WHY Constantly Searching For HAPPINESS 'MAY' Lead To UNHAPPINESS

WHY Constantly Searching For HAPPINESS 'MAY' Lead To UNHAPPINESS.  Is this worth our time for today?  Me thinks this topic may NOT be the hottest one we can pick BUT it's HOT enough, at least for today.  So, is this true, WHY Constantly Searching For HAPPINESS Can Lead To UNHAPPINESS?  OR are we into a play of words here?  NO sirrrrrrrs.  This is serious stuff.  Many [and likely everyone] of us did hit these rough patches along the away📘📙📗

YES, we all agree that HAPPINESS is a key ingredient of our well-being.  It is thus reasonable to expect that valuing HAPPINESS will lead us to beneficial outcomes.  We would tend to argue that this may NOT always be the case.  Instead, valuing HAPPINESS could also be self-defeating in the sense that WHEN the more people value HAPPINESS, the more likely they will feel disappointed💥💥💥

Psychologists shared that this could commonly apply to positive situations in which people have every reason to be happy.  NOT being an American, I do note that even in their U.S. Declaration of Independence, they included the provision that HAPPINESS is an 'inalienable right'.  But, setting that aside, let's face it that there is substantial variation in the extent to which people value HAPPINESS.  WHEREAS some view it as a nice thing to have every now and then, others see it the other way around.  True, at first glance, valuing HAPPINESS should lead to POSITIVE outcomes because it has always been [safely] assumed that the more one values HAPPINESS, the happier one will be.  BUT at a closer glance, however, a particular feature of our human pursuit may lead to POSITIVE-NEGATIVE outcomes of valuing HAPPINESS.  There's an interesting twist in this though😀😀😀

Looking back, I do realize that people's values determine NOT only WHAT they want to achieve BUT it even creeps through our own pre-set of standards against WHICH we would tend to evaluate our own achievements.  And the person WHO highly values academic achievement and wants to achieve high grades is bound to be disappointed at times WHEN he falls short of his own high standards.  BUT in the case of academic achievements, though, this may NOT matter for the goal at hand❌❌❌

Our takeaway:  The mother of all ironies here is that people WHO highly value HAPPINESS set HAPPINESS standards so high to an extend that it becomes difficult to achieve OR obtain, leading them to disappointment along the way.  Analogously, the paradoxical effect of valuing HAPPINESS should depend on the emotional context at hand.  LIKE people are unlikely to get disappointed WHEN they do NOT if they fail to be happy after hearing a close friend had an accident.  For now, can we pause to filter those pursuits of HAPPINESS that will [ironically] lead us to UNHAPPINESS❗❗❗

We're NOT In the Business Of "NEXT TIME"!

We're NOT In the Business Of "NEXT TIME"!

In that Netflix movie "SNIPER: GHOST SHOOTER", a fellow soldier confronts his colleague WHO hesitated to take the shot needed:  We're NOT In the Business Of "NEXT TIME"!  That's HOW close it can get insofar as its relevance to our one-time life.  Everything in our life is on a ONE-OFF basis.  And WHO says that there is a second time around?  NO SENOR.  NADA MAS.  NEVER buy that baloney of a second chance because this is HOW all our lives have been plotted to progress.  Each one of us is given a one-time chance in practically any opportunity OR chance given at hand.  WHEN hesitation creeps in [for WHATEVER reason like fear?], you will lose things by default and the worst part in losing is NOT by taking action at that very moment in time📗📙📘

To quote English Playwright Alan Bennett:  SOMETIMES THERE IS NO NEXT TIME, NO TIME-OUTS, NO SECOND CHANCES.  SOMETIMES IT'S NOW OR NEVER.  Let's go back memory lane, back during our school days.  Did our teacher/lecturer give us second chances after taking a major exams and flunking it?  How was it WHEN you were grilled in those job interviews, was there a second chance?  WHEN a troubled couple in a very troubled marriage finally, was there a pre-agreed second time around???

