Relationships Are NOT Fixes

Relationships Are NOT Fixes!@#$%?

Surely, many of us [and that includes moi] were, at some points in the past, were waylaid based on the premise that Relationships Are Fixes BUT hey dude, Relationships Are NOT Fixes, NOT at all.  Many times in the past, I was legitimately aware of wonderful relationships of people I know on first hand basis.  I even remember their random texted questions punctuated with the same angst and 'IS THIS OKAY-ness' of the first few months of relationships.  Oh YES, we all know that, all the blissfulness during that honeymoon phase, NOT UNTIL many months later, you realized that THE PARTY'S OVER📗📙📘

BUT hey, I'm sorry for the confusion, our thread today is NOT about relationships at all.  Instead, we'd like to tackle circumstances WHEN we get confronted with our zillion issues in life sometimes, we [VERY WRONGLY] thought that by plunging into a relationship, that FIXES our issues.  NO WAY, Jose!!!  WHY?  Simple and straightforward.  NO other human can FIX you except you YOURSELF.  And let's do admit that many times, we ourselves CAN'T FIX our very own selves.  And if you inject relationships into that equation, you're doomed, dude💥💥💥

True, I'll be the very first to defend the unsullied proposition that relationships are good and amazing BUT dude, it's NOT enough.  And once we [sometimes unconsciously] shift the onus and responsibility to another person, you are now implying that your FIX to your issue is another 'person-dependent' one?  If so, WHY do you need to work on it yourself???

Frankly, once we place the blame of our anger, selfishness and lack of communications skills on others, we tend to be sidestepping our personal responsibility.  And that's running away from the issue at hand!!!  WHAT happens next is that leads us to issues that will only tend to become compounding because we have, by default, relinquished from the responsibility standing on our shoulders.  BUT hold on, we can still leverage on relationships much as we front the solutioning💧💧💧

Our takeaway:  There is NO ONE SIZE THAT FITS ALL.  You got to labor and exert efforts coupled with sweat [and sometimes frustration] to pin down the eventual FIX of your issue.  YES your relationship can give you those sporadic inspirations BUT please DON'T just dump the whole issue on that relationship.  it just DOESN'T work that way.  RELATIONSHIPS ARE NOT FIXES, dude💦💦💦

That Huge Diversity of HUMAN EMOTIONS

That Huge Diversity of HUMAN EMOTIONS

We all could believe that we are schooled and informed enough.  BUT do we know that there are 34,000 different HUMAN EMOTIONS?  YES, thirty four thousand no less, whew!  And recently WHEN I watched INSIDE OUT 2, it was the latest affirmation of the diversity of HUMAN EMOTIONS. That Huge Diversity of HUMAN EMOTIONS tells me that INSIDE OUT 2 was more than just an animated film📗📙📘

Instead, it was a profound exploration of the human emotional experience, highlighting the importance of all EMOTIONS, NOT just happiness.  It reminds us as well that understanding and embracing our EMOTIONS while prioritizing positive relationships does foster that sense of safety and belonging despite the challenges we encounter in life.  And while many scientists agree that EMOTIONS are universal, they see the sociological perspective💎💎💎

Digging into the sociological perspective of EMOTIONS, we can piece together feelings and emotions, exploring their role in human motivation.  True, many argue that EMOTIONS are inherited and biological BUT still shaped by historical, social, and even political contexts.  And psychologists coined the jargon EMOTIONAL LABOR when managing feeling and behaviors to show certain EMOTIONS publicly💦💦💦

All these lead me to the realization as to how central EMOTIONS are to our humanity.  And while some argue that love is NOT an emotion in the strictest sense.  And in INSIDE OUT 2, it does hint that these deeper connections help us to understand WHAT they reveal about ourselves.  And the wild card here is the oppressive pressures in our environment❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  Let us expand and stretch out our intestinal fortitude to co-exist with the 34,000 HUMAN EMOTIONS hovering around us.  UNTIL and UNLESS we expand our awareness across this diversity, we can anticipate that from to time, there will be disconnects and shortfalls insofar as how we handle the EMOTIONAL variable of the equations in our life.  Indeed, there is that HUGE DIVERSITY of HUMAN EMOTIONS💦💦💦

