A Relationship Does NOT Fix A Problem

A Relationship Does NOT Fix A Problem

We all have our share of problems.  Life is NOT problem-free.  You're down.  You're depressed.  You're feeling detached.  You're overwhelmed with endless problems piling up and compounding in terms of complexity and implications to your daily life.  Look around the world.  How many times have we come across someone who's into that deep morass.  Before you know it, the person plunges into a Relationship.  WHO wants to speculate as to what motivated [a.k.a. PUSHED] him into that game-changing decision?  You're 'spot on'.  He went into that DECISION out of NECESSITY.  And WOULD you want to guess WHAT's that NECESSITY?  Yes dude, that was the NECESSITY to run away from the problems that were overwhelming him.  BUT hey, A Relationship Does NOT Fix A Problem, NOT at all.  On a very temporary circumstance, yes, all the excitement into that relationship will push back into oblivion the avalanche of problems you got.  BUT FOR HOW LONG❓❓❓

That's the thing.  Many of us [yes folks, I was guilty of that before] wrongly think that that kind of decision will rescue you and effectively extricate you out of your problems.  NO sirrrrrrs.  It NEVER will happen.  WHY?  It's all simply because a square peg will NOT fit a round hole.  Every pairing has to be mapped and matched.  A FIX for the sake of being a FIX will NOT resolve a problem that, for either logical OR practical reasons you expect your issue to be fixed!@#$%?

Yes folks, here's the best analogy.  Plunging into a relationship thinking that that FIXES a big chunk of your problems is akin to you running to grab alcohol and get drunk OR worse, getting into drugs UNTIL it drives you into addiction.  WHAT's the end result after all these hullaballoo?  The magnitude and complexity of your problems were hardly dented despite that quick FIX you wrongly thought will FIX most if NOT all your issues💥💥💥

WHAT's the antidote for all these?  As this poster goes, TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for your problems.  That is the long and short of it.  By burying your problem underneath with superficial FIXES does NOT help in fact and in truth.  WHEN the party's over, WHEN honeymoon's over, WHERE does that lead you to?  Good guess. You'll be back with your pestering problems right in your face❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  NEVER underestimate the underlying consequences of WRONG decisions, either because the reasons cannot be supported either logically OR even for all practical reasons.  Worst of all, as this poster goes. WHO knows, you're trying to fix a different kind of problem.  Dude, before you take that monumental DECISION, think about it a hundred times please✅✅✅

Why LOVE Should Be Effortless

Why LOVE Should Be Effortless

Is it true that LOVE should be effortless?  Yes dude, I fully and unequivocally subscribe to this.  WHY do we need to push ourselves to the edges of the cliff, all because of LOVE?  WHY move mountains, all because of LOVE? WHY sacrifice yourself and your soul, all because of LOVE?  WHY tons of sweat need to be exerted, all because of LOVE?  Indeed, Why should LOVE be Effortless?  This will be an exciting debate because surely, a plurality, if NOT  a majority of us, would have exerted tons of efforts till to date, all because of LOVE?  Regrettably, why does our life need to reach the precipice of life wherein all these are needed to fix what is damaged📗📙📘

Let's NOT look very far back in life.  ISN'T it initially, LOVE was EFFORTLESS?  Even when fueled and punctuated by infatuation, lust and excitement, it's still EFFORTLESS.  Then, over time, the need for EFFORT in love arises.  All because we accumulate grievances and it's true, experience does hurt too.  We then hold on to pain, we tend to hold on to the past, and every time we meet, it is our past that seems to meet.  In the end, many of us ebd up struggling to let go, forgive and move on.  Then, without that overriding force of initial lust to mitigate the pain, we then exert extra EFFORT to sustain the relationship.  Sadly, that situation pushes us to ask ourselves, why does that situation need to worsen and go that far❓❓❓

Psychologists caution us that this situation is NOT limited to romantic relationships alone.  BUT that this is prevalent across all forms of human connections, whether it be at work, in business or in our social life.  The commonality across all these is that we get hurt OR feel that hurt because of our expectations.  And in layman's terms, heartbreak is the consequence of those expectations being unfulfilled.  This could be a play of words but as poets would love to say it, in TRUE LOVE there is NO heartbreak because heartbreak only exists due to BROKEN demands, BROKEN expectations, BROKEN hopes, BROKEN ego💦💦💦

So, as we live in a world of 'pros and cons', of instant gratification, of swiping left OR right even within relationships, regardless whether one will stay OR go, the truth is we want things to be rosy all the time. So, this is not debatable, that we all want our relationships to be effortless💥💥💥

So, WHEN will LOVE be effortless?

