That 'CONTROL FREAK' Malaise

 

Way beyond any debate, we humans long to feel in control although I'm sure my statement could lead to heckles here and there.  BUT the very existence of the term 'CONTROL FREAK' itself indicates our need for CONTROL WHICH sometimes can go too way far.  BUT psychologists insists that humans naturally want to feel that they're steering their own ship [YES, I agree, for a big chunk in my life, I also thought along those lines].  The scientific explanation here is that human beings have that deep-seated desire for certainty and CONTROL.  NOT to be defensive, some studies even showed that sense of autonomy seems to be the #1 contributor to happiness📗📙📘

YES, perhaps we should NOT be surprised then that some measures of our mental health seem to be heading in the wrong direction these years.  BUT given the fact that this world we live in looks unlikely to grow less crazy anytime soon, does that mean we're doomed to be miserable until our lives feel more controllable?  According to recent researches, WHILE we may NOT always be able to CONTROL events, we certainly can CONTROL our reaction to them.  It's HOW we contain the UNCONTROLLABLES💥💥💥

YES dude, there is a world of difference in our own happiness despite all the UNCONTROLLABLES that would pop-up in our lives, here and there.  A common scenario across all cultures in fact is that clash of personalities [WHICH I personally witnessed multiple times in the past].  At the end of the day, the hands-down winner in those 'clash of titans' is that cool and level-headed fellow WHO managed to handle and contain things, deftly handling the situation instead of it turning from bad to worse.  NOT a tough act to follow💚💛💜

Experts counsel us that there are two kinds of CONTROL, namely, that primary CONTROL WHICH happens WHEN we can actually CONTROL events and the secondary CONTROL and that's WHEN we DON'T and simply CAN'T CONTROL events BUT here's the huge BUT.  BUT we can CONTROL HOW we think about and respond to them.  We then exercise secondary CONTROL WHENEVER we reframe a failure as a learning experience.  Unsurprisingly, in multiple clinical studies, people love to have primary CONTROL of events BUT they also showed that secondary CONTROL can go a long way to promote feelings of both moment-to-moment happiness in life✅✅✅

Our takeaway:  A key lesson I learnt over and over again is the undeniable fact that we can always CONTROL HOW we tell our story and if this sounds familiar to you, that may be because it is far from similar results.  The thing is, IF and WHEN we CAN'T steer events, we can always steer HOW we think about them, looking and anticipating even for unexpected positives, ways we've grown.  Ouch, that CONTROL FREAK malaise😡😡😡

That PYGMALION Effect!

 

Our piece today is NOT about psychology BUT we'd like to sneak a bit into their world if only to dissect more That PYGMALION Effect!  For alignment, PYGMALION Effect is described HOW expectations about someone's performance can unconsciously influence one's behavior and ultimately may lead to the fulfillment of those expectations.  Heard of the optimists WHO never get daunted no matter HOW steep are the mountain slopes one has to climb???

HOW many times have we heard of that persistent 'LOTHARIO' who woos the very apple of his eyes, never slowing down OR worst never pulling the brakes.  WHY?  Likely it's because he is optimistic enough that eventually he will win over that 'girl of his life'.  Of course, in reality, there are narratives that do flop BUT they are more outliers.  Simply out, the PYGMALION Effect refers to that psychological phenomenon WHERE higher expectations would normally lead to an improved performance OR positive outcome and results of a specific pursuit.  In our daily life, in school as an example, essentially, WHEN teachers OR leaders expect more of others, they will likely perform better😊😊😊

Commonly known as the ROSENTHAL Effect, WHEN we expect certain behaviors of others, we are likely to act in ways that make the expected behavior more likely to occur.  In effect, it is that positive form of self-fulfilling prophecy WHEREIN the objects [the targeted individuals] of projections internalize the optimistic labels they receive and succeed to conform to those labels💧💧💧

In a way, this implies the sanguine expectations on a leader's part could lead to an improved performance by his followers.  This reinforces more the significant roles of leaders, hence, that old cliche "FOLLOW THE LEADER' because essentially, WHEN we 'toe the line' and heeding the advice and guidance of our leaders, there is a greater likelihood for us to succeed rather than fail in WHATEVER pursuit we are involved💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  If we need to be the crusader and advocate of that PYGMALION Effect, let's go for it, be it in our own households, at the workplace OR at the business settings.  That way, we can pitch-in and spread our positive influence to serve as that catalyst and motivator to encourage people to work out for their BEST results, BEST outcomes, and BEST achievements.  WHETHER you get credited IF and WHEN credit is due is NOT even a talking point here because this all boils down on our respective responsibilities to be the 'unseen' motivator for people to perform and even 'outperform' themselves beyond expectations.  That is a fear in the cap money CAN'T buy.  Let's go for that PYGMALION Effect dude!!!

