What We See, We Can Change!

 

WHAT we see, we can CHANGE.  Sounds like one of those overused and overstretched slogans, right?  BUT frankly, one of the toughest and hardest nut to crack in life is pushing for CHANGE.  In fact, many times in our life, we end up in situations WHERE we simply DON'T want to CHANGE.  I would admit that I was guilty of that a zillion times.  WHY OH WHY?  Those times WHEN everything was shining and dandy.  Those times WHEN the seas were calm.  Those comfort zones💚💛💜

Please DON'T get me wrong though.  It DOESN'T mean I was turning a blind eye of WHAT needs to be rightly done.  OR that I'm simply giving up.  OR that it ISN'T painful enough to go through that dilemma.  Fact of the matter is that we are still allowed to feel however we feel, BUT by accepting that it is WHAT it is, you give the problem less power over you, enough for you to progressively move on💧💧💧

Psychologists tell us that in their researches, practical radical acceptance has been shown to reduce feelings of shame, guilt, and anxiety and it can reduce distress in dealing with negative thoughts OR events💥💥💥

CHANGE practitioners [oooops, I admit I'm a Certified PROSCI Change Practitioner othat's more with regard business transformations] tell us that the very first step in accepting reality is gaining awareness that you're really resisting it.  It may seem like this would be easy to spot BUT there are actually a lot of subtle ways that people push through reality.  And if you're feeling bitter OR resentful, wishing things were different OR thinking about HOW life ISN'T fair, you might NOT realize you're fighting reality❌❌❌

Our takeaway:  One key realization I have in life is that before we can make peace with reality, we have to acknowledge that there's NO going back to the way things were [once CHANGE gets rolled up].  Doing that may be challenging and at times painful BUT by identifying WHAT you can and CAN'T control, we can turn our energy toward coping with the way we simply CAN'T CHANGE.  BUT let's size up things because WHAT WE SEE WE CAN CHANGE😀😀😀

Can Our Life Be EASIER? Seriously?

 

WHO wants an EASY LIFE?  Me Me Me!  Of course, WHO won't want it, right?  BUT please DON'T get me wrong.  I'm all for doing things in the most straightforward and simplest way possible, however, believing that life should be inherently EASY and that straightforward is often a 'FAST PASS' to dissatisfaction, anger OR even depression, huhuhu.  True, sometimes, things will come easily on us, like suddenly you hit the top LOTTO prize, wow, manna from heaven falling right on your lap📗📙📘

YES YES yow, it is that important for us to enjoy parts of our life WHEN things that seem to slot into place at the perfect time at that.  However, here's the thing.  WHEN people start to assume that things should come EASILY and believe at some level that the core aspects of life such as relationships and work should generally be plain sailing, it often leads to feeling cheated.  Also, it can feel AS IF there is something wrong with you [OR moi] if ever we find certain parts of life challenging while other people seem to be just sailing through.  The trap here is that finding things difficult can somehow become a fault OR worse, even a character defect [as WHAT psychologists opine]💧💧💧

Understandably, this often leads to people giving up OR can contribute to a perpetual sense of failure.  Relationships end because they feel OR seem to be 'too difficult' WHILE careers suddenly get cut short WHEN it gets too hard especially during those economic turmoils when companies would downsize for survival.  Worst thing, heard of those perennial family rifts?  They can linger on and on, unresolved, going unmended💥💥💥

Experts say that we sometimes feel that life should be EASY is that we compare ourselves to other people and tend to compare our 'INSIDES' to the OUTSIDES' of other people.  If other people seem to find things EASY, we would tend to assume that we should too.  BUT as with most beliefs in our adulthood, they often stem from our childhood experiences.  Having a sheltered childhood, cloistered in the confines of cushy homes that involved a lack of adversity in adulthood it feels unfamiliar and frankly, intolerable.  On the other hand, having a childhoo of emotional OR practical hardship can leave us exhausted and can create a sense of wanting❌❌❌

Our takeaway:  Telling yourself HOW things should be is one of the 'quickest' routes to distress.  Believing that even relationships, outcomes, feelings, people, careers and even events should be a 'certain way' is one of the reasons WHY it becomes a road block WHEN you end up finding something challenging.  Having a mindset that things SHOULD and SHOULDN'T be a certain way becomes the very problem at hand.  By changing our 'SHOULD BE' mindset, experts advise that we can likely lessen the impact WHEN something is more challenging than you thought it should [OR would] be.  So, CAN OUR LIFE BE EASIER?  Seriously, that's a question you can answer best😗😗😗