Life Can Be Like A 'HOUSE OF CARDS'

Life Can Be Like A 'HOUSE OF CARDS'

No one wants to exist within a HOUSE OF CARDS, NOT in life.  All throughout, we were always reared to put in place the sturdiest foundations that will help us become resilient regardless of the turmoil and challenges that we will face.  And this is no less relevant in relationships.  WHY do some of the relationships crumble so swiftly, shocking people WHO thought a couple had everything going between them.  OR even in friendships, WHY do some friendships last our lifetime even when the friends themselves are now residing at locations separated by thousands of miles apart?  And at the workplace, WHY do some employees work with an organization till retirement? YES, Life Can Be Like A 'HOUSE OF CARDS'📗📙📘

I remember couples awash with all the financial resources, everything was going in their favor to an extent that they had commercial forays that seemed reasonably feasible given all their financial chest.  UNTIL one day, I learned that they filed for bankruptcy.  A horizon that was so bright ahead suddenly turned gloomier than ever.  And sometimes, it's befuddling if theirs was a HOUSE OF CARDS that crumbled???

YES, we DON'T need to have an Engineering degree to have the sound fundamentals of STRENGTH OF MATERIALS [a subject I always heard from my bff WHO was into Engineering at that time].  BUT that's the long and short of it, it all boils down to the STRENGTH OF MATERIALS.  And it all starts with us as a person.  Our core values.  HOW far are we embracing our core values.  And HOW consistent are we in 'WALKING THE TALK' because at the end of the day, it's NOT verbose statements that will matter BUT it's HOW you LIVE LIFE.  Thing is, we DON'T want to living a hallowed life, window-dressed to a 'T' BUT one which can crumble down like a HOUSE OF CARDS💥💥💥

True, the coolest stuff our eyes will get mesmerized is an impressively constructed house, a relationship between couples WHO seem as the best partners ever, a business that grows and expands organically instead of witnessing things in a BIG BANG approach.  YET, behind all these, let us NOT miss out the foundational aspect, whether it's about our relationships, our work, our business.  We're NOT buying-in if your house looks impressive across its four sides.  Instead, WHAT will be remarkably recognized if that house structure does withstand the wrath of cyclones and hurricanes and even the cruelest winter.  WHAT we want in life is to withstand and endure all challenges we face✅✅✅

Our takeaway:  Let us NOT be enamored by all the nice and dandy things on the surface.  Take time and invest in efforts to dig up a foundation deep enough so that it DOESN'T get uprooted of whatever upheaval along the way.  Let us envision to be the last man standing, to have our relationship standing up there, for our business endeavors to keep chugging and chugging relentlessly.  YES, LIFE CAN BE LIKE A 'HOUSE OF CARDS'😀😀😀

Never Split The Difference [As In NEVER]

Never Split The Difference [As In NEVER]

This is a bit of a brief intellectual discourse WHEN in our daily life, we are faced with more than just two probabilities OR options.  For alignment, Mr Amazon defines it as that theory that offers as a source WHEN 'defusing a potential crisis, winning people over and achieving your very own goals'.  If I may add, these are scenarios where there is/are crystal-clear differences between Option A and Option B and YET, we sometimes feel 'SPLIT' between such two options to an extent WHEREIN we sometimes opt for a compromise, a modus vivendi.  And like it OR not, this is WHERE this theory to Never Split The Difference [As In NEVER] comes into the picture📗📙📘

LIKE contemplating for the career path of your child, you're considering either the medical OR technology fields. And you end up SPLITTING THE DIFFERENCE by opting for a career that is somewhere 'middle of the road' between the medical and technology career paths.  YES, the PROs are loud and clear here, that is, your choice is NOT too far from either career paths BUT here's the thing:  Did you get the UPSIDEs for each of those career paths???