Rightfully, Is OVERTHINKING Perfectly Right?

 

Rightfully, OVERTHINKING is perfectly right, right?  YES, we all get too deep in our head about things and we'll all found ourselves stuck in the never-ending spiral of "WHAT IF's" that come and go with life.  WHAT IF I can't actually afford that?  WHAT IF they DON'T like me?  WHAT IF the change will make things worse?  True, we will never run out of all those WHAT IFs because that's the vicious cycle constantly waiting to jump on us💥💥💥

The BIG ASK now is:  HOW DO WE KNOW IF WE'RE OVERTHINKING?  Psychologists did an analogy of OVERTHINKING and problem-solving and while there are commonalities, the experts tell us that they remain distinct.  While problem-solving is WHEN you ask questions with the intent of finding an answer OR a solution, OVERTHINKING is WHEN you dwell on possibilities and pitfalls without any real intent of solving a problem.  For all we know, a problem OR even a potential one may NOT even exist💦💦💦

OVERTHINKING is also being compared with self-reflection BUT again, experts insist that the two are distinct because self-reflection is an internally inquisitive process rooted in a higher purpose, WHETHER that's to grow as a person OR gain a new perspective.  And in case you're obsessing over something you DON'T like about yourself that you either CAN'T change OR have NO intention of improving, that is NOT self-reflection.  Instead, that becomes OVERTHINKING.  Sharing below the experts' cheat sheet to discern it:

• Dwelling on past events OR situations
• Second-guessing decisions you ALREADY made
• REPLAYING your mistakes in your mind
• Getting fixated on things you just CAN'T control
• Running your list while trying to sleep

So, HOW does OVERTHINKING affect us?  Experts tell us that it can affect HOW we experience and engage with the world around us, preventing us from making important decisions and keeping us from enjoying the PRESENT moment and instead draining us out of the energy we need to handle daily stressors.  And WHETHER we are fixating on the past OR catastrophizing about the future, thought patterns that are destructive can take its toll on us❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  The harsh BUT truthful advice from experts is that ruminating on stressful events can, over time, lead to anxiety and depression and from a medical health standpoint, anxiety can affect our ability to cope with everyday stressors and depression results in sadness, loneliness and even feelings of emptiness, NOT to forget the physical symptoms that come along with it like, fatigue, headache, nausea, amongst others.  WHAT TO DO then?  Let's NOT sweat the small stuff & instead combine critical thinking with instinct while setting a decision deadline.  In a nutshell, let us take action on stuff we can control and let go of things we really CAN'T because Rightfully, OVERTHINKING IS NOT PERFECTLY RIGHT, dude😌😌😌

The Meteoric Rise Of Alex Eala

 

Sharing EN TOTO from Azat.TV datelined 09.23.2025:  ALEXANDRA EALA's METEORIC RISE:  HOW A FILIPINO TENNIS STAR SHATTERED WTA RANKINGS IN 2025.  Indeed, in the world of professional tennis, WHAT matters most is the WTA rankings as it is reflective of the RISEs and FALLs in the very competitive world of global tennis.  And WHILE there is still more than three months left for 2025, the Philippines' ALEX EALA has already erased a lot of doubts with regard her potentials based on her stratospheric rise in the WTA rankings, rising all the way to No. 56 as of September 2025📗📙📘

And IF the media headlines she grabbed with her sterling performances in 2025, ALEX EALA was even unexpectedly thrusts into the NBA world WHEN no less than the NBA's superstarts [Luka Doncic, Anthony Edwards, Kevin Durant] all got looped in various socia media messagings.  To date, ALEX EALA deserves all the attention given the below:

• Climbing 80 places in the WTA Rankings for 2025
• Miami Open wins over Ostapenko, Keys and Swiatek
• Winning her first WTA title at Mexico Guadalajara Open
• And as we speak now, even defeating Aliona Falei & Mei Yamaguchi in the ongoing Jingshan Tournament

YES, ALEX EALA's astonishing leap of 80 places in the 2025 WTA Rankings is more than just statistics.  Instead, it is a sheer chronicle of grit, setbacks, and ultimately triumph.  NOT too far back, in January 2025, ALEX EALA had a WTA rank of No. 138, way outside of the peripheries of the elite echelons of global tennis.  WHILE her early outings DIDN'T quite ignite excitement, it was thought that it was all calm before another unforgettable storm.  NOT until March rewrote the script WHEN @Miami Open, ALEX EALA was NOT just a participant but a disruptor💥💥💥

With a boldness that belied her low WTA ranking then, ALEX EALA dispatched Grand Slam champions Jelena Ostapenko and Madison Keys, then stunned the tennis world by toppling World No. 2 Iga Swiatek.  Suddenly, ALEX EALA was no longer that perennial underdog.  She was now the STORY.  Her run to the semifinals marked the first time a Filipina ever reached that stage at a WTA 1000 event, catapulting her from No. 140 to No. 75, all in two weeks, whoaaah!!!  Suddenly, the doors to the Top 100 swung open, and with them, new expectations and responsibilities💧💧💧

Our takeaway:  Drawing parallelisms to our own life narratives, our journeys are peppered with SETBACKS and COMEBACKS [if we want to] and let's face it, regardless WHETHER we're referring to competitive sports OR our daily life, no COMEBACK or ascent is without the hardest turbulence ever and it all boils down to the very person to break new ground and perhaps shatter his/her personal records with more WINs.  p.s. As we speak now, she is in a very tight semi-finals game with New Zealand's Lulu Sun 😀😀😀

Smelling Blood In The Water

 

As we are all aware of, life is NEVER a bed of roses.  There will always be antagonists, foes, adversaries, nemesis, name it.  For clarity, we are NOT insinuating that we be aggressive in our life WHEN it comes to conflicts but having said that, it is in our best interest for us to develop that ability to SMELL BLOOD in the water.  For alignment, this means scenarios WHERE we are at risk, in danger or in peril from the hands of an opposing party.  For further clarity, we're NOT referring to purely physical acts BUT instead, most of possible conflicts in life are far from physical BUT instead, such conflicts could be verbal, mental OR worse, for some WHO piggy-back on the power of social media to turn a mountain out of a molehill [WHICH is regrettable]📘📙📗

So, you might wonder, WHY do we need to be sharp enough to SMELL BLOOD IN THE WATER.  Plain and simple, much as we cannot be unconditionally shielded from any risk in life, at the very least, we need to be a step ahead in terms of monitoring a situation that can quickly turn from bad to worse.  BUT as they say, if we're a step ahead of things, we may possibly nip things in the bud.  That's WHEN we take a unilateral step ahead📌📌📌

As an analogy, let's swing over to social media WHERE, after many years in your FB, you know well enough your 'FB FRIENDS', especially those WHO tend to be easily triggered in arguments and conflicts that quickly escalate into full-blown ones.  WHAT IF you had a 'run in' with one FB FRIEND WHO carries that 'notoriety' of someone WHO does NOT back off from conflicts BUT instead, still goes full throttle.  We've heard of horror stories WHERE one of the protagonists uses social media to peddle half-truths and even concocted versions of a story.  SO HOW [after you SMELL BLOOD IN THE WATER], WHAT NEXT?  One immediate option is to watch out your FB and as a proactive measure, you may want to distance yourself from that person for now, at least via social media💥💥💥

WHAT IF you have this laid back outlook wherein you would just shrug off things even IF you did SMELL BLOOD IN THE WATER?  That's a double-edged sword hanging over you by then because either you, you are at risk.  IF you turn a blind eye, you might be perceived as a pushover, a weakling at that, WHO could be 'bulldozed' even randomly.  IF you take a proactive approach, just be ready for a 'fallout'❗❗❗

Our takeaway:  Once you're threading a very thin line WHERE the margin of error is very low, take a step back momentarily and reassess comprehensively the situation.  WHERE your assumptions seem to be more speculative, weigh-in and validate the probability of your assumption being correct.  Either way, it pays that we hone and sharpen our ability to SMELL BLOOD IN THE WATER😡😡😡

Need HELP [Ask For It!]

