Let's Stop Being PEOPLE-PLEASER

Let's Stop Being PEOPLE-PLEASER

Once upon a time, I was a PEOPLE-PLEASER, indeed a real pushover.  Honestly, I DIDN'T know WHERE other people ended and began and my decisions were based on WHAT would make other people happy OR comfortable.  I remember I was a neophyte in the workforce and here I come stepping into the confines of a blue-chip global organization.  And alas, for the very first time in my life, I was getting introduced in working with expat executives from the U.K., the Netherlands, Venezuela and Japan.  And for quite a number of years, I was literally going with the flow.  WHEN a social 'instigator' will organize an out-of-town sortie, I remember being one of the first to signup to every suggestion, every idea, every proposition. All along, I thought that made me easygoing, likable, and generally pretty cool.  Little did I know that it really just made me lost, confused and pretty much unlikable.  I realized that WHEN you go through life as a PEOPLE-PLEASER, you AREN'T living on your own terms.  Unfortunately, I learned that years after.   Let's Stop Being PEOPLE-PLEASER📗📙📘

All along, I [wrongly] thought that I was being nice, likeable, agreeable and even 'drama-free'.  BUT years after those 'lost years', I realized that keeping  your true self beneath the surface DOESN'T do anyone any favors.  Instead, it just results in you being surrounded by rude, selfish, and sometimes unforgiving people WHO, instead of appreciating that you've put their needs first, things end up with them treating you like a doormat.  Indeed, that was despicable to say the least😂😂😂

My personal realization in my past ordeals is that we CAN'T use PEOPLE-PLEASING in the same way other people use drugs, alcohol or even chronic shopping as a way to avoid the discomfort of others' disapproval.  And WHEN it came to being disliked, invalidated OR perceived as being in the wrong side of things, I thought I was a 'BIG BABY' then.  Those times, I could get into my 'child traumas' and the events that prompted my need to PLEASE PEOPLE💧💧💧

BUT what is of most paramount importance in all these is the real story how I [STILL] ended up overcoming my PEOPLE PLEASING dilemma.  Because if you're anything like I was then, you know that at some point, you just have to STOP trying to PLEASE others and do something for yourself for a change, at the very least.  Sitting around and praying for people to understand how much pressure they put on you, OR hoping they'll one day lessen their demands [OR call it drama?] is futile.  Without changing their own  behaviors this kind of wishing and hoping ISN'T just foolish, it's straight up counterproductive.  Good grief, my own realizations DIDN'T come so late, otherwise I could be like a 'wreak', huhu❎❎❎

My takeaway:  To reach my realizations, I went back to bare knuckles basic rudiments in life.  Like becoming SELF-AWARE as WHEN we invite our thoughts and feelings into awareness, we have that opportunity to learn from them.  Doing this, it gave me a better handle on my impulse to please and allowed me to notice WHEN I WASN'T being helpful.  To cap it off, I did realize that doing too much hurts, rather than helps, even relationships.  WHY?  Because even if your intentions were good, they ultimately hindered the overall effectiveness of relationships.  LET'S STOP BEING PEOPLE-PLEASERs💥💥💥

You Can Have A Thousand Problems UNTIL....

You Can Have A Thousand Problems UNTIL....

Martin Luther King, the famous and respected American minister and activist was widely quoted: "IF YOU CAN'T FLY, THEN RUN.  IF YOU CAN'T RUN, THEN WALK.  IF YOU CAN'T WALK, THEN CRAWL BUT WHATEVER YOU DO, YOU HAVE TO KEEP MOVING FORWARD".  This brings us a full-circle back to life and frankly to our own health.  Whatever is your life journey, and even if you end up successful in your endeavors be it in the corporate world OR in your burgeoning entrepreneurial forays, we all share a common denominator and that's our HEALTH!!!  Frankly though, if we take a random survey across and inquire about each of the problems that beset us NOW, each of us could be holding on to a mile-long list of problems.  Imagine that hodge-podge list of problems ranging from family problems to financial problems to legal problems, and YES, even those "IN-LAW" problems, so on and so on.  BUT dude, You Can Have A Thousand Problems UNTIL ONE DAY, knock on wood, you will get hit with a HEALTH PROBLEM and suddenly, YOU GOT ONE PROBLEM

