When Does Confidence Become Too Little OR Too Much?

Such is life,  Much as we need to inject confidence from the time we wakeup everyday, our CONFIDENCE plummets OR shoots up based on a confluence of factors.  BUT question is, When Does Confidence Become Too Little OR Too Much?  Taking a step back, we develop our own identity as to WHO we are and self-concept as to WHAT we believe about ourselves through various processes. And one of which is SOCIAL COMPARISON which involves evaluating and even judging ourselves in relation to both the known and even the unknown as well.  It then becomes habitual and an automatic process that largely operates at our subconscious level.  WHAT we are cognizant of at the conscious level are the emotional effects of that comparison though📘📙📗

Those emotional effects can vary depending on if it's an upward comparison, WHERE we perceive ourselves to be better off.  WHILE NOT always, upward comparisons tend to elicit negative emotions, like frustration, envy OR discouragement WHILE downward comparisons tend to be more positive emotions like gratitude, hope OR happiness.  Hearing an athlete speak confidently about their past OR predicted future success would likely trigger an upward social comparison.  For upward comparisons, psychologists suggest that there are three common responses:  inspiration, benign envy and malicious envy💥💥💥

WHILE inspiration is WHEN you view the person's success as positive and motivating for your own personal circumstances, those feelings of benign envy may start out as frustration BUT would later lead you to produce a similar impact as inspiration, motivating you to reach a comparable level of achievement as that person✅✅✅

On the other hand, malicious envy never moves past the negative emotions that can play out as an attempt to lessen the status of the other person through criticism, condemnation OR denigration.  Over to the Aussies, they commonly refer to it as 'tall poppy syndrome' WHERE people are attacked for their success and achievements, essentially cutting down the tall poppy.  Indeed a 'tall order'😌😌😌

Our takeaway:  Let's consider how we respond to underdogs.  ISN'T it we all love a classic underdog story?  The plight of someone defying the odds stacked against them, determined to be successful.  WHILE underdogs in sports may be far superior OR athletes to us, they elicit emotional responses similar to downward comparisons like hope and sympathy.  This happens largely because many of us identify with underdogs, recalling WHEN the odds were stacked against us at one point OR another in lives.  This is the not-so-secret recipe unabated box-office successes in the movie industry because film producers and scriptwriters will exploit that human frailty to the hilt.  BUT let us NOT miss figuring out WHEN CONFIDENCE either becomes TOO LITTLE or TOO MUCH❗❗❗

Living In A WORLD Of DISTRACTIONs

Living In A WORLD Of DISTRACTIONs

This is a FACT:  Everyday, technology interrupts us every ELEVEN [11] minutes and we take another TWENTY-FIVE [25] minutes to get back to concentrating on the work OR task we were doing then.  Whoa, that's at least a whopping one-off THIRTY-SIX [36] minutes only for an instance.  WHAT IF this interruption happens to you TEN [10] times a day, that's THREE HUNDRED SIXTY [360[ minutes lost from us all within a single calendar day.  WTF,  Living In A WORLD Of DISTRACTIONs📘📙📗

Take the typical workday we got.  That compulsive checking of emails and social networks is just one of the many obstacles that prevent us from focusing our attention and being productive.  Frankly, focusing your attention is, in essence, a discipline and in order to practice it, you need to start by directing your attention towards yourself.  Only then will we be able to develop that creativity and innovation, by being fully aware of our abilities and resources.  Most importantly, we should be able to complete what we started with quality, if NOT with aplomb💥💥💥

WHAT do we hear from experts?  They counsel us to KNOW YOURSELF and most importantly, the magic word I'll borrow from the experts is "EFFICIENCY".  With a stoic focus in EFFICIENCY, we are counseled that there are variables we need to account for.  Firstly, it's that RESPONSIBILITY because that is the driver of EFFICIENCY.  Anything less than that, we're guaranteed to fall short❌❌❌