Same script did run in that Netflix SNIPER GHOST SHOOTER, they missed out killing the marked terrorist, all because the other sniper did NOT have that gumption to pull the trigger.  And the implications were far-reaching because the whole covert project had to go back to the drawing board.  That's the ramification WHEN we do have that opportunity BUT miss it out for WHATEVER reason.  Serious ramifications we CAN'T ignore💧💧💧

Sadly, the reality is murkier than WHAT it seems to be.  WHEN we discuss those 'NEXT TIME' chances in relationships, that terrain looks trickier.  Choosing to accept someone back into your life after they offended OR harmed you is anything else but simple, no matter if it's a family member WHO has grown distant, a dissolved friendship OR an 'old flame' that HASN'T quite burned out completely.  Questions starting in our face for relationships are:

• ARE THEY ACTING AS IF NOTHING HAPPENED?
• ARE THEY BLAMING YOU & YOU CAN'T ACCEPT IT?
• ARE THEY GENUINELY REMORSEFUL, IF AT ALL?

Our takeaway:  This life cycle we're in, WHETHER we're running damn slow OR speeding as fast as Japan's Shinkanzen trains, we just CAN'T afford to miss every single chance and opportunity every step of the way.  WHEN hesitation creeps in, you're stalled.  WHEN fear pulls you back, you're 'dead on the water' [by default].  WHEN you think you're NOT ready to take on that chance at that point in time [because you were NOT ready], WHEN will you be ready?  WHAT guarantee do you have that next time around you are much readier than ready?  If there are unresolved conflicts within families, and you think it will die a natural death over time, damn it, it WON'T because lingering NEGATIVITIES will hover and prevail even over time.  In short, in this life gifted upon us, WE'RE NOT IN THE BUSINESS OF 'NEXT TIME', no sirrrrrrrrs❗❗❗

Any Unfinished Business Yet?

Any Unfinished Business Yet?

The worst thing in life is for us to inherit Any UNFINISHED BUSINESS .  WHY?  Because UNFINISHED BUSINESS means an issue has not been resolved.  In short, there is NO closure to it.  You would hear someone saying, "I NEED TO TALK TO THOSE FOLKS BUT I CAN'T".  WHY?  All because of that UNFINISHED BUSINESS.  That's WHEN things are left hanging and/or open up in the air.  Time can lapse through and that  UNFINISHED BUSINESS  will hardly die its natural death, so to speak.  Instead, it will thread out and thread out.  Of course, the worst part are life's tragedies that are way beyond our control.  LIKE the sudden and unexpected death of a family member.  That throws everything in shambles.  Nevertheless, UNFINISHED BUSINESS creates a gaping hole📗📙📘

UNIFINISHED BUSINESS lingers for all of us.  Especially WHEN tragedy strikes, we DON'T get that chance to SAY ENOUGH.  For the worst part, UNFINISHED BUSINESS can leave a hole in a relationship with someone else.  Even beyond and outside those immediate family members, I've witnessed friends WHO were like 'blood brothers' or 'blood sisters' BUT all because of a one-off snafu in the past, they cut off the umbilical cord that did bind them through all the years.  Sad, indeed sad.  As an analogy, ISN'T it an eye sore to see buildings whose constructions are unfinished.  AREN'T they an eye sore, cluttering up the horizon.  BUT going back to relationships, what counsellors do advise us is writing letters.  It's amazing HOW many people resist spending the time to actually follow through.  I would surmise they DON'T imagine that that measure could be helpful💧💧💧

Sometimes, people WHO resort to writing letters end up finishing those letters BUT oblivious of WHAT  their purpose was.  YES, they wanted to hear an apology, they wanted a clearer understanding for their own point of view and they want their truth known WHETHER OR NOT it makes a difference OR they want to be heard more.  In the end, NOT every letter written gets sent.  Some letters get revised and sent.  BUT the truth is the sender of that letter CAN'T expect, hope OR want any response❎❎❎

Often, it is more useful to write the letter to your own self.  WHAT matters is that you learn with greater clarity WHAT is that will help you feel 'FINISHED' OR 'CLOSED' so you can move on more wholeheartedly.  In concrete BUT simpler terms, UNFISHINED BUSINESS is always dubbed as those unnecessary clutter in life.  That old cliche 'OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND' are all hollowed words, nothing more than that because dissecting it, there is NOT substance beyond those words😉😉😉

Our takeaway:  Deep down into our personal lives, we MUST and NEED to account for UNFINISHED BUSINESS, period.   Otherwise, they will continue to be lingering in your life, and they WON'T taper off from weighing down on you.  You might NOT be consciously aware of this because you may seem so used to that 

energetic weight, UNTIL you start taking care of UNFINISHED BUSINESS one by one and all of a sudden, you will feel how a weight is being lifted off your shoulders. Think about it, dude, that UNFINISHED BUSINESS, if at all💥💥💥

How Often Your 'FUN MAX' Turns To 'STRESS MAX'?