• WHEN we commit to loving ourselves first and foremost
• WHEN we listen to understand rather than listen to speak
• WHEN we focus on WHAT's working rather than WHAT's NOT
• WHEN we see that it's our thinking that determines our state of mind and NOT WHAT our partner does OR does NOT do

Your SUCCESS Is Your CHOICE

Your SUCCESS Is Your CHOICE

Do we agree that Your SUCCESS Is Your CHOICE? I could agree NO LESS because it is us ourselves WHO will define and dictate our path to SUCCESS.  Straight from university, deep in my heart, I wanted to be a lawyer.  And with a partial [50%] scholarship, I was admitted to our country's recognized #1 law school.  BUT instead of progressing through my law studies, I was one confused fellow even WHILE I was approaching the crossroads of my life📗📙📘

That time, it's true I wanted to be a lawyer, dreaming to be a legitimate blue chip one by starting my path right from the portals of my country's #1 law school.  HOWEVER, early on, I had an opportunity to join global giant SHELL Group as a technology trainee.  Then, within my fingers, I started to count the years until I become a full-fledged lawyer, that is, IF EVER, I will hurdle all the pains and sacrifices going UP THE LADDER.  Then I did an apples-to-apples comparison if I joined SHELL.  Will it take me approximately the same five years to be successful in my fledgling career @SHELL versus my aspirations to be a lawyer💦💦💦

So, it was a runaway no-brainer decision I had to make simply because I was confident that in a year or two [max], I would reap the first 'tranche' of financial dividends early in my career WHEREAS had I pursued my 'lawyer' aspirations, on the barest minimum, I need to clock out five solid years based on multiple optimistic assumptions that will pave the way for me to graduate from law school and hurdle the bar examinations. Based on practical reasons, I made that decision and that defined my path towards that path of SUCCESS.  In a nutshell, you CAN'T blame your parents or any Tom, Dick and Harry if you got waylaid in that eventual SUCCESS [or FAILURE] that resulted💧💧💧

In summary, SUCCESS could mean different things to different people. And even within the same person, the path towards SUCCESS can change and swing depending on that person's decision [regardless if it was an informed decision OR not].  In brief, SUCCESS is defined by WHO we are, WHAT we believe in, and WHAT we think it means to be SUCCESSFUL.  For some, it is money,  For others, relationship matters.  For others, it's family.  For others, it's jobs.  For some, it's religion💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  SUCCESS is possessing that capability for self-determination, which is defined as the ability to decide WHAT you WANT to do in your life and then, to act on that DECISION.  Hold on. SUCCESSFUL people need NOT SUCCEED all the time.  They will definitely experience setbacks and failures along the way, perhaps MORE than the LESS SUCCESSFUL ones.  WHY? Because they take more risks and the higher the volume of risks you take, the frequency increases.  In a nutshell, YOUR SUCCESS IF YOUR CHOICE, dude❗❗❗

Finding Satisfaction In Life

Finding Satisfaction In Life

HAPPINESS is being happy in your life.  We experience it immediately and IN THE MOMENT.  On the other hand, life SATISFACTION is being HAPPY about your life.  If is the HAPPINESS that exists WHEN we talk about the past and the big picture.  So, WHAT can we do to NOT just be HAPPY in the moment BUT to feel SATISFIED with our lives?  This brings us to our thread today to figure out Finding Satisfaction In Life💴💵💷

