Time Heals

Time Heals

Does Time REALLY Heal those wounds?  It's of the most unhelpful cliches you can pull out when speaking with a grieving person, right up there with "IT'S ALL PART OF GOD's PLAN".  Then again, there is a bit of truth in plenty of unhelpful sayings and over time, tons and tons of researches have proven to attest to the healing nature of time.  For most of us, after probably a year or more has lapsed, those symptoms of acute grief would have lessened.

But hold on though.  Although I am a firm believer that TIME HEALS, sometimes things actually get WORSE before they get BETTER.  You can ask around, those who have suffered a significant loss in the past.  Likely, they will confide to you that the initial SHOCK & PAIN, while agonizing, wasn't a most difficult time for them. 

That may come weeks or even months later when the REALITY of LIFE without a loved one begins to set in.  The sense that you can never ever speak with that person again, neevr touch them, hear their voice or feel the unique way you did with them, has begun to sink in.  We can even stretch the metaphor of grief as a wound.  Horror and disbelief courses through you in the seconds after you receive a bad cut or when you break a bone but the pain only sets in later once the numbness of shock fades.

Truth is, even in the long run, time DOESN'T actually improve matters for some of us.  Heard about 'COMPLICATED GRIEF' for people whose grief symptoms are still acute.  They become stuck in mourning.  NOT wanting to accept the reality of the loss of strong feelings attached.  The DENIAL of LOSS that creates a powerful impact.  The intensity of a LOSS that is compounded by traumatic circumstances.  NOT wanting to let go of the pain because of a betrayal of the feelings for the lost loved one.  NOT having a safe place with whom to process the loss in that forever-changed world.

Fact is, TIME GOES REALLY REALLY SLOWLY when you're hurting.  Remember if you were hospitalized before and you notice how painfully time moves SO SLOWLY when you're stuck in the hospital?  Or when you've got that recurring migraine and you're waiting for that painkiller to kick in?  The same rule applies when you're in an emotional agony.  "TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS"  is like a slap on your face when minutes feel like hours, hours feel like days and the days just seem to drag, you start to question and doubt if the calendar is moving at all?  So, indeed, TIME HEALS but NO SINGLE SIZE FITS ALL because there are multifarious factors that will either drag or accelerate your healing.  What's our FIX?  Keep that FOCUS in your healing process💊💊💊

Does Lightning Strike Twice?

Does Lightning Strike Twice?

Is this a MYTH or not?  Does Lightning Strike Twice? Unfortunately, many of us still get succumbed to the original adage that Lightning Strikes Once.  But man, times are damn tougher than what even our forefathers have forewarned us.  Who would have thought that life will be easier [and cozier] after the world war, after the holocaust, after the Korean War or even after the Kuwait and Iraq Wars?  Not until Uncle Sam bamboozled Saddam Hussein !!!

Enough of history though.  I can volunteer myself.  Did lightning strike me more than once?  Absolutely.  During that global recession which hit hard all markets, I ended up jobless twice.  When the Asian Financial Crisis caused all the Asian economies to go down the drain, I did end up in the drain as well.  And as a result of the domino effect of those cataclysmic events, even my credit card bills ballooned to levels way beyond my capacity such that I had to negotiate with my banker.  Indeed, those were hard times.

At the workplace, long time ago, workers taught that the bosses may reprimand them maybe once in years but hey, if you are that mediocre at work, if you need to be reprimanded twice, you will bear the brunt of all the consequences.  But hey, the good thing is that lightning may NOT happen for the third or fourth time because on your third infraction, you can bet you will be due for a formal HR disciplinary action or worst, do expect to receive that dreaded PINK SLIP. 

Let's swing over to our relationships with our spouse/loved one or our immediate family. Those family feuds do happen.  Those couple quarrels happen.  Till things worsen and people mutually decide to part ways.  Then the ugly head surfaces.  Then we all end up in that vicious cycle where tiffs lead to quarrels till it worsens till no amount of FIX is feasible anymore.