How Often Your 'FUN MAX' Turns To 'STRESS MAX'?

Surely, for a bigger chunk of our lives, everyone had more 'FUN MAX' than 'STRESS MAX'.  Those FUN MAX moments are those times WHEN we fire up all our cylinders and we go full throttle YET with all the FUN all over us.  After so many years in the rat race, however, WHO can blame us if those FUN MAX moments would eventually turn into those STRESS MAX?  So, the lingering [and pestering] question to me now is How Often Your 'FUN MAX' Turns To 'STRESS MAX'?  And digging into this quagmire, my curious self pushes me to ask the troubling question:  WHAT triggers those FUN MAX times to turn to STRESS MAX?  Luckily, the psychologists have a ready answer to it, all pointing to STRESS📗📙📘

Avoiding all the gobbledygook and jargon, we're told that STRESS is the normal culprit to the pressures in our every day life.  Worry, fear, anger, sadness and other emotions, name it, they are all seemingly normal emotional responses to situations and yes, they are part and parcel of our daily life.  However, if the STRESS that underlies these emotions will interfere with our ability to do the things we want OR need to do, that STRESS can become unhealthy.  As always, we are counselled to NIP THINGS IN THE BUD but that is easier said than done though💥💥💥

BTW, experts tell us that STRESS can either be either physical, mental OR behavioral OR a combination thereof.  Unfortunately, there's a huge plethora of symptoms for either of these kinds of STRESS:

PHYSICAL - Heaviness in your chest, increased heart rate, chest pain, headaches, grinding of teeth, etc

MENTAL/BEHAVIORAL - Being more emotional than usual, feeling edgy or overwhelmed, resorting to drugs OR alcohol, struggling solving problems, etc

WHERE do we go next?  It's a no-brainer dude.  We got to figure out how to COPE with STRESS, period.  Without misrepresenting myself as an SME [Subject Matter Expert] here, allow me to share my 2-cents.  Taking a leaf as to HOW I had to extricate myself from STRESS.  First off, I had to take some time off for myself.  Even if that meant just 5 to 15 minutes a few times a day, I would take a BREAK FROM REALITY❗❗❗

Our takeaway:  How often do we hear that that DISTRACTION is bad?  Ironically, allow me to ride on its coat tails and encourage ourselves to DISTRACT our mind WHENEVER we see the tell-tale signs of STRESS.  Instead, let's try to focus our mind on something other than WHAT's causing that STRESS.  Maybe, do something FUN, watch a light OR FUN movie. Maybe, we can flip back STRESS MAX back to FUN MAX 😀😀😀

When We Hesitate, Do We Choke Next?

When We Hesitate, Do We Choke Next?

For us laymen, HESITATION is just one of the nuances in our daily life.  BUT this is a BIG gaping hole psychologists have been deciphering because to them, HESITATION can have the NEGATIVE consequences such as worry, pressure and even procrastination.  And worse, it might even result in missed opportunities or even poor decisions.  So, is it true When We Hesitate, Do We Choke Next???

According to the psychology experts, in their field, HESITATION is extensively investigated as part of decision-making and motivation.  Moreover, these experts continue to dig deep into the underlying causes primarily because of the psychological dynamics.  Various researches also show that they are unable to pinpoint the very precise moment when HESITATION kicks in.  And from a psychology perspective, experts tell us that it seems our brain tries to defend us from committing mistakes, hence that leads to that HESITATION point💥💥💥

Apparently, to piggy-back on what we hear from the experts, several parts of our brain play an important role in the decision-making.  And our AMYGDALA is responsible for emotional reactions, particularly fear.  And that can influence our threat aversion in the fact of ambiguity.  Somehow, experts advise us that we need to have a deeper understanding of psychology to understand HESITATION😊😊😊

Surprisingly, most of us laymen hear about EGO over and over again BUT WHO amongst us ever heard of our 'SUPEREGO'?  According to experts, WHILE the EGO attempts to meet our desires in response to the external stimuli while the "SUPEREGO' serves as the 'inner censor', protecting us from things that are either harmful OR unsuitable to us.  So, these two mechanisms can trigger that influence in our decision-making❌❌❌

