Fit Like a Glove

Fit Like a Glove

Like it or not, in life we gotta 'Fit Like a Glove'.  And this is non-negotiable.  Whether you're talking of growing-up kids, students, workers, entrepreneurs or even partners in life, if you ain't 'Fit Like a Glove', anytime now someone might yell at you 'GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN', whew.

When you transferred to a new school and you hear your teachers telling you that YOU 'Fit Like a Glove', that says a lot.  When you move house into a new community and you hear your new neighbors declare that YOU 'Fit Like a Glove'. that's no less a compliment.  When you migrate to a new country and everyone tells you that YOU 'Fit Like a Glove', it reaffirms that YOU have successfully hurdled the transition in your life well enough.  When you change jobs and you hear them declare that YOU 'Fit Like a Glove', it says you're 'OVER THE [first] HUMP'.  When you commit yourself to your long-term/lifetime partner and you hear your family and friends declare that each of YOU 'Fit Like a Glove', you're in it for it.

Have we heard of someone transferring to a new school and facing difficulties adjusting into the new environ ?  Have we heard a worker moving to a new job and seemingly 'climbing a steep' slope because of the culture and environ in that new company ?  Have we heard of an entrepreneur struggling with his startup business because it is his very first time to get into that foray ?  How about relationships ?  How many have we heard of failed relationships because either of the two partners just can't 'FIT LIKE A GLOVE' in that relationship ?

And let's not claim that there is a dearth of gloves out there because there is NO ONE SIZE THAT FITS ALL.  You got choices, a lot of them.  Before you transfer to a new school, before you move-in to a new community, before you migrate to another country, before you move to your next job, before you embark on a new business and before you commit [AGAIN] to [ANOTHER] relationship, let us admit that we have ONE TOO MANY CHOICES.

Don't we dream of HAPPY ENDINGS ?  Being in the best school possible, bagging the best job role ever, migrating to a country that was #1 on your life, getting into a long-term/lifetime relationship that should last till your last breath, it means you did everything you can for you to 'FIT LIKE A GLOVE' but to get into that, you need to go through the wringer, with tons of SACRIFICES, painstaking ADJUSTMENTs, stretched ADAPTABILITY and reasonable ACCEPTANCE of whatever circumstances you are in.  Remember, YOU ARE WHERE YOU ARE NOW because of your actions [OR inaction, because of your planning [OR mis-planning].  Worth thinking about folks✅✅✅

Are You in the 'MIX OF THINGS'

Are You in the 'MIX OF THINGS'

There's this very old one-liner which says 'MANY ARE CALLED BUT FEW ARE CHOSEN'.  But hey, that's from the old-old school of thought.  In our recent generations [whether you're tracing yourself all the way back to the Baby Boomers, Gen X. Millennials and Gen Z], the truth of the matter is that no one is called upon anymore.  But instead, for you to be in the 'MIX of THINGS', you got to worm your way till you're IN then wiggle it out till you're OUT.  Now, the mother of all questions that seem perplexing is WHY do we need to be in the 'MIX of THINGS' ?  Simple folks. You got to be within the visibility distance, within striking distance for you to be in the 'MIX of THINGS'.

Why do we need to be in the 'MIX of THINGS' ?  Simple.  We need every opportunity along our way.  Imagine a landscape with nary any opportunity, what will be left of you.  Nothing. Nada.  Zilch.  But the intriguing piece here is the question why some of us tend to have this and that opportunity Day-IN Day-OUT whereas some of us keep scouring the ground for one ?

Regardless whether you are a student, a worker, an entrepreneur or someone in a relationship, how can you be in the 'MIX of THINGS' ?  As a student in the academe. SHOW YOUR WARES.  At work, FLAUNT YOUR WARES.  In business, SPLASH YOUR WARES.  In a relationship, you got to GIVE IT ALL.

Oh, how did that goldfish eke itself out of the bowl just to be in the 'MIX of THINGS' ?  It's all time that matters.  If you let time go past you, there's no way you can recoup for LOST TIME because that opportunity that slipped is simply put, OPPORTUNITY LOST.

In school, for your professors to put you up in the pedestal for honors, long way back, you should have asserted yourself for you to be in the 'MIX of THINGS'.  At work, you don't show your flair when a new job role arises.  You got to invest in TIME + EFFORTS long way before an opportunity arises for you to be in those 'MIX of THINGS'.  In a relationship, for you to keep things burning with your partner, you just gotta spoil your partner for you to be in the 'MIX of THINGS'.  Let's not be a cellar dweller, dude❗❗❗

Avoid Making Flippant Changes

Avoid Making Flippant Changes

Of all things in life, the #1 non-debatable thread is CHANGE because like it or now, it happens but what is worth dissecting is to figure it out, what's the percentage of CHANGE that's being triggered by us, by you compared to the rest of CHANGES that are triggered either beyond your control or simply because it's force majeure.