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So what's our FIX?  Once you get hit by that lightning, treat it as the FINAL ALARM.  When a breakup happens followed by that 'hard earned' reconciliation, DON'T ever wait for the last straw that will hit the camel's back.  These days, you must NOT even wait for that lightning to hit you even for the first time because for all you know, you'll be unable to pick up tje pieces again once lightning strikes twice📗📕📘

Only YOU Yourself OWNS Your HAPPINESS

 Only YOU Yourself OWNS Your HAPPINESS

This is confusing.  H-A-P-P-I-N-E-S-S is one of the most common word ever even for non-bilinguals.  Yet, the perplexing question is this:  WHY IS IT MANY PEOPLE STILL FIND HAPPINESS TO BE THAT ELUSIVE ???Yesirrrrs, once and for all, please grab our title for today's piece:  Only YOU Yourself OWNS Your HAPPINESS

Let's swing over to the millions of couples in the world.  Except for those who are either divorced or those who [literally] live their own lives [separately], ALL couples live based on the same standards.  Their R&R may not be that identical as the guy goes to the golf course whereas the wifey goes for shopping.  But over and above, they are on the same bandwidth, on the same page.

In truth and in fact, most couples would share more commonalities than differences.  Whether it means living a high-wired life or living a modest life or even living life in austerity or worst in a Spartan-like manner, most couples should be on that same page.  Yet, it is NOT uncommon to hear tandems of a either a HAPPY wifey-UNHAPPY hubby or vice-versa, an UNHAPPY wifey-HAPPY hubby.  WHY? 

So, in most-most cases, if we're living a HAPPY life or UNHAPPY life, it's either to our credit that we are HAPPY or to our burden why we are UNHAPPY.  DON'T blame neither the economy nor the government.  If at all, redirect that pointing fingers to you yourself because if you seem UNHAPPY, likely it's because you did that hole where you are NOW trapped.  Where you're on a high note, credit yourself for being on top of things.

At the end of the day, you are the sole master of your DESTINY whether you will be able to [eventually] achieve that HAPPINESS that seems elusive.  BTW, even Mr Webster or Mr GOOGLE does NOT have standard definitions of HAPPY or even UNHAPPINESS.  Why?  It's because Only YOU yourself OWNS your HAPPINESS📌📌📌

BEWARE, Christmas Is Coming

 BEWARE, Christmas Is Coming

What an irony indeed.  What can explain us titling today's "BEWARE" piece when in fact Christmas is coming?  With Christmas just around the corner,  I just thought I'll borrow some of these relevant posters from my banker as it issues out alerts to the majority of the unsuspecting customer base.  As much as it is the festive season, this is when scammers and fraudsters will ramp up and go full throttle because by now, most of us are overwhelmed with all the goings-on all over the place while our wallets have slightly got fatter [albeit in fleeting ways though].

Sadly, there are isolated segments across our global village wherein their intent is more evil than the normal evil we have come to know in the past  From last week's news, a bank Chinese bank depositor filed a legal complaint against her banker because although she is NOT using online banking at all, her bank record details show that one million pesos was gobbled up from her account balance.  To think that most of us worked hard [with all the sweat and sacrifices] to come up with those savings.

Not to dampen the spirit of this Christmas Season, let us continue to be VIGILANT.  How can we be VIGILANT?  By being constantly CAUTIOUS without being CYNICAL, we need to PAUSE before hitting the CLICK button whenever various electronic alerts will prompt us.  The harsh reality here is that these scammers and fraudsters are MANY STEPS ahead of us when it comes to their tricks up in their sleeves.  And they're damn smarter than us when it pertains to their 'DIRTY TRICKS'.  WHEN they send an SMS alert to ostensibly warn you that there is a potential breach to your account.  WHEN they purportedly alert you that there was a failed attempt to breach your account but which they thwarted.

How do we counter EVIL INTENT?  Tough nut to crack, dude.  Many times, cataclysmic events did happen and when it happens, the best we can eevr do is to CONTAIN it.  But that's NOT enough though.  Pre-emptive measures are necessary to shield us from all these EVIL INTENT.  WHEN one receives an ALERT call from an anonymous party, be suspecting.  WHEN one receives an SMS alert, be suspicious.  WHEN one gets lured to some 'GOOD NEWS' but such requires you to 'CLICK A LINK' to proceed, FORGET IT !