This time, please allow me to quote American author and coach, Tony Robbins, WHO says:  A HEALTHY PERSON HAS A HUNDRED WISHES BUT A SICK PERSON HAS ONLY ONE. Whew!  This is an eye-opener, right?  HOW and WHY in the world, in our normal lives, we're so preoccupied with a thousand things [or probably a hundred stuff], cracking our head to find an answer for each one.  For that pitiful fellow languishing with an illness, VERY LIKELY, he's got only ONE SINGLE WISH, and it's about his health

Surely, there's NOTHING to argue OR debate that we are all aligned that our HEALTH is the 'primus inter pares', the first among equals, assuming you have tons and tons of priorities in life.  So, ISN'T it just fair and rational that we consider to endeavor simplifying our respective complex [and sometimes, ultra complex] situations BY just having our HEALTH at the top of the totem pole, and everything else sharing the bed crumbs of our attention?  While I have the lowest credibility to share medical advice, all studies and researches have consistently confirmed that our preoccupation with that mile-long list of problems INDIRECTLY [ IF NOT directly] either initiate, plant the seeds OR simply worsen a 'bad' situation, all because of this five-letter magic word spelled S-T-R-E-S-S???

And knock on wood, WHEN a health issue does hit us, only then we would realize that we should NOT be consumed with wealth, with properties, with intra-family squabbles, with workplace woes and NOT even financials [much as that is damn basic] because everything gets relegated at the background, all because of health issues.  Ironically, even medical experts opine that STRESS [which is exacerbated by our tons and tons of problems, again NO thanks to that long list of so called 'problems' that is consuming us mentally, emotionally and even psychologically.  At the end of the day, everything 'RESETS' once we get hit with a health issue

Our takeaway:  Let's spare a minute OR two and do a look-up of this 'mind map' I grabbed.  The messaging is plain and simple, cutting all the unnecessary crap.  THAT we got to endeavor to achieve that HAPPINESS [which sometimes can be elusive] regardless if we tend to be disturbed OR distracted with that slew of problems that can practically consume us and 'eat us alive'.  Heard of narratives WHERE someone dutifully saved and saved for the 'rainy days' and WHEN he was hospitalized for an illness, the hospital bills simply gobbled up all those savings in ONE BIG BANG.  And at that point, he went into a RESET, not thinking anymore of his previous preoccupation with worries and issues related to family, financial, work, legal and even community-related issues.  WHY?  By then, he realized that he's got only one single problem to grapple with, and that's his HEALTH.  Yes dude, YOU CAN HAVE A THOUSAND PROBLEMS UNTIL YOU GET HIT WITH A HEALTH PROBLEM!@#$%?

Correlation Is NOT Causation

Correlation Is NOT Causation

How often you [and me as well] would be correlating things and end up making an assumption that becomes conclusive [BUT very much shaky because that assumption CAN'T stand on its own].  Let's pry into typical 'GIRL's TALK' wherein a girl tells another girl that she had her hair 'rebonded' because she received her 13th month pay?  OR someone is dressed to a 'T' because he/she will attend a social event?  BUT Correlation Is NOT Causation📘📙📗

Fact is, CORRELATION does NOT imply CAUSATION.  And YET, this seems NOT to stop people from drawing casual inferences from correlational statements .  In fact, we show that people do in fact infer casuality from statements of association under minimal conditions.  Indeed, researches show that people draw pragmatic inferences from ambiguous OR incomplete utterances💥💥💥

Oh, let's have more relatable examples, like when your mobile phone freezes while sending text [SMS] messages.  We might be tempted to make an outright conclusion that your incessant texting caused your mobile phone to freeze.  BUT likely that is NOT the valid root cause.  It could be that your mobile phone's RAM memory is insufficient and that could be caused either by a low RAM memory OR even a high memory that was 'gobbled up' by another mobile app😉😉😉

Problem is, our global village is littered with CORRELATIONS getting equated to CAUSATION.  LIke people with bigger feet mean they are better readers?  LIke if people with fewer black and white TVs, global warming will worsen?  Like, WHEN a continent's name does NOT start with 'A' means that most people born there AREN'T white?  Like WHEN most people die in avalanches WHEN sales of snow chains go up?  We can go and on BUT such is that human frailty of adding 1 + 1💦💦💦

