Stop Undermining Yourself!!!

I DON'T have the data to support BUT I strongly feel that if there's one thing we may be sometimes guilty BUT unaware, it is SELF-SABOTAGING.  THAT behavior which relates to an intentional action [OR even inaction] that undermines our own progress and prevents us from accomplishing our pre-set goals.  Sadly, SELF-SABOTAGE occurs WHEN people hinder their own success.  And WHILE it seems surprising, some people undermine their own good intentions.  Can we please Stop Undermining our own self???

The huge miss here is that WHEN we take self-destructive steps, that harmful behavior can negatively impact nearly every part of our lives and even extending to our relationships and our career, all ending up as collateral damage.  So, WHAT causes that self-sabotaging behavior?  People thwart their progress for a variety of reasons, sometimes, puzzling and unfathomable, quite one too many❎❎❎

As per studies, many times, SELF-SABOTAGING serves as our coping mechanism we use to deal with stressful situations and even past traumas.  Unfortunately, it typically makes problems worse and limits a person's ability to successfully move forward in a healthy way.  YES, sometimes people SELF-SABOTAGING might be aware of their actions, like when you're overweight and on a diet but here you are drowning in ice cream💧💧💧

Oh yes, sometimes, we unconsciously act.  Like WHEN we miss a work deadline.  On the surface, it seems like one is running late BUT the harsh truth is that he's afraid of failure and ends up SELF-SABOTAGING himself by missing the due date, thus thwarting his goal to move up in his dream promotion.  Researches also have shown that sometimes, this is caused by growing in a dysfunctional family, as that can contribute to the acts of SELF-SABOTAGE.  Without that secure attachment style, one might have an ambivalent OR avoidant attachment style.  A typical example would be our earliest engagement with caregivers as it affects HOW we connect to others😌😌😌

Our takeaway:  As we cannot be pinned down for some peculiar causes of undermining our own selves, we need to be actively conscious of our limitations like self-esteem as that could make us vulnerable.  Hey dude, experts tell us that even procrastination and perfectionism are the other culprits that end us up undermining our own self.  BUT we can and should do something and right the wrong, albeit NOT overnight.  Just STOP UNDERMINING YOURSELF, dude!!!

Moving Past Frustrations!

Not to be poetic, BUT even if the Trumps and the Rockefellers were born with a silver spoon in their mouth, if there is a common denominator across the human race, we were and we continue to be born together with FRUSTRATION guaranteed to happen in our lives.  Moving Past Frustrations!  YES, that's WHAT we need to tackle as otherwise FRUSTRATIONS are wrapping us, up and down, sometimes making us look hapless and helpless📗📙📘

Before we jump into the fray and share on the most common fixes, it behooves that we be equipped with the ways to detect IF and WHEN FRUSTRATION creeps into our lives.  Worst thing to happen is, IF FRUSTRATION has enveloped us and YET we are unaware that FRUSTRATION has taken over our lives.  YES, FRUSTRATION is a type of emotional reaction to stress.  It's common to have this feeling WHEN you encounter daily stressors in life💥💥💥

Thing is, FRUSTRATION comes in multifarious forms and shapes, and mind you, a big chunk of our FRUSTRATIONS would seem daily nuances, pettiness and nothing earth-shaking, like getting FRUSTRATED WHEN your partner forgets to take care of an important errand, OR you got FRUSTRATED the way you responded [call it reacted] to your partner's mistake.  BUT many FRUSTRATIONS are short-lived, that is😌😌😌

BUT again, sometimes [and maybe many times], FRUSTRATIONS can become longer-lasting, like WHEN you fell short to achieve a goal, either in academics OR financials OR in your business sales turnover.  And that's WHEN such FRUSTRATIONS can take its toll on one's health and well-being [and worse, even impacting relationships, leading to breakups, all because those FRUSTRATIONS went out of hand]❌❌❌

Our takeaway:  I may NOT be a psychologist OR a counsellor but I can tap from my past experiences.  WHEN I hit FRUSTRATION, I made it a point to get to the bottom of my emotions and find ways to cope.  HOW?  By reminding myself that THAT FRUSTRATION is temporary. By finding ways to distract myself.  By using mindfulness to focus on the moment without judgment.  By consciously shifting my attitude to be more positive.  And we need to realize that while we all feel stressed and FRUSTRATED occasionally, we DON'T need to allow those unwanted feelings to take over our life.  By managing our responses to stress and FRUSTRATION, we can reduce the impact and even lead us to improve our overall well-being.  YES dude,  it's all about MOVING PAST FRUSTRATIONS!!!