 

We could have all the dexterity our hands and extremities can facilitate BUT it's undeniable that from time to time, every one of us needs a HELPING HAND, one way OR the other.  BUT what's quite puzzling is WHAT I witnessed through the years. WHILE many really have managed well those situations WHEN they are in need of HELP, many times I did bear witness [first hand at that] some WHO need HELP BUT will hardly lift a finger!!!

If we have been part of those professional lectures and speeches, OR have read books OR watched movies, you'll notice that the one too many acknowledgments are always a healthy portion of those things.  WHAT explains those many acknowledgments?  Experts advise us that no one achieves greatness all by himself.  Because as humans, we depend on each other to learn and grow [and sometimes, to even survive specific challenging situations].  And numerous researches show that helping others actually make us feel good.  And I can attest to that.  Very recently, WHEN we invited our trusted handymand and his wife for a good meal in one of the best local restaurants and even had them go to the supermarket and go on a shopping spree😁😁😁

So, you might challenge me, if this is the case, HOW come it is so difficult for some people to ask for HELP?  For most people, even thinking of asking for HELP can chew away at their confidence.  And to complicate matters, spice it off with EGO and PRIDE, WHICH frankly become misplaced ones WHEN you are in dire need of HELP.  Surprisingly, it makes us start to question our abilities, and sometimes it even tends to paralyze us with anxiety.  The fact is that none of us can go through the journey of life all alone, by just our own self.  YES YES yowwww, NO ONE achieves that greatness all alone by himself📗📙📘

Again, this is one gap that is NOT so obviously missing from all our schoolings and studies, that is, learning HOW to ask for HELP, and almost more importantly accepting the fact that HELP is perhaps one of the greatest skills we can develop.  SO HOW?  HOW can we ask for HELP and actually get the HELP we need?  I have two shortest words here.  Be CONCISE and SPECIFIC.  This all comes down to clear communication.  NO need to over-explain WHICH only overwhelms and confuses us more❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  I've seen and heard this.  Some people WHO need help end up either blurting out one too many words without hitting the bullseye OR hardly saying any word.  WHY CAN'T we simply describe WHAT the task is, WHY it matters and HOW the person you're asking can contribute and HELP.  Key here is to be specific as possible as the other person needs to know exactly WHAT it is they will need to do and they can also accurately judge HOW much time and energy the task will take.  YES, we all need HELP at some points in life and NO ONE jumps out of their seat in excitement to help those WHO apologize for asking.  YES dude, NOTHING WRONG TO ASK FOR HELP [if need be]😡😡😡

The Randomness of Life

 

For the longest time, I can take pride that I evolved through the years parallel to PLANNING and PLANNING.  Anything RANDOM was farthest from my mind, if at all.  YET, my realization like NOT so long ago, six years ago to be precise, is that we should be living life as it is, inclusive of everything that's RANDOM because contrary to our misconceptions, life is more RANDOM than planned, regardless your being a planner📗📙📘

Please DON'T get me wrong as I am NOT contradicting myself because all along, I always preach for PLANNING and PLANNING no less.  BUT let me qualify things here.  PLANNING is NOT inclusive.  Once you step out of your home and regardless WHETHER you will drive OR you're commuting, almost everything right outside your doorstep becomes random.  True, you planned to leave home way past the traffic peak hours OR you purposely waited for that heavy downpour to weaken BUT the bottom line here is that WHILE we are taught and reared to PLAN and PLAN, more importantly, handling and managing the random things in life would matter as much as PLANNING💥💥💥

NOT too long ago, I plotted my plans in that typical 'WBS' [Work Breakdown Structure] discipline with inter-dependencies and critical paths identified up front.  YET, along the way, I realized that I just CAN'T cover the whole nine yards because rather than striving for a thorough and perfect order of things, UNCERTAINTY creeps and that's WHEN we will realize those things in life WHICH are way beyond our control.  BUT so as NOT to scare you, WHILE we will bluntly preach that we need to embrace UNCERTAINTY, let's coaxed things in a subtle way by articulating that we need to embrace change, and letting go of any UNCERTAINTY that comes our way❎❎❎

