Feeling Left Behind?

Feeling Left Behind?

YES YES YES, life is ultra uber competitive.  Even at our younger age, most of the time we would feel like we were running late in our own life.  And as the other side of the fence seems [always?  really?] greener, in our eyes, everyone else seems to be ON TIME for theirs OR maybe even ahead of schedule.  Sometimes, we would have wished that we lived in outer space.  WHY?  Maybe because in outer space, time DOESN'T matter like it does [matter] here on our mother Earth.  Thing is, peer pressure is too much even early in life.  You could have just graduated from high school and now feeling [in a novice's plight] the life of a university freshman.  OR probably you're a rookie at work whereas your friends and classmates you heard are now holding on to stable jobs, stable lives whereas here you are, still Feeling Left Behind???

Problem is, on this damn planet Earth, all we seem to care about is time.  HOW much we do have of it and how little we have left of it.  Our phones show us every time we look at them.  Alarms scream at us to remind us of it every morning. It seems our life sometimes feels like it's dictated by times and dates on calendars💧💧💧

Sadly, from an early age in our life, it feels like society ingrains in us the supposed 'timeline' of our life.  This supposed timeline that many of us unknowingly hold in our minds, it can make you feel like you've failed at your own life if you HAVEN'T reached the goals society expects that you should have reached at a certain age.  It can feel quite isolating [like you're behind everyone else your age].  It is also exhausting trying to live up to other people's ideas of WHAT you should be doing OR WHAT you should have already done in your life???

Just as they may have NO idea WHAT our life is like, we may have NO idea about their lives either.  Sometimes, it is hard to see that others HAVEN'T got everything worked out in life like we feel they do [especially since their social media tries to persuade us otherwise].  Indeed, it is quite hard to see past all the accomplishments and happy moments people share online, to actually see the person whose life is far from that 'SHINY PERFECTION' they are trying to show online.  Sadly, most people's lives AREN'T a 'walk in the park' like it may seem.  YES, some have had their good times and their bad times [just like you do].  It's just hard to see that sometimes💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  Just as people may have NO idea WHAT our life is like, we may have NO idea about their lives either.  Sometimes, it is hard to see that others HAVEN'T got everything worked out in life like we feel they do [especially since their social media tries to persuade us otherwise].  And it's hard to see past all the accomplishments and happy moments people share online, to actually see the person whose life is far from what is being projected.  Unfortunately, it is human nature to compare so I WON'T ask you to stop comparing yourselves to others BUT when you do OR if you do, take time to think about HOW your story and life might be different to theirs, think about everything you've had to overcome to get WHERE you are today.  Just because we may NOT have the opportunity OR be ready to fulfill our life goals right now DOESN'T mean it's NOT going to happen.  It just means that it may happen at a different time for you than others.  Thing is, we are all running exactly ON TIME for our OWN LIVES.  And frankly, NO ONE SHOULD FEEL LEFT BEHIND at all❗❗❗

SMALL Changes = BIG Impact

SMALL Changes = BIG Impact

We all want BIG BANG things.  We even want INSTANT things.  And as we get spoiled in life, if we had our way, NO way for small impact, NO thoughts for small changes.  BUT that's NOT the way life really works.  More often than not, even the best things in life come in drops and trickles.  And those BIG impacts and BIG BANG?  Yes, they do happen but once or twice in our life, if at all, if we're that fortunate.  YES, it's still feasible for SMALL Changes = BIG Impact📗📙📘

It's true, most of us, at some point in our life, we did ponder making CHANGES to improve some aspect of our life.  We might want to grow professionally OR improve our academic performance OR improve our health and immune system OR even improve our relationships.  We all desire to live in a meaningful way and modification of certain behaviors can help us realize this💢💢💢

YES, initially CHANGE might seem exciting and even easy WHEN we reflect on the potential benefits it will bring to our life.  However, WHEN it comes to 'walking the talk', sustainable behavior CHANGE is complex because it requires us to disrupt a current habit WHILE at the same time, fostering new and possibly unfamiliar ones.  This process takes time and usually takes longer than we would like.  Something as simple as drinking an extra glass of water a day can take anywhere from a few weeks to a few months to become a consistent and habitual behavior💦💦💦

