Are You The Straw That Stirs The Drink?

Are You The Straw That Stirs The Drink?

Are You The Straw That Stirs The Drink?  No sirrrrrs, we're NOT pushing hard for you to constantly stand out there in that mammoth crowd.  Instead, we'd like to see you being an active party in a discussion but, like a pro boxer, stepping in to unleash a jab and stepping out to avoid a counter jab.  In conversations, however, there is a common recurring trap and those are the questions thrown on you till you get caught 'flat footed'.  So, will you answer all questions thrown to you?  No sirrrrrrs, not at all.  Fact is, DON'T feel obliged to answer every question even if you are either NOT in a position or you feel to be the wrong respondent📌📌📌

So, what do you do next?  Either IGNORE that misplaced question OR ask a question in return.  You need not be non-commital if you would say you'll be responding to it but would like to validate your understanding [of the question].  And if the question is NOT that crystal-clear, request to have it clarified.  In the basic protocols, when a person asks a question, normal social rules say that the questioned person must answer the question⏳⏳⏳

Be cautious though because if you DON'T answer the question, the other person becomes confused not only you do something to tweak the roles.  Besides being reactive, you can actively join the communications by wiggling yourself out of a [pestering or annoying] queston and instead, you start initiating a topic/discussion.  From a POINT to INTERRIPT to and to start a new conversation. this is the BEST WAY OUT [besides interrupting].  

So, here you go, you could be GAME-CHANGER.  And that is often a goodth thing to do when the discussion is flagging and people are beginning to repeat themselves.  And changing the topic is an ACT of CONTROL in a conversation and thus positions you in a position of relative power.  Initiating a new topic is an ACT of CONTROL and thus positions you well in the ongoing discussion.  As the initiator, changing the subject is an ACT of CONTROL in a conversation

So WHAT and HOW do we haggle here ON BEHALF possible collateral damages?  That you are much better off than you really are. So, what benefit do we get out of this aggressive & proactive stance?  First off, we get recognized that you will be able to soluve the crisis but even before going into that, allow me to temper your curiosity, if any.  Instead, you DON'T need to grab the microphone.  You just DON'T want to 'gate-crash' the party and end up as the spoler.  Endeavor to be the STRAW THAT STIRS THE DRINK✅✅✅

Be Wary, For Some Losses You CAN'T Get Back

Be Wary, For Some Losses You CAN'T Get Back

Be Wary, For Some Losses You CAN'T Get Back.  Unfortunately, there are LOSSES which are FORCE MAJEURE, way beyond your control.  And a very common scenario is GRIEF.  And can you guess the struggle when GRIEF strikes?  Yesirrrrrs, it is our brain that really struggles to cope.  Not the best example but when a family member dies, adjusting to the fact that you'll NEVER again spend time with your departed loved one can be painful.  In fact, it takes time but more than that, way beyond our consciousness, it involves changes in our brain💊💊💊

Much as we want to embrace what this poster screams 'TAKE NO LOSS', When we experience being in a relationship, the sense of who we are is bound up with that other person.  The word SIBLING, the word SPOUSE, they imply two people.  So when the other person is gone, we suddenly have to learn a totally new set of rules to operate.  'WE' becomes 'ME' and even our brain needs to change for a good reason💎💎💎

So our brain also feels that way, as it were and codes that 'WE' and updates it to 'ME'.  Before we get mixed up, let's differentiate grieving from grief where the latter is the emotional state whereas grieving is WHAT HAPPENS as we adapt to the fact that our loved one is gone, that we're carrying the absence of them with us.  And the reason that this distinction makes sense is, grief is a natural response to loss.  But GRIEVING means that our relationship to that GRIEF changes over time.  So, the first time or even the first 100 times, you're knocked off your feet with GRIEF, it feels terrible, awful and unfamiliar.  But when the 101st comes, you might blurt out 'I'LL GET THROUGH THIS'.  What is imperative, however, is for us to be aware and conscious that there are CONTROLLABLE losses📌📌📌

Uhmmm, sometimes we DON'T know WHEN to 'throw the towel'.  As time passes, it becomes clear that things AREN'T working out as you planned.  You then realize that pursuing whatever it is that you're pursuing will cost you too much financially or emotionally or it will take too long.  Whether that's being successful in your career OR mending a troubled relationship OR renovating your house.  But instead of moving on to new opportunities, all too often you simply STAY THE COURSE and sacrifice your own well-being in the process.  Hey, you're NOT alone.  Most of us want to stay in a job or relationship long after it ceased to be satisfying⏳⏳⏳

