When Changing Yourself is NOT Enough

When Changing Yourself is NOT Enough

Ooops this could be a controversial thread to touch but if it's worth it, why not?  Because CHANGE seems to be one of the most casual topics to discuss, let me convince you why this thread is worth it.  It's because many of us attempted and tried to CHANGE from the most petty to the most embedded CHANGE in our life.  End result?  Sixty percent of studies show that such CHANGES failed.  Why?  For various reasons, such CHANGES failed and when it failed, we need to realize what ails us When Changing Yourself is NOT Enough because we cannot leave things as it is when we can read the tea leaves all over the place.

In this challenging and nerve-wracking world, for exigency and for obvious reasons, we expect and need others to change but the caveat here is that for us to keep egging others to push with their own change, more often, there is an endemic need for us to change from within as well.  But diving into this ticklish issue, we need to drill and dice as to why we're facing that resistance to change, even from within ourselves.

Many of us dream to be like SUPERMAN but what have we done for us to deserve replicating that SUPERMAN dream?  So what causes us to resist change?  First off, when the reason for change is UNCLEAR [even to your own self].  Classic example are those who strongly believe the current way of doing things works well.  So you got flip that mindset before even dreaming about CHANGE.  Next, most of us FEAR the UNKNOWN and this is one of the most common reasons for resistance to CHANGE.  Then, that LACK of COMPETENCE creeps in.  With human nature, we seldom admit that if at all.  

Another stumbling block is being CONNECTED to the 'OLD WAYS'.  Being hostaged by old and hackneyed practices requires tremendous amount of effort to swing aroung even oneself.  And then comes LOW TRUST.  If and when you DON'T believe that you can competently manage a CHANGE, forget it.  You're TOAST.  Then that FAD mindset comes in when people think CHANGE is a FAD.  Then you'll have a problem at hand no less.  And how about when you reach that point of either saturation or exhaustion?  When we are overwhelmed by continuous CHANGE, we tend to go with the flow but within our heart, our motivation is LOW.

Yesirssssss IF YOU NEED to HELP YOURSELF, go HELP yourself   Overcome that resistance to change that can stem from perceptions that CHANGE is the last thing to do.  If you yourself feel that you will end up in a worse situation at the aftermath of a CHANGE, then it is highly unlikely that you can even get your own buy-in to CHANGE.  If you yourself is offering that hard core resistance to CHANGE, swing over to the BENEFITS and REWARDS of a CHANGE so you can see things crystal clear enough 📌📌📌

Haste Makes Waste, REALLY ?

Haste Makes Waste, REALLY ?

Haste Makes Waste, REALLY ?  Hoping that this won't be a hard sell, let me mention a research study from Vanderbilt University which study points everything to our brain.  To quote Professor Jeffrey Schall, our brain switches into a special mode when pushed to make rapid decisions.  The study says that if we can understand how our brain changes when we are pushed to respond faster, we have gone a long way to understand it.

Numerous behavioral and brain-mapping studies have supported that model which states that the brain uses the same basic model to make both deliberate and rapid decisions.  In order to shorten the decision-making time, our brain simply reduces the cumulative amount of neuronal activity it requires before making a decision.  Because the brain must make a snap decision based on less information than it uses for slower decisions, the likelihood that it will make mistakes increases.  Although it is easy to set up tests with human subjects that prompt them to switch between 

SPEEDY and ACCURATE decision-making, the method for measuring human brain activity do not have the required speed or resolution.  Scientists even developed a method for teaching monkeys to switch back and forth between FAST and ACCURATE decision-making in a task that involved picking out a target from an array of objects presented on a computer screen.  In one experimental condition, monkeys learned that only accurate responses would be rewarded.  In another condition, they learned that making some mistakes was acceptable as long as the decisions were fast.  In situations where we need to act fast, in order to act correctly, it's like being fast to hit the buzzer first.  But note that BUZZING and answering incorrectly is bad, but being slower than the other constant means you will never earn a reward.

