Are You A 'FLASH IN THE PAN'?

Are You A 'FLASH IN THE PAN'?  Better be NOT.  For alignment, let's do a lookup with Mr Google's definition as it describes something that was successful for a short time BUT was NOT repeated.  Swinging back to our own lives, you may NOT be guilty of being that FLASH IN THE PAN but probably you did witness various manifestations in life.  LIKE at work, a mediocre worker showing off his productivity and efficiency just once BUT going back to mediocrity the rest of the way.  OR someone WHO seems inconsiderate and insensitive in a relationship but had a FLASH IN THE PAN once when he manifested that one-off softness BUT that was all.  OR it could be you being so wasteful of your time except once WHEN your time management was superb📗📙📘

To be fair, more often than NOT, manifestations of that FLASH IN THE PAN is unintentional.  Likely, it's NOT even premeditated.  It is NOT WHAT we do once in a while that shapes our lives BUT WHAT we do consistently.  Many of us are able to set goals and create a plan of action to achieve them.  Some of us also start taking actions based on the blueprint of the action plan.  However, many of us will stop after quite sometimes.  For various reasons, things decelerate💧💧💧

Sounds familiar, ISN'T it?  For instance, I could decide to lose weight.  Then I choose to get up early, go for a walk every morning, exercise and start eating healthy.  I may even begin these activities BUT then something happens and I am NOT able to continue.  Maybe, I get busy OR something important comes up OR I simply lose interest.  I may start with the whole cycle all over again till the time I again remember to do it❎❎❎

That should make us all realize, CONSISTENCY is really that important.  In order to achieve the desired weight, I need to exercise regularly and NOT once in a  blue moon.  This is more so true for almost every other goal OR outcome we wish to achieve in life.  Doing something consistently and NOT just WHEN you feel inspired and motivated to do it becomes extremely important.  You might have heard that famous Hare and Tortoise story where the hare could NOT win, having a lead on the tortoise.  On the other hand, the tortoise with his persistence and consistency, carried on and gave his best.  Imagine if tortoise would have stopped in the middle without finishing the race.  WHAT helped the tortoise win the race😋😋😋

Our takeaway:  CONSISTENCY is the formula for us to be focusing on every task at hand without losing focus of our long-term vision.  WHEN we do something regularly, we get feedback.  That feedback will help us to change course OR at least tweak OR fine-tune things to improve.  In other words, CONSISTENCY is therefore all about repetition.  It's about repeating the same actions [and that includes our habits and rituals] over and over again, gaining feedback from these actions and adjusting them accordingly to help us stay on track as we thread along our journey.  In this case, we DON'T need to be a FLASH IN THE PAN dude!@#$%?

Those SECOND CHANCES!

Those SECOND CHANCES!

NOT really a boring one BUT I remember that Christmas Carol movie of Scrooge wherein he gets a SECOND CHANCE and gets to see HOW he blew his chances WHEN he was young and HOW he'll die a lonely death if he keeps going the way he is.  And then he gets converted by his SECOND CHANCE experience and only learn his lessons that the ONLY really important things in life are family and community.  Those SECOND CHANCES📗📙📘

YES, indeed, SECOND CHANCE stories are an interesting phenomenon.  To the best of my recall [and even my knowledge], per se, no one gets a SECOND CHANCE in life because in truth and in fact, that DOESN'T happen.  Once we fail OR fall flat for one singular chance, that chance will NEVER be replicated.  There could be semblances WHEN a new chance arises BUT that is a different chance altogether💥💥💥

BUT let me qualify things here.  Sometimes, a next chance that comes may indeed be unique BUT in some ways would approximate an earlier chance we either missed OR flopped.  WHEN we're given that ANOTHER CHANCE, whether it is at work, in life OR in love, you may promise yourself that you'll do better BUT to forewarn you, it may be likely hard to maintain the motivation and momentum we want to happen✅✅✅

YES, in real life, you thought you lost your love BUT you DIDN'T.  OR you thought you'd get terminated at work BUT instead you were given another chance.  OR you had a biopsy and it was benign.  At that moment of reprieve, you're likely to think, even if you're an atheist, thank GOD!  And then you promise yourself that you're going to do better, be kinder, be tougher, OR work harder OR less hard, live healthier OR simply give yourself a break before burnout happens😊😊😊

