Keep It Small & Simple [KISS]

 

Dream BIG and Dream BIGGER!  YESirrrrrrrrrrrrs that's the best motto in life we can scream to the max BUT for now, can we ensure both our feet firmly touch the ground?  Many studies showed that there are one too many frustrated folks [count me IN [way back]], no thanks to the super BIG BIGGER dreams they set for themselves to achieve.  Have you tried jumping as high as you could and if your landing is 'OFF', it will hurt you big time💚💛💜

YES dude, this is NO wish list.  In fact, this is a TO-DO List WHICH we can roll out instantly, as early as now, pronto:

• Once you hit the sack, can you just turn off your smartphone [unless of course you've got a 24x7 On-call job OR you're into an emergency situation]
• If you're a smoker, pick a day to smoke fewer sticks
• If alcohol is part of you, pick a day to go alcohol-free
• WHEN you wake up, try putting a smile on your face
• Adopt that 'ONE-minute Rule':  If there's a task we can do in less than a minute, JUST DO IT dude, even if that's answering an email for a minute

YES dude, we can go on and on, there's a mile-long list of SMALL & SIMPLE CHANGES in life we can pursue with the least efforts and with no-frills in fact.  Doing SMALL things can really be 'game changers' in our life.  These 'SMALL' things are simple, everyday habits WHICH, WHEN practised consistently, can significantly reduce stress and anxiety.  True, everyone today do suffer from stress and anxiety.  I have had my fair share of it.  Maybe you are NOT one of them BUT you may know someone WHO is!!!

Allow me to share one SUPER TINY WHINY SMALL CHANGE I recently did, almost effortlessly.  That's UNSUBSCRIBING from contentso of portals and websites.  A month ago, I realized my email inbox was never tapering off.  In FACT, even if I kept cleaning up my mails, my total unread mails were about to breach 10,000.  UNTIL recently WHEN I decided to UNSUBSCRIBE, albeit in a tedious, manual manner💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  As we live in a world of noise from cards, audios, buses, traffic, machines and chats of people all over the place, our minds are always tasked to be coping with lots of noise.  BUT experts tell us that we are NOT built for that situation BUT instead learn to live with it.  BUT at WHAT cost?  We start to even lose ourselves and then become prone to listening those noises.  So WHAT's the advised SMALL CHANGE for this?  Try sitting silently for 10 to 15 minutes daily and have that routine with the least disturbance for us to LIVE IN THE MOMENT.  Yes dude, there are one too many SMALL & SIMPLE CHANGES we can consider.  WHO knows we can hit paydirt even from SMALL & SIMPLE CHANGES😀😀😀

It's WHO You Are [And NOT What You Want]

 

Want accolades?  Then excel!  Want greatness? Then be great!  True, we all want something.  Success.  Love.  Peace.  Freedom.  Financials.  Name it.  Everyone of us have been chasing these things with all the energy we can muster.  Very laudable WHEN we write our goals, and even create vision boards, and speak our affirmations, OR even read the tons and tons of e-books, OR listen to those insightful TedTalks OR the popular podcasts.  GUESS WHAT happens next after all those?  Nada.  Nil.  Nichts.  And here's the paradox.  We are all entitled to want something with all our heart alongside our obsession and paradoxically, you can repel the same thing you've been chasing.  So, WHERE's the gaping hole there?  Hmmmp, allow me to quote this popular one-liner:  Life does NOT respond to WHAT we say you want BUT it still does respond and that's to WHAT YOU ARE💚💛💜

As one poem passage goes, WANTING IS PASSIVE whereas embodiment is active.  I did hear narratives wherein he repeated those affirmations every morning.  Greek Philosopher Aristotle was widely quoted:  THE VIRTUES ARE FORMED IN MAN BY HIS DOING HIS ACTIONS .  In layman's terms, a short time does NOT does NOT make us blessed❎❎❎

