Why REGRET Gets Into The Way?

Why REGRET Gets Into The Way?

Reality check.  Have you ever made a DECISION that you later regretted?  YES, you're NOT alone, dude.  I've been in that boat ride many times in the past.  And most people are familiar with that feeling of emptiness mixed with that hint of anger [to yourself].  And then, your mind speeds through alternative timelines in which you did something different and things turned out better.  So, the question to us today, Why REGRET Gets Into The Way?  BTW, you might ask, WHY does REGRET deserve our space for today?  Yes, if only to find an answer to this unanswered question till to date💥💥💥

Although many REGRETS are small and quickly forgotten, like WHEN you made that 'stupid' comment in social media, there are some REGRETS that endure.  They become salient 'SLIDING DOOR' moments for WHICH you can easily envision a better storyline for your life. Reflecting on the most enduring REGRETS is important because they usually link back to major life DECISIONS in the future.  Each of us are in control of these DECISIONS so we can potentially avoid the worst REGRETS by having a plan.  BUT WHAT are the DECISIONS we're most likely to REGRET?  A recent study in the United States found the most commonly reported REGRETS involved romance [19%], family [16%], education [14%], career [13%], finance [9%] and parenting [9%]💧💧💧

Experts recommend another way that we can learn about life's biggest REGRETS is to listen to those WHO care for the dying.  In the U.S., the carers for the old persons in hospice have that more holistic perspective because in their interaction with the hospice residents, they would listen first hand unfiltered narratives about the various sharings about REGRETS.  Listening to those narratives:

• I WISH I'D HAD THE COURAGE TO LIVE A LIFE TRUE TO MYSELF , NOT THE LIFE OTHERS EXPECTED OF ME.

• I WISH I HAND'T WORKED SO HARD.  
• I WISH I'D HAD THE COURAGE TO EXPRESS MY FEELINGS
• I WISH I HEEDED MY FAMILY'S ADVICE
• I WISH I WAS NOT THAT UNSELFISH AS I ENDED UP NEGLECTING MYSELF
• I WISH I PICKED UP AND LEARNED LESSONS FOR EACH ILL-ADVISED DECISION I MADE

So, WHAT leads to REGRETS?  Psychologists say that feelings of REGRET in the long-term are more likely for DECISIONS involving inaction.  That is, choosing NOT to do something.  Examples would be an overseas job offer you ignored because you DON'T want to be away from your family OR you wanted to ask a very important work-related question BUT decided to keep mum on it, until you fumbled in the task you processed at work.  All is NOT lost, however.  WHILE REGRETS are a fact of life, we can lower its probability if we take that high road in our DECISION-making✅✅✅

Thinking BIG? Fine, BUT Where Are You Now?

Thinking BIG?  Fine, BUT Where Are You Now?

Thinking BIG?  Fine, BUT Where Are You Now?  NOT to be blunt about DREAMS because DREAMING BIG & BIGTIME is very laudable.  Problem is if we face the harsh truth, a plurality, if NOT majority of us all,  we end up stalled and stuck in those BIG DREAMS with nary a significant progress to boot.  This brings us to our modest goal today, to share those TINY-TINY things we can adopt OR initiate.  And those TINY habits will NOT cost you anything in terms of monies.  And in terms of efforts to be exerted, the fact these are TINY habits, the efforts to be exerted will be very much minimal, if at all📗📙📘

MAKING SOMEONE's LIFE EASIER - Yes, this seems easier said than done.  Case in point.  In the past, when a team member seems to fumble at work, I'll question WHY?  These days, my retort is:  DO YOU NEED A TRAINING REFRESH?  

TASK LIST & PRIORITIZATION - NO task list and NO priorities?  You'll be dead in the water.  Next question is:  HOW to prioritize?  Push on top of the list the HIGH-IMPACT tasks requiring the least OR minimal efforts

WATCH YOUR TASK LIST - It's NOT just about having a TASK LIST & PRIORITIES.  WHAT IF often you DON'T complete 80% to 90% of your tasks & priorities?  WHAT it means you need to tweak the way you do your TASK LIST & PRIORITIES.  At the end of the day, RESULTS matter and no less than that.