Even the late Steve Jobs, the Apple co-founder was quoted: "YOUR WORK IS GOING TO FILL A LARGE PART OF YOUR LIFE AND THE ONLY WAY TO BE TRULY SATISFIED IS TO DO WHAT YOU BELIEVE IS GREAT WORK.  AND THE ONLY WAY TO DO GREAT WORK IS TO LOVE WHAT YOU DO".  That was a mouthful BUT for me, the magic word there is LOVE WHAT YOU DO, which is a mantra I embraced in my life📗📙📘

Now, all those words are music to our ears BUT in real life, traditional career paths often feel overcrowded OR misaligned with personal values, the concept of creating your dream job rather than finding it becomes NOT only appealing BUT necessary.  The idea of WHAT it means to work is continuously evolving BUT YET it is important for us to recognize that the roles and functions we adhere to in the professional setting are, in many ways, constructs shaped more by societal norms and expectations💦💦💦

This realization, albeit a tough pill to swallow, leads to a profound understanding that many of us struggle to find our true place in the job market, NOT because of lack of skills OR ambition BUT as per experts say, that is due to the predefined roles available that DON'T fully encapsulate our unique talents and perspectives.  Swinging over to our personal religious activities, a recent research came out with a surprising outcome that confirms people in a religious community.  WHY oh WHY💥💥💥

Surprisingly, the research showed that WHAT religion you practice or HOWEVER close you feel to God makes NO difference in your overall life SATISFACTION.  Instead, WHAT matters is the number of friends you have in your religious community.  TEN is the magic number.  If you have that many, you'll be HAPPIER.  Therefore, religious people are HAPPIER because they feel connected to a community of like-minded people.  Our takeaway:  There is NO formula for finding SATISFACTION as this emanates from you😀😀😀

Listen To Yourself [MORE THAN From Anyone Else]

Listen To Yourself [MORE THAN From Anyone Else]

GUESS WHAT is our biggest problem today, regardless of culture, country and religion?  Yes dude, we got a big, huge, enormous problem at hand.  All because of the cacophony of stuff we hear from technology, from social media, yes from the internet [regardless of the speed's slowness even in the remote villages of the Third World.  So, WHAT's really our problem, dude?  Frankly, our pestering problem everyday is HOW to Listen To Yourself [MORE THAN From Anyone Else] because UNTIL and UNLESS we rectify that huge disconnect, we're all on the same path in that OFF-TRACK path leading further down and deep into the dungeons and backwater canals, till we get stuck in it📗📙📘

All along, we have been wailing and whining about disciplining children.  Yet, here's a sensitive question that might hit your raw nerves.  Should disciplining be limited to children?  BUT living in this chaotic universe, should we need to improve in LISTENING to ourselves?  And WHEN I stumbled on this topic, WHAT hit me hard was the statement 'DO YOU ALWAYS FOLLOW YOUR CONSCIENCE?' !@#$%?

And browsing through numerous write-ups with regard FOLLOWING one's conscience, indeed I realized that we will NEVER go wrong because it simply translates to following the right path.  And to play devil's advocate here, it is different if we only depend on the thoughts in our head.  To quote the psychologists, our MIND has indications to reveal even UNTRUTHS.  Our MIND has indications of NOT speaking the TRUTH.  And as a result, we sometimes state something that is NOT based on facts at all OR worse, we end up lying❎❎❎

To reference a particular research by experts, WHEN an individual makes a DECISION, and he does NOT use OR heed his conscience BUT only relies on the thoughts in his head, it is very likely that the results of the decision tend to be based on emotional DECISIONS instead of an objective DECISION.  Back to my years WHEN I was in High School, WHAT did my conscience tell me?  It is to pursue my studies with the end view of finding a fixed income job📌📌📌

Our takeaway:  Let us develop that skills for inner dialogue wherein we talk to ourselves, trying to identify and express our feelings without judging OR criticizing oneself.  And that inner dialogue can be reinforced with one's SELF-CONFIDENCE because SELF-CONFIDENCE will bring us wisdom in making DECISIONS, SELF-CONFIDENCE will give us the courage to say something true, SELF-CONFIDENCE will lead us to sincerity.  Dude, let us LISTEN TO OURSELVES [MORE THAN FROM ANYONE]💦💦💦

