Popularity Is Irrelevant, period

Popularity Is Irrelevant, period

Who wants to be POPULAR?  YES I DO, YES I WANT....  Of course, who doesn't want to?  BUT that's a totally different tone if you ask, should we go al-out for POPULARITY? Unless you are a politician,  or social influencer, WHY should we be angling for POPULARITY because Popularity Is Irrelevant, period💎💎💎

Popularity bias is a long-standing challenge in our life.  Even talking about things in life, popular items are overly recommended at the expense of less popular items.  Such a bias exerts detrimental impact on both users and item providers, and many efforts have been dedicated to studying and solving such a bias.  Problem is, most existing works situate the POPULARITY BIAS in a static setting, where the bias is analyzed.  Popularity Is Irrelevant, period💊💊💊

Being POPULAR is whether you want to admit it or not, something we all are tempted to want.  This is just totally normal and understandable.  We all want to be safe from ridicule and exclusion.  None of us want to be left out or overlooked.  With that in mind, it becomes obvious why POPULARITY is something so many of us strive for.  The POPULAR kids seem to have it all together.  They seem to be protected from the bullies.  They seem to be the people everyone wants to be around.  The BIGGER problem is, that is just an illusion📌📌📌

Let's face it though. People who are that POPULAR, have just as many problems as others do.  They struggle with identity, with self-worth and low confidence.  And at times, they can get so desperate to cling to their status that they will do anything to keep from losing it.  All of this is rooted in FEAR.  Which, when you think about it, makes sense✅✅✅

Kids who DON'T have the 'right; shoes get teased.  The girl who DOESN'T have the latest social media app will be railed about it.  Being different shines a giant spotlight unto us and makes us the target of awful, horrible words.  So indeed, the FEAR makes sense.  BUT what do we do about it?  The solution is to be able to stand up in the face of that fear and be yourself NO MATTER what others say.  But that is easier said than done [BUT IT CAN BE DONE] because POPULARITY IS IRRELEVANT, period❗❗❗

The Rise & Fall & Rise [of Former South Carolina Gov Sanford]

The Rise & Fall & Rise [of Former South Carolina Gov Sanford]

Last night, I was watching the Netflix Series "THE FAMILY" but I got [intentionally] side-tracked when I stumbled across that part where the travails of Former South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford started to unravel.  And before I knew it, I was 'googling' more and more about Governor Sanford, his legal tiffs with his ex-wife Jenny and even his rough and tumble relationship with Maria Chapur, his girlfriend who's an Argentinian journalist.  BUT it was NOT the clashing relationships that captured my attention.  It was the realization that we are all BOUNCY BALLS and regardless our skids and tumbles in life, it is not bad BOUNCING BACK because the natural inertia of the BALL in us will BOUNCE BACK.  Apologies I am NOT wearing another hat here as a physicist because I'm NOT✅✅✅

Going back to the 'Governor Sanford Saga', if I may call it that way, his story as a 'COMEBACK KID' was NOT one typically found in scripted movies.  In fact, after he reappeared and hosted a media conference a week after he disappeared, everyone [AS IN everyone] have all given up on him, down to his rabid followers and acolytes.  And when he had 'ONE FOOT IN' for the impeachment process, after all the political balancing acts, the South Carolina 'powers that be' decided to let him finish his term instead of giving things on a silver platter to the then Lt. Governor who had his fair share of despised political foes💊💊💊

Fast forward, what really captured my time [and self-volunteered captivity] in that 'Governor Sanford Saga' was that, after he finished his one-term governor on a very 'SOUR NOTE', everyone [wrongly] thought [and that included myself] that the last thing we would have heard about Governor Sanford is his 'political epitaph'.  Lo and behold, in less than a decade since he went into a 'political oblivion' that left him NOT only lickin' his wounds but family-less, homeless and penniless, he launched an ambitious [and many described it as an INSANE one] attempt for a political comback to run as a congressman [still in South Carolina].  AND HE WON [and that was INSANE, I thought! ]  And he served as a congressman for another three terms, whew💎💎💎