When We Get 'WRONGED'

 

It's true that besides being 'WRONGED' sometimes, everyone of us could have been the very cause of having other people 'WRONGED' but due to the sheer complexity of hitting two birds with one stone, I'd rather be modest and simply limit our thread today WHEN we are 'WRONGED' by others.  It is a fact of life that very unfair and unjust things can happen to really good and well-meaning, good and decent people like you.  And in the wheels of justice, we should have heard narratives of a wrongly sentenced man serving his life sentence💧💧💧

BUT we WON'T dip our fingers into that cookie jar of injustices ironically happening within our judicial systems.  Instead, let's keep things simple enough here.  Abandonment, Betrayal.  Complicity.  Deceit.  Evil intentions.  That's just the A-B-C-D-E and the alphabet is more than two dozens to go.  BUT an undeniable fact is that WHEN our sense of right and wrong, of morality and justice, gets violated, it can rock our world and leave us awash in a swirl of emotions💥💥💥

Anxiety.  Anger.  Blame.   Confusion.  Despair.  And even outrage and sometimes, even grief for WHAT's been lost.  Those swirls of emotions will continue to hound us like the hanging swords of Damocles.  On the other hand, if it's were on the right flank of things, we can witness certainty, friendship, Security and even Trust.  Those were exactly WHAT I felt the past days I finally got reunited with a close friend from way back our school age until we charted different courses!!!

NOW, WHAT if someone does 'WRONG' us up front?  Tons of researches the past decades delved on the impact of FORGIVENESS, which often described it as one that can benefit relationships with loved ones, work colleagues, friends and even the communities.  Scientific research detailed HOW it can lead to lower cortisol, WHICH is a primary stress hormone, and higher oxytocin soon after experiencing it.  It also revealed HOW heart rate variability, WHICH is a measure of one's ability to 'self-soothe', increased😃😃😃

Our takeaway:  I WON'T reinvent the wheels here BUT instead, quote EN TOTO WHAT scientists advise us:

• Ponder how FORGIVING helps the FORGIVER.
• Then, we must understand the perceived injustices to help us deal with the injustices life throws at us along the way
• Third, we can use many ways of dealing with injustices and FORGIVENESS is one of them and by thinking about the benefits of FORGIVENESS, we can get a leg up on FORGIVING.  Merely dwelling on the benefits for about 10 minutes can motivate FORGIVENESS.

How About A 'Phone-less' Holiday?

 

Living a life with NO MOBILE PHONES?  Oh no, tell that to the marines.  NO sirrrrs, I DON'T intend to stir a hornet's nest here because 99.9999999% [and that includes moi] are all dependent on mobile phones.  I just CAN'T imagine not having one right on my bag OR pocket.  Yesterday, after buying some pastries from a local bake shop, after stepping out, I realized I left my phone behind.  Thanks God, it was still there [a minute after I left it]💧💧💧

For clarity here, I am NOT espousing that we throw our mobile phones out in the window ASAP and PRONTO as in NOW.  NO sirrrrrrs.  That's unacceptable as unrealistic as it can be because these days, we're end-users of mobile apps for Grab, Uber and all those foodies for home delivery.  Even our e-Wallet apps are in that mobile phone.  BUT IF we're going on a holiday, can we leave the 'normal' phone we use [in our everyday daily life] behind WHILE we can bring a spare phone purely for purposes of that holiday?  I know we will face resistance becaause in today's hyperconnected world, travelling without a phone seems pointless OR lets say, it's just impossible💥💥💥

BUT I've talked to some WHO did this and their feedback, it was 'rewarding and rejuvenating'.  BTW, rather than just peddle this out, I did 'walk the talk'.  I did go on a two-week holiday without my business phone.  BUT this is NO easy task UNLESS we prepare for it.  HOW did I do it?

• I shortlisted the possible numbers I need for the duration of my holiday, name it, my hotel etc
• I ensured that I won't use my mobile apps to draw out money.  ATM cards are sufficient, right?

