTERESTED TO HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS📗📙📘

Studies show that the skill to hold your OPINION until everyone else has spoken does two things, namely:  It gives everyone else the feeling that they have been heard and you get that benefit of listening to valuable inputs from everyone else before rendering your thoughts.  And as you sit there and listen, yes you can ask questions BUT a word of caution.  If you agree with somebody, DON'T nod YES and if you DON'T agree, DON'T nod NO,  In that way, you will be able to understand NOT only what the speakers mean BUT also where they are speaking from, listening from their perspectives📌📌📌

Let's play roles here, assuming it will be a serious discussion amongst your family members and you happen to be the most respected patriarch.  Imagine if you will be the first one to talk and talk, either some of them will get intimidated OR discouraged OR at the very least, some will be hesitant to speak out especially if they end up in loggerheads with you❌❌❌

The most difficult part is to develop that skill to hold your OWN OPINIONS to yourself until everyone has spoken because as per studies, it leads to two things, namely:  It gives everybody else the feeling that they have been heard and that it gives everyone the ability to feel that they have contributed.  And secondly, it gives us the benefit of hearing what everybody else has to think before you speak out.  The last thing you want to see are people withdrawing and settling down to their gadgets, refusing to speak up.  Our takeaway, DON'T speak out SO SOON❎❎❎

Why FUTURE Should Be For The FUTURE

Why FUTURE Should Be For The FUTURE

Why FUTURE Should Be For The FUTURE.  But the bigger question, what pushes most of us to be preoccupied with the FUTURE?  The answer is in a 4-letter word spelled F-E-A-R.  When we FEAR something, we DON'T FEAR that particular thing BUT instead we FEAR how it will feel to go through it OR how it will affect you.  You then FEAR the emotional part💴💷💵

Now, if we rattle off the list of FEARS that causes us to struggle, it's a loooooong list, namely FEAR of change, failure, loneliness, rejection, uncertainty, getting hurt, bad things happening, being judged, inadequacy and that loss of freedom.  Think about HOW many of those FEARS you are currently experiencing📗📙📘

True, those fears like losing one's job, OR that FEAR of rejection OR failure are valid BUT WHAT IF you saw losing your career as an OPPORTUNITY?  It would become something you no longer fear.  Indeed, many people FEAR those standard parts of life.  They FEAR unavoidable things that are guaranteed to happen.  The question is, WHAT can you do to live a meaningful, vibrant, engaged life in the face of all FEARS❌❌❌

We know it, WHEN we FEAR things, we know WHAT will happen next.  It will paralyze you and it WON'T allow you to move past that FEAR.  You can curb that WORRY, build your confidence, and thrive by applying practical measures for us to STOP worrying about the FUTURE.  So HOW?  When new technologies come, we often resist it NOT because they're bad but because how we FEAR change❗❗❗

What's our takeaway today?  When you DON'T connect to your FEARS, you often resist change that is GOOD for you.  CHANGE is going to happen whether you decide to accept it or NOT.  If we're aware of WHAT you're scared to lose, you can protect those things without losing everything.  BUT not everything we FEAR makes sense because THE FUTURE SHOULD BE FOR THE FUTURE📌📌📌

When POSITIVITY Rubs Off

When POSITIVITY Rubs Off

Are you POSITIVE-minded enough?  OR can you be more POSITIVE than what you are now?  OR on the downside, are you more of a NEGATIVE person who deserves to be flipped to be POSITIVE enough?  So, When POSITIVITY Rubs Off, do we stand a china man's chance to improve even by an inch from what OR where we are now?  C'mon dude💴💷💵

If there's something we DON'T need to exert any effort, it's how to distinguish POSITIVE from NEGATIVE as it's like WHITE versus BLACK, GOOD and BAD, RIGHT and WRONG.  In which case, that desire to live a good and POSITIVE life comes naturally to us.  A POSITIVE life is different from just a specific goal we set to achieve.  If you want a specific thing like money, assets, a job or a person, then you might have it BUT it's still something you CAN'T always control.  But a POSITIVE life is something you can always take control of and change from within because you can live a positive life NO matter WHERE you are, WHO you are📗📙📘

