Giving More Impetus To LISTENING

 

Is LISTENING worth our time today?  Me thinks we owe it to ourselves to dig a bit beyond the surface and figure out if LISTENING is one of those endemic and chronic causes of disconnects in our interactions either within our family home, at the workplace or in the midst of our business forays.  The scariest part is that one slightest disconnect can quickly spiral to become a full-blown 'winner-take-all' conflict

Let's take a step back and figure out the most common catalyst of communications and that generally, there is a purposeful reason for it.  Let's exclude here all the idle talk of kibitzers and nosy folks around the neighborhood.  In short, generally, at least one of the two parties has a genuine reason for starting a conversation and once you oblige when your arm is pulled closer, LISTEN sincerely

WHETHER the purpose of the initiator is more on relationships [either at work OR at home], OR financials OR health OR simply tapping the helpline for advice and counselling, it behooves that we give our 100% attention because in the first place, we obliged WHEN we got pulled over, right?  IF you're engaged in something that CAN'T be disrupted, in a polite manner, you should explicitly excuse yourself

WHAT IF someone wants to confide to you his/her personal health concerns and your body language somehow gave the impression that you were obliging to have that tete-a-tete and while your friend starts narrating, here you are, so engaged and 'hostaged & hogtied' by and unto your own smartphone???

Our takeaway:  Allow me to piggy-back on that age-old cliche "DON'T DO UNTO OTHERS WHAT YOU DON'T WANT OTHERS TO DO UNTO YOU".  Let's face it.  IF and WHEN you get caught with conflicting tasks OR priorities, to be fair, be transparent enough to excuse yourself [because sometimes, we could be in an 'intense' exchange of messages in social media WHICH may be deemed more important for you.  In short, without shoving off someone, you can politely ask LIKE 'CAN I GET BACK TO YOU IN 5 minutes?'

Dealing With Our 'BAD DAYS'

 

So, HOW's your BAD DAYS?  Please DON'T tell us that you never had one?  We've all had those days WHERE it feels like nearly everything goes wrong.  WHILE you were running late for work, you spilled coffee on your new pants.  Then on your way home, your car broke down and you ended up missing your best friend's birthday party.  Ouchhhh.  WHAT IF you get hit with that BAD LUCK in a streaky way?  That's one kind of a nightmare because that can bog you down and even mentally drain you📘📙📗

Some other time, all it takes is one bad event to turn your GOOD day into a BAD one.  LIKE a rough meeting at work can put you in a negative frame of mind for the rest of the day and make you look at everything through those negative blinders.  WHATEVER the cause OR the trigger was, I can attest that it's damn hard to dig yourself out of a crummy day.  On the other hand, it is NOT that impossible IF and WHEN you are determined enough to extricate yourself out of that deep foxhole.  And WHILE there is NO cure to instantly turn your day around, there are tools you can have under your belt to keep a lousy day from hijacking your overall outlook on any given day💙💛💚

Psychologists coined a proven trick tagged as '3M'  for MINDFULNESS, MOVING and MENTAL reset.  WHEN we're in the midst of a bad day, it can be hard to stop and reflect on your feelings because sometimes, a BAD day is just a BAD day.  BUT a lot of times, there may be a deeper cause behind your emotional response to things going wrong.  Is it either anger, sadness OR resentment?  Researches have proven that knowing and naming your feelings is incredibly helpful✅✅✅

Other studies do tell us that in order to SHAKE OFF a bad day, you need to do just that.  GET ACTIVE and MOVE although let's admit it, this is easier than done especially WHEN we are so overwhelmed by our emotions that we DON'T want to move at all.  BUT if you do consider to MOVE your body, your mind will follow.  I can attest to that proven best practice the days WHERE the stars were NOT aligned in my favor because I realized that sitting still gives our FEELINGS that time to 'fester', if you may call it😌😌😌