NEVER SHOOT FROM THE HIP - Take time to reach on informed decisions.  DECISIONS arising from emotions is a NO-NO

STRESS MANAGEMENT - STRESSED in a task?  Figure it out and fix it ASAP.  STRESSED at work.  Figure out WHY and face it frontally.  If it is a task, is it because you were ill-prepared for it?  Can you request for a buddy OR mentoring?  

EXCESS MANAGEMENT - anything in EXCESS is a NO-NO.  EXCESS eating.  EXCESS alcohol/smoking.  EXCESS social life.  EXCESSIVE & frivolous spending.  If you need to CUT IT DOWN, CUT & CUT CLEAN

Our takeaway:  NEVER DREAM to live a problem-free life.  If you need to RESET your expectations in life, please do RESET.  And much as it is so good to AIM HIGH, be wary of the attendant risks to AIM HIGH because of the higher risk of failing to attain such lofty goals.  Where possible, endeavor to be pragmatic in life.  If you got a hundred issues and problems, can you scrape at least the 10% fraction that will need the least efforts and resource [including time] you can spend on it?  Shedding off 10% may look like scratching the surface but look at it from any perspective, 90% is lower than 100%.  So, YES, you can THINK BIG but WHAT matters is HOW far and HOW fast can you progress😐😐😐

That Cycle of LEARNING, EXPERIMENTING, IMPROVING...

That Cycle of LEARNING, EXPERIMENTING, IMPROVING...

WHEN was the last time you yourself OR probably the kids around clamoring for MORE milk, then MORE cereals, then the cycle keeps looping.  That's the parallelism in our life where we have That Cycle of LEARNING, EXPERIMENTING, IMPROVING.  You might be curious and ask stoically, CAN WE HAVE THAT LOOP GROUND TO A HALT?  Noooooo sirrrrrrs, it can't, precisely because it is a loop.  This is precisely WHAT life is.  Much as we preach that learning is a lifelong process, things DON'T start and end there.  there is the experimentation where we try things out, if it works OR not.  Once we get it right, constant fine-tuning is a MUST-DO📘📙📗

BUT, as a word of caution, NOT everything will be constant.  To be 'spot on', during your school age, you'll probably spend 90% of your time and efforts for LEARNING and by the time you leave the portals of your school, this is when EXPERIMENTATION kicks in.  You would try and test some theories learned in school.  And DON'T feel downhearted if in your initial tries, you will FAIL more times than SUCCEEDING💧💧💧

And then as you plunge into the job market, you will realize that you're getting a better handle of things.  BUT before you slacken and rest to take a break from this lifecycle, it WON'T take long before you got to rise up from slouching because there are things to be either corrected or improved on.  And to top it all, on a regular basis, it behooves that you revisit the LEARNING phase to either REFRESH your skills OR even UPSKILL yourself.  In fact, in the corporate world, our onboarding process is quite stringent, such that, you got to complete a comprehensive Knowledge Training [KT] Plan as a measure of your READINESS to finally roll up your sleeves at work💥💥💥

And if ever in get into a tight situation, we need to be constantly aware that we were gifted the human experience to be able to feel a wide range of emotions.  And if you were a spiritual being, and had the opportunity to come to Earth and experience all kinds of emotions for a brief period, both POSITIVE and NEGATIVE, will you be willing to take it?  Frankly, through the years, this is HOW I guided myself through those super-duper tough times a lesser soul would have succumbed and given up.  Indeed, along the way, we will be picking up lessons and the challenge is for us to take it all as OPPORTUNITIES😀😀😀

Our takeaway:  There are certain LIFE LESSONS that we all receive, some of which are REALITY CHECKS that are purely based on our journeys and perceptions.  However, some truths and LIFE LESSONS are more generalized and we should all learn and accept them at some point in our lives for us to have an enriching experience.  In the worst times you get hit with hard challenges, always think that the WORLD IS NOT AGAINST YOU.  As hard as this is to believe sometimes, the energy just DOESN'T work that way.  It may seem you're swimming against the current BUT you CAN'T expect a journey to be that straight, right?  THAT CYCLE OF LEARNING, EXPERIMENTING, IMPROVING will go on and on💦💦💦

Just Stop OVERTHINKING, Period

Just Stop OVERTHINKING, Period

This is NOT the first time we'd like to touch on OVERTHINKING but sadly, these difficult times call for us to revisit this, albeit with no extreme urgency BUT of utmost importance to our daily lives.  For alignment, Google defines OVERTHINKING as those moments WHEN you dwell on OR worry about the same thing repeatedly.  People WHO OVERTHINK can be paralyzed by their worries and may even end up to struggle in arriving at an informed decision or to take action.  Can we Just Stop OVERTHINKING???