Across the numerous forked roads we would stumble across, much as we are focused towards our goal and our eventual destination. some of us would sometimes manifest skewed perspective about life.  THAT I'll cross the bridge WHEN I get there.  THAT with the goals we set to achieve, we tend to [sometimes wrongly] believe that we are that entitled to stand atop an exalted spot, way above the pack.  BUT embracing that eskewed mindset will, one day, push back other waylaid souls to the ground.  I CAN attest that by building up and investing on yourself, outcomes and results matter [and NOT our lofty goals because the harsh reality is that UNTIL and UNLESS you achieve those outcomes and results, everything still sums up to zero❎❎❎

Bottom line here is that WHAT matters most is the importance of of our inherent personality, our character and our values over those external factors like appearances or even those pricey or priceless possessions.  WHAT this means is that our true worth is found in being true to our own self and constantly developing our inner qualities.  Accepting WHO you are is at the very core of everything here.  And that includes accepting WHO you are.  And in a poetic manner, our identity resembles our shadows.  It changes its shape and it evolves.  BUT that's still ours.  Typically, WHEN we ask 'WHO ARE YOU?', the typical replies are his name and occupation.  BUT our own identity has multiple layers, some more superficial than others.  WHO you are is more than just your job OR gender.  And psychologists define our personal identity as that 'idosyncratic thing' that makes a person unique💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  These complex circumstances can't even get simplified with the quantum leap of social media and technology in our life.  And that social influence is like our very own shadow where it's always there though we DON'T notice it.  Few people choose their identities.  Instead, they simply internalize their family stories, the beliefs of their parents OR even the dominant culture WHICH shaped them up.  Truth is, we are both our personal traits and social influences rolled into one and WHAT stands out is WHO WE ARE [and NOT WHAT we want]😢😢😢

If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade!

 

Only a handful out of everyone is born either as a genius OR as a gifted artist OR a scion of the moguls.  On the same breadth, some are born with the potentials to be intellectually upright WHEREAS some are skilled enough like the blue-collar workers and handyman WHO can fix the wear and tear of various house accessories.  Oh YES, even at the workplace, let's be fair and realistic.  Not everyone can be tagged as part of the 'cream of the crop' OR a high flyer at that.  BUT you might throw back a challenge on me and ask, WHAT do we do with the cellar-dwellers, those WHO are on the lower-rung of the rat race we are all in?  Just like in those competitive sports, the lower performers are NOT disqualified OR made ineligible.  Instead, we all observe a level playing field and IF LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS, MAKE LEMONADE [out of it]!!!

Thing is, we can train our minds to always look at the things we do have, our blessings, our gifts and our abilities to make the most of our life.  True, everyone has a different idea of purpose and fulfillment.  Some would attach and peg it to their personal achievements, some to being well-rounded parents OR individuals and some even to their romantic relationships.  A lot of us also measure our milestones in terms of the miles and distance we have reached in our creative pursuits.  Then, there is the other type, those WHO belong to moments, NOT milestones❎❎❎

YES, I guess we can reach a common ground here if I opine that we can say there is NO right OR wrong WAY to approaching life and WHATEVER keeps us motivated to take every day in our stride is quite good enough.  YES indeed, we are all chasing something that may seem elusive WHICH we think will make us happier, better, richer, and so on.  That is the very act of living life, for us to keep going NO matter WHAT.  YET, somehow sometimes, we refrain OR procrastinate from taking the next step💥💥💥

In the end, many times we tend to end up focusing on the resources we do NOT have at our disposal [and that's regrettable].  A typical scenario here is we find our own self in a job that we DON'T really particularly enjoy BUT you just CAN'T leave it for pecuniary considerations OR otherwise.  So, the question is, do we just plunge into hopelessness around your career?  Of course NO.  You find the little things in the job that you can agree with and start from there😊😊😊

Our takeaway:  HAPPINESS itself is really NOT that elusive.  It could be just a phone call to your mom OR dad away.  Truly, before plunging into WHAT you do NOT have, we got to learn to see the world we have created in all its glory and access the best of it.  And gratitude is a powerful virtue to have, especially WHEN we want to steer our mind and heart towards positivity.   YES dude, IF LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS, MAKE LEMONADE out of it and be happy enough💚💛💜