• I made sure I WON'T need OTP's from apps
• Set a fallback if you need to 'google search'
• ICE [in case of emergency], of course I got to keep those numbers within reach

One realization I had was that a 'physical list' codifies a system and eliminates that temptation during those bored, anxious moments that inevitably arise during our travels/holidays WHICH may prompt you to grab your device then❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  That very remote prospect of an emergency during your travels/holidays is WHAT really keeps many of us away from attempting a 'phoneless travel' BUT let me share you my experience.  For easily more than the past 2 decades I've been like a 'road warrior', good grief, I never encountered a sinlye 'emergency' situation.  Of course, the emergencies we're likely to encounter are those practical ones, LIKE, missing a train.  These may seem catastrophic in the moment BUT with the right attitude, they're NOTHING more than those 'speed bumps' on the road.  As travel has normalized, almost all major countries offer mobile wifi and burner phone rentals right at your airport of arrival.  IF still a phoneless travel seems daunting, let's look back, EVERYONE TRAVELLED THIS WAY [just a few decades ago]😌😌😌

What Separates Us From The Pack?

        

Another boring topic?  Sort of BUT NOT really if we think of it.  Because much as there is disdain with competition, that's one reality we have to face [and WHICH reality we CAN'T run away].  The thing is, through the years, we have always seen and known that competitive sports is a microcosm of life itself.  WHERE we need to invest time and effort to scale up even as the goal posts seem to be moved each time we achieve a milestone.  And by the time we join the workforce, we have been trained and reared to be skilled, to be on time, to be mindful of teamwork.  Then, WHEN we apply for a job, we could probably get hired.  NOW WHAT?  Outside of the workplace, from the time we were reared at home, we were taught WHAT to ear, WHEN to do our chores, and in managing our schedules as well.  BUT alas, once you step into that workforce environment, that will be all gone.  No more guidance [except of course if you have a designated buddy OR mentor]😌😌😌

The kind of 'shity' part is that by then, we tend to have NO idea as to WHAT to do anymore because it's always been done for us.  And the biggest gaping hole that 's left for many of us is knowing our purpose.  I found myself wondering 'WHO DO I COMPETE AGAINST NOW'?  HOW would I prepare myself tor the competition out there?  And so, for many of us, it becomes ourselves.  And surely, everyone of us went through this recurring dilemma.  Meanwhile, most of us get stuck in the middle of the pack❌❌❌

True, from the time we stepped in school, our respective education systems [and I guess this is true regardless of most cultures and countries], we are taught to compete against each other in class.  And we hear our mentors emphasizing the 'importance of good grades' and 'hold students back' IF they DON'T achieve.  Later on in life, we tend to use these same labels to define the rank in their class WHICH ultimately leads to better prospects✅✅✅

Ultimately, from our infancy stages until we mature, we are taught to 'SIZE YOURSELF UP' and then value is placed on that position.  That value sticks with us through life.  Some people get lucky breaks and make leaps and bounds in our multi-tiered BUT most of us keep the pace and self-fulfill our destiny.  Thie 'shitty' part is that the whole time we are competing with everyone else, playing a game we never signed up for, with rules that the same group of people over time have created to keep themselves 'AT THE TOP'.  We then try to make it fun for ourselves, like keeping ourselves distracted with social media, and even a movie-binge!@#$%

Our takeaway:  Let's keep it simple, dude.  Allow me to share my simple BUT no-nonsense approach as I told myself I WON'T let competition affect me BUT on the other hand, I'd better get prepared for competion:

• Knowing and setting your vision - really MUST DO!
• HOW's your vision inspired?  You need to be inspired
• Then, WHAT is end goal?  
• Lastly, WHAT happens once you reach your end goal

WHAT SEPARATES US FRO THE PACK?  That's for us to take action dude [UNLESS you want to get stuck up in the middle of the pack]???

Raising Your Ceiling OR Your Floor?

