Do You OWE Anyone?

Do You OWE Anyone?

Do You OWE Anyone?  Other than monies, no sirrrrs, we DON'T OWE anyone.  We could hear those sad childhood narratives when as a child, he/she felt UNloved and UNaccepted whenever he/she disappointed his/her parents.  And then, that you feel LOVED only when you follow their rules and act according to their expectations??? Then, as you matured, you ended up [wrongly] thinking that it was your duty to PLEASE everyone and carry the weight of the world on your shoulders?  In the end, you [wrongly] concluded that your needs and wants DIDN'T matter as long as everyone else is happy📗📙📘

Fast-forward, years after, we would realize all those are UNTRUE.  In fact, you DON'T owe anyone anything.  And your only responsibility is to make sure your mental health and well-being are your priority and that's it.  So, let's call a spade a spade.  You have every right to put yourself first.  Period.  In fact and in truth, you DON'T owe anyone an explanation.  BTW, it does NOT matter WHAT others think.  All that matters is WHAT's true for you.  Your dreams are yours and you DON'T even need to justify them.  No one has the right to tell you WHAT's right OR wrong and nobody has the right to tell you that your dreams are impossible dreams and unreal.  No one because all that matters is the real score💧💧💧

Now, let's tackle real life 'realities'.  Sometimes, people seem doing you a favor and you thought, all that is happening in GOOD FAITH.  BUT the harsh truth is that they DON'T say it openly but truthfully, they are proposing a deal.  It's akin to 'YOU SCRATCH MY BACK, I'LL SCRATCH YOURS'.  Sadly [and frustratingly] they make you look at it as from their end, whew.  And then WHEN you least expect it, they will bring up WHAT they did for you.  OR worse, they will saddle you with obligations you never accepted in the first place.  People WHO act like that are hiding behind a false concept of GRATITUDE as they think that anytime they do someone a favor, there's that [implied] understanding that it will be reciprocated.  Really, a QUID PRO QUO❓❓❓

So, WHERE does the problem lie?  It lies with those people WHO act like that are hiding behind a FALSE concept of gratitude.  Problem is, they NEVER check WHETHER the other person thinks this way too.  They just show up to claim their favor OR expect you to do something for them, without even asking you.  And if you DON'T, they WON'T just feel offended.  The likelihood is they will vent their anger on you, feeling and ending up as the victim!  Too late in the day, though, you would realize that the favor was NOT a favor but rather a TRAP, a form of control & manipulation💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  Let's reconcile the huge disconnect that causes all the misalignments.  There are contexts WHERE it is clear that WHEN someone does you a favor, you then owe it back to them.  Politics is an example. It also happens at work.  If you cover for a colleague, you expect them to do the same to you in the future if you would need it.  In both examples, there is a factor that makes the equation transparent as they are favors between people with a practical relationship😀😀😀

Is Negativity Benign

Is Negativity Benign

Is Negativity Benign?  Regardless if it is benign OR not, NEGATIVITY is NOT welcomed OR recommended in our daily lives.  Complaining and venting only helped so that the NEGATIVE feelings lasted longer.  BUT studies by psychology experts offered a glimmer of hope that NEGATIVITY is NOT 100% bad after all📗📙📘

This is NOT to encourage NEGATIVITY around us but amongst others, the studies led to the following results:

• GRUMPY negotiators were more effective
• PESSIMISTIC married people were able to cope with problems and ended up with longer marriages than OPTIMISTIC ones
• Self-employed PESSIMISTS earned more than self-employed OPTIMISTS

To lookup at recent neuroscience studies, when we are grumpy, frustrated OR angry, that 'AMYGDALA' in our brain kicks in, sparking chemical signals that boost your heart rate and end up flooding your body with ADRENALINE.  All along, this is WHY we often hear that ADRENALINE RUSH.  In layman's terms, it is like we get fired up, our motivation increases, our determination increases, and it even encourages us to THINK OUT OF THE BOX.   A Social Psychology study showed that being kind of pissed off OR irritated resulted in coming up with more creative ideas💧💧💧

