Yes, Friendship Breakups Can Be That Bad

Yes, Friendship Breakups Can Be That Bad

Yes, Friendship Breakups Can Be That Bad.  We might think this is NOT worth to be our thread today BUT me thinks this discussion thread deserves as much space as relationships because in fact and in truth, I'm quite sure that there are more friendships than relationships all rolled into one.  And let us NOT belittle the consequence and ramifications of FRIENDSHIP BREAKUPs because it could be as impactful as worst case scenarios we dread📗📙📘

Numbers DON'T lie.  In the U.S. alone, a recent study showed that 86% of teenagers in the U.S. have experienced various levels of friendship breakups.  Though we tend to think of BAD breakups as the end of romantic relationships, losing a friend , especially one WHO has been close to you, can be just as hard.  Research into attachment can help us make sense of WHY a friendship breakup can be devastating💢💢💢

I remember, as children, our most important relationships are with our parents OR caregivers. BUT during adolescence this changes.  This part of our genetic design, readying us to grow up and build adult lives independent of our parents.  We shift the person we most trust, rely on, and seek intimate contact with, to someone WHO is a romantic partner OR even a best friend.  A bond with a friend, your companion, confidante and co-traveller through big changes as you enter adulthood can be stronger than any other bond💦💦💦

In particular, women in particular tend to discuss personal issues with friends more than they do with family.  HOW often do we hear that friends provide ongoing stability even WHEN romantic relationships might come and go.  Having a BEST FRIEND is an important part of our healthy development.  So, it's NO wonder that it can rock your world if things go wrong with that person.  It can be especially disorienting IF you DIDN'T see it coming.  Even recent researches show that the most common method of ending a FRIENDSHIP is by avoidance, NOT addressing the issues involved.  Indeed, this can be a shock and the feeling of being rejected can hurt as much as physical pain😖😖😖

WHAT befuddles me is WHY do FRIENDSHIPS breakup?  Studies show that the biggest reasons for FRIENDSHIPS ending in young adulthood are physical separation, making new friends which replace old ones, growing to dislike the friend and interference due to dating OR marriage.  Visually imagine that scenario where there are three people and you're in the middle between the guy courting you and your bestie.  WHEN you come to terms with the guy courting you, literally, you significantly orbit much closer to him, widening that gap and distance between you and your bestie.  BUT FRIENDSHIPS DON'T have to end over changes like this, if you can try to empathize with WHAT your friend is going through rather than judging them OR taking it personally💥💥💥

Fear, Uncertainty & Doubt [FUD]

Fear, Uncertainty & Doubt [FUD]

These days, the clouds are getting gloomier and the horizons out there are getting bleaker than bleak.  WHY?  Let's blame it on Fear, Uncertainty & Doubt [FUD].  Years back, the decentralized cryptocurrency now popularly called as the BITCOIN was lording it off way beyond and atop the financial market yet beyond the arms of regulators📗📙📘

As we move in our daily grinds, we might go through more rough patches and losses would often taken you aback, sometimes leaving you to question what are you here for.  In the real world, however, 'FUD' is considered part of a salesperson's toolbox.  Like, in bad faith, one can sow FEAR to a competitor [either in business OR in life] in order to 'win over' a prized plum.  On the other hand, FUD can be leveraged in good faith though💧💧💧

Problem is, FUD is being aggressively leveraged in social media.  Take along the millions of trolls WHERE people and organizations WHO fear the inevitable devaluation OR demise of their own competing investments, knowledge, reputation OR expertise.  As FUD attempts to persuade current and prospective customers of the superiority of a product by promoting false and more often ambiguous and unverified claims about a similar product or service offered by another entity OR organization❗❗❗

WHAT becomes quite disgusting is WHEN FUD is leveraged with an ill intent.  WHY besmirch or destroy the reputation of another person just to serve your self-centered ill intentions?  I did come across unfortunate instances within and between peer groups where one party would pull you towards them and detach you farther away from another 'option'💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  NOT everything in life is dainty and pure.  In the real world, both bad faith and ill intentions do exist, unfortunately.  PERCEPTIONs are the common target with the unfortunate intention of distorting or even 'REWRITING' the truth, the real score.  It all boils down to our own 'judgment call' in validating such information instead of accepting things hook, line and sinker.  BUT let us NOT lose sight of the fact that FUD is very much within our control, regardless if somethings borders on FEAR, UNCERTAINTY Or DOUBT❎❎❎

Patience Helps, Seriously.