Oh, who or what is the favorite whipping boy of CHANGES ?  It's always PLANS PLANS and PLANS, right ?  And its as well guaranteed that CHANGE will happen even the best laid out plans.  And here comes the devil advocate who'll argue then that we would be better off if there are no PLANS in place because what that means, there will be no CHANGES [with no PLANS].

Where's the beef ?  The least we can do is to cause the least changes which can will be triggered by us, by our own selves,  If at all, it's fine and dandy if we trigger changes as long as it will lead to positive outcomes and results [and not for things to go down south.  What changes are most impactful to us ?  It's those FLIPPANT CHANGES, those spur-of-the-moments.

The least we can do is to be able to cope up well with changes.  ACKNOWLEDGING that changes are happening is the least we can do.  But hold your breath, we need to realize that even a good change can sometimes cause STRESS.  But when CHANGES come, keep up with your regular schedule as much as possible.  Seeking SUPPORT for impactful CHANGES is a must-do for you to cope up well enough.

One word that resonates a million times with regard CHANGES is RESILIENCY.  If you are RESILIENT with CHANGES, there is a good chance that you may bounce back and adapt with relative ease.  But if you end up struggling with CHANGES, at the very least, AVOID MAKING FLIPPANT CHANGES ❗❗❗

That Chink in Your Armor

That Chink in Your Armor

Oh, this is a no-brainer.  We all know all our strengths like the palm of our hands.  We even beat our chest and blow the horns for that.  And that's perfectly fine because by nature, we humans are damn proud of our strengths, our pluses, our arsenal which we tap and flaunt as often as we want to not just because of our pride but simply put, it's fair and reasonable for us to leverage on our best cards which we play up especially when there is a need to trump in the interplays of life.

Oh, when do we stumble and sometimes fall flat on our faces ?  It's not because of our strengths, right ? Instead, it is because of those 'CHINKS in our ARMOR' which is exactly analogous to a chain.  Despite the seeming sturdiness of a chain, it does have it's weak links and amongst those weak links, there's definitely that 'weakest link' somewhere along that end-to-end stretch of the chain.  But it is indeed perplexing why, despite the plethora of strengths we have in life, we still have those slip-ups, those moments when we do fall flat on our face.  And let's not baselessly claim that we do not have enough strengths, which explains those stumbling acts we cause.  Lest it be overlooked, studies show that 99% of our failures are triggered by those 'WEAKEST LINKS' in our life.

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Our real problem, though, is the harsh truth that there is so much validity in focusing on our strengths.  They are basically the value we bring to both our personal and business relationships.  Focus on then, instead.  However, ignoring our weaknesses [especially when followed blindly and without context] can be downright dangerous to our own potential success.  So, why don't we drill down on our weaknesses which, social scientists advise, can be grouped into three main categories namely, THOSE THAT TRULY MATTER [example - I'm not good in marathons and since I don't have plans to be in a marathon, I'll ignore that one. Then, there's THOSE THAT MATTER AND NEED TO BE MITIGATED [like - I have a weakness for junk food and have to be aware, constantly monitoring myself].

Lastly, there are THOSE THAT MATTER AND NEED TO BE TURNED INTO A STRENGTH.  A real-life example will be a busy-body a.k.a. gossiper.  If I recognize that as my weakness, I'll work on until, not only did I overcome it, but am well-known for very rarely saying anything negative about anyone.  And let's agree that if we don't overcome that weakness, our level of influence and success in many areas of life would be much less than it is now.  

Oh, most of us would love to be told that they no longer have to focus on something they dislike and are not good anyway.  But here's the thing:  unless we can be guaranteed that our weaknesses will never haunt us in the future, we might want to FOCUS on them.  Certainly, we want to cast off those CHINKS in our ARMOR❗❗❗

Spend Time With Someone & You'll Read Them Well

Spend Time With Someone & You'll Read Them Well

Lots of things in life are superficial and very much on the periphery.  Lots of things are literally visually visible but that's all there is to it.  For you to know a person profoundly, it could even take a long time, if not a lifetime.  The recurring problem is, often times [especially early in life], we thought we have know the person enough for us to reach an informed decision.