Our takeaway:  As I had my fair share of BAD DAYS many a zillion times in the past, I can attest that the last thing we want to opt for is to 'BABY SIT' those BAD DAYS.  LIKE deciding to cancel your TO-DO List.  LIKE locking yourself in the room the rest of the day.  LIKE ignoring the people WHO want to talk to you.  LIKE shutting off yourself and literally 'exiling' yourself somewhere even for just a day.  Those WON'T fix your bad days.  You got to gather and have that gumption to endeavor turning things around from BAD to GOOD at all cost❗❗❗

When Your Ranking Is HIGH But Your Clicks Are LOW

 

In the SEO [Search Engine Optimization] world, WHAT matters most are two variables namely the RANKINGs and the CLICKs [and nothing lese].  BUT we're NO SEO experts so we won't dip into that thread.  Instead, we'd like to dive into the analogy in our life, that is, WHEN you seem popular [and therefore your RANKING Is HIGH] BUT you may NOT be genuinely accepted by your community or your colleagues [and therefore your CLICKS are LOW]!@#$%?

This brings me to a bit touchy stuff to discuss.  In life, by circumstance OR even as planned, we get involved in various endeavors, sometimes ending up as recognized and accepted by our peers, our colleagues and/or communities.  BUT the flip side of everything else is to really ask our own selves are very genuine [and brutally frank] question:  Are we genuinely appreciated by the people we get engaged in life???

This is quite debatable BUT the general concept of being popular is manifested for either being well-known OR having that high degree of visibility in a social circle.  It could stem from one's social media following being seen either as influential OR known OR probably recognized for one's achievements OR characteristics.  BUT if you're in that "NOT SO" bracket, it may imply to a lack of deep OR meaningful connections despite one's given popularity within a group💥💥💥

We've known all of them.  That good-looking, charismatic and impeccably dressed kids WHO were [undoubtedly] smart and sometimes, cool and trendy.  YES maybe you were one of them [and frankly, you should beat your chest with pride on that].  OR maybe you were one of those 'unnoticeable' kids WHO were satisfied enough being on the sidelines, cheering up the 'up and coming' so called 'leaders of the pack'.  YES, I vividly recall my high school days WHICH was a unique experience.  It's akin to that coin.  We're either popular OR NOT popular.  We were either the sociable one OR the plainly dressed one, existing incognito [even way back before Google became part of our daily lives]💚💛💜

Our takeaway:  This is NOT a hard choice to decide BUT eventually, it's worth asking ourselves.  Do we prefer to be POPULAR by status?  OR be POPULAR by likeability?  And likeability may NOT necessarily mean to be in that high of a status in society BUT one WHOSE contributions and/or impact to the group OR to the community is recognized well enough.  And to me, that's the ultimate plum to achieve.  LIKE at the workplace, WHEN I witnessed several of my mentees going up the corporate ladder and have now become full-fledged managers, I strongly felt that their sense of achievement  resonates well enough as to WHETHER our ranking is HIGH yet our clicks are LOW😡😡😡

That 'ELEVATOR PITCH'

 

Bonus question to everyone:  WHAT percentage of your questions OR ASKs were either responded OR addressed to, within 1-2 minutes?  If I may guess, I'll speculate that approximately less than 5% of those questions OR ASKs were responded to OR addressed within that very tight window spanning 1-2 minutes.  You might retort LIKE 'WHAT RESULTS OR OUTCOME can you expect in 1-2 minutes?'  Precisely, that's a good question.  BUT do you know that many successful folks have mastered that 'ELEVATOR PITCH' over time???

In these times WHERE technology is the dominant factor [if NOT player] in almost all communications.  And from my own experiences culled through the years, the most difficult part through the whole gamut of a specific thread is starting it off, opening it up.  I recall those ticklish issues in the past WHERE the 'MESSENGER' apps was NOT yet existing and yet, I was the 'MESSENGER' of topics that need to be escalated to the senior tier levels📗📙📘

Typically, you will either shoot out an email OR get into that fortress of an office of C-Suite level of executives.  Frankly, either option is really NEITHER enticing NOR palatable given the sensitivity of a topic you want to raise, and given its ramifications that could spread out across to multiple workstreams📌📌📌