Patience Helps, Seriously.

I live in a metropolis WHERE its traffic gridlock is part and parcel of daily life for 363 days a year.  That exempts 2 days per year because there are 2 bank holidays WHERE at least 50% of the metro population is out there in the countryside.  Other than those 2 bank holidays, you need to have that embedded Patience if you need to step out of your home and drive out in the streets.  That explains WHY this morning, I had to set my alarm clock to wake me up @430am because I need to drive out today💥💥💥

BUT seriously, the issue of PATIENCE gets into the  picture happens especially WHEN we end up asking ourselves these questions:

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH MY LIFE?

WHAT REALLY MATTERS TO ME?

HOW WILL I LEAVE MY MARK?

These questions can fill us with hope, inspiration and direction WHEN we have some sense of WHAT the answers may be.  And IF we DON'T, they can fill us with confusion, frustration, name it, even irritation💧💧💧

Leading a life with PURPOSE or making an enduring commitment to contributing to the broader world in personally meaningful ways, is associated with a range of benefits including better physical health, enhanced psychological well-being, superior academic achievement, and enriched social connections.  Challenge is, before young people can identify a PURPOSE, they need to engage in a process of self-exploration📘📙📗

Experts tell us that searching for a PURPOSE in life is NOT often studied BUT WHEN it has been, psychologists found it to be a source of stress and anxiety, especially WHEN it feels like everyone else has all it figured out.  This is when PATIENCE and PURPOSE go hand in hand.  As PATIENCE is the ability to stay actively engaged in working toward a goal without become frustrated, patiently pursuing PURPOSE does NOT mean sitting and waiting at all💦💦💦

Our takeaway:  Listening from the tons of stories when PATIENCE pops-up as part of the equation, it means engaging in the personal reflection and intentional conversations that help us figure out HOW we want to contribute to the broader world without feeling rushed OR hurried.  Accepting that the search is a long-term endeavor can help us cultivate our purpose in a more efficient and growth-supporting way.  In fact, experts tell us that practicing PATIENCE may lead us towards a better search of our PURPOSE💙💛💚

Going Against The Odds

Going Against The Odds

I believe this is a GIVEN.  Before you make a choice, you usually evaluate the odds.  As any rational thinking person, no one would be willing to do something if the chance of succeeding will be low.  Otherwise, that's Going Against The Odds.  Truth is, however, it's all about HOW you perceive your likelihood of success.  So, ironically, if you want to be successful, you need to be Going Against The Odds.  WHY?  Because, it is a GIVEN that success rarely comes without any challenges OR hurdles📗📙📘

So, probably, the question we're staring right now is HOW to succeed when we're Going Against The Odds.  Through the years, I would come across individuals WHO rose from anonymity and the depths of despair to become a scion of success and inspiration.  These people would eventually succeed WHEN the odds are stacked against them WHEN the CHIPS ARE DOWN and all seem lost.  Of course this is an optimistic view of things because this kind of success is sweeter than anything else💦💦💦

So, HOW often when we're Going Against The Odds, we would sometimes GIVE UP [sometimes so easily].  YES, people GIVE UP so easily WHEN the going gets tough because they are afraid of FAILURE.  We all come across a point in our lives WHEN we fail numerous times and NOTHING we do seems to work for us.  These are the times WHEN we have to push ourselves the hardest and tap into our mental strength to see those FAILURES eventually become a success.  YES, it takes donkey years to think POSITIVELY💥💥💥