 

What's your CEILING?  NO sirrrrrrrs, please DON'T take me literally because I'm referring to our own and personal limits of our capabilities in life.  And if we need proof that there is equilibrium and equity in life, it lies in the fact that each of us can boast and brag that we have our respective CEILINGs.  The catch there is that each of our CEILINGs are unique.  WHILE one can be a product designer in aeronautics, another one can go as high as a pilot WHILE someone else is best to become an in-flight purser.  Just a sampling of CEILINGs here📗📙📘

Another school of thought I came across years back is that [quite] palatable option of RAISING our FLOOR instead of RAISING our CEILING.  While raising our CEILING means the whole world to us because that opens us up to much more opportunities previously never thought us achievable, many times we missed tha fact that the issue is NEVER about one's CEILING but instead, it's on us, it's WHERE we stand, it's HOW we stand.  The Greek poet Archilochus was well quoted as follows: WE DO NOT RISE TO THE LEVEL OF OUR EXPECTATIONS.  WE FALL TO THE LEVEL OF OUR TRAINING.  And this brings us back full circle because if we accept this hypothesis, it's all about us after all💚💛💜

WHEN I stumbled across this quote, I realized that this quote absolutely destroys the perspective that keeps people mediocre.  And it rejects that ineffective mainstream ideas of growth WHICH are based on using emotional manipulation to provoke action.  And I strongly feel that this [NOT so known] quote shatters that false hope and replaces it with real hope and I found out that the more I expect of myself, the less I actually do💥💥💥

In the past, I admit that I always endeavored to keep pace with the 'rat race' out there, so I tried to be that 'ultra productive' workbot, and shockingly, the results were awful during those times.  And I realized that that was classic perfectionism at work.  I mean, as expectations rise, so does the bar to entry.  BTW, that's just the math though.  A higher bar to entry means fewer entries.  And applied in a practical manner, I believe this meant that we should NOT prioritize those 'pie-in-the-sky' achievements💚💛💜

Our takeaway:  So, this boils down to FLOOR versus CEILING. Are we about to blame the height of our CEILING, such that it is hampering our own growth OR progress?  I'd say that's quite a shaky proposition because I am more inclined to believe that much more can be attributed as to how we perform right from the FLOOR.  In real terms, we walk on the floor and though we may seem to sometimes fantasize about flying to the CEILING, day after day, to our dismay, it is the FLOOR we find ourselves on.  NOW let's think carefully about our life, the UPs and DOWNs in it.  And stated simply, the greatest threat to our well-being is our regression.  That is, the greatest threat ISN'T that we CAN'T fly to the CEILING BUT instead, it is us WHEN we crash on the FLOOR.  So, are we RAISING OUR CEILING OR OUR FLOOR???   

When Humility Kicks In

 

HOW many of us grew up through childhood without being oriented and molded to grow as a person in HUMILITY?  As early as our pre-school age, WHEN we play with neighbors and friends, our parents kept reminding us about HUMILITY, LIKE being magnanimous WHEN winning games or contests.  LIKE WHEN you start to becoming successful, always manifest that HUMILITY up front because you WON'T be the person now had you NOT been mentored and molded by your parents to be HUMBLE.  BUT alas, in this topsy-turvy world, HOW far can HUMILITY go???

As competition is very tight in life, even during our school days, the teacher WON'T be holding constantly a calculator to compute each of your verbalized academic performance and your boss at the workplace is NOT YET an 'AI' entity WHO keeps track of your work performances based on a prescripted algorithm, right?  Instead, more often, the tipping point would normally favor someone WHO is HUMBLE NOT in a laidback stance.  HOW can you go up the corporate ladder if you remain as meek as a lamb???

True, I buy back that motto 'WORK HARD, STAY HUMBLE' BUT WHAT IF you have a colleague eyeing for a juicy plum job promotion WHICH you yourself is angling as well?  WHAT IF he is that aggressive and highly profiled person WHO DOESN'T let a minute past without showing off his wares, impressing the key people around.  WHEREAS you yourself?  Probably you are seated in one corner of the room, so timid, so meek and existing in an eerie silence.  DO we think the latter will be the top fav for job promotion???

YES, studies show that there are multiple problems with HUMILITY itself.  And I'll barely scratch the surface here by starting off with the fact that in life, it is necessary for us to think about ourselves, at least sometimes.  HUMILITY is NOT the same thing as NOT thinking about yourself.  And in the labyrinth of words, pitifully, HUMILITY is sometimes mixed up with HUMILIATION.  NO sirrrrrrrs, those 2 words are worlds apart.  Blame it on semantics!!!

