Our Life After Work Matters

Our Life After Work Matters

Many will proclaim that our life at work matters a lot.  I can't disagree on that BUT Our Life After Work Matters does matter maybe more than during those work hours.  BTW, before I proceed, this thread does NOT imply that we work less.  WHAT this thread tells us is that AFTER WORK, our hours can be impactful💴💷💵

Factually, our work does ADD VALUE to our life.  That's a non-issue.  BUT not much though as our life is built by WHAT we do after our WORK HOURS.  Even during that dreaded pandemic, most of us worked way beyond 8 hours.  And if we exclude our sleeping time, we still have roughly another 8 hours of FREE time left.  Now, let's uncork what studies show📗📙📘

Those extra 8 hours should be quite an insane amount of potential to open us up to more opportunities we can explore.  So, here's a frank question. In your FREE TIME, do you watch NETFLIX or do you hone your skills?  Now, to quote experts, 'A PRO PRIORITIZES ACCOMPLISHMENT OVER COMFORT'💊💊💊

Now let's step back.  WHEN we are working, we are working.  We are growing and making progress and finishing off our tasks or project[s].  That is absolutely correct.  BUT what if we use our FREE TIME [of 8 hours] to hone our skills?  And WHAT IF those things turn out to be an advantage for you?  Point is, WASTING TIME on shallow things and mindless entertainment guarantees us regret❎❎❎

Before I get mobbed, allow me to clarify that I'm NOT discouraging you to watch NETFLIX.  I myself, I do watch NETFLIX on average 1 hour a day but that DOESN'T constrain me from honing my skills.  HOW?  It is by remaining FOCUSED to what you plotted to achieve.  You need to be as tough as rigid as you can be to yourself because OUR LIFE AFTER WORK MATTERS❗❗❗

When It's ABOVE YOUR WEIGHT

When It's ABOVE YOUR WEIGHT

Many say that in a relationship, there is a 'REACHER' and a 'SETTLER', the former being someone who's landed someone out of their league and one who's made do with someone below theirs.  BUT recent studies show that partners/spouses who are roughly equally attractive have a better chance of staying together.  And it defies When It's ABOVE YOUR WEIGHT as you've probably seen movies where the nerdy guy gets the popular girl💴💷💵

And if you've watched SPIDERMAN or BACK TO THE FUTURE, they imply that you can OVERACHIEVE in the romance stakes.  BUT studies proved otherwise  as it suggests that those admittedly 'FEEL GOOD' cliche is probably best left in the cinema.  Other studies showed that people of corresponding and similar desirability were MORE LIKELY to be in a successful long-term relationship than, say, a flat-out 10 and a mediocre 5.  And how about that overly used tag for 'SOUL MATES', what does it really mean with 'SOUL MATES'.  Again, it all boils down to people with similar wavelengths📗📙📘

In a nutshell, whether one is PUNCHING ABOVE HIS/HER WEIGHT [or not], it all revolves around people's preferences and people's actions.  Surely, we have our 'ideal' image of the partner we dream in life BUT looking at someone desirable  may be impacted by societal norms.  In the shortest words, there is NO point asking someone what they look in a partner because likely they'll describe someone UNATTAINABLE💎💎💎

Let's step out of the confines of our room.  If you saw someone and you think she's a 10 [and you're NOT], DO YOU STILL HAVE A CHANCE?  Now how do we value our partner OR even a prospective one?  Well, the VALUE you place on a woman is based on the VALUE you place on yourself.  So, if you're dating a woman WHERE you think you're PUNCHING ABOVE YOUR WEIGHT, then it's likely you'll pedestal her and put yourself in the pit❎❎❎

Let's paint this scenario.  You're at the pub and a 'drop dead' woman walks in.  BTW, what's the first thing you'll tell yourself?  THAT "she's OUT OF MY LEAGUE'.  "I'LL NEVER GET A WOMAN LIKE THAT'.  In that case, you have made a decision about her that's just a reflection of your own sense of SELF-WORTH.  BTW, you have NO idea of what she thinks as you're deciding for him.  So, are you WHIMPING OUT OF THE RACE before finding out if you could win the trophy❓❓❓

Got A 'MEANING CRISIS'?

Got A 'MEANING CRISIS'?