The costs to the person who CAN'T see the reason [in terms of time, effort or lost opportunities for happiness] can be enormous.  We recognize this kind of foolishness immediately in others but that DOESNT stop us from making the same mistake to lead us to losses AGAIN.  Be wary, as for SOME LOSSES YOU CAN'T GET BACK❗❗❗

When You DON'T Know What You've Got TILL IT'S GONE

When You DON'T Know What You've Got TILL IT'S GONE

When You DON'T Know What You've Got TILL IT'S GONE.  To hear these words is both hard and painful to me.  NOT because I am part of it.  WHEN I overhear it even from strangers, I feel the angst.  I feel NOT just the pain but the excruciating pain.  In those instance when I overheard this statement, either someone LOST his job or someone LOST a loved one or the spouse/partner recently walked off the door and literally abandoned his/her spouse/partner📌📌📌

And what's the common culprit of unfathomable family problems?  Now, for the givens.  Family conflict is just normal.  What matters is the REPAIR.  So, what's on our plate now?  It is HOW to navigate the inevitable tension and disconnection in family relationships.  Truth is, relationships shrink to the size of the field of of repair.  But in a bid of repair, it is one of the sweetest and most vulnerable and important kinds of communication that we humans can offer to each other.  In the shortest words, it means YOU VALUE THE RELATIONSHIP💊💊💊

So, where's our positive spin here?  It is all about strengthening the family fabric and studies showed that parents and children who play together, negotiate, take turns and having fun, in other words, respecting and enjoying one another.  And when missteps happened, parents REPAIRED and RESTORED the intimacy by expressing warmth and affection, talking about what happened and even apologizing.  With a positive family relationship, the FOUNDATION of TRUST is established📌📌📌

For that singular reason alone, it pays that we should reinforce our focus in strengthening our FAMILY FABRIC because when 'MINOR RUPTURES' may happen in the future, to REPAIR and to RESTORE the relationship will be much easier.  So, where do we start?  Let us begin with simply building up that INVESTMENT of positive interaction.  Let us spend 'SPECIAL TIME' to create more space✅✅✅

Icing on the cake, appreciate LOUDLY and share gratitude reflections and be incisive of the GOOD and POSITIVE that are happening around.  Appreciate it.  In this context of connection and understanding, we can then create a family culture where rifts are expected and repairs are welcomed.  Ooooops, do watch out for tiny  BIDS OF REPAIRS because sometimes, we have so much in our minds that we miss to appreciate.  We want to avoid WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'VE GOT TILL IT'S GONE❗❗❗

'Go Ahead Man, TAKE US HOME'

'Go Ahead Man, TAKE US HOME'

'Go Ahead Man, TAKE US HOME'.  Those were the exact words of Fil-Am NBA Miami Heat Coach ERIK SPOELSTRA in the midst of frenetic huddles at the ongoing NBA Playoffs.  And when Coach Spoelstra mentioned 'Go Ahead Man, TAKE US HOME', he acquiesced to the idea of his superstar player Jimmy Butler that he will take of the ball within one second⏳⏳⏳

And this leads us to family dynamics.  If there is something we fear, its being hit with a crisis within the family.  And indeed that period when crisis hits our family can be a period of heightened family tension and imbalance that would necessitate quick remediation or action no less.  And this is where the head of the family and/or the couple themselves taking over the reins of the crisis situation.  And while a crisis may present an opportunity for positive change, things DON'T shape up that way most of the time📌📌📌

A crisis is, in fact, a time for families, and especially the head of the family, to discover and strengthen his/her problem-solving skill that will tested to the hilt in an intense crisis when the usual methods of coping fail.  Once a family crisis gets resolved constructively, it is expected that most of the families will find themselves strengthened by the experience and that makes them better prepared for life's next challenge.  But what this tell us?  Regardless of the size of the concerned family, the onus and the biggest chunk of weight of responsibilities will always rest on the shoulders of the head of the family, the very couple co-managing the family.  The last thing we want to happen is for things to end up in a downward spiral⏳⏳⏳

This is where PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITY kicks in.  And in a crisis, the first reactions of the head of family or the couple itself will be most critical in a stress-producing situation.  In fact, a crisis is an UPSET IN A STEADY STATE causing a disruption or breakdown in an individual's or family's usual pattern of functioning.  And to the head of the family, he will find out that the usual ways of coping DON'T work all the time✅✅✅