OR here's a couple contemplating to buy their first property and two options they're looking at are either a landed property OR a condominium.  Challenge is, that will never be an apples-to-apples comparison.  You can rattle off comparisons and the list will be mile-long.  LIKE a landed property will offer you enough space for your gardens.  LIKE a condominium being located within the business district where your office is located.  Sometimes, the decision becomes a compromise one, like settling down with a landed property much closer to the business district but then it becomes pricey, and the lot size becomes significantly smaller.  WHAT's the lesson there?  True you managed to buy a property BUT you DIDN'T reap the best UPSIDE of either your original Option A OR Option B.  Instead, you ended up somewhere NEITHER HERE NOR THERE.  Oh Oh Oh, NEVER SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE📌📌📌

If you're relatively new in the job market, you could then be eyeing to land a corporate job in one of the recognized MNCs OR you're also contemplating to have your startup business as an entrepreneur. Oh Oh Oh, there is a huge gap between those two options and frankly, that is a major crossroad to take.  BUT do you know that based on studies, a plurality of decisions end up neither on that MNC nor the startup business option BUT instead, they end up with job roles somewhere in the 'middle of the road', more to facilitate the decision-making.  Hey Hey Hey dude, NEVER SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE💧💧💧

Our takeaway:  WHERE possible, NEVER SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE, NEVER take a 'middle of the road' decision UNLESS that is really the best option to take at hand.  True, we were trained to always consider a COMPROMISE because at times, that is the best path to take.  BUT hey, let us NOT allow the exception to become the rule.  Just NEVER SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE, where possible💥💥💥

Is Your BEST VERSION Now In The Rear-view Mirror?

Is Your BEST VERSION Now In The Rear-view Mirror?

Is Your BEST VERSION Now In The Rear-view Mirror?  Remember the great Swiss perennial tennis champion Roger Federer?  OR German Formula One champion driver Michael Schumacher?  OR the purported basketball's GOAT, the late Kobe Bryant?  OR the flamboyant American boxer Floyd Mayweather WHO retired undefeated after having won 15 major world title belts for more than 20 years?  QUESTION:  WHAT do they all have in common?  YES, THEIR BEST VERSION IS NOW IN THE REAR-VIEW MIRROR📗📙📘

YES, at some points in their lives, they were atop the world, being the BEST in their sports.  BUT WHERE are they now?  Probably, from time to time, they are sipping Margaritas while enjoying the breeze from the beachfront.  So, WHAT's the relevance of these 'HAS BEENs' to us now?  YES, we may be nothing when compared to those 'HAS BEENs' BUT let us NOT take away the credit due us as well because at some points in the past, we were likely at the PEAK OF OUR LIFE.  Could be your academic PEAKS OR career PEAKS OR financial PEAKS, name it OR SUCCESSES all rolled into one, giving you the mother of all possible PEAKS in life💧💧💧

BUT, not to be a 'killjoy', let us NOT embed in our subconscious minds that the BEST VERSION of ourself is always out there in the past.  NO sirrrrrrs.  WHO says that we DON'T have the capability to further move the goal post for us to breach our previous PEAK akin to reaching Base Camp of Mount Everest and scaling every phase till you reach that 'FINAL SUMMIT' at the seventh phase before descent💦💦💦

NOW, allow me to ask this quite confrontational question.  DO YOU WANT TO BECOME YOUR BEST YOU [much better than your previous BEST VERSION]?  I fervently hope that you answered a resounding YES.  In fact, in case you DIDN'T answer with an all-out YES, then MAYBE you need more confidence.  BTW, here's the BIG TRUTH.  People WHO are the BEST have that confidence to want to become the BEST😃😃😃

Our takeaway:  Ignore that graph of PEAKS and TROUGHS.  That's for presentation purposes.  BUT hey, just because you PEAKED 5 or 10 or 20 years ago DOESN'T close the doors for you to breach your previous BEST VERSION [regardless if you etched that record 5 or 10 or 20 years ago.  Keep SCALING UP to establish your latest BEST VERSION👍👍👍