Morning Matters Most

 

Let's do a random sampling.  For many entrepreneurs, the most important time of the day would likely be lunchtime WHEN they will meet up with business partners OR they're itching to close a new sales deal.  Heard of those Martini lunches [especially @Wall Street].  For most folks @workplace, probably their most important time of the day is that LAST LAP, that last hour OR so of their workday WHERE you would NOT hear any side chats [oh oh, because maybe that LAST LAP really triggerst our last adrenaline shot for the day?].  BUT alas, you are all wrong.  Experts tell us that the most important time of our day is WHEN we wake up, WHEN we start things off.  Unfortunately, many of us start our day in a frantic scramble to get kids to school, rushing for work, leaving us stressed and unprepared for the day ahead.  WHAT is NOT known to many of us is the effect of the alarm clock's loud ringing😡😡😡 

Studies showed that waking up to a loud alarm can trigger our body's FIGHT-or-FLIGHT response, thus hindering our own productivity for that day [and worse, even our well-being].  Instead, we are counselled to try a gentler approach, like using a sunrise alarm clock that gradually lights your room OR sets your phone to a soft, calming sound.  And if possible, leave the curtains slightly open to let natural light wake you.  Experts tell us that this method helps your body transition smoothly from sleep and over to wakefulness, thus reducing that morning 'groginess' and setting a calm tone for the day.  Compare it with waking up, then waking up your kids with a loud voice OR haranguing them with those incessant warnings LIKE "YOU'LL BE LATE AGAIN" blah blah blah, then unconsciously, you're setting up the tone of your day, impacting a big chunk of the tasks and activities you'll be doing the rest of the day.  Talking about that FIRST MISSTEP!@#$%?

Rather than reinvent the wheel, let's hear WHAT experts say:

• PRACTICE MINDFUL BREATHING - LIKE taking a moment to focus on breathing, with eyes closed, take five deep, slow breaths, feeling a sensation of air entering/leaving your body
• CULTIVATE GRATITUDE - I heard this zillion times.  Once we wake up, silently thank that you WOKE UP for another day, being grateful on the positive aspects of your life
• LIMIT TECHNOLOGY USE - Avoid [LISTEN I'm screaming] checking your phone first thing in the morning to prevent distractions [and STRESS - I'm screaming again now].  If you're using it as an alarm, switch it to AIRPLANE MODE

Talking straight from all my share of travails & tribulations, I WON'T forget the multiple times I [WRONGLY] started my day, manifesting all the NO-NOs we're now pitching.  LIKE grabbing my smartphone even before freshening up.  Imagine, I'll deep dive into my messages via SMS, WhatsApp and Viber.  Just those bulk of messages sent to me [over the previous night] leads me to be in that frenzied state.  Imagine the severity levels of my state at the very first few minutes of my day, reading alerts of workplace incidents & issues [BTW that tapers off maybe sometime Christmas time, huhuhu], follow throughs and those endless Calendar reminders from Teams, Zoom, Google Meet, Calendly, name it, there you go😡😡😡

Our takeaway:  That old quote "WHAT YOU SOW IS WHAT YOU REAP" rings so loud over and over again because that's NO different from our thread today.  Similarly in the NBA hoops world, bench tacticians would always and tirelessly cascade to the players for them to DICTATE THE TEMPO right when the game buzzer starts off.  And WHEN they pile up significant leads early, it leaves their opponent huffing and puffing the rest of the game.  YES dude, MORNING MATTERS MOST [because you DON'T want to be huffing & puffing the rest of the day, right dude😁😁😁

How's Our Self-Discipline Going...