By now, you're probably so eager-beaver [OR do I say 'itching'] to ask WHAT's the fuss of that elevator pitch.  In a sarcastic manner, you might tell me WHAT IF THERE'S NO ELEVATOR in the first place.  No problem dude.  If there's NO ELEVATOR, surely the executive will go through the flights of stairs, right?  And that's not far different from the ELEVATOR PITCH we're pushing for✅✅✅

Our takeaway:  Allow me to spill the beans here, without putting our executives on the spot.  WHY do ELEVATOR PITCHes really matter?  Primero, those are the precarious moments WHEN you're able to reach the 'beach head' and bring up a subject OR topic to the boss.  By itself, your overflowing sweat should have simmered down.  Secondly, studies show that generally, bosses will either respond favorably OR in a worst case scenario, will remain cool, without manifesting his eventual reaction BUT that is a much better 'staging area' rather than you at the receiving end of the wrath and fury.  In short, an ELEVATOR PITCH can defuse the severity of a discussion.  BUT dude, this takes practice and preparedness, never an overnight stuff😔😔😔

Can Small Things Help Build Our Future Success?

 

Typically, our life aspirations are pretty much aligned, LIKE, to be successful, to land a rewarding job in a top-tier organization, to eventually have a brand-new car you can call as 'MINE', settle down and build your family then buy your family home.  In essence, all those aspirations are laudable.  BUT if you step back and validate yourself if you can actually become that person you dream and aspire to achieve, let's rethink in case there were factors OR reasons that you were simply 'fantasizing' about reaching those milestone successes.  And obviously, in case you have reached those points, you WON'T need to dream about one day making it happen.  Instead, you'd be living it!  So, Can Small Things Help Build Our Future Success???

True, it is easy to get intimidated OR daunted by the idealized future we've created in our mind because from our own perspective, we seem to be a million miles away from reaching that stage.  In fact, at that point in time, HOW can you assess if you'll ever reach those points WHICH is quite a tough call to make.  Sometimes, the contrast between WHO you are and WHO you want to be is so stark, you might wonder if it's just a pipe dream???

Playing devil's advocate, sometimes we'll here at the workplace that WHEN it comes to winning at work, we have to focus on the big things and we DON'T need to sweat the small stuff??? Not so fast, dude.  Because in real life, those small stuff do matter and based on the wealth of experience we have behind us, I can somehow claim that it might even matter more than you could possibly imagine.  In the early years WHEN I was an upstart, those 'bread crumbs' matter and I managed to gather it through sheer perseverance✅✅✅

YET YET YET, everyone talks about the 'BIG PICTURE', right?  BUT c'mon, if we dissect things, every 'BIG PICTURE' that is ever created is created with one brush stroke at a time.  There was simply NO 'Big Bang' that generated that 'BIG PICTURE'.  I came across a historical footnote stating that Leonardo da Vinci's friends mocked him for using those small brushstrokes for coming up with his Mona Lisa masterpiece.  The cynics said that it took him FOREVER!  BUT at the end of the day, the egg was on their faces because Da Vinci had a masterpiece.  WHAT that tells us is that indeed, little things matter especially when it is taken from a collective and comprehensive perspective.  Indeed, WHAT better testimonial than that Mona Lisa work of art recognized through centuries💚💛💜

Our takeaway:  WHILE there is NO crystal-clear formula we can execute to generate success, let's keep things simpler here.  If you're a chess woodpusher, DON'T belittle even the probably pawns you can prey on because eventually, you can build up from there through the middle game until you reach the end game with reinforced defenses ready enough to initiate the offensive when the slightest opportunity arises.  CAN SMALL THINGS HELP BUILD OUR FUTURE SUCCESS?  Absolutely dude!!!

What's DOWN IN THE WELL COMES UP IN THE BUCKET!

What's DOWN IN THE WELL COMES UP IN THE BUCKET!