Our most common mistake [and I'm one of those WHO went through these same mistakes over and over again in the past] is WHEN making CHANGES TOO MUCH TOO SOON.  We might think that if we make BIGGER CHANGES faster, we will see results sooner [BUT it can be undoubtedly exhausting], you might want to reconsider if it is the best time to launch into a new exercise routine OR begin training for a marathon.  Experts do advise us that making small, incremental improvements that take a few minutes per day is MORE effective and promotes more sustainable results than trying to make BIG changes all at once.  While these small changes may NOT always be noticeable, the impact they deliver over months and years can be significant enough💧💧💧

Our takeaway:  Let's start modestly enough by lurking for those LOW-HANGING FRUITS.  Start with one CHANGE that takes the least amount of effort and is enjoyable for you.  That will likely energize and motivate you to take more future CHANGES.  Consider this in tandem with a habit tracker, setting a goal for a tiny CHANGE you want to make and check it everyday you do it.  That helps measure your progress and identify hiccups if any.  Yesss, SMALL CHANGES equate to BIG IMPACT💥💥💥

Tough To Be HAPPY? Nope!

Tough To Be HAPPY?  Nope!

It's safe to say that most of us want to feel HAPPY in our lives.  I'd even peg a number to it, that 100% of the population want to be HAPPY.  WHO doesn't want anyway?  Yes, at times WHEN you feel you have a good life BUT are still UNHAPPY, you may then feel a sense of anxiety and concern.  Worse, you might feel that HAPPY life seems impossible.  So, the question is, is it Tough To Be HAPPY?  Nope📗📙📘

YES, many factors go into play with regard feeling HAPPY.  And the unique thing here is that different people feel HAPPY for different reasons.  So, WHAT really makes us HAPPY?  For alignment, let us do a lookup of the definition of being HAPPY from the perspective of psychologists WHO define it as generally a 'STATE OF POSITIVE WELL-BEING IN REACTION TO YOUR PERSONAL QUALITY OF LIFE'.  If there is a fact that we CAN'T get away from, it is the fact that feelings of HAPPINESS are temporary emotions that can be incited by small positive incidents in our lives in the present moment💧💧💧

Without scaring my readership, HAPPINESS as a general life attitude can be harder to achieve.  Many researches the past years suggests that our overall HAPPINESS with life may be strongly associated with our satisfaction with our quality of life.  Those WHO consider themselves to be content in their lives tend to be HAPPIER while those WHO are less content with their lives [WHETHER that is due to social disruption, financial worries OR other stressors, are less likely to be HAPPY overall💦💦💦

Psychologists also highlight that there is also evidences of a correlation between the amount of control we feel in our lives and HOW content we are.  For instance, if you believe WHAT happens to you is out of your control, you may be prone to feelings of UNHAPPINESS.  NOT to pre-empt you, if you are wondering WHY you AREN'T happy, you may want to look deeper into the elements of your life that can affect your HAPPINESS one way OR another.  There can be many barriers to HAPPINESS in our lives that we may NOT immediately recognize.  NOT feeling HAPPY often can be a sign that something else is going on.  Before you get mixed up, figure out WHAT causes your UNHAPPINESS❌❌❌

Our takeaway:  The company you keep matters most.  If you keep asking yourself 'HOW CAN I BE HAPPY', the answer may be because of the people in your life that you spend time with DON'T bring out the best moods in you.  Track HOW you're feeling after spending time with people.  TOUGH TO BE HAPPY?  Nope, NOT really😋😋😋

Choose Your Battles

Choose Your Battles

We've said a zillion times, life is NEVER a 'cakewalk', that life is a journey of brawls, confrontations, fights, scuffles, name it, life is that kind of a hodge-podge of everything that pertains to conflicts. So, WHERE do we end up with all these?  YES dude, Choose Your Battles.  Knowing WHICH battles to fight [and which to leave for another day OR even walk away from altogether] is critical to surviving life itself 

Early in life, more often than NOT, I was in a quandary, like, should I bury my head deep into the sand? OR should I arm myself and go out there up front?  Thing is, if you find yourself fighting one too many battles, on too many fronts, it is very likely that you will end up feeling drained of either emotional, mental and/or physical energy.  WHAT's more, your relationships [and if it's at work, your performance] will inevitably be impacted.  There's NO way out of those implications.  Once I felt I was in the middle of incessant crossfires [between my work colleagues then, with one faction lobbying more support for the project team while the internal stakeholders were taking a stand from a commercial perspective.  And there I was in the midst of things