Our takeaway:  The issue here [over and over again] has been this.  HOW do we sustain motivation?  YES, how about making a modest resolution.  DON'T declare to lose 20 pounds OR be a more romantic partner OR become the outstanding employee you want to be OR amass yourself with wealth!@#$%? Instead, temper your goals and anytime you can UP THE TEMPO if the stars start to align again. Meanwhile, develop that gratitude for your reprieve especially if it was something serious, you doubtless will feel grateful.  THOSE SECOND CHANCES❗❗❗ 

Transactional Versus Transcendental Relationships

Transactional Versus Transcendental Relationships

YES, this is a no-brainer as we all know WHEN a stuff is tagged as TRANSACTIONAL.  Kind of a one-off thing.  And I'll safely guess that most of us will be inclined to admit that their relationships with friends and relatives [and that includes family members] are Transcendental, WHICH Mr Google defines as that connection that is beyond the normal range of physical human experience, something that goes deeper than just touch or sound.  NOW, let's rethink things over.  HOW cocksure are we that all our relationships NOW which we deem as TRANSCENDENTAL are indeed TRANSCENDENTAL???

A minor mix-up here is that we tend to codify things as simply either black OR white.  While indeed that those stuff we get involved in the groceries and supermarkets are of course transactional, we tend to lump all our other relationships [with work colleagues, business associates and ALL OTHER relatives as TRANSCENDENTAL].  WHICH is intrinsically flawed because those most of those relationships at work or business are purely coincidental, i.e. you happen to relate to that colleague because either of work OR business and NOT because of something deeper.  In brief, those relationships are superficial enough, hence they should be tagged as TRANSACTIONAL as well💧💧💧

WHEREAS, everyone agrees that WHEN a relationship becomes either OR potentially TRANSCENDENTAL, it will be work OR a work-in-progress towards achieving a mutual goal that is deeply rooted and this is where love as a variable gets into the equation.  What sets apart TRANSCENDENTAL relationships is that at its infancy stage, WHICH psychologists frame around the first two years, the relationship becomes easy and almost effortless✅✅✅

And WHEN that first two [to even three] years would lapse, kaboom, that's WHEN things start to pick up and become dicey.  Those are the times WHEN partners will have to rethink things over and YES, this is one of the hardest pills to swallow for many.  Even as a layman, many times I did hear people complain that love should be that easy and IF it is hard, it probably is NOT healthy OR the partner may NOT be the correct person for him or her❌❌❌

Our takeaway:  It should be NOT difficult for us to have a consensus that in a big chunk of our journey in life, more often than NOT, even such TRANSCENDENTAL relationships are a work-in-progress.  WHAT we often miss out here is that there is that existing 'battle' between one's desire to provide agape love and yet make sure one's ego needs are met at the same time.  Call it love's tug of war BUT for brevity here, let us NOT mix up TRANSACTIONAL versus TRANSCENDENTAL relationships because the latter is something you do for someone else, NOT something you do for yourself😌😌😌

Your 'FULL CIRCLE' Moments

How's your share of Your 'FULL CIRCLE' Moments.  Surely you had handful of it through the years.  Oh YES, everyone says that life is a journey and if I may add, it's a journey passing through peaks and valleys.  PEAKS that can drown you with the exhilarating views and that oh-so-good feeling being up there atop everything else.  Then one day, you're down there deep amidst the VALLEYS, that sort of basin that can impact everything else WHEN waters turn to floods that will turn it no less like another immense sheet of waters.  And in between the PEAKS and VALLEYS, it's no-man's land because you could either savor the best things you wanted in life OR simply struggle beneath that wrath of misfortune😗😗😗

So, you might wonder, WHAT really is a FULL CIRCLE thing?  Fact is, there is no one correct answer to it because it depends in its entirety to the person going through that experience.  We could even hear a hodge-podge of coinage like an AHA MOMENT, a DEFINING MOMENT OR even a CATALYST.  Trueness, each of these coinages can impart a different meaning as well and that's one of the great things about FULL CIRCLE moments as they are distinctively unique to each of us.  For a plurality, it's all about faith, providence and divine inspiration WHILE others take a psychological point of view, accepting such circumstances as a sort of natural progression of human growth.  Some even see it as merely a coincidental intersection in life💥💥💥