That scenario departs from that standing theory that the brain uses the same process for all types of decisions.  To quote Professor Schall, that 'really flies in the face of what we thought we knew about decision-making.  Let's look at those game shows where the #1 criterion is to hit the buzzer first before giving the answer.  And although identical information is presented

to the brain, it gets analyzed differently under speed stress than under accuracy stress.  So why are we harping till now that Haste Makes Waste?  It is because when a mistake entails dire consequences but there are many situations in life when the cost of NOT acting is higher than making an ERROR in JUDGMENT.  With haste, the quality of decisions and outputs would end up compromised because our brains get more focused on SPEED at the expense of ACCURACY ❗❗❗

TRYING is NO Better than GETTING

TRYING is NO Better than GETTING

Who says and claims that TRYING is not that bad an effort ? Tell that to the marines because they will all dump that out the window.  In fact and in truth, TRYING is just the first step but the reason why it is NO Better than GETTING is because more often [and almost all studies have proven this correct] we would likely end up EMPTY HANDED when TRYING whereas when our mindset is focused towards GETTING something, the likelihood is that we will GET what we wanted to GET.  There's quite a circuitous explanation why indeed TRYING is NO Better than GETTING.

if you are an ardent believer that TRYING is really that acceptable, let us browse through this poster.  Do you want your pilot to TRY landing the plane?  Do you want your brain surgeon to TRY to be careful?  Do you want your wife to TRY to give birth to your baby?  

The famous American author Tony Robbins has gone to great lengths to explain why TRYING DOESN'T WORK.  Point is, when we say we are trying, we don't really have to do anything.  It also provides us with an EXCUSE for why we didn't accomplish the outcome we all wanted.  Where's the difference ?  It's either we do something or we don't do it.  Trying is really the same as NOT doing it.  It just makes it easier for us to let ourselves off the hook when we fail.

So what are we really TRYING?  TRYING to get in shape?  TRYING to improve a relationship?  TRYING to make more Sales Calls?  TRYING to improve your standing and credibility in the workplace?  Unfortunately, these 'TRYING' statements is like a parachute being readied so that when we fail, we can claim that we were TRYING?  So how?  DON'T ever use the word TRY.  While language is subtle, the words we use can program us to perform certain ways.  Using the wrong language can create an outcome we DON'T intend.  TRY is a worthless word that accomplishes nothing.  

Very true.  HARD WORK is NOT ENOUGH TO SURVIVE.  But that's a food for thought for now.  Meanwhile, DECIDE EITHER TO DO or NOT.  If you DON'T want to do something, fine.  DON'T do it.  but DON'T pretend that TRYING is the same as DOING or GETTING as they are completely different.  Lastly, COMMIT 100% to the OUTCOME you want.  Play FULL OUT.  DON'T quit.  DON'T settle for merely TRYING when you should be DOING and GETTING things done 📌📌📌

Circumstances DO NOT Make a Man, They Reveal Him

Circumstances DO NOT Make a Man, They Reveal Him

Optimists would claim that Circumstances Make a Man.  I beg to disagree because the circumstances itself DO NOT make a man. But instead, these circumstances will reveal that man.  Even the poet John Donne wrote that poem referring to mankind's intrinsically connected nature.  Despite his original intention, that poem also serves as an excellent illustration of man's dependency upon his culture to define him.  No man is an island unto himself and no man can be evaluated independent of the things which define his culture.  

A Samurai raised in Japan would not hold the same value as feudal Japan.  The circumstance surrounding a man's existence and placement in society are instrumental in defining him.  A person's value is ultimately dictated by their respective culture.  And that culture is ultimately a conglomeration of circumstances which have been grouped into the things that signify it.  If Bill Gates had been born two hundred years earlier on in a ranch in Texas, we would not remember him as such a great innovator because the skills he possessed wouldn't have made him a great man in a ranching society.

Ouch, this one-liner hurts but it's true.  When we get squeezed, the real YOU comes out.  When we feel the pressure, the true YOU surfaces.  So, we got to buckle down and really agree how should we handle pressure.  When this Covid pandemic broke out almost two years ago from today, we were all thrown off-guarded.  So, let's come down to brass tactics so we can have a good handle of PRESSURE.  First off, IDENTIFY YOUR TRIGGERS.  What causes you to get pressured ?  Is it when you see in your email inbox there is an email from your boss ?  Or is it when your cash flow starts to dry up ?

Those TRIGGERS could be issues that come out regularly. Or it could be one-off events like taking an exam or moving house.  Or it could be stressful events like serious problems in the workplace.  Next off, address some of the causes  Although there will probably lots of things in your life that you can't do anything about, there might be some practical ways you could do resolve or improve some of the issues that that are putting pressure on you.

To cap things all, this is non-negotiable.  We need to ACCEPT THE THINGS WE CANNOT CHANGE.  Oh well, it's never easy but accepting that there are some things happening to you that you probably can't do anything about will help you focus your time and energy more productively.  As an icing on the cake, let us endeavor to develop our RESILIENCE, which is not just your ability to bounce back but also your capacity to adapt in the face of challenging circumstances ⌛⏳⌛

We Do NOT Need a Recipe, Do We ?