The biggest risk in the tightly knit family structures we have, it's like we have all our eggs in one basket.  If any of the actions by the head of family goes hayward, that drags the family's situation to go down south.  But if he deftly handles crisis situations, all we would hear will be a resounding 'GO AHEAD MAN, TAKE US HOME'❗❗❗

Avoid A 'PERFECT STORM' To Lose A Game

Avoid A 'PERFECT STORM' To Lose A Game

A lot of DEJA VUs here once we discuss how to Avoid A 'PERFECT STORM' To Lose A Game simply because, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT.  Oh yes, definitely, no one is stranger Yet, no matter how many storms we survive, it's hard to like them as they tend to bring along turmoil, despair and worst, destruction.  Whether we like it or not, no one can escape them.  We all have WEATHER STORMS in our life, whether that's within our work life, our family life, our health or even our finances.  Sadly, they all come into our life unannounced and really UNINVITED⏳⏳⏳

So, if we CAN'T run away from them, WHAT then should we do?  Here's a thing that is very very rarely recognized and realized.  STORMS CLEAR OUR PATH.  Life would be a mundane routine if it weren't for the occasional storms that blindsight us and us off the STATUS QUO.  Sadly again, no human can have an 'all-positive' life.  Peaks of challenges and valleys of darkness are inevitable in everyone's journey on Earth💊💊💊

What sets the course of our life is NOT the storm but our response to it.  WHAT else?  Studies show that STORMS MAKE US STRONGER.  Similar to the way we develop our muscle strength via training, storms are similarly our personalized resistance training program.  The more serious STORMS we face, very likely the stronger we grow📌📌📌

Now this is a tough sharing from studies which confirm that STORMS COMPEL US TO SELF-RESPECT.  As our life of ease rarely encourages self-reflection, only STORMS do that.  When someone is at the throes of despair and devastation, we tend to often resort to seeking inner solace, that place of calm from the raging external unrest.  To quote Confucious:  "ATTACK THE EVIL THAT IS WITHIN YOURSELF RATHER THAN ATTACKING THE EVIL THAT IS IN OTHERS"💎💎💎

To quote Nichiren Daishonin, the 13th Century Japanese Buddhist Reformer, "THOUGH WORDLY TROUBLES MAY ARISE, NEVER LET THEM DISTURB YOU.  NO ONE CAN AVOID PROBLEMS, NOT EVEN SAGES OR WORTHIES".  And this concludes with the lesson that STORMS ARE OUR TEACHERS.  Instead of wishing for an easy life, we should equip ourselves to tackle life's misfortunes with wisdom.  WHY?  Because no human can escape the inevitable sufferings of either the body or the mind.  As they say, the best teachers have gone through their fair share of trials and tribulations, tragedies that elevated their consciousness, leading them to learn their lessons the hard wat after avoiding a PERFECT STORM✅✅✅

Lions Like to Hunt. DO YOU?

Lions Like to Hunt.  DO YOU?

We're NOT here to push ourselves to be like Lions.  BUT instead, we're dead envy because Lions Like to Hunt.  DO YOU?    Unfortunately, one of the worst travesty mankind has ever caused upon the animal kingdom is to perennially tag the LIONS as predators because every waking hour they have, they are constantly focused solely on HUNTING as predators.  BTW, to be a predator is NOT to be loathed as long as it means that that singular focus is justified by their need to survive

BTW, LIONS are more than just animals.  They have become the undisputed symbol of STRENGTH and DOMINANCE.  So, how can emulate the positivities of the LIONS?  And BTW, LIONS belong to the family of cats and you'll retort "CAT'S ARE NOT BRAVE".  True.  But despite being cats, LIONS DON'T fear many things.  WHY?  Because in the first place, they know their STRENGTH.  Imagine if LIONS thought they are weaker than Zebras

Instead, LIONS are so confident in their STRENGTH that they will even attempt to take down elephants !  One of the saddest way to live our life is for us to be so blind of our STRENGTHS.  And here's the trap:  THE WORLD WILL NEVER TELL YOU YOUR STRENGTHS.  You're on your own.  NOT even your parents.  NOT ever your parents.   Would you expect those Zebras to whisper into the ears of the young lion cubs' ears to tell them that they are strong❓❓❓