WHICH means, once we can focus our personal actions MORE on the 'CONTROLLABLES', we can then navigate WHATEVER unexpected that surfaces and along the way, build up that resilience in the face of the 'insurmountable', if any.   And once we become more humble, less competitive [without being laidback and lazy] and more compassionate [without neglecting ourselves either], researches showed that we can likely find our 'happiness levels' and life quality can even steeply improve😊😊😊

Our takeaway:  Frankly, our brain abhors RANDOMNESS and instead it seeks patterns and craves control BUT RANDOM processes are fundamental in nature and are ubiquitous even in our everyday lives [YET most people seem NOT to understand them OR think much about them.  If you heard about that spine-tingling narrative of United Airlines flight attendant Elise O'Kane WHO was supposed to be in that ill-fated Flight UA 175 which rammed through the World Trade Center's North Tower BUT due to their computer system's glitch, she was WRONGLY assigned to another flight.  After retiring from UA, she trained to be a nurse because she admitted she wanted to 'GIVE BACK AND FULFILL' herself in life.  Just another testament of life's RANDOMNESS🙏🙏🙏

DON'T Miss Out That 'LOCKING' Feature!

 

Statistical data of phishing scams continue to go up unabatedly.  As per Channelnewsasia, last December alone in Singapore, at least 103 people got duped of at least US$ 122,000 after they fell prey to phishing scams involving the impersonation of banks through spoofed SMS's.  Another 750 victims did fall prey to Android malware scams first half of this .  For now, DON'T Miss Out That 'LOCKING' Feature📙📘

With scammers being many steps ahead of even the best regulators and technology experts, the least we can do is to leverage on the security functions offered by our bankers and one feature very often missed out [I'll call it 'IGNORED'] by many of us is that 'LOCK' security feature.  As every LOCKING feature is unique across banks, we won't get into specifics BUT simply put, IF you invoked that 'LOCK' feature, you are "ALMOST" guaranteed that your account is safe [take note that it's "ALMOST"!@#$?]

Just the other day, I was paying with my credit card a few items we bought in a local store but the transaction failed with the message 'CONTACT BANK' only for me to realize that I had to UNLOCK my account before that payment transaction.  BUT hold on, awhile ago, I stated that once your account is LOCKED, the security of your account is 'ALMOST' guaranteed secure BUT NOT 100% secure enough.  WHY?  Because with scammers gaining access to banking credentials and one-time passwords [OTPs] through their deceptive ways, our bank account [and that's our smartphone as well] can be literally 'TAKEN OVER', whew!@#$?

There's this misconception that FIXED DEPOSIT ACCOUNTS like Time Deposits are safe and sound?  While those accounts could have fixed maturities, we should NOT forget that that kind of account can be prematurely withdrawn!@#$?  WHAT IF that guilt-less scammer breaches your account login and proceeds to your FIXED DEPOSIT ACCOUNT and initiates a premature withdrawal [and NOT an account closure so as NOT to raise the highest levels of alarms]?  WHILE that breach is not a one-step transaction, once the scammer passes through the login validation + OTP, that's it, you're TOAST by then!@#$? 

Our takeaway:  Please consider choosing a banking service provider WHO offers the services of either a 'PRIVATE BANKER' [PB] or a 'RELATIONSHIP MANAGER' [RM] because with that service support structure, you can be assured that your PB or RM will personally reach out to you IF and WHEN your banker will 'SMELL BLOOD IN THE WATER'.  As your bank is your next layer of defense and protection from those unscrupulous scammers, please be curious to inquire if your prospective banker offers PB or RM services.  Bottomline is, please always keep your devices a.k.a. smartphone 100% physically and digitally secure because that's your FIRST LINE of DEFENSE!!!

Do We LACK LUSTER Or Are We Simply LACKLUSTER?