Our takeaway:  So, if HUMILITY is NOT the same thing as NOT thinking about yourself, OR humilation OR inaccessibility to objective truth, WHAT IS IT?  So, I'd like to suggest that humility is a proper assessment of oneself  BUT this definition does create its own difficulty as some of us have grown up viewing ourselves as 'PRETTY GOOD', tending to underemphasize our shortfalls in life.  BUT think about it, HUMILITY should never be treated as either just BLACK or WHITE😌😌😌

That 'FACELESS' Elephant In The Room

 

HOW often were we told [sometimes whispered through] NOT to keep SECRETS!@#$%?  THAT we've got to be transparent.  THAT we be seamless.  THAT we be an 'OPEN BOOK'.  Ouch!@#$%?  TELL IT TO THE MARINES, dude.  Game's over long time back.  We're NOT even in the 19th century anymore.  On a serious note, I have a 'NOT SO' giveaway question here:  In the light of our threads with regard SECRETS, can someone guess as to WHO/WHAT is that FACELESS ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM!@#$%?

And that 'NOT SO' tough answer is......  YesYesYow, you hit it 'spot on'.  It is NO LESS than SOCIAL MEDIA.  YES, I'm NOT here to defend any Tom, Dick and Harry BUT to be brutally frank, while decades back, SOCIAL MEDIA was nothing more than just somewhere on the fringes, these recent years, SOCIAL MEDIA has literally TAKEN OVER our lives.  DON'T look farther than simply prowling through TikTok and Meta's Facebook❎❎❎

SECRETS get spilled ten times faster than the speed of light, YES that breaches Mach 10 [approximately 12,348 kilometers per hour].  Juicy SECRETS whether it pertains to geo-politics and the Middle East conflicts, the 'below the surface' strategic moves of Saudi Arabia's crown prince [that's Mohammed bin Salman Al Saud] WHO's literally running the show in his country, and over to the juicy rumors coming from the British Royals, and the endless juice from Hollywood, there's that FACELESS ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM💥💥💥

NOT to douse cold water over those damn 'juicy rumors' and half-truths [a.k.a. FAKE NEWS], let's go back to basics.  There are just things in our lives that would remain as such [and it's imperative that you commit to be utterly protective to shield these SECRETS away from SOCIAL MEDIA before you become toast and thrown under the bus:

• YOUR personal matters of your home.  Leave it at that.
• YOUR or your family's health issues.  Leave it that way.
• YOUR earnings, your ballooning $$$.  Shield it away.
• YOUR priorities yesterday, today and tomorrow.  YES, you collaborate only with the immediate parties you would need for those priorities.  None others, period

Our takeaway:  Surely, most of our readership will blurt out LIKE:  WE KNOW THOSE REMINDERS.  DON'T MENTION IT.  BUT hey dude, the reason WHY we're highlighting these reminders is all because of that FACELESS ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM.  SOCIAL MEDIA will never stop to tempt you to send a DM or a TikTok post to your friend, colleague and even strangers you casually met for the first time any OR all of these too sensitive SECRETS because if at all, these are yours [and your own immediate family's] alone.  To be an OPEN BOOK? YES you can BUT be super-duper mindful of the boundaries etched in the sands😡😡😡

Caution With Regard OVERACHIEVING

 

NOT to a fault BUT surely, from the time we were good enough to stand up and go to school, we would heard from our parents the recurring motto of NOT just achieving BUT OVER-ACHIEVING.  Fast forward WHEN we become a part of the workforce, NOT just our organization BUT even global human resource entities like Mercer Group peddled that BELL CURVE thing.  And the message was, BELL CURVEs are here to stay.  BUT the spiel DOESN'T stop there.  Instead, it starts there because the messaging that will keep to be resonated is the need NOT just to achieve BUT to OVER-ACHIEVE.  At work, in those performance measurements, if you did well your expected work 100% with no slip ups OR foul-ups, you are just GOOD enough BUT NOT enough to become a high performer💧💧💧

To put things in a balanced perspective though, that desire to ACHIEVE is a major source of strength both in our personal and professional lives.  YES, it generates that passion and energy WHICH would fuel that expected growth and help us, as individuals, to sustain the progress we would have achieved to date.  And without causing undue alarms, that trajectory of achieving MORE until it translates to OVER-ACHIEVING has been on an unabated rise through the decades and NEVER is it expected to dip.  No thanks even to human resource consultants WHO have peddled that BELL CURVE ever since💥💥💥