What are my realizations after this riveting 'Governor Sanford Saga'?  A couple of lessons here.  First, I'd like to state the obvious that AS LONG AS YOU'RE NOT MORTALLY DEAD, no one and no one should write you off [regardless of the severity and impact of your worst mistakes ever.  Secondly, YOU and YOU YOURSELF is the primary catalyst for you to BOUNCE BACK.  Not anyone else, not even your family.  Thirdly, to quote a captivating one-liner in 'THE FAMILY' Netflix Series, where you have crossed the line, ADMIT, REPENT and get on track back to your RECOVERY ROAD.  Definitely, BOUNCING BACK from one's darkest and worst mistake[s] ever is a tall order [BUT certainly, NOT AN IMPOSSIBLE DREAM].  I may NOT be an American [and ceetainly NOT from the Palmetto State of South Carolina] but I truly admire how Former South Carolina Governor Sanford 'rose from the ashes' to become a successful three-term Congressman, stamping a positive note as he closed out his political career.  I absolutely salute Governor Sanford for his epic BOUNCE BACK both in his political life and even in his political life💊💊💊

In a nutshell, this is the quick narrative of the RISE and FALL and RISE [again] of a South Carolina Governor who later on became a three-term congressman [and most importantly, he was once one of the favored 'presidential timbers' of the GOP [Republican] Party.  Icing of the cake here, in his 'political resurrection', without the slightest hesitation, he was front and center, locking horns with them GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump.  And in the Netflix "THE FAMILY" Series, he unabashedly drew comparisons between himself and King David [of that infamous David and Bathsheba Story] and NOT about that David and Goliath stuff.  Oh, DON'T miss  the TWO ROADS DIVERGED book authored by Governor Sanford himself.  It's worth it⏳⏳⏳

What If You Don't Have It Right, For What It's Worth

What If You Don't Have It Right, For What It's Worth

When you feel down and 'out of sync' with your thoughts, you would probably show signs that you have a low sense of self-worth without even realizing it.  You may second-guess yourself when someone questions you or try to fit into a mold that someone else wants you to be in.  BUT What If You Don't Have It Right, For What It's Worth?  Oh Oh, while it's completely normal to go through self-doubt every once in a while, having a low sense of self worth can dictate and control every decision you'll make💎💎💎

BUT then again, knowing your SELF-WORTH doesn't mean you have to be cocky and arrogant.  Instead, it's all about being comfortable in your skin, trusting your ideas and gut feelings and knowing that you deserve to live a successful and fulfilling life, no matter what other people may say.  Your WORTH is probably the most valuable thing you have, got to nurture it📌📌📌

Psychologists have released their studies confirming that many of us tend to settle for 'SELF-ESTEEM' for feeling good about how we act, look, feel or think, instead of seeking what lies beneath.  We fail to get to know our true selves because we're too caught up in the very selves we create.  No matter how much we learn to love WHO we seem to be on the outside, we will never fully embrace our WORTH until we dig deeper⏳⏳⏳

Now, why DON'T we figure out those tell-tale signs that probably we're bordering or about to breach that low sense of SELF-WORTH.  Now, do you want to CONSTANTLY PLEASE OTHERS?  Doing this all the time can allow you to forget your own needs and wants.  Now, do you allow others to treat you poorly?  Have you ever said 'SORRY' when someone else bumped into you?  Be careful because people will treat you the way you want to be treated✅✅✅

Now, how often you think you DON'T deserve much?  Having a high sense of SELF-WORTH allows you to take control of your life.  Listen, you WON'T allow another employee to boss you around or have a friend disrespect you by talking down to you.  Then, how often you feel like you're NOT yourself?  Sometimes people lose their sense of SELF-WORTH due to a traumatic event, like being fired from job.  After such traumatic situations, you may start to feel helpless and lost.  WHAT IF YOU DON'T HAVE IT RIGHT, FOR WHAT ITS WORTH❓❓❓