Disappearing Like A Shadow of Yourself?

Disappearing Like A Shadow of Yourself?

We all have a shadow self.  It is generally made up of the parts of our own selves WHICH we deem unacceptable.  For many people, this means things like our sadness, rage, laziness, amongst others.  For alignment, allow me to align with Carl Jung's definition of SHADOW SELF.  The unknown piece here is that the SHADOW SELF can include our own uncivilized and unacceptable things like our personal power, independence OR even our emotional sensitivity.   So, are we conscious enough when we Disappear Like A Shadow of Yourself???

Psychology researches showed that some of us DON'T realize that we have a SHADOW SIDE as we feel ashamed and sometimes, it's because of our lack of awareness.  We have NOT yet taken the journey of self, and instead project our own SHADOW unto others around us.  And that leads us to [wrong] think that we are sure [enough] that it's them WHO has the problem [and NOT us]📗📙📘

To borrow a jargon by psychologists, PSYCHOLOGICAL PROJECTION is another scenario WHEN we attribute an unconscious thought, feeling OR even talent of our own unto another person.  And WHEN it comes to the SHADOW itself, it be become seemingly an unacceptable attribute you may see in another person and the projection often comes couched in blame.  Does this sound familiar?  YES, I'll admit in the past I was guilty of this several times WHEN I would tend to pass the buck and heap the blame to someone, whereas overlooking my shortfalls💦💦💦

Let's take real-life scenarios here. For example, you might feel that everyone around you is either lazy and/or selfish.  The reason you never get ahead in life is apparently because they are all too self-absorbed to help you.  And if you looked at yourself with all honesty, you would likely find that it's you yourself WHO has that tendency to be self-centered [and maybe lazy as well].  So, WHEN I did dig up for this talking point, my curiosity lingered around if my SHADOW SIDE that bad?  Psychologists advise that although we might want to see our SHADOW as 'negative', that may NOT be true.  Instead, the SHADOW is rather WHAT you yourself perceive as dark and weak about yourself and therefore needing to be hidden and denied.  BUT they caution that this depends on your perspective and one's level of self-esteem as well✅✅✅

Our takeaway:  Carl Jung counsels us that we need to fully see and accept this dark side of ourselves to be a 'fully integrated human'.  And it is only through our own effort to learn WHO we are and cultivate self-acceptance that we can recognize and embrace our shadow and then benefit from the many gifts the shadow offers.  At the end of the day, let us NOT lurk even behind a shadow of ourselves because that's a double-whammy that may knock us off💥💥💥

Let's Fight The GOOD FIGHT!

Let's Fight The GOOD FIGHT!

Anyone WHO has NOT been into any fight in life yet?  If I see a show of hands, I'll conclude that very likely, you were born just yesterday.  WHY?  Simple.  Life is NOT life without any Let's Fight The GOOD FIGHT!  I admit that this expression is often used in Christian circles and even in Western culture in general.  Out of curiosity, I dug deep and to my amazement, I found out that this redundant wording was often used way back the 5th Century AD📗📙📘

WHILE typically this expression is more of a patriotic warfare idiom for good character revealed by persevering through NOT merely one battle BUT military campaigns extending over a period of time.  Swinging back to our daily life, it may NOT be often BUT the realities in life will confirm that from time to time, albeit rarely, we will get involved in various forms of a conflict leading to a FIGHT.  WHETHER we end up in a war of words is another story BUT let's call a spade a spade.  You can be the most timid OR civil BUT sometimes, you get [innocently] dragged into a FIGHT💦💦💦