Next is ABILITY as our performance is produced WHEN our talents we have equates to WHAT is needed in the task OR activity.  You DON'T expect a plumber to pray for the departed souls in that church ritual. Next is SELF-MOTIVATION because in addition to knowing HOW to do things, YOU NEED TO WANT TO DO THEM.  It's NO less than that.  The state of mind that leads us to make an effort is a fundamental attribute to our performance.  NEXT is self-management, because that's about finding the organizational conditions suitable to be able to perform and complete your task OR activity✅✅✅

Our takeaway:  All these boil down to simplification and that is just choosing the easiest path and doing the task[s] in the simplest manner.  Without a doubt, that is an element that multiplies EFFICIENCY as it makes it possible to achieve results with less investment in resources.  BUT in order for them to work, all these variables have to be combined in a holistic manner.  We DON'T live in SILOs dude.  That explains why we're LIVING IN A WORLD OF DISTRACTIONS😃😃😃

Positive Psychology, Anyone?

Positive Psychology, Anyone?

Before I get suspected of having forays into Psychology, I need to admit that WHAT enamors me with POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY boils down to the fact that it posits that you are happy WHEN you feel as if your life is going well.  And beyond just offering strategies for recovering from mental illness, POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY is about achieving an optimal level of functioning by building upon a person's strengths in both personal and professional life even as it focuses in increasing our experience of POSITIVE states like happiness, joy, contentment, life satisfaction, gratitude, optimism, love and so on.  This is how far reaching POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY can be POSITIVELY impactful into our life.  Positive Psychology, Anyone???

Picking the brains of psychology experts, they tell us that HAPPINESS has three components namely:

• MOMENTARY MOOD - How you feel right now
• LIFE SATISFACTION - Your overall life evaluation
• ASSESSMENT of SPECIFIC DOMAINS - Work, relationships, finances, health, etc

So, WHY are POSITIVE emotions and life satisfaction important for us to increase our consciousness???

Do you know that POSITIVE EMOTIONS mean:

• Better immune functions, even faster healing
• Longer life [WHO doesn't want this?]
• Increased success at work [that's good tidings]
• Better ability to cope with challenges 
• Better quality of relationships
• Improved prosocial behavior

So much verbiage.  The question you might ask me now is, WHAT IS GOOD LIFE anyways?  Dr Seligman, a respected expert in POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY, uses the PERMA Model, i.e.:

• Positive emotion - that's what we feel
• Engagement - that's being in 'flow'
• Relationships - that's nurturing, rewarding
• Meaning - serving a purpose bigger than you
• Accomplishment - Pursuing towards mastery

Our takeaway:  Let's avoid jargons here, and instead, dice and drill things.  With challenges, can we focus on problem solving INSTEAD of venting?  Can we count our BLESSINGS?  And practice gratitude?  And take time to engage in random acts of KINDNESS?  And YES, be kind to yourself, be LESS critical?  And savor experiences and prolong your enjoyment?  And avoid temptations to complain and reinforce negativity?  At the end of the day, we will be the primary beneficiary of our POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY😊😊😊

How's Your Second-half Tempo?

How's Your Second-half Tempo?

Except for the 'INSTANT' ones, inn any endeavor in life, having a first-half and a second-half are givens.  And WHO would NOT agree with me that, except for those coerced to take action, almost everyone of us would feel that sort of adrenalin rush cum excitement at the start of the first-half.  UNTIL gradually our energy gets zapped, our battery goes low.  That explains WHY in almost all competitive activities [YES, even in the chess world where tournaments will have a break somewhere at the halfway mark], there's always a half-time break.  WHY?  That's we humans [and NOT machines] need a break, need to regroup, need to reboot OR reset, sort of.  Looking back your past years till to date, How's Your Second-half Tempo📗📙📘

By right and even logically, we should expect [OR demand] from our own selves that after the halftime break, we would be as fresh and as energized as if it were the start of things BUT do you realize that sometimes, even after the halftime break, the more our performance would seem to nosedive, with the trajectory going down down down south instead of going up???