Truth Is, It's YOU Versus YOURSELF

Truth Is, It's YOU Versus YOURSELF

Who says we got tons and tons of antagonists and foes in life?  Socrates, the great Greek Philosopher was quoted saying "CARE FOR ONESELF AND KNOW ONESELF".  Now, from our growing up years, we were taught that being SELFLESS is a good thing and that there are many proven benefits of altruism  to our well-being but we cannot  disown that the Truth Is, It's YOU Versus YOURSELF💎💎💎

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Often, we seek validation from the wrong sources.  You will NEVER find your whole worth in another human being because you will find it in yourself and then you will attract those who are worthy of your energy.  So, why DON'T we stop waiting for others to tell us how impressive we are. Instead, IMPRESS YOURSELF.  SHOW YOURSELF that you can learn, grow and get better.  Again, life is NEVER competing with others.  WHY get bothered if your high school classmate is driving a Ferrari?  WHY be insecure if your batch mate is now a CFO of a global organization?  WHY feel down if your relative has a sprawling mansion❓❓❓

C'mon, during those times when we feel drained, depleted and demoralized, we really have NOTHING to give.  WHEN we fill our time with responsibilities and constantly prioritize the needs of others over our own, we can end up draining ourselves of energy and even desire.  I guess we've all experienced the difference between GIVING from a feeling of having something to GIVE, helping a workmate, cooking meal for our family, all because we feel we SHOULD do these all📌📌📌

With all humility, I would admit that I got classmates from way back my elementary and high school days who are now either a CEO, CFO and CIO.  But instead of ending up pitiful, I got my 'second wind' when I realized that I have a bigger number of classmates who, unfortunately, didn't make it good enough in life.  Not that I'm jumping on that but it was for me to realize that I should feel MORE BLESSED [more than I thought]✅✅✅

From then onwards, I was constantly competing versus myself.  When I woke up today, I would pause and ask:  HOW DID I PERFORM YESTERDAY?  Had I flopped yesterday, that should be rectified ASAP.  Had I added another feather in my cap yesterday, I want to move up the goal post and aim higher.  TRUTH IS, IT'S YOU VERSUS YOURSELF❗❗❗

Fork Down The Road

Fork Down The Road

You DON'T need to declare yourself either as a traveler OR as a road warrior because either way, as you traverse your life's journey, while most of the time you could be coasting along freeways and expressways, there will always be Fork Down The Road, those roads that would split up in two diverse directions, giving you just two options, e.g.  Take Road A or Road B.  In life, you would NOT even be toying around with a 3rd option with Fork Down The Road💎💎💎

Even thinking of that analogy with that traffic in the metro, there will be one too many Forks Down The Road.  And going back to our life, having options in life is a blessing but choosing well can feel like a heavy responsibility especially when the decision is life-changing.  There are ways to think clearly of your options such as thinking about what's best for you as opposed to what's 'right', thoroughly exploring your options and having faith in your own wisdom.  Making life decisions is a useful skill to cultivate as you will surely have to make more decisions throughout your life💊💊💊

Through the years, life can present major 'FORKS' in the road.  Sometimes, the best choice is obvious.  But what if you encounter equally valid options?  Perhaps you have to decide which school to attend?  OR which major to declare in your studies?  Which career?  Which job?  Which city?  Which medical treatment?  Which relationship to pursue?  Which invitation to accept?  Which way to handle an acrimonious relationship that's just getting worse❓❓❓

When we have options in life, it can be a blessing BUT it can be a curse as well.  And while it's great to have a choice, but there's that heavy responsibility to choose well, especially when each path would send you on a completely different trajectory.  So, how do we wiggle out of this?  First, think of WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU [rather than WHATS RIGHT].  This may seem like a tiny distinction but shifting your decision-making process to what's BEST can help you a lot✅✅✅