And here's the harsh reality.  The world we live in is a HARSH place. It WON'T even budge unless you make it budge.  So, what do we do?  Start to DEVELOP A SKILL.  If till now you're still wondering what type of skill you need to DEVELOP, the easiest clue is our own personality because that will lead you to your potential career path.  If you are musically inclined, that can be a powerful and fulfilling way to express yourself.  Skills are a CORE PART of our STRENGTH💎💎💎

For the hardest part, never stop fighting for your beliefs and the life that you want.  AS LONG AS YOU'RE ALIVE, FIGHT.  LIONS fight to survive.  Humans can fight to thrive.  I'll be brutally honest as a personal testimony.  Five or six times, I almost wanted to dump this blogsite.  BUT even if I have my daytime job [which often spills over till evening], I refused to pull the brakes for this blogsite.  And take a step farther to embed your darn FOCUS to achieve the goals you set.  Trust me, as you live your life like a LION, you will NOT be a step less as long as you remain steadfast in constantly HUNTING LIKE A LION❗❗❗

Sensing Blood In The Water?

Sensing Blood In The Water?

How often is Sensing Blood In The Water? How often do we go in PREDATOR MODE?  No sirrrrrs, we are NOT encouraging anyone to be predators, NOT at all.  Instead, we can map Sensing Blood In The Water to either a potential risk, an imminent problem or setback or worst, areas where we should neither intrude nor infringe.  There are just one too many tell-tale signs along the way which should lead us to be Sensing Blood In The Water💊💊💊

Frankly, the road we're traversing through in our life is peppered with opportunities to explore and land mines that may explode once we step on its trigger.  Much as we should NOT be too confident and cocky to think that life is a 'walk in the park, we CAN'T be pessimistic and cynical as well to think that we are doomed and destined to fail regardless of our maneuverings⏳⏳⏳

So, let's have this scenario when and where you're Sensing Blood in the water, so how would you handle things? First off, validate the situation.  It is important that you DON'T create those knee-jerk reactions that will just end up exploring right smack on your face.  Take stock of things, validate the tell-tale signs if they are valid enough📌📌📌

Obviously, life is NOT as treacherous as it seems.  WHY?  When indeed there is imminent danger, the tell-tale signs will be there.  Such danger is not buried under the icings of a fluffy cake.  All we need to do is to be incisive and sharp enough to be Sensing Blood in the water.  Let's assume you're jobless and you've been aggressively applying over and over again out in the job market💎💎💎

In fact, Sensing Blood in the water is NOT rocket science.  If at work you were slapped back to back HR reprimands and disciplinary actions for breaching a company policy different from your previous breach, what does that tell you?  If you and your spouse have been at loggerheads almost on a daily basis each time you're together, what does that tell you?  Lesson here, let's constantly keep our ears and eyes close to the ground for us to be Sensing Blood in the water,, if any✅✅✅

Perfectionism Has NO Place In Life

Perfectionism Has NO Place In Life

WHEN her daughter has a special event, surely mom would spend all her time to make-over her beauty.  WHEN we go for a car wash, we're so patient to wait the car wash personnel to  complete his work with no single speck of dust left.  WHEN we buy our clothes or apparel, before paying it off, we'll check to make sure it is perfect with no single slightest damage.  And are they NO-NOs?  No sirrrrrs, they're all perfectly alright because it has to go that way but hold on, here's the catch.  PERFECTIONISM Has NO Place In Life so we can't get this embedded in our daily life day-in day-out else we'll fall flat on our face💊💊💊

On the other hand, PERFECTIONISM is often seen as a positive trait that increases your chances to success BUT hold on.  That could lead to self-defeating thoughts or behaviors that make it harder to achieve one's goals.  It may even cause stress, anxiety and depression.  People who strive for PERFECTION out of feelings of inadequacy or failure may find it helpful to think about it💎💎💎

So why DON'T we take a step back and reach a common ground of PERFECTIONISM.  It is often defined as that need to be or appear to be PERFECT or to even believe that it's possible to achieve PERFECTION.  It is typically viewed as a POSITIVE trait rather than a flaw and some may even tag it as 'HEALTHY PERFECTIONISM' to justify such a PERFECTIONIST behavior📌📌📌

At work [when the pandemic work-from-home is over], you can have that PERFECT desk.  But studies have shown that PERFECTIONISM is NOT the same thing as striving to be your best.  PERFECTION is NOT about healthy achievement and growth but rather, people tend to use it as a shield to PROTECT against the pain of blame, judgment or worst, shame✅✅✅

So, please DON'T get me wrong.  You can continue to aim for PERFECTION and go way beyond the roof but more so as an inspiration and motivational drive.  Once you fall short of your goal, let it NOT be the alibi or excuse as to why you fell short of your goal.  Just pick up the pieces again and lest you forget, PERFECTIONISM has NO place in life❗❗❗

Be Like Water [And NOT Soda] !