Our thread today has NO intended parallelism to the laws of gravity at all.  What's DOWN IN THE WELL COMES UP IN THE BUCKET!  Neither is this a Christian thread although for Christians, you might have heard the old saying in Proverbs 14 goes:  "WHAT'S IN THE WELL COMES UP IN THE BUCKET".  Translating this into layman's terms may either get us in trouble OR keep us out of trouble along the way💚💛💜

In the simplest terms, our words, our ways and even our choices are an amalgamation and reflection of our very heart.  WHAT we say and do is the result of our focus.  A heart with all the positivity will be totally different from a heart filled with evil, negativity and desires that may lead one astray towards difficulties and worse, destruction and worst, even death, knock on wood.  Psychologists did a 'clinical way' of dissecting these disparate kinds of heart and it did give me a better grasp of things💧💧💧

The analogy here really is between that well and our heart.  And taking a lift from those researches, their first ASK is this:  IS YOUR HEART contaminated OR poisoned. And digging deeper, HOW's our own words OR actions?  Is it negatively impacting OR hurting others?  In the most literal sense, we CAN'T draw water from an empty well.  Instead, we must fill our 'thirsty' soul with the best intentions, all in the spirit of good faith.  Psychologists shared these CHALLENGE questions to ponder:

• Did I say OR do something that was NOT made in good faith?
• Was I motivated by selfishness [call it GREED] in my actions?
• How did I impact people?  Was it positively OR negatively?

From an analogy perspective, if down deep into the well, if it is muddy, WHAT else would you expect from therein?  On the other hand, if there's clean spring water down deep there, then that is WHAT we should expect to come up in our bucket.  Within our own lives, WHAT's down deep in our inner self is WHAT comes out WHEN we are in conflict.  And WHEN something challenges OR affirms our values OR beliefs, YES, the likelihood is that we will discover WHAT is 'down there in the bucket'💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  Truth to tell, it takes a lifetime for us to ensure that that well up to its deepest point should be as clean and crystal clear as possible.  And we need to endeavor to avoid, where possible, of even a tinge of dirt that should spread out.  On the same breadth, that's the challenge of a lifetime within us as we need to constantly endeavor to have our innermost self as clean as possible, barring things that are 'force majeure' in life because at the end of the day, we are our own custodians of our own WELLS IN LIFE😀😀😀

Are You MORE SPOON THAN SOUP?

 

How often have you crossed paths with people WHO tend to be over-stepping boundaries?  Are You MORE SPOON THAN SOUP?  Challenge here is that discussions about BOUNDARIES in life is one of the most sensitive threads to deep-dive.  For some people, discussion around BOUNDARIES often brings up a lot of resistance.  Verily true, we often hear about the importance of BOUNDARIES.  However, we DON'T hear OR see as often about HOW to handle overstepping BOUNDARIES OR WHAT healthy BOUNDARIES really look like.  Through the years, I've been on each side of the multiple BOUNDARIES where I myself was either identified OR affiliated by affinity OR circumstance📗📙📘

On one hand, we have seen people WHO use BOUNDARIES as those imaginary rigid walls OR barriers.  BOUNDARIES for them are forms of 'electric fences' to protect themselves from being hurt OR being intimidated at the very least.  And they seem to find it difficult to trust people OR express vulnerability and as a result, they feel isolated and even disconnected.  On the other hand, we have another extreme of people WHO think it's selfish to express BOUNDARIES.  They tend to put someone's needs above their own and as a result, they would end up feel depleted and resentful💥💥💥

The biggest question stomping me now is WHAT really are the HEALTHY BOUNDARIES?  True, many people see BOUNDARIES as imaginary lines that separate you from others, something like your own personal space, so to speak.  Me thinks, I see it differently though.  Setting BOUNDARIES means simply expressing WHAT we prefer.  Being straightforward.  Saying HOW and WHAT we feel.  Asking for changes!!!

LIKE standing for WHAT we believe in despite potential disapproval [or worse, even a backlash].  Saying NO without having a need to make excuses [or, apologize at that!] OR even justify our preference.
At the same time, BOUNDARIES are NOT there to control WHAT other people do OR DON'T.  It also DOESN'T mean that we will always get WHAT we want. In short, BOUNDARIES are about defining and following our preferences, personal integrity desires and even our needs💚💛💜

Our takeaway:  More than anything else, and more than any sensitivity of any person [even those closest to you], WHAT is really the crux of the matter is that it is damn crucial to know yourself more and your own personal truth if you really want to develop and envision those HEALTHY BOUNDARIES.  In short, to heed WHAT we're hearing from the experts themselves, our PERSONAL BOUNDARIES are and should be based on our very own VALUE SYSTEM and perspective and might be totally different from those of your friends, and even your immediate family and relatives.  Bottom line is, NOBODY and NOBODY else BUT YOU can tell you WHERE your BOUNDARIES like.  So, ARE YOU MORE SPOON THAN SOUP [meaning, are you overstepping BOUNDARIES]???

