There's Meat in the Bone, there's some fuel left [even in an empty tank]

There's Meat in the Bone, there's some fuel left [even in an empty tank]

What does the future hold for us if we keep buying in to that myth that there's no meat left on those bones, no fuel left in that empty tank? Hmmmp, if we continue to cling to that belief, i'm afraid, we'll end up expiring before we're really expired or bluntly, we might end up 'dying' even before we're really dead. Thousands and thousands of failed stories ended up that way 'coz we EASILY GAVE UP!

At work, there could be tell-tale signs that you're 'south-bound'.  Pictures tell us a thousand words and this frustrating pic tells it all.  There are indicators which could be manifesting all over our workplace and as a first step, it's up for us to recognize and acknowledge it.  Beyond that, you've gotta 'face the mirror' so to speak and DON'T the other way around in a cowardice act because that's self-defeating.  Face things head-on, there's no other way to run next.

Working remotely the past year during this pandemic is tormenting, to say the least, if you're desolate and all by yourself in your work-home environment.  That will be tough but c'mon, that thing is 'fixable'.  It's not something to cause you to raise the white flag without squeezing yourself high and dry as long as you believe that THERE'S MEAT ON THE BONES, FUEL IN THAT EMPTY TANK.

Been there, done that.  Yesireeee, I can attest, i've been through those moments in the past when I thought an empty tank means zero-fuel, when I [wrongly] thought bones are just bare bones.  But I was proven wrrrrrrong through all those times.  David Donaldson shares his insights 

@ https://www.smartcompany.com.au/business-advice/burnout-in-the-workplace-when-theres-nothing-left-in-the-tank/ and DON'T miss out his thoughts on those 6 biggest factors behind burnout. But we'll be better off if we can be more predictive than reactive.  A lot of [emotional and psychological] losses will be averted if we're quite privy with those tell-tale signs.  Just a random sample here:  Have you become cynical or critical at work ?  Do you feel lethargic even at start of day ?  Is your patience running out, whether with your colleagues or worst, with your clients ?  Time to shape up, dude.

If the best 'shot in the arm' is a CPR-like action, so be it, go for it, you need to rev up your life.  Take it from Kristine Aletha, her story shared @ https://www.kristinegalli.com/post/10-ways-revive-your-life is a very real-life eye-opener even on the surface.  To understand Kristine's predicament: 'In 2018, I came to a tipping point.  Something wasn't right.  I was burned out, frazzled, depleted and deeply unhappy.  On the outside, everything looked perfect but something was missing.  Something had to 
change but I didn't know what or how to change.  I had lost sight of who I was and what I wanted for my life.' But guess what, Kristine managed to turnaround.  HOW ?  In a nutshell, Kristine shares to us that 'Anything worth doing  in life requires you to push past your fear and take a risk.  FEAR and EXCITEMENT are two sides of the same coin.  YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE.'📌📌📌
 

Measuring Our Strides

Measuring Our Strides 

Everyone of us do set goals, that's for sure.  Where most of us need to admit our shortfall is that innate fear for us to measure our strides, how far have we gone, how much progress have we achieved and how far are we in our journey to achieve that goal we have set. Unless we stop momentarily and take a pulse check of where we are, continuing to trudge on becomes a win-loss proposition because unless and until you know the 'real score' as to where you stand, you are losing by default in taking a checkpoint assessment of yourself.

Taking a 'true read' of your strides is just 'what the doctor always orders'.  For those cognizant of their strides, they tend to gloss much on it, sometimes misguiding one's self to believe that he has achieved so much and success is just around the corner, he just needs to go on 'auto pilot'.  Problem is, we tend to 'count the chicks even before they are hatched'.  Sometimes, we need to stomp and ask ourselves if do we deserve a bowl of bean soup at the cafeteria.  Swing over to the other side of the fences, sometimes we go through a spate of failures, and that's fine, that's a fact of life.  The pitfall is that it can hit hard our morale when our motivation skids down south.  By taking a pulse check, who knows, there's some meat left in the bone.  

In those times we stumble, what we need is that 'TRY AGAIN' prompt, that's all we need to egg us to take that shot, even if it's another longshot. Michael Mauboussin spelt it clearly in his Harvard Business Review piece @

https://hbr.org/2012/10/the-true-measures-of-success which he capsulizes by highlighting that "people's deep confidence in their judgments and abilities is often at odds with reality". 