 

Few years back, I gave a friend a heads-up that my next blog thread will be about SELF-DISCIPLINE.  BUT I ended up aghast with his reaction WHEN he retorted, 'WHAT A BORING TOPIC".  Today, I stand on my feet and I'll insist to push this as our thread at least for today because I feel this permeates and spans multiple facets and phases of our life.  In short, it is baseless and unreasonable for me to throw this topic under the bus for now📗📙📘

Frankly, one of the most important life skills we got to develop [especially for those just about to scratch the surface] is our SELF-DISCLINE skills.  YES, it sounds like a superpower.  Years back WHEN my life was kind of topsy-turvy, I started to take SELF-DISCIPLINE on a serious note.  LIKE HOW?  I started to read more and work earlier.  YES, I did declutter and transformed my awful finances then💥💥💥

Today, I'm far from perfect [and NO WAY did I ever dream crazily to be perfect because that will NEVER be]  BUT the stark difference is that I did learn a hell lot.  And here's the thing.  If we DON'T develop that SELF-DISCPLINE, it will likely trigger and cause problems to arise.  Name it.  Health problems, distraction, procrastination, financial problems, clutter, things piling up and overwhelming you, name it and this goes on and on💚💛💜

YES, it's an important skill to develop BUT most people DON'T know WHERE to start.  SO HOW?  NOT to reinvent things, I did read from experts that STEP Numero Uno is FINDING MOTIVATION.  HOW do we even get motivated in the first place?  Most of us DON'T even want to think about our lack of discipline, let alone take a bunch of actions.  For me, MOTIVATION came from realizing that WHAT I was doing WASN'T working❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  One confession I can share now is that initially, my trying to be disciplined, I was doing it "HALF-ASSEDLY" and that resulted in me feeling bad about myself.  Being wholly undisciplined was causing me pain way beyond I thought.  And WHEN I realized that I was then totally off-track, I realized that WHILE I will be threading a long road to trek, let me take the first small steps towards reinforcing my SELF-DISCIPLINE😌😌😌

Everything Starts By Being INTENTIONAL

 

Everything Starts By Being INTENTIONAL.  Dating. Walking.  Working out.  Watching a movie at home.  Shopping.  Meal prepping.  Even playing trivia.  Making coffee.  Consuming alcohol.  Journalling.  Even scrolling endlessly & tirelessly in social media.  All these have one thing in common.  They are all INTENTIONAL.  Hardly an accident OR a random thing suddenly popping up.  On the other hand, these days, think of how natural it is to pick up your phone WHEN we're bored.  Alas, in this world we live now, we tend to live in our heads and go on autopilot, WHICH is perfectly ok and natural BUT that 'INTENTIONALITY' gets us out of that and into our own present moment.  In fact, being INTENTIONAL is the most known open secret in our everyday lives

Verily true, these days, you CAN'T scroll on Twitter or TikTok without being spammed with 'INTENTIONAL LIVING posts.  LIKE, yeah we all want to live full, productive and meaningful lives BUT HOW does being INTENTIONAL help us reach our own goals, OR better still, WHAT does being INTENTIONAL really mean to us?  YES, being INTENTIONAL means living with purpose and making deliberate choices that align with our values and goals.  As the psychologists say, it's all about being 'MINDFUL' a.k.a. 'self-aware'.  True, this is easier said than done as practising INTENTIONALITY sounds easy.  And to some extent it is BUT many times, it's NOT that easy as things get complicated and sometimes convoluted WHEN various variables are added in a very fluid equation.  Dilemma, there is NO concrete equation like it is in mathematics, right???

Let's think of INTENTIONALITY as being in the driver's seat of our life.  WHICH means, we're in control of our own self and even our destination.  And WHEN we live INTENTIONALLY, we would then very clearly understand WHAT we want to achieve and including the underlying reasons as to WHY we're going for it.  In the simplest layman's words, instead of just reacting OR making quick, random or impulsive choices OR decisions, we would take time and exert effort to think carefully and choose the actions that would match our goals and even values.  That's WHY often we would hear decision-makers preaching that they need to come up with an INFORMED decision😀😀😀