Then we hear the LAW OF AVERAGES as a reason [a.k.a. EXCUSE] when one's performance dips.  For alignment, LAW OF AVERAGES is the idea that the probability of an event will determine HOW often it occurs over time.  WHILE it may seem like common sense, it is NOT a proven OR correct statistical principle at all.  According to statistical experts themselves, this is because real outcomes are random, and any given sample may NOT reflect those theoretical probabilities.  Point is, IF and WHEN our performance dips, let us NOT point fingers to the LAW OF AVERAGES because it's NOT always true, in fact❌❌❌

Classic examples of people's performance dipping OR even nose-diving on the second-half are the NBA games where a dominant team piles up points during the first half and then the underdog team mounts a rally and catches up within the second-half.  Again, if we fall back on the LAW OF AVERAGES, it is happening everyday to sales folks WHO are taught that IF they want to double OR triple their sales, they need to double OR triple their cold calls.  And that any deviations in the expected probability will average out OR even out after several iterations.  YES, sometimes this is true BUT again, it all boils down to maintaining and sustaining that momentum💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  WHILE it is much easier said than done, sustaining one's momentum and playing an 'up tempo' pace is all WHAT it takes for one to have a second-half tempo that is either as as good OR even better than the first-half.  SO HOW?  Keep focused on your goals.   KEEP focused on the positives.  KEEP celebrating progress [even little ones].  KEEP having fun and YES, KEEP HEALTHY dude!!!

Stop Undermining Yourself!!!

I DON'T have the data to support BUT I strongly feel that if there's one thing we may be sometimes guilty BUT unaware, it is SELF-SABOTAGING.  THAT behavior which relates to an intentional action [OR even inaction] that undermines our own progress and prevents us from accomplishing our pre-set goals.  Sadly, SELF-SABOTAGE occurs WHEN people hinder their own success.  And WHILE it seems surprising, some people undermine their own good intentions.  Can we please Stop Undermining our own self???

The huge miss here is that WHEN we take self-destructive steps, that harmful behavior can negatively impact nearly every part of our lives and even extending to our relationships and our career, all ending up as collateral damage.  So, WHAT causes that self-sabotaging behavior?  People thwart their progress for a variety of reasons, sometimes, puzzling and unfathomable, quite one too many❎❎❎

As per studies, many times, SELF-SABOTAGING serves as our coping mechanism we use to deal with stressful situations and even past traumas.  Unfortunately, it typically makes problems worse and limits a person's ability to successfully move forward in a healthy way.  YES, sometimes people SELF-SABOTAGING might be aware of their actions, like when you're overweight and on a diet but here you are drowning in ice cream💧💧💧

Oh yes, sometimes, we unconsciously act.  Like WHEN we miss a work deadline.  On the surface, it seems like one is running late BUT the harsh truth is that he's afraid of failure and ends up SELF-SABOTAGING himself by missing the due date, thus thwarting his goal to move up in his dream promotion.  Researches also have shown that sometimes, this is caused by growing in a dysfunctional family, as that can contribute to the acts of SELF-SABOTAGE.  Without that secure attachment style, one might have an ambivalent OR avoidant attachment style.  A typical example would be our earliest engagement with caregivers as it affects HOW we connect to others😌😌😌

Our takeaway:  As we cannot be pinned down for some peculiar causes of undermining our own selves, we need to be actively conscious of our limitations like self-esteem as that could make us vulnerable.  Hey dude, experts tell us that even procrastination and perfectionism are the other culprits that end us up undermining our own self.  BUT we can and should do something and right the wrong, albeit NOT overnight.  Just STOP UNDERMINING YOURSELF, dude!!!

Moving Past Frustrations!