It's so true as well that people WHO experience the phenomenon often gain deep meaning that can endure through the years OR even a lifetime.  A sampling of such snippets.  Someone born and raised in poverty rises up to achieve unprecedented successes in life UNTIL one day, he loses everything in life except himself.  BUT sometimes it may NOT be these extremes though.  A FULL CIRCLE moment can also be something far less like simply listening an old song from our youth and it sparks nostalgia.  YES, there can be power in nostalgia in remembering the ways we have been loved and supported in the past.  It can fuel us and remind us that good friends can be had💚💛💜

From a positive perspective, FULL CIRCLE moments are beautiful, NOT because of WHAT was BUT because they us WHAT is.  HOW many stories have we heard someone growing up in the countryside, just another typical lad until he takes on the challenge to explore urban life and find for challenges bundled with opportunities.  UNTIL he goes on a streak of successes, lording it all over the field.  UNTIL towards the sunset of his career, everything he got was gone.  And at times, it's a case of TOO LITTLE TOO LATE when we humans are so immersed with the best things in life, NOT realizing that things are gradually dwindling akin to quicksilver fast slipping through our fingers.  And one day, you would realize you have to pack up your stuff because your BEST [and likely ONLY] option left is to go back to the countryside for good😖😖😖

Our takeaway:  We've got nothing to lose if we endeavor to [constantly] keep both our feet on the ground, remaining as close as possible to reality.  And WHILE it's human nature to get immersed IN THE MOMENT, it helps if we remain conscious to pick up those tidbits of lessons and realizations even IN THE MOMENT because we would never know as to WHEN will that IN THE MOMENT thing resurface back as one of our FULL CIRCLE moments❗❗❗

Anyone Looking For HAPPINESS?

Anyone Looking For HAPPINESS?

Show Of Hands, Anyone Looking For HAPPINESS?  I'm sure we'll have a mammoth crowd for that.  NOW for the catch-22 question.  HOW many have failed quite many times to find for that elusive HAPPINESS?  Surely we'll see a sea of hands for that.  BUT looking back, I realized that HAPPINESS is damn hard to capture for oneself especially if you're looking for it.  WHY?  Because, over and over again, psychologists do tell us NOT to look for it BUT instead, let's CREATE it.  Much as no one wants to be 'down' and feel 'down' everyday, truth is, it all starts each time we wakeup in the morning.  Wakeup thinking of all the arguments and hate that prevailed the previous day and I can guarantee you that that will carry over to your present day.  WHEREAS that elusive HAPPINESS is deep within you📗📙📘

YES, this sounds like a broken vinyl record, telling us NOT to bother searching for HAPPINESS.  Instead, be ready for it.  Be open to it.  And adopt the attitude that HAPPINESS can just be a heartbeat away even WHEN you're drowning in grief and/or misery.  It's like searching for specific attire in your closet BUT at first you were looking for a flashlight thinking it's gotta be here somewhere BUT it DIDN'T show up until two days later, only after you've forgotten about it and instead, you ended up on a hunt for double-AA batteries.  This is HOW it is with joy, with HAPPINESS.  If you go seeking for it, most likely you will find something else instead💥💥💥

Even though that pursuit of HAPPINESS is one of our most inalienable rights as an individual, it seems like a shallow and self-indulgent thing to be pursuing.  And to blunt about it, chasing after it is graceless and YES, it comes out as an embarrassingly poor use of one's time.  YES it's NEVER too late to change the tune we're singing.  Yes, HAPPINESS is a follower, long before Facebook was conceptualized💧💧💧

SO HOW?  Look for opportunities to create it as it lives deep inside you, waiting to be shared.  You may NOT be able to bask in it yourself at that moment BUT you can still grow it and give it away.  The real neat thing is WHEN you bring HAPPINESS to another it boomerangs back to you.  You end up feeling good, maybe even looking good.  And then friends stop bugging you about HOW you should go out and see someone and get 'anti-depressants'.  YES, been there, done that.  I know how it is to 'DELIVER' joy and HAPPINESS because I felt like I'm standing then on a hilltop in a gentle wind, looking across the horizon😋😋😋

Our takeaway:  By itself, HAPPINESS is NOT just about positive thinking BUT positive action and it is a skill that everyone can train and work on.  And to quote the experts, our brain is NOT always on our side WHEN it comes to creating HAPPINESS because as per their studies, about half of the time, our minds are wandering off thinking about other things.  Anyone Looking For HAPPINESS?  Rethink about it and get back on track dude❗❗❗

Those UNWRITTEN RULES!