SO HOW can be INTENTIONAL in life?  WHILE it is all fine and dandy to know the benefits of being INTENTIONAL, that alone DOESN'T translate to actions.  Looking back, at some point, I did realize that I was NOT that INTENTIONAL enough on a consistent basis.  NOT until WHEN I grabbed my journal and started off my planning from thereof.  Oh, I almost missed out one key lesson I learned.  That's setting boundaries that are firm and consistent enough.  That enabled me to apportion my time and efforts only for the pursuits that were part of my INTENTIONALITY💧💧💧

Our takeaway:  BTW, let us NOT miss out being INTENTIONAL in our relationships because INTENTIONALITY is NOT limited to one self.  It cuts across relationships, regardless if it's familial, work, business OR romantic ones.  And I recall one expert preaching that one can be more INTENTIONAL in relationships by focusing on WHAT types of relationships work best for you, HOW much time we wish to spend with others, and recognize that sometimes it is best to leave a relationship of any kind if it has run its course and you've outgrown it.  In a nutshell, to be INTENTIONAL is all-encompassing at it permeates our various facets in life.  YES dude, EVERYTHING STARTS BY BEING INTENTIONAL💥💥💥

That 5-hour Rule

 

There are so many shared commonalities between Warren Buffett, Elon Musk and many more moguls and one that stands out of late is their adoption of the 5-hour rule.  NO matter how busy these moguls are, they NEVER cease learning, they NEVER stop learning NO MATTER HOW busy they may be.  BUT before you balk on that 5-hour rule, it's NOT spending 5-hours per day on something.  Instead, it's spending an hour a day, five days a week, focused solely on LEARNING📗📙📘

Before I get suspected for being in cahoots with BLINKIST, it being an apps [WHICH is free only on trial basis], allow me to qualify that BLINKIST is NOT the only platform for us to try pursuing that 5-hour rule.  There are tons and tons of FREE learning apps and platforms.  BUT again, those WON'T be delivered on your very door steps by UPS or DHL.  You got to have that hunger and thirst for LEARNING dude💥💥💥

Let's touch a bit on the anatomy of a day.  As there are 24 hours in a day [OR 1,440 minutes] and the average person sleeps around eight hours a day [with the Dutch sleeping the most and the Singaporeans the least].  That leaves us 16 waking hours left to spend.  We need to subtract the seven to eight hours a day during WHICH most people work though those sleepy Dutch work a bit less.  So, we're down to nine remaining hours.  Much of those nine hours are taken up by life 'admin' tasks and of course eating /drinking.  Of course there are massive cultural differences lurking in that category❎❎❎

YES, most of us have at least a few hours to do with WHAT they want.  And for some, those hours are wasted away on non-work related phone worship.  BUT these are NOT the people WHO will become the entrepreneurs, innovators and success stories in the future.  The recent past decades, we have heard Elon Musk, Oprah Winfrey and Bill Gates all employing that 5-hour rule.  The idea here is that devoting an hour of your day to learning and education, improving one's skills💚💛💜

Our takeaway:  SO HOW?  Even accepting the wisdom in the 5-hour rule, it can still come over as daunting.  After a long day, with tired eyes and a throbbing headache, most of us will reach for our smart phone.  SO, let's learn however we can.  Reading print on a book is one way of learning BUT it's NOT the only way.  In fact, if you DON'T enjoy reading that much, it's likely you'll learn less from it anyway.  Today, podcasts and audiobooks are great ways to spend your hour [as part of the 5-hour rule].  WHAT's more, the internet is full of educational, entertaining and enlightening articles].  Dude, bettering yourself is NOT a tough task😁😁😁

Lebron James: Nothing Is Given. Everything Is Earned.

 

Quoting purported NBA GOAT Lebron James, NOTHING IS GIVEN.  EVERYTHING IS EARNED.  SERIOUSLY.  NOTE:  I am crediting Lebron James for this one-liner because he has filed his I.P. rights with the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office.  Regardless, you might wonder, WHY is this our thread today?  Blame it on all those freebies in life with almost every enterprise peddling and offering all forms and shapes of 'CARROTS' to entice people and get their attention, for them to succumb to their hitherto subtle intentions.  Everywhere we will hear various tricks to inveigle and lure people for various subtle agenda.  LIKE offering a SIGNUP BONUS for a job offer.  LIKE eGC's if you SIGNUP for a credit card offering.  LIKE 50% off the price of the 3rd piece of a product [if you bought 2 previous pieces at its full price].  LIKE bank car loan offerings highlighting that the first amortization payment will take effect 90 days later. WOW, one too many 'CARROTS' BUT can we agree that EVERYTHING IS EARNED in life???

