When You Hear What You Want To Hear

 When You Hear What You Want To Hear

Let's NOT call it CENSORSHIP.  As what is quite popular in today's social media, it is all about FILTERING.  That's When You Hear What You Want To Hear.  But hey, by those terms, you're NOT really listening. Instead, listen to what you DON'T want to hear.  That's how you grow.  Now, instead of getting caught up in a loop of reasoning and counter reasoning, let's figure it out why some [or probably many of us] tend to be leaning to hear only what he/she wants to hear⚓⚓⚓

WHEN we expect the listener to agree to what we say.  WHEN we expect a show of support from them only to find out there are devil's advocates amongst our listeners.  But hey, if one thinks that you just want him to agree, then he WON'T have that incentive to listen, right?  BTW, nobody likes suppressing one's opinions or feeling compelled to agree with someone they think is wrong. Now how do we fix that dilemma?  Try creating a space for conversation.  If it's a conversation with your spouse/partner, explicitly state that you want to hear his/her honest thoughts.  And more importantly, assure that you will LISTEN with no criticism💊💊💊

Problem is, we sometimes have that difficulty to accept the fact that sometimes, you won't share the same opinion or stand.  And since it may not come naturally, always assure your spouse/partner that whatever the differences of opinion, at the end of the day, both of you will still be on the same side, at the same flank📌📌📌

Especially when it's all about feedback, just DON'T expect a chorus in unison akin to the church choirs.  Instead, feedback is a genuine conduit of opinions from either your customers or stakeholders.  And while feedback is NOT guaranteed to be 100% valid as sometimes, subjectivity creeps in, by and large, it is a legitimate channel for you to hear or listen to the 'REAL SCORE' akin to being GMO-free.

Whenever I am asked what is the very #1 thing I liked in Singapore, eyebrows would raise whenever I blurt out that what I miss the most while living in Singapore for close to nine years is that 'CUSTOMER FEEDBACK' Form which every store has atop its counter.  With that 'CUSTOMER FEEDBACK', I owe it to share my genuine and unfiltered feedback, not condoning WHEN THEY WANT TO HEAR WHAT THEY WANT TO HEAR📗📗📗

Time To RECHARGE Our Mind, Body & Soul

Time To RECHARGE Our Mind, Body & Soul

Question:  When is the Time To RECHARGE Our Mind, Body & Soul?  As Asians blurt out, NOW LAH, NOW NAH ! While many companies have their unique financial or fiscal years, by and large, the gregorian calendar year still prevails and hovers all over us.  It can't be taken away from our mindsets that towards end-DECEMBER, it is the time to slacken our pace and when JANUARY kicks in, our engine accelerates all over again before we then go full throttle all over again📙📙📙

But before we buckle down with our discourse, can we realign on the same page that towards end-DECEMBER we start feeling that we are drained or simply 'SPENT' sometimes either or a combination of Our Mind, Body & Soul? Who'll argue anyway that by end-DECEMBER, just like our device batteries, when finally their battery strength starts to get drained?  Swinging over to our life, let's note that our own battery is spread across our MIND, our BODY, our SOUL.

Let's face it.  After a long week of wiggling out through the travails in life, it can be hard to be motivated to do anything other than plop down on the couch and just go on a movie binge [hello Netflix].  However, it is essential to take some time for yourself to recharge your mind, body and soul.  Otherwise, you'll just end up feeling more stressed and burnt out📌📌📌

Even Yoga has been one our popular age-old practices to recharge [and they do run those Yoga classes whole year-round].  Now let's GO BACK to BASICS for us To RECHARGE Our Mind, Body & Soul.  Primero, very simple.  GET OUTSIDE.  That is one proven way to relax and recharge your MIND, BODY and SOUL.  Being in nature helps to reduce stress, lower blood pressure levels and even help us feel more connected and at peace.  Nature also provides the perfect setting for reflection and relaxation💊💊💊

Segundo.  EXERCISE.  Please DON'T get me wrong, I am NOT an exercise buff but prior tp the pandemic, every morning, I do brisk walking for AT LEAST 3 kilometers around the condo's olympic-sized pools.  Studies have proven that exercise helps release ENDORPHINS which can then quickly boost your mood and energy levels.  So, please give this your serious consideration.  This end-DECEMBER is the best Time To RECHARGE Our Mind, Body & Soul❗❗❗

Just Quench For Thirst?