In my earlier piece, I recall highlighting OVERTHINKING as one of life's frustrating PARADOXES, i.e. THE MORE WE THINK, THE LESS WE WILL DO OR ACT ON IT and I firmly believe this is less debatable.  Much as many of us are aware of this situation, experts confirm that OVERTHINKING itself is NOT a mental illness symptom OR manifestation.  That should ease up for those [STILL] in denial💧💧💧

WHAT somehow complicates this seemingly simple concern is the fact that, according to psychologists, OVERTHINKING is more associated with conditions like depression, anxiety, eating disorders and YES, substance use.  And rumination can be common in people WHO have chronic pain and chronic illness as well, taking the form of NEGATIVE THOUGHTS about that pain and healing from it💦💦💦

There's a very interesting insight shared by experts here.  Sometimes, worry and rumination may trick the brain into associating itself with something beneficial OR productive.  The distorted understanding here is that like worry, for some people, the impression is that worrying shows that they care about something OR prepares them for the worst outcome so it can easily evolve in one's habit formation💥💥💥

Our takeaway?  Since this is a technical topic only experts have the full grasp, allow me to share the experts' advisories to stop OVERTHINKING:

• ACCEPT or DENY YOUR THOUGHTS - As thinking is a two-way street, it's on us to decide if we accept OR deny such thoughts
• RETRAIN YOUR BRAIN - Experts warn us that if our brain is left on its own, the brain will tend to OVERTHINK, so it's on us to retrain our brain like initiating a mind-clearing exercise.  Dude,  all is NOT lost on OVERTHINKING😄😄😄

Do We Embrace FAILURE?

Do We Embrace FAILURE?

FAILING is an inevitable part of life, BUT feeling like a FAILURE should NOT be the case.  Point is, we need to separate FAILING at something from feeling like you are a FAILURE.  That pair is NOT an apples-to-apples thing.  By NOT feeling like a FAILURE, it should lead us to be nursing hopes and be hopeful of bouncing back [either from embarrassment, rejection, OR humiliation.  So, the nagging question we got to resolve today is,  Do We Embrace FAILURE❓❓❓

Yessss dude, FAILURE has its HIDDEN benefits for us to reap, for us to cling on.  Sharing below are results from expert studies [so, it's NOT mine]:

• FAILURE forces us to be creative - WHY?  At work we may get frustrated after fumbling BUT after we take a moment to process our embarrassment, we can then look for new ways to get back on track

• FAILURE is both an OPTION + OPPORTUNITY.  Not to scare but every time we take a risk, failure is a possibility.  Visualizing many outcomes can get us past imagining every situation as a catastrophe and also acknowledging the need to do your best
• FAILURE is part of that path to SUCCESS - I guess this does NOT need a hard-sell.  FAILURES are ugly ones but identify lessons to value so that in your next attempt, you'll be over the hump📌📌📌
• 

From whichever perspective we look at FAILURE, once we feel humiliated OR embarrassed for failing, psychologists concluded in their studies that FAILURE transforms us to be kind and encouraging to others WHO 'crash and burn' during those moments of FAILURE and it brings a healthy perspective WHEN others are in a similar dilemma.  At this point, we are encouraged to BE brave, BE honest, be WILLING to help others💚💛💜

Our takeaway:  FAILURE is NOT a social or worse, a personal stigma.  It is a fact of life where NO ONE is exempt OR immune.  Let's do a roll call of all the famous SUCCESS stories and each of their unique narratives will have a common denominator and that is, they WON'T have SUCCEEDED without all the past FAILURES they had to endure.  There's NO shortcut dude, ONLY SURE CUTS😀😀😀

Biting MORE THAN What You Can Chew?

Biting MORE THAN What You Can Chew?