All these tricks to lure us [triggered by various hidden agenda], we got to realize that at the end of the day, EVERYTHING IS EARNED, nothing AS IN nothing is really free in life.  NOT the job promotion you received.  NOT your salary adjustment.  NOT the rewards points you're redeeming for your grocery OR gasoline expenses.  On the other hand, some of life's most valuable achievements can only be earned through intense effort, perseverance and tons and tons of sacrifices.  This concept, often encapsulated in the phrase 'BLOOD & SWEAT' speaks to that deep-seated human understanding that true accomplishment often comes at a significant personal cost.  BTW, 'BLOOD & SWEAT' should NOT be taken literally BUT instead, this vivid metaphor represents the extreme effort, dedication and often discomfort required to achieve certain goals💥💥💥

To EARN things, this is all about pushing beyond our comfort zones, facing our fears, and persisting even in the face of all kinds of adversity.  We DON'T need to be hard pressed to find tons and tons of role models and the field of competive sports is one of the most relatable sources of success stories.  Through the years, African runners have lorded it over the even playing field.  BUT WHAT's in their bag of tricks?  They confide that their training programs even span more than a decade of high volume trainings, high altitude exposures, high intensity training regimen, incorporating long runs with hill repeats, and trainings on all kinds of terrains, WHICH in Africa they termed as soft and dirt roads.  By the time they capture the gold medal in the Olympics, that is NOT just a result of their talent BUT of years of gruelling training, strict diets, early morning rises and even sacrificed social lives💚💛💜

If we break out the BLOOD & SWEAT, the BLOOD might represent the physical toll on their bodies, the injuries they endured and even the limits pushed way and beyond.  WHILE the SWEAT symbolizes those countless hours of practice, their mental fortitude required to keep them going WHEN any of their muscles would ache, and that sheer determination to improve day after day after day.  Oh yes, I always believed that there is a reason WHY achievements gained through intense effort are often more satisfying than those that come easily, sometimes 'served on a silver platter' as psychologically, we tend to value things more WHEN we've had to work hard for them✅✅✅

Our takeaway:  Psychologists have coined this as that EFFORT JUSTIFICATION which suggests that the more effort we put into something, the more we come to value it.  Moreover, that process of working hard towards a goal builds character, resilience, and even develop skills that often times extend far and way beyond the very achievement itself.  The discipline learned in training for marathons for one, can translate into greater focus.  YES dude, to quote the GOAT, NOTHING IS GIVEN.  EVERYTHING IS EARNED😀😀😀

WHAT IF We Shove Our Phone?

 

WHAT IF we shove our phone away [EXCEPT of course if you are at work and that phone is required]?  Way back 1654, philospher Blaise Pascal was quoted:  ALL OF HUMANITY's PROBLEMS STEM FROM MAN'S INABILITY TO SIT QUIETLY IN A ROOM ALONE.  In iPhone's SCREEN TIME, it showed that my typical daily phone activity includes ninety minutes of texting, one hour of reading, another hour of emails, another hour of social media and about seventy 'PICKUPs', meaning that I checked my iPhone about four times per hour.  BUT that's least a surprise because I carry my iPhone around with me AS IF it were my oxygen tank, whoaaaaH!  Even during my idle times, I realized I do stare at my phone📗📙📘

And WHEN that Covid-19 Pandemic did hit us, I realized that many of us really cherished working from home because it gave us that sense of control, that sort of relative peace, as long as our phone was next to us.  A recent Georgetown research said that those 'WILLPOWER' and tips [and even add our very vague resolutions] are NOT just suffcient by themselves to tame the ability of these new technologies to invade our cognitive landscape.  Instead, we are advised to establish that 'philosophy of technology use'💥💥💥