Just Quench For Thirst?  

DON'T get me wrong please.  To Quench For Thirst isn't wrong at all.  But quenching for thirst should NOT be the trigger of our self-motivation.  If you feel going to the beach to quench your thirst [for outdoors and beaches], that is just fine.  If you feel going to the shopping mall just to  quench your thirst [for malls], that's just fine.  If you feel gifting your loved ones to quench your thirst [because it is Christmas time], that is fine.  If you feel spending your weekend to do some home-baking to quench your thirst [for baking], then that's fine.  If you wanted to pamper yourself to quench your thirst [as part of your beauty regimen], then that's fine📌📌📌

When is that quench your thirst not appropriate?  In many many scenarios in life, moving the needle simply to quench your thirst just does NOT make sense.  Did you start spending more hours in your studies just to quench your thirst?  Did you start spending more time with your family and loved ones quench your thirst?  Did you start spending more focus at work to quench your thirst?  Do you feel becoming more hands-on in the household chores to quench your thirst [for the sake of the chores]?  Are you spending more time in your own business to quench your thirst from time to time?

To quote famous British novelist Roald Dahl, "IF YOU ARE GOING TO GET ANYWHERE IN LIFE, YOU HAVE TO READ A LOT OF BOOKS".  That said, if you're into books just to quench your thirst, that does NOT even look encouraging because to be a voracious reader, you should be egging yourself to keep reading NOT just to quench your thirst but you got to have that gumption of reading and reading because that feeds into the need for us to keep learning because that is a lifelong process and never a reason to decelerate because we'll lose momentum by then.

Akin to explorers way back the 17th and 18th centuries, finding another island does not whet their appetite to explore and explore.  This black and white poster looks damn boring but it's message is quite top-heavy, "DON'T GO THROUGH LIFE. GROW THROUGH LIFE".  What this means is you just DON'T go through the motions in life.  DON'T just go through the ride.  DON'T just go with the flow.  DON'T just go onbard the bandwagon.  DON'T do things due to PEER PRESSURE.  DON'T pursue things simply because everyone else is into it.  You got to put your heart into it💹💹💹

In concrete words, get to define clearly your goals.  You got to concretize things, thinking and plotting things long-term.  But despite all your ambitious goals, ensure to set milestone targets, because those "SMALL WINS" are the reasons for you to celebrate those "SMALL WINS".  At the end of the day, DON'T just do things just to quench your thirst❗❗❗

Taking The 'HIGH ROAD'

Taking The 'HIGH ROAD'

Can I get your buy-in?  That everyday in our life, can we be consistently Taking The 'HIGH ROAD'?  Obviously, that's a tall order, too much to ask from you because in the first place, that is never realistic.  BTW,  I can't even commit to such an idealistic goal because with our human frailties, from time to time, we do falter especially when our emotions take the bigger part of us.  And when that happens, things just go awry.  Pitiful indeed⏳⏳⏳

Now, before you start berating me for taking a step forward followed with a step backward, no sirrrrrrs, I am NOT taking back my words.  Instead, we'd like to qualify that Taking The 'HIGH ROAD' does NOT need us to climb a steep mountain.  This isn't a pipe dream, BTW💎💎💎

BTW, even animals take the high road too.  So, what excuse for us humans not to go that path by Taking The 'HIGH ROAD'?  When people stoop down so low up to the level of the gutter, WHY STOOP DOWN as well?  If someone screams out expletives, why do you need go for an EYE for an EYE?  When someone goes off-track, breaching ethics and values, why throw out to the window your revered ethics and values💊💊💊

And here's the thing.  Taking The 'LOW ROAD' comes from our weakness in life because sometimes, our reaction is based on emotion.  Embarrassment, hurt and rage.  When it hits you, you'll end up defending, attacking or even screaming in disbelief.  On the other hand, we have a second emotion which leads us to defend ourselves.  Knee jerk reactions instead of thoughtful response and that could lead you weak and frustrated📗📘📙