Not to be poetic, BUT even if the Trumps and the Rockefellers were born with a silver spoon in their mouth, if there is a common denominator across the human race, we were and we continue to be born together with FRUSTRATION guaranteed to happen in our lives.  Moving Past Frustrations!  YES, that's WHAT we need to tackle as otherwise FRUSTRATIONS are wrapping us, up and down, sometimes making us look hapless and helpless📗📙📘

Before we jump into the fray and share on the most common fixes, it behooves that we be equipped with the ways to detect IF and WHEN FRUSTRATION creeps into our lives.  Worst thing to happen is, IF FRUSTRATION has enveloped us and YET we are unaware that FRUSTRATION has taken over our lives.  YES, FRUSTRATION is a type of emotional reaction to stress.  It's common to have this feeling WHEN you encounter daily stressors in life💥💥💥

Thing is, FRUSTRATION comes in multifarious forms and shapes, and mind you, a big chunk of our FRUSTRATIONS would seem daily nuances, pettiness and nothing earth-shaking, like getting FRUSTRATED WHEN your partner forgets to take care of an important errand, OR you got FRUSTRATED the way you responded [call it reacted] to your partner's mistake.  BUT many FRUSTRATIONS are short-lived, that is😌😌😌

BUT again, sometimes [and maybe many times], FRUSTRATIONS can become longer-lasting, like WHEN you fell short to achieve a goal, either in academics OR financials OR in your business sales turnover.  And that's WHEN such FRUSTRATIONS can take its toll on one's health and well-being [and worse, even impacting relationships, leading to breakups, all because those FRUSTRATIONS went out of hand]❌❌❌

Our takeaway:  I may NOT be a psychologist OR a counsellor but I can tap from my past experiences.  WHEN I hit FRUSTRATION, I made it a point to get to the bottom of my emotions and find ways to cope.  HOW?  By reminding myself that THAT FRUSTRATION is temporary. By finding ways to distract myself.  By using mindfulness to focus on the moment without judgment.  By consciously shifting my attitude to be more positive.  And we need to realize that while we all feel stressed and FRUSTRATED occasionally, we DON'T need to allow those unwanted feelings to take over our life.  By managing our responses to stress and FRUSTRATION, we can reduce the impact and even lead us to improve our overall well-being.  YES dude,  it's all about MOVING PAST FRUSTRATIONS!!!

Disappearing Like A Shadow of Yourself?

Disappearing Like A Shadow of Yourself?

We all have a shadow self.  It is generally made up of the parts of our own selves WHICH we deem unacceptable.  For many people, this means things like our sadness, rage, laziness, amongst others.  For alignment, allow me to align with Carl Jung's definition of SHADOW SELF.  The unknown piece here is that the SHADOW SELF can include our own uncivilized and unacceptable things like our personal power, independence OR even our emotional sensitivity.   So, are we conscious enough when we Disappear Like A Shadow of Yourself???

Psychology researches showed that some of us DON'T realize that we have a SHADOW SIDE as we feel ashamed and sometimes, it's because of our lack of awareness.  We have NOT yet taken the journey of self, and instead project our own SHADOW unto others around us.  And that leads us to [wrong] think that we are sure [enough] that it's them WHO has the problem [and NOT us]📗📙📘

To borrow a jargon by psychologists, PSYCHOLOGICAL PROJECTION is another scenario WHEN we attribute an unconscious thought, feeling OR even talent of our own unto another person.  And WHEN it comes to the SHADOW itself, it be become seemingly an unacceptable attribute you may see in another person and the projection often comes couched in blame.  Does this sound familiar?  YES, I'll admit in the past I was guilty of this several times WHEN I would tend to pass the buck and heap the blame to someone, whereas overlooking my shortfalls💦💦💦

Let's take real-life scenarios here. For example, you might feel that everyone around you is either lazy and/or selfish.  The reason you never get ahead in life is apparently because they are all too self-absorbed to help you.  And if you looked at yourself with all honesty, you would likely find that it's you yourself WHO has that tendency to be self-centered [and maybe lazy as well].  So, WHEN I did dig up for this talking point, my curiosity lingered around if my SHADOW SIDE that bad?  Psychologists advise that although we might want to see our SHADOW as 'negative', that may NOT be true.  Instead, the SHADOW is rather WHAT you yourself perceive as dark and weak about yourself and therefore needing to be hidden and denied.  BUT they caution that this depends on your perspective and one's level of self-esteem as well✅✅✅

Our takeaway:  Carl Jung counsels us that we need to fully see and accept this dark side of ourselves to be a 'fully integrated human'.  And it is only through our own effort to learn WHO we are and cultivate self-acceptance that we can recognize and embrace our shadow and then benefit from the many gifts the shadow offers.  At the end of the day, let us NOT lurk even behind a shadow of ourselves because that's a double-whammy that may knock us off💥💥💥

Let's Fight The GOOD FIGHT!