From a neuroscience perspective, experts share that your AMYGDALA interprets feelings of grumpiness, irritation OR anger as a sign of trouble and then, it 'deploys' chemical resources to help you deal with the situation.  And setting neuroscience aside, neutral psychologists have that 'PESSIMIST' model who foresees a bleak future ahead and as a result, prepares to brace for it.  So, instead of PESSIMISM shoving someone by the wayside, it challenges one to overcome and solve problems💥💥💥

Here's a cheat sheet from the experts.  Let us list a few things that frustrate us.  Your business.  Your investments.  OR maybe your shopping habits.  That simple act of listing things that make you grumpy will cause your AMYGDALA to marshal physical and cognitive resources to help you think of ways to improve your situation.  Yes dude, NEGATIVITY is benign😀😀😀

From DOGHOUSE To PENTHOUSE

From DOGHOUSE To PENTHOUSE

Nope sirrrrs, we're NOT egging everyone to be daydreamers.  Instead, we'd like to highlight that while CINDERELLA stories are far few and in between, it behooves that we should study the story of CINDERELLA much closer, much as it is pure and sheer fiction, just another figment of human imaginations.  WHY?  Because her story is more than true love, talking mice, princes and princesses.  CINDERELLA also represents the power we have in ourselves and the greatness that occurs WHEN we stop dreaming and do.  This egged me to consider this From DOGHOUSE To PENTHOUSE as our thread today, much as I anticipate that it WON'T hold weight for some📗📙📘

To quote one eye-catching one-liner in CINDERELLA:  THE TROUBLE WITH MOST PEOPLE, THEY SIT AROUND WISHING FOR SOMETHING TO HAPPEN INSTEAD OF JUST DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT.  Well said.  YES it's true.  CINDERELLA does something many people find hard to do OR leave.  WHETHER you're leaving an abusive relationship OR a toxic work environment, a dead-end situation OR anything that is NO longer tenable, it's simply hard💥💥💥

True, many times, we can stay in situations too long because we fear WHAT's on the other side.  Leaving, that's even something that seemingly looks simple as a concept.  YES, the term is simple, put one foot in front of the other and keep going.  The only problem with that mindset is that one does NOT take into consideration the mental component that comes along with leaving.  As many of us know, taking that very first step is the hardest ever, if at all❎❎❎

I CAN'T recall in that CINDERELLA story how long she stayed with her stepmother BUT it seems speculated that she was 19 years old in that story.  And WHEN her father died, she was a young girl, so we can only assume that she has been under the abuse of her stepmother and sisters for quite some time.  So, if ever CINDERELLA was paralyzed by fear and ended up stuck living in her dreams, WHAT did she find within herself that gave her the courage to leave?  As in many Disney stories, magic got injected in her story.  Oh Oh, if only we all could have a fairy godmother to help us with our problems!  However, magic ISN'T the only driving force behind CINDERELLA's decision❗❗❗

Our takeaway:  While CINDERELLA stories can be counted within our fingers, we CAN'T overlook the stories of Oprah Winfrey who grew poor from Mississippi and went to college on a scholarship.  And worst, even after her traumatic upbringing WHERE she was abused and molested by two family members and a family friend, she ran away from home at the age of 13 and gave birth at age 14.  Of course, the rest is history after she joined a local beauty pageant and ended up becoming the very first African-American TV correspondent in Tennessee at the age of 19.  Her net worth today, it's about @2.5 billion [and still growing].  Our lesson here:  It's NOT impossible to go from DOGHOUSE to PENTHOUSE but it will take all of one's persistence, patience  coupled with prayers🙏🙏🙏

Why PREMATURE JUDGMENT Continues To Persist?

Why PREMATURE JUDGMENT Continues To Persist?

Why PREMATURE JUDGMENT Continues To Persist? Supposedly, that is a non-issue BUT it is a very legitimate one.  WHY?  Because it is so chronic, so deeply embedded in our daily lives such that it's been pestering us day-IN day-OUT.  With that chronic recurrence, is the end in sight for PREMATURE JUDGMENT to finally become a thing of the past?  Can we dump it, throw it out the window because it does NOT give any value-add to our daily lives.  Instead, it is the cause of frictions that turn to full-blown quarrels and conflicts till our emotions will prevails over our civility, for whatever is left📗📙📘