When you get caught in a quagmire, in that 'deep foxhole' you're struggling to extricate yourself, think about Taking The 'HIGH ROAD'.  In concrete words, instead of ending up vengeful with all the hate and enmity, think about the positivity you can initiate once you have survived that debacle.  Think positively how you can pick up the pieces and restore ORDER in that messy chapter of your life.  NEVER get embroiled in a nip-and-tack impasse.  Instead, continue to embrace that mantra of us Taking The 'HIGH ROAD' regardless if circumstances.  Let's go for it✅✅✅

Snippets from Miss Universe 2023

Snippets from Miss Universe 2023

Surprised ?  Surprised ?  Why suddenly I am swinging over to less serious stuff like the recent Miss Universe 2023 Pageant at New Orleans?  No sirrrrs.  Please DON'T tag stuff related the Miss Universe events as less serious.  Ironically, anyone of us can effortlessly pick up lessons from any Miss Universe events because I myself, right this morning [Saturday evening CST, USA], even passively watching the live streaming, I managed to pick up valuable snippets from the event💚💚💚

First lesson I picked was from a candidate who aggressively proclaimed that 'LET NO ONE DEFINE YOU' [except yourself].  I believe this resonates a zillion times in our life and let us admit it, most [probably 95% at the very least] of parents have the best intentions to prepare a best possible future for their children.  But that's when heard some parents insisting that his child should pursue this 'xxx' career whereas the child was so honest to admit that doesn't feel a GOOD FIT [for good and valid reasons]📌📌📌

And when eventually it's the parents' "MARCHING ORDERS" are followed, voila, guess what's the probability of the child not successfully hurdling that career path 'LITERALLY IMPOSED' by the parents?  Another lesson I picked up was another candidate clearly stating that "REGARDLESS OF YOUR START, YOU CAN GO AS FAR AS YOU HAVE SET YOUR GOAL"💹💹💹

In fact, from the eighty four candidates, easily more than half of them really shared very 'CONTENT HEAVY' lessons in life.  No less than Miss Thailand was given a special award considering her very humble roots wherein her father was just a garbage collector.  With such a storied past, we should need no convincing how far she has really journeyed💊💊💊

After all the glitz and glamor, by the time the event ended, the hands-down winner as Miss Universe was Miss U.S.A., the very first Filipina-American to capture the coveted titled.  Her roots itself was another colorful story wherein her Filipino father migrated to the U.S.A. to pursue his doctorate studies.  Indeed, SUCCESS STORIES are NOT scripted.  It's for us to plot it out✅✅✅

How To Deal With Dullness In Life

How To Deal With Dullness In Life

No dull moments in your life?  Sure not? Can't believe if one would proclaim that he/she has NO NEED To Deal With Dullness In Life because it's NOT happening in his life?  Truth is, the mechanical, dull and sorrow-filled life with occasional bouts of happiness proves that we live a very unconscious life and really have no idea what is happening in our lives.  We tend to GO WITH THE FLOW of life, ending up as victims of external situations without questioning WHY I AM LIVING this particular way.   Why can't we ask the most basic of most questions like WHY AM I ENROLLED IN THIS COURSE?  WHY DO I NEED TO EARN MONEY?  WHY SHOULD I MARRY [and start a family❓❓❓

Problem is, we never go to the very root and core of our existence and instead, mostly tend to take everything for granted and start whining when things WON'T shape us as we expected.  It seems that it never occurs in us to pose and question the meaning of life, WHY AM I HERE?  What's the purpose of this life journey I am now part of?  Once we start asking these basic questions, we won't be anymore staring into that state of DULLNESS IN LIFE⏳⏳⏳

So you might confront me, HOW DO WE LIVE A MEANINGFUL LIFE?  Let's aim to become conscious beings, know WHO WE ARE and WHAT IS HAPPENING in our lives and lastly, where is our life heading to.  Let us STOP living a 'MECHANICAL LIFE' that is nothing but shallow happiness and mostly a heavy mind burdened with stress, tension and recuringly [and more often] anxiety📌📌📌

Courtesy of International Islamic University, I grabbed this poster because it says a mouthful.  And I couldn't agree less, from this perspective, indeed, the Covid pandemic is a blessing in disguise.  Before I get bashed, please DON'T get me wrong.  I am NOT hoping for another cycle of that dreadful and dreaded pandemic.  But at hindsight, after we recovered our senses, this poster says it all.  And BTW, these are some of the FIXES to that dullness in life.  Being with our family, having more time for self-reflection, collaborating with our local communities.  This says it all💊💊💊