With more than one option, explore each option as thoroughly as possible.  If you need to see it visually, do it.  Actually, being there, in person, it let's your brain take in loads of key information that can inform your decision either way.  And if you know your area of interest, even intangibles like the 'vibe' of the location or the people will help you come up with an informed decision even with that fork down the road❗❗❗

There's More To Life Than Being Happy

There's More To Life Than Being Happy

There's More To Life Than Being Happy and I'm NOT about to downplay this chart of the HAPPIEST COUNTRIES [from Pinterest] which confirms that the HAPPIEST Index is at its peak in Australia, the Americas and Nordic countries.  And this eggs me to share as to how Australians can claim to be some of the HAPPIEST people in our planet.  In my business trip Down Under, my hosts surprised me with a Barbeque Party right at noontime in the middle of Prince Albert Park in Melbourne.  If you won't agree with me that Australians are that HAPPY, I can't argue more.  But for today's thread, we WON'T debate about the levels of HAPPINESS but instead ask ourselves if that is the end of all our pursuits in life❓❓❓

To reference Gallup data, the happiness levels of Americans are at an all-time high and that nearly 60 percent of them feel HAPPY, without a lot of stress or worry.  On the other hand, according to the U.S. Center for Disease Control, about 4 out of 10 Americans have NOT discovered a satisfying life PURPOSE.  Forty percent either do NOT think their lives have a clear sense of PURPOSE or are neutral about their whether their lives have PURPOSE.  This offers us a picture worth dissecting💊💊💊

Indeed, having PURPOSE and MEANING in life increases our overall well-being and life satisfaction, improves our mental and physical health as well and in the end, it even enhances resiliency, self-esteem and conversely, decreases the chances of depression.  On top of that, the single-minded pursuit of HAPPINESS is ironically leaving people less HAPPY.  To quote Jewish-Austrian psychiatrist Viktor Frankl, "IT IS THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS THAT  THWARTS HAPPINESS❗❗❗

This explains why many research studies are cautioning us against the pursuit of more HAPPINESS.  Day-in Day-out, I've witnessed many people doggedly in pursuit of HAPPINESS.  Cautious as NOT to be accused of getting into another person's turf, I have desisted from articulating my thoughts that HAPPINESS should NOT be the end point of our life.  Instead, HAPPINESS should be that vehicle  to bring us forward📌📌📌

Now, things get trickier with meaningful life vs HAPPY LIFE. In fact, in some ways, they do overlap but are ultimately different.  Leading a HAPPY LIFE is associated in being a 'TAKER' while leading a MEANINGFUL LIFE corresponds to being a GIVER.  While NOT having enough $$$$ decreases how HAPPY we are, it has a much greater impact on HAPPINESS.  The icing on the cake?  A HAPPY life is also defined by a lack of STRESS or WORRY✅✅✅

Fit Like A Glove

Fit Like A Glove

These days, things you need can happen on-the-fly and things you want can be snapped off straight off-the-shelf.  But we all want to end up with the best, perfect one.  This is analogous to young ones hoping to find his/her dream partner in life.  The trick here is that your dream partner can't be found off-the-shelf.  In fact, the likelihood is you may end up finding your partner who ends up to be as imperfect as you are [or even worse than what you are].  But's NOT our thread today.  What we want to harp is that everyone of us can still aim to be one who may Fit Like A Glove💊💊💊

Back in our school days, you could be an officer of the students council OR get invited to parties but sometimes, you could feel that you just DON'T fit in, that you're different from those other people and that those people DON'T really get you, let alone ACCEPT you for WHO you really are.  Perhaps you feel that either you're too quiet OR too talkative.  OR too serious OR too much of a funster.  OR your face OR body isn't traditionally attractive❓❓❓ 

