Finding Comfort In Darkness

Finding Comfort In Darkness

For some of us, that which traditionally causes comfort leaves us feeling anxious rather than calmed.  YET, some kinds of darker experiences create feelings inside that are deeply comforting to those WHO simply cannot accept comfort in the more widely accepted traditional ways.  Oh, our brains have etched in processing grooves from a past which could be full of long stretches of emotional pain and discomfort, to the point WHERE those places of DARKNESS are WHAT feels like our baseline.  Call it Finding Comfort In Darkness💴💷💵

WHEN our life gets twisted and sometimes painful for long periods of time, your soul hurts and lingers in the past, leaving it feeling strangely compelling to stay hidden in the DARK places.  Some people cannot accept JOY and KINDNESS at all from others, because it CANNOT be accepted into their DARKENED soul.  It feels alien and jarring.  We do try and it's often a source of pain and distress for partners and friends WHO try to show the love and comfort BUT who fail to hit the right ways as our receptors are wired upside down compared to their own.  And while many of us with painful pasts can accept some level of joy and light into our lives, many of us also seek out the DARKER sides to the world around us📗📙📘

DARK films, DARK humor, DARK imagery, and DARK clothes feel familiar to be around and therefore comfortable to those WHO grew up in a wilderness of abuse OR neglect.  We seek out the DARK because it's the only thing that creates a space that feels safe around us.  The light carries NO intrinsic balm to our soul, BUT the DARKNESS feels like a warm cosy blanket wrapped around us☺☺☺

Goths and vampires, skulls and bones, lovecraft, they all pull us in, those that were forged in fire and ashes.  They speak to something twisted inside and create a sense that we are NOT alone in our FORTRESS of SOLITUDE.  When we finally find a passage out of the danger, a way to let go of our trauma, do we shy away from DARKNESS❓❓❓

The DARKNESS, the controlled fright, the playful ways we can take control of the DARK.  Illusion OR not, it feels like 'normal' to me.  ISN'T all magic made of shadows, light, reflects, and distractions?  Perhaps it's a kind of magic, this perverse translation of DARK to light.  Our takeaway?  Even if the DARK is our home, it could be a place where sorrow can be refined into hope, madness into genius, and trauma unleashed into memories.  This is all about FINDING COMFORT IN DARKNESS💚💛💜

Are You Sure That PROBLEM Is The PROBLEM?

Are You Sure That PROBLEM Is The PROBLEM?

There's this interesting quote from Albert Einstein:  IF I WERE GIVEN ONE HOUR TO SAVE THIS PLANET, I WOULD SPEND 59 MINUTES DEFINING THE PROBLEM AND ONE MINUTE RESOLVING IT.  Well said.  We all have PROBLEMS and those PROBLEMS make us feel bad.  So, to make the BAD feelings go away, we have to channel all our efforts into solving our PROBLEMS.  Are You Sure That PROBLEM Is The PROBLEM???

Now, let's refocus with REALITY, with WHAT'S happening on the ground.  If focusing on your PROBLEMS and trying to tackle them head-on with all the effort you can muster works, WHY do you still have so many PROBLEMS?  If the common way of solving PROBLEMS is so effective, WHY are our lives a string of PROBLEMS, one seamlessly flowing into the next one like abacus beads❓❓❓

Part of the issue is that we consciously OR subconsciously believe that life is a combination of EFFORT + STRUGGLES, that nothing comes without HARD WORK, and that putting your nose to the grindstone is the ONLY WAY things can change.  And I think that is a very sad and depressing approach to LIFE and I'm going to make a case for another approach.  So, WHY is it the COMMON PROBLEM-SOLVING APPROACH doesn't work?  Now, imagine you have money problems now.  Perhaps you DON'T even need to imagine it because you actually have them right now, right❔❔❔

Most of us have OR had that issue.  So we all know HOW shitty this feels.  Anxiety, worry, and stress are all UNPLEASANT side effects of having a money PROBLEM.  NOW, to solve this issue, naturally, we do the ONLY thing that we've been taught to do WHEN it comes to solving PROBLEMS.  Focusing our attention on it and trying to figure a solution out😇😇😇

BUT there are two issues with this problem-solving approach namely:

• ANXIETY, WORRY, and STRESS get intensified
• RARELY do we find a satisfying solution

These two outcomes make sense IF we look at WHAT the focus-on-the-problem approach actually does.  Because a lack of money is emotionally associated with anxiety, worry and stress, the more we FOCUS on it, the BIGGER these emotions become our very own experience.  These negative emotions are the felt sense of our PROBLEM state.  We DON'T like this state.  So, now we want to move from the PROBLEM state to the SOLUTION state.  BUT because our whole system is in the PROBLEM STATE, we CAN'T get to the solution.   So, ARE YOU SURE THAT PROBLEM IS THE PROBLEM???