Oh, time is fleeting.  It is the one resource which in no way we can ever recover.  Sadly, most of us only realize this once it is too late.  The life that we would have taken for granted is coming to a close [before you know it] and immediately, most of us would then wish [of late] that they had learned a few key lessons much earlier on in life.  And when we meet people in school, at work, in business or in our various endeavors in life, we tend to fall prey on that notion that you've known a person INSIDE-OUT just because you were office colleagues who would take coffee breaks at the same time, including lunches.

That's NEVER the case, though.  In truth and in fact, few couples will disagree with me if I vociferously attest that you would get to know that person INSIDE-OUT with no slip-up once you share the same roof everyday onwards.  People get to know each other, then they go on dating till it becomes an exclusive one till they get engaged.  Alas, at that point in time, they thought they knew well each other LIKE THE PALM OF THEIR HANDS.  No Senor.

And then, here's social media creeping in as the spoiler.  With SocMed lording it all over our lives, with endless private messages, with incessant tweets, with all the adulations we give and/or receive via all the LIKES, emojis, re-TWEETS and even endless capture of memorable moments via IG, we all end up misguided, thinking [WRONGLY] that we know well our partner that much.

When do problems start to creep in our lives ?  It's when we realize there is a gap that's shaping between EXPECTATIONS versus REALITY.  At work, we expected the applicant to be a too good to be true and finally, he comes out as a lemon.  In relationships, we end up with a bum choice.  In business, we end up with premature decisions causing us to bungle on opportunities.  LESSON: Get to know deeply before you take that LEAP of FAITH❗❗❗

Reap What You Sow

Reap What You Sow

This is not an agricultural piece.  But instead, this is all about our lives, everything we plant and sow which we eventually reap and harvest. Admittedly, this is a bit biblical because as per the bible, it is something that humanity can relate to.  The practice of working the ground to gain a harvest is nearly as old as humanity itself.  Part of Adam's curse was that the ground would bring forth thorns and thistles.  While there is the real spiritual principle at work that, if we sow bad things, we will reap bad things.  In real life, it's been this way, we always REAP WHAT WE SOW.

This 'REAP WHAT YOU SOW' holds true both positively and negatively.  That verse summarizes the principle well.  When we are selfish, proud, unjust, sinful and trusting in our own ability or worth to save us, we are 'sowing the flesh' and destruction awaits.  When we are selfless, generous, kind and depending on the provision that indeed we are 'sowing' and will reap eternal life.  The thing is, the type of seed you sow determines the type of harvest you'll reap.  

Even when things may appear to be going poorly and it doesn't look like you'll ever reap a good harvest, the principle of sowing and reaping remains true.  If you sow for yourself righteousness, then you will reap the fruit of unfailing love.  You may have to wait a bit to reap that harvest.  In fact, you may need to wait a longer time for a harvest.  So, in life, there is just no timeline but that does not deprive us to plant and sow 

We heard this often times: "DON'T JUDGE EACH DAY BY THE HARVEST YOU REAP BUT BY THE SEEDS THAT YOU PLANT".  Going through all these, patience comes into the picture again.  If we have worked with kids or plants, we know that PATIENCE is a vital part of getting anything done.  We just can't hurry the growth of the plants.  The most we can do is to nurture the plants, provide them with what they need.  Swinging back into our lives, let's revisit the formative years when we are about to set the foundation of our lives.

Applying patience in our life has always been a virtue.  But like any virtue, we can either have too much or too little of it.  Too little may be quite rash, too much is sloth.  As patience is always a long-term approach, there are one too many things to do.  There is always pruning, teaching, a thousand minor adjustments going on as you work towards harvest.  How do we stay patient then ?  We should do it by imagining where the seeds we plant will take them.  Whether it's nurturing a child or sending a colleague to a training, think of what that seed will do for them.  ENJOY PLANTING and KEEP YOUR PATIENCE✅✅✅

What Takes the Wind Out of Your Sails

What Takes the Wind Out of Your Sails

Allow me to take a leaf from this striking quote from recognized American author Robert Brault saying: "WHEN LIFE TAKES THE WIND OUT OF YOUR SAILS, IT IS TO TEST YOU AT THE OARS".  To translate this tricky query, when we go through the seaman's lingo, through the sail, it is the wind that will become the catalyst for the boat to move out in the waters.  In life, we need the wind as a catalyst to push our boat forward out in the high seas.