So, WHAT is a POSITIVE life after all?  Numero uno, it's more than something you can just control.  It entails a series of thought processes, beliefs, and an overall mindset.  And going down on the nitty-gritty, it is maintaining an overly POSITIVE and realistic attitude and taking POSITIVE actions.  Focusing on the solutions to your problems rather than the problem itself💊💊💊

Consistently exerting that honest-to-goodness effort to constantly improve yourself and your life ignites you to learn especially from your failures and your mistakes, then moving past them and trying again with a new approach.  Living in the PRESENT and making the most of it while NOT dwelling much on the PAST or even the FUTURE.  And most importantly, FOCUSING the GOOD traits in people and NOT solely focusing on their flaws.  This then will lead you to more empathetic and even less judgmental and ultimately, you can strive your best with WHAT you have to work with✅✅✅

Now, indeed, all these are easier said than done.  So, where do we go from here?  CONTROL your mindset.  Let's look back how do we wake up everyday?  Do we wake up when the alarm clock goes off?  That's kind of saying that the idea of waking up early is a BAD thing and your mind makes the alarm clock as the trigger.  Another petty thing is waking up grumpy because you DON'T have to start your day that way BUT doing so, it's like you programmed all by yourself in your mind.  Think POSITIVE.  Act POSITIVE.  Live POSITIVE.  And mingle with POSITIVE people.  That's when POSITIVITY rubs off, promise❗❗❗

Multitasking Is A MYTH, Period

Multitasking Is A MYTH, Period

Good day folks.  For our thread today, please allow me to kickstart off with this declarative statement that regardless, Multitasking Is A MYTH, Period, and this is NOT even a conditional statement.  What's frustrating is that MULTI-TASKING continues to be peddled and advocated by many of us when in truth, we can debunk MULTI-TASKING anytime we want💴💷💵

Way prior to even that Covid-19 pandemic did hit us hard, across all industries, we all hear MULTI-TASKING.  Let's be cautious, though, that there are cases when the GREEN LIGHT for MULTI-TASKING illuminates from the top of the organization, by and large, let us NOT drag management and our bosses into that MULTI-TASKING conundrum📗📙📘

In these frenetic times, the hustle, hurry and bustle have become a regular way of life for many of us, so much so that we have embraced a word to describe our never-ending efforts to respond to the many pressing demands of our time, spelled as M-U-L-T-I-T-A-S-K-I-N-G.  Let's blame the computing industry for this one and you can QUOTE me on this.  I can make this statement without batting an eyelash because back then, as I was working in IBM mainframe-based environments, that thing on MULTI-TASKING was supposedly in reference to the computing power of those mainframe computers at that time❌❌❌

With MULTI-TASKING coined for decades to describe the parallel processing power of the high-end computers, MULTI-TASKING has now evolved to be the shorthand for that human attempt to do simultaneously as many things as possible, as quickly as possible, preferably marshalling the power of as many technologies as possible, ALL-IN-ONE, where possible❎❎❎

Of course, way back the 1990s and 2000s, one sensed a kind of exuberance about the possibilities of MULTI-TASKING.  Even those advertisements for electronic gadgets celebrated the notion of using technology to accomplish several things at once.  BUT at what price?  FOCUS.  QUALITY.  And, even ironically, PRODUCTIVITY.  WHY?  Where QUALITY has been compromised, obviously PRODUCTIVITY dips, obviously.  So, it's a given that MULTI-TASKING IS A MYTH❗❗❗

Does Opinion of Others Matter?

Does Opinion of Others Matter?