Question is what metrics can we adopt to measure our lives ?  Clayton Christensen shares with us @ https://hbr.org/2010/07/how-will-you-measure-your-life wherein Intel Chairman Andrew Grove asked him to fly over to Silicon Valley and share his model to his direct reports.  Lo and behold, he asked for 30 mins, he was given 10 mins to showcase his model.  Getting Grove's buy-in to his model was all it takes as long Christensen is able to map it to Intel.

The stumbling block has always been our failures and how to handle it.  Susan Tardanico says  it all @ https://www.forbes.com/sites/susantardanico/2012/09/27/five-ways-to-make-peace-with-failure/?sh=6efd27b03640 where she offered a 5-point 'Failure Strategy', i.e. 'Don't take it personal, take stock of things, stop dwelling on it, dump off that 

mindset where you always need other's approval and figure out a new point of view.  Do you want to hear how a big time winner blurted it all ?  Take it from Michael Jordan who said: 'I have missed more than 9,000 shots in my career.  I have lost almost 300 games.  On 26 occasions I have been entrusted to take the winning shot and I missed.  I failed over and over and over again in my life.  AND THAT IS WHY I SUCCEED".📌📌📌

When the Shine Wears Off

When the Shine Wears Off

📌📌📌 Our global community has evolved through the years.  Ever since the communist walls crumbled in that old U.S.S.R and everywhere else in Eastern Europe, even borders across countries have become so porous and permeable.  And capitalist economies suddenly boomed beyond the roof.  Let's look at Dubai.  While its oil output is approximately 3% of the Persian Gulf economy, its accelerated development has been more anchored on revenues from trade, tourism, travel, real estate and the regional financial services, thanks to its very aggressive yet successful campaign to become the undisputed regional financial hub in the Middle East.

Where's the rub then ?  It is when the 'shine wears off', when we have 'overstayed the welcome'.  Dubai is a classic example wherein Indians comprise approximately less than 30% of the UAE population. And while Arab culture still prevails, the element of the South Asian culture is everywhere.  That book by SocioCultural Anthropologist Neha Vora in ['Impossible Citizens"  Dubai's Indian Diaspora'] gives us both the head and tail of 

the Indian Diaspora.  In Zia Salim's piece @ https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/2325548X.2015.1050765, she dissects Neha Vora's book as she 'highlights the paradoxical, contradictory logics faced by Indians who by themselves are non-citizens yet very much considered as 'locals' in the UAE. 

Swing that narrative over to a Southeast Asian country whose 15% of the population are also in their own version of diaspora, albeit in a smaller scale compared to India [legitimately, it's 12% but factor-in those who sneak below the radar,  Kaboom, you got 15% of the population spread across the globe].  And when Simon Cowell sneers and asks you 'WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE ?', where does that leave the millions of citizens now in diaspora ?  Hmmmm, your guess is as good as mine.  The more they will dig up for the 'long haul', stretching the welcome which has really been over-stretched to say the least.  Unfortunately, when you are awash with financial resources, you never thought that one day, the well will eventually dry up.  It will, it will.

When we are a part of that diaspora [and indeed, I was very much part of that temporary migration more than a decade back], right from Day-1, I knew that I was there in another foreign land for reasons of the paycheck and NOT for the security that citizenship gives [fortunately, I was blessed to receive my naturalization citizenship and really enjoyed the fringe benefits that goes 

with it, e.g. flying off to U.S. elsewhere literally 'on the fly' and visa-free.  But I was never remiss in constantly reminding myself that, that was only a pitstop for me [despite the fact I was carrying and enjoying all the benefits of that very respected orange/tangerine passport].  So, if you come across job posts for high-paying jobs, it's very likely because the 

work sites are somewhere in remote or inhospitable regions. The 'crappier' the nature of the work, the higher the pay and you will be compensated for not even taking your family with you [because that's just not feasible].  As the old cliche goes, all good things don't last forever.  That's when reality hits the mirage and all that is left [after the sandstorm] will be the sand 
and camels.  What do we do next ?  Let's stop the bleeding and have that 'quick fix'.  But again, don't lose sight that the best fishermen go where the fish are.  As long as you remain to be that kind of fisherman, you'll be fine.💊💊💊
 

Redefining the Celebration of Life

Redefining the Celebration of Life

We all CELEBRATE LIFE, we all do.  Problem is, most of our celebrations are anchored on milestones, e.g. birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, awards.  Now, a year has passed, this pandemic is still all over us.  Shouldn't we redefine how to CELEBRATE LIFE ?  Frankly, I'd like to celebrate life sans those birthdays, anniversaries, achievements.  But instead, I'd like to celebrate life each morning when we wake up and a new day dawns for us and every evening when we hit the sack, thankful that we went through another day nary a setback that we are unable to face head-on.

