How To Get Back On Track

How To Get Back On Track

Falling and Failing is NEVER  'un-normal'.  I myself I have fallen down and failed several times in my life, some of which were HARD FALLS a weaker soul would not have survived.  Even failing recurred in me many times in my life.  Alas, as the old clicke goes, "I'M STILL ALIVE AND KICKING".  So let's discuss How To Get Back On Track📗📙📘

Thing is, NEVER take NO or NON or NEIN as a show-stopper.  NO is NOT an option at all.  It really doesn't matter if you faltered or failed.  And while it's common for us to assume that habits are ALL-or-NOTHING [which means you either work out everyday OR you're sedentary for the rest of your life], a crooked thinking like this cam be dangerous and prevent us from moving on.

Some got misguided, in fact, by purposely missing out one opportunity, [wrongly] thinking for example by NOT working out for a day WON'T affect habit formation.  Studies have proven that wrong,  Instead, studies tell us that we should endeavor working towards avoiding the second missed opportunity. Avoiding a 'second mistake' is really key for us NOT to fall in the same trap again

The key here is that we should NEVER skip a habit twice.  Consistency is more important than perfection, in fact.  Just DON'T lose time or energy mulling over the missed opportunity.  Instead, focus your mind on getting back on track.  STARTING EASY is another simple proven trick as confirmed in studies.  If for example your goal is to implement a new workout regime into your routine, you should aim for a behavior that has the least friction. 

A very common mistake we do is trying to do a 'CATCH UP'.  Example, if you skipped to work out for a day, the next day, you might work out for a period twice as long as you normally would.  CAREFUL!  That could backfire as you're adding MORE FRICTION to a behavior that is NOT yet a habit.  So, KEEP IT SIMPLE and START SMALL as that should ease up things for you to GET BACK ON TRACK with much lesser odds❗❗❗

Is Your Life 'ON A DOWNSLOPE'

Is Your Life 'ON A DOWNSLOPE'

Anything that downslope offers us the most scenic shots ever, where any point is a vantage point where that downslope scenery will capture your attention at least during those fleeting moments.  EXCEPT if we start discussing things if Your Life is 'ON A DOWNSLOPE', skidding and running downhill on a tailspin.  When that happens, the very next ACTION you take will dictate your fate, that is, whether you will end up SAFE or worse, end on something tragic💎💎💎

Prior to the pandemic when we would drive to the countryside quite often, once we get into those DOWNSLOPEs, as a driver, it offers me one of those elusive perks only someone seated on the car's front seat will get to ever enjoy.  But alas, sometimes my passengers [seated at the back seat] would confess that NERVOUSNESS creeps in those moments📀📀📀

Unlike road driving though, in life, we are deprived of such helpful signages.  No one AS IN no one will ever alert you that your life is skidding.  It's for you to figure it out and quite instantly, figure out how to mitigate the risks of that DOWNSLOPE direction.  You can leverage on your HELPLINES but the bottom line is, with you behind the steering wheel, your fate [and as always, the fate of your passengers [BTW, they are your immediate family members]] will all hinge on the next sequence of actions you will take and that includes the TIMELINESS + ACCURACY of your action.  There's just NO ROOM FOR ERROR

God forbid, it's just unavoidable in life when sometimes emergencies may hit us.  And that's when you retrieve your CHEAT SHEET as you scramble to take equally emergency measures.  Health and financials are our most common recurring 'enemies' but rather than hark on them [as that will be an exercise in futility], the only recourse for us is to be in FULL CONTROL of things, period💹💹💹

As this poster goes, LIFE can NEVER be PERFECT.  But it's for us to initiate all the tweaks and fine-tune things to get into near-perfect state.  And while the car drivers have the luxury of those signages alerting them, be forewarned that there are NO signages in life that will alert you.  You're on your own, even if you are skidding ON A DOWNSLOPE🔍🔍🔍

Life Can Fly On A Single Engine [Just Like The QANTAS Flight]

Life Can Fly On A Single Engine [Just Like The QANTAS Flight] 

Browsing through the newswire pages, I got almost floored reading that that Qantas flight from Auckland to Sydney safely landed even with one engine down.  Swinging back to our life, I though Life can indeed fly on a single engine [note:  FAA requires flights to take flight on two engines because that much power is needed during takeoffs] 🔋🔋🔋