YES, there are laws  and YES, there are those UNWRITTEN RULES!  And that includes those social cues and guidelines we'd all be better off by following.  BUT to set expectations, we are NOT overly ambitious to cover the whole nine yards.  At most, we'll just scratch the surface and I'll endeavor to turn our thread today quite light enough.  To break the ice, if I show you a picture on my phone, please DON'T swipe sideways📗📙📘

With social media all over the place, there's a mile-long list of UNWRITTEN RULES.  Another NO-NO, if someone is giving you a ride, be ready at the door before they get there.  WHY?  You DON'T want your host to be mistaken as your driver!  Now, this sounds funny but it's NOT.  Many times I've seen people talking on their phone in public and on speaker phone, with the phone just next to one's mouth.  Hey, WHY DON'T you just turn off the speaker???

Oh yes, DON'T irritate OR provoke people WHO handle or serve your food.  NOT to imply ill intentions BUT you never know WHAT happens next if you end up displeasing OR worse, offending someone.  In fact, I heard this long time back.  Besides people WHO do prepare your food, NEVER displease OR offend medical workers.  Again, NOT because I am implying on their ill intentions BUT again, remember, when you need medical help and/or attention, you just CAN'T taking unnecessary risk at the expense of your health💥💥💥

Oh, this one is quite sensitive.  WHEN a smile is missing on someone's face, DON'T tell them to smile.  You never know WHAT's going on in his/her life.  It could be something personal OR worse, something he's challenged.  Oh, in these times where customer experience and customer service tops the charts, NO matter how disgruntled you are, NEVER yell at that person WHO picked up your call as in NEVER❌❌❌

Our takeaway:  Oh Oh, for those free lunches, WHEN someone else is paying the bill, please DON'T order something quite pricey.  Instead, my rule-of-thumb is to go for the median price items, and oh YESSSSS, DON'T get dessert unless others are ordering it as well.  You DON'T want to end up as the ODD MAN OUT.  Thing is, WHEN breached, these UNWRITTEN RULES can turn a pleasant day upside down the next moment✅✅✅

Fighting Your Ego?

Per se, there should have been NO issue with our EGO as long as we're playing our cards right, right?  However, it is that SELF-DEFEATING EGO that's killing us.  So many researches have been done to dissect this issue and almost all experts a.k.a. SMEs sing in unison the same tune, i.e. that people indeed differ in their willingness and ability to step outside of their own perspective and understanding [and even managing] our own EGO is often the first thing we should MUST-DO.  BUT how's Fighting Your Ego???

To state things bluntly, experts state how to KILL EGO to KILL EVIL.   And they branched into Axiological Psychology as a new way of thinking.  Looking beyond ego and evil, it offers two strategies for spotting evil WAY BEFORE it finds you.  And the first one is, KILLING EGO TO KILL EVIL while the second strategy involves DEFINING GOOD.  For alignment, let's be clear we're limiting our discussion to self-EGO and defensive-EGO and more than that😌😌😌

Psychologists have long speculated about the nature of EGO and EVIL but few have ever discussed the relationship between them and none from the perspective of science.  Even scientists have been inclined to reject both concepts as obsolete because their surplus meaning makes them confusing.  Now, lets go slightly deeper here.  Cultural influences plus the need to upgrade 3R and 4R [consisting of reading, writing, arithmetic] makes killing EGO that challenging BUT the goal is worth the effort simply because achieving it stands as one of humankind's greatest hopes for the future.  NOW let's be realistic here.  Personhood OR self itself is too complex to be judged, measured OR even be given a report card [in hypothetical terms]💧💧💧

You might challenge me, WHAT'S THE FUSS here?  As one self or personhood is too complex to be judged, even doing so merely distorts the reality one's existence in ways that can enable acts of evil.  In our real day-to-day-life, HOW often did we witness EGOs becoming 'key players' [and impactful at that] in our relationships with our family, work mates and business associates?  HOW many relationships have soured all in the name of a damn EGO?  And HOW many frustrations looped in a vicious cycle because two immovable forces are in an impasse?  And HOW much wreak in life have we seen, no thanks to the bloated EGOs that have gone overboard???