Now, instead of us ending up misguided and hoping that another pandemic hits us [noooo sirrrrrrs], think about it.  Ponder for a moment and ask yourself.  Is it TIME FOR CHANGE?  And before you get floored with this motherhood statement, prune it down, make it more specific because that will help you 'self-diagnose' your plight and likely you will find the FIX that is apt for you so you can deal with the dullness in life effectively💹💹💹

Look Before You Leap

Look Before You Leap

C'mon, I'll hear someone blurt once we start spending time about this piece "Look Before You Leap", that this is a no-brainer because everyone does LOOK BEFORE THEY LEAP.  However, I beg to defer sirrrrrrrrs because that is simply NOT TRUE.   From time to time, some of us [including myself a few times in the past] do LEAP WITHOUT LOOKING.  Let me rattle off such [recurring] cases which are happening more frequently than we ever thought📕📘📗

Factually, here are the circumstances when we tend NOT to LOOK BEFORE WE LEAP.  WHEN we have all the wrong assumptions.  WHEN we have the wrong facts.  WHEN our confidence went beyond the roof.  WHEN our cockiness got the better of us.  WHEN our sense of rationality and logic just fell in between cracks.  WHEN we decided to take an action beyond reason.  WHEN we totally trusted the words of assurance from another party to just follow his advice to the letter [and NOTHING WILL GO WRONG].  All these would caused you to fall down in that deep cliff.  No excuses though for such a deep fall📌📌📌

To be precise, LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP does NOT mean that you first THINK then JUMP.  No sirrrrs.  Instead, we must think of the consequences and then act.  Humans at times without thinking take hasty decisions that are ill-advised.  And, they end up with disastrous results.  As they say, before you plunge into the river, you must know how to swim.  And more importantly, one must know the depth and current of the water💊💊💊

We should have come across so many thoughts about all these.  But briefly, thinking deeply about every step in one's life will help us avoid unnecessary problems. When one acts without thinking hard about their actions, several problems can haunt you [and worst, till death].  As life is a bottomless pit that comes with NO SECOND CHANCES, never miss out on that old cliche 'HASTE MAKES WASTE'.  Rushing into anything without thoroughly planning is simply a sheer waste of of one's time and energy.  

Other culprits that cause us to take that leap WITHOUT LOOKING AROUND.  Sometimes our excuse is that we're simply running out of time.  Whew, that's baloney.  If TIME is the culprit, MAKE TIME, period.   Sometimes, we tend to buckle down from pressure.  And that pressure can come from all quarters.  And worst of the worst, that pressure may come from within us as we end up pressuring ourselves.  Folks, LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP❗❗❗

Surviving Sensitivity

Surviving Sensitivity

Who says we DON'T need to talk about Surviving Sensitivity because in the first place, we're not that sensitive, really?  Tell that to the marines.  Sorry folks, unless we're talking of someone under general anesthesia [and excluding medical conditions like being in comatose], NO ONE can ever deny that he/she remains sensitive in various ways because that's how we live life anyway⚓⚓⚓

Factor in emotions and you'll have an entirely new ballgame.  Criticism can be especially hard for highly sensitive people because we tend to try so hard and we care so much.  Eventually, it does normalize our experience to know we're NOT alone in how we experience things.  And while I myself would admit that I have developed some self-tools to handle criticism, I can still be impacted at times.  And that's when I feel the sting📗📘📙

Oh, factor-in REJECTION and you'll have a new ballgame.  But it's important to realize that criticisms are opinions, very much unique from person to person.  Even in terms of acceptance, one can be rejected by someone but wholly and unconditionally accepted by another one.  Obviously, things can get subjective but that's another thread for another day for us to tackle💊💊💊

So, there's nothing wrong at all to be a HSP [highly sensitive person] because a 20% plurality of us are indeed HSP's.  Like most personality traits, being highly sensitive is a gift but it comes along with challenges as well.  Due to the lack of understanding around being sensitive, many HSP's can feel that there is something wrong with them feeling the way they do.  However, there are also many HSP's who thrive in the bustling world we live in today.