Thing is, when we are into a situation, we must be able to CALL A SPADE A SPADE.  There should be NO room for interpretation or worst, speculative ways to assess the validity of a message alert.  Going back to this Festive Season of the upcoming Christmas, let us be constantly on the SAFE side of things.  Risks will popped up LEFT and RIGHT.  And we can't obliterate those risks because they are very much part of the landscape we live in.  What is expected from us is to MITIGATE RISKS but that's not too much to ask from us📌📌📌

Is BREAKTHROUGH A Myth Or Reality?

Is BREAKTHROUGH A Myth Or Reality?

Is BREAKTHROUGH A Myth Or Reality?  Hard to buy this but I can attest that I've met people who cling that any BREAKTHROUGH is just a MYTH.  To them, it's all fated.  If it's for you, then it comes.  And if you're not fated, that ain't coming.  Ouchhhh.  If I need to roll up my sleeves and get into a slugfest of a debate, I am more than willing to jump into it.

As early as my high school days, I was looking as far down as the road I'll trek [even if I can't visualize that road.  I recall when I saved a bit of my daily allowances, my very FIRST SPEND was a book about CAREERs, detailing all possible jobs from archaeologists to geologists down to being an aircraft  At that point in my life, I was so raw and as naive as any upstart from the countryside.  But rather than get me tied with life in the countryside, I [secretly] plotted my plans to take the plunge in the wide metro capital, Manila that is.

At that point, whilst I knew there was that invincible glass ceiling, I told myself that I wanna break that glass ceiling.  NOT now.  But I will, in the future.  But hold on.  I didn't end up as an archaeologist or even a proud pilot.  Nope.  NOT because I failed.  But because I never wanted to be either.

But let's admit it, success is not for anyone's picking. That unpalatable combination of sweat + sacrifices is what will gradually [NOT instantly though] lead you towards that path to success.  But NOT to weaken the 'lesser hearted',  the path towards that elusive success point will be littered not just with potholes but planted mines that will blow-up right on you once you mis-step unto it.  Fact is, life is NO walk in the park [regardless if you were born with a silver spoon or you come from an indigent past.

Fast forward, what do we envision in our life?  Surely, you want to live the life you dreamed of.  Travelling.  Surfing.  Enjoying your habits and interests.  Living life with your loved ones nary of those nagging problems that would wreak havoc in our lives.  So, if you would ask me again if BREAKTHROUGH is a Myth Or Reality?  I'll rest my case by asking you to throw that MYTH out in the window💹💹💹

Why Do Things Go from GOOD to BAD?

 Why Do Things Go from GOOD to BAD?

Quite puzzling.  If things are that GOOD, things shouldn't go skidding down south, right?  Because once you achieved something that is GOOD enough, only something catastrophic should change one's fortunes.  Yet, Why Do Things Go from GOOD to BAD?  We can even embrace Murphy's Law here.

Yes we can harp MURPHY's LAW which dictates that ANYTHING THAT CAN GO WRONG WILL GO WRONG, period.  But that's being fatalistic because it is akin to giving up on things by default.  When in truth and in fact, it behooves that we put in much effort towards at the very least, maintaining the STATUS QUO once things reach that GOOD state.   I may not be from the marketing industry but I always heard [and believed] that retaining a customer will entail considerably lesser effort [and even costs] versus acquiring new customers.  This is akin to having achieved something.  Maintaining the STATUS QUO should entail much less effort rather than climbing and rising up from down below.  

The same thing goes with relationships.  Did we realize that it will take us much more efforts to gain and acquire a new genuine friend versus maintaining an existing genuine friendship?  For men who have wooed the girl they liked should be able to attest this.  And when we swing over to the workplace, it's the same truism.  Isn't it that the HR recruitment process is much more circuitous and complicated until [IF EVER] you hurdle all the interviews and tests, which will lead them to extend you the job offer you wanted?

If you're an entrepreneur, I'm cocksure you would NOT agree less that you had to 'move mountains' just to acquire customers and clients versus for existing customers, the least you can do is maintaining the same level of services to ensure customer satisfaction does not slide down.  So, when things turn from GOOD to BAD, more often, we have no one to blame but ourselves.