 

For one OR two simple words, there seems to be a huge mix-up between LACK LUSTER and LACKLUSTER.  And I thought we need to clear up the air for now [before this becomes like a desert storm].  From time to time in our life, either we hear someone having a LACKLUSTER performance either at work, in a competition OR even in an activity OR event he's performing.  Talk about a boxer WHO gets knocked out OR World Chess Champion Magnus Carlsen tumbling down in a classic game. BUT that's fine because you can be an A-lister of a competitor BUT at sometime, it could be your 'off night' OR probably the law of averages did catch up on you.  Even in the NBA hoops world, top-tier superstars like Lebron James, Stephen Curry OR Kevin Durant would have below-par performances from time to time📗📙📘

On the other hand, you can be one of the most capable, most experienced, seasoned and skilled BUT WHEN you're thrown out there in the mud OR in a competition, you just end up like one amongst the crowd, NOT a crowd-drawer BUT just one of the thousands in the big mamooth crowds.  So WHAT probably ails you WHEN you have yet to perform?  And this is where there is that likelihood that you may LACK LUSTER💧💧💧

If you ask me, WHO has a bigger problem at hand?  Is it someone WHO just had that kind of LACKLUSTER performance?  OR is it someone WHO has yet to perform that it seems he just LACKS LUSTER even before the actual game, activity OR event commences?  I'd say the latter has a bigger challenge at hand because of two things.  Numero uno, and this is the most common dilemma amongst us.  Sometimes, we really LACK LUSTER but we're NOT aware of it at all.  Ironically, I've met close-up and first hand some folks WHO seem to LACK LUSTER but the way they strut their wares, they seem to carry too much weight, moving along and carrying on in a braggadocious manner.  Sounds more than just ill-advised moves💥💥💥

If there's something that should be the least of our concerns, it should be those LACKLUSTER performances [unless it becomes more than just outliers].  You can be the best musician BUT there will be those even 'small' moments in their performances that they wished hadn't gone that way.  LIKE an orchestra conductor, you could have practised enough on your own BUT DIDN'T get the feel for playing with your ensemble❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  Let us avoid mixing up those LACKLUSTER performances versus real-life situations WHERE we seem to LACK LUSTER, WHERE we seem to stand out in a crowd, WHERE even our expertise does NOT seem to be highlighted.  That means, you've got 'some work' to do BUT the most crucial thing here is for one to be aware that he LACKS LUSTER, so he's got to do more than just coming from a LACKLUSTER performance out there💚💛💜

Navigating Anger [CONTROL ANGER BEFORE ANGER CONTROLS YOU]!@#$%?

 

Question:  WHAT is the most complex rocket science?  YESirrrreeee, it is NAVIGATING ANGER!  And this age-old slogan "CONTROL ANGER BEFORE ANGER CONTROLS YOU"  should be embraced by us all from the time we wakeup till we hit the sack.  YES YES yowww, we all know WHAT ANGER is all about as we've felt it from time to time, either as the one manifesting it OR at times WHEN we are at the receiving end📗📙📘

WHETHER as a fleeting annoyance OR as indeed, a full-fledged rage, ANGER has always been considered completely normal and even a healthy human emotion.  In fact and in truth, the worst fears I dread to face in life [WHICH sometimes I still face these days randomly] is WHEN someone does NOT show OR express any emotion, much more ANGER❎❎❎

BUT here's the catch.  WHEN it gets out of hand and out of control and turns its ugly head of destructiveness, YES it can lead and develop to problems, WHETHER at work, in relationships and even in the overall quality of one's life.  End result?  ANGER can even make us feel as though we're at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion.  And while ANGER does vary in its intensity from a negligible slight irritation to an intense rage and fury, it is WHEN ANGER gets expressed WHEN we come to witness its ugly head💥💥💥

True, the instinctive and natural way to express ANGER is to respond aggressively as ANGER is that natural, adaptive response to threats and it inspires powerful and often aggressive feelings and behaviors, WHICH then allows us to fight and to defend ourselves WHEN we are attacked.  In the end, a certain amount of ANGER is necessary for our survival.  DON'T look far.  Let us recall those boxing fights involving Floyd Mayweather, Manny Pacquiao and even Muhammad Ali.  Once they step into the ring, they are in BEAST MODE😡😡😡

Our takeaway:  Let's take a step back and try to rationalize things.  Indeed, ANGER can be suppressed and then converted OR even redirected.  This happens WHEN we hold our ANGER, then stopped thinking about it, and then focus on something positive.  Our aim then is to inhibit OR suppress our ANGER and convert it into a constructive behavior.  No mean feat BUT if we can embrace this approach, let's go dude!!!