As each of us thrive on being successful, in doing so, we often forget the difficulties lying in the path to success.  We set targets and want to achieve them right away, but we tend to forget that we are JUST HUMANS and may fall short on those goals.  Failure at the start can lead us on to FRUSTRATION and easily, that shatters our self-confidence we would have had at the beginning.  In the end, we might even consider giving up on our dreams because we don't feel like we can ever succeed in life.  Despite the popular belief about success, it isn't a ONE-WAY path or a straight line.  Instead, it is a muddled road with various ups and downs and you we would navigate it with popular care.  We might even fall or get lost in the way but we keep going, eventually we'll get to it.

All these boil down to PERSEVERANCE, that steadfastness in doing something despite the difficulty in achieving success.  PERSEVERANCE is an essential element when we need to achieve a high level of success.  It is a great tool to use and it DOESN'T require any college education or even training. It just comes naturally and all it requires is our strong will. It doesn't matter what our goal is.  The chances of success depends largely on our willingness to PERSIST & PERSEVERE.

Why do we need PERSEVERANCE after all ?  We need it to reach our goals.  We need it to carry us through failures and adversities.  We need it to push us towards reaching our goals.  We need it to encourage our adaptability.  That adaptability benefits every area in our life, making us more resilient.  BTW, PERSEVERANCE is a 'learnable skill'.  It is not something that is innate.  Looking back at all the successful people, they all have a common denominator and that's being PERSEVERANT.  So, let's keep going and ensure we DON'T TAKE THE WIND OUT OF OUR SAILS✅✅✅

It Comes With The Territory

It Comes With The Territory

Our lifetime is not filled with our own choices.  Many times, we're in a situation of our own choice and many times as well, it's not to our liking our choices.  And the mother of all ironies, in those moments we chose to be in, there are 'GIVENS' that 'COMES WITH THE TERRITORY'.  And those 'GIVENS' are non-negotiable at all.  And if you can't accept those 'GIVENS', the only option left for you is to step out of that 'TERRITORY'

If in school, you're now at the 'top of the class', if at work, you're touted groomed for a senior leadership role in the future, if in business, you have etched your mark wherein your restaurant cuisine is top-notch, what happens next is that you, as a student, as a worker, as a businessman, will have to endeavor to meet the high expectations set forth.  If you wooed your fiancee impressively and she's now your wife, you got to stand out to everything you verbalized and committed to her.

You don't muscle your way into a situation and yet you refuse to abide by the set of norms and expectations that came ahead of it.  When we travel, we got to follow all the rules of the airlines for the duration of our flight.  Finally, when we get billeted in a hotel, once you step into your hotel room, the first poster staring at your face will be the HOUSE RULES you got to comply with and if you can't commit to it, you got to eke yourself out of it.  All these COMES WITH THE TERRITORY.  Such is life, BTW.

And here's the rub BTW.  We are not cascading the message that you should MEET expectations because you need to EXCEED expectations.  If you end up with a 'MEETS' results, you are just in the middle of the pack, you are just another one within the crowd.  When and where you 'EXCEED', that will propel you to unprecedented heights even as you continue to scale up the steep road towards success.  Let's get back into our relationship with our loved ones.  Do we think our partner/spouse will be super-duper happy when you 'MEETS' expectations ?  No sirrrrs, you got to 'EXCEED'.

And here's the bombshell.  Life itself 'DOES NOT MEET EXPECTATIONS'.  Either you fail or you succeed.  Either you FLY or you FLOP.  Nothing is cut-out along the median, within the averages.  Do we remember our milestone successes to date ?  Do you agree that you EXCEED EXPECTATIONS in all those counts ?  And as you continue to step up in life, you will get embroiled with harder issues up front, more frustrating challenges ahead of you, all because as you progress in life, it all COMES WITH THE TERRITORY.  Like it or not, this is a happy problem for us all to embrace.  Do you agree, dude ❓❓❓

That 'EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE'

That 'EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE'

So sorry for the mix-up.  Just because travel restrictions have been lifted in most locations, this piece is NOT the final call for boarding your flight.  Instead, we'd like to discuss a bit more about our EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE, which everyone either has or has had in the past.  Regardless of your standing now in society and regardless of culture and religion, no one is immune from that EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE which we end up carrying on, not because we wanted to but moreso because that is the consequence arising from the outcome of a situation.  If anyone claims that he has zero EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE even in the past, that's baloney to say the least.  Not likely in our growing up years and even as a child, emotions didn't seem to have a place and a space to tuck it in.  Not until we get into our tumultuous adulthood, whew.