Simply put, not being unwell is one cause to CELEBRATE LIFE.  Being with your loved ones is another reason.  And even if this pandemic caused you to be isolated for the past year away from your loved ones, I'll still celebrate life if till to date, I'm very much alive and breathing.  We don't need to dwell on milestone achievements because that's a given.  Hey, we should even be thankful to this pandemic because it led us to a long list of realizations.  Addie Joseph gives this insight in her content-heavy blog https://www.cnbc.com/2020/04/18/coronavirus-pandemic-changes-the-way-people-celebrate-holidays.html.  Even traditions like the Passover became a 'Zoomover', like it or not.  

To quote Anne Lamott, 'even grim, uncertain times can hold sparks of love and light' @ https://www.nationalgeographic.com/magazine/2020/12/dont-let-the-pandemic-rob-us-of-joyful-traditions/.

And if you're running out of thoughts how to enjoy life even in the simplest way even nary of any visible reason, take it from Marelisa Fabrega @ 

https://daringtolivefully.com/simple-ways-to-celebrate-life wherein she rattles off 50 'well thought' thoughts and you won't believe it, that 50ish list even includes things as mundane as 'walking barefoot through the grass or deliberately go for a walk through the rain and even step into the puddles'.

I heard a zillion times 'Garbage-in Garbage-out' but that's mostly in the technology space.  Now here comes Hugh Culver's blog wherein he harps and rattles off these unacceptable one-liners

📌 As soon as I'm done with my project, I can do that

📌 As soon as I lose weight, I can enjoy life 

📌 As soon as I receive the monies, we will enjoy life

📌 As soon as I lose weight, I'll be enjoying life more

To quote Hugh Culver: 'these statements is a SURE-FIRE WAY to MISS OUT on LIFE'.  It's like you're saying 'I'm not happy, therefore I'll never be happy' !@#&|@?

C'mon folks, let's celebrate life NOW as in NOW because here we are, healthy enough, surviving this pandemic !  BTW, tomorrow FEB 14th, we got another reason to celebrate, of course, because it's VALENTINE's Day. Happy Valentine's folks!

When You're Bereft of Options

 When You're Bereft of Options...

💣💣💣British Actor Rowan Atkinson [a.k.a. Mr Bean] may have made our tummies laugh through his movies but surely you're temp will skyrocket if he stares to you this way simply because you're bereft of options, nada, zilch, nil.  But such is life.  When you are there at the sea bed, there is almost nothing left in you, not even your self-esteem.  But regardless of how serious your predicament is, think of this upside that's way beyond debate:  when you're down, there's no way to go but up.  But the catch is, how to swing that trajectory towards up north.

But c'mon, everyone of us went through hell at some points in our lives so surely, we'll all agree that whatever 'hell' we went through, it made us stronger, wiser and probably mature than prior to that 'dark episode'.  And this is where I'd like to have the analogy of humans with barbeque.  In life, we need to be marinated, honed.  Anything and everything that was once raw in us will be burnished in time before we face the next storm in our life.

As this girl's poster says, PLEASE, let's dump any mindset that says we need to survive life.  That can find you in crutches in due time.  Take it from Lore Deschene who rattles the the 30 ways to live life @ https://tinybuddha.com/blog/30-ways-to-live-life-to-the-fullest/.  Now I won't rattle off the 29 ways but instead just the 30th tip, which says: 'follow your hopes and not your fears'.  

And as you grind in life, there will be stacks of cards scattered all over you, one too many options.  And more often, we tend to pick the best, most attractive option.  But as this poster goes, pick that option which makes you feel happy picking it up.  And doing so will turn that picked option as the best one.  And how about Niksen, that Dutch lifestyle concept of doing nothing as shared by Sophia Gottfried @ https://time.com/5622094/what-is-niksen/#:~:text=Niksen%20%E2%80%9Cliterally%20means%20to%20do,stress%20and%20recover%20from%20burnout.  This Dutch concept tells us

that as stress levels are going up beyond the roof, practising Niksen gives your mind to wander, carving out time for yourself till you can gather things for yourself and regroup.  But if you wanna browse the 101's of surviving life, do browse Mark Manson's piece @ https://observer.com/2016/09/63-steps-to-survive-the-worst-moments-of-your-life/.  That's a long list of life-hacking tips but I'd like to dive into #63 which tells us 'realize that your problems are not special or unique'. And don't lose sight that, whatever it is, 'LIFE is BEAUTIFUL'.💜💛💚

Don't Get Too Caught Up Too Much...