We Do NOT Need a Recipe, Do We ?

We Do NOT Need a Recipe, Do We ?  From the time we popped out into this world, from our forefathers, grandparents down to our parents and relatives, recipes were tossed upon us.  Recipes for success, be it a successful career person, doctor or entrepreneur.  And no doubt those recipes for success were indeed a BIG HELP for us
 

But hold on, would we all agree that quite often, when a recipe becomes a BIG HIT, the next question we would hear is "WHO's THE CHEF", right ?  And why do we hear that, instead of us digging into the ingredients of the dishes ?  Simple.  In life, behind every success is a name, a person.  If there are still miracles in our worldly confines, let's set them apart because that's for the Vatican to validate during the sainthood process.  Otherwise, miracles are not part of success.

In essence, yes we all need a RECIPE for SUCCESS but let us get it embedded within us that the very first ingredient of our RECIPE for SUCCESS is us our very own self.  No amount of recipe can bring us forward than us being in the driver's seat.  It's us who will be steering our car along the road.  You could have gone through the best driving lessons and you could have logged 100,000 miles of driving.  But does that make you the driver guaranteed to reach the destination in true fashion ?  No sirrrrs.  You gotta grind damn hard for you to claim a piece of bragging rights and beat your chest when you finally hit pay dirt.

Surprisingly, many people find things challenging taking the first concrete step forward.  That becomes such a big hurdle for so many people but getting started is surprisingly simple, and that is, put one foot in front of the other and the next thing you know, you're moving and as we all know, a body in motion tends to stay in motion.

In a nutshell, often times we lose sight of the most basic ground rules towards that path to success.  Having your end goal CLEARLY DEFINED tops the list.  And while most of us get motivated at the start when EXCITEMENT hovers all over, CONSISTENCY will create the conviction. Goals ?  Set that bar higher than yesterday, than last year.  And DON'T DEVIATE and finally, start from where you are and build that foundation 📌📌📌

When You FAIL Your Test

When You FAIL Your Test

We all went through the wringer a zillion times, from the most petty tests down to driving tests and over to the nerve-wrenching tests which could have hit us either within our relationships or at the workplace or if you are an entrepreneur, at your business.  So, the question is NOT When You FAILED Your Test but instead, how did you handle when you faced the most serious tests in life and YOU FAILED ?  It has been proven over and over again that the hardest part in life is not when we go through a serious, major or critical test but rather, how did we handle things in the aftermath after we have FAILED our test 

Oh, we all have our fair share of bad days and weeks when nothing just seems to go right.  We also have times when we fail to achieve something that we really wanted and find it hard to cope.  Having said this, some people seem much more able to pick themselves up and dust themselves down after these experiences than others.  Note however that these people are NOT 'better' in any way.  

They have simply developed some positive habits and skills that help them to overcome failure and turn it into a more positive experience.  In fact, they use failing as a way to learn and improve.  UNDERSTANDING FAILURE is key.  Even Rudyard Kipling was famously quoted: 'SUCCESS AND FAILURE ARE TWO SIDES OF THE SAME COIN.

Whatever happens, you have to PICK YOURSELF UP and MOVE ON.  If we go by sports competitions, when we fail in an event, especially a major event at that, the failure can be utterly devastating.  It creates a similar impact if that failure happens in the workplace when you were angling either for a pay rise or a promotion only to see a colleague leapfrog you, whew

In brief, how do we handle failure ?  RECOGNIZE it and ACCEPT your EMOTIONS.  Next, DON'T ever take it as PERSONAL.  Third, DON'T even think of what anyone else thinks.  Next, just take the RIGHT AMOUNT of RESPONSIBILITY.  And with that failure, use it as a reason to kick your butt, to motivate you.  Thing is, DON'T think of failure as a failure.  Instead, think of it as life's way of showing you that you need to improve.  In particular, ask yourself WHAT YOU COULD HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY ✅✅✅

Why Does the Picture Get Blurred ?

 Why Does the Picture Get Blurred ?

Why Does the Picture Get Blurred ?  Surely, everyone has the answer for this.  Regardless of your phone, whether it is the high-end iPhone 13 or the lowest budget phone, the answer for this question is a no-brainer.  The answer is because the camera lens is not IN FOCUS and there is no other answer to it.  In short, this is a classic example of a CAUSE and EFFECT.  Where the camera is not FOCUSED, it gets BLURRED.