That ART of LETTING GO

That ART of LETTING GO

I heard this one-liner gazillion times:  YOU DON'T GIVE UP ON THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE.  And I admit I live by that saying.  It makes so much sense  that IF you love someone, you DON'T give up on them.  You keep trying, you keep putting yourself on the line because GIVING UP IS NOT AN OPTION.  Now experts say that is wrong, incorrect and hurtful.  So, how's That ART of LETTING GO📗📙📘

Now, experts are telling us that you CAN'T hold unto people, long after they've let you go OR in fact ever.  You have to GIVE UP on them at some point because if you DON'T, you're just creating this magnanimous God-like image of yourself in your head [which becomes toxic].  So I thought hey, I love this person, so I got to keep fighting.  BUT the only person you could be hurting in this process is yourself.  The person you love and are, apparently, are NOT giving up on has GIVEN UP on you and left you long before you even knew it, while you stand there, hurting yourself and pushing yourself, over and over again, just because you them and NOT yourself❓❓❓

Is that healthy enough?  The person that you have to continue choosing OVER and OVER again is yourself.  It DOESN'T have to be your parents, your partner/spouse, your siblings, your bff, OR anyone for that matter. i admit that in the past, I did struggle with putting myself first for the longest time.  At first go, I might come across as someone who's rather selfish and DOESN'T believe in giving anyone a piece of their heart.  BUT, I actually just put everyone on the pedestal and myself way below.  Back then, I acted mostly out of impulse.  As a result, I kept living in the scenarios inside my head, rather than the real ones💎💎💎

I DON'T think anyone knows how to completely let go OR not fall back from time to time if they do, BUT there are definitely ways to make it easier for you to let go WHEN you relentlessly DON'T want to let go.  So WHAT's our FIX?  ACCEPTANCE is the first step in doing anything.  Living IN DENIAL will hurt you more than anything and NOT accepting your emotions is harming yourself in ways you just CAN'T decipher❎❎❎

There's this proverb which caught my attention sometime back:  'WHAT IS DESTINED WILL REACH YOU, EVEN IF IT BE UNDERNEATH TWO MOUNTAINS.  WHAT IS NOT DESTINED WILL NOT REACH YOU, EVEN IF IT BE BETWEEN YOUR TWO LIPS'.  In a nutshell, let us LIVE OUR LIFE the way you did, with OR without the person/thing.  Wake up, workout, run, eat healthy, work harder and LIVE while accepting the fact what you LET GO, is gone.  Practicing the ART OF LETTING GO😔😔😔

Late Lessons In Life

Late Lessons In Life

LIFE is an endless movement of lessons where some people learn easily, and some are struck with the painful pangs of experience.  Because we go through time, we come across facts that modify our viewpoints, providing major insights into the delicate dance of our existence.  BUT how about our Late Lessons In Life💵💴💷

Because we go through time, we come across facts that modify our viewpoints, providing major insights into the delicate dance of our existence.  These principles, which are frequently drawn from times of joy, sadness, success OR failure, serve as guiding lights, lighting the route ahead.  BUT such is LIFE, a journey of twists and turns, peaks and valleys, mountains to climb and oceans to explore📗📙📘

GOOD times and BAD times.  HAPPY times and SAD times.  BUT again, LIFE is indeed a movement forward. NO matter where you are on the journey, in some way, you are continuing on and THAT's what makes it so magnificent.  One day, you're questioning WHAT on Earth will ever make you feel HAPPY and fulfilled.  And the next, you're perfectly in flow.  WHAT nobody ever tells you, though, when you are a wide-eyed child, are all the little things that come along with 'growing up'💎💎💎

You might be in for a shocking surprise if we rattle off some of the lessons we normally learn LATE in our LIFE.  WHEN most people are scared of using their imagination.  Like they've disconnected with their 'inner child'.  They DON'T feel they are 'CREATIVE'.  And they just seem to like things 'just the way they are'.  WHEN your dream DOESN'T really matter to anyone else.  Some people might take interest .  Some may support you in your quest.  BUT at the end of the day, NOBODY CARES or will ever care about your DREAM as much as you✅✅✅

WHEN friends are 'RELATIVE' to where you are in your LIFE.  Most FRIENDS only stay for a period of time, usually in reference to your current interest.  BUT when you move on, OR your priorities change, so too do the majority of your FRIENDS.  WHEN your potential increases with age, have you heard that yet?  As people get older, they tend to think that they can do LESS and LESS.  BUT in reality, they should be able to do MORE and MORE because they have time to SOAK up more knowledge.  Being great at something is a daily habit.  You AREN'T just 'born that way'.  Let's LEARN LESSONS IN LIFE [before it gets too late], dude❗❗❗