Don't Get Too Caught Up Too Much...

Don't fret.  Don't regret.  Don't pin yourself down if you get too caught up too much on something until you realize getting stuck up.  Indeed, a very common pitfall in life.  Sometimes we get trapped.  Probably we look up so much on a role model who then does not end up the role model you were looking up to.  Sometimes it's all because of the bandwagon.  When everyone moved up to university with that popular academic course, you enrolled in that course too, regardless of anything.

Sometimes, it's after we stumbled hard.  When we rose up, dismissing the bruises as mere scratches, we went on 'panic mode', suddenly so obsessed turning things around overnight.  This is the 'panic attack' we always feared because when you get too caught up to do a catch-up, there is a good likelihood that you'll stumble a second time around probably harder than the first time around.  Remember those times in school when you were not doing so well in one subject.  Then you tried to be dismissive by assuring yourself that this too shall pass, that you just need to wait for the next academic term.  Until that previous academic shortfall will seem to haunt you down the road because your low rating gets carried over in your records

Of course you need to catch up.  So where's the pitfall.  That pitfall is the mindset of looking up to the leader of the pack, so way ahead of you, you don't have even a china man's chance to catch up. Take this from Dr Kerry Petsinger @ https://www.lifehack.org/630925/feeling-stuck-is-not-fun-this-is-how-i-never-feel-stuck-in-life-again, a very insightful piece that confronts you 'why you're stuck, how feeling stuck screws you up [secretly]' and sharing us the recipe to get unstuck by resetting/revisiting your goals, relook at your mindset, 'get out of your comfy zone' and lastly, another resonating message I heard a thousand times, 'surround yourself with people' who either have done for what you aspire or are the very inspirations you need to trudge on.

Rachel Ann Nunes, one of America's best-selling and award-winning authors says: 'when you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you.  Let's face it, sometimes we need an 'electric shock' to get into a realization.  And let's face it, more often, we are caught up with things.  In school, we were too caught up down to the last quiz in class.  At work, we got too caught up with $$$ until we realized we were so damn bored with our daily routine, pushing us south-bound, skidding fast in our performance at work.  In our homes, we got too caught up with the regular cart-ful of groceries, settling bills left and right till you end up nurturing the relationships that matter most, with your immediate family, your loved ones.

The thing is, it's never late to catch up but hey, please run at your own pace, your own capacity.  Worst thing is you're keeping up with the Jones'.  If they are bonafide members of the 'big league', get both your feet back to the ground, realize and revisit what you are, where you are and what's your potential.  Are you still for a 42km marathon ?  Or are you good enough for the last lap ?  Or are you gasping for breath, having that feeling of an almost empty tank anytime now ?  If that's the case, do revisit Dr Kerry's piece @ https://www.lifehack.org/630925/feeling-stuck-is-not-fun-this-is-how-i-never-feel-stuck-in-life-again.  You can have that lease of life you deserve, trust me BUT do trust yourself first more than anyone else.⏳

First Things First, FIND YOUR FIT

First Things First, FIND YOUR FIT

📌More often, we end up lose in the maze because either we are unfit or misfit, for whatever reason.  The failure rate is quite evenly spread those who aimed big and fell off big time and those who were unexpectedly pushed into a situation because an opportunity arises in the organization.  Unfortunately, as per a 2018 McKinsey Report [https://hbr.org/2020/02/how-to-succeed-when-you-have-big-shoes-to-fill], nearly half of all leadership transitions do fail.

Setting your goals and expectations as high as the speedometer goes is very much laudable but the bigger question is the capability of your engine even when it goes full throttle.  And this is where John Rampton shares his formula @ https://www.forbes.com/sites/johnrampton/2017/11/07/a-5-step-formula-to-find-your-niche/?sh=26cb706748fc for you to find your niche.  And even after you seem to have found your niche, narrow it down further, e.g. if you

felt 'freelance writing' is your niche but if that seems a wide gaping hole, you can narrow it down further.  And once you have narrowed it down, do validate it by looking at the market, at the competition.  Don't go helter-skelter for that mad rush to the gates unless you have closed this loop.