Let's Fight The GOOD FIGHT!

Anyone WHO has NOT been into any fight in life yet?  If I see a show of hands, I'll conclude that very likely, you were born just yesterday.  WHY?  Simple.  Life is NOT life without any Let's Fight The GOOD FIGHT!  I admit that this expression is often used in Christian circles and even in Western culture in general.  Out of curiosity, I dug deep and to my amazement, I found out that this redundant wording was often used way back the 5th Century AD📗📙📘

WHILE typically this expression is more of a patriotic warfare idiom for good character revealed by persevering through NOT merely one battle BUT military campaigns extending over a period of time.  Swinging back to our daily life, it may NOT be often BUT the realities in life will confirm that from time to time, albeit rarely, we will get involved in various forms of a conflict leading to a FIGHT.  WHETHER we end up in a war of words is another story BUT let's call a spade a spade.  You can be the most timid OR civil BUT sometimes, you get [innocently] dragged into a FIGHT💦💦💦

This all boils down to us choosing, picking our battles.  WHY do we need to choose our battles wisely?  After all, life ISN'T measured by HOW many times you stood up to fight.  So, it's NOT winning fights and battles that will make us happy BUT it's HOW many times you turned away from it, and choose to look into a better direction.  Life is too short to spend it on warring.  Fight only the most, most, most important ones and let the rest go

Frankly, NOT every disagreement is worth your time and energy.  SO HOW?  Redirect your time, attention and energy on those stuff most beneficial and most relevant to you.  Being choiceful of even the problems, arguments and confrontations you get involved in, and saving your energy for the things that matter, is WHAT matters most.  WHAT this means, rather than confronting every single disagreement, it is imperative that you fight ONLY the most important ones and let the go of the rest.  WHY?  BECAUSE NOT every conflict is worth addressing.  Many disagreements are trivial and have NO effect in the long run.  WHEN you ask yourself if WHAT's bothering you now matters one year from now, chances are it WON'T and it's better to focus on the things that matter💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  The very essence of picking our battles before we FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT is that the very point of choosing our battles is to be protective of HOW you spend your time, which by itself is a very limited resource.  WHAT are the things that matter to you?  WHAT are your most important GOALS?  WHO are the most important people to you?  You may appear to win in every conflict BUT eventually you'll get exhausted✅✅✅

Are You Swimming UPSTREAM?

Are You Swimming UPSTREAM?

STRUGGLE is the nature of life and it enriches life.  Acknowledging that life is a STRUGGLE prepares us to face life squarely and work towards hurdling it.  BUT before we deep-dive to find the possible solutions, it makes sense that we dig up and figure out WHY those constant challenges keep hounding some of us.  MAYBE you're uncertain as to WHAT your goals are?  IF you DON'T have clear goals, it can be damn hard to stay on track.  Question is, till now, Are You [STILL] Swimming UPSTREAM???

Without GOALS as crystal clear as possible, it can be indeed hard to stay on track.  Without GOALS that you're working toward, you may feel like you're floundering aimlessly.  On the flip side of things, you'll do your best WHEN you have clear goals in mind.  Your GOALS can help you make decisions about your career, your finances, and your social life.  YES it seems easier to view struggles as challenges that you can overcome WHEN you have bigger GOALS ahead💥💥💥

BTW, do you insist on immediate gratification?  WHILE today's world offers a lot of INSTANT gratification in terms of same-day delivery, INSTANT movie streaming, INSTANT emojis, INSTANT likes, the rest of the world DOESN'T always move so quickly.  If you expect everything in life to come easy OR happen fast, it can lead one to a hell lot of frustration.  YES, patience is necessary WHEN you're overcoming obstacles in life.  Hard work takes time.  IF you expect immediate results, you'll likely end up disappointed, ending up with constant struggles💦💦💦