Do you remember funky questions popping up your head randomly?  LIKE... WHAT's this all about?  WHAT am I doing with my life?  WHY do I need to do this?  Those are likely symptoms that you are either in the precipice of a 'MEANING CRISIS'? Indeed if you have more interrogative expressions like all these, they are tell-tale signs that you got a full-blown 'MEANING CRISIS' at hand💴💷💵

Without overblowing up things, in a 'MEANING CRISIS', we got to answer those questions bordering on MEANING and purpose, that is, if we really want our life to be meaningful, full of MEANING at that.  Knowing our MEANING, the very answers to the numerous WHYs, should lead us to a life that is suck-less📙📘📗

To quote an anonymous writer, 'IN SOME WAYS, SUFFERING CEASES TO BE SUFFERING AT THE MOMENT WE FIND A MEANING, SUCH AS THE MEANING OF SACRIFICE'.  Oh, I admit having heard that multiple times from people I know first hand, people WHO seemed to have transcended to a deeper level where they could have grasped and acquired.  So, you might get back to me and ask as to HOW do we cope with a 'MEANING CRISIS' in an endlessly estranged world💎💎💎

So, HOW can we figure out the question about the 'MEANING CRISIS' once we're left on our own?  Heard of shocking response we hear over and over again?  'WE SHOULD GIVE UP'. And when you challenge someone blurting out this way, he might step back and qualify that he/she DIDN''T mean that as GIVING UP on playing the game of life altogether. BUT more as GIVING UP on analyzing strategies.  Hey dude, GIVING UP is GIVING UP.  You DON'T need to sugar-coat it for you to backpedal.  Instead, crack on your 'MEANING CRISIS'❗❗❗

Now, as we walk along our path, sometimes against the streak of sunlight causing us to get a blurred vision of our journey, would you rather continue walking or doing something because it was assigned or asked to you.  And yet, whether you're able to accomplish it OR not does NOT really matter to you because either way, there is NO MEANING into it?  C'mon dude, grab this 'MEANING CRISIS' and face it head-on.  NO other way than that for a meaningful life✅✅✅

Hard Problems, Anyone?

Hard Problems, Anyone?

No sirrrrs, I'm NOT putting up a false front as a Mr FIX IT, not at all.  Instead, we'd like to share common [and proven] practices to handle Hard Problems, if at all.  BUT hey, this is life, we face PROBLEMS everyday no matter how perfect we think we and our life are.  PROBLEMS are there and they aren't going anywhere UNLESS we face them and FIX it💴💷💵

Acknowledging our problems, solving them, and getting on with our life is better than making it all a BIG DEAL.  Frankly, if I realize something early in life, it's that PROBLEMS should NOT become a source of our sorrow, hurt and worst, grief.  WHEN getting on with our life, we may encounter plenty of barriers and issues that may distract us from our real path.  Sometimes, we DON'T have our full potentials to deal with the issues BUT if we know WHAT we are dealing with, we can do better.  Once we have a clear perspective of WHAT problems we have in our life, there is an absolutely high probability that we can deal with them in a much better way📗📙📘

NOT to dampen hopes or darken the horizons, it's best that we rattle off the most common problems in life so that IF [with crossed fingers] it hits us, we WON'T like fall off from our chair.  HEALTH CRISIS is one.  There just comes a time in our life when we or someone within our family is NOT healthy💎💎💎

WORKPLACE issues.  For it to happen, it's just normal.  There is just NOTHING perfect.  NEW organization.  NEW colleagues.  NEW client.  NEW project,  You just got to face an issue head-on.  EMPTINESS?  Yes, let's admit it.  Now and then, our life becomes dull, seemingly unproductive [although we think we're productive enough] and sometimes, we get a feeling that there is NOTHING we can change.  And that leads to EMPTINESS❎❎❎

FAILURE.  Whew, this could be one of the worst problems ever.  FAILURE is something we got to learn dealing with because this is a FACT OF LIFE.  BUT trust me, we should be able to face [and even contain] FAILURE by accepting it and MOVING ON.  FINANCIAL CRISIS may also knock us off from time to time.  C'mon, even if you thought you're READY enough financially, there will be BAD TIMES when it will hit you [sometimes HARD].  HARD PROBLEMS?  Should be 'NO PROBLEM.  BEEN THERE.  DONE THAT'❗❗❗

