Why Coping Is NOT Enough

Why Coping Is NOT Enough

Many of us [that includes me in the past] thought that when we get bogged down with a problem [or even a crisis], COPING is the way to go.  BTW, till today, that holds water.  When I get hit with a problem, COPING is the immediate next thing to do.  So, WHAT's our shortfall?  It is our failure to realize that despite COPING, certainly Coping Is NOT Enough because COPING is just a QUICK FIX, to help us get over the hump, only for that moment💴💷💵

Quick query:  In your past, after you tried COPING, didn't a similar situation repeated by itself [again]?  More often, such situations do recur.  It's like a DEJA VU, like it's all over again.  BUT the question, why do we think we end going through the same gauntlet all over again?  It's because we thought COPING is the 'final nail on the coffin' BUT we are grossly wrong on that aspect because we are sorely missing one thing and that's getting into the ROOT CAUSE📗📙📘

For example, helping someone cope with the loss of a loved one can be invaluable UNTIL the person is ready to face the world again.  Teaching self-care techniques to a heartbroken adult may ease the pain of initial loneliness and heartache and learning COPING techniques while quitting smoking is essential to one's SUCCESS.   This is WHEN and WHERE the NEXT STEPS' should happen after COPING📌📌📌

Frankly, COPING skills are NOT a solution.  While it's fairly universally agreed upon that COPING skills are helpful, we should never lose track of figuring out the PERMAMENT FIX hoping that that recent exception WON'T recur but if it does, we could deftly handle the situation way behind by just COPING.  So, the unspoken and tacitly agreed upon expectations is that after the COPING phase, we should carry on to figure out how to prevent it from recurring, or at the very least, how to manage and contain it, probably with little or no COPING skills necessary✅✅✅

This is it.  More than just COPING, we got to be CONQUERING the issue which is hitting us.  UNLESS we face it head-on and find the FINAL FIX, it may keep haunting us back again and again.  One very prevalent reason why people miss out on figuring out the FINAL FIX, it's because we end up becoming complacent once we [temporarily] hurdle an ordeal.  Takeaway here is that QUICK FIXES are NOT the FINAL FIXES we need to be applied to an issue which may recur again in the future❗❗❗

Who's Scared To Live Life On A FAST LANE?

Who's Scared To Live Life On A FAST LANE?

Who's Scared To Live Life On A FAST LANE?  Not to scare anyone but this query should NOT push you to cower in FEAR.  Instead, this is an up front question we need to address before we unlock our brakes and drive out on the roads.  And we all know that anywhere in the world, the metro areas will always offer you the option to take the FAST LANE [unless you opt out]📌📌📌

WHO wants to get caught in the horrendous traffic gridlock, anyone?  Whether you're enjoying the freeways in the U.S. or crawling through the traffic gridlocks of Asian metro areas in Mumbai, Jakarta or Manila, surely any Tom, Dick and Harry will opt for the FAST LANE for obvious reasons we WON'T waste space in our thread today.  Let's swing back to our life.  Can we agree that in life, there is a FAST LANE as well?  For alignment, when you opt for the FAST LANE in life, either you are that adventurous, competitive, energetic, overly ambitious or so focused with your timetable such that where possible you'd match the speed of sound to travel.  On the other hand, let's admit, it is NOT a crime if you're likely that conservative and calculated fellow who would take measured paces lest you stumble flat on your face💴💷💵

Do reflect back in your recent years and ask yourself.  ARE YOU SATISFIED WITH YOUR PACE IN LIFE?  Or do you feel you've got enough power [and fuel] such that you'd like to switch to the FAST LANE?  BTW, let me qualify here that to live on the FAST LANE does NOT mean that everyone of us is really CUT and Fit to a 'T' to breeze through the FAST LANE.  Frankly, there are quite tough criteria that you've got to satisfy up front. AMBITION.  ENERGY.  FOCUS.  MOTIVATION and a battery/power source that may get drained BUT will never get drained [under any scenario]📗📙📘

Swinging back to myself, I swear that in my early years, I was so impatient such that I was lurking towards the FAST LANE because what was driving me damn hard was my singular focus on my timeline.  To share, as early as my university days, I was so focused on my goals, achieving it every academic term.  When I joined the fray in the job market, I realized things were running in a frenetic pace✅✅✅