The mother of all problems is that because of the persistence of this PREMATURE JUDGMENT hovering over our heads like a sword. the fear of judgment suddenly sprouts from the ground, all because of one seed dumped out of the window.  And that becomes the basis for social ANXIETY.  WHEN others view us in negative light, there may be harmful consequences such as loss of social status, conflict or worse, even rejection💧💧💧

Now, NOT to wash our hands from dirt,  but even historians claim that our fear of JUDGMENT is an innate instinct as even primitive humans learned that socially unacceptable behavior led to being kicked out of their tribe.  Rejection from the group then exposes an individual to dangerous animals or their rival tribes.  That ability to obtain shelter and adequate food and water is diminished WHEN existing alone.  And those WHO disregarded prosocial behavior were banished from the tribe and likely faced premature death💥💥💥

In the light of all these, fear of JUDGMENT from others can serve to keep us on the straight BUT narrow path.  That fear of NEGATIVE evaluation becomes justified WHEN it keeps us alive and society is somehow civilized enough.  BUT here's the catch.  Present day humans fear JUDGMENT in ways that extend beyond these arguments, sometimes perhaps unnecessarily.  Beliefs related to being boring, awkward OR uninteresting are common JUDGMENTS that people with social anxiety fear from those they interact with😀😀😀

Our takeaway:  Call it evaluation OR judgment BUT when it is PREMATURE, it remains PREMATURE as such.  Again, let's NOT look farther from our everyday realities.  Beliefs related to being boring, awkward OR uninteresting are common judgments that people with social anxiety fear from those they interact with.  Simply put, JUDGMENTS are conclusions made from the information on hand at that moment in time.  From our end, if only to reduced our anxieties in life, let us understand and appreciate that premature JUDGMENTs are NOT totally figments of one's imagination.  The challenge is for us to counter it, so PREMATURE JUDGMENTs will not run unabated❎❎❎

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, Really?

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, Really?

The idea of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE is a noble one.  It's so ideal such that everyone is enamored to it.  We want to be LOVED as we are, and perhaps we'd like to see ourselves as capable of SELFLESS LOVE.  Unfortunately, loving UNCONDITIONALLY may set us up for huge disappointments and worse, sometimes shame WHEN our ideal DOESN'T seem to match the reality of HOW difficult or perhaps impossible, it is to LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY.  Let's start with children WHO need to be LOVED without conditions.  And as they struggle through life, we need to be unendingly patient, probably taking many deep breaths and offering guidance repeatedly.  Embodying a consistently loving and accepting presence, we create that attachment. Really❓❓❓

BUT even if you may NOT agree, even experts all sing in chorus that LOVE is NEVER UNCONDITIONAL.  It always has a CONDITION.  More of like a GIVE and TAKE. If you expect a lot, you have to raise WHAT you offer.  And that makes any relationship a real success.  On the other hand, we would hear that only our parents are going to LOVE you UNCONDITIONALLY.  BUT of course you are NOT going to live with your parents only.  There are friends.  There are colleagues.  There is your future spouse.  So, keep and set your parents aside for this discussion💥💥💥

Frankly and truthfully, the rest are going to LOVE you ONLY IF you make a deal with them.  Let's have hypothetical examples here.  WOULD you ever want a fat partner/spouse WHO does nothing except lying down on the couch and watching NETFLIX all day, all night, day-IN, day-OUT?  While you grind to earn your bucks?  Obviously, nobody wants to be those kind of folks, right?  Everybody wants to have a partner WHO is good looking [or presentable], financially stable, and an achiever in life💧💧💧

Indeed, meaningful conditions make a relationship more meaningful.  And merit is all that you need to win in relationships.  BTW, loving DOESN'T mean always supplying WHAT another person wants, being tirelessly accepting and having NO needs of our own.  An immature view of LOVE saddles us with the obligation to satisfy every need, soothe every sorrow and comply with every request❌❌❌

Our takeaway:  No such thing as unconditional.  True, we can extend a helping hand to the poor and destitute probably on a one-off basis or a couple of times.  And the billionaire philanthropists?  Yes, they will done tons of monies because those donations will be TAX-DEDUCTIBLE.  Smart alecks, right?  All these tell us that life is a QUID PRO QUO, dude😌😌😌