This all boils down to us choosing, picking our battles.  WHY do we need to choose our battles wisely?  After all, life ISN'T measured by HOW many times you stood up to fight.  So, it's NOT winning fights and battles that will make us happy BUT it's HOW many times you turned away from it, and choose to look into a better direction.  Life is too short to spend it on warring.  Fight only the most, most, most important ones and let the rest go

Frankly, NOT every disagreement is worth your time and energy.  SO HOW?  Redirect your time, attention and energy on those stuff most beneficial and most relevant to you.  Being choiceful of even the problems, arguments and confrontations you get involved in, and saving your energy for the things that matter, is WHAT matters most.  WHAT this means, rather than confronting every single disagreement, it is imperative that you fight ONLY the most important ones and let the go of the rest.  WHY?  BECAUSE NOT every conflict is worth addressing.  Many disagreements are trivial and have NO effect in the long run.  WHEN you ask yourself if WHAT's bothering you now matters one year from now, chances are it WON'T and it's better to focus on the things that matter💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  The very essence of picking our battles before we FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT is that the very point of choosing our battles is to be protective of HOW you spend your time, which by itself is a very limited resource.  WHAT are the things that matter to you?  WHAT are your most important GOALS?  WHO are the most important people to you?  You may appear to win in every conflict BUT eventually you'll get exhausted✅✅✅

Are You Swimming UPSTREAM?

Are You Swimming UPSTREAM?

STRUGGLE is the nature of life and it enriches life.  Acknowledging that life is a STRUGGLE prepares us to face life squarely and work towards hurdling it.  BUT before we deep-dive to find the possible solutions, it makes sense that we dig up and figure out WHY those constant challenges keep hounding some of us.  MAYBE you're uncertain as to WHAT your goals are?  IF you DON'T have clear goals, it can be damn hard to stay on track.  Question is, till now, Are You [STILL] Swimming UPSTREAM???

Without GOALS as crystal clear as possible, it can be indeed hard to stay on track.  Without GOALS that you're working toward, you may feel like you're floundering aimlessly.  On the flip side of things, you'll do your best WHEN you have clear goals in mind.  Your GOALS can help you make decisions about your career, your finances, and your social life.  YES it seems easier to view struggles as challenges that you can overcome WHEN you have bigger GOALS ahead💥💥💥

BTW, do you insist on immediate gratification?  WHILE today's world offers a lot of INSTANT gratification in terms of same-day delivery, INSTANT movie streaming, INSTANT emojis, INSTANT likes, the rest of the world DOESN'T always move so quickly.  If you expect everything in life to come easy OR happen fast, it can lead one to a hell lot of frustration.  YES, patience is necessary WHEN you're overcoming obstacles in life.  Hard work takes time.  IF you expect immediate results, you'll likely end up disappointed, ending up with constant struggles💦💦💦

WHAT often complicates things is WHEN we face that difficulty in prioritizing WHAT to do first.  If you feel overwhelmed by all the changes you need to make, it's likely that you'll remain stuck.  Often, people want to lose weight, quit smoking, abandon drinking alcohol, BUT WHAT happens?  They struggle to prioritize WHAT to do first.  If you try to work on everything all at once, it is unlikely you'll be successful.  Trying to address too many problems at the same time can leave you paralyzed WHEN it comes to deciding WHAT to do first.  And that causes you to get stuck💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  BTW, do you give up easily WHEN things DON'T go the way you want?  IF you give up as soon as things DON'T go your way, it is highly unlikely you're going to be successful in overcoming all those constant STRUGGLES.  And a common mistake people make that keeps them STRUGGLING in life is that they give up once their very first attempt to solve the problem does NOT work.  I remember in my first attempt to test the labor market in Singapore, right at my airport of origin, I was flagged down by the immigration officer because my passport was expiring in less than six months [at that time].  So, are you STILL SWIMMING UPSTREAM till now, dude???