This is where we can draw a parallelism between these airborne flights and life itself.  As much as the FAA [Federal Aviation Administration] requires aircraft to takeoff with two engines, in life as well, from the time the infant is born until his/her growing-up years, it's like his/her life requires two engines as well [that's the child's parents guiding every step of the way [till the child can stand on his/her own feet]. Indeed this is the parallelism between that airborne aircraft and the child, needing at least one engine💊💊💊

Similar to the FAA's approval that aircraft can land even with a single engine, in life, once YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN, YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN.  Yes, 'tis true that from time to time you can radio for HELP [or even initiate a MAYDAY Call], but at the end of the day,  once YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN, YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN📌📌📌

Now, lest I be accused of being racist, the [HARSH] truth is that there are cultures were family structures are tightly-knit wherein it's very common to see all under one roof, the original family inclusive of the families of each of the children [and even the newly setup families of their third generation.  But DON'T get me wrong as there is NOTHING wrong per se except that HOW CAN THE BIRDS LEARN TO FLY THEIR WINGS [if they continue to be UNDER THE WINGS of the parents and even grandparents]

So, your life can be likened to that Qantas flight whose second engine just conked out in the middle of the high seas while UP THERE.  In life, you will be traversing immense sheets of waters all by yourself.   UP THERE, all you will need is your INNER COMPASS plus your unwavering resolve to get through all the way down to the FINISH LINE.  Replicate the deft maneuvering of that Qantas pilot who made sure the flight landed safely, with all passengers unscathed❗❗❗

Coping With Loneliness

Coping With Loneliness

By itself, loneliness is NOT a medical condition or illness.  Instead, it is a casual manifestation caused by either specific triggers or prevailing circumstances.  Nevertheless, Coping With Loneliness deserves space in our discussion because it is something pervasive and prevalent regardless of one's current state in life💡💡💡

But the fact that loneliness is confirmed to be on the rise [especially when the recent pandemic hit us all].  And contrary to the misconception that loneliness is caused by being alone, per se, that is not the case.  On the other hand, solitude [or being alone] can actually be enjoyable and enriching, and in the end, helping us to recharge.  But once our social needs are NOT met, that's when loneliness may creep in📌📌📌

While everyone can experience Loneliness from time to time, it's NOT something for us to ignore.  Like all difficult emotions, it can be a sign that something is just NOT right.  The RED FLAG arises is if loneliness becomes a chronic problem. By then, such a situation may even wreak havoc on one's health and well-being.  The fix here is to explore all possible courses of action dependent on various variables💊💊💊

The most popular first action to take is is to reach out to one's family or [TRUSTED] friends.  The context for 'FRIENDS' here are NOT just Facebook 'FRIENDS' but rather bonafide and genuine 'FRIENDS'.  And even if reaching out means virtually, calling or texting someone you TRUST to share your vulnerable feelings is a good start to wiggle out of Loneliness.  Getting out of your home and go where people would go, like parks and malls✅✅✅

Indeed, Coping With Loneliness is all that matters.  When we're lonely, it's normal to focus on ourselves and our sorrowful feelings. But we can sometimes shift our mood by focusing instead on how to help others.  Being kind to other people has many benefits, among them, feeling more connected and in the end, that will get more appreciated❗❗❗

Asal Bapak Senang [AS LONG AS MY BOSS IS HAPPY]

Asal Bapak Senang [AS LONG AS MY BOSS IS HAPPY]

Just early this morning, I came across this Bahasa Indonesia expression, "Asal Bapak Senang" which means AS LONG AS MY BOSS IS HAPPY.  When incumbent Indonesia President Joko Widodo took over the reins from the perennially corrupt previous regimes of Indonesia, "Asal Bapak Senang" was just one battle cry out of a long list as he had to face the steep challenge of combating and arresting the widespread corruption across Indonesia.  And as the incumbent President, he was not one official easy enough to win over via the corrupt ways of the past.  And I think we laymen can pick u a lesson here from Indonesia📙📗📘