When Social Media Gets 'EXPLOITED'!

 

As recent as five years back, Nepalese artist Nisha Ghimire achieved the biggest goal in her life WHEN she was crowned as Miss Nepal.  Not long after that coronation, she went for a holiday in Dehradun, India and sadly, she got injured in an accident, suffering injuries that were serious enough such that, even after returning to Nepal, she ended up bedridden until she died a few years later.  With due respect and courtesy to the late Nisha Ghimire, I won't publish her pictures just before she succumbed to death💟💟💟

Before I get suspected to sensationalize her tragic end, WHAT's heart-rending is that throughout those months she was bedridden WHILE her family was financially constrained to find the best hospitals to save her life, snippets of information shared is that from time to time, throngs of friends and even people WHOM she hardly recognized as friends would, from time to time, come to 'sort of' visit her, with all the pictures taken here and there.  And expectedly, those pictures would get posted in their social media accounts, garnering tons of LIKEs & HEARTs.  Whewwww!!!  At the expense of the poor hapless Nisha Ghimire!!!  And this is WHEN things become sadder😌😌😌

Before things turn scarier, I'd like to make reference to a study by the American Psychological Association WHO, while acknowledging that everyone of us is vulnerable to the ramifications and implications of social media, hold your breath, the most vulnerable segment are the young brains.  Studies showed that starting at the age of 10, children's brains undergo that fundamental shift that spurs them to seek social rewards [and that includes attention, approval and affirmation especially from their own peers].  NOW, the mother of all ironies is that we adults and parents will even hand them smart phones!@#$%?

NOT to besmirch the leaders in the social media industry BUT the harsh truth is that these social media platforms [e.g. Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat amongst others] have provided crucial opportunities for interaction that are a normal part of development, especially during a time of severe isolation prompted during that dreaded Covid-19 pandemic.  BUT they have also been increasingly linked to mental health issues including anxiety, depression, name it❌❌❌

Our takeaway:  I remember our generation WHERE arriving in school with a pair of new jeans may make heads turn [and even getting the attention of your high school crush] BUT alas, today, it's worlds away from posting a video on TikTok that may get thousands of VIEWs and LIKEs and this part of WHAT makes online interactions so vastly different from in-person ones is their permanent nature.  LIKE after you walk away from a regular conversation, you DON'T know if the other person liked it OR if anyone else liked it, then it's over.  BUT that's NOT true in SOCIAL MEDIA, dude😡😡😡

A Couple Of Bounces Going Your Way Is All You Need

 

A Couple Of Bounces Going Your Way Is All You Need.  I've never experienced WHAT Americans have had wherein they are called to report for military assignments in Iraq, Afghanistan and all those major global hot spots.  Reading some of the memoirs from these military alumni, they were vividly describing the perils and risk of their military assignments as land mines and bombs were everywhere, even in fields that seemed placid and peaceful.  And they attested witnessing first hand to lose colleagues while deployed at the military fronts.  BUT we'll NOT delve about those military engagements BUT instead, allow me to draw the parallelisms with our life journeys as the roads we're threading are peppered with land mines as well❌❌❌

Fulfilling our dreams and our ability to thrive in the areas of our life that matter most can be simplified by breakthroughs, those moments in time WHEN the impossible becomes possible.  If anyone wants to thrive in any area of one's life, they have to reach a point of breakthrough WHERE they will NOT settle for anything less than extraordinary in that area💥💥💥

As the poetic line goes, A COUPLE OF BOUNCES GOING YOUR WAY IS ALL YOU NEED.  That is, IF anyone wants to look forward for that breakthrough, WHETHER that's in one's business, OR intimate life  OR even in one's work life, everyone is advising us that there are KEY AREAS where we should seek that breakthrough.  Primero, it boils down to one's STRATEGIES, those shortcuts that help people get more done in less time.  WHAT is it that gets some people to succeed WHILE others fail WHO seem to have equal enthusiasm OR passion for the task???  