Experts are seemingly giving us quite extreme countermeasures like a month-long detox, like a 'decluttering period' in WHICH a person takes a complete break from all optional technologies.   And WHEN it's over, the digital minimalist slowly reintroduces the technologies on his/her own terms, like you might still need an hour with Instagram each week.  And for our interactions and collaborations with friends and colleagues, let's consider those 'conversation time' at the local coffee shop💚💛💜

So, these recent studies are indeed pushing us to consider becoming digital minimalists, one WHO drops those 'low quality' activities like mindless phone swiping and halfhearted binge watching in favor of HIGH-VALUE leisure activities like board games and learning to fix OR build something every week.  Our end goal here is to establish that permanent change of outlook and behavior [LIKE converting to veganism]. I met someone WHO was so dependent on his Apple watch for donkey years and I was kind of shocked recently WHEN he confided that he recently bought a 'BASIC' watch!!!

Our takeaway:  In case some are NOT aware, those social media companies monetize everyday selfhood like our own preferences and even our personal data are tracked [and SOLD!] to advertisers.  Our relationships are framed as potentially future conduits of their commercial opportunities and here we are, continually capturing one another's lucrative attention by performing some version of WHO we think we are and over time, we seem to have absorbed these seemingly unpalatable TERMS & CONDITIONS.  BUT to quote American writer Jenny Odell, NOTHING IS HARDER THAN TO DO NOTHING.  So dude, will you consider 'shoving your phone' to manage your screen time???

Let's Clear Our Own Eyes FIRST [Before Setting Our Sights Somewhere Else]!

 

Pasting EN TOTO from Quora.com posted by Darby Kozey.  A man moved into a new house with his wife.  In the morning, while they were both having breakfast, the wife looked out the window and saw her neighbor's clothes drying in the garden. She said in surprise:  "Look, our neighbor's washed clothes are not clean at all! She probably doesn't know how to wash clothes properly." She repeated this comment every time the neighbor washed her clothes and hung them outside to dry📗📙📘

About a month passed, and one day the wife was surprised to see that the neighbor's washed clothes were shiny and spotless.   She said happily: "Finally, our neighbor has learned to wash clothes properly!"  The husband smiled and said: "No, this morning I cleaned the window through which you look outside!"  Then he said gently:  "We should clear our own eyes before we see the flaws in others, because most of the time the problem is in our own eyes, not in others."💥💥💥

People who constantly point out deficiencies in their partners and other intimates tend to fancy themselves as problem free, as sort of the unofficial therapists of the situation who are only trying to help. What they fail to recognize is that they have big unaddressed problems too and that focusing on the other is an unconscious defense mechanism put into place precisely to take the attention away from the threatening aspects of their own life situations.  Constantly pointing out deficiencies in others is an abusive power play that masquerades as genuine concern. But it’s actually about shifting the focus and with it the responsibility for problems in relationship systems❎❎❎

By acting as the judge, the jury, the godlike figure, the therapist, etc., these critical people make themselves invisible players in those underlying relationship dynamics. And they make themselves the arbiters of ethics and morality, the arbiters of which behaviors are functional and which are dysfunctional, which are normal and which are abnormal, which are acceptable and which are unacceptable.  The truth is that in any normal, healthy human relationship both people recognize and try to work on their own deficiencies because they accept themselves as real, flawed human beings😢😢😢

Our takeaway:  It is obviously true that when someone is always pointing the finger it’s easy to fall under the spell and take on too much responsibility for problems so it’s useful to remember that pointing that finger serves the important purpose of going on the offensive and staying on the offensive so that no one has the chance to focus any time or attention on the deficiencies of the person behind the finger.  Of course they work towards being the best people they can be and try to help those they care about be the best people they can be but part of that attitude is greater tolerance.  Dude, LET'S CLEAR OUR OWN EYES FIRST before setting our sight somewhere else😡😡😡