Why ENOUGH Is Not ENOUGH

Why ENOUGH Is Not ENOUGH

Everywhere everyday and from everyone I always hear ENOUGH IS NOT ENOUGH except from Miami Heat, the popular NBA ballclub whose Fil-Am Coach Erik Spoelstra is always quoted as part of his 'SPOisms' that 'WE HAVE ENOUGH.  So, the bigger question is WHY is it, from everyone else, Why ENOUGH Is Not ENOUGH?  Precisely, I am even questioning my very own self because throughout my lifetime, that's my favorite expression, reaction and attitude [sadly though].  So, the bigger looming question is WHY it is predominantly, we're hearing ENOUGH IS NOT ENOUGH❓❓❓

When I was working with SHELL, the global oil giant, salary increases were like part of the year-on-year calendar and if there is a guessing game left, it is to speculate HOW much will be your latest salary adjustment [on top of the general mailer announcing an across-the-board increase].  WOULD you believe, year-on-year, I was NEVER satisfied?  INSTEAD, each coming year, I seem to be praying to all the GODs that I be merited a salary increase [that's part of my dreams]💧💧💧

How about you, dude?  HAVE you ever been caught in this vicious cycle of insatiable wants and desires?  Apparently and unfortunately, it seems ALL of us [with no exceptions] were all born and reared this way.  NOTHING as in NOTHING is ENOUGH, all because that joy from fulfillment of our wishes and expectations is always "EVANESCENT"💥💥💥

Magic word here is "EVANESCENCE" which is defined as that something that has a quality of disappearing and vanishing, just like the EVANESCENCE of a shooting star which makes it hard to catch.  One moment, it's there.  Next moment, it's like a whiff of air dissipating.  And this EVANESCENCE is best manifested when it comes to the consumption of alcohol and drugs❎❎❎

In the end, the situation calls for more of that alcohol OR drugs to achieve the same result because our bodies are creating LESS dopamine naturally to balance out the external influx.  Our takeaway:  As we are wired for achievement, let us give ourselves more opportunities, even breaking larger goals into bite-sized chunks.  That way, we can derive even more satisfaction from our daily pursuits.  And since the achievement and accumulation of more can never satisfy us, experts recommend the ultimate secret, which is by managing WHAT we want instead of WHAT we have, we will end up giving ourselves a chance to lead more satisfied lives.  To quote one popular quotable quote:  YOU CAN'T JUST WANT WHAT YOU WANT.  YOU HAVE TO WANT WHAT YOUR WANTS LEAD TO.  Dude, this should explain the mind boggling question WHY ENOUGH IS ENOUGH [despite everything we have achieved to date]😀😀😀

Who Cares If the Alarm DOES NOT Go OFF?

Who Cares If the Alarm DOES NOT Go OFF?

Can we live our daily lives with NO alarm clock?  Sounds like a threat?  Indeed it is.  BUT WHAT's the probability that that alarm clock will NOT GO OFF?  Very low probability indeed.  BUT here's the challenge.  Who Cares If the Alarm DOES NOT Go OFF?  In the first place, CAN'T we survive without the alarm clock?  It seems almost everyone of us [WHO got 'hostaged' in this rat race] believe [BY DEFAULT] that we CAN'T live without the alarm clock.  THAT's just untrue, a fallacy, a sheer figment of our convoluted thinking.  Let's look back at the previous generations, alarm clocks were simply non-existent all through those years📗📙📘

WHO's to blame?  Blame it to technologies?  Because all Androids and iPhones have showered us with all the alarm clock functionalities [WHEN in truth, all we need is the alarm sounding OFF].  Indeed, the term 'RISE AND SHINE' is much easier said than done.  And if you're currently finding yourself struggling to wake up practically every morning [UNLESS the alarm goes OFF], then you're in the right page of our blog today.  WHY❔❔❔

Because we want to challenge everyone to just dump out their windows that alarm clock OR simply disable those mobile phone alarms.  WHAT would happen next?  That will be the most exciting part because with sheer optimism, our sense of responsibility will likely spike with nary an effort.  Suddenly, everyone will be so conscious with this challenge💦💦💦

To make things hypothetically simple, let's assume all alarm clocks worldwide will NOT function due to a calendaring issue [just like way back in 1999 WHEN there was a GLOBAL PANIC that our legacy programs will suddenly grind to a halt because of that dreaded Y2K issue.  I'm sure this will trigger undue anxieties, with everyone worried if they will wake up in time for their next day schedules✅✅✅