BTW, this is not to go on a reverse crusade and peddle the half-truth that we should NOT make the boss happy.  Please DON'T get me wrong.  In fact, we should always be guided with "Asal Bapak Senang"  which means AS LONG AS MY BOSS IS HAPPY.  Problem is, some of us would tend to appease our boss [or it could be our partner/spouse or our loved ones] NOT for the right reasons📌📌📌

Surely, we have heard tons and tons of CORRUPT practices everywhere.  LIKE illegitimate importers attempting to BRIBE the government customs officers.  LIKE that reckless driver who runs over a pedestrian and attempts to BRIBE the traffic officer.  LIKE those desperate to go to another country, ending up to BRIBE immigration officers [only to get offloaded from the flight manifest when their bogus documents are uncorked]💊💊💊

Diving into our life, where our relationship with our partner/spouse or loved ones matter most, let us NOT embrace this "Asal Bapak Senang"  practice which means AS LONG AS MY BOSS IS HAPPY if our intentions are less than what 'GOOD FAITH' is all about.  If it's all to appease or provide some relief from an otherwise acrimonious relationship, then let us NOT take that part because you're not scraping the bottom of the barrel with that✅✅✅

The thing is, it's not just making someone HAPPY.  It is all about doing things in GOOD FAITH, with no ulterior or underlying intentions which will only undermine that act itself of making someone HAPPY and aligned with "Asal Bapak Senang"  which means AS LONG AS MY BOSS IS HAPPY.  Bottom line is, even when making someone HAPPY, it has to be done in GOOD FAITH, with the BEST INTENTIONS❗❗❗

Choose Your Battles

Choose Your Battles

Who says we should always be 'battle ready' in life?  No sirrrrrrs.  On the contrary, we should not be bracing for battles at all.  True we got to be ready if something inimical to us arises but that should be far and few in between.  In fact, if you had the room to wiggle, embrace this age-old mantra:  Choose Your Battles.  Otherwise, DON'T court conflicts.  Shy away from potential 'powder kegs' that may just blow out to your detriment💡💡💡

Knowing which battles to fight [and maybe leaving it for another day [which you hope WON'T come]] is important enough to be successful in life itself.  If you find yourself fighting one too many battles, and worse on too many fronts, you may end up feeling drained of either a combination of mental, emotional and/or physical energy.  Worse, both your performance either at your business or at work and coupled with your relationships with your partner/spouse and/or loved ones may inevitably suffer as a result⏳⏳⏳

 Hard to Choose Your Battles but it's NO rocket science though.  Thinking that you have to fight a battle that actually belongs to someone else is a very mistake to make.  Sometimes you can get involved in another person's battle without even meaning to.  Or worse, you might be that kind of person who likes to "STICK UP FOR" your more timid BFF. Endeavor to resist falling into that TRAP at all costs💊💊💊

 Oh, I grabbed this anonymous poster because it speaks volumes.  Let's face it.  In life, we will come across all shades of personalities including the 'petty people'.  But as this poster goes, if your life is BIGGER and BETTER than those petty people, just shy off from the 'petty' ones.  NEVER stoop down to their level because they will [surely] drag you down in a dirty way not deserving of your values and persona.  And if it's someone else's battle, then someone else needs to be fighting it, not you at all💹💹💹

To quote Sun Tzu, the famous Chinese general and philosopher during the Eastern Zhou period in China, "THE WISE WARRIOR AVOIDS THE BATTLE'.  And if you're not stomped with that argument, do take a step back and look at the big picture.  And DON'T forget to ask yourself:  WHAT HAPPENS IF I LOSE THE BATTLE?  Think of the downsides, the risks.  Will you just throw out through the window all your efforts and successes in the past [and get dirtied in the mud]❓❓❓

Still Hoping For People To Change?

Still Hoping For People To Change?