HOW OFTEN do we promise more than WHAT we can fulfill?  Dreaming way beyond the roof?  Working way beyond what your health can handle?  OR shopping till you drop dead till you end up with cashflow issues?  OR living an active social life sacrificing your commitments at work OR in business?  OR aggressively expanding your business prematurely?  OR spewing your anger on someone till it affects your health?  OR scrimping on your budget till you neglect your proactive health checks?  It's Biting MORE THAN What You Can Chew📗📙📘

Just one too many small-small debacles in life chronic enough.  BUT the biggest ASK to our own selves is, is this a concern?  An issue?  OR are all these NOT worth a fraction of our time and effort at all?  My quick retort is that there is NO ONE SIZE THAT FITS ALL.  Instead, let us take stock of things, slicing and dicing, breaking down with the end view of making an UNFILTERED assessment, doing a post-mortem because for chronic issues that have compounded.  Unless you cut down the serpent right on its very head💧💧💧

Now, before we dive into these murky waters, step back, look at the BIG PICTURE, and pin down on the LOW-HANGING fruits.  Amongst all your overruns, shortfalls OR overflows, WHAT and WHICH ones are easiest to fix?  And which mountains are the most steeped to climb?  Once you have split-up the whole lot based on the combination of complexities and implications + consequences in your life, your NEXT STEP is to peg a no nonsense FOCUS on the short list of LOW-HANGING fruits.  This is NOT to imply that for the remainder, you will simply sweep it under the carpet💥💥💥

As every personal situation is unique, there can be no apples-to-apples comparison for the collective dilemmas even between two persons.  Nevertheless, in practical terms, allow me to share my generic list of LOW-HANGING fruits:

• FINANCIALS - This is easier said than done.  Examples would be credit card bills becoming mile-long ones.  BUT if you want to overcome this even within a short-term. it's WILLPOWER
• WLB [Work-Life Balance] - As I articulated in a previous piece, this issue should NEVER be blamed to organizations [because no company can ever force one to work beyond his schedule, so, again, it's WILLPOWER😀😀😀

Our takeaway:  Regardless of the compounded complexities of the issues and problems in life that need to be sorted out [a.k.a. FIX], at the very least, if hypothetically you have a hundred problems that need FIXING, even on a quite conservative estimate, 20% to 30% of the whole lot can be around SIMPLE/MINOR in terms of complexity.  Clearing up [a.k.a. FIXING] those 20% to 30% should be a shot in the arm, a huge welcome relief from the tons of weight on one's shoulder.  So, dude, still BITING MORE THAN WHAT YOU CAN CHEW❓❓❓

Be Warned About PARADOXES In Life

Be Warned About PARADOXES In Life

Not to create an unnecessary scare BUT one fact we tend t overlook is that throughout our lifetime, there is a long list of PARADOXES BUT ironically, even if we are conscious about it, in our daily life, we tend to ignore it. Be Warned About PARADOXES In Life.  You might get back to me, DO WE DESERVE THIS WARNING?  YES and YES.  YES because likely, you're NOT consciously aware of some of the life-impacting ones and YES, because we owe it to share with you whatever fraction of wisdom we have in our blog💚💛💜

It's just that some of the most important TRUTHS in life are contradictory on the surface.  They seem like impossibilities and YET experience proves them to be obvious over and over again.  NOT UNTIL you look at it a bit deeper, beneath the surface contradictions that the real grains of wisdom start to surface.  Culling from tons of studies by experts, topping the list most of the time is WHEN we hate a trait in someone else, the more likely we will end up avoiding it yourself📗📙📘

Coming close to the heels is that paradox is that people WHO CAN'T TRUST CAN'T BE TRUSTED as well.  Experts highlight this human nature of people WHO tend to protect themselves from getting hurt by hurting others first.  NEXT, this is uber-popular:  The MORE you try to impress people, the less impressed they will be.  Got It?  You're with me here?  NEXT, this is interesting.  The more you FAIL, the more you will SUCCEED.  This is NO play of words BUT SUCCESS comes from improvement and improvement comes from FAILURE.  No shortcuts on this though💧💧💧

NEXT, if you're scared of something, there is good reason that the more you SHOULD do it.  Indeed there are things that scare you and the truth is they scare you because they are things that should be done.  NEXT, the more you learn, the more you realize HOW little you know.  Socrates, the great Greek Philosopher explained that every time you gain understanding, that even leads you to that path to ask more questions❗❗❗