Our takeaway:  Anytime we should comfortably and permanently disable those smart phone [and even feature phones] alarm functionalities because our behaviors which evolved as habits are NOT a lost cause at all.  All it takes is our intestinal fortitude to frankly tell ourselves that starting next morning, the routine RISE & SHINE will be triggered by our self-discipline.  I vividly remember my English High School teacher's advice to the worsening tardiness issue.  WHEN YOU WAKE UP, RISE UP.  That's WHEN WHO CARES IF THE ALARM DOES NOT GO OFF😖😖😖

Know Your WORTH

Know Your WORTH

To Know Your WORTH is NOT all about $$$$$$$$, NO sirrrrs.  In life, one's WORTH is valued in terms of $$$$$ only by a very small 1-digit percentage of the whole.  WHAT matters and WHAT is worth is at the very least 90% which is comprised of all the intangibles you have which could be a long list like, as follows:

• HOW your trusted friends VALUE you
• HOW your family and loved ones VALUE you
• HOW you honestly VALUE yourself with no bias
• HOW the lower tier of your community VALUE you
• HOW your organization and colleagues VALUE you
• HOW your character's VALUE has been tried and tested

Thing is, that concept of SELF-WORTH comes down to feeling that you are a GOOD person WHO deserves to be treated with respect.  If you VALUE yourself, you inherently feel that you are kind, compassionate and respectful and are worthy of those same things in return.  Aligning ourselves to our own self-worth allows us to move into more actionable steps that grow and nurture that worth.  This is done through self-value.  While SELF-WORTH seems more emotional, experts claim that SELF-VALUE is more behavioral.  This is where we take the foundation of HOW we feel about ourselves and put it to work.  SELF-VALUE align with WHAT we value📌📌📌

Psychologists advise us that SELF-WORTH is at the very core of our being.  It is HOW we step into our life and our purpose and HOW we develop our worthiness as human beings.  We can also argue that a healthy sense of SELF-WORTH is highly responsible for the decisions we make, relationships we establish and foster and the life paths we choose to thread💚💜💛

So, the $64 question is, HOW do we value ourself?  Psychologists assure us that this is NO rocket science.  To start with, we need to acknowledge our 'INNER CRITIC'.  We all have that loud inner voice that ISN'T always 'KIND'.  It interjects WHEN we have ideas and projects at hand, and it often persuades us from taking that LEAP OF FAITH or believing in ourselves.  The experts caution us if it is left unchecked, our 'INNER CRITIC' can have an effect on our self-esteem💧💧💧

Our takeaway:  We agree it's NOT always easy to show up in life.  We DON'T always stop to examine just HOW much effort we put forth in everyday living.  And one way to VALUE yourself more is to be grateful for everything you do.  True, it is easy to be critical and wish you'd done better BUT you're always doing the best that you can.  Let us keep that up and celebrate even the SMALL WINs, even those little progress. And WHEN you have those shortfalls and mistakes, we are encouraged to consistently practice FORGIVENESS to our own selves.  On the same breadth, when others hurt us, we should practice FORGIVENESS.  Psychologists declare that FORGIVENESS is the free remedy that can alleviate so much of our suffering WHEN we hold onto bitterness.  So, to KNOW OUR WORTH, let us improve our SELF-WORTH consciousness💥💥💥

GOOD NEWS For All: LEARNING IS FREE

GOOD NEWS For All:  LEARNING IS FREE

GOOD NEWS For All:  LEARNING IS FREE.  Now, for the NOT so BAD NEWS.  Seriously, we need to keep LEARNING throughout our lifetime.  Ironically, most of us [and that includes moi] consider it one of the BEST THINGS IN LIFE, that of NEVER to stop learning.  There are always new skills to learn and even techniques for us to adopt.  WHEN you look at the most successful people today, they fully understand this and they have embraced this factual statement.  93 year old Warren Buffett, the respected American investor and philanthropist admits that most of the days, he spends the biggest time by READING and READING.  This is just the latest testament to the fact that even the most successful entrepreneurs in the world DON'T act like they know everything. They all understand the fact that they have to continuously learn to be SUCCESSFUL [unless they want to stagnate]📗📙📘