When Words Fail

When Words Fail

Looking back at the most recent years, HOW many times we witnessed When Words Fail.  Ukraine.   Gaza Strip and Palestine.  YES, even the U.S. Capitol.  And those spate of assassinations of leaders from the Hamas Hezbollah in Palestine.  All of these tell us one thing.  WORD FAILED, period.   In the midst of tiffs that turn to squabbles and full-blown conflicts, we DON'T need to argue that WORDS FAIL.  Ironically, the English language has 500,000 words while other major languages like French and German have 100,000 and 135,000 words respectively and YET, conflicts abound almost in every corner, even within households, within families, within the workplace and many communities.  WHY???

At work, it's quite normal people spend most of their time talking.  Like wrenches for the plumbers, words are our most frequently used tools of communication.  BUT WORDS DON'T always do the job.  Ironically, WORDS can do and trigger the opposite of WHAT we normally intend to and ironically, even without our intending it, WORDS can antagonize, inhibit, insult OR even threaten.  WORDS carry risks we cannot assess accurately because we DON'T know WHAT meaning they happen to have for the person we address.  Many a deal has been derailed because of somethings that was said.  So, WHAT can we do WHEN that happens?  Oooops, we are told: DON'T PANIC💦💦💦

Frankly, WHAT many of us would miss [in the heat of exchanges] is that WORDS are NOT the only means of communication.  If words are failing you, we may be able to get through to people some other way.  I can share my own travails in the past WHEN, in the heat of arguments, logic and reason seemed to have evaporated in thin air.  NOT until my emotions simmered down and I got back to my senses💥💥💥

YES, I agree with this poster I grabbed.  Even music speaks WHEN WORDS FAIL.  The lesson to draw from all our close shaves with conflicts is that it is often difficult to achieve a major shift in the tone of a negotiation through WORDS alone.  People listen to WORDS in a context and WHEN you're stuck in an impasse, it's usually the context you have to change.  Physical actions, such as I've just described can do that.  So, if you're stuck in a negotiation and nothing you can say seems to make a difference, endeavor to change tacks, change your framing😌😌😌

Our takeaway:  I did this proven tack in the past.  In the heat of arguments, I wrote on paper everything I wanted to blurt out and after finishing it, I slid the paper in a drawer.  In a short while, I realized that my emotions [a.k.a. blood pressure huhuhu] did simmer down significantly.  WHAT this tells us is that there are many more ways to communicate our intentions [call it arguments] than just WORDS.  Like a good plumber, we need to know HOW to use all the tools in our toolbox.  Despite the fact that the English language commands a huge reservoir of words, it is dumbfounding and too stretched to think that we're still running out of words.  On the contrary, to play devil's advocate, I'll heap the blame back to our English forefathers because with that overflowing reservoir of WORDS, we ended up to be abusing the context of WORDS way beyond its relevance❌❌❌

YES, We Lose Some, We Win Some!

WHO believes in winning streaks?  OR even in losing streaks?  I believe both, dude.  WHY?  Because in the past, I've been through the ringer, going through losing streaks and YES, there were times I was on a roll, and those were the times I felt I did reach the summit of Mount Everest after that scary and steep climb. YES, We Lose Some, We Win Some!  BUT you might wonder, WHY would we waste our time for this thread on something that is just too obvious?  Simple dude.  Some of us tend to feel they have been pushed to the edges after a string of endless loses.  WHEREAS some of us thought we can get intoxicated as part of the seemingly endless celebrations of our string and streak of wins📗📙📘

Surely you'll agree with me if I categorically state that life is an amazing journey that is completely and thoroughly unpredictable too.  It takes us through some of the most extraordinary moments and experiences as well as sad and distressing ones.  Just WHEN you feel relaxed and complacent, all hell may break loose WHEN calamities do strike and hit us hard.  Sometimes, you would discover things by serendipity and at times you DON'T seem to find things even though these are right before your eyes.  You save the best for last and still do NOT end up using them for yourself.  You often achieve WHEN you never thought was humanly possible for you and at times success thoroughly evades you in spite of putting in all your sweat, time and dedication just to give your 'BEST SHOT'💥💥💥