Just Go On, No One Cares WHAT YOU DO

Just Go On, No One Cares WHAT YOU DO

Early in my career, the FEAR of FAILURE drove most of my decisions.  HOW would I look?  WHAT would people think?  In short, I lived in a constant state of anxiety, being 'hostaged' by the supposed judgments of others.  WOULD I ever get a second chance if I failed?  And IF I did fail, HOW could I pass the blame to someone else?  If NOT, could I blame circumstance?  CAN'T we Just Go On, No One Cares WHAT YOU DO🎈🎈🎈

This thinking led me to make consistently poor decisions about HOW I lived, WHAT got my focus, and WHERE my emotional energy was expended.  My rule then [which I thought was the right one] was:  As long as it 'looked good', then DO IT, because at that time, I [wrongly] thought that I was perceived really mattered most.  I would be in the middle of the 'rat race' from one meeting to another, from one client from Singapore's East Coast to West Coast📌📌📌

After all these frenetic schedules, I DIDN'T realize that I was as busy as hell and in the end, I accomplished NOTHING.  In fact, it seemed worse than NOTHING.  If I failed to secure a client signoff, all my efforts seemingly went down the drain.  If our RFP was not favorably considered by our client, that means, I failed in that pursuit for that client💴💷💵

After my umpteenth failure, an incredible realization washed over me and that NO ONE CARED.  NO one remembered my mistakes either.  Here and there, people would have faint memories BUT they quickly faded.  WHO would like to etch on stone one news in the past that my prospective client didn't act favorably on my RFP?  But realizing that people's memories easily faded, I felt I regained being FREE.  FREE to try hard.  FREE to fail.  FREE to learn from my mistakes.  Suddenly, I felt I could be reincarnated with each new endeavor📗📙📘

Soon after, my logic drove me into a ditch.  If NO one cared, did I matter?  I had always lived for others.  to make others like me, to impress them, to be heralded.  I couldn't figure out WHY I was NEVER satisfied regardless of the awards, congrats or our corporate banking won deals.  It made me realize that TRUE SUCCESS must be defined.  That I'll JUST GO ON, NO ONE CARES WHAT I DO✅✅✅

Been Chasing Things That Make You HAPPY?

Been Chasing Things That Make You HAPPY?

Been Chasing Things That Make You HAPPY?  Isn't this a confusing topic for our thread today?  It used to be, life seemed much simpler when we were kids.  There were much less things to worry about, and more things that could make us truly HAPPY.  It was amazing how some simple things used to put a BIG SMILE on our face.  I vividly remember how happy I was when I got my first toy car, albeit a manually pushed miniature-sized one💵💴💷

The thing is, as we grow older and our world gets bigger and we gain new experiences, we get overwhelmed and see happiness as something that is hard to achieve and fail to see it's been there all along.  WHY it it so much harder to be HAPPY when you get older?  Oh well, WHEN we were kids, we were so completely focused on ourselves, everything we did, we did to make us feel good📗📙📘

Reality is, as adults, we let society define the notion of HAPPINESS [BUT where are we in that story?].  We need to look for HAPPINESS inside and stop doing things that AREN'T helping us at all.  So, what are our FIXES?  Primero, STOP IGNORING your own needs.  Trying to please everybody is a MISSION IMPOSSIBLE.  You will never be able to do that.  The harsh and hard truth is that NOBODY else will take care of you except YOU.  And the sooner you realize this, you'll be better off then📌📌📌

What we need to realize is that everyone is different and nobody knows better than YOU what you really want and need.  Do sit down and take a moment to think about your desires. TUNE OUT 'outside voices' and follow your emotions and they will tell you WHAT you need.  It DOESN'T make sense you take care of other people's needs BUT who's taking care of YOU❓❓❓

WHAT else?  STOP comparing yourself to others.  There are NO two same people, NOT even Siamese twins.  And that is a wonderful thing.  Being unique as we are, there's NO point in comparing ourselves to other people.  We just end up being miserable and envious of the things we DON'T have.  We have faith in our life journey and that everything we want will find its way to us at the right moment.  That should STOP you from CHASING THINGS THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY✅✅✅