True, behind the scenes, it takes a hell lot of HARD WORK involved and it is something that people are afraid WHEN we have to push towards our dreams.  Sadly, NO ONE is willing to put in the required time, effort and patience to endure the hardships.  Until all people are willingly going to accept the fact that NOTHING comes without a price, Going Against The Odds will be recurring more often than it is now.  UNTIL then, let's set expectations that there will be fewer success stories and more people listening to them.  If you think you have little time to develop your mental strength [for whatever reasons], think about it.  We were all given equal number of hours, minutes and seconds per day, so it's only a matter of some utilizing it to its best while others just NOT being able to manage it properly💧💧💧

Our takeaway: Reality is that, more often than NOT, we tend to GIVE UP because we seem to be surrounded by discouraging emotions and even people [even some with good intentions].  BUT, hearing NEGATIVE things about our capabilities and that too on a consistent basis can lead many of us to actually believe in them and hence becoming weak enough to GIVE UP easily, sometimes even without trying.  So, Going Against The Odds should be our mantra from hereon😌😌😌

Is CONSISTENCY An Issue?

Is CONSISTENCY An Issue?

Is CONSISTENCY An Issue?  Me thinks, it is a legitimate issue.  As we all know, some of us prefer to take SMALL STEPS towards achieving our goal[s] in life.  Others would prefer taking BIG STEPS with the same end view of achieving the goals in life.  WHERE's the disconnect?  It lies in the fact that regardless whether we opt for the SMALL STEPS or instead the BIG STEPS, many of us are somewhat guilty of INCONSISTENCY.  WHEN things become sporadic OR worse, WHEN randomness seem to become more as the default, then there is a gaping hole right in the midst of things.  And that confirms that CONSISTENCY is an issue📗📙📘

The truth is, for many people, CONSISTENCY can be a struggle.  Life's UPs and DOWNs and that's besides distractions and lack of motivation often hinder their ability to stay CONSISTENT.  BUT the good news is that CONSISTENCY is a skill that can be mastered with a practice, which personally, I simply did it in REPETITION, with CONSISTENCY.  So, the nagging question to us all is HOW TO BE CONSISTENT DAILY.  CONSISTENCY is a multifaceted concept that manifests differently in various situations.  In general, CONSISTENCY refers to putting forth a CONSISTENT effort day in and day out regardless of reasons💥💥💥

CONSISTENCY implies a commitment to follow through on plans and take action CONSISTENTLY to achieve the desired outcomes.  CONSISTENCY can be applied in various domains in life.  And to achieve personal goals and maintain relationships, CONSISTENCY is the key.  CONSISTENCY is NOT about being at your best every single day BUT rather striving to do our best everyday💧💧💧

So, CONSISTENCY is NOT about being at your level best every single day BUT rather striving to do our best each day.  It involves recognizing that you may face challenges and setbacks BUT still having that determination to stay CONSISTENT in your efforts.  BUT for us to move forward, let us align with the definition of CONSISTENCY, which is defined as the act of maintaining a REGULAR + STEADY effort OVER SOMETHING OVER SOMETIME😃😃😃

Our takeaway:  If at all, let us NOT be likened to the randomness of crossword puzzles because the importance of CONSISTENCY extends and spans across all areas of our life.  CONSISTENCY is crucial for success, whether it's on our personal relationships, academic pursuits or professional endeavors.  CONSISTENCY allows you to build TRUST + CREDIBILITY with others, as they can rely on you to deliver on your commitments on a CONSISTENT basis.  It also helps you develop a SENSE OF DISCIPLINE and perseverance WHICH are essential traits for long-term success.  So, IS CONSISTENCY [still] AN ISSUE?  It is very much, dude❗❗❗

Start SPEAKING UP!

Start SPEAKING UP!