Take Gordon Tredgold's piece @ https://www.inc.com/gordon-tredgold/secret-to-success-aim-high-start-small-and-keep-going.html wherein he says, it's just fine to 'AIM HIGH' but do 'START SMALL'.  Thereafter, 'KEEP GOING' and never lose focus.  Lesser spirits will evaporate in thin air after getting hit 'black and blue' by failures after failures until a stampede happens.

There's one hole out there where many us did fall off.  Many times we aimed low. Then, lo and behold, we hit our mark.  Then, we start singing hosanna. patting our backs, beating our chests.  Problem is that gives us the false appreciation that we have achieved a milestone success because frankly, while you did hit your mark, it was so damn low, it hardly scratches the surface. Let's keep grinding and grinding, folks.📌

 

We Must CONTROL Social Media [& NOT Social Media CONTROLLING Us]

 We Must CONTROL Social Media [& NOT Social Media CONTROLLING Us]

Who would have thought NOT extra-terrestrials controlling us but social media ?  That is beyond debate if you let  LIKES & FOLLOWING [and add comments as either an icing on the cake or salts on the open wounds] take over you, so to speak.  Like it or not, social media has a huge impact and while a fraction of it is positive, a bigger chunk of it borders on the negative as it tends to affect our moods and stress levels.  Even that unabated and uncontrollable addiction is further exacerbated by social media too.

To claim that social media has generally uplifted us, be it emotionally or psychologically, is pure and simple baloney.  Tragic stories have been coming out from the news wires the past months and years.  How many Korean personalities ended their lives tragically ?  Blame it on social media.  It's just too hot to handle, even with entertainment personalities having their own PRs, it's just too much to us humans. 

Yeheyyy, FOMO [fear of missing out] is now ten years old since it became part of our lingo in 2011.  Today, it has been pushed to the background. Browse https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3410074/Forget-FOMO-FOJI-MOMO-JOMO-new-anxieties-caused-social-media.html and you'll see that FOMOMO [Fear of the mystery of missing out [hey, how do you react when you drop your phone or the power simply conks out even if the battery is charged]].  Consider JOMO [joy of missing out, that "IDC" feeling and you're just in bed, reading another interesting book. 

or MOMO [that Mystery of Missing Out, you know that paranoia when your friends don't post anything and instead, you start to obsessively search and search for clues, sounds familiar ?]  !  Doesn't that make you look confused, rattled and worst, rudderless ?  Probably, it will help tp peruse Summer Allen's insightful piece @ https://www.apa.org/members/content/social-media-research as he dissects SocMed's growing impact to us.

Before we end up playing a 'trap game', consider drawing a line when it came to being kept into a hook and push comes to shove, DON'T ever throw people closest to you under the bus.  DON'T burn bridged.  Instead, allow the situation to simmer down.  DON'T dip deeply.  Take the bad with the good.  Chalk it up to experience.  And when you're part of SocMed, indeed it's difficult but it comes with the territory.  Sometimes you can end up right into the fire.  Handle it well, dude.  There's no other way. 📌

When All the Chips are Down

When All the Chips are Down

⏳ Pun intended, when all the chips are down, you become taller because suddenly, you'll be seating on a pile of chips, literally.  But seriously, let's take stock of things.  When indeed all the chips are down, very likely, either one of these two probabilities may arise.  Either you disintegrate and crumble into pieces or you end up bolstered and boosted, never dented by a setback which to you is just another one in passing.  And that too shall pass.  I'd like to piggy-back on that blog of Shawn Doyle @ https://www.huffpost.com/entry/8-ways-to-stay-motivated-_b_9455570 wherein she rattles off the basics of all basics, namely:  Have that 'THIS TOO SHALL PASS' mindset, surround yourself with supportive people, keep moving forward [not backward and not in retreat], avoid everything 'negative', don't get into 'negative self-talk', revisit [and if needed rewrite] your goals.

And this cuts through ages.  You can be a fragile-looking girl or you can be septuagenarians.  And I'll take a leaf from one of Brendan Baker's piece @ https://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/3-must-do-strategies-for-building-momentum-in-life.html wherein he espouses that it's all about momentum, namely, 'JUST DO IT, SCHEDULE IT and LEARN ABOUT IT'.  Bottomline, you gotta infuse all the energy and focus into it.  Be consistent.  If you're into something that requires half an hour everyday, stick to that regimen.  