WHAT often complicates things is WHEN we face that difficulty in prioritizing WHAT to do first.  If you feel overwhelmed by all the changes you need to make, it's likely that you'll remain stuck.  Often, people want to lose weight, quit smoking, abandon drinking alcohol, BUT WHAT happens?  They struggle to prioritize WHAT to do first.  If you try to work on everything all at once, it is unlikely you'll be successful.  Trying to address too many problems at the same time can leave you paralyzed WHEN it comes to deciding WHAT to do first.  And that causes you to get stuck💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  BTW, do you give up easily WHEN things DON'T go the way you want?  IF you give up as soon as things DON'T go your way, it is highly unlikely you're going to be successful in overcoming all those constant STRUGGLES.  And a common mistake people make that keeps them STRUGGLING in life is that they give up once their very first attempt to solve the problem does NOT work.  I remember in my first attempt to test the labor market in Singapore, right at my airport of origin, I was flagged down by the immigration officer because my passport was expiring in less than six months [at that time].  So, are you STILL SWIMMING UPSTREAM till now, dude???

When Words Fail

When Words Fail

Looking back at the most recent years, HOW many times we witnessed When Words Fail.  Ukraine.   Gaza Strip and Palestine.  YES, even the U.S. Capitol.  And those spate of assassinations of leaders from the Hamas Hezbollah in Palestine.  All of these tell us one thing.  WORD FAILED, period.   In the midst of tiffs that turn to squabbles and full-blown conflicts, we DON'T need to argue that WORDS FAIL.  Ironically, the English language has 500,000 words while other major languages like French and German have 100,000 and 135,000 words respectively and YET, conflicts abound almost in every corner, even within households, within families, within the workplace and many communities.  WHY???

At work, it's quite normal people spend most of their time talking.  Like wrenches for the plumbers, words are our most frequently used tools of communication.  BUT WORDS DON'T always do the job.  Ironically, WORDS can do and trigger the opposite of WHAT we normally intend to and ironically, even without our intending it, WORDS can antagonize, inhibit, insult OR even threaten.  WORDS carry risks we cannot assess accurately because we DON'T know WHAT meaning they happen to have for the person we address.  Many a deal has been derailed because of somethings that was said.  So, WHAT can we do WHEN that happens?  Oooops, we are told: DON'T PANIC💦💦💦

Frankly, WHAT many of us would miss [in the heat of exchanges] is that WORDS are NOT the only means of communication.  If words are failing you, we may be able to get through to people some other way.  I can share my own travails in the past WHEN, in the heat of arguments, logic and reason seemed to have evaporated in thin air.  NOT until my emotions simmered down and I got back to my senses💥💥💥

YES, I agree with this poster I grabbed.  Even music speaks WHEN WORDS FAIL.  The lesson to draw from all our close shaves with conflicts is that it is often difficult to achieve a major shift in the tone of a negotiation through WORDS alone.  People listen to WORDS in a context and WHEN you're stuck in an impasse, it's usually the context you have to change.  Physical actions, such as I've just described can do that.  So, if you're stuck in a negotiation and nothing you can say seems to make a difference, endeavor to change tacks, change your framing😌😌😌

Our takeaway:  I did this proven tack in the past.  In the heat of arguments, I wrote on paper everything I wanted to blurt out and after finishing it, I slid the paper in a drawer.  In a short while, I realized that my emotions [a.k.a. blood pressure huhuhu] did simmer down significantly.  WHAT this tells us is that there are many more ways to communicate our intentions [call it arguments] than just WORDS.  Like a good plumber, we need to know HOW to use all the tools in our toolbox.  Despite the fact that the English language commands a huge reservoir of words, it is dumbfounding and too stretched to think that we're still running out of words.  On the contrary, to play devil's advocate, I'll heap the blame back to our English forefathers because with that overflowing reservoir of WORDS, we ended up to be abusing the context of WORDS way beyond its relevance❌❌❌