But the most common advice we hear from clinical psychologists is that we should get rid of preconceptions.  As an HSP, it is important you understand what being highly sensitive means and even more importantly, what it means to you,  Regretfully, many HSP's are mis-labelled as shy or introverts.  Yet, studies show that 30% of HSP's are actually extroverts.  And I personally know an introvert who lives his life like an extrovert because he's an introvert.  Just another smart way of surviving sensitivity✅✅✅

When You Feel NOT GOOD ENOUGH

When You Feel NOT GOOD ENOUGH

How often do you end up When You Feel NOT GOOD ENOUGH whether on a task you just performed or something you had to undertake?  I did toss up this question before and some blurted that never in their life they ever felt NOT GOOD ENOUGH.  And my curt reaction was 'REALLY'?  So, I said if that's the case, one could be someone 'near perfect' to the extent he/she hardly caused any miscues along the way📌📌📌

Let's get to the possible root causes as to why sometimes You Feel NOT GOOD ENOUGH.  Do you have those 'CORE BELIEFS' running the show?  Just like a pre-schooler who's always with the parent going to and from school but when one day the parent is a 'NO SHOW', the pre-schooler feels somehow abandoned?  OR when your 'INNER VOICE' is quite critical and to some extent, judgmental?  As they say, MINDFULNESS is a wonderful technique for showing god enough to hear your thoughts clearly.  It is about listening and letting go to thoughts without judgment💊💊💊

OR when you had demandingor aloof parents that left you feeling NOT GOOD ENOUGH?  You may have had a 'good childhood' living in a nice house and you ended up NEVER WANTING ANYTHING. But if your parents always wanted you to be better than what you are, asking you to be SMARTER, quieter or sportier, or if they favored another sibling⏳⏳⏳

Whatever the real score is, the message is that you were not GOOD ENOUGH.  Too bad because as children, we naturally seek approval and love.  Unknowingly, we learn to SUFFOCATE our real personality and become that 'good child' at the price of turning into an adult who never feels a sense of worth.  Or in some unfortunate cases, the parents were just unable to provide the child that environment good enough for you as a child📌📌📌

Or probably, as a kid, you didn't get that enough 'attachment'?  Which is a harsh reality these days when a working couple only has a caregiver to take care of the kids when they're at work [which is understandable] but note that that 'unconditional love' of a parent will be surely missing in the equation?  Bottom line is for us to have the awareness so that we can overcome things WHEN YOU FEEL NOT GOOD ENOUGH📗📗📗

Satisfaction Waxes and Wanes

Satisfaction Waxes and Wanes

Not to spoil your New Year but here's a gentle reminder before 2023 goes in full throttle.  As our Satisfaction Waxes and Wanes, we might end up moving goal posts from time to time this year.

DON'T look farther than the fries you tend to crave [whether it's from Burger King or from the Australia Franchisee, that's Hungry Jack's].  Regardless, when one craves for that tempting french fries, you would look for its FRESHNESS.  When it's FRESH, you'll look for its SALTINESS.  Then its CRISPYNESS.  That vicious cycle will go on unabated because that's where we humans are caught up in life. With nothing or with barely anything, we'll aim for the most basic things in life, till our satisfaction WAXES before it WANES📗📗📗

In life, this all boils down to the loggerheads between REALISM and IDEALISM.  Besides our insatiable desires, we humans tend to be so driven with IDEALISM, not realizing that we can live with something that is less than IDEAL.  Years back when I was in my consulting work based in Mumbai, I had to vociferously convince my client CIO that that IDEAL solution will take light years to come into fruition.  He then caved in💹💹💹

Not to shoot down your motivation level, I've seen people who seemed to be knocked off because they kept waiting for their IDEAL solution to shape up.  Till they just got knocked off by stubbornly waiting with stretched patience.  Unfortunately, while in the past I kept harping that indeed patience and persistence do pay off, that doesn't run true for MISPLACED patience and MISGUIDED persistence.  You just DON'T remain patient for the heck of it.  Neither do you persist if you are at loggerheads with either an immovable force or object.  Way to go is find a workaround, circumvent, go around that road blocker no less💹💹💹

Don't look farther than the flock of birds perched along those wires up there.  Studies have shown that even amongst birds, SATISFACTION WAXES and WANES.  And akin to humans, 99% of them end up with the same fate, except for that 1%.  And that's exactly what's happening whether it is in EU, in the Americas or even in Asia.  Studies all point to that 1% success rates to achieve goals because the remaining 99% get stalled💎💎💎