BUT here's the thing.  To be an OVER-ACHIEVER is poles apart from being a HIGH PERFORMER.  And WHAT differentiates an OVERACHIEVER from a HIGH PERFORMER is that intention behind their seek for greatness.  And by default, the OVERACHIEVER believes that their work will fill that emotional void and that they are defined by it.  WHEREAS the HIGH PERFORMER believes that work is a great way of reaching a concrete goal in life and that performing well is a great way of doing it✅✅✅

YES, unfortunately, many of us experience life growing up doing too much although even from my personal life, to be fair to everyone, that OVERACHIEVING pitch was NEVER forced upon me.  It's just that I had to hear my mother's spiel countless times that OVERACHIEVING is the way to go.  BUT NOT to heap blame on her, I have to be honest, I NEVER heard from her even a sampling of disadvantages BUT frankly, there are disadvantages.  LIKE its impact to mental health because

OVERACHIEVERs tend to struggle with perfectionism and with that constant drive, it leads to more stress and even potentially, depression may creep by then😡😡😡

Our takeaway:  As I'm NOT one to reinvent the wheel, let me share WHAT experts have been highlighting as the downsides of being an OVERACHIEVER [without implying that one should NOT be an OVERACHIEVER]:

• SOCIAL ISOLATION - Due to the intense focus on personal achievement, it is difficult to form and maintain healthy relationships as WHEN others DON'T share the same drive
• LACK of SATISFACTION - Because OVERACHIEVERs may find it difficult to appreciate their accomplishments and enjoy the journey.

Dude, we're cautioned with regard OVERACHIEVING!!! p.s. We're NOT downplaying OR belittling OVERACHIEVERs.  In fact, we should appreciate and celebrate them😀😀😀

Scratching The Surface [Really Means SCRATCHING THE SURFACE]

 

Sometimes, we [wrongly] liken the surface to the truth itself.  LIKE WHEN he appears to be nice, then he's damn nice.  In the NBA's competitive world of hoops, WHEN a rookie tops the box scores in his very first foray come the next Summer League, the bar gets raised and he's tagged as one of top rookies to shine.  LIKE someone who tops his academic class and is offered an executive trainee role in an MNC, likely it's because he's been identified as a blue-chip 'New Kid on the Block' rookie💚💛💜

WHEN I was first hired at Global MNC Shell @ the workplace, I was NOT that blue-chip Tier-1 hire.  WHICH means, during my early years of our annual performance appraisals, my CEP [Career Expected Potential] was NOT tagged as either A, B or C [because those are employees seen as potential C-Suite level.  BUT within myself, I told myself, that was the least of my concerns because at that time I was barely SCRATCHING THE SURFACE then💧💧💧

BUT the thing is, many of us [and I was guilty of this early in my career], we tend to get in a comfort zone after barely SCRATCHING THE SURFACE, WHICH WHEN translated in layman's terms, by then I had barely learned anything if at all yet.  The little confidence that comes from SCRATCHING THE SURFACE is good [BUT NOT GOOD ENOUGH] and we just DON'T need to settle there.  Instead, we need to keep scratching and scratching way way beyond the surface.  Sadly, in these times we're going through, many [if NOT a majority] really lack that enduring patience in life.  Instead, we tend to seek fast and quick results very much akin to those social gratifications we instantly receive via LIKES and FOLLOWERs in social media💥💥💥

WHENEVER I get to spare a fraction of my slack time through the years, I tried to test the waters by randomly raising some topics worth discussing and I realized that most of them only seem to touch the surface.  This is NOT to claim that I'm better than them [as there is NO basis for me to say so] BUT I'd rather blame Mr Google the past years and Ms AI at least the past year OR so because they seem to be always within our fingertips and WHEN we throw a question, WHATEVER it is, voila, got the answer!!!

Our takeaway:  AFAIK, the results arising from either Mr Google OR Ms AI [LIKE ChatGPT] might NOT be objectively acceptable in all situation by everyone.  If only we spend some time critically reading and thinking the entire threads, sometimes some learning can be expected to happen.  True, it takes years to get good at something.  We can only create OR contribute anything useful IF we keep learning in systematic manner.  Really, SCRATCHING THE SURFACE literally means the same thing too!!!