From our early years in school, we were always taught and reared that SPEAKING UP is our most potent tool in life.  YET, what causes us to hit the initial stumbling block?  More often, it is because we are NEW in school OR  a new joiner in the organization OR a new member in the community.  BUT hey, I thought joining a new school OR organization should be thrilling and exciting enough, right?  That potential excitement of meeting new schoolmates, new colleagues.  And NOT to miss out, that 'high' feeling of taking on new challenges📗📙📘

And NOT to mention, those opportunities of learning something NEW [which you DIDN'T know before].  And WHAT comes along as well is that swag.  WHO DOESN'T like coffee mugs, laptop sleeves, and t-shirts that tell the world about the great place you are enrolled OR you are working.  BUT, again, as a newcomer, you also want to prove that you AREN'T completely raw💧💧💧

From understanding the policies in your new school OR organization to getting a good grasp of the new norms and practices in your new school OR organization, your end-view is always to know 'HOW THINGS ARE DONE'.  Thing is, the routines you learned in the past may NOT always be the best OR most efficient, though.  Inevitably, you will encounter issues that makes you pause OR question💥💥💥

WHAT happens next?  You end up NOT SPEAKING UP.  WHY?  Because you're new.  You're worried you might offend someone OR that your own opinions may hardly count OR worse, you may be thinking that you've got limited experience to attempt in making your voice heard.  And 100% of researches confirm that newcomers speak up LESS than those 'old timers', and WHEN they do offer their insights, they are less likely to be heard OR recognized😖😖😖

Our takeaway:  There is this subtle irony that arises beneath the surface of these newbies in school OR in the organization.  We need to be aware and be cognizant that we were admitted in that school OR in the organization because of your unique capabilities [and maybe expertise].  From small inefficiencies to significant issues, you have the power to shape the future of your output, whether it's in school OR in your new organization.  And that means, SPEAKING UP.  Sadly, everyone hold sacred beliefs about being new in an organization OR school.  BUT the truth is, many of the assumptions we make are NOT true at all.  Problem is, for many newcomers, they [wrongly] think that once they SPEAK UP, a 'eureka moment' will ensue.  BUT that's NOT how thinks work.  You just got to START SPEAKING UP dude❗❗❗

Breaking Bad Habits

Breaking Bad Habits

QUESTION: WHY is it so [damn] hard Breaking Bad Habits?  Simple logic tells us that if you know something is BAD for you, WHY CAN'T you just stop it?  A year-on-year survey says that approximately 70 percent of smokers say they would like to quit.  Drug and alcohol abusers struggle to give up addictions that hurt their bodies and tear apart families, friendships and even relationships.  And many of us have unhealthy excess weight that we could lose if only we would eat right and exercise more.  So, WHY DON'T we do it?  Everywhere, psychologists have been searching for answers and some researchers studied as to WHAT happens in our brains as habits form📗📙📘

And indeed, they found clues as to WHY BAD HABITS, once established, are so [damn] difficult to 'kick out'.  And according to these experts, understanding the 'biology' of HOW we develop routines that may be harmful to us and HOW to break those routines and embrace new ones, could help us change our lifestyles and adopt healthier behaviors💥💥💥

YES YES YES, HABITS can arise through repetition.  And this runs true way beyond humans.  DON'T look too far because even our pet animals around develop their own HABITS way after they have been trained, through repetition no less.  And indeed, most of our HABITS are a normal part of life and often helpful.  Waking up every morning, taking shower, combing your hair, brushing teeth, those are part of our core HABITS💦💦💦

We can even drive along familiar routes on 'mental auto-pilot' without really thinking about the directions.  So, WHEN behaviors do become automatic, it gives us that advantage because the brain does NOT have to use conscious thought to perform the activity.  This considerably frees up our brains for it to focus on different things instead.  BTW, HABITS can also develop when good or enjoyable events trigger the brain's 'reward' centers❗❗❗

Our takeaway:  If there is a culprit in all these HABITS, blame it to that chemical called DOPAMINE.  Because this explains WHY it is [damn] difficult and harder to break from pleasure-based HABITS. If you do something over and over again, and DOPAMINE is there WHEN you're doing it,and that strengthens the HABIT even more.  And WHEN you're NOT doing those things, DOPAMINE creates that 'craving' to do it again.  This explains WHY some people 'crave' for drugs even if that drug NO longer MAKES them feel particularly good once they take it.  In a sense, then, parts of our brains are working against us WHEN we attempt to overcome such BAD HABITS.  BUT the good news is that we humans have many more 'BRAIN REGIONS' to help us do WHAT's best for us.  After all, BREAKING BAD HABITs is not a tall order😃😃😃

NO Confidence? NO Problem!