Out of naiveness that time, I asked myself, should I see NOTHING, hear NOTHING and in the end, ignore anything?  BUT I asked myself that time, am I a NON-ENTITY?  Then I realized that I am NOT a NON-ENTITY. THAT I am a part of the equation.  THAT I am one of the relevant players.  THAT I was entitled to speak up and even opine.  Eventually, I realized [before it was too late] that I will NOT take the stance of ignorance.  Thinking that I had to fight a battle that actually belongs to someone else is a very easy mistake to make

WHAT's a recurring risk in our life is that sometimes, you can get involved in another person's battle WITHOUT even meaning to.  Alternatively, you might be the kind of person WHO likes to 'stick up for' your more timid friends or colleagues.  Ooooops, endeavor to resist falling into that TRAP [at all costs].  And if it's someone else's battle, then someone else needs to be fighting it [and NOT you].  Thing is, you have ENOUGH battles of your own to contest in life.  Even IF you felt you had that gumption and energy to take on another one, your arsenal is NOT a bottomless pit

Our takeaway:  Truth of the matter, assess the situation with a long-term perspective.  WHAT difference will winning one battle make in the long-term?  To answer that seemingly casual question, you need to step back and look at the BIG picture.  That might mean your relationship with your boss, the direction of your career OR if it is a family matter, WHAT happens to the family when all the rubles and dust settle down?  Really, you got to CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES, dude❗❗❗

Does GRAVITAS Matter?

Does GRAVITAS Matter?

Does GRAVITAS Matter?  Before we drill down on this, let's have an alignment.  Mr Webster defines it akin to weightiness, seriousness and/or importance.  It's like when in a scheduled meeting, everyone's neck is sticking for you to step in and once you sit at the head of the boardroom table, everything conjures images of CxO-level executives ready to hammer on his down-lines.  OR taking on the podium to deliver a lecture OR a speech📗📙📘

YES, been there, done that.  At many points in my career WHEN I was an entry-level upstart, i was enamored by the sleek attired, grey-haired executives WHO all they need to do is pop-out, show their presence even if they DON'T need to throw their weight💦💦💦

BUT after those years of learning the ropes, I did run the full-circle as this time around, I may not be that dapper and sleek attired and grey-haired executive BUT by stepping into the meeting room just thirty seconds before the meeting commences, you would realize that the environment suddenly turns from a casual one to something that was business-like [WHICH it really must be anyway].  So, if we look at the etymology of GRAVITAS, we could have a better alignment with history itself as we are told that GRAVITAS is a Roman word and in ancient Rome, GRAVITAS was one of the virtues of being a good Roman citizen.  WHAT's noteworthy is that while GRAVITAS did require dignity, seriousness, influence and weight, a good Roman citizen also needed to be kind, to work hard, to have that self-worth💥💥💥

And this is WHERE I think a seemingly boring word NOW seems interesting.  GRAVITAS requires that same balance of opposing forces.  In short, much as you can manifest and carry on with that weightiness and seriousness, you need to balance it out with your deftly smooth ability to lighten things up WHEN things become too stiff, too serious OR too stifled.  And looking back at the countless boardroom meetings I had the chance to be with, having that passion, humility and wit are intangibles that will be 'x' factors, if ever a situation ends in an impasse or a standoff of two forces that are immovable💧💧💧

Our takeaway:  Let's NOT peddle the GRAVITAS factor because there is no single recipe to earn it, to manifest it.  Ironically, it is a confluence of tons of intangibles alongside warmth, passion, compassion, approachability and likeability.  You DON'T want to be perceived as TOO DOWN or just deathly DULL and DRY.  Neither too UP you become so light as air, so fluffy.  In the end, WHO else will listen OR heed your words.  So, DOES GRAVITAS MATTER?  Not anymore dude💥💥💥

When Things Get DICEY

When Things Get DICEY

Have you had in the past, did you ever lost your cool and DIDN'T manage yourself very well?  YES, absolutely, to most of us, that could have happened.  WHEN we are angry OR stressed, we DON'T always react in the best possible way.   And that is quite unfortunate because many of those scenarios are NOT that too murky OR complicate to contain or manage a situation even if seems to be an outlier.  To really regret things, the outcomes and implications WHEN we lost control of our own self, our emotions, our anger, all these could be the confluence of events that could spiral into one hell of a hullaballoo WHEN in fact, if handled, there is nothing to Get DICEY📗📙📘