Is this not a common hope?  And in reality, a common frustration?  Still Hoping For People To Change?  And BTW, there is nothing wrong to Still Hope For People To Change but here's the thing.  People are different.  But it's true, sometimes it's hard to just accept people for who they are.  How can we be at peace then with someone, faults and all?  And BTW, a whole lot of other people's behavioral manifestations could be really be so casual and petty📌📌📌

Leaving cabinet or closet doors open.  Sending spam emails.  Turning a deaf ear to dripping water from the faucet.  All these petty things, when we lump them all, it could be one big issue with someone, till the pressure builds up and things get blown right in our faces.  Hmmmm. We DON'T need to look far.  We can start with our loved ones and immediate family, our neighbors, our co-workers and even the drivers of public conveyances.  And it's fine to try to influence others in either skillful or ethical manners.  But problems arise when we lean towards contempt, fault-finding and other forms of struggle💊💊💊

Instead, we could accept them for WHO THEY ARE and for WHAT THEY ARE NOT.  And ACCEPTANCE here means that we will give up to the truth  and the reality itself.  For understandable reasons, we may NOT like it.  It could be grandiose things like, we DON'T want children to get hungry every day or it could be something personal like you're missing your parents who passed away.

But things are what they are and we can accept them while still trying to make them better, if ever that's possible.  ACCEPTANCE grounds us in what is true, which is where we have to start for any lasting effectiveness, happiness or even healing.  ACCEPTING people does NOT itself mean agreeing with them or even liking them.  We can still take on appropriate actions as we're simply accepting the reality of the other person.  We may NOT like it or you may not prefer it or worse, you might even feel sad or angry but try to dig in at a deeper level, you would [likely] realize that you are AT PEACE with it.

But if there's one thing you should NOT give up, it's HOPE.  To reach that point of a clear phase of ACCEPTANCE, try starting with with a simple direct experience like accepting the sensations of breathing.  For a few breaths, try to focus on the sense of of letting the breath be whatever it is.  Thereafter, try accepting something that's difficult to accept but alongside your breathing, try to hold this fact in a context of acceptance, and still clinging For People To Change✅✅✅

When Culture Matters Most [Gong Xi Fa Chai]

When Culture Matters Most [Gong Xi Fa Chai]

Gong Xi Fa Chai.  Happy Chinese New Year to our Chinese communities celebrating CNY.  And given that Chinese New Year is being celebrated now, it behooves that we pause for a while and look into the values of the Chinese Culture which any of us non-Chinese should be able to appreciate from an objective perspective.  And it is just apt to take a sampling of the most common and popular Chinese practices. It does NOT matter whether one is Pro-China [politically] or not, we just cannot ignore the widely encompassing impact of the Chinese culture to our global village.  BTW, there are thirty five [35] Chinatowns across nineteen [19] countries across Asia, I.S. and Europe💎💎💎

I vividly remember the many dinners hosted by my bosses both in Singapore and when I was in Hong Kong for a month.  It was NOT just about the scrumptious dishes whose memories I cherish and relish till now but instead it's the Chinese cultural values.  LIKE the value to sit down together with the family during dinners.  LIKE the 'order of heirarchy' in the seat arrangements [during events and reunions]📌📌📌

LIKE the first to lift a pair of chopsticks is usually the head of the family.  During those Chinese meals hosted by my Chinese-American and Chinese-Canadian CEOs and CFOs, they were considered the 'head of the family'.  LIKE the default 'SEAT of HONOUR' in the table [even in a roundtable, the seat facing the entrance or access to the dining room.  LIKE the best and richest offerings are always placed near the parents or SEAT of HONOUR.  Once all the invited diners have gathered, that 'business of eating' begins.  In very traditional Chinese families, the MOST JUNIOR DINER would 'start the ball rolling' by inviting the 'ELDERS' to partake of the meal.  Statements steeped in tradition like " FATHER, PLEASE EAT.  MOTHER, PLEASE EAT AND OTHER SENIORS"📌📌📌

LIKE once the older diners start helping themselves to the food, the younger ones can relax.  But there still are certain rules of etiquette that must be observed.  LIKE you are supposed to take food from the plate nearest you.  LIKE you must NEVER flip through the food with your chopsticks which is considered rude💊💊💊

LIKE the diners around the Chinese table often pick up choice morsels and it in each other's bowls.  That is an expression of affection as if to say "I CARE".  LIKE a favoured child or head of the family or an honoured guest may get a chicken drumstick, a succulent piece of fish belly or a tender piece of pork.  LIKE when the meal is completed, the pair of chopsticks is always neatly placed by the side of the bowl [and NEVER on top of the bowl or WORST, stuck into the remains of the meal].  As there is NEVER a perfect culture or race, can we pause for a minute and peruse this apples-to-apples comparison of the American and Chinese cultural values.  An eye-opener indeed.  Gong Xi Fa Chai❗❗❗  

Do You Live Under A Rock?