YES, life can be anything BUT unpredictable.  Does it NOT show the duality of our experiences in life?  The more we try reading between the lines OR try taming it OR making it conform to your wishes, the more it seems intractable and less amenable to any such maneuvers.  YES, life is all about the UPs and DOWNs just like a roller coaster ride.  One moment you are at the pinnacle, the very next moment takes you to the nadir.  WHAT is certain though is that there is a regular transition between the favorable and unfavorable times, good and bad experiences, just like the changing seasons.  It goes on to prove that nothing last forever❗❗❗

Here's the thing.  The BAD moments come to an end with the onset of GOOD ones and similarly, the GOOD ones come to an end by the onset of the BAD ones.  The moment you become arrogant OR start taking things for granted, just then life dashes all your hopes and crashes your flight midday.  And at that moment, you are forced to believe in the existence of some higher power that controls our life as well as our identity, that WHICH is omnipresent and all powerful.  That WHICH transcends any physical form OR shape and lends support to the theory that all events and happenings in this universe are governed at someplace else that is much beyond our own revelation💚💜💛

Our takeaway:  This is WHY we wonder if life is akin to playing a game of cards, NOT all hands are equally good and worth playing.  At times, you wind up much early in the game WHILE at others you are tempted to play till the end.  At times, you do exceedingly well by winning handsomely and at others you lose miserably.  YES dude, WE LOSE SOME, WE WIN SOME✅✅✅

Calmness In Chaos

Calmness In Chaos

The presence of CHAOS in our lives can really turn our world upside down.  And I admit I faced CHAOTIC situations many times in the past BUT through the years, I've learned to embrace it as an opportunity for growth and learning.  CHAOS can be defined as a state of disorder and/or massive confusion.  Even in Greek mythology, CHAOS was thought of as the origin of everything.  In short, we got to figure out that Calmness In Chaos📗📙📘

WHAT this means is that change OR growth could NOT occur before there was CHAOS.  Over to the scientists, CHAOS is thought of as an unpredictable surprise, WHAT might happen during natural disasters like floods, hurricanes and tsunamis.  Obviously, there are different degrees of CHAOS and sometimes there's NO time to prepare BUT having a 'go to' tool kit is helpful.  As per experts, CHAOS is the opposite of restoration OR healing.  WHEN in the midst of CHAOS, we imagine that things CAN'T get much worse and we might even think they'll never get better💧💧💧

I realize that once in a while, those encountering CHAOS can see the positive aspects of the experience.  I had a friend WHO went through a very difficult divorce BUT through that ordeal, he kept reminding himself that 'FROM ALL BAD COMES GOOD'.  YES, WHEN we're confronted with life challenges that might result in CHAOS, it is important that we employ coping devices that can help us navigate through them so we can move from the darkness into the light💥💥💥

With the holidays now in our calendars, it might be a good time for us to consider HOW we'll deal with the onslaught of CHAOTIC times often associated with this time of the year.  Establishing a sense of controlled CALM should be an important priority in our daily life.  Some ways to bring CALM into our life would include activities such as yoga, meditation, exercising, communing with nature OR reading.  Personally, meditation and writing are my personal anti-CHAOTIC activities💦💦💦

Our takeaway:  There are many mantras we can craft and even printing positive mantras like MAY I BE PEACEFUL AND AT EASE, MAY I BE FILLED WITH LOVINGKINDNESS, etc, the bottom-line is to digest all these positivities and translate it into concrete action.  We DON'T want to double-speak, spewing KINDNESS but unkind in our deeds.  We DON'T want to proclaim CALMNESS WHEN in fact, even the slightest snafu will trigger us end up in 'panic mode'.  Dude, let's start CONTROLLING what we can CONTROL😃😃😃

Until The Wheels Come Off

The consequences of a wheel loss incident can be that catastrophic and will always lead to follow up investigations.  BUT Until The Wheels Come Off, it is NEVER time to panic in life.  In fact, NOT even WHEN the WHEELS COME OFF.  Before moving fast with our narrative, point here is that, while the sun is shining and dandy, let us reap all the benefits and fruits that would abound during those times.  We DON'T want to miss it📗📙📘