Last night, we were visiting our relatives and right next to our nephews, this was exactly what we harped over and over again.  We were encouraging them to improve on their FOCUS so that things don't get BLURRED.  With the blurred picture as a perfect analogy, in life, when our focus gets either degraded or totally compromised, our situation in life gets to be blurred.  How many times did we get to end up in a BLURRED situation ?  I've been into several BLURRED situations in the past, all because I lost my FOCUS.

Now let's dissect what causes us to lose our FOCUS ?  How often do you experience mixed feelings of uncertainty, anxiousness, unorganized thoughts and being overwhelmed right in the middle of doing a task that you need to do ?  To be honest, it's your lack of focus that's hindering you from experiencing this as you attempt to work hard like you usually do.  In real life, if you are at the workplace, that lack of focus can cause you a demotion in your job and worst, you can be given the pink slip.  Studies though show that it is us ourselves who create or really have a ton of reasons why one finds it hard to focus and why it worsens.  To rattle off the most obvious reasons and causes:  I FEEL SLEEPY.  I FEEL TIRED TODAY.  I FEEL DOWN.  I'M FEELING DOWN NOW.  MY ROOM LOOKS MESSY. 

Nonetheless, these reasons are often the excuses a lot of us make.  But little do they know that it just led towards their negative approach in life to the point where they don't want to stay focused at the things they need to be done.  What we need to realize is that our habit of doing unnecessary things instead of accomplishing important goals for the day is the main reason why we lack FOCUS in the first place.  Frankly, there is NO NEED for a prescription-like advice because what ails us is a very powerful disease in our lifestyle and it has got nothing to do with our brain's condition.

Now, who's to blame for all these ?  Apologies I'll point my fingers to technology all over again.  Because of technology, we learned that MULTI-TASKING is feasible and it really increases by notches our productivity.  But did we realize that as humans, we can just execute one task at a time.  Not two or three tasks.  So, if we do , NOT want the Picture Get Blurred, FOCUS please ❗❗❗ 

Why Settling for LESS is OK !

Why Settling for LESS is OK !

Everywhere we hear 'DON'T SETTLE FOR LESS" but this is where I will play devil's advocate because that cliche does NOT hold water many times in our life because what matters is our realization that Settling for LESS is OK !  Too bad, our human frailties that veer towards being greedy more often leads us to a clouded judgment, ending up in a misjudgment.  Let's talk Why Settling for LESS is OK !

Couple of superficial reasons should nudge us that Settling for LESS is OK.  First off, 'LIVE WITHIN YOUR MEANS'.  It's nice to dream and keep up to the level of those Joneses but do face the mirror.  You just can't eat beyond what you can chew.  If you have to go home empty handed after going to the grocery, that's the harsh reality we have to face and accept.  But instead of it being a deterrent, it should ignite and motivation to work with double, triple or even ten times the effort level for you to reach that capability level that will then 'sync up' with the affordability.

Let's deep-dive into relationships.  At that point we are too idealistic, we knew the partner we wanted to be with, for the rest of our life.  At times, our vision for our partner-to be seems to be an epitome of the best attributes we dream of.  Hold back, though.   If you had the highest expectations of your future partner's traits and attributes, reassess yourself and challenge yourself if you possess such level of traits and attributes to begin with.  If you yourself will fall short of the criteria you pre-set for that future partner you have in your vision, RECALIBRATE your criteria and have yours aligned with it.

Truth is, we live a life that is multi-layered.  It is not even straightforward enough from end to end.  There are steep climbs and dangerous traps that will cause you to fall even fatally if you get off track.  Let's look at the work place.  Our clients demand too much.  So do our bosses.  On the other hand, here you are, a passive, laidback worker who never goes on full throttle but instead, someone satisfied enough as long as the engine starts and goes off.

Yesirrrs, that coveted trophy you have in your radar is not a long shot.  BUT it's NOT either a 'walk in the park',  You got to work for it, grind harder, kick your butt much harder than what is normal.  Remember, we should not lose sight of our constant goal, that is to turn things around for us to confidently claim why we won't  settle for LESS ❗❗❗

Celebrate Your SUMMITS [Then Seek New Ones]

Celebrate Your SUMMITS [Then Seek New Ones]

Yes, GO GO GO, let us celebrate your SUMMITS but then again, you gotta Seek New Ones].  Hold on, let's step back.  Let's align to agree as what SUMMITS are.  These are the peaks and pinnacle when we achieve the major success milestones in our journey.  Let me qualify, though, that SUMMITS do not refer to one-off small-small successes.  Instead, the SUMMITS we look for are the GAME-CHANGERS in our life journey.