Overcoming Your FEARS

Overcoming Your FEARS

Let's face it.  FEARS is one of the most powerful emotions.  And we DON'T need to hear an expert declare that it has a very strong effect both on your mind and body.  Indeed, it is a human response that is vital for our survival.  It helps us respond even to emergencies OR dangerous situations.  It can even occur in more everyday, non-life-threatening events like exams, public speaking, a job interview, a date OR even a party.  It's a natural reaction that puts you under pressure.  So, Overcoming Your FEARS is a no-brainer📗📙📘

So, WHAT makes you afraid?  True, lots of things make us feel afraid.  Being afraid of some things, like fires, can keep you safe.  WHAT you're afraid of and HOW you act WHEN you're afraid of something can be different for every person.  Knowing WHAT MAKES you're afraid of and how you act WHEN you're afraid of something can be different for every person.  And knowing WHAT makes you afraid and WHY can be the first step to overcoming ANXIETY.  And for alignment, let us adapt the standard definition of ANXIETY which is used for fears about the threat of something going wrong in the future, rather than now💦💦💦

That ANXIETY can last for a short time and then pass WHEN whatever was causing you worry is over BUT it can also last much longer and disrupt your life.  Ongoing ANXIETY can even affect your ability to eat, sleep OR concentrate.  It can even prevent you from enjoying life, travelling OR even leaving the house to go to work or anywhere else.  Once ANXIETY holds you back, it can even impact your health📌📌📌

WHAT's sometimes perplexing is feeling that fear even if you're NOT in real danger.  True, early humans needed the fast, powerful responses that fear causes as they were often in situations of physical danger.  Ironically, we no longer face the same threats in today's modern day living.  Despite this, our minds and bodies still seem to work in the same way.  Problem is, we CAN'T run away from all these💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  FEAR will be with us for good and it WON'T go away in our life.  So, while FEAR may be a one-off feeling WHEN you are faced with something unfamiliar, it can also happen everyday and be a long-lasting problem even if you CAN'T put your finger on WHY.  Some people feel a constant sense of ANXIETY all the time even with no particular trigger.  Unfortunately, there are one too many triggers for FEAR in everyday life.  Still, let us remain focused OVERCOMING OUR FEARS💧💧💧

NEVER Take Things Personally, As In, NEVER

NEVER Take Things Personally, As In, NEVER

In the past, we would often hear someone blurt:  DON'T BE ONION-SKINNED.  But these days, will you still ride on that one-liner?  Probably NOT because many if NOT majority seem to be on that path of being ONION-SKINNED.  Oh Oh, WHAT happened WHY suddenly the ONION-SKINNED ones have lorded it over the field?  Blame it on social media.  WHAT should we do?  NEVER Take Things Personally, As In, NEVER💴💷💵

Truth is, every one of us has that tender [call it SENSITIVE] underbelly of our psyche.  Everyone has something they're SENSITIVE about, where even a gentle poke can feel more like a THWACK.  Comments DON'T slide off like water from a duck's back.  Instead, some of us tend to feel more like a sitting duck.  BUT hey, criticism is an inevitable part of life, and hearing reasonable negative feedback without overreacting is a life skill.  IF we can hear fair criticism of our actions without taking it PERSONALLY, NOT only do we escape feeling hurt OR shamed, we also keep criticism from escalating.  By contrast, if we think, 'YOU HURT MY FEELING', that pain will likely spread over you📗📙📘

So, dude, WHAT can we do?  So that we'll take things less PERSONALLY?  HOW can we toughen ourselves to become hard-hearted?  Many experts all zero-in on two key points, namely:

• CONSIDER THE SOURCE - WHY?  Because source matters.  DOES the criticism come from someone you like and respect?  DOES the person know you well enough? OR is it characteristic of this person to shoot from the hip?  DON'T end up by reacting from the hip
• GIVE CRITICS ANOTHER CHANCE [BUT NOT unlimited] - People make mistakes but as they say, CRITIQUE ME ONCE, THAT'S ON YOU.  CRITIQUE ME TWICE, THAT'S ON ME💦💦💦