Our takeaway:  Sometimes we humans do have this tendency to either over-simplify a complex situation or conversely, we sometimes tend to complicate even the simplest situations.  Like drowning will NOT lead you to eat more ice cream and it is even highly unlikely that eating more ice cream will dramatically increase one's risk of drowning, so obviously, there can be a strong correlation between two variables without a direct casual relationship.  Conversely, there are correlations that strongly imply CAUSATION, like ice cream sales will shoot up because of high temperatures.  So, by and large, CORRELATION IS NOT CAUSATION [except except]💥💥💥

Check The Facts BEFORE INSTINCTS Kick-in

Check The Facts BEFORE INSTINCTS Kick-in

Our trust in intuition is understandable.  People have always sought to put their faith in mystical forces when confronted with confusion.  BUT again, we could be threading in dangerous waters here because in reality, we CAN'T just ignore our own instincts any more than you should ignore your own conscience.  BUT if there's anyone WHO thinks that intuition is a substitute for reason will be indulging in a quite risky delusion.  Detached from rigorous analysis, intuition is a fickle and an undependable guide at that.  You got to really Check The Facts BEFORE INSTINCTS Kick-in📗📙📘

Doing so may lead one to disaster as to success.  And while the most vociferous argument is that intuition becomes more valuable in highly complex and even changeable environments, the stark truth is that the opposite is actually true.  The more options you have to evaluate, the more data you have to weigh, and the more unprecedented the challenges you face, the less you should rely on instinct and the more on reason and analysis.  BUT can we analyze more in less time.  Yes, technology will address that BUT c'mon, in real life, let's set aside technology because this is our life💦💦💦

Albert Einstein, the great genius, was asked, he blurted 'I BELIEVE IN INSTUITIONS'.  He reckoned that it was much better to trust those instincts and test them later than to dismiss them outright.  Global lifestyle brand Coco Chanel has the same strategy, 'FASHION IS IN THE AIR, BORN UPON THE WIND.  ONE INTUITS IT'💧💧💧

True, sometimes it can be indeed tempting to view our gut instincts as a kind of mysterious 'sixth sense' BUT again, there is NO need to appeal to the paranormal to explain intuition.  The past decades, psychologists had numerous studies with regard our gut instincts and they have identified specific situations in which our intuitions is likely to lead us down to the eventual right path💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  WHAT muddles our situation is that with the boundless influence of social media, the lightning speed the way information and MINSINFORMATION gets transmitted instantly obliterates the need for us to CHECK the facts quite tragically, instead of CHECKING the facts, we would assuage and assure ourselves that the sender of that message [be it your bestie OR bff] is NEVER one who peddles FAKE NEWS.  BUT WHAT assures you that your bestie OR bff was NOT a victim of FAKE NEWS?  So, please let us CHECK THE FACTS BEFORE INSTINCTS KICK-IN❗❗❗

Relationships Are NOT Fixes

Relationships Are NOT Fixes!@#$%?

Surely, many of us [and that includes moi] were, at some points in the past, were waylaid based on the premise that Relationships Are Fixes BUT hey dude, Relationships Are NOT Fixes, NOT at all.  Many times in the past, I was legitimately aware of wonderful relationships of people I know on first hand basis.  I even remember their random texted questions punctuated with the same angst and 'IS THIS OKAY-ness' of the first few months of relationships.  Oh YES, we all know that, all the blissfulness during that honeymoon phase, NOT UNTIL many months later, you realized that THE PARTY'S OVER📗📙📘

BUT hey, I'm sorry for the confusion, our thread today is NOT about relationships at all.  Instead, we'd like to tackle circumstances WHEN we get confronted with our zillion issues in life sometimes, we [VERY WRONGLY] thought that by plunging into a relationship, that FIXES our issues.  NO WAY, Jose!!!  WHY?  Simple and straightforward.  NO other human can FIX you except you YOURSELF.  And let's do admit that many times, we ourselves CAN'T FIX our very own selves.  And if you inject relationships into that equation, you're doomed, dude💥💥💥

True, I'll be the very first to defend the unsullied proposition that relationships are good and amazing BUT dude, it's NOT enough.  And once we [sometimes unconsciously] shift the onus and responsibility to another person, you are now implying that your FIX to your issue is another 'person-dependent' one?  If so, WHY do you need to work on it yourself???