Our takeaway:  Those threads of FEAR, FULFILLMENT and UNCERTAINTY certainly have its bearings [and tentacles?] in HESITATION.  And it seems the most prevalent is the fear of the unknown WHEN we humans end up as 'habitual beings', WHERE we choose those that are familiar and predictable to us.  To compound matters, when that FEAR of FAILURE creeps in, our HESITATION sometimes would lead us to choke next!@#$%

Life Is What We Make It

 Life Is What We Make It

As we grow older [and more mature], let's face it, life will only get HARDER.  Please DON'T get me wrong, I'm NOT trying to unduly raise alarms.  BUT once we accept that reality, we can embark in our journey with an open mind.  And deep inside me, I always believed that having a POSITIVE outlook on life will help us to get through many hard times.  I've witnessed families WHO lost their loved ones in a tragic way.  I did witness people crying and let sorrow fill their lives BUT at the end of the day, we always need to maintain an optimistic attitude in life WHILE at the same time, we are cautioned NEVER to take anything so seriously because our  Life Is What We Make It.  The only thing that is permanent is the way we react📗📙📘

LIKE WHEN we are going up a crowded stairs and we trip and fall right on our face, true it might seem embarrassing BUT can we just laugh it off?  it might seem to be a huge deal at the time BUT pouting about it will NOT make anything better at all.  Instead, we need to keep our head up and laugh it off.  I always remember that NONE of the little things are permanent OR define WHO I am.  The only thing that is permanent is the way we react to these situations❎❎❎

If at all, another reason we need to keep that cheerful attitude is because life is short.  Without sounding alarms,  we NEVER know WHEN our last moments on earth will be.  SHOULDN'T we all be seizing the opportunity to be happy?  Every old person I encounter tells me that teenage years are the best days of our life that we will remember for a long time.  And I DON'T believe that we should waste dwelling on the NEGATIVE.  Yes, we want to remember those days as bright, hopeful days and NOT stressful days.  YES, let's endeavor to remain as POSITIVE as possible throughout our life as I firmly believe that we need to remember our days as bright and hopeful ones💧💧💧

Traversing our daily lives, if we limit our choices only to WHAT seems possible OR reasonable, there is a high probability that we will end up disconnecting ourselves from WHAT we truly want, and all that is left is compromise.  Without casting premature calls of judgements, our present life is the result of all the choices we have made up until this moment.  And we are the only one responsible for WHERE we are right now, for HOW our life looks, for HOW we get treated by those around us💦💦💦

Our takeaway:  Even WHEN it boils down to the quality of our life, if we want to change the quality of relationships we have, we have to start by taking responsibility for everything.  Indeed, for everything! And if we keep doing the same things over and over again, we will end up with the same results [TRUST ME on that!] .  And our life will LIKELY change the moment we decide that it's TIME TO CHANGE, it's as simple as that, all starting with a thought, an idea and based on that, actions will follow suit.  YES dude, LIFE IS WHAT WE MAKE IT!!!

Be Xtra wary of 2FA [Two-Factor Authentication]

 

Be Xtra wary of 2FA [Two-Factor Authentication].  Ooops, I'm not saying we should ditch 2FA's because that's way beyond our purview.  If 2FA is WHAT your banker offers, WHAT can we do then?  Let's spell it as V-I-G-I-L-A-N-C-E no less.  NOT to speak like those doomsayers, 2FA is NOT the end-of-the-world BUT alas, good for us, things are evolving.  Breaking news today, Google is ditching 2FA and replace it with QR codes.  HOW and WHY QR code is a thousand miles much better than 2FA, let's take that on💥💥💥

So, WHAT are the perils of 2FA?  It's that surprisingly easy to get hold of an SMS code.  If someone steals your smartphone, for example, those scammers will be able to access ALL [as in ALL] of the SMS codes it receives.  BUT take note that scammers DON'T need physical access to intercept your SMS codes.  In fact, they can do this while sitting in another part of the globe!@#$%?