Unchecked EGO

Unchecked EGO

Who's our #1 ENEMY who remains incognito most of the time?  It is our Unchecked EGO.  EGO in itself is NOT bad and it is even a necessary and important part of evolution.   EGO is a survival mechanism that keeps you safe whenever you're vulnerable and weak as a child.  It becomes harmful [instead of being BAD] only when you hold on to it later in life.  EGO is like the hard shell protecting the vulnerable seed inside while the external conditions are NOT quite ready for the flower to bloom.  If you DON'T have the protective shell, the seed will most certainly die.  If you, however, DON'T shed the shell when the conditions are right, the seed also dies without ever blooming.  It is thus critical that you shed the shell when the time is right💴💷💵

Personally, I see EGO as that wrapping paper covering the unique expression of joy.  EGO hides the special gift inside.  To uncover that gift you first need to remove that wrapping paper.  WHEN you DON'T access this joy, little by little the fuel that gets you up in the morning starts fading away.  Until depression sets in📙📘📗

BIG challenge is HOW can we spot the EGO in the room?  EGO comes in many forms and sometimes it can be hard to discern between EGO and internal knowing OR purpose.  EGO is always selfish and greedy as it comes from an EGO-centric perspective.  Then the mentality turns from 'WE' to 'I'.  Internal knowing, on the other hand, is aligned with your higher good and thus always has a positive impact.  That becomes the "WE" rather than 'I' perspective💎💎💎

The thing is, our minds do trick us.  Like I myself, I judge everything based on how they behave, talk, and think.  I can see everything because I thought that I knew everything.  UNTIL I realized that I was WRONG.  Another realization is that many of us [that includes moi in the past] believe that we knew everything.  We thought that the more we think from our own perspective, the more we realize that everything that happens will be according to what we thought❎❎❎

Many of us [that includes moi in the past] tend to keep judging HOW people behave and HOW they treat us.  We judge them for being either fake OR genuine.  One mistake and then 1,000 judgments come into our own minds about another person.  Should we be CAUTIOUS?  Yes we can BUT we got to enjoy life too.  Our takeaway, let us try to ENJOY LIFE rather than trying to know everything.  Let's get off that UNCHECKED EGO ASAP❗❗❗

How Are We Reacting In Life?

How Are We Reacting In Life?

How Are We Reacting In Life?  Indeed, life can often feel like a never-ending roller coaster ride.  One minute you're UP, the next you're down.  It's easy to get caught up in the twists and turns, responding and reacting to whatever comes your way.  BUT is this really LIVING LIFE?  WHAT IF instead of just reacting, you approached each day with intention?  WHAT IF you felt empowered to shape your LIFE experience, instead of letting external forces control you❓❓❓

Again, it all starts FROM WITHIN.  Most people go through life without truly knowing themselves.  They will give their name, age, job title, etc, BUT WHO are you really?  WHAT do you value most?  WHAT vision do you have for your LIFE?  To LIVE LIFE fully, it is imperative that you must know yourself well enough.  You've got to find out something about yourself.  Dig deep.  Reflect on your core values, passions, strengths, and even weaknesses.  And dig deeper to understand WHAT really MOTIVATES you, WHAT keeps you moving.  This SELF-AWARENESS is the foundation for living intentionally📗📙📘

lif you're in that predicament, TUNE OUT THE NOISE, a coinage that evolved from psychologists.  As it is impossible to live purposely when everyone else's agenda consumes you, society, family and even your peers, their expectations will continue to infiltrate your own mind, even shaping and influencing your desires.  And their opinions become your SELF-TALK!@#$?

So, WHAT's our FIX?  You must TUNE OUT THIS NOISE, and start listening to your own INNER VOICE.  What do you want?  NOT what will make others happy BUT WHAT makes your soul come alive?  Oh Oh your answers may surprise you.  BUT do trust them.  They hold the key to your own self-fulfillment.   Moving forward, OVERCOME THE RESISTANCE❗❗❗

To quote noted American thought leader Bryant McGill, IF YOU WANT YOUR LIFE TO BE DIFFERENT, YOU HAVE TO START REACTING TO LIFE DIFFERENTLY.  So, this brings us back towards OVERCOMING RESISTANCE.  Once you have defined your vision, you'll quickly hit roadblocks, that I guarantee you.  Well-meaning people may even criticize your dreams.  Hidden FEARS and DOUBTS will surface until they start to undermine you.  The path of LEAST RESISTANCE is to give up.  BUT hey, LIVING FULLY means having the courage to ignore the naysayers, including your own self-sabotaging thoughts.  Do persist in the face of criticism.  Learn to manage your own demons.  We CAN'T be REACTING TO LIFE FOREVER!@#$?