Stay The Course

Stay The Course

In the midst of changes that get into our life, sometimes we do slip off the course , it happens.  A few things ed to this slip but more often, the biggest culprit is our own thinking.  Let us watch our thoughts, no matter how resilient we are, life can steer off course within a matter of seconds, IF we are NOT careful.  Regardless, we got to try to Stay The Course💷💴💵

C'mon, CHANGE brings CHALLENGES.  No one hands us our DREAM LIFE on a silver platter.  It just DOESN'T work that way.  It can be a real struggle and likely we will encounter opposition along the way.  Years back, I made HUGE changes in my life, working through personal issues and leaving my home country.  CHANGE is a process.  Deciding to CHANGE our life is the first step, doing it is the second, and the third is to Stay The Course📙📘📗

So what do we do in the midst of CHANGES in our life?  Primero, from my personal experience, try to RESIST THE URGE TO CHANGE THE NEXT ADRENALINE RUSH.  Building the life we want takes time and it's NO longer about quick thrills that give you an ADRENALINE RUSH.  We do all like the buzz of something NEW and EXCITING but after a while, the 'DRUG WEARS OFF' and we're back to FEELING ORDINARY again❌❌❌

Now, here's a tough one.  FILTER OUT all possible distractions.  That is crucial enough.  It's time to streamline your thoughts and actions.  It calls for FOCUS.  Look for that ENERGY leaks in your life.  Anything that's draining your ENERGY needs to be examined.  Start with your home and office.  How tidy is it?  Do you hoard things?  When was the last time you cleared your closet✅✅✅

In your COMPASS in LIFE, you got to learn from others BUT do your own thing.  Usually, CHANGES involves gaining new knowledge and skills.  You need to learn from those who are doing WHAT you want to do.  BUT, once you gain the basic skills and knowledge, you need to put your own stamp on it.  Stay true to yourself for if you start to copy others, you will lose that creativity.  To STAY THE COURSE is not a steep mountain to climb❗❗❗

The Randomness Of Life

The Randomness Of Life

I DON'T intend to resurface that dreaded 9/11 attacks that caused almost 3,000 deaths [to be precise, 2,977 victims + the 19 hijackers].  Enough of that though.  Instead, the 9/11 memory brings me back that story about Elise O'Kane, the United Airlines flight attendant whose life got saved all because of The Randomness Of Life💴💷💵

That time, Elise O'Kane wanted her usual flight from Boston to Los Angeles on 09.11.2001.  BUT when she logged into their system, she keyed in an incorrect code into the airline's computer system and ended up assigned to the wrong flight [instead of Flight UA 175].  Then Elize O'Kane tried other attempts to talk it out with other flight attendants to get assigned to Flight UA 175.  All those became efforts in futility NOT until the hijackers struck Flight UA 175 right to the World Trade Center's South Tower.  That typo error saved the life of Elize O'Kane, THANK YOU LORD📗📙📘

Fast forward today, Elize O'Kane, after taking the time to consider what such a meaningful PLAN might be, she eventually switched career to become a nurse, feeling a 'NEED TO GIVE BACK and FULFILL HERSELF'.  On the other hand, Marco DeMarco, an emergency-service officer with the New York Police Department at that time had a different take on his own survival in the World Trade Center.  To quote him: 'WHY DID I GET OUT?  IF I HAD MADE A RIGHT INSTEAD OF A LEFT, IF I HAD BEEN TWO MINUTES SLOWER', likely he would have NOT survived 9/11💎💎💎

Given those 'miracle stories', do we then subscribe to the RANDOMNESS of LIFE?  NO sirrrrrs, let us PLAN by default.  Let us NOT subscribe to the RANDOMNESS of LIFE because that's NOT the way to LIVE LIFE.  So you might challenge me, WHY PLAN?  DON'T look far.  Let's just read and hear thousands of stories like the stories of O'Kane and DeMarco as they overwhelm us by the unfair RANDOMNESS of LIFE❌❌❌

Those epochal circumstances and fatal OR life-saving decisions so ordinarily meaningless that it's simultaneously easy to see either the 'supernatural guiding hand of a higher power' OR is it the sheer banality of CHANCE?  Suffice it to say that psychologists say that our brains SEEK PATTERN and PURPOSE.  And those traits do evolve to detect CAUSE and EFFECT.  It is very common for us to believe that 'EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON' and that things are 'MEANT TO BE' but that should enlighten us that we are more likely to believe that significant events were 'FATED' than to attribute them to chance.  Let's take a leaf from SUPER MARIO, the main hero of the Mushroom Kingdom.  He's always bright and cheerful but you WON'T see the RANDOMNESS of LIFE in him❗❗❗

WHAT IF You're Not Invited To The Party?