And before you know it, you feel you're on that dreaded edge, that precipice for a foul-up, if NOT a disaster-in-the making.  And to avert such a scenario, NOT to our liking BUT at times, that would prompt us to ROLL THE DICE, even if things are kind of iffy.  BUT rather us being reactive and get embroiled in ROLLING THE DICE, let us figure things out HOW to nip it in the bud, to avoid it in the first place💦💦💦

So, let's go with the practical approach.  First and foremost, it pays that you are incisively sharp to detect the signs and symptoms WHEN you start to get worked up.  Those tell-tale signs like your heart rate increases, your chest tightens?  Sounds familiar.  It is because I've BEEN THERE, DONE THAT.  Once you notice those tell-tale signs, psychologists coined this term 'NAME IT TO TAME IT' wherein you would label your emotions as they're happening as that has the effect of taming the stress and anxiety in the brain and the body that the emotion is triggering.  Now, let's pull up things from our life experiences.  If you are able to take some deep breaths, step away and avoid reacting until you are in a better mindset, you'll surely be better off that way💧💧💧

Once you managed to have a fair control of the situation, assess as to WHAT you want to do OR say because you are angry OR stressed.  Maybe you feel like saying something mean OR snarky.  OR maybe YOU want to send a scathing email.  Rethink the underlying reasons WHY you want to do OR say [WHAT you want to do or say].  At that point, look at the potential ramifications, implications and consequences if you proceed to ROLL THE DICE and do WHAT you want.  Will taking that path offer you the much better direction?  If you go OFF on your co-worker, WHAT will happen?  To quote this one-liner, IF YOU WANT TO GATHER HONEY, DON'T KICK OVER THE BEEHIVE.   Think along these lines repeatedly before you decide to ROLL THE DICE, if at all. Alternatively, WHAT IF YOU DON'T?  WOULD your situation be worse than the status quo??? 

Our takeaway:  At the end of the day, ask yourself.  WHAT is it really you want to happen out of that situation?  Typically, you will find the answer once you closely examine and even estimate your initial response.  By then, you could even get a cue that you need to evolve things in such a way that doing things differently could either avoid a precarious outcome OR better still, if it will even lead you towards an improved situation thereafter.  Add a few intangibles like mindfulness as it could likely help increase your coping skills when getting embroiled in those situations.  Indeed, WHEN THINGS GET DICEY💥💥💥

How's Your Puttering Time?

How's Your Puttering Time?

For alignment, Mr Google defines puttering as that period of time doing small tasks OR other things in a relaxed manner that are NOT essentially important.  BUT ask Elon Musk how does he start his day?  Oh Oh, you'll be surprised [if NOT shocked] to hear that Elon Musk works 80-100 hours per week.  And he often skips breakfast, whew!@#$%? He claims he DOESN'T have enough time in the morning despite being an early riser.  Let's swing over to his counterpart top billionaire Jeff Bezos WHO still wakes up early and then he spends his time till almost 10am PUTTERING around the house.  So WHAT does he do?  He wakes up, reads the newspaper, brews coffee, and if his kids woke up, he'd make breakfast for them.  So,  How's Your Puttering Time?

Jeff Bezos claims that his PUTTERING TIME is that important to him alongside catching at least eight hours of sleep at night before he buckles down to work, to attend his first meeting only at 10am.  And HOW did he maintained the quality of his PUTTERING TIME at the start of his day?  NO PHONES on the first hour of the day. And he explains he has banned that screen time even for himself for the first hour after waking up because he claims, we're too wired throughout the day, there are things in life [especially family time] that deserves that undisrupted attention and quality

And Bezos explains that his slow-burn, phone-free mornings do lead him to enjoy life much more, and with quality at that.  WHAT else can his family want?  Indeed, there have been countless books and studies exploring the benefits that can be wrought by slowing down and learning to take more [QUALITY] time for yourself.  And it's NO secret that doing stuff that makes you feel happy and more relaxed could have a knock-on effect on your performance for the next hours of your day