Therapists would always insist that we are all carrying backpacks that we continually load up. We keep stuffing them full until one day, we can't zip and the stuff starts spilling out all over the place.  Which reminds me of that George Clooney movie 'UP in the AIR' way back 2009 wherein I'd like to quote these top-heavy thoughts: "HOW MUCH DOES YOUR LIFE WEIGH ? ...NOW, FILL IT WITH PEOPLE, START WITH ACQUAINTANCES, FRIENDS OF FRIENDS, FOLKS AROUND.  GET THEM INTO THAT BACKPACK.  FEEL THE WEIGHT OF THAT BAG.   

Now, let's accept this reality:  our relationships are the HEAVIEST COMPONENTS in our life.  Do you feel the straps cutting into your shoulder ?  All those arguments and negotiations, secrets and compromises,  we don't need to carry it all, right? So, what really is this proverbial backpack and how can we prevent it from filling up to the point where we feel like we can't carry all of our stuff ?  To get to the bottom of it [pun intended], medical health experts have studied what weighs us down and how emotional weight is holding us back and what can we do to begin emptying out the junk. 

But before we get bogged down, can we break up all these baggage.  MENTAL BAGGAGE - that's our tendency to think negatively about past or current issues that have not been resolved.  There is a tension in the body that shows up in our shoulders and neck whereas EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE does feel like you are wearing or carrying a bag filled with emotions.

What then is our common problem ?  While carrying past experiences [including the emotions that came with them] may help us better navigate future experiences.  In fact, studies show that emotional baggage can be a real barrier to making healthy lifestyle changes [like exercising more, eating healthier or quitting smoking].  Respondents confirmed that emotional baggage was an important explanation why they were stuck in OLD HABITS added load to their already emotional baggage and made it heavier.  How can we fix this ?  UNLOAD YOUR BACPACK and if you suspect that unresolved emotions are weighing you down, you've already taken the first step in lightening up your load ❗❗❗

Flow Like a Water

Flow Like a Water

Have we seen yet water getting stuck in its flow ?  Never, right ?  Instead, water will always figure it out and find a way to worm its way in its flow regardless of the obstacle it hits along the way.  And to think we're just talking about water as a natural resource.  It's not even human-like.  Yet, the way it flows seems more super-human than us.  Can we Flow Like a Water in life?

Lao Tzu, the great Chinese Philosopher is best quoted by this poster.  What it says is a mouthful because despite its SOFTNESS, it overcomes even the monstrous and HARDEST obstacles ever, be it mountains or rocks.  We may start off a debate here and argue that we humans are not natural resources, and BTW, that is non-debatable.  That is a given.  But the truth of the matter is, the way our life flows, do we flow like the water day-in day-out ?  Me thinks, this is our gaping hole in life.

How can we translate these hollowed words with concreteness and crystal clear enough ?  Let's start with our THINKING.  Many of us [and that includes me before] OVER-think, OVER-contemplate and OVER-ANALYZE.  Yesirrrrrs, I can attest to all these 'OVER-OVERs' in a first-person account because I've witnessed how people can get so STUCK in the MUD, over-analyzing over and over again.

In two curt words, I've witnessed people in 'ANALYSIS-PARALYSIS'.  More than just being pitiful and somehow distressing, I find it appalling how some of us can end up miserable and so pathetic because of the sheer paralysis one self-inflicts upon himself, resulting NOT JUST to INACTION but sheer stagnation.  Imagine you needed to extract yourself from a foxhole?

It's as simple as overcoming that dilemma of ANALYSIS-PARALYSIS which is nothing but that inability to make a decision due to over-thinking a problem or a key decision-point.  What compounds our dilemma is that too much information, too much data drags us into that pit.  What makes us so thinly vulnerable to this dilemma is because it is that easy to get bogged down in an analysis of many options UNTIL IT BECOMES IMPOSSIBLE to decide.

How do we overcome all these ?  First off, let's agree that it's completely normal and logical that before we get to make a decision, we would take time to consider all options.  But what if when weighing your options, you can't get the scales to balance ?  Instead, you spend so much time thinking through choices you could make and end up not coming to any decision at all.

So can we not get into this 'analysis paralysis'?  #1-RECOGNIZE that you are having that ANALYSIS-PARALYSIS.  Only by recognizing will lead you towards fixing it.  #2-EXPLORE your own triggers causing you to OVERTHINK.  #3-Decide SWIFTLY on minor decisions.  I've witnessed people whose cognitive thinking goes on a full throttle before deciding whether to take his coffee or not. #4-DON'T ever let decisions 'consume you alive'.  #5-Improve your SELF-CONFIDENCE.  #6-TRUST your instincts and lastly, #6-PRACTICE ACCEPTANCE.  Remember, you do NOT live in a perfect world.  Let's all wake up all these realizations❗❗❗