Frankly, once we place the blame of our anger, selfishness and lack of communications skills on others, we tend to be sidestepping our personal responsibility.  And that's running away from the issue at hand!!!  WHAT happens next is that leads us to issues that will only tend to become compounding because we have, by default, relinquished from the responsibility standing on our shoulders.  BUT hold on, we can still leverage on relationships much as we front the solutioning💧💧💧

Our takeaway:  There is NO ONE SIZE THAT FITS ALL.  You got to labor and exert efforts coupled with sweat [and sometimes frustration] to pin down the eventual FIX of your issue.  YES your relationship can give you those sporadic inspirations BUT please DON'T just dump the whole issue on that relationship.  it just DOESN'T work that way.  RELATIONSHIPS ARE NOT FIXES, dude💦💦💦

That Huge Diversity of HUMAN EMOTIONS

That Huge Diversity of HUMAN EMOTIONS

We all could believe that we are schooled and informed enough.  BUT do we know that there are 34,000 different HUMAN EMOTIONS?  YES, thirty four thousand no less, whew!  And recently WHEN I watched INSIDE OUT 2, it was the latest affirmation of the diversity of HUMAN EMOTIONS. That Huge Diversity of HUMAN EMOTIONS tells me that INSIDE OUT 2 was more than just an animated film📗📙📘

Instead, it was a profound exploration of the human emotional experience, highlighting the importance of all EMOTIONS, NOT just happiness.  It reminds us as well that understanding and embracing our EMOTIONS while prioritizing positive relationships does foster that sense of safety and belonging despite the challenges we encounter in life.  And while many scientists agree that EMOTIONS are universal, they see the sociological perspective💎💎💎

Digging into the sociological perspective of EMOTIONS, we can piece together feelings and emotions, exploring their role in human motivation.  True, many argue that EMOTIONS are inherited and biological BUT still shaped by historical, social, and even political contexts.  And psychologists coined the jargon EMOTIONAL LABOR when managing feeling and behaviors to show certain EMOTIONS publicly💦💦💦

All these lead me to the realization as to how central EMOTIONS are to our humanity.  And while some argue that love is NOT an emotion in the strictest sense.  And in INSIDE OUT 2, it does hint that these deeper connections help us to understand WHAT they reveal about ourselves.  And the wild card here is the oppressive pressures in our environment❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  Let us expand and stretch out our intestinal fortitude to co-exist with the 34,000 HUMAN EMOTIONS hovering around us.  UNTIL and UNLESS we expand our awareness across this diversity, we can anticipate that from to time, there will be disconnects and shortfalls insofar as how we handle the EMOTIONAL variable of the equations in our life.  Indeed, there is that HUGE DIVERSITY of HUMAN EMOTIONS💦💦💦

Life Can Be Like A 'HOUSE OF CARDS'

Life Can Be Like A 'HOUSE OF CARDS'

No one wants to exist within a HOUSE OF CARDS, NOT in life.  All throughout, we were always reared to put in place the sturdiest foundations that will help us become resilient regardless of the turmoil and challenges that we will face.  And this is no less relevant in relationships.  WHY do some of the relationships crumble so swiftly, shocking people WHO thought a couple had everything going between them.  OR even in friendships, WHY do some friendships last our lifetime even when the friends themselves are now residing at locations separated by thousands of miles apart?  And at the workplace, WHY do some employees work with an organization till retirement? YES, Life Can Be Like A 'HOUSE OF CARDS'📗📙📘

I remember couples awash with all the financial resources, everything was going in their favor to an extent that they had commercial forays that seemed reasonably feasible given all their financial chest.  UNTIL one day, I learned that they filed for bankruptcy.  A horizon that was so bright ahead suddenly turned gloomier than ever.  And sometimes, it's befuddling if theirs was a HOUSE OF CARDS that crumbled???