NO Confidence?  NO Problem!

NO Confidence?  NO Problem!  Not too long ago, if you DON'T have that confidence within you, that's it, you're DONE, you're SCRATCHED, you're marked 'X'.  BUT that was the old school of thought.  Today, that DOESN'T hold water at all.  BUT let's align and accept on some GIVENs.  Building SELF-CONFIDENCE is NO mean feat.  It is NOT that easy OR simple.  Although some people appear to be so naturally CONFIDENT, most of us struggle with feeling CONFIDENT in our appearance, our abilities OR in any facet of our life📗📙📘

Regardless, it is essential to recognize WHEN and IF this situation is manifesting OR already happening because it has to be 'ACTIONED'.  Low CONFIDENCE can harm our happiness and well-being, one of those being a decrease in one's self-esteem.  Surprisingly, low SELF-CONFIDENCE could be manifesting even WHEN you feel like you CANNOT do the things you want OR need to do.  WHETHER you dream of travelling OR the world, achieving your dream career, finding a loving relationship OR going back to school💥💥💥

In any of these personal aspirations, LOW SELF-CONFIDENCE can get in the way of achieving these goals and aspirations.  If you frequently underestimate your ability to make your desires come true, that feeling of inadequacy likely stems from issues revolving around confidence.  Problem is, sometimes, these feelings manifest in ways that make us feel like NO matter how hard we try.  We will NEVER be good enough.  BUT there are some ways to counter any of these NEGATIVE feelings or manifestations.  Experts in psychology advise us of COGNITIVE BEHAVIORAL therapy which is a form of retraining our thoughts and replacing the NEGATIVE thoughts with POSITIVE ones💦💦💦

Concrete example is WHEN you feel like you should NOT go on a social outing because you will make things awkward, replace that thought with something along the lines of "I AM A VALUABLE AND INTERESTING PERSON AND MY FRIENDS ARE EXCITED FOR ME TO GO WITH THEM".  The idea is, the more we catch these thoughts and correct them, the more our mind will automatically gravitate toward them in the future.  And how's this.  HOW often you feel worried as to WHAT other people will think of you?  True, we CAN'T always please everyone all the time.  It is that implausible that you will go through life and NOT meet at least one person who does NOT get along with you, that scenario is beyond impossible❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  It is harmful to place our worth on WHAT other people think of us.  A sign of low CONFIDENCE is if you care more about WHAT outside people think of you than WHAT you care more about WHAT you know and think of yourself.  Sadly, this way of thinking can lead to other problems such as anxiety and the need to change yourself to suit different people's expectations.  WHAT we need to realize is that if you DON'T have CONFIDENCE, NO problem😁😁😁

[As Much As Possible] DON'T Use Mobile Phones For Major Purchases

[As Much As Possible] DON'T Use Mobile Phones For Major Purchases

I'm NOT a techie SME but we hope you DON'T take this sharing with a grain of salt.  If you've been spending time online, probably you have stumbled across comparisons of 'laptop purchases' versus 'phone purchases'.  BTW, there is NOTHING intrinsically wrong if you use your phone even for major online purchases [if that is your only option left?  LIKE being stranded in the middle of Maldives OR Seychelles BUT [As Much As Possible] DON'T Use Mobile Phones For Major Purchases📗📙📘

Again, UNLESS/EXCEPT if your phone is your online device in your everyday life and you need to initiate an online purchase of a new home appliance as you have just moved-in your new flat located at the fringes of the countryside and all you have is your phone for an online purchase?  Now, for some practical and solid reasons WHY you should favor the laptop over your phone for major online purchases:  For obvious reasons, the bigger screen makes it easier to flip between browser tabs to compare prices and so on💧💧💧