Be Like Water [And NOT Soda] !

Oh oh oh, our piece today is NOT about FMCG products or beverages.  Instead, we're still in life and just  Be Like Water [And NOT Soda] for one basic logic.  Grab a bottle of soda and do try to shake it.  You DON'T need to guess what happens next because surely it will burst.  Now, grab a bottled water and try to frantically shake it and does it burst?  No sirrrrs, it is as calm and serene as the placid waters of a lake⏳⏳⏳

The analogy in life for water versus soda is as close as it can get.  Because throughout in our life, there will be many [zillion times] when we will be rattled, shaken, wobbled, swayed and even rocked in life.  And those may NOT be earth-shaking but typically, it is just normal that indeed, we will really get shaken up and that's where we should be up to.  NOT to lose our composure.  NOT to lose our focus.  NOT to lose direction📌📌📌

I remember the very time I attempted to fly out of my home country to attend to a face-to-face job interview over in Singapore.  And that was an early morning flight, at the airport Check-In Counter, I was advised that I cannot fly out because my passport's expiry date was to happen less than six [6] months, whew.  That was like a big blow to me coming from nowhere, facing a setback right on my very first step to seek greener pastures, happening early morning at the airport.  So, how did I handle that snafu?  I remained cool and control💎💎💎

And in good faith, I proved to the airport personnel that, here I am, I was earnestly trying to call my country's embassy in Singapore but the phone just kept ringing [and that was NOT a surprise because it was like 6am].  In the end, the Check-In personnel did acquiesce and allow me to get past through the Check-In Process.  At hindsight, I realized that if I was kind of shaken by that snafu, things could have gone south and worsened✅✅✅

So, it's NOT even a choice if you should emulate water or soda because that's a no-brainer.  BTW, life can be quite pesky and vexatious.  If you are NOT that resilient enough and adaptive to the fluidity of very dynamic situations in life, likely you WON'T have a tight grip of your situation especially when things end up shaking you up.  Just DON'T be a soda in life❗❗❗

is Your Life In A 'SCRAMBLE MODE'

is Your Life In A 'SCRAMBLE MODE'

Oh, I frequently come across SCRAMBLE MODE in the Cold War-like posturing of the U.S. and China [over across China Sea].  Not to belittle such posturing.  over to you, has Your Life been into A 'SCRAMBLE MODE'?  Let's put it this way.  Frankly, there is NOTHING wrong if our life has been in a SCRAMBLE MODE even in the past.  I've been through that several times in the past and I can't be more thankful that I did survive those SCRAMBLE MODEs📌📌📌

BTW, those SCRAMBLE MODES are the consequences of a web of problems that worsen and balloon to undue proportions until things end up blowing right in our face.  Indeed, it's a Catch-22 situation because if and when you fail to resolve a situation that approximates the magnitude and proportions of SCRAMBLE MODES, things can end up either in a fatal or tragic end💊💊💊

If you're questioning your current path that seems going off-track, those uncertainties can be defeating.  Many of us go through crises at various points in our life and many times we do make it through the other side with a renewed sense of purpose and self-understanding.  If you're experiencing now a life crisis or something that approximates it, our only option is to navigate and wiggle out from that SCRAMBLE MODE💎💎💎

Many times, we're going transitioning in a change phase in life.  BUT hey, let us NOT assume that change equates to crisis.  On the other hand, a crisis could also be an awakening so, self-awareness and authenticity will be key in helping us to understand what the deeper source of that crisis is and determine what it means.  Knowing your ANCHOR is key as well.  Your values are your ANCHOR or your 'TRUE NORTH' as they are what ground you.  When TIMES are TOUGH, always go back to your ANCHOR and make decisions based on these values✅✅✅

Moving farther, try to shift your perspective away from whatever is NEGATIVE.  Problem is, we think of those crises as inherently negative events BUT they DON'T have to be.  This shifts our perspective and does empower us.  By taking life and career decisions as necessary stepping stones from which we either win or learn something.  Still in a SCRAMBLE MODE? Time to parachute❗❗❗