BUT before you get so hanged up on others, experts always advise the long-term FIXES should be on us, on you, as you are the ONLY person WHO can change yourself.  It is a known fact that individuals WHO are hypersensitive to criticism often have high moral standards.  And it is a good thing that they have a strict moral code and their values really run deep.  BUT the harsh truth is WHATEVER statement that hurts you STILL hurts❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  Much as many times we believe that we are on the right side of things, it will help for us to question our tendency to sometimes veer into perfectionism.  Experts claim that individuals WHO take things PERSONALLY often work really hard to be blameless, flawless OR just be consistently precise so as you DON'T end up criticized or blamed.  BUT if it does happen, NEVER TAKE THINGS PERSONALLY💥💥💥

How's It Going?

How's It Going?

HOW often do we hear someone react like an erupting volcano.  Are you asking me How's It Going?  Then WHAT follows is a litany of defensive posturings like:

• I did grind hard enough already
• I kicked my ass damn hard for so long
• I have delivered  all my life and I'm done
• I have had enough after going through the RAT RACE
• Are you now questioning my accountability?  It's AS IF I've been that irresponsible, reckless lor misguided soul here.  Now I seem to be facing an INQUISITION with a litany of charges in a hastily organized kangaroo court!@#$%?

WHILE you could have framed your BIGGER PICTURE, it just makes sense to ask yourself: WHAT'S NEXT?  WHAT'S NEXT?  Well. there's more to the picture.  You can probably frame more of those milestone achievements, which sometimes, due to sheer volumes, some of which get buried under the bushel of oblivion.  BUT really, WHY do we need to ask ourselves "HOW'S IT GOING?".  Simple, the game ISN'T over yet, NOT until we would hear the buzzer📗📙📘

Thing is, stagnation is NOT unprecedented to our daily lives.  Often, you might find yourself staring at your reflection in the mirror with the constant question "WHAT's NEXT?"  As stagnated as you could probably stand before your reflection, so does [probably] your thoughts.  And you WON'T be exempt from that matter.  LOW in spirit, HIGH in pessimistic reality, your dreams could end up trapped💥💥💥

To forewarn everyone, some CHECKPOINTS in life could be more daunting in comparison to others.  BUT DON'T get discouraged.  A prime example may be work, school, chores.  Some CHECKPOINTS will be huge while others appear as miniscule.  The thing is, the more CHECKPOINTS that surface, the more you'll see that life is worth it.  The less CHECKPOINTS, the more you may look at life as worthless.  Surface-level questions in CHECKPOINTS will revolve around this:  WHAT ARE YOU AIMING FOR, ULTIMATELY.  Do you feel that WHEN you finally reach WHAT you craved💧💧💧

Our takeaway:  As we age, CHECKPOINTS shall serve as such and nothing more, not that 'END ALL' fate.  BUT let us NOT lose sight that there is MORE work to be done along the path of life.  Yes, probably at this point in your life, you could have achieved so much already where most DON'T even dream about.  BUT reality continues and there will be more CHECKPOINTS to point out before you finally 'CHECK OUT'.  Be mindful though to CHECK-IN [in between CHECKPOINTS] because, NOT to scare, sometimes, there are land mines ready to explode along the way even for an innocent miscue.  HOW'S IT GOING?  Dude, please DON'T take this as a casual question❎❎❎

How's Your WATER MARK Level?

How's Your WATER MARK Level?