BTW, who wants to take U-turns?  Not an easy way, not in life though.  Even for drivers, taking a U-turn tells one to be Xtra cautious and Xtra careful because of the attendant risks.  In your daily life, as much as possible, once you have plateaued after achieving something 'GOOD', ensure that where possible,  things DON'T go from GOOD to BAD because farther down the road where you're trekking, there will be rough patches that will put you in a BAD state and that's when and where you need to funnel your efforts when things go from GOOD to BAD📌📌📌

Who Wants The Roads LESS Travelled

Who Wants The Roads LESS Travelled

Why is it there are expressways, inter-state highways and out there in the countryside, there are farm roads and feeder roads.  But the puzzling question is this:  Why are there Roads LESS Travelled [until these days]?  Is it because of transport, logistics or road infrastructure issues?  No sirrrrrs, let's NOT pass the buck to the Department of Transportation because you DON'T need to look far.

Just like having our own car, that just does NOT guarantee that you'll be trekking towards those Roads LESS Travelled.  Of course, this is simply an analogy as I'm making reference to our lives, how we live our life, how we steer and drive our life and to which direction[s] do we steer our car to.  But before we dissect things, are you NOT puzzled why there are horrendous traffic gridlocks across any of the world's key metro areas.  Name it.  Mumbai.  Bangkok.  Jakarta. Manila.  We can go on and on.

How often do we come across a commuter or traveller stalled in the middle of those freeways?  Very rarely if at all.  That goes true even in our daily life.  We get trapped or stalled in the most travelled roads in life.  The most popular job category.  The most densely populated communities.  The most common holiday destinations.  The most common R&R.  How about the Roads LESS Travelled?

And when we swing to those countless but unrecognized Roads LESS Travelled, why are green waters so alluring?  Why are those waters so tempting?  It's all because very few, if at all, have taken the risk of exploring those Roads LESS Travelled.  WHY? Two factors often are the show-stoppers that explain why till today, Roads LESS Travelled continue to exist.  It all goes back to our FEARS.  And the tentacles of FEAR are one too many.

When FEAR creeps into our life, we DON'T just get stalled.  Sometimes, we would end up paralyzed, not in the literal sense, but it's that state where you would hardly progress with things you want to do.  How do we then unravel this puzzle?  Let's grab this poster loudly proclaiming "DO YOU HAVE THE COURAGE TO TAKE THE ROAD LESS TRAVELLED" ?  Yes dude, let's pick up the gauntlet.📗📘📙

PERFORMANCE ZONE Versus STRETCH ZONE

PERFORMANCE ZONE Versus STRETCH ZONE

All along, we hear people counsel us to get out of our COMFORT ZONE.  And to be fair, many of did go way beyond our respective COMFORT ZONEs and voila, many of us really did etch our own marks.  But here's the perennial trap.  Why is it many of us still end up in that 'boxed in' conundrum where we are unable to gain the momentum and in the end, we all tend to get stalled and unable to move forward.

So, what's in store for us when we take that calculated risk of breaching the PERFORMANCE ZONE towards the STRETCH ZONE?  A lot, to be honest.  To start with, this is akin to moving the goal post.  it is those times when you challenge yourself because you'd rather set lofty goals rather than capturing a 'no contest' goal because it's right there in front your very nose.  You might be surprised though that are more non-converts compared to the converts with STRETCH ZONES.

Someone might ask us:  CAN'T I FIND SUCCESSES within my COMFORT ZONE?  Of course, absolutely you can.  Analogy-wise, that is akin to a student who completed the Grade 8th Level and wants to remain there because he wants to lord it out across the market.  But is that the narrow-minded interpretation of things?  What is there to lose when you take that LEAP of FAITH and take the plunge next?

Anyone who needs an inspiration need not go that far.  Just look at the huge bell seating atop a vantage point across the rolling valleys down there.  Once the 'bell boy' starts to swing the rope for the local community to hear the loud decibels of that big bell, its impact is just enormous.  You can be at the farthest flung of the the city, but you'll still hear when it rings.