FAST LANEs in life, though, would separate the boys from men.  Eventually we will distinguish the 'FREE & EASY' folks versus the ambitious, energized and focused folks.  BTW, it's NOT mandatory to drive along the FAST LANE but think about the implications and ramifications if you remain driving in that NOT SO FAST LANE.  And in case you're SCARED TO LIVE LIFE ON A FAST LANE, better not❗❗❗

The Marginal Difference that Separates FAILURE & SUCCESS

The Marginal Difference that Separates FAILURE & SUCCESS

Many of us think [and I'm guilty of this in the past] that the difference between FAILURE and SUCCESS is as wide as the Pacific Ocean.  No sirrrrrrrs.  Studies tells the contrary as statistics show that roughly 5% is what separates a lot of FAILURE vs SUCCESS stories that were decided by a Marginal Difference that Separates FAILURE & SUCCESS💴💷💵

So, the statistical data from the studies have shot down the age-old wrong assumption that huge differences separated FAILURE and SUCCESS.  On the contrary, a little tweak and twist there would have tilted things in favor of the protagonists who may have failed.  With a level playing field and all things equal, this should be a 'shot in the arm' for those struggling through📗📙📘

Let's visualize ourselves in the middle of a mammoth crowd and you got to extricate yourself from it.  That happened to me and my wife when we attended a political rally where the record count of the crowd breached one million.  And that night, our goal was to walk off after all the political speeches and just prior to the concert-like things following the political rally.  How we managed to literally PUSH THROUGH that mammoth crowd [and once we extricated ourselves out, we lost no time to find the nearest 7-Eleven to gulp ice cold drinks to quench our thirst]📌📌📌

PUSHING THROUGH when you think you CAN'T is what makes all the difference between FAILING or SUCCEEDING.  Pushing forward despite the challenges, the setbacks and the hardships is WHAT makes champions, heroes and the very best SUCCESS STORIES.  PUSHING THROUGH is the DNA of SUCCESS, period💎💎💎

As an analogy with cars, we CANNOT move forward if our emergency break is still ON.  It's as simple as that.  There will be outliers where LUCK [or BAD LUCK] will have a hand in the ultimate outcome but those are outliers.  In fact, before a situation eventually collapses upon us, there will be multiple tell-tale signs to forewarn us.  That gives us more than an ample time to pivot from that level of uncertainty.  Do note always that more often, there is just a MARGINAL DIFFERENCE THAT SEPARATES FAILURE and SUCCESS✅✅✅

When Absorption Is Still HIGH

When Absorption Is Still HIGH

When is the rocket launched by U.S. NASA?  When are the missiles launched by warring forces?  When are bombs unleased?  When do F1 drivers drive at full throttle?  When do the mountaineers take the final lap to reach the summit of Mount Everest?  The common answer is:  When Absorption Is Still HIGH.  WHY?  That's when the full strength is at its peak.  That's when the motivation is at its peak💴💷💵

To STRIKE WHEN THE IRON IS HOT is the best time to take the plunge so to speak.  Could be the time to build a solid foundation of a relationship you want with the girl you are wooing.  Could be the final job interview which will be your MAKE or BREAK.  Could be a major financial investment you and your partner/spouse will need to decide on.  Could be your foray into commercial business.  Could be your family's first major overseas holiday which everyone have dreamed for so long.  Could be a salesman itching to close a deal with a client📗📘📙

Some. though, keep waiting for MOTIVATION to kick-in.  BUT do we have to do that?  To be frank, studies show that we DON'T need to wait for MOTIVATION at all.  And experts would rather encourage us to stick to our HABITS + SCHEDULES because they 'free our minds to advance to really interesting fields of action'.  And frankly, if we waste or delay actions, nothing will work then📌📌📌

In other words, IF we are serious about creating something compelling, we need to stop waiting for MOTIVATION and even INSPIRATION to strike you and simply set a schedule for doing work on a consistent basis.  Obviously, that is easier said than done and much harder to do in practice.  In fact, creating work is NO different than training in the gym.  You CAN'T selectively choose your BEST MOMENTS and only work on the days when you have great ideas✅✅✅

Obviously, doing something below average is never our goal.  BUT you have to give yourself permission to GRIND through the occasional days of "BELOW AVERAGE' WORK because it's the price you have to pay to get to that excellent work.  Let's be aware that the alternative is worse.  If you DON'T have a schedule forcing you to do things, then it's really EASY TO AVOID DOING THE WORK AT ALL.  Let us move WHEN ABSORPTION IS STILL HIGH❗❗❗