Indeed, it is tough to deal with feeling you DON'T really fit in.  And unfortunately, there are NO easy answers but maybe let's figure things out.  Like when you worry too much about what others think of you.  Is it time to stop caring so much about what others think and start caring more about your 'SELF-APPRAISAL'?  If you look at yourself dispassionately, should you feel pretty good about the overall person you are?  If you have flaws you want to remediate, that's just fine but all of us have characteristics that are relatively immutable.  We're like a rose bush.  We'll always have thorns but they DON'T render our flowers worthless💎💎💎

While that rose bush metaphor is valid, it may NOT actually make you more 'self-accepting'.  So, play shrink with yourself.  WHY do you accept other people despite their failings BUT refuse to accept yourself?  Could it be that a spouse/partner, teacher, work colleague or someone in your family of origin devastated you and their words continue to ring in your ears?  Could be.  OR perhaps you made a serious mistake or three that you feel you deserve self-loathing.  OR is it time for us to change?📌📌📌

C'mon, IS IT TIME TO CHANGE?  Perhaps, you're NOT fitting in is worth fixing?  Is it time to work on that, perhaps in baby-steps?  If you've been so aggressive that the costs have outweighed the benefits, is it time to focus on dialing it back until your modulated self becomes automatic?  If you've been lazy, is it time to commit to working MORE and procrastinating LESS?  Yesirrrrs, we all can still FIT LIKE A GLOVE [but you got to lift your fingers to take this initiative]✅✅✅

Are You Ignoring Your OWN INNER VOICE?

Are You Ignoring Your OWN INNER VOICE?

Remember our INNER VOICE?  How often do we give value and time to our INNER VOICE?   OR do you realize now that unconsciously sometimes,  You Are Ignoring Your OWN VOICE? Oh Oh Oh, if indeed sometimes we're ignoring our INNER VOICE, we got to cut that [mal]practice.  That [mal]practice where and when too many of us would rather listen to the noise of the world and end up getting lost in the midst of that mammoth crowd💎💎💎

Our thread today is more about us, WHY do we need to find our very own INNER VOICE and HOW to truly listen to it.  BUT before anything else, can we align in defining our INNER VOICE.  That's our own gut, our soul, our innate wisdom so that leads us to understand something with IMMEDIATE EFFECT without the need for any conscious reasoning.   In short, that's our hunch, our inkling, our feeling⏳⏳⏳

So, why are we doing a HARD-SELL that we should listen more to our own INNER VOICE before anything else?  C'mon, most of our day-to-day decisions and judgment calls are needed in a SNAP.  Even scientific studies have supported this case via numerous examples of people having a hunch, feeling or intuition and while there was NO hard evidence to back them up first, science and data eventually backed this up as TRUE📌📌📌

Studies from neuroscientists have shown that 95% of our brain activity happens at an UNCONSCIOUS LEVEL.  Conversely, the studies showed that ONLY 5% of our cognitive activities [and that includes ACTIONS, BEHAVIORS, DECISIONS, EMOTIONS] come from our conscious mind.  So, all along, most of the time, we are taking information through all our SENSES all the time [and then we end up processing it at an incredible [unconscious] speed.  So, that INTUITION, HUNCH, INKLING, they are all coming from masses of information we CAN'T even cognitively process❗❗❗

On the flip side, there is COGNITION, that mental action or process of acquiring knowledge and understanding through thought, experience and our senses.  So, this is more about our ability to understand, do problem solving, discern and organize.  That's the logical thinking part of our mind where we weigh the PROs and CONs and coming to rational conclusions.  Meanwhile, let's give more impetus to our own INNER VOICE [where 95% of the action is]✅✅✅

Do We Need Digital Detox?

Do We Need DIGITAL DETOX?