YES, we DON'T need to have an Engineering degree to have the sound fundamentals of STRENGTH OF MATERIALS [a subject I always heard from my bff WHO was into Engineering at that time].  BUT that's the long and short of it, it all boils down to the STRENGTH OF MATERIALS.  And it all starts with us as a person.  Our core values.  HOW far are we embracing our core values.  And HOW consistent are we in 'WALKING THE TALK' because at the end of the day, it's NOT verbose statements that will matter BUT it's HOW you LIVE LIFE.  Thing is, we DON'T want to living a hallowed life, window-dressed to a 'T' BUT one which can crumble down like a HOUSE OF CARDS💥💥💥

True, the coolest stuff our eyes will get mesmerized is an impressively constructed house, a relationship between couples WHO seem as the best partners ever, a business that grows and expands organically instead of witnessing things in a BIG BANG approach.  YET, behind all these, let us NOT miss out the foundational aspect, whether it's about our relationships, our work, our business.  We're NOT buying-in if your house looks impressive across its four sides.  Instead, WHAT will be remarkably recognized if that house structure does withstand the wrath of cyclones and hurricanes and even the cruelest winter.  WHAT we want in life is to withstand and endure all challenges we face✅✅✅

Our takeaway:  Let us NOT be enamored by all the nice and dandy things on the surface.  Take time and invest in efforts to dig up a foundation deep enough so that it DOESN'T get uprooted of whatever upheaval along the way.  Let us envision to be the last man standing, to have our relationship standing up there, for our business endeavors to keep chugging and chugging relentlessly.  YES, LIFE CAN BE LIKE A 'HOUSE OF CARDS'😀😀😀

Never Split The Difference [As In NEVER]

Never Split The Difference [As In NEVER]

This is a bit of a brief intellectual discourse WHEN in our daily life, we are faced with more than just two probabilities OR options.  For alignment, Mr Amazon defines it as that theory that offers as a source WHEN 'defusing a potential crisis, winning people over and achieving your very own goals'.  If I may add, these are scenarios where there is/are crystal-clear differences between Option A and Option B and YET, we sometimes feel 'SPLIT' between such two options to an extent WHEREIN we sometimes opt for a compromise, a modus vivendi.  And like it OR not, this is WHERE this theory to Never Split The Difference [As In NEVER] comes into the picture📗📙📘

LIKE contemplating for the career path of your child, you're considering either the medical OR technology fields. And you end up SPLITTING THE DIFFERENCE by opting for a career that is somewhere 'middle of the road' between the medical and technology career paths.  YES, the PROs are loud and clear here, that is, your choice is NOT too far from either career paths BUT here's the thing:  Did you get the UPSIDEs for each of those career paths???

OR here's a couple contemplating to buy their first property and two options they're looking at are either a landed property OR a condominium.  Challenge is, that will never be an apples-to-apples comparison.  You can rattle off comparisons and the list will be mile-long.  LIKE a landed property will offer you enough space for your gardens.  LIKE a condominium being located within the business district where your office is located.  Sometimes, the decision becomes a compromise one, like settling down with a landed property much closer to the business district but then it becomes pricey, and the lot size becomes significantly smaller.  WHAT's the lesson there?  True you managed to buy a property BUT you DIDN'T reap the best UPSIDE of either your original Option A OR Option B.  Instead, you ended up somewhere NEITHER HERE NOR THERE.  Oh Oh Oh, NEVER SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE📌📌📌

If you're relatively new in the job market, you could then be eyeing to land a corporate job in one of the recognized MNCs OR you're also contemplating to have your startup business as an entrepreneur. Oh Oh Oh, there is a huge gap between those two options and frankly, that is a major crossroad to take.  BUT do you know that based on studies, a plurality of decisions end up neither on that MNC nor the startup business option BUT instead, they end up with job roles somewhere in the 'middle of the road', more to facilitate the decision-making.  Hey Hey Hey dude, NEVER SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE💧💧💧

Our takeaway:  WHERE possible, NEVER SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE, NEVER take a 'middle of the road' decision UNLESS that is really the best option to take at hand.  True, we were trained to always consider a COMPROMISE because at times, that is the best path to take.  BUT hey, let us NOT allow the exception to become the rule.  Just NEVER SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE, where possible💥💥💥

Is Your BEST VERSION Now In The Rear-view Mirror?

Is Your BEST VERSION Now In The Rear-view Mirror?