Oh, this one is debatable.  THAT the less you care for others, the less you for yourself but sheer logic tells us that people treat people the way they treat themselves.  It may NOT be apparent on the outside BUT people WHO are cruel to the people around them are, IN FACT, cruel to themselves.  NEXT,  from a technology perspective, psychologists tell us that the more connected we get, the more isolated we feel.  Have you had those moments when, on a lazy weekend, you were exchanging messages via social media with your BFF till it was dinner time, you got take shower till you got to hit the sack.  And when you were finally in bed, you tried to message your BFF again BUT she's offline.  ISN'T it the more you will then feel isolated? So, dude, let's increase our awareness for this shortlist of paradoxes in our life💥💥💥

Our Vulnerability To Extremism

Our Vulnerability To Extremism

Do agree that we're VULNERABLE To extremism?  BTW, our thread today has got NOTHING to do with anything relation to religion OR terrorism [although in the grand scheme of things, this is all-encompassing].  EXTREMISM in our personal life.  EXTREMISM in our work life.  EXTREMISM in our social life.  Even EXTREMISM in dealing with alcohol, drugs and smoking.  I myself, I would readily admit I am a bonafide EXTREMIST non-smoker and non-drug user.  In short, in our life, the pendulum takes a wide swing from the East Coast to the West Coast [or vice versa, whichever circumstance you are into].  So, for today, let's spend a bit of time with regard our VULNERABILITY TO EXTREMISM📗📙📘

Let's start at the workplace.  HOW often do we come across EXTREMISTs?  You got the workaholics and the lazy DAWGs.  BUT in the interest of time, let's NOT dissect the dilemma with regard the lazy DAWGs because theirs is a convoluted and complicated narrative.  Instead, let's sneak into the typical workaholic.  SKIPPING tea breaks.  SKIPPING bladder breaks.  Yessssss, even SKIPPING lunch.  Oh yes, how realistic is this scenario.  Their manager will [FINALLY] offer them FREE DINNER [hold on before you scream YEHHEYYYY] and them after dinner, he brings his team back to work till late evenings [all because of work overflows, pressing deadlines, WHAT ELSE IS NEW !@#$%?

So, are you an EXTREMIST from a work perspective?  If you are, then it's fair to tag you then as a workaholic.  BUT have you heard of an employee deep at work at night and then he woke up already in hospital?  Do read the Channelnewsasia piece about that @ IN FOCUS: Does Singapore need a law to help workers disconnect from their jobs? - CNA (channelnewsasia.com).  And the doctor's diagnosis?  Chronic overwork due to LOW BAD SUGAR!@#$%?

Common culprits?  Oh, due to PROJECT TIMELINES.  Oh, it's work overflow.  Oh, we're undermanned, under-staffed.  A long list of Oh-Oh-Oh's indeed.  Do we have a WAY OUT from this chronic situations?  Channelnewsasia calls it the RIGHT TO DISCONNECT.  To DISCONNECT from work and you need to focus on your personal life.  To DISCONNECT when there is an overflow that breaches the overlay area.  And in human resources best practice, this is WORK-LIFE BALANCE [WLB].   BUT hey, am I correct, we've been hearing WLB for donkey years now.  So, the question is, HOW'S THE SCORE till to date❓❓❓

Our takeaway:  Let us NOT blame either your workplace OR your work environment.  Thing is, if WLB is not consistently adopted within an organization, that's NOT the organization's fault [because likely, there are operational exigencies that trigger such work overflows].  WHAT should we do then?  Simple.  IF YOU CAN'T STAND THE HEAT, GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN.  Hopefully, that will reduce our VULNERABILITY to EXTREMISM💥💥💥

Do You OWE Anyone?

Do You OWE Anyone?