Find What Fills You

Find What Fills You

YES, everyone needs to FILL oneself.  And at some point, no matter how good the food tastes, expectedly you will stop eating WHEN you've had enough of it.  WHERE does this lead us to?  It's for you, for us to Find What Fills You?  Oh, I remember something NOT so pleasant.  We all know HOW frustrating it can be WHEN people AREN'T listening to us📗📙📘

Worst of worst, sometimes it's even harder to have your opinions and ideas taken seriously by others.  And indeed, this can be difficult to deal with, especially WHEN you need to communicate often with people we regularly interact with.  And this is WHERE ADVOCACY gets into the picture as it means getting the support from another person to help you express your views and/or wishes💧💧💧

BUT hold on, before you can take the next step for an advocacy, you got to make sure that your CUP is FILLED as this poster says, 'YOU CAN'T POUR FROM AN EMPTY CUP'.  And as an advocate, this entails a share of responsibilities that comes with your advocacy.  THAT ability to listen to the views and concerns.  THAT ability to share information for others to make an informed decision.  THAT inclination to explore options and rights of a person [without pressuring them].  THAT ability to reinforce one's ACTIVE LISTENING💥💥💥

Word of caution though.  As much as you have decided on your advocate, there are parameters that will define your limits.  LIKE you are NOT expected to solve problems and make decisions on behalf others.  LIKE making judgments of others.  If along the way you seemingly feel lost, ask yourself if you want to find yourself before your getting lost becomes more apparent and impacting.  BUT WHAT you need to figure out is HOW to find yourself when pressed against the wall❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  To FILL yourself, you got to have both your feet firmly on the ground.  And to FILL yourself, it has to happen in a fairly reasonable manner, NOT those exceptions WHERE for the sake of personal aggrandizement, you WOULD declare that you have FILLED yourself.  FILLING oneself cannot be blemished OR tainted for the sake of FILLING because acquiring one self's self-fulfillment CANNOT be attained by cutting corners.  Instead, it takes a hell of personal conviction to reach that point to FILL oneself because only then, can you take the subsequent steps of pushing for your advocacies in life.  IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO, dude😌😌😌

Clinging At The End Of The Rope

Clinging At The End Of The Rope

Life is NEVER a bed of roses.  You will find a lot of difficulty in your life and that's just stating the obvious.  BUT each of these difficulties has got a lot to reveal.  And YES, they teach us the lessons for our lives.  And there would be times WHEN you feel THAT it's like the end of the road.  BUT hey, a hero OR heroine will NEVER let those instances pull him OR her down.  Just be the way you are.  Eventually, tough times will dissipate in thin air BUT that's after quite some time, not so soon though.  All you need to do is ensure that you should NOT let your spirit go down. Keep Clinging At The End Of The Rope📗📙📘

WHAT are we reminding ourselves here?  It's that we should NEVER give up.  Keep doing WHAT you were meant to do so far.  Just DON'T give up.  Eventually, those tough situations will go away.  All you need is to fight the difficult times with a good heart [and a fighting heart] backed up by a positive, persistent and 'gung ho' mind.  Only if you keep fighting [like TARZAN] will your journey lead you closer to your end goal💥💥💥

Should you let things go midway?  No way, Jose.  Eventually, those tough situation will go away.  WHAT we need to do is to fight those difficult times with a good, fighting heart.  And only if we keep fighting will we progress in our trek as well.  BUT again, this is easier said than done.  We got to hold and stretch out our patience and cling on to the end of that long rope and if you seem to find yourself to be CLINGING AT THE END OF THE ROPE, tie a knot for you to continue holding on to it with both your hands.  And even in a worse case the knot will NOT push to progressively move forward, at the very least, you will be able to hold on to it for now😌😌😌