Don't get me wrong though.  SMALL WINS MATTER.  BUT, we need to put this in the correct context simply because there are myriad of SMALL WINS but it behooves that we SEPARATE the CRUMBS from BREAD.  Having said this, a common human mistake is to lump all SMALL WINS even with the BIG WINS, and that's when the picture gets grossly distorted.

Why do we celebrate only after those BIG WINS ?  Reasons aplenty.  BIG WINS are those milestone achievements.  BIG WINS are embedded within the roadmap.  BIG WINS become proof that such success did come into fruition.  BIG WINS reflect back on the amount of effort and energy you exerted to achieve such success.  Many of us end up too mixed up even as we become too blurred ad unable to SEPARATE the CRUMBS from BREAD.  How many kampai's have we witnessed because the person is bound to his next milestone, only to fall flat along the way ?

So, what justifies us to celebrate our successes then ?  Developing one's SUCCESS MINDSET is needed because a large part of our success is about our state of mind so it is about having that SUCCESS MINDSET.  More than that, MOTIVATION is also closely inter-twined to our mindset because we are motivated by our successes.

FEELING GOOD should not be left out.  One of the best reasons to celebrate success is simply that it FEELS GOOD.  FEELING GOOD is what it's what it's all about.  We're driven to make changes in our lives because we want to feel better, be happier and FEEL GOOD.  And don't forget HAPPY CHEMICALS. because there's a reason why it FEELS GOOD when we CELEBRATE SUCCESS and it's to do with that chemicals in our brain.  And lastly, SHARE YOUR SUCCCESS.  Savor it together with whoever should be credited, be it your partner, your family, your mentor ❗❗❗

How Do You Stack Up TODAY versus YESTERDAY

How Do You Stack Up TODAY versus YESTERDAY

Will You Be Better TODAY Than YESTERDAY? Oh well, I am absolutely sure everyone wants to be better today than yesterday BUT here's the BUT.  Why is this a TALKING POINT now ?  It's because a plurality of us [if not a majority] are hardly leading a daily life where he is better off today than yesterday.  Instead, what happens most of the time, we have shortfallls, tasks not completed, targets not accomplished and even deliverables NOT DELIVERED.

So, HOW DO YOU STACK UP ?  It is a question we seem to constantly ask ourselves.  Our brains want to know how we are measuring up compared to everyone else.  People can spend their entire lives trying to determine where they stack on the proverbial totem pole of the human race but we would be disappointed to know that there is NO measurement against anyone else at all.  There was only the assessment of how their life measured up to their own persona potential.  When we compare ourselves to someone else, we will always have to rank ourselves as either superior or inferior to that other person and neither of those assessments will ever be factually accurate.  Admittedly, a person can be better than someone else at one particular task but that doesn't qualify them as superior.

Hmmm, in life, there is no 'superior' or 'inferior' and there is no measuring stick that ranks us in order of importance.  Everyone is exactly equal in importance to this world and it isn't possible from any one person to become more or less important than any other person.  So then, what do we aim for ?  How do we become better?  Or excellent?  Some ground rules.  LOOK AT YOURSELF, your TALENT and write them in a list.  And ask yourself how can you further enhance your capabilities ?

And let us not miss out to run a critical assessment of ourselves.  Make a list of the qualities we don't like about ourselves that we would like to change.  Example, are we impatient or judgmental or lazy ?  Write these qualities down and then set goals to help you change these into qualities you can be proud of.  Recognize that every day we are the results of every past.  WHATEVER WE WERE YESTERDAY IS WHAT WE ARE TODAY. So, if we are doing things today that will make us better tomorrow and we continue that pattern day after day, we are always going to be in the process of becoming a BETTER ME.

Here's the deal.  Coming to recognize every gift and talent we possess within us TAKES A LIFETIME.  Many of them surface during times of trial and difficult experience.  Many surface as we gain more wisdom.  Let's face it, we will likely never know everything we are truly capable of until life forces us to prove it to ourselves.  Our ULTIMATE GOAL IS TO BE BETTER TODAY THAN WE WERE YESTEDAY, so you would know HOW DO YOU STACK UP TODAY versus YESTERDAY 📌📌📌