Anyone NOT BUSY now?  Surely, hardly anyone is NOT BUSY.  What a life indeed.  What's our FIX?  Please do consider taking a DIGITAL DETOX initiative.  Setting a cap for your time for Meta/FB, IG, name them all.  It has worked for most who took that initiative so, I'm safely guessing it should work [NOT seamlessly though] to every Tom, Dick and Harry💎💎💎

Apart from social media, still Busy?  NOT TRUE Most Of The Time !  Yesirrrrs, NOT to make a blanket statement because at times indeed we are [LEGITIMATELY] busy, e.g. you're behind the steering wheel for a long haul drive OR you are attending/assisting for a family medical emergency OR you are on-duty, in the middle of your tasks.  But what makes many of us quite guilty [over and over again] is that BEING BUSY has become the SAFE EXIT, SAFE EXCUSE to bail out💊💊💊

Indeed, i'll immediately succumb and subscribe to this statement that 'TOO BUSY" is just a myth [of course except those LEGITIMATE EXCEPTIONS].  So, what prods us to kinda abuse and exploit this 'overused alibi'?  My personal prognosis is that, in those cases, people are simply L-A-Z-Y📌📌📌

Oh, let's NOT overlook or ignore those REAL FRIENDS who would be with us, assisting, advising and even inspiring DESPITE whatever hectic schedules they themselves are going through.  But my concern is this passive, laidback [and pardon me, I'll call it LAZY] attitude when people would over-abuse the BUSY aspect as an excuse to avoid committing oneself on something he's mind is NOT into it✅✅✅

Oh, this is one HARSH TRUTH.  Some would end up with FAILUREs and instantly and almost effortlessly, they will blame being 'TOO BUSY' as the culprit of such FAILURE.  Heard of someone faltering, failing to successfully hurdle a career certification [like U.S. State BAR EXAMS] and they would reason out "OH I WAS SO BUSY, HAD LITTLE TIME LEFT for MY REVIEWERS].  So, whether you need DIGITAL DETOX or simply a PRIORITY DETOX, just do it dude❗❗❗

Calmness Is Most Powerful

Calmness Is Most Powerful

All along, when we think of something powerful, we visualize things that will project power a.k.a. brute force.  Alas, that's NOT consistently true because over time, it's proven that Calmness Is Most Powerful more than any other arsenal one can equip him/herself.  If there is any attribute that can match up with CALMNESS, it has to be no other than GENTLENESS.  Both will go hand in hand, complementing each other.  Their combined force easily doubles the effective POWER of both💎💎💎

CALMNESS + GENTLENESS is seen in our handling of adversity.  It is often seen in the soft nature of HOW people act when they are around other people.  It is manifested via that 'sweet reverence for wildlife and all forms of life.  Such GENTLENESS is observed as well in the slow turn of one's own head to feel the wind touch the cheek.  It is akin to getting down on one knee to listen to a child and look them in the eye⏳⏳⏳

WHEN you need to carry three eggs in one hand across the room, that's WHERE you will find it.  And then you'll see it when you carefully walk around the eggshells of a sensitive or difficult topic with someone.  GENTLENESS is there in the lightness of a feather sitting in the palm of your hand.  It's there in the CALM look in someone's eyes after they've been yelled at.  It's that steady and comfortable smile everyone gives as they operate under intense pressure at work📌📌📌

It's that slow, mindful walk of a person who's surrounding by a bustling loud vibrant city street.  It's right there in the INNER SILENCE we have at any time of wonder, struggle or boredom.  When someone is listening to another person's pain, GENTLENESS is there in the 'HOLDING of the SUFFERING'❗❗❗

That GENTLENESS finds its way by freely letting go of the baggage of a problem so as NOT to interfere with the next interaction.  It truly enjoys attending to the other without a care of one's own agenda or even 'hidden plans', if at all.  GENTLENESS and CALMNESS operate with that consistently unwavering, steady hand that knows its path forward.   With GENTLENESS and CALMNESS part of your arsenal, no amount of brute force can let you crumble quickly like cookies because GENTLENESS and CALMNESS are most powerful✅✅✅