WHAT IF You're Not Invited To The Party?

WHAT IF You're Not Invited To The Party?  Oh yes, indeed it is a tough situation to never get invited to anything.  It would make you feel LEFT OUT, and it will be much harder for you to get into that 'CIRCLE' that gives the misguided impression of exclusivity.  And as terrible as the situation is, there are a lot of things we can do to ensure we get 'pulled in' in various ways and means the next time around💴💷💵

NOT all of that can be your fault though.  There will always be a lot of external factors that fall into play as well.  BUT here's a bright note to an otherwise gloomy horizon.  While there are things that are way BEYOND your CONTROL, there are things you can ACTUALLY change.  And that's WHAT and WHERE we should focus on.  Of course you need to do some real soul-searching like and you'll be surprise that by embedding some of these very obvious observations📗📙📘

And the most obvious reason is we may NOT be that close enough with the people around us.  Let's face it, sometimes we expect to be INVITED to join a 'circle' BUT since we DON'T have a 'concrete relationship' with those around us, it never crosses the minds of others to ever INVITE us, if at all💎💎💎

Sometimes, personalities come into play.  Like WHAT IF others [wrongly] perceive us as 'NOT FUN TO BE AROUND'.  As terrible as it may sound, let's admit it that there are people WHO never give INVITED to anything because they're "UNFUN' to be around.  Who knows we were once INVITED in the past BUT they felt they sucked the life and FUN OUT OF THE ROOM❎❎❎

So, WHAT do we do IF/WHEN we're NOT invited in a social circle or social event?  Experts advise us to be MORE APPROACHABLE.  Rather than look at the fault of others, ask ourselves to exert efforts to be MORE APPROACHABLE.  And when body language comes, we need to manifest that 'OPENNESS'.  And here's a tough one. Let's be MORE OPTIMISTIC.  If that is something we're NOT used to doing, we'll need to start getting used to it [from now on].  Start seeing things positively and eventually, that will rub off on others' perspective of you.  And from that point onwards, it's NOT far-fetched for the stars to get aligned  ✅✅✅

BAD Habits Are More Than Just A Menace

BAD Habits Are More Than Just A Menace

We're just human and therefore, committing mistakes is as normal as day and night.  BUT studies have shortlisted the top BAD HABITS that Are More Than Just A Menace and out of the top, studies have single out the worst ever BAD HABITS that all add up as paving the way for one to FAIL.  In brief, there is NO single factor causing us to FAIL💴💷💵

Indeed we have all worked with people WHO are star performers BUT have one serious personality shortcoming that makes life difficult for everyone OR limits their effectiveness OR often proves to be their own undoing.  Examples are, one person tends to take on too much work, another scorns the 'behind-the-scene' politicking needed to win support for his/her initiatives OR someone sees a downside in every proposed CHANGE.  To quote one of the executives surveyed in a recent research, '95% BRILLIANT, 5% DISASTER'.  We call those destructive behaviors as "BAD HABITS" as a short way of referring to our deeply-rooted flaws📗📙📘

As no one is perfect, we all wrestle with demons and make mistakes.  BUT we're NOT using this to describe compulsions like smoking or nail biting.  BUT again let's admit that 'BAD HABITS' are a central part of one's personalities.  And at best, people tend to create their own 'GLASS CEILINGS', limiting their success and their contributions.  What's quite bothering is the reason why each of us have our respective 'BAD HABITS' and the obvious reason [as per studies] is our inability to understand the world from the perspective of other people.  It's the lack of empathy, period💎💎💎

Having a well-developed sense of empathy is essential if one is to deal successfully with one's peers.  Another common reason is our failure to recognize WHEN and HOW to use power as many people feel a deep ambivalence about the utility and value of power.  These feelings often stem from unconscious fears of our capacity for destructiveness❎❎❎

And sometimes, it is due to our failure to come to terms with authority. as children, we often rebel against our parents even as we want to remain under their protection.  Some people get stuck at one of the extremes.   At one end are those WHO defy authority in every possible instance.  At the other end are those WHO are overly deferential.  Lastly, it's our NEGATIVE SELF-IMAGE.  Poor esteem can come from various factors.  Some people feel pressure from our achievement-driven culture.  Indeed, BAD HABITS are more than just a menace❗❗❗

What's Ailing Our Goal Targets?