How I Wish Every Day Is A 'SUPER TUESDAY'

How I Wish Every Day Is A 'SUPER TUESDAY'

How I Wish Every Day Is A 'SUPER TUESDAY'.  Yes, this is wishful thinking because that is next to impossible to ever happen because even in the United States, SUPER TUESDAY happens only once every four years, that few and that far in between.  BTW, just to be crystal clear, me NOT being a U.S. citizen, today's piece should NOT be taken as a sheer intervention in the domestic affairs of U.S. politics.  I thought of SUPER TUESDAY as our piece today because I've always been enamored by it📘📗📙

So, for the benefit of our readership not so familiar with U.S. politics, here's a bit of a Primer 101.  SUPER TUESDAY can make OR break a presidential candidate's bid to win their party's nomination, and that applies to both the Democratic and Republican parties.  With more than a dozen states voting on SUPER TUESDAY, it is the most consequential date in the U.S. presidential campaign calendar [apart from election day itself].  BUT we won't get into the nitty-gritty of the mechanics for SUPER TUESDAY but instead, we'd like to relate to it vis-a-vis our day-to-day life calendar📌📌📌

From our day-to-day life perspective, I have this mixed feelings of envy and fear with SUPER TUESDAY [depending on your mindset because you could either be excited or fearful short of manifesting that phobia].  And yet, I continue to nurse that wishful thinking that everyday be akin to SUPER TUESDAY.  WHY?  Because if ever SUPER TUESDAY comes into fruition in our daily life, that levels up the playing field, giving us that fair chance to succeed OR fail, to hit OR miss, to achieve OR flop, to end up either as a winner OR as a loser.  BUT hey, no one amongst us ever wants to be either a flop OR a failure.  WHY?  Because everyone wants to be a WINNER💧💧💧

Let's face it.  If every day in our calendar is indeed a SUPER TUESDAY, that gives us that constant opportunity to be a WINNER [if we DON'T flop].  BUT unfortunately, this WON'T happen because our calendars are all cast in stone.  In fact, while in the U.S., SUPER TUESDAY does happen every four years, in our real life, SUPER TUESDAY happens and knocks ONLY ONCE in our daily life as a one-off opportunity.  As that old cliche goes, opportunity knocks only once, dude❗❗❗

Our takeaway?  Let's mark every day in our calendars as SUPER TUESDAY.  WHY?  TO remind us that opportunities do knock at our very own door.  TO encourage us to squeeze every ounce of our will power to successfully take on every opportunity that pop-up.  TO help us realize that the 365 days in a year does NOT mean that opportunity will repeatedly come back to us day-in day-out.  HOW I WISH EVERY DAY IS A SUPER TUESDAY💥💥💥

What Separates PRODUCTIVE Versus BUSY People

What Separates BUSY Versus PRODUCTIVE People

What Separates BUSY Versus PRODUCTIVE People?  Oh Oh, gazillion of charts are scattered across because comparisons between BUSY and PRODUCTIVE people can't just be avoided.  Now, this all boils down to TIME, it being the greatest commodity of all.  We just don't HAVE enough of it to accomplish our GOALS.  It is WHY I strongly believe that the difference between them comes down to two words:  SET BOUNDARIES💵💷💴

It's a HARD lesson for many [and that includes moi].  SETTING BOUNDARIES has taught me quite a plenty, like being able to walk away from things that DON'T serve me or my purpose.  In the shortest words, it is saying NO to things and to people more than saying YES [without even batting an eyelash].  Having said that, let's admit that it remains a 'TALL ORDER', easier said than done📗📙📘

Let's admit it, most ambitious people are driven by results and doing more, NOT less,  In fact, hard-driving entrepreneurs are typically relentless in their pursuit of capitalizing on every opportunity presented to them even if it means growing and expanding their 'domains' way and beyond their core activities.  BUT the question is, is it SUSTAINABLE✅✅✅

So WHAT separates BUSY people from PRODUCTIVE people?  Let's relive typical day-to-day scenarios.  We sit down to accomplish a specific task BUT the minutes and hours tick by.  Then we're interrupted and we realize we haven't made any progress?  We start the day invigorated and excited to accomplish all we have in front of us.  By end-of-day, you realize your TO-DO List remains unchecked❎❎❎

Maybe it's NOT even you or me but a work colleague, one you would think could be a 'high flyer' if he or she would put their mind to it BUT for whatever reason, they just CAN'T get out of the proverbial second gear, accomplish all that they probably could.  Our takeaway here is that among men and women, getting insufficient sleep was the negative habit most closely associated with "PRESENTEEISM", defined as the 'PROBLEM OF WORKERS' BEING ON THE JOB BUT BECAUSE of ILLNESS, NOT FULLY FUNCTIONING".  C'mon dude, let's cross that fence from being BUSY to being PRODUCTIVE❗❗❗