For those who did hit a roadblock over and over again, remember that SUCCESS has NO deadline.  And there is NO quota for failures as well.  And once you turn a corner, seize that moment, gain the momentum and endeavor not to lose it.  From this article @ https://www.theladders.com/career-advice/when-you-lose-momentum-you-become-vulnerable-to-distraction, it tells us that 'momentum has a psychological effect...It's like Newton's First Law of Motion.  An object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion... unless acted upon'.

Question:  how do we get into that momentum mode then ?  First and foremost, be sharp figuring out where's that lurking glimmer of light, glimmer of hope out there in the horizon.  From the  community of Joseph Wilner, this piece is worth it:
https://youhaveacalling.com/personal-success/how-to-get-unstuck-and-start-building-momentum because before even dreaming for that momentum, you gotta get unstucked first.  And once you get unstucked, 'learn from your stuckness'.  Lessons gotta be picked from there  because that teaches us hard enough.  Any less less hard may not be as good as that damn hard lesson that got us stucked in that deep morass.

And this leads us to the next question:  how do we stack the cards in our favor ?  Take this from Inc.com
https://www.inc.com/john-brandon/4-ways-to-stack-the-deck-in-favor-of-success.html wherein John Brandon tells us that success doesn't happen just through sheer luck.  And there are four cornerstones he espouses, namely:  work MUCH HARDER and SMARTER, be around successful people, keep doing things where you have been successful and lastly, if you're in a state of failure where the implications have been wide and deep, considering another field

This narrative has been heard thousands of times this past year of the pandemic.  We have heard ex-pilots now into delivery services like Grab, retail managers now cooking their home-cooked food and selling it in front their houses, a concierge guy now into home-cleaning.  And BTW, these are all honorable kinds of work wherein they had to switch fields because the situation has demanded for it.  Akin to boatmen out there in the high seas. eventually, you will see the shores looming in the horizon.  Keep sailing, dude. 📌

The Proof of the Pudding is in the Eating

The Proof of the Pudding is in the Eating

📌 Surely in our lives, everyone in us went through virulent winds, heavy downpours, raging storms and even converging waves that combine forces to trigger tidal waves and tsunamis that have cleared up beachfronts in a snap.  Good grief, most of us do end up scathed but still barely surviving those ordeals even after going through the wringer. But the $64 question is, after we survive one ordeal after another ordeal, have we become more resilient, sturdier, steadier than before ? Let's visit this lifehack piece Jenna Anderson at @ https://www.lifehack.org/354489/20-small-habits-build-become-mentally-stronger-this-year as it stomps us as to how mentally strong are we.               

How do we then survive life ?  Let's browse Michael Feeley's HuffPost @ https://www.huffpost.com/entry/how-do-you-survive-life_b_9265024  wherein he capsulizes everything in his '4 crucial and sweet lessons' namely:  NEVER let anyone disrespect you, YOU are responsible for your own life [and NO ONE ELSE],  YOU are stronger [than you know] and whatever 'pain you're living through is only temporary and leading you towards new and better things.  Old energy and purpose will be replaced with new positive feelings and experiences.'
 

Ever thought of giving up ?  Take it straight from this posterized quote: 'THE TRUE TEST OF ONE'S METTLE IS HOW MANY TIMES YOU WILL TRY BEFORE YOU GIVE UP'.  And if I may add, there is NO threshold for the number of times you can retry and retry over and over again.  Take note the key lesson in life.  If you felt so dumb [apologies for lack of another adjective] in your first failed attempt, you will be less dumb the second time around and definitely, less less dumber the third time around.  Why ?  Because those wounds, bruises and scars are the materials that make us stronger.  Take it from Jemi Sudhakar's piece @ 

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/hard-times-make-us-stronger-ms-jemi-sudhakar.  And Jemi recaps everything by sharing with us as follows: WRITE down your problems, LIST all possible solutions, ASSESS your list, be PRAGMATIC with your solutions and stick with those solutions even if the first time around and the second time around it doesn't pan out.  And in all our travails in life, while physical health is an integral part of our success, it's your mental toughness that will make or unmake you.  That's where you will summon the very last threads of fabric and strength you need as part of whatever remains of your drenched and drained self.  Carry on dude.  ⏳