Now, let us NOT belittle that option to tie the knot because it could mean a world of difference.  At that point, the knot resembles the support you critically and urgently need that very moment and in order for you to keep fighting back all the odds stacked against you, you will need that urgent assistance and by tying that knot, that momentarily freezes the moment and enables you to maintain the STATUS QUO, instead of pushing you down the drain for good.  BUT here's a word of caution.  Many of us get overwhelmed because there are one too many STEPS to take down the road.  Dude, just concentrate on that NEXT STEP, and NOT the next one hundred steps, not yet anyway❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  If at some point we seem to be just too overwhelmed by a goal we wanted badly to achieve, it's probably because you are thinking way too far ahead in the process.  WHEN this happens, instead of trying to organize your thoughts into immediate next steps, you seem to stop.  WHICH in turn means you do NOTHING.  And WHO wins?  FEAR wins, hands down.  True, we need big-picture goals from time to time like training for a marathon BUT for most of us those small, everyday petty victories and small-small steps can just be as important especially WHEN we are CLINGING AT THE END OF THE ROPE❗❗❗

Connecting The Dots

Connecting The Dots

Did you ever solve dot-to-dot puzzles?  Oh I loved them [especially WHEN I got stuck in-transit at airports due to flight departure delays].  I could sit for hours searching for one number after another.   Seeing the image revealed by Connecting The Dots seemed to hold a magic spell on me, something WHICH I myself CAN'T explain [before and even until now].  That metaphor of Connecting The Dots to learn, to understand, to see with new eyes helps make sense of the unknown.  A new perspective emerges WHEN we can visualize HOW ideas OR concepts interrelate📗📙📘

Within our families, and even schools and businesses, the world contains a myriad of DOTS within systems and processes.  And to make sense of the world, we tend to be constantly trying to CONNECT THE DOTS.  And language begins with CONNECTING words to things and eventually more abstract concepts and ideas.  As we learn those more complex concepts, our brain naturally searches for something that we already know.  We tend to CONNECT the known to the unknown💦💦💦

So, you might ask, WHAT'S the importance of CONNECTING THE DOTS?  WHEN we tend to underestimate the power of making connections, we create silos in our homes, communities and workplaces.  YES, I have my own DOTS.  And you have your own DOTS as well.  Nature DOESN'T work that way though.  Humans CAN'T work that way.  WHAT happens in our human body WHEN organs stop???

Now, let's spare a minute to look back at the revered Apple genius STEVE JOBS who was widely quoted that "YOU CAN'T CONNECT THE DOTS BY MOVING FORWARD.  YOU CAN ONLY CONNECT THEM LOOKING BACKWARDS".  I can't agree more on that.  Now for some number crunching.  Statistics show that our brains are exposed to [approximately] THIRTY FOUR [YES, that's 34] gigabytes of information PER DAY [YES, that's PER DAY, whew!].  Some of these experiences, memories, OR ideas are inevitably lost forever in the vaults of our minds BUT some of those moments do leave a REAL MEMORY that we can recall at will.  Think of those moments, the ones we can remember, like DOTS IN THE PAST💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  WHEN we think about our brain, most people have a vague understanding of HOW we form and store memories.  However, the details about HOW the brain does this are usually limited to experts, WHICH is exactly HOW most things in life work anyway like WHEN we need a mechanic, we do the same.  WHEN we want to really discuss the mechanisms within the brain, this is WHEN we need to get an appreciation that trying to figure out WHAT happens in our brains without having all the information is the same as trying to CONNECT THE DOTS in our own lives.  Dude, let's continue CONNECTING THE DOTS❗❗❗

Is TRYING Really TRYING?

Is TRYING Really TRYING?

We have to admit this.  Human beings are born curious, a trait that we somehow lose as the burdens of responsibility weigh heavily on our shoulders.  TRYING new things is paramount to being successful.  So, WHEN was the last time you did something for the first time?  And after going through it, the outcome was messy. So you wanted to fix it.  And that is life.  Fixing WHAT we completed.  Tweaking WHAT we did.  And even fine-tuning something even if it worked well.  So, the big ASK is,  Is TRYING Really TRYING?  Honestly, in the past, WHENEVER I heard TRYING, I blurted "THAT'S NOT ENOUGH" but I'm ok to do this 180-degree turn to correct the misconception that TRYING IS TRYING [because it is NOT]📗📙📘