Do You Live Under A Rock?

Do You Live Under A Rock? [not literally though].  Truth is, many of us, at some points in our [misguided [or worse, till the present]] past, we tend to live and exist as if we are underneath the rock, to an extent that we are unaware and oblivious of the things happening around us, even those happening right at our very nose📕📗📘

Unfortunately, some of us tend to still Live Under A Rock.  On a first person account, I have witnessed some who were not only eccentric and odd if not bizarre or downright outlandish.  Typically, if someone lives at another's home, rightfully he/she is expected to be observant and sensitive enough of the day-to-day practices in that home.  Frankly, unless you are a paying tenant, being an external party, the owners and host of that home shouldn't adjust to that 'external' person but instead, it should be the other way around.  Talking about being 'IN SYNC' with everyone else💹💹💹

Instead, I have [surprisingly] witnessed some who had the 'nerves' to live on his/her 'OWN TERMS' instead of having that mutual co-existence with the host/owners.  Having the temerity to be the 'ODD MAN OUT' is very much embraced if everyone else is a villain except you yourself.  Unfortunately, such eccentricity will heavily influence one's behavior [and even character] even at the workplace.   And that raises a 'RED FLAG' if one's behavior and even discipline at the workplace is not consistent anymore with CONFORMANCE and COMPLIANCE💊💊💊

Under normal circumstances, we detest it if someone gets isolated and eventually, existing like an 'outcast' because sometimes, the majority could be mistaken to be playing the 'mob rule' card but how else can people play their cards in a normal way if someone tends to put up that invincible wall between him and the rest?  Unfortunately, there are no UPSIDEs when one Lives Under A Rock

The FIX?  Immerse and assimilate with what prevails out there.  And which I did when I chose to live in Singapore for close to nine years.  Despite its cross-cultural environment, I got to immerse myself and assimilate with what prevails out there because certainly, I didn't want to Live Under A Rock📌📌📌

When You Hear What You Want To Hear

 When You Hear What You Want To Hear

Let's NOT call it CENSORSHIP.  As what is quite popular in today's social media, it is all about FILTERING.  That's When You Hear What You Want To Hear.  But hey, by those terms, you're NOT really listening. Instead, listen to what you DON'T want to hear.  That's how you grow.  Now, instead of getting caught up in a loop of reasoning and counter reasoning, let's figure it out why some [or probably many of us] tend to be leaning to hear only what he/she wants to hear⚓⚓⚓

WHEN we expect the listener to agree to what we say.  WHEN we expect a show of support from them only to find out there are devil's advocates amongst our listeners.  But hey, if one thinks that you just want him to agree, then he WON'T have that incentive to listen, right?  BTW, nobody likes suppressing one's opinions or feeling compelled to agree with someone they think is wrong. Now how do we fix that dilemma?  Try creating a space for conversation.  If it's a conversation with your spouse/partner, explicitly state that you want to hear his/her honest thoughts.  And more importantly, assure that you will LISTEN with no criticism💊💊💊

Problem is, we sometimes have that difficulty to accept the fact that sometimes, you won't share the same opinion or stand.  And since it may not come naturally, always assure your spouse/partner that whatever the differences of opinion, at the end of the day, both of you will still be on the same side, at the same flank📌📌📌

Especially when it's all about feedback, just DON'T expect a chorus in unison akin to the church choirs.  Instead, feedback is a genuine conduit of opinions from either your customers or stakeholders.  And while feedback is NOT guaranteed to be 100% valid as sometimes, subjectivity creeps in, by and large, it is a legitimate channel for you to hear or listen to the 'REAL SCORE' akin to being GMO-free.

Whenever I am asked what is the very #1 thing I liked in Singapore, eyebrows would raise whenever I blurt out that what I miss the most while living in Singapore for close to nine years is that 'CUSTOMER FEEDBACK' Form which every store has atop its counter.  With that 'CUSTOMER FEEDBACK', I owe it to share my genuine and unfiltered feedback, not condoning WHEN THEY WANT TO HEAR WHAT THEY WANT TO HEAR📗📗📗