More than anything else, that means a mindset change rather than rushing to sit down for a quick to-go breakfast and get to work at 730am OR 8am.  In my years while residing in Singapore, as they say, DO AS THE ROMANS DO.  Seeing Singaporeans work and grind, rushing up early morning till evening, I [wrongly] thought that that was the way to go.  BUT way before I came across these sharings from Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos, I told myself that every individual works and lives his life differently so it DIDN'T make sense for me to replicate every Tom, Dick, and Harry into my life

My takeaway:  Looking back, I am thankful I took that path WHERE I definitely thought I was living a more organized daily life, WHERE I had to think and properly plan my day.  I also felt more relaxed and generally less distracted during the work day because I was able to deal with any pressing matter early on.  Of course, that DOESN'T guarantee that I'll be more productive and DOESN'T remove the pressing deadlines that come up at work BUT again, with a clear mind, I had my own 'bragging rights' that I started off my days with my PUTTERING TIME spent even on the petty tasks that gave me a more balanced daily life.  So, HOW'S YOUR PUTTERING TIME???

Nope, You CAN'T Be Nice To Everyone!

Nope, You CAN'T Be Nice To Everyone!

From our childhood into adulthood, we were taught and exposed to be NICE TO EVERYONE, which just makes sense.  No question about that BUT here's the BIG BUT.  You DON'T need to mentally and/or physically exhaust yourself to be NICE TO EVERYONE.  Nope, You CAN'T Be Nice To Everyone!  BUT please DON'T get me wrong.  We are NOT egging you to roam around being rude intentionally.  Instead, in life, it's all about setting the demarcation lines, the boundaries📗📙📘

The problem with one of the very first rules we learned in life, that of BEING NICE, is its over-generalization because there are certain times WHEN you DON'T have to be NICE and indeed SHOULDN'T.  This explains WHY it is imperative to give ourselves permission to 'BREAK THE RULE' when necessary.  Problem is, challenging the imperative to be NICE is a 'feminist' act because 'NICENESS' is so frequently gendered.  The old school taught us that girls are supposed to be made of 'sugar, spice and everything'.  This means the girls are expected to smile all the time , help others without expecting anything in return and avoid making people angry💦💦💦

Hey, since those AREN'T really the qualities of a leader, being too nice can hold us back in our careers.  Of course, KINDNESS is generally a good thing and we SHOULDN'T discourage it WHEN it's NOT harming anyone just because the majority DON'T manifest it.  BUT there are situations WHEN it could have negative effects, like we SHOULDN'T feel pressured to be NICE to others if that means sacrificing our own well-being💥💥💥

In fact, it's always OK to say NO to requests if and WHEN accommodating such request[s] may even strain you OR put someone else's wants above your own comfort level.  And sometimes, you do miss out an opportunity if you wait for everyone to have a fair shot.  It's OK to be competitive if that's WHAT it takes to get a promotion, a seat on the train, or something else that's in limited supply.  BTW, being NICE is different from being KIND and KINDNESS can require telling people things they DON'T want to hear in order to help them.  Oh YES, it's always OK to use WHATEVER means necessary to defend yourself or get yourself out of a dangerous OR risky situation💦💦💦

Our takeaway:  Fact of the matter here is that we humans have a limited capacity to be NICE to everyone.  After some time, the energy wanes and derails, till we get exhausted.  Have you heard of narratives where the older sibling kept financially supporting a younger sibling WHO was like a 'parasite' to him.  Until one day, the older sibling realizes that 'ENOUGH IS ENOUGH'.  Hey, we DON'T want to be unconditionally NICE to everyone at all times!@#$%?

When It's ALL FOR THE MARBLES!

When It's ALL FOR THE MARBLES!