HOW time flies.  During our years in school, we [wrongly] thought that time fleets by as slow as the snail moves.  It's true we keep harping [till now] that we got to enjoy the MOMENT but hey dude, sometimes, our fault is that we tend to enjoy the MOMENT way too long, way too far, after that previous MOMENT is gone.  Sounds familiar?  WHEN we thought those WHEELS will never come off?  Remember even the most tightened bolts will suffer the brunt of its wear and tear💥💥💥

As we transition into the job market, many times we tend to end up into that same conundrum as we end up hopping from one stint to another.  A few years ago, I was coaching someone [to prepare him for a job interview] and WHEN I asked him a typical low-hanging question like HOW DO YOU SPEND YOUR TIME?  I almost fell off my chair WHEN he responded:  'SLEEPING'!@#$%?  Oops I told myself, has today's generation gone deep south this far, this bad???

Moving fast forward to realistic scenarios WHEN indeed the WHEELS COME OFF, the question is, HOW ready are we to cope and handle such unexpected twists in our life journey?  Sadly, from my tower WHERE I'm perched from atop, I'm saddened to witness [first hand] many of our Gen Z's NOT that ready, NOT that ripened to handle unexpected situation like WHEN THE WHEELS COME OFF in their own lives💧💧💧

Our takeaway:  As we have a light-years ahead for a head-start, there is NOT an iota of reason to exculpate us from an eventual guilt WHEN we are unable to handle things WHEN THE WHEELS COME OFF.  WHEN should we be readying up?  Only after we get bruised and scathed?  NOT the way to go dude as we have more than enough light-years to ready up ourselves WHEN THE WHEELS COME OFF😌😌😌

When Does TRANSFORMATION Kick-in?

 

All along, TRANSFORMATION has always been [wrongly] thought as the buzzword ONLY either in business OR at the workplace.  NO sirrrrrrrrrrrs.  It is as relevant as well in our daily life because we CAN'T compartmentalize life itself and bury it deep in each different silo.  To simplify this misconception about TRANSFORMATION, it can be spelled into C-H-A-N-G-E because, to piggy-back on an age-old cliche, CHANGE is the only permanent thing!!!

In the shortest words, everyone of us need to TRANSFORM [likely NOT just once OR twice in our life] BUT the bigger ASK is:  HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO TRANSFORM someone?  YES, that is a question that does spark a thousand thoughts.  Again, WHAT's quite seem to be daunting here is that TRANSFORMATION sounds something grandiose OR complex BUT IT'S NOT.  There are those small, tiny-whiny TRANSFORMATIONS that can take considerably less time than we [wrongly perceive]❎❎❎

BUT to set expectations, "EPIC TRANSFORMATIONS" really take more time.  Through the years, I did bear witness on first hand quite a zillion TRANSFORMATIONS that got initiated.  Simply put, there are two scenarios that trigger such and a big chunk of it is triggered OUT OF NECESSITY.  Practical and real life examples are inefficient processes, bungled processings, a process flaw OR error causing a process to bog down.  In our personal life, TRANSFORMATIONS arising out of need may be triggered by very common scenarios such as:

• A problem arises and TRANSFORMATION is the best option
• A situation is acceptable BUT it needs to be improved 
• A mindset that embodies proactiveness for TRANSFORMATION
• A TRANSFORMATION is mandated by the organization

If someone will pick my brain, I would NOT opt for the last trigger [as listed above] because taking action for compliance purposes DOESN'T sound good at all.  WHY initiate TRANSFORMATION simply because it is required?  WHY get into that TRANSFORMATION only because you are forced to?  A huge miss here is the need for us humans to initiate our own TRANSFORMATION anytime in life WHERE we need to change for the better💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  In the simplest terms, we have simplified TRANSFORMATION to instead call it as CONTINUOUS IMPROVEMENT.  WHICH meant that regardless if there are hiccups OR none at all, it makes sense to get this best practice embedded within ourselves because we CAN'T and SHOULDN'T be complacent with WHAT or WHO we are because there will always be rooms for improvement.  Can we have that TRANSFORMATION mindset embedded in our life, dude😃😃😃