Our takeaway:  Having said a mouthful, generally, people DON'T have the ill-intentions to wreak havoc on relationships all because of EGO.  BUT one fact we CAN'T run away is that if there is a guilty party once we've got that RUNAWAY EGO, it is our own self because we allow it to go berserk and run away?  Once our EGOs are unleased, it's doomsday, it's armageddon no less.  BUT nothing is lost though, ONLY if we can regain control and take reins of our runaway EGO.  UNLESS and UNTIL you have a tight rein of the bull by its horns, you'll be DEAD IN THE WATER, later if NOT sooner.  So, how's your FIGHTING YOUR EGO???

Instagram Versus Reality

Instagram Versus Reality

WHO has NOT heard of that [now almost aborted] mega-ambitious US$ 1.5 Trillion NEOM LINE CITY PROJECT of Saudi Arabia's most powerful figure, that's MBS [Prince Mohammed Bin Salman]?  So ambitious to an extent that one too many instagram pictures of the futuristic NEOM LINE CITY have overflowed all over the web the past 5 to 6 years.  BTW, recently, even it's CEO Nadhmi-al-Nasr resigned after 6 years on the hot seat. Another Instagram Versus Reality think???

YES, it's true, Instagram has lorded it over the web.  Anyone WHO wants to see the best shots, go IG.  And if I wanted to look that damn good, IG is my best platform.  BUT can we agree here that there is whole new baloney evolving out of IG and that's the fact that there is a huge difference, that gaping hole between Instagram Versus Reality and UNLESS we wake up from our deep slumber now and realize [and accept that huge gap], we could be living in a fantasy world💥💥💥

So, do you even like nature OR you just saw something beautiful behind WHILE waiting for your cab, took a selfie, and captioned yourself as a photographer-artist?  OR you wore some fit outfit, with an ambiguous background without even stepping out of your house, and you call it FITNESS GOALS!@#$%?  It's true we CAN'T deny the fact that many of us [and that includes moi] have done this as well.  And we are the least bothered in doing so because in the end, all that matters is HOW we appear to our IG audience.  We even DON'T mind repeating it perhaps with another theme like posing like celebrities and doing a makeover and posting a selfie with some random caption!@#$%?

Do we all do this just to build and live up to an 'IMAGE'???  True, as audiences, we are all vulnerable as we get carried away by IG posts, so overwhelmed and sing allellujah like 'OH WHAT A PERFECT PICTURE'.  Yes we're sometimes guilty of NOT even thinking a second before double-tapping it.  We might even blurt like, 'SHE'S SO PERFECT, LIKE HER LIFE'!@#?

Our takeaway:  This brings into question the reality behind the posts on IG.  YES, I get you, that's Gen Z.  We have let IG so much in our lives that we feel no perturbation in letting it distort our authenticity, because IG worthiness is all that matters!@$%?  WHEN a friend told me about the reality of some IG models, I was damn shocked to know the extent to WHICH they go through to look the way they do on IG.  And it's NOT just the IG models.  Many times, it is the general public WHO alter their reality so much, putting in a 'PERFECT IMAGE' of themselves to thrive in the mendacious IG world.  Dude, I am NOT here to bad-mouth IG but my $64 question is, will you go for INSTAGRAM or REALITY???

How's Your 'FIRST IMPRESSIONS'?

How's Your 'FIRST IMPRESSIONS'?

YES YES yo, this is something I did embrace for the longest time.  NOTHING beats this mantra, trust me.  So How's Your 'FIRST IMPRESSIONS'? HOW did you handle things when you had to defend your thesis dissertation in college?  HOW did you handle those nerve-wracking job interviews?  HOW did you handle it WHEN for the first time in your life, you had to speak in a public engagement with a mammoth audience?  HOW did you handle things WHEN you finally had the gumption to approach the 'girl of your dreams'???