We've heard very successful narratives like someone WHO was born very poor, without university education, and facing both emotional and even financial challenges BUT still found their way to be highly successful and living an inspired life.  Hey, I DON'T believe that's being lucky because luck is WHAT you do for a day OR a week, strategies are WHAT make it consistently happen for years and even decades.  A strategy in life can be found even in the simplest OR slightest distinction and it can happen in an instant.  Let's look at real-life narratives like losing weight.  There are fitness clubs, health coaches, even dieticians, training videos, name it.  YET, in a recent research, 65% of Americans are overweight and 33% obese and those numbers keep going up❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  Looking at that recent research, my take is that NOT that people DON'T have their own strategy BUT likely they are NOT using a strategy that works for them OR acting upon it.   True, we all have narratives we tell ourselves about WHAT we can OR cannot do OR achieve in our life.  WHETHER we believe that we can OR can't, we're usually right because our expectation controls our focus, our perceptions, and the way we feel and act.  Again, A COUPLE OF BOUNCES GOING YOUR WAY IS ALL YOU NEED to have that breakthrough😊😊😊

Too Many Goals?

 

How's your goals?  Do you have a shortfall of GOALS?  OR do you have TOO MANY GOALS?  If I may make a wild guess, you would likely fall on the right side of the spectrum, that is, having TOO MANY GOALS!!!  So, are you one of those WHO is always working toward one of the many goals in your journal?  Constantly thinking ABOUT WHAT'S next, HOW to be better, WHERE your life is headed to and HOW can you better tomorrow from WHAT you are right now??? 

NOT too long ago, I admit I was obsessed in setting GOALS left, right, center, front, rear, name it.  End result?  I found myself drained, exhausted, zapped.  WHAT was my realization then?  I told myself I seem to be living in the FUTURE and NOT the PRESENT!@#$%?  True, I think I had such laser focus on accomplishing the GOALS I set BUT I missed out BIG TIME as I stretched my too thinly across one too many goals, I missed out enjoying WHAT I was doing and worst of worst, that led me straight to burnout, whew.  NOT because any of my goals WASN'T something I wanted BUT because all of them out together created that constant 'GO-GO-GO' state💧💧💧

This reminds me of someone trying to help restore order in my chaotic situation then WHEN he blurted:  WHO HAS TIME FOR PAINTING AND PHOTOGRAPHY WHEN THE REAL WORK OF ACHIEVING AND ACCOMPLISHING NEEDS TO BE DONE YET?  If there's one NOT so obvious human frailty, it is our tendency to resort for constant perfectionism, planning everything out, even saving the world, anything to keep us busy in order to avoid the vulnerability and uncertainty that comes with PAUSING and being yourself💥💥💥

One realization WHICH caused me to struggle with was realizing that JOY HAPPENS IN THE ORDINARY MOMENTS.  And alas, some of us tend to be busy chasing the 'EXTRAORDINARY' that, in the end, causes us to MISS ALL THE JOY.  At one point, I felt very conflicted.  Should I GO GO GO and accomplish amazing things and leap tall buildings in a single bound?  OR do I find joy in the ORDINARY MOMENTS, gratitude for the life I lead and happiness in the every day???

Our takeaway:  After rounds of soul-searching, it seemed like one COULDN'T happen alongside the other and something had to give.  And in order for me to be able to find the right balance, I felt that I needed to get some space from my multifarious goals.  I even thought then that a purposeful break to unwind and recharge and spend time WHAT actually brings me joy, NOT WHAT I think I should aim for.  So, if you yourself are currently going through the same whirlwind of 'over-achievement' and are feeling a little burn out, I realized I need to TAKE A BREAK from my goals and refocus on the PRESENT, live IN THE MOMENT.  Frankly one TOO MANY GOALS has its drawbacks😔😔😔