Scammers can trick your telco carrier into 'TAKING OVER' your phone's SIM card.  From here they can disable your SIM card and transfer all the services over to their own so they can remotely access all SMS codes sent to your SMS number.  If your bank account is protected by SMS-based 2FA, for instance, they will receive the code on their own device, then authenticate themselves and voila, break into your account, ouch.  Some scammers are even engaging in a practice known as TRAFFIC PUMPING❎❎❎

So WHAT'S TRAFFIC PUMPING?  These scammers will fool organizations [and BANKS!] into sending large number of SMS messages to a set numbers [they earlier 'HOSTAGED'] which these scammers "NOW OWN".  They make a profit from those messages while the rest of us deal with a deluge of spam.  By moving away from SMS-based 2FA, Google hopes to limit these incessant scams around us😊😊😊

Our takeaway:  Just to share a bit of authentication options, I have had the chance wherein instead of relying on SMS-based authentication, the organization uses a dedicated 'AUTHENTICATOR APP' [a.k.a. password-less Passkeys System] that Google itself is pushing quite a bit.  WHEN using an authenticator app, the code generates every 30 seconds on a secure service that is controlled only by YOU and NOT by those telco carriers.  Authenticator apps themselves require biometric authentication and can be password protected as well and that adds an Xtra layer of security.  Meanwhile, until your banker's authentication does migrate to true-blue 'AUTHENTICATOR APPs', please be Xtra Xtra Xtra cautious by NOT getting tricked with all the 'modus operandi' hovering all over us❗❗❗

Nipping Things In The Bud

Talking about conflicts in life, YES it happens and that's pretty normal, very much part of relationships, WHETHER it's our family relationships or those at the workplace.  True, conflicts can be uncomfortable and challenging for many of us BUT psychologists counsel us that there are pre-emptive ways even WHEN we end up in difficult conversations because WHAT matters is for us to be navigating disagreements with others.  In that way, rather than being part of a conflict, we could be Nipping Things In The Bud📗📙📘

Let's swing into real-life situations.  WHEN we have disagreements with someone, WHAT do we do next?  Do we tend to ignore the problem and avoid the person?  OR do we confront the person right away?  OR do we look for a compromise?  Everyone has a different way of approaching conflict and frankly, there is NO correct approach because each option and alternative has its own UPsides and DOWNsides. It pains me in real life to be aware that some people WHO used to be 'soul sisters' OR 'soul brothers' for many decades are NOT and NEVER on talking terms [even as we speak now].  To my inquisitiveness, I feel bewildered WHY neither one of either parties have reached out???

All these boil down to understanding HOW we personally deal with the conflict at hand and HOW your own style could even clash with someone else's.  Once we understand HOW we will handle the conflict, we can then take steps to prevent it and work more effectively with others WHEN it does arise.  NOT sure WHAT is your 'conflict style' then?  Fact is, if you do anticipate a brewing disagreement even in the beginning, pay attention to any thoughts OR behaviors that could fuel a negative approach to resolve the issue💧💧💧

Without claiming to be a self-proclaimed expert in handling conflicts, allow me to share my first pre-emptive step in life.  WHERE possible, I'll endeavor to strengthen my relationships with others with the end view of preventing conflict.  And WHEN we have that strong connection with someone, it can be easier to focus on the problem and work together to find a solution rather than assuming the other is at fault.  Sharing with others will allow us to develop empathy and resolve disagreements amicably💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  Communicating can be tough.  I can attest to that because once I stepped out of my home country, I had to ramp-up my soft skills in interacting with my workmates and even clients across cultures, name it, the Chinese, Indian, Malaysian, European and even Singaporean cultures.  I even had to learn the rudiments of body languages, LIKE WHAT does it mean WHEN Indians shake their heads sideways, etc.  So, it was a hell lot of balancing act for me BUT I had to learn it fast so I can NIP THINGS IN THE BUD!!!

Sometimes, We Take Our Life For Granted [Only To Realize That We Got ONE LIFE]!

Sometimes, We Take Our Life For Granted [Only To Realize That We Got ONE LIFE]!