Oh YES, I'm confident I DON'T need to sway and convince you that FIRST IMPRESSIONS are really long-lasting.  Any information about a person, from his/her physical attributes down to one's non-verbal and verbal behavior, and even the environment one inhabits, they all influence IMPRESSIONS and judgments.  And psychologists have repeatedly reaffirmed that FIRST IMPRESSIONS are that long-lasting as it can last for months and affect personal judgments even in the midst of contradictory evidence about the person💥💥💥

Without getting stuck with the technical insights from the psychologists, let's delve more on the surface as the most studied form of IMPRESSION in social cognition are our traits.  People tend to form split-second IMPRESSIONS with regard the others; presumably stable characteristics, such as trustworthiness and even competence.  They do this from others' facial appearances and simple behaviors, as an example, having observed a person taking an elevator up one floor, people may infer laziness❎❎❎

I myself, I always claimed [and I believe I have an above 90% hit rate] that WHEN I come across strangers for the very first time, if that person seems to be on the extremes, e.g. either too meek and nice versus someone WHO seems either ill-intentioned OR evil-like, I can discern that within the first one second.  YES, FIRST IMPRESSIONS are resistant to change.  BUT people will validate things just like that guy taking the elevator one floor up.  If it was a one-off and the remaining days, he takes the stairs, people will safely conclude that elevator thing was a one-off😌😌😌

Our takeaway:  WHEN forming FIRST IMPRESSIONS, we [and that includes moi] typically have to rely on limited and potentially misleading information about others.  BUT looking back my past job interviews WHEN I was still active in the job market, I can safely conclude that I'll credit FIRST IMPRESSIONS for having successfully hurdled those job interviews.  YES, drawing 'big' conclusions from such limited information can lead to poor decisions with broader implications.  Understanding the origins and consequences of FIRST IMPRESSIONS is the first step to addressing biases in those IMPRESSIONS.  Yes dude, HOW'S YOUR FIRST IMPRESSIONS???

Your Past, Present & Future

Your Past, Present & Future

I was and never a student of Chinese culture and philosophies BUT I admit this poster from Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu says it all as to how we deal with the Past, Present & Future.  YES, I do wonder HOW time affects our relationships to our very own selves, in growing forward, in looking backward, even in predictions and trajectories, in haunting doubts, and in the present mind spaces.  As each of us do hold so many complexities, possibilities and memories within us, this may be a really interesting [and relevant] perspective to wrap into our own, embedding it within us.  YES it's damn true, the PAST tends to hold us back, haunting us, and kind of hostaging us, till we realize we remain shackled till today???

So, HOW can we absolve our faults OR paths that led us to places we now wish to have avoided?  HOW can we now model to our PAST self that love, that mentorship and softness that we need?  Studies show that practicing tenderness to a PAST self can take many forms WHETHER it's writing letters to your past self, OR creating prayers OR wishes directed to your past self OR starting a diary addressing the past.  BUT the thing, let's forget if we're contemplating to reverse the time capsule🙏🙏🙏

WHEREAS in the present, we may be often critical and so demanding of our energy and our lives.  Think about HOW we talk and about ourself, BOTH our loud and even in your head.  Consider HOW we might change the way we address our own self in order to offer sweetness, encouragement OR even empowerment.  Let's think about our capacity to offer these things in other contexts, i.e. perhaps we offer to our peers, friends, family.  Let's compare the way we talk to and about them with the way we talk to OR about our own self.  HOW can we show that tenderness to our present self in a way that makes a room for forgiveness, flexibility and empowerment💥💥💥

MAYBE its all about starting a collection of loving reminders to our own self, OR maybe it's just softly challenging that critical voice in our head from time to time.  WHICH leads me to find some springboards for thought on HOW we can incorporate self love in the present.  Probably like writing a list of affirmations that resonate with us?  OR giving our own self time to rest, HOWEVER we need to do it.  WHETHER it is a short break during the day, an evening to yourself with NO expectations, OR a whole day off for relaxing and have that 'me-time' make time to center yourself in your own universe❗❗❗

Our takeaway:  If there is a variable that can easily throw a monkey wrench in our life, it's that FUTURE ahead, down the road.  In those FUTUREs, it is often tempting to put our ambitions, expectations and even worries in the folds along milestones like age OR anniversaries.  Think about HOW you set goals and deadlines for yourself and consider HOW those expectations you have for your FUTURE can lead you to those unnecessary anxieties.  WHY can't we step back and be IN THE MOMENT, dude???