Website 101: How To DETECT Fake OR Fraudulent Websites

Website 101:  How To DETECT Fake OR Fraudulent Websites

The CYBERCRIME Industry was valued  USD 3 Trillion way back 2015 and by 2025, it is expected to be a USD 10.5 Trillion Industry, whew.  And even as we speak now, it continues to run unabated, galloping with the huge strides NOT even your prized stallion can run parallel.  So, in the midst of our Christmas holidays, why DON'T we spend a fraction of our time for Website 101:  How To DETECT Fake OR Fraudulent Websites📗📙📘

This is a snapshot of the actual email received by John Podesta, Hillary Clinton's Chief of Staff,  His faux pas?  He reacted [I'll say, he PANICKED] with this alert and clicked the "CHANGE PASSWORD".  The consequences and ramifications of this action caused his account to be compromised [Imagine the tons of confidential emails in the Clinton Presidential Campaign that were unduly exposed] !@#$%?

Most browsers abide by a concept called the 'LINE OF DEATH', meaning, a user should NEVER trust anything below a certain point on the browser, called as the 'LINE OF DEATH'.  An attacker can control everything below the line so you have to know where to look for reliable information.  An ATTACKER can control are highlighted in RED and numbered:

1. FAVICON - This is the website's ICON
2. DOMAIN NAME - This is the URL which you must CLEARLY KNOW IN DETAIL
3. FILE PATH/DIRECTOR - You must know if the correct website includes this info
4. WEB CONTENT - This can contain any info the attacker wants it to be, includes a convincing spoof of a legit website 

This 'PAYPAL' site is FRAUDULENT & FAKE and yet it's almost impossible to tell the FAKE site from the real one unless you are 'spot on' and incisive with the site details.  Take note that for this fake PAYPAL site, the domain name is 'getbill-service.com' and if you're NOT detailed enough, you'll be 'DEAD IN THE WATER',  And with the advent of free SSL services and recent changes in browser indicators, it is now much easier than ever to disguise phishing sites as legitimate✅✅✅

For us as end-users to be comfortable in our browsing, being non-technical is a NON-ISSUE but the fact is, you need to have the sound fundamentals to know:

• PROTOCOL
• DOMAIN NAME
• SUB-DOMAIN
• TOP-LEVEL DOMAIN
• FILE PATH

One last point.  Check CONNECTION SECURITY indicators.  Back to the address bar.  If the last point didn't underscore the importance of this browser feature, this one should drive the point home.  Within the address bar are several connection indicators that let you know whether your connection with the website is private❎❎❎

The loophole of HTTP was fixed when Secure Sockets Layer [SSL] was succeeded by Transport Layer Security [TSL] a.k.a. HTTPS

• HTTP   = Bad
• HTTPS = Good

In summary, with the PADLOCK ICON or the Extended Validation SSL Certificate [EV SSL] is the highest form of SSL Certificate. The loophole of HTTP was addressed when Secure Sockets Layer [SSL] was succeeded by Transport Layer Security [TSL].  Hoping all these info will help to improve and reinforce your website security awareness from hereon.  Meanwhile, wishing for your smooth preparations for Christmas❗❗❗  

Getting Things Done

Getting Things Done

Till to date, some of us still [wrongly] think that some of the SUCCESS STORIES can be credited to people who were either gifted, talented or even scions of the RICH and FAMOUS.   No sirrrrrrrs. NOT TRUE.  Successful people are NOT gifted.  They just WORK HARD and then SUCCEED on purpose.  Nothing coincidental with their SUCCESS.  That's Getting Things Done💴💷💵

Likely, most of us know at least one person whom you can attest to be a madly productive person, someone who's able to accomplish more in a couple of hours than the rest of us get done all day.  And chances are that person is also quite successful.  Sounds familiar❓❓❓

BTW, it is NO accident that great work habits and SUCCESS go hand in hand.  Improving your work habits may NOT guarantee that you will reach the TOP of the TOTEM POLE BUT it will definitely help you advance [much faster and much higher compared to the rest of the pack [think of a pack in a marathon].  BTW, we DON'T need to be like Captain America📗📙📘

Inject social media into the equation, and now we have a ball game.  WHY?  Because social media can either be a BOON or a BANE in our daily life.  Either you leverage it to the hilt or you get 'HOSTAGED' to it sometimes even 24x7, sometimes even at the expense of taking your timely meals or worse, sometimes even sacrificing your hygiene [e.g. your need to freshen up, to take shower etc].  So, HOW do we do things from hereon❓❓❓

Primero, come up with your TO-DO List.  Word of caution, though.  Your TO-DO List might end up with a dozen or more things you want to get done [which is simply NOT realistic, right?].  So, limit your TO-DO List to a Top 5.  Anything more than that is a bonus.  BTW, it's a NO-NO to reinvent the wheel.  You can tweak and twist the way you do things BUT don't reinvent.  Bottom line is GETTING THINGS DONE❗❗❗

Have You ZONED OUT?