This is NOT a headline-grabbing stuff BUT generally, I observe that some of us [and I'm guilty of that sometime in my past] take life for granted UNTIL we DON'T, OR worse, UNTIL we CAN'T.  And WHILE some of us DON'T take it for granted once we realize that our time is pretty short in this world, sadly for others, they literally run out of time before they could take out part of it to think about its scarcity.  WHEN was the last time we took a step back from our chaotic life and showed gratitude for being alive?  Sadly, some of us start our days either being anxious by our life's problems OR frustrated at yesterday's brutalities WHILE neglecting the 'miracle happening' with every rising sun.  Sometimes, We Take Our Life For Granted [Only To Realize That We Got ONE LIFE]📗📙📘

Think about it, we never ask WHY shouldn't our bodies had given up on our own self in the night considering that many of us NEVER bother to take of them.  I came across this impressive one-liner from the late great Steve Jobs: 'IF YOU LIVE EACH DAY AS IF IT WAS YOUR LAST DAY, SOMEDAY YOU'LL MOST CERTAINLY BE RIGHT'.  That made me realize life's mysteries and truths [including the NOT so obvious truths].  That made me realize life's limitations limitations💦💦💦

Oh Oh Oh, that was the first time I got to think about death and my mortality.  Way back, living the better part of the decade knowing this, that led me to realize the directions in life.  Despite all that, there were times WHEN I still forgot this lesson as much as many of us, sometimes ending up even messing my life.  Admittedly, I knew the intellectual concept of death BUT several times in the past I forgot it as a reality until I realized then that I had to put a concrete effort for every conscious breath I have💥💥💥

All these times, I took knowing for realizing WHEN they are two quite different things. We often know WHAT is right OR wrong  BUT we get to realize it WHEN it intersects with our radius of reality and suddenly becomes all real.  A smoker reads that smoking cause heart strokes BUT he DOESNT stop until he gets hit with a minor stroke [sadly].  Knowledge itself is NOT power until we can think that knowledge is as real in our life as it is on paper😌😌😌

Our takeaway:  No one amongst us can deny the fact that this 21st century has been as chaotic and overwhelming as we have all anticipated and adding to the fact that even this is going to end one day DOESN'T help much with the motivation to live.  However, just like anything, it can be a glass half full OR half empty. NOT to scare anyone of us BUT dude, to quote, our 'LIFE IS NOT A STOPWATCH.  IT IS A COUNTDOWN TIMER' BTW'.  Back to our dilemma, Sometimes, We Take Our Life For Granted [Only To Realize That We Got ONE LIFE]!!!

How Often Are You Late?

How Often Are You Late?

Supposedly, being LATE should never be a talking point, right?  How Often Are You Late?  Many psychologists do warn us to NEVER downplay and NEVER under-estimate that issue of being LATE because according to them, there are deep-rooted personality characteristics at play, making lateness a very difficult habit to break.  A blunt analogy is, telling a late person to be on time is like telling a dieter NOT to eat much📙📗📘

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By a stretch, if it were that easy, then we WON'T hear about 'weight watchers'.  NOW, to tackle the bull by its horn, if being LATE is an issue, let's ask ourselves, WHAT KIND OF LATE are you?  The first step towards laziness is self-awareness.  Sit down and go over your own patterns.  Are you LATE to everything OR just some things? HOW do you feel WHEN you're late?  WHAT causes one to run behind?  Frankly, IF you're always LATE by roughly the same amount of time, that could be a psychological hurdle, right???

On the other hand, if your LATENESS is quite erratic, like late by 10 minutes at one time and by 30 minutes another time, your problem will more likely be 'mechanical' more than anything else.  Then, the mountain slopes DON'T seem too steep to climb because likely, it's your time management skills that needs to work. Surprisingly, there are various types of person that could be struggling with being LATE😕😕😕

There's the DEADLINER, one WHO enjoys the rush at the last minute, one WHO thrives on urgency and often claims to work best WHEN under pressure.  Oh, really?  Then there's the PRODUCER who needs to get things done in as little time as possible, one WHO feels better about oneself WHEN he's checking things off a massive TO-DO list.  And these PRODUCERS tend to engage in 'magical thinking'.  Then, there's the absent-minded professor vulnerable to distraction as they often lose track of time, misplacing the car key and even missing appointments❌❌❌

Our takeaway:  Let's agree on this baseline, that is, people typically identify with more than one LATENESS personality.  So, WHAT is making you LATE?   Watch yourself carefully to identify WHAT is actually making you LATE.  BTW, texting that "I'LL BE 5 MINUTES LATE" DOESN'T absolve you OR buy you any extra time.  So, HOW OFTEN ARE YOU LATE???