As always, life is full of UPs and DOWNs.  One day, you may feel like you have it all figured out.  Then, in a moment's notice, you've been thrown a curve ball.  You're NOT alone in these feelings.  Everyone has to face their own set of challenges.  Learning HOW to overcome challenges will help you stay centered and remain calm under pressure.  This brings us to our thread today because for us to hurdle and survive all the challenges in life, the question we need to answer is How's Your WATER MARK Level❔❔❔

True, everyone has his own preference[s] for how to face the challenges in life.  This brings us back to the need to establish a HIGH WATER MARK level.  WHY?  For so many reasons:

To reinforce your RESILIENCE

To pre-empt possible CHALLENGES

To improve your SURVIVAL CAPABILITY

You might pester me RIGHT NOW.  So, HOW do we increase our WATER MARK if it is a level NOT acceptable RIGHT NOW?  Let's go through these bare-knuckles BASICS:

• MAKE A PLAN - Look at the patterns in your life and see WHAT challenges you've struggled with.  Assess the optimal outcomes and make a plan HOW to achieve them.
• KNOW YOU'RE NOT ALONE - We all have our LOW points.  WHATEVER you're going through, others have been there.  Reach out to them, whether they are family or friends.
• FEEL YOUR FEELINGS - By masking your feelings, they WON'T go away.  Instead, feelings become TRAPPED energy.  DON'T ignore it.  Take time to feel it.

• THINK BIG - It can be easy to let yourself think small because of the fear of failure OR even the fear of making a decision.  Be open to take risks.
• POSITIVE MINDSET - WHAT you think becomes your reality.  Train your mind to think positively.
• DON'T GIVE UP - When a challenge arises, persistence is a huge key to overcome it
• WORK SMART, NOT HARD - Generally, there is more than one way to get something done.  However, there's always just one optimal way OR best way of doing it

Our takeaway:  To set our HIGH-WATER mark itself, this will need dogged determination to lay down the most basic foundations.  Bottomline is to ensure that when the water level goes up and pressure builds up, the level of our HIGH-WATER mark will NOT bring us down.  Many times, it's HOW we pre-empt problems that will make OR break us.  HOW'S YOUR WATER MARK LEVEL❓❓❓

WHEN To Speak? WHEN To Keep Mum?

WHEN To Speak?  WHEN To Keep Mum?

The virtues of SILENCE have long been recognized.  The popular saying 'SPEECH IS SILVER BUT SILENCE IS GOLDEN" has been traced by historians to dayte as far back as the ancient times in Egypt.  It probably means that in some circumstances the LESS you say, the BETTER it is.  I can imagine that WHEN you are in the company of strangers, discretion would be more appropriate than discretion.  In fact, based on norms and values, keeping a secret can be a form of SILENCE that is highly ethical.  So, WHEN To Speak?  WHEN To Keep Mum📗📙📘

In many democratic countries, SILENCE in some cases is  a legal right  You could have heard it in western movies wherein the police or legal authorities who arrest a suspect is advised that he/she has the right to remain SILENT.  In the United States, the Fifth Amendment of the U.S. Constitution permits a person NOT to answer any specific question IF and WHEN, by answering it, you will be incriminating yourself.  Sometimes, SILENCE is even deemed as an OBLIGATION as when its purpose is NOT to disturb the tranquility of others such as in the library💦💦💦

Experts do highlight that SILENCE can be used in sending a powerful message.  Studies also show that moments of SILENCE are used in contemplation, reflection and in remembrance of loved ones that we have lost.  BUT this is NOT an 'ALL IN' answer to the question because there are times when to be SILENT is to behave in an unethical manner.  WHAT we should be cautious is that our SILENCE is NOT deceptive, allowing others to believe WHAT we know for certain is NOT true💧💧💧

Psychologists also claim that remaining SILENT can also represent a risk and the experts declare that SILENCE is the most toxic strategy to reputation and integrity.  And if we remain SILENT, someone else will fill the void with more made-up chatter and misinformation.  So, the challenging question is:  HOW THEN SHOULD WE DETERMINE WHEN IS THE TIME TO REMAIN SILENT AND WHEN IS THE TIME TO SPEAK❓❓❓

Our takeaway:  Let us piggy-back on what the experts would advise us, namely:

• Will my voice make a DIFFERENCE?
• Does engaging this time mean I will be more OR less effective the next time?
• HOW will I see myself [many years from now] if I DON'T speak up?

Dude, let's work on these habits😀😀😀