I've known people close enough WHO were like in a recurring STATE of STUPOR simply because they got kind of "PARALYZED" or stalled to make a decision OR to take a concrete action simply because they continue to weigh the OPINION of others.  Nothing wrong to listen to others' OPINIONS but for your decisions OR actions to get stalled because of others' OPINIONs is a NO-NO💵💴💷

But here's a WHAT IF.  WHAT IF the OPINION of others are hurtful and/or harmful?  That ugly tail will start to weave you out of your logical and/or practical senses.  Now, the reality is, sometimes, we really DON'T want to care WHAT others think or say about us.  And sometimes, we do succeed at that.  Sadly, more often than NOT, we fail.  Even one completely ridiculous and untrue OPINION that borders more of being rubbish or thrash does hurt📗📙📘

Though most of us [and that includes moi] would deny it, people's OPINIONS do matter to us.  WHY?  Simple.  Because people matter.  BUT there is one study that equates others' OPINION = PAIN and somehow I agree, literally it is a PAIN.  Think of the SOCIAL PAIN we've been enduring, caused by bullying [especially cyber bullying these days], rejection, breakups.  And when you factor in SOCIAL MEDIA, those tons and tons of UNSOLICITED OPINIONS would come in like an unabated avalanche during the harsh winters❗❗❗

Now let's face it and admit it, some of us [and I was guilty of this too several times in the past], to avoid that PAIN coming from others' OPINIONS, become people pleasers.  Kow-towing, personality-less-yes-men and women who give other human beings too much power, treating them like GODS or Semi-GODS.  Others go to the opposite extreme though, locking up their hearts, pulling out their masks of meanness and cynicism, looking down on human beings as either stupid, narrow-minded, worthless creatures whose thoughts are worth NO more than those of a cockroach.  But personally, me thinks that this kind of mindset is a stretch, seriously✅✅✅

Many of us, though, alternate between looking at those opinions as either coming from GODS or cockroaches.  BUT be forewarned that without being ill-intentioned, sometimes, OPINIONS of others could end up as a POISON.  Sometimes, the wrong words have killed more dreams than self-doubt ever will.  Just a word is ENOUGH to bring you away from one's desires.  High performers NEVER react to WHAT people say.  WHY?  Because their mental belief acts as a shield to protect their dreams where they are focused.  Now, DOES OPINION OF OTHERS MATTER❓❓❓

Be Wary of WORDS

Be Wary of WORDS

For most of us in our daily lives, WORDS are just part and parcel of the totality of the snippets in our daily lives.  Be Wary of WORDS.  Watch out WHAT you speak.  Human beings are blessed with a unique ability, a distinctive talent to communicate with each other.  It is such an extraordinary blessing that we can govern this world because of this unique benefit.  This boon is the capability to speak.  The words that come out of our mouth may seem too light BUT they are heavier than the brawniest object in the world.  The words spoken by a person can either make OR break another person💴💷💵

It is said that the BULLET SHOT FROM A GUN and the WORDS SPOKEN can never be taken back.  This explains why it is indispensable to use the most appropriate words possible.  As human beings, we need to use them in a way that they should be appreciated.  A word of encouragement spoken in the right way and the right tone are the best ever📗📙📘

Whereas, if we end up 'spewing words' that are least fit, it can even break a heart, cause friction OR worse, even sour relationships.  The wounds caused by the words are more resonant and painful than the injuries caused by anything else.  Impolite words NEVER miss the target of shattering the heart.  Choosing them wisely is the least we can do✅✅✅

Many great personalities have come and gone in this world.  They could 'RULE OUR HEARTS' just by the way they spoke and held us together with affection and perseverance.  Verily, even a fair and ethical discourse can drastically turn a monster into a saint.  Always think a thousand times before you speak.  It influences the one who hears it.  The worst of it, it can cause friction or even trigger an argument even on a NON-ISSUE❌❌❌

Now, for the 'ICING ON THE CAKE'.  Be most wary of the UNSPOKEN words but instead are manifested with ACTIONs because as that very old cliche goes, ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.  True, sometimes we are outraged or frustrated.  The best way is to keep mum and be silent because silence can ward off and pre-empt problems that are just waiting to be ignited.  The fact that we have our fair share of problems in our daily life, the last thing we want is to unnecessarily create problems easily avoided❗❗❗