Have You ZONED OUT?

Have You ZONED OUT? That situation wherein you would go through some mild forms of DISSOCIATION, which is the ability to DISCONNECT from our thoughts, feelings, environment OR actions?  On the positive end, DISSOCIATION can even help athletes do their jobs as it allows people to focus on the most salient or life-preserving aspects of a situation without mental interference.  BUT there are times when we experience a major form of DISSOCIATION, sometimes in the aftermath of overwhelming trauma.  In those moments, the DISSOCIATIVE symptoms become more extreme and frequent💵💴💷

Let's face it, everyone 'ZONES OUT' from time to time.  It might happen more frequently when you feel bored OR stressed, OR when you'd rather be doing something else.  It's also pretty common to experienc a prolonged 'SPACINESS' or 'BRAIN FOG' if you're dealing with grief, a painful breakup OR other difficult life circumstances.  In those cases, ZONING OUT can serve as a coping tactic of sorts which ISN'T necessarily a bad thing📗📙📘

ZONING OUT is considered a form of DISSOCIATION but it typically falls at the 'mild end' of the spectrum.  So what causes it?  Often, ZONING OUT just means your brain switched over to 'AUTOPILOT'.  This can happen when your brain recognizes that you can compete your current task whether that's folding laundry OR walking to work, without really thinking about it.  That is an example of going into DEFAULT MODE📌📌📌

BUT there are telling factors that can cause us to be ZONING OUT.  For one, SLEEP DEPRIVATION.  Remember the nights where you DIDN'T get enough sleep?  When you felt quite foggy OR easily distracted OR seemingly 'OFF'?  True, SLEEP DEPRIVATION is no big deal but it can take its toll on your mental functioning and make you more prone to ZONING OUT.  And seriously, this can be risky and dangerous if you're driving, right❓❓❓

Getting overwhelmed, stressed OR going through something traumatic can also leave you FEELING OFF.  You might feel going through the motions of daily life BUT not really thinking about WHAT you're doing.  Eventually you emerge from that 'FOG' with very little recollection of how much time has actually passed OR how you got through it.  In the face of extreme stress, some people respond by 'SHUTTING DOWN' or completely detaching❎❎❎

Step BACK To Step FORWARD

Step BACK To Step FORWARD

In Malaysia's NEW STRAITS TIMES, the banner story was indeed impactful:  SINGAPORE PASSPORT MOST POWERFUL IN THE WORLD.  In the latest Henley Passport Index [conducted by Henley & Partners], it said that Singapore citizens are able to visit 192 out of 227 countries visa-free.  Oooops, do I regret then as I renounced my Singapore citizenship [many years back] to reacquire my PH citizenship?  No sirs, I took the Step BACK To Step FORWARD💴💵💷

No sirrrrs, there is not an iota of regret as we speak now even if my travels as a Singapore citizen is way behind me now.  WHY?  It's because I plotted my journey.  I knew where I want to end up.  And I knew how to go from Point A to Point B till I reach Point Z.  This is my concrete manifestation I can look back when I decided to Step BACK To Step FORWARD.  So, if one will ask me, what is/are the factors that made me confident enough [if NOT cocky] to make that life-changing decision?  I'll humbly admit it was the GRIT from within me that egged me to Step BACK To Step FORWARD📗📙📘

I remember stumbling across the question if people are born with GRIT?  And the ready answer coming from researches showed that GRIT is a question of NATURE and NURTURE, not one OR the other.  For people to develop GRIT, they need to cultivate a GROWTH mindset.  So allow me to admit now that that GROWTH mindset was the very catalyst of everything that triggered me to make that decision to Step BACK To Step FORWARD💎💎💎

BTW, many aspire to be 'GREATER' but how often do we hear people who aspire to be 'GRITTIER'?  Not much I guess.  So why GRIT?  GRIT is a passion and perseverance for long-term and meaningful goals.  It is important because it's a KEY DRIVER of achievement and success.  and it is confirmed to be far MORE IMPORTANT than IQ and talent📌📌📌