In all humility, while my successes to date remain modest and NOT 'earth-shaking', I can attest that IF I didn't go out of my PERFORMANCE ZONE.  IF I didn't get to the STRETCH ZONE.  IF I didn't raised the stakes high in taking all the manageable risks, I would NOT be what I am now.  DON'T get me wrong though.  My successes are just modest enough, nothing to brow beat because that shouldn't be the case📌📌📌

What We Would Like To Do BUT DIDN'T

What We Would Like To Do BUT DIDN'T Do?

How often has this been happening in our life?  When was it when we would like TO DO BUT DIDN'T Do?  Let me bet.  That may have happened quite a few times [and maybe more] once you go back down memory lane.  The most silly situations I can attest to is hearing someone that he/she failed to do or pursue something because due to inclement weather.  Similarly, when the skies are gloomy, one will put off something.  In retrospect, you would see one end up scratching his/her head only for remorse and regret for wanting TO DO but failed TO DO.  For whatever reason, it's lamentable and regrettable.  

So, why exactly we fail TO DO what we want TO DO?  It all starts with PERSISTENCE.  More people fail TO DO what they want TO DO because either they are unsure of doing it, which could mean they do not have the knowledge or capability to do something.  Which BTW, that should NEVER be a show-stopper at all.  If you need to learn the rudiments to do something, then [pardon my words], move your butt and DON'T waste another minute.

BTW, do you maintain your own journal or diary in your daily life?  If so, it would be noteworthy to peruse your journal or diary but not BLANK PAGES because that is the worst thing if you cannot show yourself how and what you spent your time and what results have you outputted that are aligned with your goals.

SELF-DISCIPLINE kicks in as well.  If you spoil [and I'll call it 'WREAK'] yourself by HABITUALLY putting off for the next day and the next next day what you need to do today, you may be pouncing on that 'last nail on the coffin'.  SELF-DISCIPLINE being at the very core in life, if one's SELF-DISCIPLINE is either decaying or worst, rotten, everything in you will [unfortunately] crumble down into pieces.

Another common culprit is having a fatalistic attitude.  Rather than we face the mirror and figure out our lapses and shortfalls, we would tend to blame things to fate.  Like shrugging our shoulders?  To add salt to open wounds, for our past mistakes, we tend to be just too forgiving to ourselves.  Which would have been fine not until our life starts to skid down towards that deep ravine.  When was it when we would like TO DO BUT DIDN'T Do❓❓❓

Washing Off That Stigma of FAILURE

Washing Off That Stigma of FAILURE

Washing Off that stigma of FAILURE should be one of the toughest things to do in life for us to rise up from and recover.  No one likes to FAIL and as in any competition, everyone love the WINNER and NOT the loser.  That stigma of having FAILED is one of the toughest nuts to ever crack.  Not because of the stigma itself but more so because rising from a FAILURE is akin to 'RESURRECTING FROM THE DEAD'. 

And what's the near-proven formula?  It is RESETTING YOUR LIFE.  How do we translate that into action words?  If you just signed off your divorce papers in the U.S., maybe you want to move over to a far-flung state, e.g. if you're in the West Coast. why not go East Coast?   Or move to relocate to another country?  And if you're left with that conjugal property, don't look forward to your river f tears flooding your home during your low points.

True, you may have FAILED but here's the big BUT.  Remember you are NOT spent and finished.  It's never the END of the WORLD [unless/except it is exactly that you want to get into].  I myself, I've been battered and bruised [NOT literally though] many times in the past but with sheer and dogged determination, I brutally told myself this is NOT the end state I deserve.

Some of us may get into the mother of all worst problems in life.  Marriage failed.  Jobless.  Penniless.  And likely, devoid of any support structure.  Indeed, this is a rock-bottom scenario but again, this is NOT the END of the WORLD because life must go on.

Without over-simplifying things, whatever problems beset you now, DON'T look farther than that cone of ice cream the child drops on the floor because nothing should inhibit you from washing off that stigma of failure.  Bet you, that stigma can be cleansed with a combination of persistence and patience. Go for it💊💊💊