You might argue with the fact that you're now earning quite a hefty sum because of your skills, qualifications and capabilities.  TRUE, no one will question your credentials FOR NOW.  NOT to scare you, my next question is, is it guaranteed that you will remain relevant in the world maybe five to ten years from now?  I hate to say it BUT I really doubt it despite the fact that I am a natural born optimist.  WHY?  Because after another five to ten years from now, it's another round refreshed📌📌📌

For us to live life to the fullest, we must continually look for ways to improve.  Even in our respective organizations, we should NEVER stop striving to help even in areas that are outside of our comfort zone.  At a high level, I can give an insight with regard my career portfolio with my current organization.  The past thirteen years, I have taken up [approximately five to six roles and responsibilities which are different from my original portfolio.  And running full circle in my career has done wonders [with no hyperbole]💧💧💧

Except probably for the small brick and mortar companies, most organizations have recognized this.  Global giants like FACEBOOK and GOOGLE have heavily invested for the upskilling of their employees.  BTW, my very first opportunity to go for an overseas business trip was WHEN I was nominated for a linear programming training in Kuala Lumpur.  And that opened up for me tons of career advancement opportunities which I doubt I would have had without my upskilling💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  SELF-GROWTH is key for us to live a fulfilling life [and that's inclusive of a successful corporate OR entrepreneurial career]. If you want me to peg a pecuniary [$$$$$] value to the dividends you will reap by constantly upskilling yourself, it's just unquantifiable because of the enormous benefits you can potentially reap along the way.  Think about NOT just your corporate life BUT your whole lifetime✅✅✅ 

A Closed Mouth CAN'T Be Fed

A Closed Mouth CAN'T Be Fed

A Closed Mouth CAN'T Be Fed.  That can be a double-edged statement BUT either way, this tells us that we CAN'T just doublespeak.  LIKE you're saying YES BUT you're refusing it.  LIKE when you claim you're supportive BUT you're NOT even lifting a finger.  LIKE you're saying you're excited BUT nothing in your body language would manifest that excitement.  In short, you can be many things BUT if you're NOT, WHAT does that make you?  And WHERE does that lead you?  Unfortunately, this is one of man's worst contradictions📗📙📘

Thing is, SPEAK YOUR MIND.  You can't wiggle out of the way and claim that you are the shy and timid person WHO can't SPEAK one's mind.  BUT obviously you CAN'T be forced OR coerced.  IF you feel you should NOT SPEAK YOUR MIND, that's find BUT ensure that there is no disconnect from within yourself.  WHAT IF you're falsely raising expectations?  WHAT IF you're NOT 'walking the talk'?  WHAT IF you are that 'talking machine' BUT effectively you are spewing all hollowed words❓❓❓

The common question that stomps me is, WHAT stops us from SPEAKING OUR MIND?  I've seen first hand top-notch sales executives, their brilliance, eloquence, creativity, intuition, their amazing ability to communicate and express their view in a way that only themselves can deftly handle it.  Frankly, it's all a part of the puzzle that makes them WHO they are, imperfectly beautiful.  WHEN they are able to open up and be vulnerable in front of another person, that's WHEN the 'real magic' happens💦💦💦

WHEN they let go of any inhibitions and just allow themselves to speak the truth, that's WHEN transformation takes place.  And yet, WHENEVER we start discussing about going out into the world showing WHO they really are, express their views, ideas and their truth, I have witnessed first hand their fear that seems to be creeping in, causing them to disconnect from their inner source that allows them to express themselves genuinely.  And that overwhelming list of arguments will provide someone with all the ruse reasons they need to continue to hide their true self even though at the back of their minds, they seem to be aware WHAT is holding them back❗❗❗

Our takeaway:  BE TRUE TO YOURSELF.  By taking that righteous path, you can project a clear big picture.  BUT why are we NOT speaking up sometimes?  Simply put, we are afraid.  Our fears are born of our perception of reality.  WHETHER these fears are based in reality OR not is irrelevant because they are real to us. We all come across situations WHERE we feel that we are being treated unfairly OR believe we have a better idea BUT are afraid OR too shy to speak up.  Dude, a CLOSED MOUTH CAN'T BE FED💥💥💥