Few years back, I got enamored with a literary piece which ran as follows:  LIFE IS LIKE A JAR OF MARBLES.  YOU ALWAYS KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GONNA GET.  This is stating the obvious but dissecting it further, I told myself, one day, this will be my thread.  When It's ALL FOR THE MARBLES!  For so many reasons NOT so obvious, fact is, it's sheer common sense that regardless the fullness of that jar of marbles, as you dip, the level goes down📗📙📘

Now, let's NOT even entertain thoughts of calculating the number of marbles in a jar by dividing random guesses from a fixed number of people equals some kind of truth in most cases.  It's like chaos and order merging into the median of answers.  To tackle things more philosophically, let's envision reality as a jar of marbles, where each marble represents a hypothesis.  And let's assume that each of these hypotheses include all the crazy, outside-of-the-box ideas put forth by everyone from scientists to tin foil hats💦💦💦

YES, life is akin to that jar of marbles.  You always know WHAT you're gonna get.  The truth may be less dramatic, lacking edge and blame, BUT it's often the closest we'll come to reality.  Personally, I really DON'T take sides WHEN it comes to theories vis-a-vis conclusions.  Till to date, everything I have either read, heard and witnesses coalesces into a somewhat unremarkable, middle-of-the-road answer, incorporating a bit of this and a bit of that, from the extremes though💢💢💢

Frankly, I did approach my own life and my career in the same manner.  I would rely on my collected knowledge, wisdom and experience, running them through the calculator in my mind.  YES, quite often, the results would align with my forecasted results.  Many times over and over again, I can anticipate WHAT will fail, and WHAT will succeed, WHICH may make me somewhat predictable [and boring].  YES, occasionally I did take a chance and the outcome may OR may NOT align with my expectations.  Regardless, I added it to my reservoir of lessons learned💧💧💧

Our takeaway:  UNLESS warranted out of exigency, NEVER take the middle-of-the-road because WHILE it may NOT dump you by the wayside, it is far-fetched that you'll end up in the totem pole either,  Take every opportunity, every chance as the last gasp of things.  Instilling this mindset will put us at least a foot forward towards achieving WHAT you want to.  YES, WHEN IT'S ALL FOR THE MARBLES💥💥💥

[More Than Ever] LISTEN TO YOURSELF!

[More Than Ever] LISTEN TO YOURSELF!

WHY is it we spend donkey years of our life thinking that we are ON TRACK and YES, on paper, everything seems to be that picture perfect, well and neatly laid out execution of our plans.  NOT UNTIL one day you pull the brakes and realize that actually are NOT happy with the way things are running.  So, WHAT WENT WRONG, seriously?  Oh YES, there is a good chance that you NEVER learned HOW to listen to yourself [BUT unfortunately, you have mistaken that chatter in your head for the REAL YOU].  So, the mind-boggling question is:  HOW do we tell WHAT thoughts are the REAL YOU and WHAT thoughts are just WHAT you've been taught to think?  [More Than Ever] LISTEN TO YOURSELF📗📙📘

I'll admit that in the past, we NEVER thought that HOW to listen to oneself should be our talking point, NOT until we fall into that trap WHERE we seem to be neither here NOR there.  Rather than reinvent things, I perused recent researches by experts and they are one in declaring affirmatively that we should learn about VALUES and WHAT yours are.  YES, your VALUES are WHAT deeply matter to you. And if you DON'T know your true VALUES and are living out ones that AREN'T really a fit, you might constantly feel restless and even discontented.  This is NOT to paint a scary scenario💥💥💥

To identify your VALUES, look at your life and WHAT choices bring you undeniable joy and excitement.  And IF you think your VALUE in money, then WHY is it you hate your job as a financial planner BUT you love volunteering work instead?  So, is it possible your true VALUE is giving?  And if you AREN'T sure if a VALUE you think is yours, can we try to imagine a life spent living ONLY that VALUE.  And if you think your VALUE in power, imagine a life WHERE all you have to do is give commands by yourself everyday💦💦💦

Assuming you are NOT sure if a VALUE you think is yours is [really] truly yours, consider to dig out your core beliefs.  As your core beliefs are your viewpoints you have about life, psychologists opine that oftentimes, these beliefs stem from childhood and are passed on to you by your family.  They then would sound like things such as 'the world is a dangerous place' OR 'you CAN'T trust anyone'.  OR 'money is the root of all evil'.  These core beliefs will, however, run through unconscious and inform all of your decisions❗❗❗

Our takeaway:  Critics are all the place but you got to recognize your inner critic more than anything else.  Do watch out for a voice in your head that sounds like a parent telling you WHAT to do in a way that makes you feel resigned OR put down.  True, it's rarely your true self BUT instead, be your inner critic. Yes, it might sound off like it's your father OR mother being hard on you when growing up.  Bottom line, let us NOT miss that opportunity for us to 'police' our own selves because you are the best critic you deserve😁😁😁