Do You OWE Anyone?  Other than monies, no sirrrrs, we DON'T OWE anyone.  We could hear those sad childhood narratives when as a child, he/she felt UNloved and UNaccepted whenever he/she disappointed his/her parents.  And then, that you feel LOVED only when you follow their rules and act according to their expectations??? Then, as you matured, you ended up [wrongly] thinking that it was your duty to PLEASE everyone and carry the weight of the world on your shoulders?  In the end, you [wrongly] concluded that your needs and wants DIDN'T matter as long as everyone else is happy📗📙📘

Fast-forward, years after, we would realize all those are UNTRUE.  In fact, you DON'T owe anyone anything.  And your only responsibility is to make sure your mental health and well-being are your priority and that's it.  So, let's call a spade a spade.  You have every right to put yourself first.  Period.  In fact and in truth, you DON'T owe anyone an explanation.  BTW, it does NOT matter WHAT others think.  All that matters is WHAT's true for you.  Your dreams are yours and you DON'T even need to justify them.  No one has the right to tell you WHAT's right OR wrong and nobody has the right to tell you that your dreams are impossible dreams and unreal.  No one because all that matters is the real score💧💧💧

Now, let's tackle real life 'realities'.  Sometimes, people seem doing you a favor and you thought, all that is happening in GOOD FAITH.  BUT the harsh truth is that they DON'T say it openly but truthfully, they are proposing a deal.  It's akin to 'YOU SCRATCH MY BACK, I'LL SCRATCH YOURS'.  Sadly [and frustratingly] they make you look at it as from their end, whew.  And then WHEN you least expect it, they will bring up WHAT they did for you.  OR worse, they will saddle you with obligations you never accepted in the first place.  People WHO act like that are hiding behind a false concept of GRATITUDE as they think that anytime they do someone a favor, there's that [implied] understanding that it will be reciprocated.  Really, a QUID PRO QUO❓❓❓

So, WHERE does the problem lie?  It lies with those people WHO act like that are hiding behind a FALSE concept of gratitude.  Problem is, they NEVER check WHETHER the other person thinks this way too.  They just show up to claim their favor OR expect you to do something for them, without even asking you.  And if you DON'T, they WON'T just feel offended.  The likelihood is they will vent their anger on you, feeling and ending up as the victim!  Too late in the day, though, you would realize that the favor was NOT a favor but rather a TRAP, a form of control & manipulation💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  Let's reconcile the huge disconnect that causes all the misalignments.  There are contexts WHERE it is clear that WHEN someone does you a favor, you then owe it back to them.  Politics is an example. It also happens at work.  If you cover for a colleague, you expect them to do the same to you in the future if you would need it.  In both examples, there is a factor that makes the equation transparent as they are favors between people with a practical relationship😀😀😀

Is Negativity Benign

Is Negativity Benign

Is Negativity Benign?  Regardless if it is benign OR not, NEGATIVITY is NOT welcomed OR recommended in our daily lives.  Complaining and venting only helped so that the NEGATIVE feelings lasted longer.  BUT studies by psychology experts offered a glimmer of hope that NEGATIVITY is NOT 100% bad after all📗📙📘

This is NOT to encourage NEGATIVITY around us but amongst others, the studies led to the following results:

• GRUMPY negotiators were more effective
• PESSIMISTIC married people were able to cope with problems and ended up with longer marriages than OPTIMISTIC ones
• Self-employed PESSIMISTS earned more than self-employed OPTIMISTS

To lookup at recent neuroscience studies, when we are grumpy, frustrated OR angry, that 'AMYGDALA' in our brain kicks in, sparking chemical signals that boost your heart rate and end up flooding your body with ADRENALINE.  All along, this is WHY we often hear that ADRENALINE RUSH.  In layman's terms, it is like we get fired up, our motivation increases, our determination increases, and it even encourages us to THINK OUT OF THE BOX.   A Social Psychology study showed that being kind of pissed off OR irritated resulted in coming up with more creative ideas💧💧💧

From a neuroscience perspective, experts share that your AMYGDALA interprets feelings of grumpiness, irritation OR anger as a sign of trouble and then, it 'deploys' chemical resources to help you deal with the situation.  And setting neuroscience aside, neutral psychologists have that 'PESSIMIST' model who foresees a bleak future ahead and as a result, prepares to brace for it.  So, instead of PESSIMISM shoving someone by the wayside, it challenges one to overcome and solve problems💥💥💥

Here's a cheat sheet from the experts.  Let us list a few things that frustrate us.  Your business.  Your investments.  OR maybe your shopping habits.  That simple act of listing things that make you grumpy will cause your AMYGDALA to marshal physical and cognitive resources to help you think of ways to improve your situation.  Yes dude, NEGATIVITY is benign😀😀😀