What's Ailing Our Goal Targets?

Honestly, many of us DON'T have problems with goal-setting.  From that goal-setting perspective, everything looks PICTURE PERFECT.  So, WHAT'S really going on?  What's Ailing Our Goal Targets? The thing is, everyone of us are literally caught in a CYCLE.  It's the time of the year again.  The CYCLE never gets old.  Let me guess.  You're looking back the past year, the trials and tribulations.  AGAIN❓❓❓

Then a new year looms in.  Then your optimism spikes, SO convinced that this 2024 will be different [and BETTER!@#$%?].  Again, thinking up a GOAL is the easy part.  Pinpointing the specifics of a GOAL, developing a plan of action and then following through with that plan of action and pushing past the inevitable obstacles that will arise is a different story altogether.  It would be easy to blame people's avoidance of PAIN when they fail in their GOALS📗📙📘

Most experts speak with one voice when they single out our human propensity to SHIFT FOCUS from reward to effort.  Thinking about the END RESULT and achieving the victory of reaching the GOAL is exciting.  And it is very common to see us [and that includes moi too!] start things out full of ENERGY and MOTIVATION at the beginning because our FOCUS is on the END RESULT💎💎💎

BUT here's the UNDOING.  Psychologists claim that there is a DISCONNECT with our brain's FOCUS before we start our GOALS and after we actually begin.  Before we start putting the work in, we're so FOCUSED on the REWARD.  Then, slowly BUT surely, we begin to FOCUS more on the effort it takes to get that REWARD.  Key is to redirect our FOCUS back to the REWARD✅✅✅

The next most common miss we offer suffer the brunt of is when GOALS are either NOT clearly defined or simply unrealistic.  Perhaps you want to be the next YouTube star and that's great as there's nothing wrong about it.  BUT how do you plan to make that happen unless it's just a wishy-washy fantasy.  So please let us revisit WHAT'S AILING OUR GOAL TARGETS❗❗❗

Comparison Is The THIEF of JOY

Comparison Is The THIEF of JOY

Is it ture that Comparison Is The THIEF of JOY?  Me thinks YES.  BUT not for us to get despaired because studies do share how we can avoid being caught in that TRAP.  To borrow a common expression of hikers in North America's Appalachian Mountains:  HIKE YOUR OWN HIKE', that is, resist the urge to COMPARE how many miles you cover in a day how far other hikers are traveling.  Nevertheless, let's admit the urge to make comparisons is strong amongst us💴💷💵

Indeed, making COMPARISONS can be harmful and detract from our HAPPINESS.  Sadly, the ways we make COMPARISONS may give us a biased account of our own skills, experiences and capabilities.  Research shows that what underlies this dilemma is FOMO [that FEAR of MISSING OUT] and the sense that others have better social lives than ourselves do.  Apparently, quite many people feel that they spend more time ALONE, go to fewer parties and are part of fewer social circles than other people, including their close friends.  BUT apparently, the root cause of this is comparing oneself to highly visible and sociable people📗📙📘

Our common mistakes revolve around making biased comparisons in other domains, like when we compare ourselves to the fittest person, the best cook we know.  Unsurprisingly, this means that we feel that we fall short of others WHEN we evaluate our own fitness, our cooking and so on.  However, it's clear that WHO we compare ourselves to matters, is something we can control💎💎💎

To quote social cognitive psychologists, their studies show that WHEN we want to feel better about ourselves, we make COMPARISONS to people worse off than we are [or even think of ways that things might have been worse than they are].  WHEN we want to improve, though, we COMPARE ourselves to people WHO are better than we are❌❌❌

This becomes especially effective if we COMPARE ourselves to people we feel like we can realistically become.  In short, COMPARISONS can be the THIEF OF JOY but studies are giving us antidotes.  Primero, recognize that you're likely using an unrealistic target when evaluating yourself.  Segundo, consider WHAT you're trying to achieve when making a COMPARISON.  Tercero, if COMPARISONS have you feeling down, spend some time thinking about POSITIVES, hoping you'll realize that in general, people are NO BETTER THAN YOU❗❗❗