Truth is, there is always that feeling of accomplishment [and we can add DELIGHT] WHEN we try something new.  So, is this your usual routine?  Waking up, getting ready, grabbing a cup of coffee and bagel at the local cafe, work and then buy takeaways for your dinner.  This sounds boring because most of us do this practically almost everyday.  Honestly, I'll be the first one to admit that performing repetitive routine literally saps the life out of our existence [and yes, sometimes, it DOESN'T look healthy].  WHAT do we do then?  WHY DON'T we consider to TRY something new💧💧💧

C'mon, I'm sure we NEVER run out of excuses to remain 'mediocre' in life.  Oooops, before I get bashed, I am NOT implying that everyone wants to be mediocre [because surely NO one wants to be one].  BUT in real life though, WHEN we want to remain stuck in our comfort zone, that is by default embracing mediocrity.  So, WHAT can swing us over to initiate NEW things?  HOW about re-emphasizing our strengths?  Do you have a role model?  WHAT qualities enamored you to them?  I am making a wild guess here that their zeal and passion for TRYING new things is one of them.  They must be unapologetic and willing to throw out everything to experience something NEW💥💥💥

Now, if only we will seek MORE in life, then there might be emptiness that is filled WHEN you try NEW things.  The only way they can do this is by trying something NEW, which will likely boost their confidence and belief in themselves.  WHAT matters as well is our appreciation of other people's experiences.  Besides your immediate circle, aside from WHAT is narrated within your environment, I did stumble across people whose myopic idea of something NEW seem to enlarge their ignorance❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  Let's simplify this web of complexity.  As we learn a new language, OR even as simple as tasting a new food, we are opening ourselves to understand other cultures and people.  We end up gaining insights into the WHYs and HOWs and appreciate them as humans.  As they say, experience is the best teacher BUT admittedly, it can only happen WHEN we try NEW things.  So, is TRYING REALLY TRYING?  Me thinks it is as simple as lifting your finger to TRY something NEW in life😌😌😌

Anything More Powerful Than ACTION?

Anything More Powerful Than ACTION?

Is there anything else in our daily life that can be Anything More Powerful Than ACTION?  Me thinks NOTHING approximates the POWER of ACTION itself.  No amount of combined talent, intelligence, wealth, opportunities and all the possible alignment of stars can come nearer to approximate the POWER of ACTION.  You can have all the grandiose plans and even announce it to the whole world BUT without ACTION, that is nothing but hollowed words📗📙📘

True, often times, we sit and ponder our goals, ambitions, and plans for the future [and that is laudable].  Especially WHEN you are looking for success, everything starts with that planning, WHICH could make OR break the difference.  The biggest issue that comes with planning to do something though, is the fact that there's NO ACTION.  Planning without ACTION is just a thought and more than that💧💧💧

So, WHERE do we go from here?  Oh Oh, NOT a tough question.  First, let's write down WHAT our END GOAL is.  For example, if someone WHO is looking to lose weight, then knowing WHAT their target weight is from the start will help them along with assessing and tracking their progress.  Without that preferred END GOAL, trust me, quite likely we WON'T end up with a concrete achievement💥💥💥

After writing down your END GOAL, DON'T miss out to establish checkpoints.  Take that weight loss as an example.  UNLESS you target to lose 'x' pounds in 2 months and another 'x' pounds in another 2 months, you will be unable to run the checkpoints we want to.  BUT that's the end of it though.  After writing your END GOAL and having the planned checkpoints, the NEXT STEP is to develop the micro habits towards your goal💦💦💦

Our takeaway:  No matter how grandiose one's plan is, akin to man's first landing in the moon by Neil Armstrong, that long road towards achieving your END GOAL starts with the very small steps WHICH, WHEN aggregated, that long road will lead towards the FINISH LINE you want to reach.  Looking back, I can humbly share as well that probably 99% of my successes till to date, I'll attribute it to the ACTUAL ACTION I executed as part of my game plan.  The remaining 1%, I'll credit it to the alignment of the stars.  At the end of the day, there is simply NOTHING MORE POWERFUL THAN ACTION itself❗❗❗