True if you've been using phones 99% for every single aspect in your life, you're most comfortable with phones BUT here's the undeniable thing:  You're NOT getting all the information on a single screen which you can see and get from a laptop OR desktop.  And for obvious reasons, WHEN making a major purchase, more information works to your advantage before you make an informed decision.  BTW, before retailers will whack me, one reason retailers would actually love it if we use our phones due to the term 'FRICTION'💥💥💥

To simply FRICTION, imagine all the Xtra steps and open windows that slow down your online purchase process and IF you've ever had your finger twitch at the wrong moment and you wound up buying the wrong seats for a Taylor Sift concert as an example, you would realize how important that FRICTION can be.  NOW, this gets interesting.  Another reason a laptop is a better choice for a major purchase is 'DRIP PRICING', remember that initial advertised price WHICH looks extremely attractive✅✅✅

Our takeaway:  Observe the DRIP DRIP DRIP pattern how the initially very low price slowly ramps up for every single ADD-ON, amenity OR adjustment adding to the cost [often BEHIND THE SCENES].  And yes, people tend to make the WORST spending decisions when dealing with DRIP pricing strategies.  Lastly, and this is a huge trap.  When we use our phone for purchases, we are also fighting against the ingrained way we tend to use phones because as we use phones more casually [versus laptops/desktops], we are prone to DISTRACTIONS.  That subtle difference may impact how well we FOCUS when making online purchases.  At the end of the day, it's your decision which device to opt for, as long as you end up with a correct, informed online purchase.  TO BE FOREWARNED IS TO BE FOREARMED❗❗❗

Containing Struggles In Life

Containing Struggles In Life

It is hard to accept and swallow BUT the fact is, STRUGGLING is an important phase of our lives.  Fact is, we need to face STRUGGLES to improve our love, ourselves and learn from it.  Without it, it is just an illusion of a comfort zone.  Most of us have experienced STRUGGLING in life OR maybe you are going through it right now.  BUT that is the least you should regret because psychologists say that is a 'GOOD PHASE' but it's true, it is NOT a comfortable phase to live in.  Yes we know it, WHEN we're STRUGGLING, we are trying to get out of that rut and make your life better BUT WHAT's the benefit of STRUGGLING in the first place?  Yes, STRUGGLES help us become aware of our own situation.  This is all about us  Containing Struggles In Life📗📙📘

Let's paint a typical scenario.  Most of the time, we just enjoy our lives without being present.  We just think that this day is just another ordinary and comfortable day WHILE life is NOT always like that.  STRUGGLING is giving you awareness that the situation you are in right now is NOT right OR uncomfortable.  It might give you a sign that you need to get out of this right now because it needs to be improved💢💢💢

WHAT we often lose sight is the reality that all these STRUGGLES are an important key as we are being built to become stronger [compared to WHAT we are and WHERE we stand at that point of the STRUGGLES].  BUT the problem is, many of us [and that includes me at some points in the past], we seem to have that [misguided] belief in us that we are STRONG ENOUGH BUT try to read the real score, we could be far off from it💦💦💦

WHY?  Generally, it is because we always end up the need to face the limits of our very own STRENGTH.  Sadly, sometimes we have that misguided belief in ourselves.  BUT hey dude, if there is any guarantee we are entitled in life, it is the fact that we, you, everyone else CAN'T avoid STRUGGLES.  This explains WHY it is imperative to know that STRUGGLING is a good thing in life because it might be a sign that you are being built to become stronger [than WHAT YOU ARE now]💥💥💥

Problem is, NOT many people can deal with their personal STRUGGLES and end up becoming even much worse than before.  Other than that, there are people WHO can deal with their struggles and find a happy life as an aftermath.  They would eventually succeed OR overcome their failures and STRUGGLES they face.  This is actually WHAT we all wanted, WHICH is a GOOD ENDING.  Having said that, the price of a GOOD ENDING is still quite a steep price NOT 'cheap' enough from any perspective.  BUT the thing is, we need to pay for that price, regardless if it is NOT that 'cheap'.   This explains WHY people need to consider CONTAINING STRUGGLES IN LIFE❗❗❗