So, how can we be 'GRITTIER'?  Numero uno, CLARIFY YOUR GOALS.  The 'grittiest' people are so damn crystal-clear about their ultimate goal[s] and even most of their smaller goals are aligned with that one big goal.  Segundo.  DISCOVER YOUR INTERESTS.  Never jump into the waters simply because you want to be 'GRITTIER'.  Interest is the source of our passion so ask yourself WHAT MATTERS MOST TO YOU. If you need to STEP BACK TO STEP FORWARD, go gurl, go dude✅✅✅

WHY Simplicity Trumps Complexity

WHY Simplicity Trumps Complexity

The late Steve Jobs, the co-founder of APPLE, explored how Simplicity Trumps Complexity.  but to quote his circuitous quotable quote:  SIMPLE CAN BE HARDER THAN COMPLEX.  YOU HAVE TO WORK HARD TO GET YOUR THINKING CLEAN TO MAKE IT SIMPLE.  BUT IT'S WORTH IT IN THE END BECAUSE YOU CAN GET THERE, YOU CAN MOVE MOUNTAINS'💎💎💎

His words highlight HOW important it is to keep things CLEAR and STRAIGHTFORWARD when dealing with problems, making decisions and even when just thinking in general.  It's like saying that even though SIMPLICITY might seem easy, it actually takes a lot of careful thinking and focus to get there.  The quote points out that Simplicity doesn't mean things are easy.  Instead, it means that stripping down Complex stuff to its most basic form.  Our task at hand is how to dissect all this wisdom from Steve Jobs into concrete words📌📌📌

Just like comparing halogen versus LED lights, we got to break down and break up the Complexity of that lighting technology so that we will reach a simplified point of discussion that will lead us to an informed decision whether we go for halogen or LED lights.  BTW, I'm all for LED lights, all because of facts at hand.  Our takeaway today, while we preach that Simplicity Trumps Complexity, it takes more than just semantics because we got to SIMPLIFY COMPLEXITIES in life✅✅✅

Moving forward, let's have 'CLEAN THINKING', that discipline of stripping away the unnecessary complexities and ask yourself 'WHAT IS THE CORE OBJECTIVE'?  And WHAT STEPS ARE ESSENTIAL TO ACHIEVE IT?  In brief, clearly communicate the end goal and the key steps to get there💴💷💵

Then, let us PUT FOCUS on the TOP PRIORITIES.  To achieve Simplicity, it is imperative to prioritize with unrelenting and intentional FOCUS.  This DOESN'T mean oversimplifying  things but rather focusing on WHAT truly matters. I remember a quotable quote from Former U.S. President Bill Clinton, when he was discussing the economy, he blurted, KEEP IT SIMPLE, sh*t✅✅✅

SUPPORT Response VS SHIFT Response

SUPPORT Response VS SHIFT Response

It used to be, our qualms were very raw and basic enough.  When someone talks to you, please DO RESPOND.  Fast forward to today, that's NOT even a talking point because studies show that almost all of the time, people do respond to each other BUT that led us to our talking today, SUPPORT Response VS SHIFT Response📗📙📘

And this brings me to the 'TELL ME MORE' favorite one-liner by top conversationalists.  Apparently. they have leveraged so well on this one-liner such that the key to this powerful phrase and to engaging conversations in general is understanding the difference between SUPPORT Response vs SHIFT Response.  A SUPPORT Response supports the other person by showing interest in what they've said and signaling that you want to hear more from them💊💊💊

On the other hand, SHIFT RESPONSE shifts the conversation from them to you.  Example is an entrepreneur friend tells you he's frustrated because one of his customers hasn't paid although it's overdue.  A SHIFT Response will be:  Oh, I had that experience too and they paid after I filed at the small claims court🔰🔰🔰

BUT the question, was that the best possible response?  NO sirrrrs.  Instead, he could have quipped: 'TELL ME MORE' or 'THAT's AWFUL.  WHAT REASON ARE THEY GIVING FOR THE DELAY?  That shows your friend you care about his situation and it gives them that opportunity to provide a few more details, like they will advise you that the customer has filed for bankruptcy👀👀👀

I had those first-hand interactions with 'ME' people, folks WHO would start and end conversations all about ME ME ME and if you retort like 'REALLY?', he would pick up from where he left and go on that non-stop ONE-WAY talk.  Even my wife was aghast when I end up interacting with 'ME' people.  So, do consider SUPPORT RESPONSE instead of SHIFT RESPONSE [unless warranted]❌❌❌