Is Your BEST VERSION Now In The Rear-view Mirror?  Remember the great Swiss perennial tennis champion Roger Federer?  OR German Formula One champion driver Michael Schumacher?  OR the purported basketball's GOAT, the late Kobe Bryant?  OR the flamboyant American boxer Floyd Mayweather WHO retired undefeated after having won 15 major world title belts for more than 20 years?  QUESTION:  WHAT do they all have in common?  YES, THEIR BEST VERSION IS NOW IN THE REAR-VIEW MIRROR📗📙📘

YES, at some points in their lives, they were atop the world, being the BEST in their sports.  BUT WHERE are they now?  Probably, from time to time, they are sipping Margaritas while enjoying the breeze from the beachfront.  So, WHAT's the relevance of these 'HAS BEENs' to us now?  YES, we may be nothing when compared to those 'HAS BEENs' BUT let us NOT take away the credit due us as well because at some points in the past, we were likely at the PEAK OF OUR LIFE.  Could be your academic PEAKS OR career PEAKS OR financial PEAKS, name it OR SUCCESSES all rolled into one, giving you the mother of all possible PEAKS in life💧💧💧

BUT, not to be a 'killjoy', let us NOT embed in our subconscious minds that the BEST VERSION of ourself is always out there in the past.  NO sirrrrrrs.  WHO says that we DON'T have the capability to further move the goal post for us to breach our previous PEAK akin to reaching Base Camp of Mount Everest and scaling every phase till you reach that 'FINAL SUMMIT' at the seventh phase before descent💦💦💦

NOW, allow me to ask this quite confrontational question.  DO YOU WANT TO BECOME YOUR BEST YOU [much better than your previous BEST VERSION]?  I fervently hope that you answered a resounding YES.  In fact, in case you DIDN'T answer with an all-out YES, then MAYBE you need more confidence.  BTW, here's the BIG TRUTH.  People WHO are the BEST have that confidence to want to become the BEST😃😃😃

Our takeaway:  Ignore that graph of PEAKS and TROUGHS.  That's for presentation purposes.  BUT hey, just because you PEAKED 5 or 10 or 20 years ago DOESN'T close the doors for you to breach your previous BEST VERSION [regardless if you etched that record 5 or 10 or 20 years ago.  Keep SCALING UP to establish your latest BEST VERSION👍👍👍

Find What Fills You

Find What Fills You

YES, everyone needs to FILL oneself.  And at some point, no matter how good the food tastes, expectedly you will stop eating WHEN you've had enough of it.  WHERE does this lead us to?  It's for you, for us to Find What Fills You?  Oh, I remember something NOT so pleasant.  We all know HOW frustrating it can be WHEN people AREN'T listening to us📗📙📘

Worst of worst, sometimes it's even harder to have your opinions and ideas taken seriously by others.  And indeed, this can be difficult to deal with, especially WHEN you need to communicate often with people we regularly interact with.  And this is WHERE ADVOCACY gets into the picture as it means getting the support from another person to help you express your views and/or wishes💧💧💧

BUT hold on, before you can take the next step for an advocacy, you got to make sure that your CUP is FILLED as this poster says, 'YOU CAN'T POUR FROM AN EMPTY CUP'.  And as an advocate, this entails a share of responsibilities that comes with your advocacy.  THAT ability to listen to the views and concerns.  THAT ability to share information for others to make an informed decision.  THAT inclination to explore options and rights of a person [without pressuring them].  THAT ability to reinforce one's ACTIVE LISTENING💥💥💥

Word of caution though.  As much as you have decided on your advocate, there are parameters that will define your limits.  LIKE you are NOT expected to solve problems and make decisions on behalf others.  LIKE making judgments of others.  If along the way you seemingly feel lost, ask yourself if you want to find yourself before your getting lost becomes more apparent and impacting.  BUT WHAT you need to figure out is HOW to find yourself when pressed against the wall❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  To FILL yourself, you got to have both your feet firmly on the ground.  And to FILL yourself, it has to happen in a fairly reasonable manner, NOT those exceptions WHERE for the sake of personal aggrandizement, you WOULD declare that you have FILLED yourself.  FILLING oneself cannot be blemished OR tainted for the sake of FILLING because acquiring one self's self-fulfillment CANNOT be attained by cutting corners.  Instead, it takes a hell of personal conviction to reach that point to FILL oneself because only then, can you take the subsequent steps of pushing for your advocacies in life.  IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO, dude😌😌😌